1
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:17,416
HELLO, GOOD EVENING, AND
WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION
2
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:20,510
OF BLOOD, DEVASTATION,
DEATH, WAR AND HORROR
3
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:22,487
AND LATER ON
WE'LL BE TALKING
4
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,422
TO A MAN WHO
DOES GARDENING
5
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:27,187
BUT OUR FIRST GUEST
IN THE STUDIO TONIGHT
6
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,923
IS A MAN WHO TALKS
ENTIRELY IN ANAGRAMS.
7
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,021
TAHT SI CRREOCT.
8
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:32,292
DO YOU EN JOY THIS?
9
00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:34,027
I STOM CERTAINLY OD
10
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:35,159
REVY CHUM SO.
11
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,759
AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
12
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,599
HAMRAG, HAMRAG YATLEROT.
13
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:40,469
WELL, GRAHAM, NICE TO
HAVE YOU ON THE SHOW.
14
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:41,701
NOW, WHERE DO
YOU COME FROM?
15
00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:42,708
BUMCRELAND.
16
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:43,709
CUMBERLAND?
17
00:00:43,743 --> 00:00:44,767
STAHT SIT SEPREICLY.
18
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,607
AND I BELIEVE YOU'RE WORKING
19
00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:48,944
ON AN ANAGRAM VERSION
OF SHAKESPEARE.
20
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,609
SEY, SEY, TAHT SI CRREOCT.
21
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:54,677
UH... TA THE MNEMOT, I'M WROKING
ON "THE MATING OF THE WERSH."
22
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,155
"THE MATING OF THE WERSH,"
BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE?
23
00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:59,454
NAY, BY MALLIWI RAPESHEAKE.
24
00:00:59,492 --> 00:01:00,720
AND, UH... WHAT ELSE?
25
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,250
"TWO NETLEMEG OF VERONA"
26
00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:04,991
"TWELFTH THING,"
"THE CHAMRENT OF VENICE."
27
00:01:05,031 --> 00:01:06,498
HAVE YOU DONE "HAMLET"?
28
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:07,795
"THAMLE."
29
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,701
"BE OT OR BOT NE OT,
TATH IS THE NESTQUIE."
30
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,197
AND WHAT IS YOUR NEXT PROJECT?
31
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,969
"RING KICHARD THE THRID."
32
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,601
I'M SORRY?
33
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,168
"A SHROE! A SHROE!
34
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:21,407
MY DINGKOME FOR A SHROE!"
35
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,008
AH, "RING KICHARD," YES.
36
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:25,449
BUT SURELY THAT'S
NOT AN ANAGRAM
37
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:26,452
THAT'S A SPOONERISM.
38
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,748
IF YOU'RE GOING
TO SPLIT HAIRS
39
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:28,776
I'M GOING TO PISS OFF.
40
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:35,455
NOW...
41
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:36,655
IT'S...
42
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:50,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
43
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,891
TONY M. NYPHOT'S FLYING RISCCU.
44
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:16,999
MRS. SCAB, YOU HAVE 12 HOURS
TO BEAT THE CLOCK.
45
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:30,575
CORRECT!
46
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:31,879
I'VE DONE IT!
47
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,180
I'VE DONE IT.
48
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,311
HA, HA, HA!
49
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:40,581
HELLO?
50
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:41,889
AH, MR. VICTIM.
51
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,623
YES, I'M GLAD TO SAY
THAT I'VE GOT THE GO-AHEAD
52
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,564
TO LEND YOU
THE MONEY YOU REQUIRE.
53
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:50,194
YES, WE WILL OF COURSE WANT AS
SECURITY THE DEEDS OF YOUR HOUSE
54
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:53,137
OF YOUR AUNT'S HOUSE,
OF YOUR SECOND COUSIN'S HOUSE
55
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,609
OF YOUR WIFE'S PARENTS' HOUSE
AND OF YOUR GRANNIE'S BUNGALOW
56
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,544
AND WE WILL IN ADDITION
NEED A CONTROLLING INTEREST
57
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:00,910
IN YOUR NEW COMPANY
58
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,642
UNRESTRICTED ACCESS
TO YOUR PRIVATE BANK ACCOUNT
59
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:07,084
THE DEPOSIT IN OUR VAULTS OF
YOUR THREE CHILDREN AS HOSTAGES
60
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,419
AND A FULL LEGAL INDEMNITY
AGAINST ANY ACTS OF EMBEZZLEMENT
61
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:13,323
CARRIED OUT AGAINST YOU
BY ANY MEMBERS OF OUR STAFF
62
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,623
DURING THE NORMAL COURSE
OF THEIR DUTIES.
63
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:18,028
NO, I'M AFRAID WE COULDN'T
ACCEPT YOUR DOG
64
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:19,793
INSTEAD OF YOUR YOUNGEST CHILD.
65
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:22,699
WE WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST
A BRAND-NEW SCHEME OF OURS
66
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:25,932
UNDER WHICH 51% OF BOTH YOUR DOG
AND YOUR WIFE PASS TO US
67
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,805
IN THE EVENT OF YOUR SUFFERING
A SERIOUS ACCIDENT.
68
00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:30,365
FINE... NO, NOT AT ALL.
69
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:32,378
NICE TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU.
70
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:38,112
UH... MISS GODFREY, COULD YOU
SEND IN MR. FORD, PLEASE?
71
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,244
NOW, WHERE'S THAT DICTIONARY?
72
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:42,015
AH, YES, HERE WE ARE...
73
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,283
INNER LIFE.
74
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,380
INNER LIFE.
75
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,482
COME IN.
