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Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
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Hello, Rita, my dear.
Couldn't see a thing on the way here.
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Can I rinse this out?
I've been washing the windows.
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- What, you and George Formby?
- Yes.
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- Haven't you finished yet, Veronica?
- I'm going as fast as I can, Mrs Moon.
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Well, you must be going at the speed of light
cos I ain't bleedin' seen you move.
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- Well, I was just having a little rest.
- Oh.
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I've only got this to do now.
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- In a hurry to get away, then, Mrs Moon?
- Well...
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Cos if you like,
I could lock up for you again tonight.
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- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
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I ain't exactly in an hurry
to get home, you know.
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Well, if you don't mind.
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I must say,
you've been working quite hard recently.
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You've been first in, last out
every day this week.
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- I don't know what's come over you.
- I just like to do my little bit, you know.
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That's good, Veronica. Very good.
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- It is partly my business after all, Mr Brandon.
- Indeed it is.
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Yeah, you ain't such a bad kid.
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- I think I've been a bit hard on you recently.
- Oh, that's all right.
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You've been a bit hard on everybody recently.
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Ain't she, Mr Brandon?
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- Out of the mouths of babes and innocents?
- Hm.
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What's this you were telling me
about the lawyer
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- you didn't want to talk about on the phone?
- Oh, I've had some bad news.
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Seems Harvey's lawyer says he can use
this business of our so-called adultery.
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But how?
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Well, he says all he's got to do is stand up
in court, say I've admitted adultery,
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- I'm gonna lose custody of Stanley.
- Oh, Rita, my dear, I'd no idea.
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- Neither did I. Listen, I'm not complaining.
- I'll simply tell them the truth.
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What, end up in nick? I'm not having that!
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Anyway, it's probably too late now.
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Took me all my time to convince them I did do it,
how will I convince them now I never?
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Well, I'll convince them.
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Look, my reputation as a scarlet woman
is at stake here.
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Anyway, wouldn't be so bad if I did do it.
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But I never.
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I haven't been so chaste for months.
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Who's been chasing you, Mrs Moon?
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No one, Veronica. That's the point.
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Oh, well, never mind, eh?
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I'm sure someone would
if they knew that's what you wanted.
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- You turn the key twice.
- Twice.
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- OK, don't worry. Don't worry about a thing.
- How could I?
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- Bye.
- Good night, Veronica.
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Look, they are nice people, interesting people,
you will like them.
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- I'm sure. Tell me, is Harvey coming?
- I don't know.
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I've told him about it but
he said he wasn't sure.
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Actually, I don't think he's so very keen.
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Well, I'm not so very keen either,
but I don't get a choice.
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Erich, these people are my friends.
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They have entertained me many times.
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Oh, I would really like you to enjoy
this evening, but with this attitude...
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- All right, all right, I'll do my best to enjoy it.
- Good.
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I'll bring a book.
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Ahh!
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I had a word with the lawyer again today.
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He says we've got a watertight case,
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and he reckons we should press on
with the divorce quick as we can.
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- Ain't no way Rita can get out of it this time.
- You sound a bit pleased with yourself.
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I'd be dead chuffed if Stanley lived here.
It'd be good for the boy, better environment.
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He'd have you, it'd be a good influence on him.
Didn't do such a bad job with me, Mum.
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- Rita hasn't done such a bad job neither.
- Oh, come on, be fair!
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It ain't exactly your normal,
stable family background, is it?
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I mean, who knows? In the future,
he could have Frieda's influence, an' all.
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I thought she weren't too keen on
this stepmother idea.
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Well, she's keen on me. I thought I'd put
a bit of work in, you know, splash out.
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Take her away for a couple of days,
you know, talk things over,
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give her a chance to get used to the idea.
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Oh, you got anywhere in mind?
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- You promise you won't laugh?
- All right.
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When your mouth goes down at the corners,
it means you're gonna laugh.
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Mm-mm.
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Margate.
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In January? It'll be shut!
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Oh, do us a favour, Mum,
it's all I can afford.
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They've got more jellyfish there
than anywhere in Britain.
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- That's ridiculous. How do you know?
- Your dad got stung with one in 1923.
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We ain't going for a swim! Just gonna sit
and sort things out. She'll come round.
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- And what if she don't?
- I'll just have to use my charm on her.
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At least you'll have the beach all to yourself
in January.
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There won't be any problem with Frieda.
I know how to handle her.
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- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
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I think what she really needs is a family.
I mean, at least she likes Stanley.
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I'll get her round to my way of thinking.
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Well, son, I suppose you can always tell her
if she gives in and says yes,
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you'll let her come home on the Saturday.
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So what are you gonna be dancing
tonight, Leo?
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Waltz, foxtrot, quickstep.
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Mum ought to be good at that, the quickstep.
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- Who's seen my sequins?
- Not me.
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- You been messing with them?
- Oh, yeah.
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I've been secretly stitching them
on my football shirt.
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- Presumably to help you sparkle on the field.
- That ain't bad, Uncle Leo!
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That ain't bad at all.
'Ere, Mum, did you hear that one?
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Oh, come on, you two, give us an hand.
Leo, move.
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- You ain't half getting touchy!
- Well, you ain't seen nothing yet.
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- I think I know what your problem is.
- Oh, do you, Sherlock bleedin' Holmes?
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I know what the problem is.
Your father using this business of Leo
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to try and stop me getting custody of you.
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Though why I bother, I don't know.
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- No, that ain't it.
- Stanley, just look for the sequins.
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I've got 'em!
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Come on, what is it, then?
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- Mum, I can't say.
- Yes, you can, Mr Know All.
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You opened your mouth, you finish it.
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- I can't.
- Why?
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Because Uncle Leo's here.
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- So?
- Well, he ain't here enough, is he?
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Oh, Mum, I can't.
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Stanley, please feel free
to say whatever's on your mind.
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- Well, you know you like Mum?
- Yes.
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- And you like dancing.
- Yes.
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- And so does Mum.
- Yes.
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- And you go out with Mum.
- Mm-hm.
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- And you come round here a lot.
- Yes.
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- But you're not like all the others.
- Stanley.
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- What do you mean?
- Well, he's never here for breakfast.
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Stanley, you wash your mouth out
with soap and water!
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- Well, I don't get no breakfast either!
- Out!
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He's right, you know.
You ain't getting any and neither is he.
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Maggie!
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All right, all right, I'm going!
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Stanley, save me some of that soap!
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What are you laughing at?
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Oh, I'm saying nothing.
I hate the taste of soap and water.
