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00:00:01,628 --> 00:00:03,097
MAX: Previously on 2 Broke Girls...
2
00:00:03,098 --> 00:00:05,929
The hurricane is headed
right for Williamsburg.
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00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:08,097
Fedoras are blowing down the streets,
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00:00:08,098 --> 00:00:09,698
craft beers are spilling everywhere,
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00:00:09,699 --> 00:00:12,835
and indie bands are
cancelling practice.
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00:00:12,836 --> 00:00:16,438
(wind whistling)
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00:00:16,439 --> 00:00:18,407
This explains why Randy isn't here yet.
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00:00:18,408 --> 00:00:20,275
He's probably stuck in the store.
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00:00:20,276 --> 00:00:23,278
He's not answering and it's
going straight to voicemail.
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00:00:23,279 --> 00:00:25,214
He probably blocked you.
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00:00:25,215 --> 00:00:27,783
We're really broken up.
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00:00:27,784 --> 00:00:29,184
Let's go hug our dessert bar.
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It was probably so scared.
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Oh, my God, Max.
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Our dessert bar is destroyed.
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I think we have to finally
admit it to ourselves.
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Ugh, we're cursed.
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(water drips)
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Yeah, this is personal.
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00:00:44,767 --> 00:00:47,936
Come on, when that gypsy
pointed at me in first grade
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00:00:47,937 --> 00:00:50,806
and said, "Biggus Boobus,"
that was a curse.
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I'm sure we weren't the only business
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that was ruined by the storm.
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We're not cursed.
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00:00:55,778 --> 00:00:56,979
(water drips)
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Yeah, now it's starting to burn.
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00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:04,253
Well, I am choosing to take
this disaster as a sign.
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00:01:04,254 --> 00:01:06,655
It's not like we don't have insurance.
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00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:08,423
And while they're
rebuilding this place,
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I'm gonna go surprise Randy
and try to rebuild us.
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You see the parallels?
32
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You get it. She gets it.
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Girls, did you hear?
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Turns out only one business
in the entire area
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was affected by the storm.
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I wonder which one...
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00:01:24,641 --> 00:01:27,209
Oh.
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File this under
"Story For Another Time"?
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(rattling)
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(screams)
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Biggus Boobus!
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(rock music)
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Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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Ugh, I don't believe this!
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00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,484
All the airports are more shut down
46
00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,119
than I am emotionally.
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Earl, have you had any luck
with any busses or trains?
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I'm on it.
49
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:07,160
What button do I push for the Internet?
50
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,895
I just talked to the insurance company.
51
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They're gonna pay for all our repairs.
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And they gave me some extra money
53
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,234
'cause I told them we were pregnant.
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Can we please focus on how
I'm gonna get to L.A.?
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I have low self-esteem
and a well-viewed sex tape.
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I should be there already!
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00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,177
Max, I'm gonna try
to put this delicately.
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You're acting like
a cray-cray psycho stalker.
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00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,082
I am not a stalker.
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00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,550
I'm the one that gets stalked.
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00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,385
That reminds me,
I should probably tell Gary
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I'm going out of town.
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Oh, he knows.
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He left a bon voyage dookie
on our welcome mat this morning.
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But the card was sweet.
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Well, then as your best friend,
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I am going with you
to make sure you're okay.
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00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,333
You know, Randy did give me
an airline voucher
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00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,369
when I ruined our relationship
the first time.
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00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,037
I could probably get
two tickets for that,
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00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,172
so I could put my feet up.
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Or I guess you could come.
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00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,844
If I'm the wing-lady
on your stalking mission,
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I'm gonna go ahead
and call this a vacation.
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Wow, that's sad.
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00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:04,951
All right, I'm almost on the Internet.
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Does anybody know my password?
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It's "Earl."
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Oh, right, my first dog's name.
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Hey, everybody!
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I just got in a fight
with one of Barbara's friends
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in the IKEA ball pit.
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Yeah, if you're gonna
bring meatballs in there,
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you gotta bring some for everybody.
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Yeah, there's never enough
meatballs in a ball pit.
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00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,913
Earl, how we doing on our trip to L.A.?
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00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,882
Well, the rental cars are rented out,
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trains are down,
and no flights till Tuesday.
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And I got a message from emoji.
Who's emoji?
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Hey, why don't you two
just road trip it?