76
00:03:50,463 --> 00:03:52,931
AH... MR. FORD, ISN'T IT?
77
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,160
THAT'S RIGHT.
78
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,189
HOW DO YOU DO?
79
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,327
I'M A MERCHANT BANKER.
80
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:57,597
HOW DO YOU DO,
MR., UH...
81
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,229
I FORGET MY NAME FOR THE MOMENT
82
00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:00,671
BUT I AM A MERCHANT BANKER.
83
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:02,868
OH, I WONDERED WHETHER
YOU'D LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE
84
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:03,898
TO THE ORPHAN'S HOME.
85
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:08,412
WELL, I DON'T WANT TO SHOW MY
HAND TOO EARLY, BUT ACTUALLY
86
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:11,281
HERE AT SLATER NAZI WE ARE
QUITE KEEN TO GET INTO ORPHANS
87
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:13,342
YOU KNOW, DEVELOPING MARKET
AND ALL THAT.
88
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,251
WHAT SORT OF SUM
DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
89
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,347
WELL... UH... YOU'RE A RICH MAN.
90
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:20,484
YES, I AM, YES, YES...
VERY, VERY RICH.
91
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,519
QUITE PHENOMENALLY WEALTHY.
92
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:26,191
YES, I DO... I DO OWN THE MOST
STARTLING QUANTITIES OF CASH.
93
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:27,529
YES, QUITE RIGHT.
94
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,626
YOU'RE RATHER A SMART
YOUNG LAD, AREN'T YOU?
95
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,193
WE COULD DO WITH
SOMEONE LIKE YOU
96
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:32,864
TO FEED
THE PANTOMIME HORSE.
97
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:33,894
VERY SMART.
98
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:34,907
THANK YOU, SIR.
99
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,135
NOW, YOU
WERE SAYING
100
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,735
I'M VERY, VERY, VERY,
VERY, VERY, VERY
101
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,245
VERY, VERY, VERY RICH.
102
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,840
SO... HOW ABOUT A POUND?
103
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:44,247
A POUND... YES, I SEE.
104
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,548
NOW, THIS LOAN
WOULD BE SECURED BY...
105
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,645
IT'S NOT...
IT'S NOT A LOAN, SIR.
106
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:49,484
WHAT?
107
00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:50,511
IT'S NOT A LOAN.
108
00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:52,456
AH...
109
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:55,461
YOU GET ONE
OF THESE, SIR.
110
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,127
A BIT SMALL FOR A SHARE
CERTIFICATE, ISN'T IT?
111
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,030
LOOK, I THINK I'D
BETTER RUN THIS OVER
112
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,364
TO OUR LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
113
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:04,370
IF YOU COULD POSSIBLY
POP BACK ON FRIDAY...
114
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:05,462
DO YOU HAVE
TO DO THAT?
115
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,497
COULDN'T YOU JUST
GIVE ME THE POUND?
116
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:10,441
YES, BUT YOU SEE, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT IT'S FOR.
117
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,239
IT'S FOR THE ORPHANS.
118
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:13,302
YES?
119
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,246
IT'S A GIFT.
120
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,213
A WHAT?
121
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,046
A GIFT.
122
00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:20,513
OH, A GIFT!
123
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:21,952
A TAX DODGE.
124
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,148
NO, NO, NO, NO.
125
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:24,156
NO?
126
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,179
WELL, I'M
AWFULLY SORRY.
127
00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:26,350
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
128
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,950
CAN YOU JUST EXPLAIN
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT?
129
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,394
WELL, I WANT YOU
TO GIVE ME A POUND
130
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:31,692
AND THEN I GO AWAY
131
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:33,562
AND GIVE IT
TO THE ORPHANS.
132
00:05:33,599 --> 00:05:34,566
YES?
133
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:37,626
WELL, THAT'S IT.
134
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,763
NO, NO, NO, I DON'T
FOLLOW THIS AT ALL.
135
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,706
I MEAN, I DON'T
WANT TO SEEM STUPID
136
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:45,302
BUT IT LOOKS TO ME AS THOUGH I'M
A POUND DOWN ON THE WHOLE DEAL.
137
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,040
YES, YOU ARE.
138
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,445
I AM.
139
00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:50,540
WELL, WHAT IS MY INCENTIVE
TO GIVE YOU THE POUND?
140
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:53,518
WELL, THE INCENTIVE IS
TO MAKE THE ORPHANS HAPPY.
141
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:54,577
HAPPY?
142
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,456
YOU QUITE SURE
YOU'VE GOT THIS RIGHT?
143
00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:01,483
YES, LOTS OF PEOPLE
GIVE ME MONEY.
144
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:02,357
WHAT, JUST LIKE THAT?
145
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:03,293
YES.
146
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:04,318
MUST BE SICK.
147
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:07,561
I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU COULD GIVE ME
148
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,091
A LIST OF THEIR NAMES AND
ADDRESSES, COULD YOU?
149
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,969
NO, I JUST GO UP TO THEM
IN THE STREET AND ASK.
150
00:06:14,006 --> 00:06:15,701
GOOD LORD!
151
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,575
THAT'S THE MOST
EXCITING NEW IDEA
152
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,045
I'VE HEARD IN YEARS!
153
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,105
IT'S SO SIMPLE
IT'S BRILLIANT.
154
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,116
WELL, IF THAT
IDEA OF YOURS
155
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:26,516
ISN'T WORTH A POUND
156
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,315
I'D LIKE
TO KNOW WHAT IS.
157
00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:29,321
THANK YOU, SIR.
158
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:30,686
THE ONLY TROUBLE IS...
