Previously on This is Us...
You took the sourest lemon
that life has to offer.
and turned it into something resembling lemonade.
I'm starting to feel like
you attaching yourself to something that's not
a calculated act is just too much
for your empty human shell to handle.
And that's our cue to leave.
Where'd they go? Uh, they left.
My car!
Is that Sloane in your bed?
Hey, Kate.
- You're so pretty. - Thank you, baby.
Well, if I'm pretty, you're pretty, 'cause we look alike.
I've got to get a handle
on myself, on the weight, and on all of it.
I need that more than anything right now, and I want it.
I want it more than anything right now.
Even more than me?
You and William have known each other
for Randall's entire life, and you kept that from him?
You kept that secret for 36 years.
That must have been incredibly lonely.
No. Not yet.
I'll see you at Christmas.
Did we overdo it?
It's like a toy factory under there.
I'm not really sure what kind of message that sends.
That we have three kids and I work really hard.
It's fine.
Mom, are we going caroling?
Yes, we will.
Hey, Kate,
stop counting presents.
Mommy, my tummy hurts.
I bet it does.
I saw that open package of cookies
in the kitchen that was supposed to be for Santa's stomach,
- and not yours. - Pow, pow, pow!
Hey, stop horsing around! - Guys.
Mom, Kevin took my money from Grandma.
No, I didn't. It's over there on the table.
Why do you even care?
- You're too cheap to spend anything. - Kev.
When we're older,
I'll be rich.
And you won't have anything,
and you'll have to live in a box.
Enough money talk.
You guys realize that Christmas is not just
about presents and getting things, right?
You guys know that.
Hey, why don't you guys
tell your mother what Christmas is about, huh?
Please.
It's about Jesus stuff.
"Jesus stuff."
That's it. We are going to church.
Probably a good idea.
Yes. We're going.
My tummy really hurts.
Baby, that is not getting you out of church.
We'll go caroling when we get back.
I don't know, babe.
She-she's really burning up.
Mommy, I'm scared.
I know, baby, I know, but everything's gonna be fine.
I promise you.
You're gonna be asleep,
and they take out appendixes every day here.
It's like... pulling a tooth.
But that hurts.
Yeah, that was a terrible example.
Um, can you stop for a second?
I have an idea.
Uh, everyone hold hands. I'll be right back.
Come on, guys, hands.
Hey, baby.
This branch-- do you see this branch?
This branch has Christmas magic on it.
Nothing bad ever happens on Christmas Eve.
Say it.
Nothing bad happens on Christmas Eve.
Now, I'm gonna hold on to this for you,
and when you wake up,
all of us are gonna be waiting for you, and guess what.
It's gonna be Christmas.
- Okay. I love you. - Thanks, guys.
I love you.
Thanks.
Good Mommy.
Yeah.
- Okay. - Kev?
Bud?
Kev?
Hold on a sec, bud. Thanks, guys. Sorry.
It's scary, but she's gonna be okay, I promise you.
I think we're gonna be here for a little bit,
so why don't I go try and find us some good snacks.
I worked in this hospital 40 years.
I know you have a stash of decent blankets.
Dr. K?
I thought I recognized that voice.
Oh, hey, you.
Yeah, it's been a while.
Nine years.
Ooh.
What's... happening? What's all this about?
I was rushing to get to the airport, hit some ice.
Wrapped my old LeSabre around a lamppost.
Ooh. How about you?
You just come for the food?
No. Uh, our little Kate...
appendectomy.
Oh, no.
And on Christmas Eve.
Well, don't worry about it; it's routine stuff these days.
Yeah, thank you. I know.
Where is your family?
They on their way?
Uh, Montana; that's where we go.
I mean, they're-they're trying, but weather being what it is,
they wouldn't get here in time to say good-bye anyway.
Good-bye?
I don't, I don't really understand.
You seem okay.
Yeah, well... it's internal.
A slow hemorrhage between the heart and a lung.
Can't they operate?
Well, I'm sure they'll try,
but don't let this flattering
hospital lighting fool you, Rebecca, I'm old.