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00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,761
You know, throw a cooler of beer
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with pulled pork in the trunk
and just go, baby.
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00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,667
I would do the same if I didn't have
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that giant breastfeeding baby.
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I'm talking about Oleg.
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00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,242
May I suggest
the Toyota Yaris I sold to Han?
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It's efficient on gas,
98
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,647
and the trunk can't
be unlocked from the inside.
99
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,183
Oh, no! You're not taking my car.
100
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:12,352
It's my turn to drive my quilting group
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to the farmers' market.
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Han, we can do this the hard way
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where you don't give me the keys
and I give you a wedgie,
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or the easy way where
you do give me the keys
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and I give you a slightly
less intense wedgie.
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The keys are in my office,
but you're not...
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Oh, dear, I've said too much.
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Who do you see winning this one?
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And you should know,
Max keeps a pocket full of sand
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for these kinda things.
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Jingle-jangle, bitches!
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You should be fired for
what happened back there.
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Bathing suit areas are off limits.
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Fine, use my car,
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but I'm going to be driving it.
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I'm coming with you.
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I finally got the gas pedal
extension where I like it.
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But who's gonna run the diner?
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FYI, I managed a pretty
successful jerk shack for years.
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Ew, Oleg.
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What? Get your mind out of the gutter.
122
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We sold Jamaican-style chicken.
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As a front for full-release massages.
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Y'all, what was
my first dog's name again?
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- Earl.
- What?
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I guess my only options here
are Oleg and Earl.
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Woof, real Murderers' Row.
128
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Who are you gonna have waitress?
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'Cause you know they'll have to match
130
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the extremely low bar
set by my associate and myself.
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Ohh!
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Oh, can I do it?
133
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Oh, who am I kidding?
134
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Or course I can!
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I actually used to be
a waitress at Pooters.
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You mean Hooters?
137
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No, it was Poland's version.
138
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Yeah, all the waitresses
were bottomless.
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I'm hoping there were
a lot of hairnets involved.
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Oh, you'd think so.
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00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,356
Han, I'd say you drive
like a little old lady,
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but three of them just passed us.
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I had more fun driving
my bitchy friend Neil
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00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,931
to get his blisters drained.
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00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,599
Also, what's the strategy here?
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We've been driving for hours.
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Well, once we find an open airport,
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we'll fly to L.A.,
where Max will surprise Randy,
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00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,241
and she'll be all, "Ahhh,"
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00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,511
and he'll be all, "Ahhh."
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00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:21,581
First of all, great Randy impression.
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I almost gave you a little "Wahhh""
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You girls have less of a game plan
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than any season of
American Horror Story.
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Well, who really needs
a game plan anyway?
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I'm on vacation, baby.
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See? Didn't even tear up that time.
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What's with these snacks?
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Vegetables?
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Are you on that bunny diet again?
161
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,371
No, I gained weight on that somehow.
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Han, there's a lot
of Goo Goo Dolls here.
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GGD-Live Goo. Wow.
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I'm taking music criticism
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from a proud member
of the Juggalo nation?
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Hand me a radish.
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00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:04,957
I mean, how long are you
supposed to chew a radish?
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Forever?
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00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,295
Can I interest anyone in a side trip
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00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,630
to Pine Creek Gorge?
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If you love the Grand Canyon,
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you'll think Pine Creek Gorge
is pretty good.
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Oh, my seasonal gourd.
174
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:22,975
Look at Randy's Snapchat story.
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This movie's got such a large budget,
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00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,228
they even got the lawyer
is own trailer.
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00:07:26,229 --> 00:07:28,047
Oh! Scratch that.
178
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:32,218
I'm sharing it with
a very large scorpion.
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(gasps)
180
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,087
You're jealous of a scorpion now?
181
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,222
That's where we're at?
182
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,657
No!
183
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,892
There's a finger on Randy's shoulder.
184
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,460
A woman's finger.
185
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,362
Manicured nail, no wedding ring.
186
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,064
How dare she?
187
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,867
Yea nor nay on Pine Creek Gorge?
188
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The exit's in three miles,
189
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and I should start changing lanes.
190
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,506
So that's a maybe?
191
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,841
I gotta finger this out!
192
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:58,644
Ugh, why can't you zoom in on a video?
193
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,246
I know we have the technology.