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- Can I come in?
- Harvey!
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Are you looking forward to the party tonight?
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- Don't ask. Tell me, what can I do for you?
- Well...
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No, don't say it. I'm a mind reader.
131
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Something tells me
you want to speak to my sister alone.
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- Well...
- It's all right.
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I suddenly remembered I have
something urgent to do in the kitchen.
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How could I forget?
135
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Has he been taking funny pills?
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- Look, I wanted to ask you something.
- Yes, I wanted to talk to you as well.
137
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Ideal, then, innit? Look, don't laugh
138
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but I thought we might have
a couple of days in Margate.
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The English seaside in the winter
has got a charm all of its own.
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- Yes, so I've heard.
- Well, what about next weekend?
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Er...
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- Would you rather go to Brighton?
- No, no, no, it's not that,
143
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it's just that I might be going... to Paris
next weekend with Adrian.
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- Oh, I see.
- No, Harvey, you don't see.
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- I've thought a lot about this.
- Yeah, well,
146
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- Paris, Margate - it's a hard choice to make.
- It's not like that, Harvey.
147
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- Why didn't you tell me?
- I knew you would react like this!
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- Just give me a moment to explain!
- You don't have to explain.
149
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- You do exactly what you want.
- Oh, you're being so stupid!
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That wouldn't do around you, would it?
151
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I'm a convenience,
I happen to live under the same roof.
152
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- I'm only good for one thing!
- Don't overestimate yourself.
153
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Yeah, well, tonight you can deal with your
arty-farty bohemians on your tod, all right?
154
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Shut up, Erich!
155
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- Oh. Didn't go so well, then.
- No.
156
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- I thought you knew how to handle Frieda.
- Yeah, so did I.
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Here, look.
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I don't know what it is about you and women,
son.
159
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Sometimes I think
I took you off the breast too soon.
160
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Purl...
161
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...purl...
162
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...plain.
163
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Drop one...
164
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...ooph, keep one.
165
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Right.
166
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Purl...
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Just go straight through,
help yourself to a drink.
168
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,308
Oh, er... Erich, can you take this coat?
169
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Just a minute.
170
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Oh, Walter! Hello, how are you? Welcome.
171
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- Walter, this is my brother, Erich.
- Erich, pleased to meet you.
172
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- Walter is a sculptor.
- I'm a baker.
173
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I specialise in horses.
174
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I specialise in... coats.
175
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Go through, go through.
176
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I'll get it.
177
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I've just seen a bloke on the landing,
hair over his collar,
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little dog under his arm with ribbons on it.
179
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,672
I bet him and Erich have got a lot in common.
180
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,359
- So, what do you think, then?
- About what?
181
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,790
Oh, for goodness' sake, Harvey,
you're like a cat on hot bricks.
182
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,115
Now leave them stairs alone and sit down.
183
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,391
That's the third time I've asked you.
What do you think about Geoff?
184
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,557
- What do you mean, what do I think?
- Well, you know, what do you think?
185
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,478
That's a great help. Well, he's OK.
I like him.
186
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,351
- Oh, you do, do you?
- Yeah.
187
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:25,075
You're well in there, what with that allotment
of his. Cabbages, potatoes...
188
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,599
- Typical, that is.
- What is?
189
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,518
You'd sell your own mother for a
pound of spuds and a cabbage.
190
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:33,030
- Only if you bunged in a cauliflower an' all.
- Oh, very funny.
191
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,358
What's up?
Have you had an argument with Geoff?
192
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,391
No!
193
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:43,558
No, it's just that I've been
thinking about him and me and...
194
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,398
Well, I ain't sure about it all, Harvey.
195
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Everybody keeps pushing us together,
him included.
196
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:53,472
He's a good bloke.
I mean, he's got his own place, railway pension.
197
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,956
I mean, his family are a bit much
but there's nothing wrong with Geoff.
198
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,831
You see? That's what I mean, exactly.
199
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:00,518
Well, what's wrong with him, then?
200
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:05,309
Well, he's a bit too fond
of the drink, if you ask me.
201
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,749
He likes a few drinks,
what reasonable bloke don't?
202
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,519
- More than a few.
- OK, so he hits the bottle occasionally.
203
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,438
More like the bottle hits him.
Look how he was last Christmas.
204
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,268
Look at the state you were in.
"I'll carve the turkey if someone'll hold it still"?
205
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,232
If it'd had any brandy in the pudding
you'd have sucked it out.
206
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,874
Everyone gets a bit merry at Christmas,
including you.
207
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,434
- What about New Year's Eve, then?
- Same as Christmas.
208
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,074
Oh? Well, he was a bit merry last night,
209
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,997
and that was just an ordinary Thursday.
210
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,156
He'd probably just collected his pension.
211
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,191
Oh, hello, Erich. Come in.
212
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,549
Hello, Erich. What can we do for you, then?
213
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,115
Give me sanctuary.
Just let me stay here till it ends down there.
214
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,673
That bad, is it? Sit down.
215
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,951
- I don't think I could have taken much more.
- Some bunch, ain't they?
216
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,833
To me, they are like...
creatures from another planet.
217
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,519
I don't understand how Frieda can like them.
218
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,551
Ah, she's a funny one, your Frieda.
219
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,591
Artistic temperament.
220
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,632
- I can't make her out sometimes.
- Me neither.
221
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:02,390
You know, Harvey, I think in the past
I've been ungenerous to you.
222
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:06,513
I shouldn't have discouraged Frieda
from becoming too attached to you.
223
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,154
- I think I was wrong.
- I think maybe you were right.
224
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,988
- And I think maybe Frieda agrees with you.
- No, what I'm trying to say is, Harvey,
225
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,873
I'm sorry that in the past
I tried to come between you.
226
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,992
Are you saying that you wouldn't have minded
me marrying Frieda?
227
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,510
- Yeah, I think I am.
- Well, I think it's a bit late for that now.
228
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:27,680
Harvey! There's a dog coming up the stairs!
Looks like a ferret.
229
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,749
Well, I don't think we did too badly, do you?
230
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,190
- No, but have you seen that other couple?
- Yes, they were rather good.
231
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,231
- Fancy a drink?
- Ooh, not half.
232
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,271
Won't be a moment.
233
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,153
Hello.
234
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,671
Oh! Hello.
235
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,996
- Do you mind me talking to you?
- No, no, not at all.
236
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,275
You're a very good dancer. You know that?
237
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,073
Oh, thank you very much.
You're not so bad yourself.
238
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,315
Thanks.