And the odds of digging around in me
without causing either a massive stroke or a bleed-out
are close enough to zero to pass for it in any math I know of.
No, come on. Th-They're gonna fix him.
I don't know, Jack.
Who's Dr. K?
Uh, he's the doctor who delivered Kevin and Kate.
If it weren't for him, we never would have found you.
So he's kind of responsible for our family.
And tonight... we're gonna be his.
Thank you.
It's not just a coincidence.
The only reason you delivered our kids
was because our doctor's appendix burst,
and now Kate's appendix brought us all back here.
On Christmas Eve, of all nights.
You trying to wax poetic on me?
I'd rather you wax that mustache.
'Cause if your musings on the great circle of life
are gonna be the last things I ever hear,
dear God, take me now.
You're not going anywhere, okay?
Y-You're gonna be fine.
And, Jack, I am very excited that you became a doctor
in the years since we talked, but you don't have to say that.
You said it so many times to us.
From the looks of things, I was right.
Yeah.
Are you scared?
Rebecca.
Scared?
Of the great beyond?
Well, now, I-I am on quite a bit of morphine here,
so that does have to be taken into account,
but, uh... no.
I guess I would say curious.
I remember the first time I walked up
on the edge of the Grand Canyon.
It's been pretty well talked up,
so my expectations were mighty high.
But still, it, uh...
it did not disappoint.
Not a bit.
Mount Rushmore I could take or leave.
No, I mean it.
If the great beyond is no more impressive
than the oversized mugs of four old white men,
hell, I can see that in my Wednesday golf group.
If I want to pray, which one works the best?
Well, in the end,
I'd say they all get the job done just fine.
So the old man is nearly gone at this point.
And I'm there with his wife,
and their kids are crying,
you know, just waiting for the end.
The guys says, barely above a whisper--
I mean, you can hardly hear him--
"Let me go. I want to go."
Well, his wife is... in tears,
and leaning over him,
and she says, "Yes, go, my love.
We'll be okay. You can go."
The old man wheezes out, "No, I can't.
You're standing on my damn catheter."
Hey, sweetheart.
Do you want to come in?
I take it you're Randall.
My dad said you're the reason they adopted me.
So thank you.
Well, would you look at that.
Aw.
That is a fine snow globe.
I love that.
Thank you, Randall.
But, you know, the only thing I did that day
was nudge a man in a direction he already wanted to go.
If at some point in your life,
you find a way to show somebody else the same kindness
that your parents showed you, that's, uh,
well, that's all the present I'll need.
But I sure do like this snow globe.
Yes, sir. You know,
I'll bet you that's just what my Montana cabin looks like,
right this minute.
It lights up.
It does?
Come show me.
Well, would you look at that.
So it does.
I'll be darned.
- sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com -
They can't cancel our play on Christmas Eve. Who does that?
What did you think would happen?
Our lead actress vanished a month ago,
off the face of the planet,
rode away from your cabin, so thank you very much.
"Thank you very much"? What did I do?
You got involved with her.
You slept with the Tony-nominated star of my play
and ruined everything.
Yeah, well, you know, I slept with you, too.
It didn't ruin anything.
Yeah, only ten years of therapy.
I came to New York specifically to do this play.
My play. And now, because of you, I have to go
to Hanukkah dinner at my parents' house
and tell them and my perfect sister
that the play isn't happening-- years of hearing that I'd never
be a playwright, and then finally I was, but now I'm not.
I'm sorry, okay? Really, I'm sorry.
- What can I do? - Come to dinner with me.
Oh, thanks, yeah, but I have this Christmas Eve
tradition thing I do at my brother's.
No, I'm not really asking you. You owe me.
Why do you want me to come to your family dinner?
'Cause I told Mom I'm dating the Manny.
That seems weird.
Well, I'd just made the huge mistake of sleeping with you.
And then I was on the phone with my mom,
and she was going on and on about how I'd never
make a living as a playwright, and because
our only other topic of conversation is my love life,
I said, "I'm dating the Manny," just to shut her up.