194
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,814
It was used against me
195
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,551
in the case of Bass Pro Shops
versus Max Black.
196
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,187
Ugh, I think there's a pit in my fig.
197
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,555
That's a prune,
198
00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:11,157
and I'd pace yourself.
199
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,859
Caroline, could you
call the diner and check in?
200
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,962
I've been getting the machine all day,
201
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,864
and I gotta make sure Oleg
isn't shooting a porno there.
202
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,232
Oh, he didn't get the funding.
203
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,867
His Kinkstarter campaign fizzled out.
204
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,773
There, the phone is unplugged.
205
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:31,077
Good luck calling
the police now, table two.
206
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,245
Wow, you unplugged that phone
207
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,781
faster than we unplugged
my Aunt Esther.
208
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,618
She was a mean lady.
209
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:42,288
Sophie, ready to re-enter
the workforce?
210
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,024
I'm ready.
211
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:48,894
The question is, are you ready?
212
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:52,898
And the answer is no, I am not.
213
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,067
Hey, everybody!
214
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,637
Can I take your order?
215
00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,873
Miss, sparkling or still?
216
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:05,076
How's everything tasting?
217
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,417
♪ Mmmbop, Ba duba dop ♪
218
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,086
♪ Ba Du bop, Ba duba ♪
219
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,423
♪ Ba dup bop, Ba Du, yeah ♪
220
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,759
♪ Mmmbop, Ba ♪
221
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,761
I wish you guys would win American Idol
222
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,130
so I'd never have
to hear from you ever again.
223
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,298
Oh, come on, Max. Listen up.
224
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,101
What's a road trip
without a sing-along?
225
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,936
I don't know, tolerable.
226
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:34,040
Now let's talk about something
everyone's interested in.
227
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,008
I screen-grabbed Randy's video,
228
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,410
which enabled me to zoom in.
229
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,178
And upon zooming, I realized that...
230
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,846
You're going crazy?
231
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:44,083
Max, seriously,
maybe we should go back home.
232
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,551
Randy blocked you.
233
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:47,520
You have to expect
there might be a new finger
234
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:48,688
in his life.
235
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,456
I am not going crazy.
236
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,425
I'm merely scouring the World Wide Web
237
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,794
for female friends of Randy
who are tagged in a photo of him
238
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,295
with their index fingers cropped out.
239
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,064
That way I can piece
the two photos together
240
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,932
jigsaw style
to get the answers I deserve,
241
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,668
and oh, my God,
I think I'm having a breakdown.
242
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:04,403
She's not the only one.
243
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,440
(gears grinding)
244
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,841
Please tell me that was
Caroline's prunes kicking in.
245
00:10:18,627 --> 00:10:21,029
I can't believe we're broken
down in the middle of nowhere.
246
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:24,901
Amanda Knox had
a better vacation than this.
247
00:10:24,902 --> 00:10:27,571
We have to start walking.
Leave that suitcase here.
248
00:10:27,572 --> 00:10:28,838
What did you pack in there,
249
00:10:28,839 --> 00:10:31,207
one of your long-winded anecdotes?
250
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:32,475
Funny story actually.
251
00:10:32,476 --> 00:10:34,077
I was going through my sweaters,
252
00:10:34,078 --> 00:10:35,979
and I realized that when I was 14...
253
00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:38,181
Hold that thought forever.
254
00:10:38,182 --> 00:10:42,218
Now you wanna find a finger,
you gotta use a finger.
255
00:10:42,219 --> 00:10:44,854
(gasps) Max, no! We can't hitchhike.
256
00:10:44,855 --> 00:10:46,856
What if some psycho picks us up?
257
00:10:46,857 --> 00:10:50,393
Really, who wouldn't
want to wear this skin?
258
00:10:50,394 --> 00:10:53,229
I think the problem
is the transmission.
259
00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:55,699
There is none.
260
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:59,269
I hitchhiked all the time in school.
261
00:10:59,270 --> 00:11:00,971
Nothing bad ever happened.
262
00:11:00,972 --> 00:11:03,440
I did spend a year locked
in a guy's shed once,
263
00:11:03,441 --> 00:11:04,874
but that was mutual.
264
00:11:04,875 --> 00:11:07,544
I'll tell you what I told my prom date,
265
00:11:07,545 --> 00:11:09,079
put that finger away.
