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[cat purrs, meows]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing]
[screams]
[giggles]
[Puss yowling] El Gato!
[yowls]
3x09 - King Pickles
[snoring]
[all shouting] Happy Birthday!
[blows off-key notes]
[strumming guitar] # It is a happy birthday for you #
♪ Because making you happy Is what birthdays do ♪
Ah, you're gettin' boot stompin's all over the place!
I apologize. I love birthdays.
Well, you can have mine. I ain't interested.
What! Kid Pickles rejects his birthday? This I cannot allow.
Kid Pickles. Hi, hello, Puss in Boots, from earlier?
Surely you cannot mean the bad things you say about your birthday.
[groans]
I'll say it again in case your ears are broke.
I hate birthdays!
But you must love birthdays. [sighs]
Your friends give you presents and cake. And you smile all of the day.
You know, your face goes... It is like... Why are you not smiling?
Well...
For one, the food at birthday parties always stinks.
Yuck.
And people are always shoutin'...
Surprise!
[Kid Pickles] Not to mention, I never got a good gift, not once.
Happy birthday! Now sweep.
And that's why I decided, I hate my birthday.
And I ain't never gonna like nothin' about it never again.
[sighs]
I take this as a personal challenge.
You are going to love your birthday!
[chuckles]
I have an idea.
[sighs]
[Puss hums casually]
[clears throat]
[coughing]
Kid Pickles. [clears throat]
Oh! Kid Pickles. [chuckles]
What good luck that you would happen by.
Blah.
Oh. Anyway, I was just about to go and look around the treasure house.
Join me? [giggles]
After you.
[sighs] It ain't like today could get any worser.
[both squeal softly]
It's working!
Shh, shh, shh.
[sarcastically] Oh, would you look at all the treasures.
Yes, look! An actual, ancient document that we have accidentally found.
Read it, Kid Pickles.
"And lo there was once a mighty king of San Lorenzo..."
Oh, my! That is where we are!
"And should his descendants return to San Lorenzo, they would be the king.
And they would look like...
this."
[stammers] But... that's me!
Your Highness.
Behold, your king!
[everyone] All hail King Pickles!
[blows off-key notes] [everyone cheering]
Me? King of San Lorenzo?
Your Highness, why not make some kingly proclamations?
Ooh. Like stuff I say and everybody has to do?
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.
[everyone] Yay!
[man] Woohoo!
And as my Royal Sergeant at Arms,
whose job it is to protect the king, me, I name...
Please be me. Please be me.
- [Kid Pickles] Puss in Boots! - Ha, ha, ha!
- It feels good to win. - Aw.
I will serve and protect you, Your Majesty.
I swear it upon my sword.
You better. [laughing]
[all laughing nervously]
[laughing]
And as my Royal Alchemist, I name...
[muttering] Please be me. Please be me.
- [Kid Pickles] Artephius! - What?
- No! - Yay! What's an alchemist?
- Argh! - [Kid Pickles] And you!
Oh, I know. Royal Educator. Or...
Court jester!
What?
It is so decreed.
Remember, Dulcinea, and all who are not absolutely thrilled
with their new royal positions...
we are, all of us, under royal,
and birthday, obligation to make the king happy.
But...
What would please thee now, King Pickles?
Well...
Let the royal wrasslin' match begin!
[everyone cheering]
[shouting] Kung fu!
Oof!
[everyone cheering] Yay!
Yay... [groaning]
[laughing]
Oh! Ooh! [grunts] [continues laughing]
[groans]
[continues laughing]
[both laughing nervously]
Ha, ha, ha!
Woohoo!
[both laughing and shouting]
[both] Woo-hoo!
Huh?
[gasps] [laughing]
Yee-haw!
Royal ride!
[Kid Pickles] Jump, horsey!
Huh?
[sighs]
[laughing manically]
[Puss] To a job well done.
We have successfully given Kid Pickles a most excellent birthday.
It feels good seeing him smile.
He always just mopes around like...
[mimicking Kid Pickles] "I ain't never happy about nothin'!"
He, he. You should work that into your jester act.
[Dulcinea] Is it just me, though, or does it seem like lately
all of our plans blows up in our faces?
[Puss chuckling] Yes, but it always works out well.
Tomorrow will end the reign of King Pickles.
Oh, good.
[Dulcinea] I'm sure he won't cause any trouble before then.
[Puss chuckling] What could go wrong?
[Puss and Dulcinea laughing]
[humming]
[gasps]
Huh?
[rumbling]
[laughing manically]
Whoa!
[laughing]
[Kid Pickles shouting] Now I'll be king forever!
[Puss humming]
Permission to approach, my lord.
Permission granted.
So, Kid Pickles... Ow!
King Pickles.
Yes...
King.
Your reign has been an overwhelming success.
In fact, it has been so successful that perhaps now it is time to go back
to the way things were before you were king?
[Kid Pickles] What?
No way, Joe.
This king gig's the best thing to ever happen to me.
I'm never steppin' down. Never!
Well, I did not want to be the one to tell you this but...
Hold that thought.
Huh?
Oh, my gosh.
- Meet my royal pickle guards. - What?
They're like an army.
Made outta pickles.
I conjured 'em up last night using forbidden dark magic.
It was pretty messed up.
Wait! I thought I was your Royal Sergeant at Arms.
Yeah, well, my pickle guards will destroy anyone
who tries to take my throne away.
Whoa!
So I'm sorry, you were saying?
Who remembers? Heh.
I, uh... will be right back.