And so now I can't show up with no play and no Manny.
So you want me to pretend we're dating.
Which is insane, I know.
No. No, it's fine. Actually, we did that storyline twice
on the show. Come on.
Great, that makes me feel a lot better.
Oh, Kevin, anything else?
Mm-mm.
No, Mrs. Sandberg, I am all set.
But, um, thank you. Everything's been great.
- Hanukkah, right? Crazy. - We used to watch The Manny.
- Oh, yeah? - When did you ever watch The Manny?
We watched The Manny. We loved it.
Really? 'Cause I thought you were too busy to watch TV.
We watched The Manny, Sloane.
- What do you want me to say? - Well, I tell you what,
I am happy that you did.
- Thank you. - Oh, me, too.
I am so happy that you had time
to watch The Manny, but couldn't come see
my play that ran for four weekends
right down the street.
Is that the one with the awful mother?
It was you, Ma. It wasn't me.
- She gave the character your name. - How do you know?
You were too busy watching The Manny to go see it.
- Can we be excused? - After the reading.
Uh, Paul, the shamash?
Oh, Sloane, do the story.
Kevin, you are in for a treat.
- She tells it beautifully. - Why is it always her?
I can tell it beautifully.
Honey, no offense, but you tell it like it's a hostage video.
I'm eloquent.
Someone read the damn story.
Okay, my little ones.
So, many, many years ago,
there was a Greek king who ruled over all of Israel.
And this king said,
"You have to pray to the Greek gods,
or you're gonna be in so much trouble."
And the Jews were like, "Yeah, I don't think so."
And there was this one man named Mattathias
who had five sons and probably some daughters, too--
but we may never know, because welcome to history--
and one son named
Judah Maccabee, who gathered all of these fighters,
and he called them The Maccabees
because he got to name them.
And they went against the king
to get back the temple, even though the Greek soldiers
came in on giant elephants, and I would have been like,
"An elephant," and then just given up
right then, but they didn't.
The Jews rode strong until the Greeks left Jerusalem.
Yay, right?
Except for when they went back to the temple
to light the menorah and clean up,
they found that the Greeks destroyed
all of the oil except for one jug.
That's only enough to light it for one night.
But as God's reward
for their loyal fighting, he let that jug
last for eight whole nights.
- Why are we not doing that? - What?
It's like you and me, though, right?
Nobody believes that I'm a real actor.
Nobody believes that you're a real playwright.
- Who doesn't believe that? - You, Ma.
- Not true. - Also me.
See? No one believes. We have to have faith in each other.
Right? Screw these producers.
We'll put this play on ourselves.
What... what does he mean?
Did something go wrong with the play?
I'm sorry.
Uh...
They pulled the plug.
- Oh. - We don't have an actress,
so we don't have a play.
Well, maybe we do have an actress.
Oh, no. Come on.
No, no, no, you said
- that you played the role before, right? - No. No. Yes.
- When I was workshopping it, I... - That's great.
Oh, you should have seen her in Guys and Dolls.
It was sixth grade; they're still talking about it.
Oh, Melvin, get the tape.
- I want to see the tape. - No, no.
- Kevin, putting on a show is... - Mm-hmm?
...it's a huge amount of work.
And money. I had a vendor try to get me to invest in a show--
Wicked-- I said, "No way."
And here we are.
Huh.
Listen, here's my point: I don't care, okay?
I'll put up my own money. We... I have faith in us.
I believe in us. Do you?
What do you got to lose?
- Okay! - Yes!
- Okay, yes! - You want to do it? We're gonna do it!
No, this is great. This is... This actually happened once
in The Manny, but you got to be careful, 'cause we were engaged
- by the end of season two, so... - Oh, all right.
This will be the size of your new stomach.
Aportion control is critical.
In the beginning, you can only eat about two ounces at a time,
so you'll need to eat six small meals throughout the day
to get all the nutrients that you need.
Is that a real egg?
Um...
There's no leeway in there.
If you overeat or eat something that
your new stomach can't tolerate, you may get violently ill--
shakes, vomiting, sweats, diarrhea, fainting.