266
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,081
I thought your prom date was gay.
267
00:11:11,082 --> 00:11:14,717
He was. He was doing a lot of this.
268
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,228
Oh, good, tinted windows
269
00:11:25,229 --> 00:11:28,531
for a more private
murdering experience.
270
00:11:28,532 --> 00:11:31,735
Um, this thing is smoking
more than my grandma
271
00:11:31,736 --> 00:11:34,371
at the Bingo finals.
272
00:11:34,372 --> 00:11:36,339
You girls stuck?
273
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:39,409
I think "stagnant" is
a better word for us.
274
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:43,279
Name's Becky. With the good hair.
275
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,314
(laughs)
276
00:11:44,315 --> 00:11:45,782
Y'all need a ride?
277
00:11:45,783 --> 00:11:49,019
Thanks. We're going west, Fievel style.
278
00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:51,788
If you could take us somewhere
with outgoing flights.
279
00:11:51,789 --> 00:11:53,256
I can drive if you want.
280
00:11:53,257 --> 00:11:56,059
I used to do it for
a Colombian drug lor...
281
00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:57,761
Frito-Lay.
282
00:11:57,762 --> 00:11:59,763
I can get you all the way to Missouri,
283
00:11:59,764 --> 00:12:01,931
home to street violence
and a large percentage
284
00:12:01,932 --> 00:12:04,701
of America's OxyContin epidemic.
285
00:12:04,702 --> 00:12:08,271
Great, and, Max,
at least you'll know people.
286
00:12:08,272 --> 00:12:12,042
Oh, good, we got a ride,
'cause that car is deader
287
00:12:12,043 --> 00:12:13,443
than the conversation
288
00:12:13,444 --> 00:12:15,645
at the Jolie-Pitt
Thanksgiving this year.
289
00:12:15,646 --> 00:12:18,114
Oh, sorry, you girls can come,
290
00:12:18,115 --> 00:12:20,583
but I don't let strange men
into my cab.
291
00:12:20,584 --> 00:12:23,453
Oh, I can vouch for Han.
He's not a man.
292
00:12:23,454 --> 00:12:26,022
It's okay, girls. Go ahead without me.
293
00:12:26,023 --> 00:12:27,757
I'll just call AAA.
294
00:12:27,758 --> 00:12:30,025
Cool. Later, hater.
295
00:12:31,227 --> 00:12:32,295
Wait!
296
00:12:32,296 --> 00:12:33,830
You're really leaving?
297
00:12:33,831 --> 00:12:35,932
Who leaves someone
on the side of the road
298
00:12:35,933 --> 00:12:38,401
- in the middle of nowhere?
- (horn honks)
299
00:12:38,402 --> 00:12:40,536
You're not people!
300
00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:47,811
Excuse me, Miss?
301
00:12:47,812 --> 00:12:50,747
Oh, not you again.
302
00:12:50,748 --> 00:12:53,116
Listen, don't eat this.
303
00:12:53,117 --> 00:12:57,353
I ordered a steak,
and this is a dirty washcloth.
304
00:12:57,354 --> 00:12:59,154
You want me to heat it up?
305
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,992
I mean, why am I
always getting you stuff?
306
00:13:02,993 --> 00:13:05,628
How come you're not scratching my back?
307
00:13:05,629 --> 00:13:07,931
(laughs)
308
00:13:07,932 --> 00:13:10,066
See how I told him off?
309
00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:12,836
You know, just like
Max does, right girl?
310
00:13:12,837 --> 00:13:15,405
Why are you calling me girl?
311
00:13:15,406 --> 00:13:16,740
I'm calling you a woman.
312
00:13:16,741 --> 00:13:18,942
You like, like the girls do with Han,
313
00:13:18,943 --> 00:13:20,877
only he takes it.
314
00:13:20,878 --> 00:13:23,713
I mean, I wasn't expecting all this.
315
00:13:23,714 --> 00:13:24,881
Well, neither was I.
316
00:13:24,882 --> 00:13:27,015
This is supposed to be my nap time.
317
00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:30,353
This is my vacation.
318
00:13:30,354 --> 00:13:32,622
That's how bad my real life is.
319
00:13:32,623 --> 00:13:34,591
And I'm trying to get back with my ex.