159
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:31,917
YOU GAVE ME THE IDEA
160
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,789
BEFORE I'D GIVEN
YOU THE POUND.
161
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,623
AND THAT'S NOT
GOOD BUSINESS.
162
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:36,753
ISN'T IT?
163
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:38,491
NO, I'M AFRAID
IT ISN'T.
164
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,500
SO... OFF YOU GO.
165
00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:46,434
NICE TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU.
166
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,234
ANYWAY.
167
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,572
AND OFF WE GO AGAIN.
168
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:52,043
UH... MISS GODFREY,
COULD YOU SEND IN
169
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,069
THE PANTOMIME HORSES, PLEASE?
170
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,349
NOW, I'VE
ASKED YOU...
171
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,557
NOW, I'VE
ASKED YOU...
172
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,327
SHUT UP!
173
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:18,265
NOW, I'VE ASKED
YOU IN HERE
174
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:19,669
TO SEE ME
THIS MORNING
175
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:20,967
BECAUSE I'M AFRAID
176
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,703
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO LET ONE OF YOU GO.
177
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:27,042
I'M VERY SORRY, BUT THE PRESENT
RATIONALIZATION OF THIS FIRM
178
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:29,741
MAKES IT INEVITABLE
THAT WE HIVE ONE OF YOU OFF.
179
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,844
NOW, YOU MAY THINK THAT
THIS IS VERY HARSH BEHAVIOR
180
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:39,380
BUT LET ME TELL YOU
THAT OUR MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS
181
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,892
ACTUALLY QUERIED THE NECESSITY
182
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,020
FOR US TO EMPLOY
A PANTOMIME HORSE AT ALL.
183
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,793
AND SO THE DECISION HAS TO BE
MADE WHICH ONE OF YOU IS TO GO.
184
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:49,062
CHAMPION...
185
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:51,763
HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU
BEEN WITH THIS FIRM?
186
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,532
TRIGGER?
187
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,939
I SEE... WELL, IT'S
A DIFFICULT DECISION
188
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,542
BUT IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR
TRADITIONAL PRINCIPLES
189
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,746
OF FREE ENTERPRISE
AND HEALTHY COMPETITION
190
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:11,052
I'M GOING TO ASK THE TWO OF YOU
TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR IT.
191
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:19,153
NO, I'M AFRAID THERE'S
NO REDUNDANCY SCHEME.
192
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:27,602
IN THE
HARD AND UNRELENTING WORLD OF NATURE
193
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,734
THE CEASELESS STRUGGLE
FOR SURVIVAL CONTINUES.
194
00:08:30,776 --> 00:08:34,234
THIS TIME ONE OF THE PANTOMIME
HORSES CONCEDES DEFEAT
195
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,611
AND SO LIVES
TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY.
196
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:42,519
HERE IN A COLONY OF SEA LIONS,
WE SEE A HUGE BULL SEA LION
197
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:45,388
SEEING OFF AN INTRUDING BULL
198
00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:49,588
WHO IS ATTEMPTING
TO INTRUDE ON HIS HAREM.
199
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,757
THIS PATTERN
OF AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
200
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:55,824
IS TYPICAL
OF THESE DOCUMENTARIES.
201
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,631
HERE WE SEE TWO LIMPETS
202
00:08:57,670 --> 00:09:01,401
LOCKED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE FOR TERRITORY.
203
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,568
THE HUGE BULL LIMPET,
ENRAGED BY THE ROCK
204
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:08,068
ENDEAVORS TO ENCIRCLE
ITS SPRIGHTLY OPPONENT.
205
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,484
HERE WE SEE AN ANT.
206
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:18,081
THIS ANT IS ENGAGED IN A LIFE-
OR-DEATH STRUGGLE WITH THE WOLF.
207
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:23,221
YOU CAN SEE THE ANT CREEPING UP
ON THE WOLF ON ALL SIXES.
208
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,457
NOW HE STOPS TO OBSERVE.
209
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:30,162
SATISFIED THAT THE WOLF HAS NOT
HEARD HIM, HE APPROACHES NEARER.
210
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:33,000
WITH GREAT SKILL,
HE CHOOSES HIS MOMENT
211
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,007
AND THEN, QUICK AS A LIMPET
212
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:39,307
WITH ONE MIGHTY BOUND, BURIES
HIS FANGS IN THE WOLF'S NECK.
213
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,108
THE WOLF STRUGGLES TO NO AVAIL.
214
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:46,778
A BATTLE OF THIS KIND CAN TAKE
ANYTHING UP TO 15 YEARS
215
00:09:46,819 --> 00:09:50,687
BECAUSE THE TIMBER ANT
HAS SUCH A TINY MOUTH.
216
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,281
HERE WE SEE HEINZ SIELMANN
217
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,488
ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE WITH PETER SCOTT.
218
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,759
THEY ARE ENGAGED IN A BITTER
PUNCH-UP OVER REPEAT FEES
219
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,892
ON THE OVERSEAS SALES
OF THEIR NATURE DOCUMENTARIES.
220
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:05,335
NOW THEY HAVE BEEN JOINED
BY AN ENRAGED JACQUES COUSTEAU.
221
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:08,066
THIS IS TYPICAL
OF THE HARSH AND BITCHY WORLD
222
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,506
OF TELEVISION FEATURES.
223
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,237
HERE WE SEE A HONEYBEAR
224
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:15,338
NOT ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE ABOUT ANYTHING.
225
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:18,248
THESE HONEYBEARS ARE PLACID
AND PEACEFUL CREATURES
226
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,218
AND CONSEQUENTLY BAD TELEVISION.
227
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:23,646
HERE WE SEE A PANTOMIME HORSE.