Are you hearing all of this?
I'm trying to, but someone won't stop talking.
And because you're not eating much,
you have to watch the quality
of your food to avoid malnutrition.
You'll have to commit to a vitamin and mineral regimen
the rest of your life or risk things like
anemia, osteoporosis--
diseases you would never think of.
And I thought the surgery itself
was the only thing I had to be concerned about.
It sounds scary, I know.
But this surgery
is actually a very positive choice for most people.
It's just part of my job to make sure
everyone knows all the dangers.
Well, you're very good at it.
Thank you.
And, because I know we're all anxious to get out of here
and start our holiday,
I hope you have something very fun planned.
We do. We're gonna go to my son's house.
Well, good. Uh, so, Kate, I just need
a, um, a few more things for your intake forms.
Is that your current weight?
Uh, y-yeah, pretty close.
Okay.
Ever take anything for depression?
Prozac. But it made me gain weight, so I...
- What? - What?
I didn't know that you were on Prozac.
- Yeah, well... - Why?
Because I'm not always jolly.
And what about eating habits?
Do you ever binge?
- Yes. - No.
Mom.
Okay, fine, when you were a kid, maybe,
but I don't know why...
Yeah. Also last month.
Really?
Yes, really.
So, I hope you have a nice holiday.
Thank you.
We can run in and change, and go right to Randall's.
I already texted him. I don't feel like going.
There's usually Christmas music on 101.7.
Did I do this?
I did, didn't I?
With the food.
I didn't know if I brought up the food too much
or I wasn't bringing it up enough.
I never knew what to say, Kate.
Did I do this to you?
I don't know.
Hey! Hey!
Hey, I figured out the lights. It was the breaker that...
- Yeah. - ...we never upgraded after
we installed the trash compactor.
All right, one second.
Yes, okay, all right.
You know what I want?
I want one person to tell me that I'm doing the right thing.
Do you remember when you got your appendix out?
Yeah.
And I remember being so scared.
'Cause you were just my little baby girl.
What did you say to me then?
Hmm.
That nothing bad ever happens on Christmas Eve.
And I bet I liked it.
Yes!
For real!
I saw a monkey on the street one night.
take me out there pretty late.
But this night, there it was.
It was on a side street, just sitting there
in a pool of light under a lamppost.
Stared at me a bit,
then ran on up between the buildings, but first,
with this look back at me like, "Mm-hmm. You know."
Now, I can't even say for sure
if it was real, but like him,
I knew in general, if you're out on the street at 3:30
in the morning, at some point,
you realize you made a very wrong turn.
So I stopped the drugs
and learned to tame that wildness from the inside,
until I could eventually walk in the daylight.
That's why, when a man knocked on my door one day...
...I was there to open it.
I don't know if it was from God or what.
I did not expect God's grace,
but now I had to open myself to the pain of it,
to feel the joy of it.
And that's a word we use around the holiday times: joy.
'Cause the holidays are hard times.
But tonight I'll go back to my son's house,
have Christmas with his beautiful family,
and stay up late enough to feel Christmas Eve
turn into Christmas Day, one last time.
And you gave me that.
And I want to say I'm grateful.
And Merry Christmas.
Thank you.
Hello. I'm Jessie.
Hi, Jessie.
Uh, no monkey story for you, I'm afraid.
Um, I do have one about a horse, but it gets pretty filthy.
About a year ago, I was in
quite a good place.
Thanks to diligence and these meetings,
I had a grip on my various habits.
And I, too, had met someone,
at a time in my life when I thought that bit
of my heart could never be stirred again.
Uh, but then, that love went away.
Rather, the object of it went away.
Love itself was more stubborn.
I thought he had died.
Or been killed, or was in prison.
I had no idea. He just left.
And I had some very dark nights,
nights that lasted for days at a time.
And... and then I found out
he was fine.
No, he's more than fine.
He'd found his own new love: his family.
I wanted to be happy for him.
I tried to be.
But I was very, very bad at it.