Very nice to meet you.
You especially seem very nice. Goodbye.
And goodbye. Nice spear, goodbye.
[doors clang shut]
Puss thinks he's gonna take away my kingdom.
They all do.
That's not gonna happen.
[chuckles manically]
[girl laughing]
Hm...
[gasping]
Ha, ha... Huh?
Secure the town.
Ha! [laughing]
Hey!
Whoa! Pickles!
Giant pickles!
[all screaming]
[whistling]
What are we gonna do?
All that fake power you gave the wee Pickle laddie has gone to his real head.
His pickle guards have turned the orphanage into a barracks.
We have to fix this!
[Kid Pickles] Well, well, well.
What unbriny behavior takes place here?
He, he.
Kid Pickles, this has gone far enough!
You cannot behave this way.
Power... [grunts]
...has pickled your mind!
Pickle guards! Throw these agitators in the hole!
What? You cannot do that!
It would seem that we are in a bit of a...
pickle.
[sighs]
I had to say it.
That's a good kitty.
[Kid Pickles] All right, Pickles, listen up, listen up.
We gots to figure out how to grow this kingdom.
Let's hear some ideas.
You guys ain't got much in the way of thinkin' muscles, have ya?
[door opening]
Hey, Kid Pickles!
Vina found a really gross bug. Wanna come poke it with a stick?
Oh, poor, simple Toby.
You know not the woes of a king.
So...
yes?
No. I'd love to, kid, but I gotta expand my empire.
Oh. Neat.
See, I ain't gonna be able to invade surrounding lands
because we're on top of a statue.
Which means we only got one direction to go.
Up? [gasps]
To unicorn heaven?
Why are we friends? Down!
To the kingdom of the mole creeps.
We'll defeat them in battle
and claim their land as part of San Lorenzo.
But... But...
But the mole people are our friends.
Uh, Kid Pickles, that's wrong.
[Artephius plays tune on horn]
[grunts] Ah! King Pickles has gone nuts and he's gonna invade the mole kingdom
and he took my drum!
My drum!
Oh, my!
This is very bad. The moles are fearsome warriors.
Sort of.
Certainly they are more fearsome than our child dictator.
Aye. The little gherkin will certainly die in battle.
We have to stop him before he goes down there.
Yeah, but how are we gonna do that when we're stuck in here?
[blows off-key notes]
We must escape! It will have to be a daring plan.
And clever. And flashy.
Requiring intricate planning, careful thought, and...
And that thing Toby just did.
[bell tolling]
[Kid Pickles singing] # This is the life #
♪ Sitting on a fancy throne ♪
♪ With no friends left ♪
What? Whoa! Oof!
Hey, Kid Pickles.
What is the meaning of this?
We have escaped in order to stop you from marching on the mole people.
It would be calamitous!
Well, you're too late.
My pickles are already on their way.
No! Kid Pickles!
King Pickles!
No, you are Kid Pickles, my friend.
And it is because you are my friend that I tricked you
into thinking that you were a king.
To make you happy on your birthday.
Not king? Ha, ha!
This kitty's gone cuckoo in the coconut.
Of course I'm the king.
[sighs] [Kid Pickles] Hey!
How could this be hundreds of years old
if it is written on a menu from Pajuna's cantina?
[gasps]
So it's true. I ain't no king.
I'm just a boy full of brine. Pickled with power.
I am sorry, Kid Pickles.
But believe me, we only did this because we care about you.
We just wanted to give you a happy birthday for once.
You lied to me!
[sobbing] You all lied to me!
That is... the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me!
I mean, any clown can tell a lie, but this was a doozy of a whopper!
And I thanked you by raising an army.
Ugh. Some friend I am.
I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
Yes, yes. All is forgiven and some sort of lesson has been learned.
Perhaps something about teamwork.
Now, we must hurry.
If those pickle guards reach the moles before we do, we will all be doomed!
Maybe Artephius can turn them back into regular pickles.
Where is Artephius?
[humming]
Ooh! You dance divinely, mon chair. [growls]
We do not have time for this.
To the mole kingdom!
[gasps] Whoa!
This is crazy!
It's like they're people but made out of pickles.
I'm freakin' out here!
I'm freakin' out!
[mole people clamoring]
Holy smokes!
Pickle guards! I command you to stop!
Hey! I said stop! Whoa! Oof!
Oh, this is all my fault.
Don't be silly, laddie. It's also Puss's fault.
[chuckles] Let us not argue about whose fault it is or is not.
We must fight!
[gasps] Wait. I got another think.
It's time for one more proclamation.
[Kid Pickles] Do you know what time it is?
It's pickle eating time!
Yay!
Ugh. I'd rather die in battle.
[grunting]
[Toby shouting]
[Toby munching]
What the... what?
Now the cat and his friends are eating the pickle people?
This is, like, the weirdest day ever!
Mole King!
Stop fighting them and start eating them!
Whatever you say, weirdo.
Oh my gosh, they're delicious!
It's like a cucumber died at sea and came back for revenge!
Ha!
[all munching]
[retches]
[shouting]
[mooing]
[shouting]
[munching]
[burps]
[grunts] I am proud of you, Kid... [retches]
Kid... [retches]
Pickles.
You were very brave down there.
[retches]
Ye must've eaten a hundred pounds of that vile stuff, laddie.
Aw, shucks. Huh? [horn tooting]
[everyone] Happy Birthday!
Oh... [sniffles]
Thanks, you guys!
So, uh, who wants a pickle?
[all retching]
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