228
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:26,522
IT IS ENGAGED
IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH STRUGGLE
229
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,720
FOR A JOB WITH A MERCHANT BANK.
230
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:32,754
HOWEVER, HIS RIVAL EMPLOYEE,
THE HUGE BULL PANTOMIME HORSE
231
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,561
IS LYING IN WAIT FOR HIM.
232
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,898
POOR PANTOMIME HORSE.
233
00:10:36,936 --> 00:10:39,063
HERE WE SEE A PANTOMIME GOOSE
234
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:43,371
ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE WITH TERENCE RATTIGAN.
235
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:45,273
THE ENRAGED GOOSE FIRES.
236
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,469
POOR TERENCE...
237
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:53,385
ANOTHER VICTIM
OF THIS SILLY FILM.
238
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:57,183
HERE WE SEE AN ENRAGED
PANTOMIME PRINCESS MARGARET.
239
00:10:57,223 --> 00:11:00,090
SHE IS LYING IN WAIT
FOR HER BREAKFAST.
240
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:04,392
THE UNSUSPECTING BREAKFAST
GLIDES EVER CLOSER TO ITS DOOM.
241
00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:08,229
THE ENRAGED PANTOMIME ROYAL
PERSON IS POISED FOR THE KILL.
242
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,394
SHE RAISES HER HARPOON
AND FIRES.
243
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,403
PANG!
244
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:12,927
RIGHT IN THE TOAST.
245
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:15,668
A BRIEF STRUGGLE,
AND ALL IS OVER.
246
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:16,936
POOR BREAKFAST.
247
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:18,671
ANOTHER VICTIM OF...
248
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,422
OH, A PANTOMIME
PHRASE CAUGHT HIMSELF
249
00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:37,428
A NICE LITTLE
DINNER, FRED.
250
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:45,570
I THINK THE DINING ROOM
WANTS HIS DIN-DINS, TOO.
251
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,299
YOUR TURN TODAY, DEAR.
252
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,251
ALL RIGHT, MR. BEDROOM.
253
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,450
YOU'LL GET YOUR DINNER, TOO.
254
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,663
POSTMAN.
255
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,398
OH...
256
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,129
WELL, THE 69's LATE AGAIN TODAY.
257
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:23,692
DO YOU HEAR
THAT, TIM?
258
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,260
YEP... COULD
JUST BE
259
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,431
THE HOUSE WE'RE
LOOKING FOR.
260
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:33,935
THIS, THEN, IS THE STORY
OF TWO DESPERATE MEN
261
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:38,348
HIRED BY THE GOOD PEOPLE
AT N.C.P. CAR PARKS
262
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:43,788
TO HUNT DOWN AND DESTROY
HOUSES TOO DANGEROUS TO LIVE.
263
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,554
WELL, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
264
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,294
OH, THESE ARE HOUSE
DROPPINGS, ALL RIGHT.
265
00:13:57,469 --> 00:14:00,063
OKAY, LET'S GO.
266
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:03,775
PST, OVER HERE.
267
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,299
THAT'S THE ONE.
268
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,504
COVER ME.
269
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:09,070
I'M GOING TO MAKE
A TRY FOR IT.
270
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:58,053
AND SO, THANKS ONCE AGAIN
TO THE UNCEASING EFFORTS
271
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:01,157
OF THE GOOD PEOPLE
AT N.C.P. CAR PARKS
272
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,658
THE WORLD IS MADE
JUST A LITTLE BIT SAFER.
273
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:45,570
"SKETCH JUST
STARTING, ACTOR WANTED."
274
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:52,083
G-GOOD MORNING.
275
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,106
MORNING, SIR.
276
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,983
I'D LIKE TO JOIN
THE ARMY, PLEASE.
277
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,282
I SEE.
278
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:59,052
SHORT SERVICE OR LONG
SERVICE COMMISSION, SIR?
279
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:00,524
UH, LONG
AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE.
280
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:03,027
RIGHT, WELL, I'LL JUST
TAKE A FEW PARTICULARS
281
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,051
AND THEN...
282
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,035
SHOVE OFF!
283
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,477
AND THEN THERE'LL BE
A FEW FORMS TO SIGN.
284
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:27,007
OF COURSE WE'LL
NEED SOME REFERENCES
285
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:28,917
AND THEN A FULL MEDICAL
EXAMINATION BY THE...
286
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:29,921
YES, I SEE.
287
00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:31,183
I-I WAS JUST WONDERING
288
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:32,713
WHETHER IT WOULD
BE POSSIBLE
289
00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:33,883
FOR ME TO... JOIN...
290
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,553
THE WOMEN'S ARMY.
291
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,127
THE WOMEN'S ROYAL
ARMY CORPS, SIR?
292
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,325
UH, YES, I WAS JUST
THINKING, YOU KNOW
293
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:43,835
IF IT WAS POSSIBLE
FOR ME TO HAVE MY CHOICE
294
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:47,134
I'D PREFER TO BE IN THE
WOMEN'S ROYAL ARMY CORPS.
295
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,141
WELL, I'M AFRAID THAT
THE PEOPLE THAT RECRUIT HERE
296
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,735
NORMALLY GO STRAIGHT
INTO THE SCOTS GUARDS.
297
00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:54,642
WHICH IS ALL MEN, I SUPPOSE.
298
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,840
YES, IT IS.
299
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:56,973
YES.
300
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,711
ARE THERE ANY REGIMENTS
301
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,652
WHICH ARE MORE...
EFFEMINATE THAN OTHERS?
302
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,052
WELL, NO, SIR.
