Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com
(Woman reading)
Ravi, local meteorologists are calling
this fog's condensation density unprecedented!
I know! This is the most exciting thing to happen at camp
since the bathroom stalls got doors.
I never knew you shared my interest in studying extreme weather events.
Absolutely. Back home I even started a club named, "Best Friends for Weather."
Or, it will be called that, once I get a second member.
If anybody needs me, I'll be out picking up food for the week.
Let me guess, because of the fog, the highway will become roadkill buffet?
No, wise guy, because of the fog,
the cops can't see me dumpster diving behind Julio's Dim Sum Palace.
(Laughing)
Well, that would explain why there were rats in last week's Chinese food.
So that's why my spring roll winked at me.
♪ Here we go
♪ We're leaving the city behind right now
♪ Let's gather by the campfire light
♪ And sing this song
All: ♪ Kikiwaka
♪ Hanging out with someone new
♪ Then falling out of a camp canoe
♪ What's that smell? It's on your shoe
All: ♪ Kikiwaka
♪ Got a s'more in my hair
♪ Mosquitos in our underwear
♪ Shower's broke but we don't care
All: ♪ Kikiwaka
♪ This is our home away from home away from home away from home
♪ But watch your back A bear just ate my phone
All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka
All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪
Okay.
I set up the aneroid barometer and gravimetric hygrometer in the fog.
I also took a pee-pee.
Ravi, we talked about oversharing.
Hey, guys. Since we're fogged in,
we're all going to "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."
That game seems a bit juvenile.
Oh, it's not a game.
Our donkey, Julia, lost her tail in a tractor accident.
Look, this macrame tail we made for her
is really gonna make her feel whole again.
Whoa! I just checked the chemical composition of the fog.
The domoic acid level is off the charts!
Lou, do you speak Tiffany?
Sorry, science isn't my thing.
My high school only offered two subjects, Plow Repair and Horse Whisperin'.
Domoic acid is a debilitating neurotoxin.
If it makes its way into our blood streams,
it will cause the cells in our brains to degenerate.
I'm just hearing a lot of blah-blah-blah.
Obviously, brain cell degeneration wouldn't have much effect on you,
but for the rest of us, it would be deleterious!
Bad.
But how could such a dangerous chemical make its way into a fog?
Domoic acid is a by-product of algae, which our lake is filled with.
(Sighs) The acid must have evaporated with the water when the fog formed,
creating this dangerous toxic colloid!
So, that's a "no" on Pin the Tail on the Donkey?
This fog is making my skin so moist!
It hasn't been this vibrant since I went to Namibia
for that rhinoceros milk facial!
Emma, how long were you out there?
In Namibia? Just a day.
I had the facial, bought a diamond mine, then hopped back on Daddy's G6.
Ravi meant, how long were you in the fog?
Oh, just an hour or so.
(Winces) Wow, I'm starting to get a headache.
That could be a symptom that domoic acid has invaded your cerebral cortex.
On the bright side, her skin really does look great.
Aw.
How long will Emma's headache last?
Hard to say.
Depending on her exposure to the domoic acid,
the damage to her brain could be permanent.
(Gasps) Forget about my brain, that acid won't damage my hair color, will it?
Emma, this could affect you for the rest of your life.
This is serious!
Just because she has a headache doesn't necessarily mean the fog is toxic.
Um, Lou, the science is indisputable.
Oh, please, science is wrong all the darn time. For example...
Hold your cowboy hats.
It's about to get country in here.
The Meckel-Serres Conception of Recapitulation Law
was totally disproven by modern bio-geneticists.
That's... True.
How the heck did you know that?
Professor Clyde covered it in Horse Whisperin'.
(Winces) Ow, I have a headache.
You already told us.
Told you what? That you have headache!
Whoa, spooky! How did you know that?
Oh, no! The neurotoxin must be causing Emma to suffer short-term memory loss.
(Scoffs) I have not lost my memory!
Did I mention I have a headache?
Xander, aren't you worried about the fog?
Tiffany and Ravi think it's dangerous.
They also thought there were rats in the spring rolls,
but those things were delicious.
Guys, I have a headache, like Emma.
Didn't you say you were out in the fog earlier?
Yes, I'm afraid the domoic acid has penetrated the neurons in my brain.
Headaches can be caused by lots of things, including this conversation.
Yo, son! Who you think you callin' out?