320
00:13:34,592 --> 00:13:37,193
He blocked me on his phone,
and I am one diaper away
321
00:13:37,194 --> 00:13:40,263
from being that crazy lady astronaut.
322
00:13:40,264 --> 00:13:42,799
I never had the courage
of putting myself out there.
323
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,968
I mean, romantically speaking.
324
00:13:44,969 --> 00:13:47,870
I was on the Seal Team
that killed Bin Laden.
325
00:13:49,405 --> 00:13:50,540
I don't know.
326
00:13:50,541 --> 00:13:52,008
I may look tough on the outside,
327
00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:54,177
but underneath it all
is a scared little girl
328
00:13:54,178 --> 00:13:56,546
and a lot of homemade tattoos.
329
00:13:56,547 --> 00:13:59,449
Well, you clearly have good judgment.
330
00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:01,785
Take a look at this video
and tell me if this finger
331
00:14:01,786 --> 00:14:03,653
looks like it's been
in my boyfriend's mouth.
332
00:14:03,654 --> 00:14:05,488
Hold on, let me grab my glasses!
333
00:14:05,489 --> 00:14:07,657
Whoa, Becks! You wanna pick a lane?
334
00:14:07,658 --> 00:14:09,559
We're currently in all three.
335
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,427
Don't distract her from the video.
336
00:14:11,428 --> 00:14:12,529
Hey...
337
00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:15,064
Oh, like this.
338
00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:18,101
Enough talking.
Show us your ass, white boy.
339
00:14:18,102 --> 00:14:20,170
(blares horn)
340
00:14:20,171 --> 00:14:21,738
So sorry.
341
00:14:21,739 --> 00:14:23,740
I didn't know the horn
would be so loud,
342
00:14:23,741 --> 00:14:25,575
but could you scooch?
343
00:14:25,576 --> 00:14:27,343
Ooh, I wasn't driving?
344
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:31,681
Man, being a Seal
really messed with my head.
345
00:14:31,682 --> 00:14:33,783
I don't know why I didn't
think of this before,
346
00:14:33,784 --> 00:14:36,786
but my friend, Sloppy Joe,
has a one-engine plane.
347
00:14:36,787 --> 00:14:39,222
He might be able to fly y'all
all the way to L.A.
348
00:14:39,223 --> 00:14:40,857
I'm sorry, what?
349
00:14:40,858 --> 00:14:44,694
A messy sandwich
is gonna fly us to L.A.?
350
00:14:44,695 --> 00:14:46,896
Okay.
351
00:14:46,897 --> 00:14:48,298
Sloppy was an old high school crush
352
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,799
I never had the guts to go for.
353
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,401
Man was a legend there.
354
00:14:51,402 --> 00:14:53,503
He was a senior for nine years.
355
00:14:53,504 --> 00:14:55,672
Thanks, Becky With the Good Hair.
356
00:14:55,673 --> 00:14:57,707
And you'll find someone, I'm sure.
357
00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,242
You just gotta go for it.
358
00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:01,511
That's what she keeps telling me.
359
00:15:01,512 --> 00:15:03,078
I know, but she will.
360
00:15:12,984 --> 00:15:15,553
I don't think we've
formally met, Sloppy Joe.
361
00:15:15,554 --> 00:15:17,321
I'm Caroline Channing.
362
00:15:17,322 --> 00:15:19,790
They'll be reporting
our deaths together.
363
00:15:19,791 --> 00:15:22,059
You're on your own there.
364
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:25,596
They reported mine five years ago.
365
00:15:25,597 --> 00:15:28,900
We're on a ghost plane? Awesome!
366
00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:32,170
Just curious, will there
be a beverage service?
367
00:15:32,171 --> 00:15:34,071
You want some of my beer?
368
00:15:34,072 --> 00:15:36,541
That's all right, you already
spilled most of it on me.
369
00:15:36,542 --> 00:15:39,110
I bet that's why they call him sloppy.
370
00:15:39,111 --> 00:15:41,646
Nope, my landings are a mess.
371
00:15:41,647 --> 00:15:45,283
Caroline, look at the bright side.
372
00:15:45,284 --> 00:15:47,185
How? None of the lights work.
373
00:15:47,186 --> 00:15:48,719
We're on our way to L.A.,
374
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,622
and sloppy took Randy's
voucher as payment.
375
00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,091
And then rolled
a nice, fat joint with it.