303
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:06,854
I MEAN, APART FROM THE MARINES,
THEY'RE ALL DEAD BUTCH.
304
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,325
SEE, WHAT
I REALLY WANTED
305
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,920
WAS A REGIMENT WHERE
I COULD BE REALLY QUIET
306
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,590
AND HAVE MORE
TIME TO MYSELF
307
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:13,757
TO WORK WITH FABRICS
308
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,528
AND CREATING NEW CONCEPTS
IN INTERIOR DESIGN.
309
00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:17,660
WORKING WITH FABRICS
310
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,671
AND EXPERIMENTING
WITH INTERIOR DESIGN?
311
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,195
YES.
312
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,174
OH, WELL, YOU WANT THE DURHAM
LIGHT INFANTRY, THEN, SIR.
313
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,937
OH.
314
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,775
THAT'S THE ONLY REGIMENT THAT'S
REALLY DOING SOMETHING NEW
315
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,074
WITH INTERIOR DESIGN...
316
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,877
WITH COLOR, TEXTURE
AND LINE AND THAT.
317
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:31,883
I SEE.
318
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,214
OH, YES... I MEAN
319
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,516
THEIR USE OF COLOR
WITH FABRICS IS FANTASTIC.
320
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,579
I SAW THEIR PATTERN BOOK
THE OTHER DAY...
321
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:38,715
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL.
322
00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:40,190
SAVAGE TANS...
323
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,126
GREAT SLABS OF BLACK,
SET AGAINST AGGRESSIVE ORANGE.
324
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,221
IT REALLY MAKES YOU
WANT TO SHOUT OUT
325
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,494
"THIS IS GOOD! THIS IS REAL!"
326
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:48,261
REALLY?
327
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,267
OH, YES... I MEAN
328
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,427
THE INNISKILLIN FUSILIERS
329
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:52,027
AND THE ANGLIAN REGIMENT
ARE ALL RIGHT
330
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,368
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED
331
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,464
IN THE ART NOUVEAU
WILLIAM MORRIS REVIVAL BIT
332
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,566
BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT
A REGIMENTAL LINE
333
00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:00,009
THAT IS REALLY SAYING
SOMETHING ABOUT INTERIOR DECOR
334
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,445
THEN YOU'VE GOT TO GO
FOR THE DURHAM LIGHT INFANTRY.
335
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:03,607
OH, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THIS.
336
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,707
I'M HANDING IN MY NOTICE.
337
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,808
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
338
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:07,579
WELL, I MEAN, WHEN I
APPLIED FOR THIS JOB
339
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,086
I THOUGHT I'D GET
A FEW DECENT LINES
340
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:10,679
BUT YOU END UP
DOING THE WHOLE THING.
341
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:12,519
I MEAN, MY LAST FIVE
SPEECHES HAVE BEEN
342
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,822
"REALLY," "REALLY," "I SEE,"
"I SEE" AND "REALLY."
343
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,656
I WOULDN'T GIVE
THOSE LINES TO A DOG.
344
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,822
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, SONNY.
345
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:19,831
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
346
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,230
WE'LL DO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
347
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,200
I'LL BE A BUS CONDUCTOR,
AND YOU CAN BE
348
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:24,930
A REALLY FUNNY
PASSENGER ON A BUS.
349
00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:29,431
ANY MORE
FARES, PLEASE?
350
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,499
I'VE GOT A CHAUFFEUR
351
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:32,203
AND EVERY TIME I GO
TO THE LAVATORY
352
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,211
HE DRIVES ME POTTY!
353
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:34,610
BOOM-BOOM!
ONE IN A ROW.
354
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,276
FIVE PENNY, PLEASE.
355
00:18:38,317 --> 00:18:40,945
FIVE BEAUTIFUL PENNIES
GOING INTO THE BAG
356
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,181
AND YOU ARE
THE LUCKY WINNER OF...
357
00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,621
ONE FIVE PENNY TICKET.
358
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,715
WHAT'S THE WELSHMAN
DOING UNDER THE BED?
359
00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:47,747
HE'S HAVING A LEAK!
360
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:51,194
OH, THEY'RE ALL
IN HERE TONIGHT.
361
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:52,754
LOOK!
362
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,197
I AM LOOKING.
363
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,667
IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN
KEEP MY EYELIDS APART.
364
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,431
BOOM-BOOM!
EVERY ONE A MASERATI.
365
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:01,268
LOOK, YOU SAID I WAS GOING
TO BE A FUNNY PASSENGER.
366
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,466
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
367
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,408
I MEAN, ALL I SAID WAS,
"FIVE PENNY, PLEASE."
368
00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:05,876
YOU CAN'T CALL
THAT A FUNNY LINE.
369
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:07,276
WELL, IT'S THE WAY
YOU SAID IT.
370
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,336
NO, IT ISN'T.
371
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:10,211
NOBODY CAN SAY
"FIVE PENNY, PLEASE"
372
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,238
AND MAKE IT FUNNY.
373
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:13,046
FIVE PENNY, PLEASE.
374
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:26,492
MORNING.
375
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,379
NOT SO WARM TODAY,
EH, GEORGE?
376
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:54,924
GOOD MORNING.
377
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:55,925
GOOD MORNING.
378
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,052
GOOD MORNING.
379
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:58,494
GOOD MORNING.
380
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,262
COME IN, MR. HORTON.
381
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:11,598
MORNING, SIR.
382
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:17,838
DO, UH...
383
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,214
DO SIT DOWN.
384
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,218
THANK YOU, SIR.
385
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:25,681
NOW, THEN, HORTON.