And so I turned to my old habits
to chase away the questions of how a person
could behave in so inhuman a way.
Oh, look.
There is an animal in my story after all.
So now, to get better,
I have to learn a new skill: forgiveness.
And so far, it seems I'm also very, very bad at that.
So I ask for your prayers...
because...
this group is the one thing I can depend on.
Hey, Randall, it's me.
I'm gonna be a little later than I thought.
Just got to take care of a little business.
See you then.
The monkey was real.
I remember it on the news.
Former animal trainer from the movies,
had a pet monkey...
got out...
was recaptured.
Well, that's some relief, I guess.
Glad to see you're well.
Am I?
Christmas tree or Santa?
Not much of an appetite.
So it spread?
Yeah, it's everywhere by now.
- Prognosis? - Poor.
And you didn't think I'd want to know.
I'm sorry.
I came here tonight
to tell you I'm sorry; I knew you'd be here.
Did you?
I didn't.
Three months ago, I didn't think I would be anywhere tonight.
I was so broken, I would visit your crazy old neighbor
just so I could hold your damn cat.
I shouldn't have run off.
Why did you?
I wanted to spare you.
Oh. Nice.
How selfless of you.
Okay, then spare me.
I needed to say a proper good-bye.
I was wrong not to give us that.
So, are you dying tonight?
Not at the moment, no.
Tomorrow, then?
Sometime after, I suppose.
Well, then, I'll keep this very simple.
William Hill,
I loved you and you left.
Now I'd like to spend
whatever time you have remaining together.
Would you?
I'm gonna be a little later than I thought.
Just gotta take carea little business. See you then.
Is everybody drinking enough?
Randall Pearson.
My father won't be at the house, either.
Kevin and Kate canceled.
Now William's got some business.
Where the hell you think he went, anyway?
Acting all mysterious.
I was just talking with some women outside of the bathroom,
and word on the street is you bought a boat.
Well, Andy Fannin was selling his.
Uh-oh. You didn't already get me a boat, did you?
That's not funny.
What are you gonna do with a boat?
Sometimes a man just needs a boat, Beth.
This boat is not a boat, Randall; this boat is sadness.
Bad name for a boat.
When you get depressed, you buy things, Randall.
I'm not depressed.
- Baby. Please, okay? - Hmm.
Your father is dying and your mother was lying to you...
I told my mother I understand.
Understanding and forgiveness are two very different animals.
The adult in you is probably all good,
but the little boy in you is still hurt.
So I got him a boat.
You're welcome, little boy.
Hey, go find Andy Fannin and un-buy the boat.
Can't.
Tyler's still giving out bonuses.
All right, let's see if Linda Banks
was naughty or nice this year.
- That's just wrong. - I know.
He makes all of us come here on Christmas Eve,
just 'cause he doesn't have any family.
Neither do we, now they all canceled.
Hey. We have two little girls at my sister's house, you know.
- Unless you want to leave them there. - No.
- You know what I want? - Hmm?
I want it to go back to the way it was before.
Before I went and stirred everything up.
Found William and opened the door to everybody's drama.
And bought a boat.
I will go un-buy the boat.
- Thank you. - Okay.
I'm gonna go find Andy Fannin right now.
Just don't complain to me when you want to hop over to Bermuda.
- I will not. - Don't.
- I will not do that. - Thank you very much.
Hey, you know what? The hell with it.
Ho, ho, ho, everyone.
It's gonna be a very green Christmas.
Wow.
Andy, hey.
Randall!
What is up?
Uh...
What are you doing out here, man?
Just taking a break, man, smoking.
Oh. Didn't know you smoked.
Yeah, I just, I just, I just picked it up.
Where are your cigarettes?
Yeah, I forgot them.
Ah.
Everything okay, man?
Everything's good.
- Good. - Yeah.
Uh, I just wanted to talk to you about the boat,
but I'm not really a fan of heights.
Is it okay if we go inside?
Why don't you just stay right there.
Okay. That's no problem.
Just be cool, all right? I am cool. You be cool.
No, I'm cool. We're both cool.