(Chuckling) What are you doing, Ravi?
The name's R-Money!
Don't makes me brings da ruckus!
The fog must have scrambled his brain.
Hilarious, but I'm not buying it.
(Scoffing) I don't need y'all sweating me.
I'm ghost.
You know what, guys? I have a... Both: We know!
(Scoffs) Rude.
We need to get Emma help.
Yo, it's your boy, R-Money! Believe dat!
Oh. Hi, Ravi.
I be R-Money. Don't get it twisted.
R-Money, the hardest gangsta in pleated shorts and sandals.
Why is Ravi talking like that?
He must be in a fugue state. This is alarming!
The domoic acid clearly has a detrimental effect
on the neurological function of the frontal lobe.
English, Tiffany. English.
(Sighs) It gave Emma amnesia.
While in Ravi, it's affecting his sense of personal identity.
Hi, Ravi! When did you get here?
Girl, you just saw me stroll up in this piece.
Oh, hi, Ravi! When did you get here?
Okay, yo, what's with shorty?
She's straight trippin', nah-I-mean?
No, we don't "nah-you-mean."
I can't believe this is really happening.
We need to get help.
We have to find Murphy, so he can drive them to a hospital.
I'll go tell Xander what's going on.
Remember, when you go into the fog, be sure to hold your breath.
You don't want to end up like Emma and Ravi.
Like me?
Please, ain't no one got swag like R-Money.
I know you feel it, baby girl.
Get out of my cabin.
(Both inhale deeply)
Where is Murphy?
(Coughs) S'up, boo?
You lookin' nice enough to be my ride or die.
Tiffany, we need to get Ravi an ambulance.
Is he getting worse?
He's about to, if he keeps it up.
What's going on?
Zuri told me to get here as fast as I could.
Oh, hi, Xander!
Oh, your shirt's missing a button.
Okay.
Hi, Xander!
Your shirt's missing a button.
The neurotoxin in the fog has compromised Emma's short-term memory.
Homegirl done lost her mind. (Chuckles)
For reals.
I see R-Money is still in the house.
Xander, Emma and Ravi's brains really are messed up.
So is yours, if you believe them.
They're pranking us.
Or trying to, because I'm not buying a word they say.
My word is bond, son!
(Squawking)
What's happened to Jorge?
(Parrot voice) Jorge. Jorge. What's happened to Jorge?
(Squawking)
Oh, no! The damage to his frontal lobe
seems to have induced a case of Avianthropy!
(Chuckles) Oh, please. Jorge thinks he's a bird?
Do you guys really think I'm that stupid?
Stupid. Stupid. (Squawking)
Zuri, you weren't holding your breath out there?
Why would I hold my breath when I have all this beautiful fog to breath in?
And I got to hug four dead squirrels on my way over here!
Why do you sound so happy?
I'm always happy!
Lou, Xander, have I ever thanked you for being...
Well, just the best darn counselors ever?
Zuri is complimenting us?
She's been fogged!
Guy, I just came from town!
Everyone's infected by some weird fog that's making people crazy!
The mayor thinks he's a lobster!
Wait, what?
So, this fog really is toxic?
I can't believe this is actually happening!
Oh, it's happening, all right.
Anyone who breathes that stuff goes totally oyster crackers.
(Squawking) Crackers! Crackers! Jorge wants a cracker!
Dang, girl! Is the circus in town? (Chuckles)
(Squawking) Pretty bird. Pretty bird.
Yes, you are!
You're the prettiest bird ever!
(Squawking) Thank you.
Murphy, you need to drive them to the hospital!
Or the vet.
In what? My motor scooter only seats one.
(Sighs) This is horrible!
Seriously. A grown man driving a motor scooter is tragic.
Ugh! What are we going to do?
Well, the first thing we should do
is tape the door and windows to keep the fog out.
(Squawks) Fog out! Fog out! Fog out!
I know where the first piece of tape is going.
(Muffled squawks)
Rip, you stupid tape!
(Glass shatters) Aw, son of a billfish!
Murphy, you didn't breathe in any of the fog, did you?
It's all right.
I ain't scared of no fog.
I've got... I've got tough lungs.
I've been breathin' in boat exhaust for decades,
and I don't cough up any more blood and mucus than the average Joe.
(Coughing)
Excuse me, miss, who is that guy?
Oh, that's Murphy, our five-star chef.