386
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,282
YOU'VE BEEN
WITH US FOR 20 YEARS
387
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,294
AND YOUR WORK IN
THE ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT
388
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,352
HAS BEEN IMMACULATE.
389
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,420
NO, NO... PLEASE
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
390
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:35,956
AS I SAY, YOUR WORK HAS
BEEN BEYOND REPROACH.
391
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,296
BUT UNFORTUNATELY
392
00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:40,237
THE EFFECT YOU ARE HAVING
ON YOUR COLLEAGUES
393
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:42,467
HAS UNDERMINED THE COMPETENCE...
394
00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:45,533
HAS UNDERMINED THE COMPETENCE
OF THIS FIRM TO SUCH A POINT
395
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,477
THAT I'M AFRAID
I'VE GOT NO OPTION...
396
00:20:48,513 --> 00:20:49,673
BUT TO SACK YOU.
397
00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:53,515
I'M SORRY
TO HEAR THAT, SIR.
398
00:20:53,552 --> 00:20:55,679
IT COULDN'T HAVE
COME AT A WORSE TIME.
399
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,423
THERE'S SCHOOL FEES
FOR THE TWO BOYS COMING UP
400
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:01,983
AND THE WIFE'S TREATMENT
COSTING MORE NOW, SIR.
401
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:04,894
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE MONEY'S
COMING FROM AS IT IS.
402
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,262
AND NOW I DON'T
SEE ANY FUTURE.
403
00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:09,893
I'D BEEN HOPING I MIGHT
BE ABLE TO HANG ON HERE
404
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,766
JUST FOR THE LAST
COUPLE OF YEARS
405
00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:13,100
BUT NOW... I...
406
00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:15,231
I JUST WANT
TO GO OUT AND END IT ALL.
407
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,638
THANK YOU,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
408
00:21:20,679 --> 00:21:22,112
AND NOW FOR THE FISH...
409
00:21:22,147 --> 00:21:24,809
THE FISH
DOWN THE TROUSERS.
410
00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:28,485
IT'S YOUR LAUGH, MATE,
IT'S NOT MINE.
411
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,250
IT'S YOUR TROUSERS, NOT MY TROUSERS...
YOUR TROUSERS.
412
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,019
AND NOW FOR
THE WHITEWASH.
413
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:34,753
THE WHITEWASH
OVER YOU...
414
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:37,452
NOT OVER ME,
IT'S OVER YOU.
415
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:38,827
YOU GET THE LAUGHS.
416
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,422
YOU GET ALL
THE LAUGHS.
417
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:43,229
AND NOW FOR THE CUSTARD
PIE IN THE MUSH.
418
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,028
IT'S NOT MY MUSH,
IT'S YOUR MUSH.
419
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,196
IT'S YOUR LAUGH...
420
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:49,139
IT'S YOUR LAUGH,
MATE, IT'S NOT MINE.
421
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:50,539
IT'S YOUR
BLEEDING LAUGH.
422
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:05,017
GOOD EVENING.
423
00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:06,524
WELL, TONIGHT
WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT...
424
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:07,991
WELL, THAT IS,
I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT...
425
00:22:08,026 --> 00:22:09,459
WELL, ACTUALLY,
I'M TALKING ABOUT IT NOW.
426
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,962
WELL, I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT IT NOW, BUT I AM TALKING.
427
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,464
I KNOW I'M PAUSING OCCASIONALLY
428
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:15,022
AND NOT TALKING
DURING THE PAUSES
429
00:22:15,067 --> 00:22:17,695
BUT THE PAUSES ARE PART
OF THE WHOLE PROCESS OF TALKING.
430
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:19,636
WHEN ONE TALKS,
ONE HAS TO PAUSE.
431
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:20,729
UH... LIKE THEN.
432
00:22:20,772 --> 00:22:22,399
I PAUSED,
BUT I WAS STILL TALKING.
433
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:23,601
AND AGAIN THERE!
434
00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:25,507
THE REAL POINT
OF WHAT I'M SAYING IS
435
00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:27,444
THAT WHEN I APPEAR
NOT TO BE TALKING
436
00:22:27,479 --> 00:22:30,573
DON'T GO NIPPING OUT TO THE
KITCHEN, PUTTING THE KETTLE ON
437
00:22:30,615 --> 00:22:31,809
BUTTERING SCONES
438
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:33,579
OR GETTING CRUMBS
AND BITS OF FOOD
439
00:22:33,618 --> 00:22:35,518
OUT OF THOSE ROUND,
BROWN STRAW MATS
440
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:37,317
THAT THE TEAPOT GOES ON,
YOU KNOW.
441
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:40,291
BECAUSE IN ALL PROBABILITY,
I'M STILL TALKING
442
00:22:40,325 --> 00:22:42,384
AND WHAT YOU HEARD WAS A PAUSE.
443
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:44,088
LIKE THERE AGAIN.
444
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,959
LOOK, TO MAKE IT
ABSOLUTELY EASIER
445
00:22:45,997 --> 00:22:47,521
SO THERE'S NO PROBLEM AT ALL
446
00:22:47,566 --> 00:22:50,797
WHAT I'LL DO IS I'LL GIVE YOU
SOME KIND OF SIGN, LIKE THIS...
447
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:53,828
WHEN I'M STILL TALKING AND
ONLY PAUSING IN BETWEEN WORDS.
448
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:57,364
AND WHEN I'M FINISHED ALTOGETHER
I'LL DO THIS, ALL RIGHT?
449
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,376
NO, NO, SORRY!
450
00:22:58,410 --> 00:22:59,604
NO, NO.
451
00:22:59,644 --> 00:23:01,305
SORRY, JUST DEMONSTRATING.