376
00:15:54,092 --> 00:15:56,294
You bet I did.
377
00:15:56,295 --> 00:15:58,930
- Whoa!
- Ride the lightning!
378
00:15:58,931 --> 00:16:00,865
Yee-haw! Do it back.
379
00:16:00,866 --> 00:16:03,935
Let me hear you say, "Yee-haw!"
380
00:16:03,936 --> 00:16:06,569
BOTH: Yee-hawwww!
381
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,682
I'm just glad you found me.
382
00:16:17,683 --> 00:16:19,684
I was about to build
a hut for the night.
383
00:16:19,685 --> 00:16:22,053
I thought you said you didn't
pick up strange men.
384
00:16:22,054 --> 00:16:23,654
I didn't.
385
00:16:23,655 --> 00:16:27,590
Until a new friend convinced me
I gotta take a chance.
386
00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:32,663
How fast can this old rig go?
387
00:16:32,664 --> 00:16:36,567
This old rig can go all night, baby.
388
00:16:36,568 --> 00:16:40,037
Doesn't answer my question at all,
389
00:16:40,038 --> 00:16:43,039
but let's do the damn thing.
390
00:16:52,116 --> 00:16:54,459
This flight's a lot bumpier
than I thought it was gonna be.
391
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,953
Speaking of bumps,
392
00:16:55,954 --> 00:16:58,589
y'all don't have any blow, do you?
393
00:16:58,590 --> 00:17:00,424
Yeah, that's what this flight needs,
394
00:17:00,425 --> 00:17:02,660
a more jittery pilot.
395
00:17:02,661 --> 00:17:04,095
- Wow.
- Oh!
396
00:17:04,096 --> 00:17:05,863
Randy just posted a new video.
397
00:17:05,864 --> 00:17:07,999
Eh, buffer faster!
398
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,934
Ugh, do you get any bars up here?
399
00:17:09,935 --> 00:17:13,137
If I did, I wouldn't be
asking you for cocaine.
400
00:17:13,138 --> 00:17:14,505
(screams)
401
00:17:14,506 --> 00:17:16,874
Never mind, don't need it.
402
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:18,643
We're going down.
403
00:17:18,644 --> 00:17:21,345
Going down?
My least favorite expression.
404
00:17:21,346 --> 00:17:23,581
And now I hate it even more.
405
00:17:23,582 --> 00:17:25,616
At least in this version of going down
406
00:17:25,617 --> 00:17:28,986
you don't have to spoon afterwards.
407
00:17:28,987 --> 00:17:30,454
- Oh, my God!
- Ah!
408
00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:32,456
Caroline, amazing news.
409
00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:33,924
You found parachutes?
410
00:17:33,925 --> 00:17:36,127
Or that part of the wing
that tore away?
411
00:17:36,128 --> 00:17:37,862
Ha, oh, no, we're goners.
412
00:17:37,863 --> 00:17:40,531
But Silver Linings Playbook,
413
00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:43,768
that finger belonged to Randy's mom!
414
00:17:43,769 --> 00:17:45,403
She's visiting him on set.
415
00:17:45,404 --> 00:17:47,705
Ah, and she's not even that cute.
416
00:17:47,706 --> 00:17:50,641
I am gonna be so mad at you in heaven.
417
00:17:50,642 --> 00:17:52,376
You think I'm going to heaven?
418
00:17:52,377 --> 00:17:54,645
(chuckles)
She thinks I'm going to heaven.
419
00:17:54,646 --> 00:17:56,814
(both laugh)
420
00:17:56,815 --> 00:18:00,351
Plane's too heavy.
We gotta drop some weight.
421
00:18:00,352 --> 00:18:04,155
I knew those curly fries at
the truck stop were a mistake,
422
00:18:04,156 --> 00:18:06,857
but they didn't offer
a healthy alternative.
423
00:18:06,858 --> 00:18:09,160
- Hold this.
- What? Ohh!
424
00:18:09,161 --> 00:18:12,697
Hey, Sloppy, the sky is that way!
425
00:18:12,698 --> 00:18:16,000
I like this, too.
426
00:18:16,001 --> 00:18:18,936
This suitcase has gotta go.
427
00:18:18,937 --> 00:18:20,371
No, all my clothes are in there.
428
00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:22,340
All of our money! Our credit card!