239
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,480
Has your wife... Sorry.
240
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,112
- Carry on.
- Has your wife gone?
241
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,833
Well, she's not my wife, actually.
No, we're divorced,
242
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,270
I mean, we still dance together, but...
No, she's gone home.
243
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,630
Not like me, eh? Not staying
till the bitter end...
244
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,433
...viewing the talent.
245
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,596
Oh, are you now?
246
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:08,429
- What about your er... partner? Is he your er?
- Leo?
247
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,836
Oh, no, no, he's not my...
He's... He's a friend.
248
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,998
Oh, I see. Then he won't mind
if we have a turn on the floor, eh?
249
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,031
Well, he's just getting me a drink.
250
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,392
- No, I'm sure he won't mind at all.
- All right, come on.
251
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,834
That's better.
252
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,910
- Ooh!
- You must be getting fat, Mum.
253
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,313
I'm not!
254
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,069
- Well, either that or that dress is too small.
- No, it's the bones.
255
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,634
- Mm, well, you know what you say.
- What?
256
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:08,151
- You've got to suffer in the cause of beauty.
- Well, it ain't half nice when you get 'em off.
257
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:12,273
Yeah. Mind you, I've seen you suffering
but I ain't sure it's worth it.
258
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,436
Oh, that's very good.
259
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:18,439
Ooh, you're happy! You had some good news,
like my dad's fell in the canal or something?
260
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,471
I met a fella.
261
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,511
Did you?
262
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:24,198
Howard.
263
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,913
'Oward? Is that the best you can do?
264
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,269
Listen, he's a looker and he can dance.
265
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,959
So where is he, this Howard?
How did you leave it with him?
266
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,037
Well, he's got class.
He ain't all in for a bit of all-in wrestling.
267
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,559
He's no good for you, then.
268
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,912
No, listen, he's just asked me if I was gonna
be there for the competition next week.
269
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,951
He said he'll be looking out for me.
270
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,639
And he's lovely.
271
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,433
I expect he'll move in for the kill then.
272
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,870
Stanley, I must get your dad
to have a word with you.
273
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,990
I don't think there's much Dad can tell him.
274
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,510
I was thinking there was more things
he could tell his dad.
275
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,073
I'm glad to see you're happier.
276
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,793
You've been bloody murder to live with
these last weeks.
277
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,752
Things had to start getting better,
not gone on getting worse.
278
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,268
Who do you think that is?
279
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,550
- I dunno.
- 'Ere, maybe it's your Howard.
280
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:12,478
Maybe he couldn't wait till next week.
281
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,989
Oh, my God! Mum, look!
282
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,031
- Oh, Jes...
- Evening.
283
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,514
- Would you be er... Mrs Moon?
- Er... just...
284
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:22,993
Um...
285
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:24,874
Yes.
286
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,717
Veronica, what are you doing here?
287
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,672
- I take it, then, you know this young lady?
- Well, yeah.
288
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:34,589
I also take it that you are the proprietress
of the... Happy Curl hairdressing salon?
289
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,039
Yeah, yeah.
290
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:40,153
At 9.53 this evening, I discovered this
young woman on the premises of your shop
291
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:44,239
- under suspicious circumstances.
- Why were you there? You forget something?
292
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,271
No, I didn't forget nothing.
293
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,279
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs Moon,
I never meant to cause no trouble, honest.
294
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,869
- Well, what've you been up to?
- I've been living there.
295
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,878
In the shop. For the past week or so.
296
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,911
Living there?
297
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,190
My dad's thrown me out the house.
298
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,231
He says he won't have me back.
299
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,396
Can I have a drink of water, please?
300
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,194
- I see. So you do know this young lady, then?
- Of course I do, she's my partner.
301
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,470
She's my best friend!
We've known her for years!
302
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,911
- Well, excuse me, but I have a report to fill in!
- Go on, then, fill it in! No one's stopping you!
303
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,951
Go on, then!
304
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,036
Oi, ain't you got a form to fill in?
305
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,071
What you done?
306
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,997
I'm gonna have a baby.
307
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,031
- What?
- What?
308
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:27,559
How?
309
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,513
"I'll just pop out for a bottle, Vi."
Ooh, I should have known better.
310
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,233
- You don't know what's happened to him.
- Oh, yes, I do.
311
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,191
He could have had a nasty accident.
312
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,277
Yeah, a pint of light and bitter
could have dropped on his big toe.
313
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,073
Oh, come on, Mum,
you don't know that's what he's been doing.
314
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,997
You want a bet?
315
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,315
I reckon we
should start without him.
316
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:49,193
If we wait much longer,
there'll be nothing left to start on!
317
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,596
Wait. We invited Geoff for Sunday dinner,
you can't start without him!
318
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,631
But I can't wait all day, Harvey!
319
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,875
He's a good bloke, he won't let you down.
320
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:59,434
Sounds like it, don't it?
321
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:04,354
Here we are. Sorry I'm late, Vi.
I met this bloke in the pub I know.
322
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,868
Yeah, pubs seem to be full of blokes you know.
323
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,230
I have to be sociable, Vi.
I had to have a few drinks with him.
324
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,716
And while you've been doing that,
my potatoes have been getting ruined.
325
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,830
There's plenty more where they came from.
326
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,077
Yeah, well, you can get somebody else
to cook 'em for you.
327
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:22,669
'Ere, am I in the doghouse?
328
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,917
- No.
- Oh, that's all right, then.
329
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,638
Ooh.
330
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,031
How can I be expected to marry him?
331
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,514
I dunno,
you already sound like man and wife to me.
332
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,835
Anyone can meet a mate
and forget what time it is.
333
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,269
I mean, Sunday:
A bloke's entitled to a few drinks.
334
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:43,632
- Trouble with him, it's more than Sunday lunch.
- Come on, Mum, go easy on him.
335
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,796
How come you're always on his side so much?
336
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,753
I like him.
I think the two of you would be good together.
337
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,791
- Do you?
- Yeah.
338
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,151
Well, why does he do it, Harvey?
339
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,589
Well, he took it bad when Rosie died
340
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,517
and, you know, all he's got is...
341
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,715
...is Albert. He's no comfort.
342
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,070
I mean, it often happens,
blokes his age, retired.
343
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,839
I mean... grandchildren gone away.
344
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,871
He's lonely.
345
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,912
- What is there left for him?
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
346
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,111
- All his engines been painted green.
- Oh!
347
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,754
The way he's going, they'll
be pink and flying.
348
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:23,314
- How is it?
- Oh, well, it ain't too bad, really.