What's going on, man?
You, uh, you were here, uh, last Christmas?
Yeah. I had to be, right?
You remember Tina?
That red dress?
From Payables? Yeah.
Yeah, that was, that was a hell of a dress.
Was it just the one time?
Been most of the year.
Okay.
So, uh, things were bad at home.
No, they were good.
Catherine was good, always there.
So I worked and she...
she took care of me...
and our family, our lives, and, uh...
at some point, she just went from, uh, uh, a wife
to a teammate.
And you don't have sex with your teammate.
You have sex with...
with Tina from Payables.
Hey, listen to me, Andy.
You had an affair.
You don't get it.
Well, th-then help me out.
Catherine's done.
Well, yeah, right now she's pissed at you.
Randall, she filed.
She-- it's broken. I broke it.
For no reason.
My wife, my best friend, is gone.
My kid, gone. My career, gone.
And I'm dealing with it all by myself.
What do you mean your career's gone?
It's increments, man.
I found myself making crazy trades, taking huge risks.
I lost a lot of money.
What's a lot?
A lot. Mine and other people's.
- Does Tyler know? - He will.
That's why I had to come here to get the-the bonus, because...
at least they'll have that.
That's why you sold me the boat.
Do not back out on me. I won't.
- They need it. - I'm not backing out, Andy.
It wasn't till I was in the elevator
I decided to do it here.
It was just all the floors going up,
and I, and I thought...
"Yeah. This'll do the job."
Hey, man, don't talk like that.
No. I wasn't scared, Randall.
Then I thought about the motel room I got to go back to,
and it scared the hell out of me.
Decision made. Andy, stop, stop.
Look, right now, you're just upset.
Do I look upset?
I'm clear. I'm clear as a bell.
'Cause while I was here,
building nothing, Catherine built our life.
Our family, our friends.
And they all went with her.
I'm your friend.
Where do I live?
Andy, I don't know where you live.
Then shut up.
You want my watch? It was my dad's.
Good God, man, you made a mistake.
And I know what it's like to think
that you're not allowed to, but you don't get to just quit.
- Oh, you don't get it, man! - What, Andy? What don't I get?
You don't live in my world, okay?!
- Your life's perfect! - What do you...
You have no idea.
What are you talking about, Andy? You don't know.
You don't have a monopoly on pain, man.
My father left me at a fire station the day I was born.
He just took off.
But this year, Andy, this year I found him.
Okay?
It took me 36 years,
but I found him, and I forgave him.
And my mother...
She did some things, too.
But she's still in my life and she's facing it,
just like he did,
because there's always a chance that things will get better.
And your daughter-- what's her name?
Chloe.
If you love Chloe hard, she will love you back.
That's the way kids work.
And she will forgive you, Andy.
But not if she can't.
Like, if you make this the story...
make this the night before Christmas when her daddy
spread himself all over Second Avenue, then no.
Right?
It is your job, as her father, to stay here until she is ready.
And if you can't do that, Andy...
Chloe will forgive you.
I know she will.
Hey, Randall, you ready?
Hey, Beth, stop. Don't come out.
Don't tell me to stop. What? You came...
Pl-Please, not now! I'm just hav...
We're talking... Andy, no!
No, no, no, no!
Randall, what the hell is going on?
Did you...
try to give him back the boat, or...
No.
Then why did you come out here?
Because nothing bad happens on Christmas Eve.
Let's go get our girls. Come on.
All right, little mamas. Jammies on real quick
so Dad can read The Night Before Christmas, okay?
You okay?
Yeah.
It's been a big night.
A nice, quiet Christmas, just the four of us--
that's all I want this year.
Mm.
You think we overdid it?
Always.
Knock, knock.
Ho, ho, ho.
Hey. Hey.
Thought you couldn't make it.
Uh, yeah, we finished early, so...
Hi. Beth, this is Sloane.
Nice to meet you.
- Sloane, let me take your coat. - Oh, thanks.
- Sloane. - Thank you.
Yeah.
- And Sloane is? - Jewish.