452
00:23:01,346 --> 00:23:02,438
HAVEN'T FINISHED.
453
00:23:02,481 --> 00:23:04,039
HAVEN'T STARTED YET.
454
00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:05,481
OH, DEAR.
455
00:23:05,517 --> 00:23:06,882
NEARLY FORGOT THE GESTURE.
456
00:23:06,918 --> 00:23:09,443
HOPE NONE OF YOU ARE
NIPPING OUT INTO THE KITCHEN
457
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:12,116
GETTING BITS OF FOOD OUT
OF THOSE ROUND, BROWN MATS
458
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:13,316
WHICH THE...
459
00:23:14,793 --> 00:23:16,454
GOOD EVENING.
460
00:23:16,495 --> 00:23:18,122
TONIGHT, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT...
461
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:20,893
WE INTERRUPT
THIS PROGRAM TO ANNOY YOU
462
00:23:20,932 --> 00:23:23,526
AND MAKE THINGS
GENERALLY IRRITATING FOR YOU.
463
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:26,401
...WITH A LARGE PIECE
OF WET PAPER.
464
00:23:27,639 --> 00:23:29,607
TURN THE PAPER OVER...
465
00:23:29,641 --> 00:23:32,838
TURN THE PAPER OVER,
KEEPING YOUR EYE ON THE CAMEL
466
00:23:32,878 --> 00:23:35,745
AND PASTE DOWN THE EDGE
OF THE SAILOR'S UNIFORM
467
00:23:35,781 --> 00:23:39,046
UNTIL THE WORD "MAUDLING"
IS ALMOST TOTALLY OBSCURED.
468
00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:43,251
WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY
OF DOING IT.
469
00:23:44,489 --> 00:23:45,683
GOOD EVENING.
470
00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:47,021
WE INTERRUPT
THIS PROGRAM AGAIN
471
00:23:47,058 --> 00:23:48,582
"A," TO IRRITATE YOU
472
00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:51,095
AND "B," TO PROVIDE WORK
FOR ONE OF OUR ANNOUNCERS.
473
00:23:51,129 --> 00:23:52,824
GOOD EVENING.
474
00:23:52,864 --> 00:23:56,265
I'M THE ANNOUNCER WHO'S JUST
BEEN GIVEN THIS JOB BY THE BBC
475
00:23:56,301 --> 00:23:59,327
AND I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY
HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO THE BBC
476
00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:00,861
FOR PROVIDING ME WITH WORK
477
00:24:00,906 --> 00:24:02,806
PARTICULARLY AT
THIS TIME OF YEAR
478
00:24:02,841 --> 00:24:05,435
WHEN THINGS ARE A BIT THIN
FOR US ANNOUNCERS.
479
00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:07,377
UM...
480
00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:11,610
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER
I SHOULD TELL YOU THIS, BUT...
481
00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:15,177
WELL, I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH
A RATHER TOUGH TIME RECENTLY.
482
00:24:16,721 --> 00:24:18,985
THINGS HAVE BEEN
PRETTY AWFUL AT HOME.
483
00:24:19,024 --> 00:24:23,188
MY WIFE, JOSEPHINE...
"JOE-JUMS" AS I CALL HER...
484
00:24:23,261 --> 00:24:24,853
WHO'S ALSO AN ANNOUNCER...
485
00:24:24,896 --> 00:24:26,488
HELLO.
486
00:24:26,531 --> 00:24:28,863
UH, HAS NOT
BEEN ABLE TO ANNOUNCE
487
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,334
SINCE OUR YOUNGEST, CLIFFORD,
WAS BORN, AND...
488
00:24:32,771 --> 00:24:34,602
WELL, I'VE JUST GOT
NO CONFIDENCE LEFT.
489
00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:36,630
I MEAN... I CAN'T GET UP
IN THE MORNING.
490
00:24:36,675 --> 00:24:38,609
I FEEL THERE'S
NOTHING WORTH LIVING FOR.
491
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:40,406
HELLO, I'M ANOTHER ANNOUNCER.
492
00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:41,673
MY NAME IS DICK.
493
00:24:41,713 --> 00:24:43,305
JOE-JUMS JUST RANG ME
494
00:24:43,348 --> 00:24:45,680
AND SAID JACK WAS HAVING A BAD
TIME WITH THIS ANNOUNCEMENT
495
00:24:45,717 --> 00:24:47,207
SO I'VE JUST COME
TO GIVE HIM A HAND.
496
00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:48,344
HOW IS HE, JOE-JUMS?
497
00:24:48,386 --> 00:24:49,853
PRETTY BAD, DICK.
498
00:24:49,888 --> 00:24:51,185
JACK, IT'S DICK.
499
00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:53,384
DO YOU WANT ME
TO MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT?
500
00:24:53,425 --> 00:24:55,222
NO.
501
00:24:55,293 --> 00:24:57,818
NO, DICK, I MUST DO IT MYSELF.
502
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:00,995
IT'S MY LAST CHANCE
WITH THE BBC.
503
00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:02,226
I CAN'T THROW IT AWAY.
504
00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:04,131
I'VE GOT TO DO IT
505
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:07,866
FOR JOE-JUMS, FOR THE KIDS...
506
00:25:07,906 --> 00:25:09,373
I'VE GOT TO GO THROUGH WITH IT.
507
00:25:09,407 --> 00:25:10,806
GOOD MAN.
508
00:25:10,842 --> 00:25:12,901
NOW, REMEMBER
YOUR ANNOUNCER'S TRAINING...
509
00:25:12,944 --> 00:25:15,970
DEEP BREATHS, AND TRY NOT TO
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
510
00:25:18,450 --> 00:25:20,247
GOOD EVENING.