349
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,351
Just a bit er... well done.
350
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,675
- I quite like it that way.
- Yeah, me too.
351
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,473
- Like I said, you go easy on him, eh?
- All right.
352
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,190
Geoff!
353
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,953
- You quite comfortable there, Veronica?
- Oh, yes, thanks, Mrs Moon.
354
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,877
Don't mention it.
355
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,798
Four, five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten, eleven, twelve...
356
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,832
Mum, I'm trying to do my homework.
Can't you count in your head?
357
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,475
- That's the way I've always done it.
- We're told to do it quiet at school.
358
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,638
- Can't you take that on your bed and do it?
- It ain't my bed any more, it's hers.
359
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,035
And her stuff's all over it.
Besides, there's no table,
360
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:10,153
and besides, it's so small I have to go in the hall
to turn a page and besides... Is that enough?
361
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,392
Yeah, it is.
362
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,956
All right, we will be very quiet, won't we?
Veronica.
363
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,991
Oh, yeah.
364
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,391
Four....
365
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,159
It ain't not bother for me to keep quiet.
366
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,756
- In fact, I just like sitting on my own sometimes.
- Veronica.
367
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,639
Sorry.
368
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,550
See? No bother. Told you I could
do it, didn't I?
369
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,194
- What did he say?
- You don't want to know.
370
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,434
I told you.
371
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,869
He says she ain't his daughter,
he ain't got one now.
372
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,992
- I told you that an' all, didn't I?
- Didn't you try to explain to him
373
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:56,113
what it'll be like for her on her own with
a baby, appeal to his finer emotions?
374
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,516
Yeah, I did. But it's kind of hard
to appeal to someone's finer emotions
375
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,790
when you're talking to him
through a letter box.
376
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,910
What else did he say?
377
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,520
He said she's a slut, a harlot, a jezebel,
378
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,120
and a few other things
what I wouldn't care to repeat.
379
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,197
I've heard people call
you a jezebel, Mrs Moon!
380
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:14,509
Have you?
381
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,073
I'm sorry, Mum. I did my best. Move your feet.
382
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,918
Veronica,
you ain't got any more family, have you,
383
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,952
- like a long-lost aunt in Australia?
- Australia?
384
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,389
Yeah, or a 22nd cousin in Outer Mongolia?
385
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,113
No. No, it's just me.
386
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,197
Are you sure you can't remember who it was?
387
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,470
I've told you, Mrs Moon.
388
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:39,116
It was a works beano and...
I'd had too much to drink,
389
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,197
and, well, you always kiss with
your eyes closed, don't you?
390
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,198
- I hope that bloke had his eyes closed, too.
- Stanley!
391
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,596
Not even the faintest blur
of an outline of a face?
392
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,392
- Or the size of his...
- Stanley!
393
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:51,668
Nose!
394
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,711
No. No, not a thing.
395
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,194
- It's a pity.
- Yeah.
396
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,231
Well, never mind, eh?
397
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,551
I quite like it here.
398
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,591
I'm happy here.
399
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,438
In fact, I think I could
stay here forever, I could.
400
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,913
Ooh!
401
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,751
Excuse me. Must go to a place again.
402
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,314
Try not to be in there forever this time,
Veronica.
403
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:17,432
I think it's kicking!
404
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,358
- She's got to go, Mum.
- Yeah, she just told you that.
405
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,868
- Anyway, you keep out of this.
- No, I won't!
406
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,310
Cos it's my bed she's in.
I don't get much kip with Mum, her like this.
407
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,791
- I don't!
- You do!
408
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,910
- I never!
- How do you know? You're asleep.
409
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,871
You can't put her out, Mum, you just can't.
410
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,115
- If you had a cat, you'd put that out.
- Oi, you!
411
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,151
Who said I was gonna?
412
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,589
I can't stand being in
the same house with her.
413
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,076
You're lucky, I go to work, she's there,
and I come home and she's here too.
414
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:45,473
I've got no escape.
415
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,671
But she helped me when I needed it
and I won't let her down now. Is that clear?
416
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,039
Stanley?
417
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,753
- Is that clear?
- Yeah, I suppose so.
418
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,791
It ain't fair to me, though, is it?
419
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,835
He's right, it ain't fair.
420
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,871
What can you do?
421
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:03,911
I'll think of something.
422
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:08,873
Mrs Moon!
The chain's come off in my hand again!
423
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,396
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
424
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,159
A bit hungry, though.
I couldn't half do with a bite to eat.
425
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,430
You should have thought of that before. Erich.
426
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,596
- Oh, hello, Erich.
- How's Frieda?
427
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,996
She's still a bit frosty, like the weather,
so I went out for lunch.
428
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,838
Oh, you've had your lunch, have you? Gawd.
429
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,318
Hello.
430
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,952
Frieda, I want to talk to you about Harvey.
431
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,913
- Oh, really, Erich, there is nothing to talk about.
- I think there is.
432
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,110
You know, Harvey is very fond of you.
433
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,878
So?
434
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,195
Well, what I want to say is...
435
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,114
Look, Frieda, I never interfere
in your private life.
436
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,869
- No, Erich, and that's just fine by me.
- No, Frieda, please. You must decide.
437
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,593
- Decide what?
- Between Harvey and Adrian.
438
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,952
Oh, no, no, if you and Harvey want to indulge in
some ridiculous fantasy about Adrian...
439
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,560
- It's not fair to Harvey.
- Oh!
440
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,672
So you and Harvey are all of a sudden
best friends now?
441
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:15,915
Tell me, do they know at schul?
442
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:22,237
Well, perhaps after all
being Jewish isn't everything.
443
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,518
Ooh, you've got a nerve coming round here.
444
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:31,154
- You've got a nerve coming round here.
- You don't know what sort of day I've had.
445
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,430
Nothing to the day I've had.
How low can you get?
446
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,916
It was my lawyer's idea. I've never made
any bones about wanting Stanley,
447
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,791
but now I've got a chance to get him!
448
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,559
- Yeah, well, you know I never did it!
- I don't know nothing!
449
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,433
- Veronica, would you mind, please?
- It's family business.
450
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,914
- But I am family.
- No, our family.
451
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,269
- You could have done it.
- They're only rowing.
452
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,914
- Veronica!
- Oh, you carry on.
453
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,359
- Don't mind me.
- Please!
454
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:57,188
- Come on.
- It was just getting interesting.
455
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,231
Jesus Christ.
456
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,556
There's no fire in this bedroom
where I'm going, Mrs Moon.