Yeah, I mean is she...
Oh, no. Um, uh, she's the playwright.
Uh-huh?
Yeah, she told her mom that we were dating,
so I had to do Hanukkah, and I thought it would be weird
if, uh, when I left, I didn't bring her, so...
Yeah, now it's not weird at all.
- Maybe some wine will help that. - Probably.
- Yeah. Yup. - All right. Thank you.
- Hey. - Merry Christmas.
- You made it, too. - Yes.
Now, that is a beautiful tree. What is that?
Is that a Douglas fir?
- We went artificial this year, but... - Thank you.
...a Doug fir, that's a classic.
I hope it's okay we still came.
Of course it is.
Hi.
Hey.
Mom... Let me take your coat.
- Sure, thank you. - Sure.
Grandma!
Hi.
Oh, Merry Christmas. I missed you guys.
I think Grandpa might have a few gifts
for you guys to open tonight, if you're lucky.
Merry Christmas. Come here.
You, too. Hi.
Let me take these from you.
Sloane?
This isn't a thing.
- Hey, it's Santa! - No, baby, that's not Santa.
Santa doesn't come until you fall asleep.
Sure looks like Santa.
Hey, Merry Christmas!
You must be Tess. Here, those are for you and your sister.
There you go. Randall?
Yeah. Yeah. Hey.
Hey. Toby. How are you?
- Oh, my God. - Good to see you. Merry Christmas.
Merry... Merry Christmas.
- Is this okay? - Yup. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, h... uh, hi.
- Hi. - Toby.
Merry Christmas.
Wow, that is a nice tree.
- It's Doug fir. - Yeah?
Are you, are you really here?
Well, I just spent six hours
in a middle seat on something called Zoom Airlines,
so I am as surprised as you are.
Kate, I am here to take the first steps
in overcoming our insanity one last time,
for both of us.
Because it's Christmas.
And because we're good together.
I'm back on the diet.
Not for you, for me.
But also for you, so that you'll be with me.
I can live without pizza and cookies
and potato chips and...
whatever that brownie thing was
that they were serving on the plane.
The one thing I cannot live without...
is you.
Six hours in a middle seat gives a guy plenty of time
to prepare an entrance.
Wise man, wise man, wise man. Uh...
- cousin, maybe? - I don't know.
And then, uh, the donkey talks.
Or the... I might have that confused
with a cartoon, actually.
Yeah, you're better with a script.
Yeah.
- Hey, everybody, Merry Christmas. - Hey!
William!
I... I brought a friend.
- I hope it's cool. - Oh, absolutely.
Hey, I'm Randall.
- Uh, Jessie. - Nice to meet you, Jessie.
Hey, make yourself at home.
I'll be right with you guys.
Yeah.
In my row on the plane, I was the little guy.
Every part of my body aches like death right now.
Do you want to have sex?
And I'm cured. You're a witch.
- Yeah? - Yup.
Okay.
How's that quiet Christmas coming?
- There you go. - Hey, did...
did William ever mention a Jessie?
Uh, not to me.
I don't know who that is.
I think it's like Roy at school.
Who's Roy?
The one with two dads.
What do you mean two dads? I don't...
Dad, Grandpa's gay.
Or at least bi.
What's that now?
Oh...
Oh, hi.
Hey.
Just giving Toby a tour of your beautiful home.
Must've been a long one, the way he's breathing.
Yeah, the... the architecture is, uh,
is breathtaking.
Oh, thank you.
Your shirt's buttoned wrong.
Oh. Okay.
Mistletoe.
And look at Randall.
Oh, no, no, no, we don't want to see that.
Oh, come on!
Oh!
Come on, now!
Oh.
You guys know that name of all of Santa's reindeer?
You don't?
Does Grandma know?
There's Dasher,
- Prancer, Vixen... - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
One, two, three!
Merry Christmas.
The O.R. is prepped. We're taking him to surgery now.
Oh, my God.
Randall!
Call 911!
Be careful, be careful.
Toby?
Well, I'll be darned.
Hi.
Clear.
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