511
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,717
THIS IS BBC 1.
512
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:23,914
GOOD LUCK, JACK.
513
00:25:23,955 --> 00:25:25,513
KEEP GOING, OLD BOY.
514
00:25:25,557 --> 00:25:27,149
IT'S 9:00
515
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:29,217
AND TIME FOR THE NEWS
516
00:25:29,261 --> 00:25:33,163
READ BY RICHARD BAKER.
517
00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:34,358
YOU'VE DONE IT!
518
00:25:34,399 --> 00:25:35,627
CONGRATULATIONS, OLD MAN!
519
00:25:35,667 --> 00:25:36,691
WAS IT OKAY?
520
00:25:36,735 --> 00:25:37,895
ABSOLUTELY TOP-O!
521
00:25:37,936 --> 00:25:39,460
ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS.
522
00:25:39,504 --> 00:25:40,471
YOU KNOW YOU WERE!
523
00:25:40,505 --> 00:25:41,767
FANTASTIC, DARLING!
524
00:25:41,806 --> 00:25:43,137
YOU WERE BRILLIANT, REALLY.
525
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,572
IT'S SO
MARVELOUS TO HAVE YOU HERE.
526
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:51,148
FOR GOD'S SAKE, DRINK THIS...
527
00:25:56,755 --> 00:25:58,154
YOU WERE ROCK SOLID.
528
00:25:58,189 --> 00:25:59,679
THANKS VERY MUCH.
529
00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:23,243
I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH THAT MEANS.
530
00:26:23,281 --> 00:26:25,772
I THINK IT'S A TURNING POINT...
531
00:26:32,290 --> 00:26:33,314
HELLO, REGGIE.
532
00:26:33,391 --> 00:26:34,323
WHAT?
533
00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:35,654
IS THAT GORDON?
534
00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:37,321
YES... HANG ON, REGGIE.
535
00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:45,228
...UNTIL THE NAME MAUDLING
IS ALMOST TOTALLY OBSCURED.
536
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:47,898
THAT IS THE NED
OF THE NICLOE-NOCK WENS.
537
00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:50,464
AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR THE LATE-NIGHT FILM.
538
00:27:31,783 --> 00:27:33,808
OH!
539
00:27:33,852 --> 00:27:38,186
OH, PANTOMIME HORSE,
THAT WAS... WONDERFUL!
540
00:27:38,223 --> 00:27:40,123
WOULD YOU LIKE
ANOTHER GLASS?
541
00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:41,682
OH, NO, NO, I MUSTN'T.
542
00:27:41,726 --> 00:27:43,216
IT MAKES ME THROW UP.
543
00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:46,157
OH, I'M SO
BLEEDING HAPPY.
544
00:27:47,232 --> 00:27:48,722
OH, SIMONE.
545
00:27:48,767 --> 00:27:51,531
OH, PANTOMIME HORSE.
546
00:27:51,569 --> 00:27:52,797
THEN...
547
00:28:34,979 --> 00:28:36,378
AND NOW THE
ENGLISH PANTOMIME HORSE
548
00:28:36,414 --> 00:28:38,814
HAS VERY NEARLY CAUGHT UP WITH
THE RUSSIAN PANTOMIME HORSE.
549
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:40,715
I THINK HE'S GOING
TO TAKE HIM ANY MOMENT NOW.
550
00:28:40,752 --> 00:28:42,219
BUT WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT IS THIS?
551
00:28:42,253 --> 00:28:44,221
YES, IT'S THE PANTOMIME
PRINCESS MARGARET
552
00:28:44,255 --> 00:28:45,654
AND THE PANTOMIME GOOSE
553
00:28:45,690 --> 00:28:47,817
AND THEY'RE ATTACKING
THE ENGLISH PANTOMIME HORSE
554
00:28:47,859 --> 00:28:49,952
AND THE RUSSIAN
PANTOMIME HORSE HAS GOT AWAY
555
00:28:49,994 --> 00:28:50,961
BUT WHO IS THIS?
556
00:28:50,995 --> 00:28:52,155
MY GOODNESS ME!
557
00:28:52,197 --> 00:28:53,858
IT'S THE DUKE OF KENT
TO THE RESCUE.
558
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:02,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
559
00:29:12,217 --> 00:29:14,344
HERE YOU SEE
560
00:29:14,385 --> 00:29:15,750
SOME ENGLISH COMIC ACTORS
561
00:29:15,787 --> 00:29:17,618
ENGAGED IN A LIFE-OR-DEATH
STRUGGLE
562
00:29:17,655 --> 00:29:19,054
WITH A RATHER WEAK ENDING.
563
00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:21,581
THIS IS TYPICAL OF
THE ZANY, MADCAP WORLD
564
00:29:21,626 --> 00:29:23,787
OF THE IRRESISTIBLE,
KOOKY FUNSTERS.
565
00:29:23,828 --> 00:29:25,853
THE ENGLISH PANTOMIME HORSE WINS
566
00:29:25,897 --> 00:29:28,593
AND SO IS ASSURED
OF A PLACE IN BRITISH HISTORY
567
00:29:28,633 --> 00:29:30,692
AND A STEADY JOB
IN A MERCHANT BANK.
568
00:29:32,203 --> 00:29:35,104
UNFORTUNATELY, BEFORE
HIS PENSION RIGHTS ARE ASSURED
569
00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:36,835
HE CATCHES BRONCHITIS AND DIES
570
00:29:36,875 --> 00:29:40,242
ANOTHER VICTIM OF THE NEED
TO FINISH THESE SHOWS ON TIME.