457
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,194
And it gets very cold.
458
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,797
- She looks at home.
- She is.
459
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,478
- You what?
- This is her home.
460
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,637
- What, she's stopping the night?
- Her father's thrown her out,
461
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,672
and before you ask why, I'll tell you:
She's pregnant.
462
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,950
- No.
- Yes, Dad.
463
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,878
- How?
- Funny, that's what Stanley said.
464
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,070
She don't even know herself, so don't ask me.
465
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:26,554
Now listen.
466
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:27,749
Look at me!
467
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,189
- We've got a problem here.
- I can see that.
468
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,835
There ain't enough room here with Veronica,
so I was wondering,
469
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,589
seeing as how you are so keen
on having Stanley,
470
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,916
whether you'd... take him off our hands
for a while.
471
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,599
- What, have him come and live with us?
- Yeah.
472
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,279
- Be glad to. Love to.
- Thought you'd say that.
473
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,311
What about Veronica?
474
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,396
Well, we'll make the best of it.
475
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,238
- Like the Blitz.
- Oh, no, the Blitz was never like this.
476
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,748
- At least we had the Anderson.
- That's an idea.
477
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,429
Oh, yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you, eh?
Me in the shelter with Stan's bike.
478
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:04,429
- I mean Veronica.
- Don't be silly. Veronica in a shelter!
479
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,873
- What would we do with the bike?
- Mm...
480
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,431
Sorry, forgot my knitting.
481
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,471
Lovely and warm in here, innit?
482
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,956
- You know, I was just thinking...
- You be careful.
483
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,195
If I was to stay here and have the baby,
484
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:25,153
it'd be like it had a...
had a ready-made family, wouldn't it?
485
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,397
Well, Maggie and Stan would be like
his auntie and uncle,
486
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,908
and you'd be like his grandmother, Mrs Moon.
487
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,988
I-I've come to apologise.
488
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,998
Harvey...
...what are you doing? It's so late.
489
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,157
I would have come earlier
but we've got Stanley staying with us
490
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,988
and I caught the bleeder underneath
the bed clothes reading a copy of Lilliput.
491
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,191
I told him off, so I had to wait till
he was asleep before I come down.
492
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,231
Come on, get in, get in, get in.
493
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:23,432
Oh, Harvey, you're freezing! Please, stay over
that side of the bed till you're warmed up.
494
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,471
Please, please, please.
495
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,717
- Ain't exactly very romantic.
- Neither are cold feet.
496
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,719
Oh, this is ridiculous, Harvey.
497
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,793
I mean, it's crazy for two people
to be carrying on like this.
498
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:41,831
Who's carrying on?
499
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,031
At night, you have to creep down the stairs.
500
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,469
In the morning,
you have to creep back up the stairs
501
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,272
so that you can be found in your own bed.
502
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:52,790
It's my mum, she ain't happy about any of this.
She just don't hold with it.
503
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,230
Harvey, you are 38 years old
and your mother isn't stupid.
504
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:01,553
I mean, it would just be so nice
to spend one whole night together.
505
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,717
Well, that... that is why I wanted you
to come to Marg...
506
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,556
- I'm sorry for the things I said the other night.
- It's OK.
507
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,039
Perhaps we were both a little keyed up
or whatever.
508
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,789
Anyway, you were right.
I should have told you sooner about Paris.
509
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,753
Erich said that it was business,
not just an holiday.
510
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,279
Is that what you thought it was?
511
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,630
- You didn't tell me anything different.
- You didn't give me a chance.
512
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:30,355
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- It's all right, I'm sorry too.
513
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,870
So, you seem to have found an advocate
in Erich all of a sudden.
514
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,512
Yeah.
515
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,391
He thinks we should get married.
516
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,471
That's a turn-up.
517
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,591
What do you think?
518
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,193
I think that I'm very glad
you came down tonight.
519
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:55,069
- Is that an invitation to... move across?
- Come on now.
520
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,559
Harvey, take your scarf off, huh?
521
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,671
- Oh! Just a moment.
- What is it?
522
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,189
- I've got to set the alarm.
- Oh, no.
523
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,834
Well, it's my mum. It's her bad leg.
524
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,189
She's just waking up earlier and earlier.
525
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,391
- 4.30?
- Yeah.
526
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,237
- Where's Leo? He should be here by now.
- You ain't ready yet anyway.
527
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,078
- What's that got to do with it?
- Will you keep your head still?
528
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,038
Oh, that's my robe!
529
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,071
Yeah, I didn't think you'd mind.
530
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,156
I'm gonna have a bath now.
531
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:43,597
- Anyone want my water?
- No.
532
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:48,555
Oh, I don't know why you didn't ask me
to do your hair, Mrs Moon.
533
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,751
I mean, I am trained, not like Maggie.
534
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,236
Veronica, I know just as much about
hairdressing as you're ever likely to,
535
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,909
- and if I can't do my own mum's hair...
- Well, there is that, I suppose.
536
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,951
You do know her head.
537
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,428
- I can't take much more of this, Mags.
- Me neither.
538
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,153
Do you have any idea how cramped we are
in there?
539
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,192
You could always come in with me
now Stan's gone round your dad's.
540
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,390
- With your twitching?
- Oh, please yourself.
541
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,435
Oh, my gawd, she's taking over!
542
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,516
- I'm gonna swing for her, I am.
- It's Leo.
543
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,516
Oh! Now look, Mags...
544
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,120
...you never know but,
545
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,994
fingers crossed,
Howard might be back here tonight.
546
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,793
- Don't worry, I'll make sure she's in bed.
- Yeah.
547
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,229
Make sure she's asleep. Right.
548
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,794
- How do I look?
- You'll do.
549
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,956
- Good. Wish me luck.
- I wish you luck.
550
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,673
I hope you do well with the dancing, too.
551
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,711
- My shoes.
- Shoes.
552
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,031
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
553
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,590
- Eh?
- I said, don't you know any other songs?
554
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,119
Oh, it don't matter!
555
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,789
Sorry, Mags, I can't hear you! I was singing!
556
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,228
- You're having me on.
- No, no, no, cross my heart. Cross my heart.
557
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,271
Oh, dear!
558
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:13,235
Now you see, that would never happen with us
cos I close naturally. Just lucky.
559
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,194
So, how do you fancy your chances tonight,
then?
560
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,231
What exactly do you mean by that?
561
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:23,193
Oh, well, I don't think I exactly meant that.
I mean on the dance floor.
562
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:24,992
Oh, I don't know. I mean...
