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El Gato!
3x05 - Sword's Man
Now, to San Lorenzo!
Take care to pose heroically along the way,
that any who observe us may remark on how heroic we look.
For we are undefeated.
Uh, Ginger, we are only undefeated
because we have yet to fight any battles.
A technicality.
Well, to make sure we remain undefeated,
we should collect one more member for the team. A swordsman.
What? That is madness!
We already have the finest swordsman the mind can conceive: me.
You asked for my advice. This is it. Take it or leave it.
I will...
take it.
How about the Thriffith and the Goodsword?
You just made up those words.
I heard the Thriffith is evil now. No judgment.
I just heard about it at an evil party for evil people, you know.
F-Y-Information, the Thriffith isn't evil anymore.
Well, even if he isn't evil, he's a creepy weirdo.
If live in glass house, no throw stones.
We must go at once.
Golem and Duchess, return to San Lorenzo and help the Sphinx protect the town.
Ooh! What's the magic word?
I do not know. You are the magic expert.
Is it "alakazam"? "Hocus-pocus"?
No, I meant "please." Because it's polite to...
Oh, never mind, we'll go. Come along, Golem!
Now, my friends!
Let us enlist the Thriffith and the Goodsword to battle the Bloodwolf.
Oh, I can't wait to see them again. Their friendship is so inspiring.
"Friends who can fight and still make up will never ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever break up."
It's in the book, it has to be true.
- You sicken me! - And you are infuriating to talk to!
But all evidence suggests I am a pleasure to yell at.
Well, no longer, because I'm through with you.
Ah-ha! There they are!
Hello, Thriffith and Goodsword. Long time, no see.
Ah, Puss in Boots, Dulcinea, and...
The great El Guante Blanco.
Being a student of the great masters, I have of course heard tales of you.
Oh, you flatter me.
You're looking well, Dulcinea.
Thank you.
Mwah!
Very mature.
You've caught us at rather an unfortunate moment.
- The moment at which I leave forever! - Wait!
See how well you do on your own, mate.
Oh...
Thriffith, we need you!
For what? Having a tantrum?
Shut up, no face!
If it's anything else, he's useless.
He would never admit that it was I who made him who he was.
He is too big an egomaniac to admit that I did everything all the time
and deserved all the credit.
But, are you not a team?
Yes! We are not a team.
Should we go after him? Doesn't a sword need a swordsman?
Huh. Hmm...
- Thriffith! Please, come back! - Uh, wait, wait!
I believe I know the perfect swordsman for this sword.
The kind of swordsman who can also be a leader! His name is me.
Oh, I don't like it when he gets that crazy look in his eyes.
Hmm... Hmm...
We are lost!
And I blame you.
It not Golem fault.
Every other time I've ever gone to San Lorenzo, I've found it easy-peasy.
But this time, I can't! And the only difference is that I'm with you.
San Lorenzo there.
That? In the distance right where you're looking? Ha!
That's not San Lorenzo! That's a giant statue!
Of the Bloodwolf. With San Lorenzo on top...
I found it!
Duchess get on Golem nerves.
Psst!
Let us have a private conversation via whispering!
That's not what whispering is.
What are you doing to your voice? You sound like a ghost!
I can hear you.
Please, do not interrupt my whisperings.
The Goodsword must join us! He is very powerful!
Oh, I don't know.
He seems pretty emotional over the Thriffith.
You are right.
I do not know if he is ready for another swordsman to wield him.
I do not want another swordsman to wield him. I want me to wield him.
I'm not ready. And you're not whispering.
I am as great at whispering as I am at swordsmaning.
And I am the greatest at that! With you in my paw,
I will be the greater-est! The greatest-er? I will be very great.
No.
Uh, Goodsword? Did you just use the Cooper Technique to evade Puss?
Do not even tell me you know Sir Todd Cooper!
Know him? Whom do you think taught him the technique?
Of course, "Sir Todd" put his own name on it.
But of course!
Very good!
- So. Will you travel with us? - Oh, fine.
Too many reminders of what's-his-name here anyway.
But I don't want a new swordsman. Not yet.
Take all the time you need. We go at once!