No, I meant that guy. He's cute.
I wonder if he has a girlfriend.
I do!
Oh, darn.
No, it's you!
Emma, don't you remember me?
Emma? Who's Emma?
(Gasping) Oh, this is bad!
Her short-term memory loss has turned into full-blown amnesia.
We need to call for someone!
The phones are down.
How does fog knock out phones?
It doesn't. Gladys not paying the bill does.
Then, somehow, we need to get to the next town for help.
I'll go. I'm the adult. Plus, I have the scooter.
Although, then again, maybe I shouldn't go.
Driving my scooter in this fog might be dangerous, since the bell's broken.
However, I could drive very slowly and yell "ding-ding-ding!"
(Laughing) But, that's dumb.
Although, it might work.
Oh, no!
Murphy is displaying classic symptoms of Hamlet Disease,
a mental condition that manifests itself in crippling indecisiveness.
Are you sure? Yes. Watch.
Hey, Murphy, which flavor ice cream do you like best, chocolate or vanilla?
Vanilla. No, wait, chocolate.
(Gasps) Geez, I don't know.
I mean, the classic simplicity of vanilla is delicious.
However, the rich fullness of chocolate...
He's a goner.
Xander, Lou, you guys have to go for help!
I don't want to go out into a poisonous fog!
Me neither!
Well, I have to stay here.
All right? My sweetie needs her Xander!
Hey guy, your whatcha-ma-callit is missing a round thingy.
Okay, I'll go.
A'ight then. That'll give me a chance to spit some game to this dime piece.
Yeah, I'm goin' too.
(Sighs) Tiffany can mind the cuckoos.
(Squawks) Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
Ugh, he ate his tape.
Let's go! Yeah.
Wait. Before you go out in that fog, you'll need top of the line protection.
This is top of the line?
You could've at least given us unused trash bags.
Hey, I'm trying to save your lives here!
Now, these masks will filter the neurotoxin from the air.
How?
I used Murphy's French toast as a filter.
He burns that stuff so badly, the crust is basically charcoal.
Glad I could help.
Or, did I? (Gasps) I don't know.
(Sighs) All right, Xander, let's do this.
Emma, can I get a farewell, good luck kiss?
But I don't have any lipstick on.
And I don't even know you.
(Laughs) You got clowned by a clown, son!
And finally, we need to fill your suits with creamed corn.
Creamed corn? Why do you need to do that?
Scientifically speaking, there is a chemical in the...
Just fill us up.
Ugh!
Okay, that is not a pleasant sensation.
You could've at least warmed it up first!
(Sniffs)
Here, you'll need these mackerel, too.
No! I refuse to put fish down my pants.
Silly, it's not for your pants.
It's to suck on in case your suit rips.
See, the omega three fatty acids
will help defend your brains from the domoic...
Just give us the ding-dang fish!
Yo, good luck out there.
Respect, dawg.
(Squishing) (Grunts)
Good luck, girl in garbage bag.
(Squishing)
And hurry back.
Actually, don't hurry, 'cause you could get hurt.
Although, if you don't hurry, we could die.
On the other hand, slow and steady does win the race.
Got it. We'll go slow, but fast.
Xander: It's so hard to see through this mask.
I have no sense of direction.
Lou: What's your excuse when you're not wearing a mask?
(Both gasp)
What? Oh, no!
We're breathing in fog!
Quick, suck on the fish!
(Both grunting)
Ugh, this is disgusting! This better work!
(All laughing)
Oh, it worked.
It worked perfectly!
Huh? What is going on?
You just got pranked. And pranked hard!
Booyah!
That's what you get for pranking us last summer.
Hashtag, we owned you!
I can't believe we fell for that!
I told you it was a prank!
Says the guy who just sucked the guts out of a mackerel.
You fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Yo, we flipped the script on dat...
We're done, R-Money. Prank's over.
Oh, and don't throw out that corn. I need it for lunch tomorrow.
Okay, okay, you got us.
Very impressive.
Especially this fake fog, it looks so real.
It is real.
We were just going to tie your shoe laces together,
but when we heard the fog was rolling in,
we decided an airborne neurotoxin was the obvious way to go.
It was all my idea.
Was not! Was so!
Then spell neurotoxin.
Or fog.
Okay, but I came up with the bird thing.
Of course. You both have the brain size of a peanut,
And you both poop on newspaper. (Laughs)
One time!