563
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,918
I think I'd stand a much better chance
if you were my partner.
564
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:29,313
- Really?
- Yeah.
565
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,157
- Why?
- Well, we're more of a match.
566
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,589
- Are we now?
- Yeah, we're the same height.
567
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:36,916
You've seen my partner Shirl.
I mean, she's a bleeding midget!
568
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,235
It don't half make it hard to lead.
569
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,033
Well, I think I'd have to have a word with Leo
about that.
570
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,516
Oh, let's face it, Rita,
I mean, Leo's a good dancer.
571
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,950
He's a great dancer, yeah, fair's fair,
but he's a bit short for you.
572
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,309
- Is he?
- Rita, my dear, I don't want to rush you,
573
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:53,157
but we're on as soon as the band returns.
574
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,873
- Oh, I'll... I'll just powder my nose.
- Right.
575
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,271
Charming woman, that er... Rita.
576
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,311
- She is indeed.
- Yeah.
577
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,351
- Cigarette?
- Oh, thank you.
578
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,519
Oh, hello, love, come in.
579
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:16,711
- I wondered if I could have a word with Harvey.
- He's in there, look.
580
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,955
- Harvey, I wondered if...
- Stan.
581
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:20,672
- What?
- Go to my room, love.
582
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,315
- Oh, this is just like being at home!
- No, really, I don't want to disturb you.
583
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,239
No trouble, we was just going downstairs
anyway. Weren't we, Stan?
584
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:33,429
'Ere, Nan, when I was a little boy,
didn't you tell me it was a sin to tell a lie?
585
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,038
Keep your voice down.
586
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,356
- Well, first, I'm not going to Paris with Adrian.
- Great.
587
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,278
- But I am going.
- Look, you can't go to Paris alone.
588
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:42,958
Why not?
589
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,072
Look, it's not you and Adrian,
it's you and my whole way of life.
590
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,554
That's the choice
you seem to be forcing me to make.
591
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,637
On the one hand, there's my painting,
all that goes with that.
592
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,955
- On the other hand, there's you.
- Yeah?
593
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:59,192
Look at what a truly...
bizarre relationship this is.
594
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,470
- Oh...
- No, it is, isn't it? I mean it is.
595
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,511
This strange looking man,
596
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,632
wearing a jacket over his pyjamas
and clutching an alarm clock,
597
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,875
appears in my bedroom every few nights.
598
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:13,391
I mean, it's hardly the... balcony scene
from Romeo and Juliet.
599
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,716
- There's no need to bring other people into it.
- There you are, you see?
600
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,797
You make absolutely no attempt
to bridge the gap, do you? Like...
601
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,469
Like you wouldn't come to my party,
like you insist on being jealous of Adrian
602
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:28,275
when I tell you there's nothing to be jealous of,
like you refuse to meet my friends.
603
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,869
Oh, look, Harvey, I'm sorry, I'm getting angry.
I didn't mean to get angry.
604
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,195
Yeah, but you managed it somehow, didn't you?
605
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:38,472
Look, all I'm saying is, I want
to go to Paris, see what happens.
606
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,397
Maybe something will, maybe nothing.
607
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,079
But... God, that seems
so hard for you to take.
608
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,793
You can't go to Paris on your own,
it's full of Frenchmen.
609
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,831
Harvey!
610
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:50,951
Look, I'll...
611
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,151
...I'll see you when I get back.
612
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,792
Fine.
613
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,954
Oh, no, honestly, Leo, what do you really think
we're supposed to do with this, eh,
614
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,072
split it down the middle -
six months with you, six months with me?
615
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,351
- No, you can hold onto it, my dear.
- No, you could hang your hat on this.
616
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,994
Couldn't he, Howard, eh?
I'm gonna use it for a bookend.
617
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,077
- You'll need two for that, Rita.
- No, I'll put it against the wall.
618
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,953
- You're all right, then.
- No, I'm not. I ain't got no books.
619
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,311
'Ere, what do you think this is?
Is it silver, Howard? Can you see?
620
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,749
Has it got a little lion on the back? Oh!
621
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:38,950
Oh, that reminds me.
Wasn't it a lovely sprung floor, eh?
622
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:43,596
There's nothing like a good sprung floor.
Isn't that what you always say, Leo, eh?
623
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,279
Oh, you were really good tonight. You were.
624
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,596
No offence, Howard.
Ooh, don't he look lovely in glasses?
625
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,631
'Ere, I didn't say value that.
626
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,831
'Ere, have you seen this, Leo? Eh?
Come on, have a look, love.
627
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,348
- Have a look, I'll hold the wheel. Go on.
- No, no, Rita.
628
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:01,791
- You hold onto it, I'll look at it later.
- All right, don't get aireated, you'll have a crash.
629
00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,879
It's funny,
I thought the quickstep we did was the best.
630
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,753
I was surprised we got more marks
for the samba.
631
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:15,395
'Ere, you know that couple what won the
quickstep, her face was bored stiff.
632
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:17,192
They won't be dancing together long.
633
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:20,198
You should have heard what she said after
in the ladies! Ooh!
634
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,231
Oh, we're here! That was quick!
635
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:32,035
Do you know, Howard, this is the first thing
I ever won in my whole life.
636
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,435
- It must be my lucky night.
- Here you are, my dear.
637
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:38,951
No, I tell a lie. I did win a raffle once
in Southend when I was a kid.
638
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:42,913
Plaster-of-Paris Alsatian.
Only my mum lost the ticket, I never had it.
639
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,157
Oh, I like Southend.
Do you like Southend, How...
640
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,316
Howard! What are you doing in there?
641
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,352
- Come on, we're coming in for a drink.
- Actually, we're not.
642
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,312
It's getting rather late,
I have rather a busy day tomorrow.
643
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,273
Also, I've got to get Howard
halfway across London, you see, and er...
644
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,311
Good night.
645
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,672
I'll speak to you in the morning.
646
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,840
I've had it up to here with charm-y.
647
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,394
I've just come to pick Stanley up.
Where is he?
648
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:26,513
He's gone to the flicks with Mags and Veronica.
I thought I'd have some peace.
649
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,313
- You out of sorts, girl?
- A bit.
650
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,351
You've got a nerve asking me that.
651
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,870
- All this ain't cos of that business with Stanley?
- Well, it don't help.
652
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,195
- Nor does Veronica.
- Mm, I can see that.
653
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:40,231
What about Howard?
654
00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:43,754
- Did Stanley tell you about him?
- Afraid so.
655
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:45,791
Little bleeder.