Come, my new amigo.
Let us talk of past glories, and swords, and swordsmen!
Look at those two. It is as though I do not even exist!
Oh, no, do I not exist? Dulcinea, can you see me?
You exist, Puss. But Goodsword needs some alone time.
Ha! Alone time with El Guante meh-meh apparently.
I do not know why I cannot get them to pay attention to me.
They are ignoring me. What am I, chopped liver?
Puss in the Boots, I have found you at last.
I will have my vengeance!
But first, I will have my breakfast!
...and I said, "That's not my whisker!"
It was not... Do you see? And then we laughed, it was crazy.
You said that? I can't believe you lived to tell the tale.
That was seriously the best story I've ever heard. And I have a book.
Oh, yes! We are all friends now, and having a good laugh.
And I have another friend who wishes to talk to the Goodsword.
Señor Puss is the greatest of all the swordsmen.
Gracias, regular sword. So kind.
It is nothing, Señor Puss.
You make me so happy to sword around with you, and so I only speak the truth.
You will make me blush through my fur, little swordito.
You are kind and brave and have the chiseled features of a god.
He can't fool me. There's no such thing as a talking sword.
Yet more humor!
Yes. So funny.
We are having fun. But think of how much more fun we could have working together.
Sir, I shan't pussyfoot around it.
I am simply not ready to be wielded so soon.
First of all, there is nothing wrong with pussyfooting.
It is the only way we know how to foot.
Second, and most important,
how can you know you're not ready to be wielded unless you are wielded?
I just know.
Uh, Ginger, it is a difficult time for the Goodsword. You must be patient.
What? There is no time for patience.
The Bloodwolf is coming at any time, and I need the Goodsword to defeat him.
I... eh...
Well, it is getting late. Perhaps we should set up camp?
Do you think the Goodsword is ready to be wielded yet?
I don't think so.
How about now?
I don't think so. It's awfully soon, Puss.
Not soon enough! And soon, perhaps, it shall be too late.
Puss, I'm sure the Goodsword will say when he's ready.
You don't need to go out of your way to impress the Goodsword.
He just needs some time.
You're right, Dulcinea.
This firewood is a poor substitute for a Goodsword. He is likely ready now.
Oh, that's not what I... Oh, and he's gone.
♪ So lift your blade be not afraid We'll make them see our point ♪
It's always good to end a song laughing.
Oh, my friend. Do you know who taught me that old song?
Oh, was it Baron Leithauser?
It was Baron Leithauser. That old arrow-slinger.
Arrows are ridiculous!
I know, right? What are they wearing, feathers?
Give me a good old sword any day.
Whom are you calling old?
I love it!
Amigos! I am glad we are all having such a grand time.
All of us!
So, what humorous stories are we telling?
None you would understand.
Maybe if you told them to me, I would understand.
There will be no humorous stories for you, Puss in the Boots!
El Moco!
Yes! And I will have my revenge.
Puss in the Boots, I have followed you through this endless forest.
I have modeled this little Voodoo doll in your likeness.
And now...
...you die.
Oh.
Huh? Uh...
You cannot hurt tiny, upsetting, cloth Puss,
just as you cannot hurt me.
Goodsword, let us show this villain who is boss.
I'm not in the mood.
Then observe a master swordsman in action.
Look at this, the Segovian Swoop!
The Triple Toledo Stab!
Oh, do something!
All right. My friend, what do you say we join forces?
Oh!
Is this what we're doing? Very well.
It is, as they say, on!
Who says that?
Huh?
Ya-ha!
Ginger.
Yes. The Goodsword has imbued me with strength,
even greater than my normally very impressive strength.
Yes, indeed. But, um, should you not have tied up your enemy?
You basically helped him escape. I mean, only basically.
He would not dare face Puss and the Goodsword again.
Together, no one can stop us.
Goody, goody gumdrops.
Get off me! Get off me!
It is over. I will never defeat Puss in the Boots
now that he has a magic sword.
Oh, never say never.
Hello, big fella. How would you like some...
incredible power?
This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
I made it. Now it's time to be welcomed by an adoring and appreciative public.
Not so fast!