429
00:18:22,341 --> 00:18:24,408
There is no way that
that one tiny suitcase
430
00:18:24,409 --> 00:18:27,143
is causing all these problems
with your plane.
431
00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:37,822
Very well, perhaps I overpacked.
432
00:18:37,823 --> 00:18:40,623
Beer me.
433
00:18:43,961 --> 00:18:45,796
- (bell dings)
- Pick up!
434
00:18:45,797 --> 00:18:49,266
Unless that's a huge problem for you.
435
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,568
That's it.
436
00:18:50,569 --> 00:18:52,703
I'm gonna tell you the same thing
437
00:18:52,704 --> 00:18:54,505
that I told Pooters
438
00:18:54,506 --> 00:18:58,976
when they added pants to the uniform.
439
00:18:58,977 --> 00:19:01,212
I quit.
440
00:19:01,213 --> 00:19:02,613
You quit?
441
00:19:02,614 --> 00:19:04,782
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
442
00:19:04,783 --> 00:19:06,817
You're fired.
443
00:19:06,818 --> 00:19:08,686
Oh, yeah?
444
00:19:08,687 --> 00:19:11,288
Yeah!
445
00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:14,491
Have I been a bad waitress?
446
00:19:16,994 --> 00:19:19,796
The naughtiest.
447
00:19:22,733 --> 00:19:26,203
Uh, they're not gonna have sex
in a restaurant, are they?
448
00:19:26,204 --> 00:19:28,672
Well, it wouldn't be the first time.
449
00:19:28,673 --> 00:19:32,876
Hell, it wouldn't be the eighth time.
450
00:19:33,611 --> 00:19:36,080
Pick up, Oleg.
451
00:19:36,081 --> 00:19:38,948
Oh, yeah, man. This is happening.
452
00:19:40,818 --> 00:19:44,588
And that's when I married
my high school sweetheart.
453
00:19:44,589 --> 00:19:47,458
Well, she was in high school. I was 38.
454
00:19:47,459 --> 00:19:49,794
Another terrific story, Sloppy.
455
00:19:49,795 --> 00:19:51,962
Almost makes me forget
we have no money,
456
00:19:51,963 --> 00:19:55,065
no clothes, and we're getting
zero mileage for this flight.
457
00:19:55,066 --> 00:19:57,101
Silver Linings Playbook, though.
458
00:19:57,102 --> 00:19:58,536
Little Randy update.
459
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:00,404
Max, I don't care how expensive it is.
460
00:20:00,405 --> 00:20:03,507
You are going to therapy
when we get back.
461
00:20:03,508 --> 00:20:05,371
Well, that's a wrap on
the first day of filming
462
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,510
here in Austin, Texas.
463
00:20:06,511 --> 00:20:07,871
Or as they say around these parts,
464
00:20:07,895 --> 00:20:09,246
don't Tess with Mexas.
465
00:20:09,247 --> 00:20:10,514
Whoa.
466
00:20:10,515 --> 00:20:14,618
Don't drink on a scorpion bite.
467
00:20:14,619 --> 00:20:17,488
The man ain't wrong.
468
00:20:17,489 --> 00:20:19,223
Wait, so Randy's not in Los Angeles?
469
00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:20,758
He's in Texas.
470
00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:23,727
Wow, you're a bad stalker, Max.
471
00:20:23,728 --> 00:20:25,729
Sloppy, hang a Ralph or a Louie.
472
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,565
Whatever gets us to Texas.
473
00:20:27,566 --> 00:20:29,733
Eh, there's two things
that Slop won't do.
474
00:20:29,734 --> 00:20:32,269
Alert the proper authorities
of my flight pattern
475
00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:35,272
or step foot in Texas.
476
00:20:35,273 --> 00:20:37,074
You need to make your own way there.
477
00:20:37,075 --> 00:20:40,678
I'll drop you here.
I gotta whiz anyway.
478
00:20:40,679 --> 00:20:42,813
Ah! Drop us here?
479
00:20:42,814 --> 00:20:45,716
Whiz? What does that mean?
480
00:20:45,717 --> 00:20:47,751
Uh, I think it means I'm jumping out
481
00:20:47,752 --> 00:20:50,387
of another plane this month.
482
00:20:50,388 --> 00:20:54,157
You know what? I miss the diner.
483
00:20:57,682 --> 00:21:05,037
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.