656
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:50,231
Didn't work out, eh? Well, never mind,
there's plenty more fish in the sea.
657
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:54,239
Yeah. Trouble is, I think
I'm running out of bait.
658
00:36:55,720 --> 00:36:59,190
Oh, I think I'll just give up
and wear my curlers in the street.
659
00:36:59,240 --> 00:37:00,719
Leo would love that.
660
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,991
Yeah, well, he's a bit busy
himself at the minute.
661
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,430
That's what comes of having a boyfriend
who isn't a boyfriend.
662
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:09,471
Yeah, well...
663
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:14,309
- I suppose your love life's going swimmingly.
- Captain Webb job.
664
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,351
Fine, no problems.
665
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:22,278
I thought the Jungle Telegraph told me
you were taking Frieda to Thanet.
666
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,311
- Margate.
- Oh.
667
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,796
Gonna treat her? Gonna
take her on the funfair?
668
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,071
- Funfair's closed.
- Well, that's just as well.
669
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:34,237
Last time we went,
I had to go on the ghost train on my own.
670
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,556
- I can't stand all that stuff across your face.
- Mm.
671
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,238
When you came out the ghost train,
672
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,556
everyone else was screaming
and you were laughing. Why?
673
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,239
- Never you mind.
- You wouldn't tell me then.
674
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,271
I'm not telling you now.
675
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,077
- I took you on the big wheel.
- You know I can't stand heights.
676
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:54,680
I didn't find out till it stopped up the top
and wobbled.
677
00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:55,789
Don't!
678
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,274
'Ey, you remember that bloke
that strapped us in?
679
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,437
He had "I hate prison"
tattooed across his hand.
680
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,119
Didn't like the look of him.
681
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,351
You booked your hotel, then?
682
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,517
- Don't want to stay on my own, do I?
- What's going on?
683
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:14,030
I told you, she's done a Captain Webb,
right across the channel.
684
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,753
Art exhibition, Paris. All them bohemians.
685
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,191
So you're on your tod an' all, eh?
686
00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:22,231
I don't fit in, do I?
687
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:25,231
No.
688
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:33,433
- Are you going out tonight, Leo?
- Er... not as far as I know.
689
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,471
Why, are you proposing a date?
690
00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,119
What's this?
691
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:58,870
Oh, gawd, remind me to take that bag
of shopping home, my mum'll kill me if I forget it.
692
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,672
It's got tonight's dinner in it.
693
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,113
- Do you want to know what we're having?
- What are you having?
694
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,835
- Got a lovely rabbit. Do you like rabbit, Leo?
- In a hutch, yes.
695
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,793
Do you cook for yourself,
or can't you be bothered?
696
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,593
Generally speaking, I have something out.
Or a boiled egg.
697
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:19,518
A boiled egg? But that's breakfast.
I'm talking about dinner.
698
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,994
Yes, I sometimes just have a boiled egg
for dinner.
699
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,031
There you are, I knew it.
700
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:27,356
I was laying in bed last night thinking,
"I bet Leo's hungry."
701
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,072
- You were?
- Yeah.
702
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,395
I've been really worried about you, Leo.
703
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:35,513
I was imagining how nice it'd be for you,
to come home from a hard day's work
704
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:39,155
find the place spotless, lovely roast dinner
waiting for you on the table...
705
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,033
- Mm.
- I mean, a boiled egg's no dinner for a man.
706
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:46,278
- What you need is an housekeeper.
- Forgive my obtuseness, Maggie, but...
707
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,039
I think everything's getting on top of my mum
at the moment.
708
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:50,911
What happened the other night? You won,
709
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,758
but you wouldn't think it
from the way she's been acting.
710
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,916
- It was that Howard, weren't it?
- Hm?
711
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,997
- He let her down, didn't he?
- In a manner of speaking, yes.
712
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,349
I thought as much.
She's been really browned off.
713
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:02,753
- Has she?
- Yeah.
714
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,473
And it's not helping having Veronica
round all the time.
715
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,751
In the past, if she was in a mood,
she could take it out on me and Stanley
716
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,268
but she feels a bit 'hibited
with Veronica there.
717
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,915
I find it hard to believe
that anyone could "hibit" your mother.
718
00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:19,073
- Things are getting really difficult, are they?
- Not half.
719
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:22,396
- I just wish there was something I could do.
- Oh, there is.
720
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,590
Well, you know how you said before
how you'd like to have a family like us
721
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,598
come and live in that big place of yours,
make it more like home?
722
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:34,077
Indeed, there's nothing I'd like more.
Are you suggesting there's a distinct possibility?
723
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,759
A distinct possibility of
something of the sort.
724
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:40,395
In that case, I'll come back with you tonight
and propose the idea to Rita again.
725
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,351
Could you propose something else?
726
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,431
Sorry, I don't follow.
727
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,869
You'd do anything for my mum, wouldn't you?
728
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,639
What are you leading up to, madam?
729
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,592
Oh, it's lovely, that,
knowing you'd do anything for my mum.
730
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,359
- Well, she has done quite a lot for me.
- There you are, then.
731
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,153
- This could be your way of paying her back.
- What do you mean?
732
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,111
- Having Veronica.
- Having Veronica?
733
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,833
Yeah, well, she needs somewhere to live,
734
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,269
and you need an housekeeper,
735
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:10,472
and, well, you've got an house and...
you could keep her.
736
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:15,675
You spin him a yarn like that,
and he'll come down on you like a ton of bricks.
737
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:19,235
And him a Labour man, too.
He's supposed to be for the working class.
738
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,795
Oh, he is for the working class,
but you're the thieving class.
739
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,559
- Hello, Sergeant Miller.
- Goodbye, Sergeant Miller.
740
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:26,919
Yeah.
741
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:34,277
- Ta-ta, Janet.
- Bye.
742
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,154
Excuse me, Counsellor,
I wonder if I could have a word.
743
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,873
- What is it, Harry?
- It's kind of delicate, Counsellor.
744
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,959
Perhaps you could call in at the station on
your way home, ask for Sergeant Hutchinson.
745
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,560
There's someone in the cells there
claims he knows you.
746
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,354
- Says he's a very close relative of yours.
- It's not my boy Stanley, is it, Harry?
747
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,595
No, it's not your boy Stanley, Harvey.
748
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,955
Hello, Harvey. I knew you'd come.
749
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:13,399
Geoff, what is all this?
750
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,796
Well, I had a nice little double come up
yesterday. I had to celebrate.
751
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:20,549
I mean bringing me down here,
saying there's a close relative of mine.