Hello, children.
I'm here on official business to help save San Lorenzo.
Now run me a bath.
You think we was born yesterday?
I kinda was.
Lady, I may not be old enough to know where babies come from
but I do know you're a villain and we're the ones protecting San Lorenzo.
Junior Puss Squad, go!
Now, listen here.
Oh, I have one! How many shields does it take to light a candle?
Oh, I know this. This is a good one.
Hey! Stop it. We are doing a thing!
What is the most fearsome foe you have battled, El Guante Blanco?
The most fearsome foe I ever faced was an invisible werewolf.
Sounds more like a "where is he" wolf!
You get it? Because he could not see him.
Well done!
He was there! In front of me.
In battle with me. Just, eh, invisible. I fought him mightily.
Oh. Sure you did.
Very good, Ginger.
I was very good. I still am.
Hello, Pussy-Gato!
Did you miss me?
Oh, you again. Hello.
Say hello to my scary, curved amigo!
Oh, darn.
To me, Goodsword. Please?
Goodsword!
Quickly, El Guante Blanco. Take my hilt.
I must defeat that Scimitar once and for all.
No, amigo. Go. Help Ginger. It means a lot to him.
Fine. Tally-ho, Puss!
- Huh? - Huh?
Goodsword! I will prove once and for all how we belong hilt in paw!
Goodsword. My, you're looking tarnished.
I see you've found another patsy to corrupt.
Looks like you've driven off the Thriffith with your incessant nagging.
Suggesting areas for improvement is not nagging.
You're doing it wrong. Listen to me!
No! You listen to me!
I'm so glad we don't fight.
Me too.
Now duck!
Are you trying to get me killed?
I told you to duck! Stop fighting with me and fight with me.
You are as stubborn and headstrong as El Guante Blanco.
- In fact, you two are much alike. - Watch out!
Puss!
Go team!
Are you all right?
No. As great a swordsman as I may be...
I am not the man for this sword... or the cat.
I know what I must do.
- Puss in the Boots! Time to die! - Wah!
I am sorry, Goodsword. I let my ego blind me to the truth.
You should be with El Guante Blanco!
Hello, my friend.
El Moco! You will rue this day! Rue it!
Really, Goodsword? Two swordsmen in one day?
My, you do get around.
Oh, you're a fine one to talk. You'll have any fist that will take you.
Come, my friend. To glory!
Lead the way, amigo!
No!
Huh?
Run.
I accept your terms.
And, as for you...
Put me down!
Gladly.
No!
I am sorry, everyone. I got carried away.
It is the first time this has ever happened.
You two are perfect for each other.
Thank you, Ginger.
Um, not to be "that cat," but maybe we should hide the Scimitar?
Somewhere no one can find it and get turned evil and kill us?
Do not be silly. Who could find an evil weapon
here in the middle of the wide open desert?
Now, to San Lorenzo!
Everyone off for San Lorenzo. Next stop, Wonderland.
J.K., guys, this is the only stop or whatever.
San Lorenzo! It is so good to be...
Tickle torture! Tickle torture!
Children! Children!
Neither tickle nor torture the Duchess.
She's an evil lunatic, Puss!
Yes, but she is going to help us in the fight against the Bloodwolf.
So, for now, she is our evil lunatic.
That's the sweetest thing anyone ever said to me. Which is sad, really.
Golem climbed up. Golem sweaty now.
So! For our team, we have the heart, the sword...
the muscle, the magic,
the giant cat-bird thing.
Mm-kay, excuse me, that sounded a little judgey.
Sorry. And, me, the leader.
Everyone, action pose!
Now, we need a name. A really good name.
How about, "The Action Defense Gang"?
No. "People Punching People"? Hm...
"The Allies of Amazing Ability." No.
"The Wonderful Walloping Warriors"? No.
"The Kings of Keister Kicking"?
No. Come on, Puss, think, think, think!
You have the soul of a poet. You can do this!
Ah... "The Momentous Melee Mob"?
"The..." Should these rhyme? Like, "Dream Team" or something?
Or, "The Grand Band of the Final Stand."
There is a slight possibility that I am overthinking this.
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