(All laughing)
Jorge, you coming inside?
No. Your comment hurt my feelings, so I'm waiting here until I get my apology.
Okay. See ya.
I have to admit, Ravi, you were brilliant.
I had no idea you knew so much hip-hop slang.
I am from the mean streets of Manhattan.
Plus, I enjoy the gritty, hardcore sounds of T. Swift.
Kids, you gotta hear what they're saying on the radio!
Man: (Over radio) Hey, it's nectarine season, down at Renfro's produce!
Oh, thanks, Murphy! Fresh nectarines are the best.
That's a commercial.
I mean, there's this really weird ground fog rolling in,
and they're saying it's dangerous. Listen.
Infected areas include Aroostook, Penobscot, and Moose Rump counties.
That's us!
A quarantine has been imposed and all roads are closed.
This dangerous fog carries a parasite.
It causes severe welts, then adrenaline-fueled,
highly aggressive behavior and, eventually, death.
And now to Happy Sandburg, with sports.
(Laughs) Nice try, guys.
But you're not gonna prank us again.
(Helicopter whirring)
Wow, a military helicopter?
You guys are really going all out to sell this.
Xander, Lou, I promise you, this is not a prank!
Which is exactly what you'd say if you were pranking us.
Man: (On bullhorn) Warning!
Stay indoors! Do not breathe the fog!
Repeat, do not breathe the fog!
(Laughs) I still don't believe it!
How can we convince you?
Uh, Jorge, what's with your face?
(Deep voice) That's it!
I've had with your insults!
(Grunts)
(All gasp)
Severe welts...
Adrenaline-fueled, highly aggressive behavior.
He's got the parasite!
Okay, not a prank!
Why did this have to happen during nectarine season?
(All screaming)
(Growling)
This tape should hold him.
It's strong enough to hold the lights to the ceiling.
(All gasp)
Maybe I'll do an extra layer.
(Growling)
So, if Jorge has this parasite, can we catch it from being near him?
According to the CDC,
there is not enough water content in our breath to sustain the parasite.
It needs a host, or the humidity of the fog.
So, no.
That's all I was looking for, a simple yes or no.
You must breathe fog!
Why is Jorge trying to get us to breathe in the fog?
The parasite must have an inherent need to find new hosts,
in order to replicate!
Any chance his sudden deep voice and pimples are just puberty?
Unlikely. At his age, the hypothalamus and entire endocrine system...
Yes or no?
(Growling)
No.
(All gasp)
(Grunts) (All gasp)
(Loud thud)
Run! I'll try to hold him off!
Run where? If we go out in that fog, we'll catch the parasite!
We have no choice! Hold your breath!
I can do that. I share a bathroom with Jorge.
(All screaming)
(All gasp)
Xander: They're all infected!
Emma: Murphy, help!
(Growling) (Yells)
(Deep voice) Time to breath in the fog!
Get them!
Emma, if you don't make it through this and I do,
I don't want you to waste your life mourning me. Live.
Find a great guy. Someone who loves you the way...
I get it! Now help me hold this door closed, so we both don't die!
So, on the off chance I make it and you don't,
I assume you'd want me to feel free to...
Mourn you forever. Got it.
(Both scream)
You must breathe fog.
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
If this has to happen, at least we're in each other's arms, Dayna.
Dayna? Who's Dayna?
(Stammers) Emma. I said Emma.
No, you didn't.
All: (In deep voice) You must breathe fog!
Zuri, go hide in the bathroom!
You mean, Zuri and Ravi.
No, Zuri is a camper.
We have a responsibility to protect her.
You mean you have a responsibility.
You are a counselor, and I am just a lowly CIT.
Come on, Zuri, let's go cower in the bathroom.
By the power vested in me, I now declare you a counselor!
While honored, I must humbly decline this well-deserved,
but poorly timed promotion.
Since we agree that I'm being protected, I'm getting my butt in the bathroom.
Ravi: Please, do not hurt me! Take the girl!
Lou: Ravi, you pathetic, little... (Screaming)
(Door closes)
(Gasps)
Tiffany, thank goodness!
Where is everyone else? Are they okay?
They're gone. They're all gone.
Come on, we have to get out of here!
No! Let me help you...
(Gasps)
Breathe in the fog!
(Screams)
So that's my scary fog story.
What do you think?
(All laughing)