752
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:24,991
Only a question of time, innit, eh?
You've got to get me out of this, Harvey, eh?
753
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:27,918
- You done this sort of thing before, have you?
- No!
754
00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:31,438
Geoff...
755
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,631
- What's the charge, George?
- Drunk and disorderly.
756
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,990
Well, it is his first offence,
George, and er...
757
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,349
...well, his missus passed away, you know?
758
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,391
37 years of marriage, you know.
759
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,551
I can vouch safe for his character.
760
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:50,109
So if you reckon you could see your way to...
761
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,591
Well,
762
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,915
seeing it's you, Counsellor Moon...
763
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:04,800
...I suppose we could, this time.
764
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:06,831
Thanks, George.
765
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,871
Yeah, well...
766
00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:13,676
- Thanks, Harvey. I knew you'd do it.
- Don't mention it.
767
00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:16,837
- Good job it's your first offence.
- Yeah.
768
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,872
Here, you'd better not mention anything
about this to Vi.
769
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,876
Don't think she'd approve, somehow.
770
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,388
Seems to have something against drink,
your mum.
771
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:38,193
Could you pass me one of those biscuits,
please, Mrs Moon?
772
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:49,197
- Here you are.
- No, not them ones, the other ones.
773
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:53,877
Sometimes, Veronica, you know,
I think God put you on this earth
774
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:55,911
for a very special purpose.
775
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:57,951
Oh, yeah? What's that?
776
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,071
To improve my soul.
777
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:03,350
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
778
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,551
All right? Come on, in the bedroom,
I've got something to tell you.
779
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:08,750
- I'm eating my biscuits.
- Bring 'em with you.
780
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,109
- I'll make crumbs.
- Oh, come on, it don't matter.
781
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,151
All right, don't pull!
782
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:16,391
- Hello, Mr Brandon.
- Veronica.
783
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,591
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
784
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,151
You sod!
785
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,239
- Why didn't you tell me about the other night?
- I didn't have the heart.
786
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,350
Well, you had the heart to go off with him.
787
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:40,119
Believe me, Rita,
it was the best thing I could do for you.
788
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,038
Oh, well, you didn't do so badly yourself,
did you?
789
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,834
Honestly, who would have thought it of Howard?
790
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,075
- Why not?
- Well, he...
791
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:52,877
...he doesn't look it, does he?
792
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,469
- How are you meant to look?
- Oh, come on now, don't be hard on me.
793
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,592
No, no, I'm serious, Rita.
How are we meant to look?
794
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:03,269
You're one of the kindest people on this
planet, but you don't always look it.
795
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,311
Anyhow, that's not why I'm here.
796
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:07,794
- I'm here to repay a debt.
- What do you mean?
797
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,912
Maggie is at this moment
helping Veronica to pack.
798
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:12,439
Where's she going?
799
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,631
To a large, rattling house
in urgent need of the feminine touch.
800
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:19,195
- Oh, no, no, Leo, you can't be serious.
- Why not?
801
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:21,231
She will drive you barmy.
802
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,272
- What's she doing to you?
- Driving me barmy.
803
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,595
- It's my turn. I owe you.
- No, you don't.
804
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,835
Listen, if I do something I do it, right?
805
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:32,231
- You won't last.
- I'll give it a try.
806
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,794
If it doesn't work, we'll
think of something else.
807
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:39,470
It will get her off your hands. You've got enough
on your plate with Stanley and the divorce.
808
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:42,432
And that you can't stop me
feeling responsible for.
809
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:45,233
Well, all right, you can have that one.
810
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:47,271
Oh, by the way,
811
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:51,199
I bumped into a friend of mine up west
who handles quite a lot of this kind of work,
812
00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:54,277
and he says that,
although it seems like a pretty hopeless case,
813
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:57,471
there is one way that you could nullify this
in the eyes of the law.
814
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,909
- What's that, then?
- Resume conjugal relations.
815
00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:02,474
There's been a world war since then.
816
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:04,192
'Ere, Mr Brandon,
817
00:46:04,240 --> 00:46:06,993
is it true what Maggie says
about me going to live with you?
818
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,508
- It is, Veronica.
- Oh, that's good, innit?
819
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:13,519
Cos I think I'll be a bit more comfortable there.
A bit more room, you know.
820
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:16,552
Well, you are a bit cramped here,
ain't you, Mrs Moon?
821
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:21,639
The thing is, well,
Mrs Moon's been very good to me,
822
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:25,150
and I don't think I'd like to go
unless it's all right with her.
823
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,111
How is it with Mrs Moon?
824
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:29,308
Well...
825
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,834
...I only want what's best for you, Veronica.
826
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:38,672
Oh!
827
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:41,315
Come in!
828
00:46:42,240 --> 00:46:44,231
- Oh, Harvey.
- Hello, Erich.
829
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:47,750
I was wondering if I could, er,
have a word with Frieda if she's around.
830
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,268
She's gone already, Harvey.
She left this morning.
831
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,311
She didn't say goodbye?
832
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:57,234
- Do you know when she's coming back?
- Next week sometime. She wasn't sure.
833
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,829
- Fine.
- Look, Harvey, I'm sorry.
834
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:04,108
Yeah.
835
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:34,276
I always thought of this song as mine.
836
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,955
Yeah, I know. Every time I
sang it, you joined in.
837
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:42,037
"What'll I do when you are far away?"
838
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:46,237
I wasn't far away. You were far away.
I was bleedin' here.
839
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,271
With just a photograph.
840
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:53,110
Well, the only photograph I had of you
was when you tried to grow that moustache.
841
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,390
I thought it made me look like Ronald Coleman.
842
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,078
You looked like Hitler.
843
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:21,478
Hello, is that you, Stan?
844
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:24,511
It's me.
845
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:26,596
- Hello!
- Hello.
846
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:30,911
How are you feeling, Vi?
847
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:34,077
Oh, so-so. My legs are playing up a bit.
848
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,111
Oh, sorry to hear that.
849
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,351
Harvey about, is he?
850
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,437
- No, no, he's out.
- Oh. Pity.
851
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,677
I met him the other day,
asked me to pop round one of these nights.
852
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:50,359
- Oh, funny, he didn't mention it.
- Oh.
853
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:53,391
Oh, never mind.
854
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,238
- Mind if I sit down?
- No, make yourself comfy.
855
00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:00,033
I brought you this by way of a peace offering.
856
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,633
Here's your tea. All right, Mum, Dad?
857
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:43,951
What the bloody?
858
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:49,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll