sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
[cat purrs, meows]
[fast, lively flamenco music playing]
[screams]
[giggles]
[Puss yowling] El Gato!
[yowls]
4x03 - Fluteus Maximus
[somber music playing]
[The Duchess] I don't like it. I don't like it! I don't like it!
This horrible, unsettling witch place.
It reminds me of something, but I can't remember what!
[yells] I can't remember!
[shushing]
[gasps] [all scream]
[thudding]
The third witch.
[door unlocks] [all gasp]
[door creaking]
[faint whispering echoes]
Puss, wait.
Dulcinea, we need the last piece of the gem. For San Lorenzo.
[Artephius groans]
Burning candles and an open window.
Clearly, these clues can mean only one thing.
The third witch is invisible.
Oh. Umm...
Or she heard us coming and escaped through that window.
[chuckles] Yes. Yes, yes. This is possible too, I suppose.
But you agree that she is probably invisible, yes?
Actually, I think she probably went out through the window.
Oh. But surely you believe...
Window.
Ah.
Very well. We will entertain your wild notion this time.
You might turn out to be right, Puss.
Who knows? Things aren't always what they seem.
Especially when witchcraft and magic are involved.
Hey, maybe that's why you feel so uneasy, Duchy. Duchy?
So, should we leave and go follow that third witch now? Should we leave?
Let's leave and go do that.
Oh, don't worry, Duchess. We're almost done here.
This is true. We have only one witch left.
But which witch?
[laughs]
Which witch?
I have amused myself once again.
Which witch, which witch, which witch, which witch, which witch-witch.
[flute playing in the distance]
[barks]
Huh? [Dulcinea and The Duchess gasp]
[barking]
[barks, growls]
[panting, barking]
[growls, barks]
Woof!
[all yelling] Puss!
I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken town crier here,
but I can't tell you how incredibly unsettling I find this place.
[enchanting flute music playing]
Can you hear it? What beautiful music!
[Puss barking]
[barking, growling]
[whimpers]
[barking]
[barks, whimpers]
What is this? I cannot stop.
This is the most humiliating thing I can think of.
[Dulcinea] Puss, are you all right?
Look away! Look away!
[flute continues] Oh, the music! Can you hear it?
I told you, this place is evil! It will destroy us all!
Oh, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it.
This is the worst! This is... [barks]
...the worst!
This music, it's entrancing!
[Puss grunting] [The Duchess panting]
Oh, now, I'm dancing over here.
Oh, and now, I'm dancing over here.
Hey, I'm the crazy one.
You're stealing my act! I can do crazy better than anyone!
[Artephius hooting]
[enchanting flute music continues]
[chuckling] Oh, yeah, that's real good. [laughs]
I'm gonna have my revenge on you, kitty brother man.
[grunting, growling]
Why am I doing this?
Even if I had an itch there, which I do not,
this would not help in the least.
Hey, make him squawk and say he wants a cracker.
Who is that woman? And why does she look so familiar?
Well, well. It's, like, the San Lorenzo crew.
It's the Piper. She's got a flute that controls bees,
except now it apparently controls Puss.
Figured you'd just trespass through my realm, huh?
We didn't mean to disturb you, Miss Piper.
You see, we're looking for the third Eldritch sister.
You found her, kitty babe.
Some call me the Piper, but the real handle's Maliflua.
Youngest Eldritch sister and controller of all beasts.
Including cats.
Here, boy. Be a good watchdog and attack!
[growling, barking]
[all shriek] [Artephius and The Duchess grunt]
[groans]
[growling] [Dulcinea grunts]
[Dulcinea straining]
Puss!
Puss, it's the music. Try to block it out!
[groans] I cannot.
It is like she is playing her vile tune directly into my soul!
Then let's get that flute away from her once and for all!
[grunts]
[Puss barks]
[screams]
[grunts]
- I have been freed. What a relief! - [Dulcinea] Watch out!
[flute music continues] My relief is short-lived. [grunts]
[Dulcinea] She's controlling me now.
For someone whom I like quite a lot,
I find myself battling you much more than I would care to.
It's really becoming a thing with us, isn't it?
[grunts]
But I can't help it. She's controlling me.
Let us start by...
[flute music ceases] Yah-ha!
There. Now we shall see what...
[flute music resumes] Whoa-oh. My turn.
[both grunting]
Are we just going to sit here and watch while they battle each other?
You're right! We ought to get a turn on that flute.
Hmm. Never been great at musical instruments.
- [Puss] Huh? - Give me my flute back, old dude!
Do you have to wind it up or what?
Artephius, you have saved us!
En garde, evil practitioner of flute-based mayhem!
[Artephius plays flute] [Puss] Whoa!
[grunts]
Must you?
Oh, sorry. Carry on.
You think I'm only packing one flute, kitty brother man? Think again.
You have two flutes that control cats?
Like, no way. Each flute controls a different creature. Observe.
[slow, enchanting melody]
[all whimpering]
[giggles]
They are like eensy-teensy little kisses.
I knew I should've brought the flute that controls dragons.
[chuckles]
Be free, my adorable little butterfly friends.
- And now, Melissa... - Maliflua.
You will hand over your piece of the Gem of the Crown of Souls!
What, that bourgie jewel thing? Grandpa dude's got it.
Who, me? Really? I do? Where?
Not here. No, not here. Say, maybe it's under me.
I'll dig a hole with this flute thing to check.
Also, what are we looking for, again?
[gasps] The third piece of the...
[gasps] Puss, look what I found!
It's the third piece of the Gem of the Crown.
It must've made her flute extra powerful.
Ah.
So that explains how one as strong as myself
could have fallen under its influence.
[chuckles sheepishly]
That dog stuff, eh? Quite a good gag, but probably not worth thinking about
or talking about or even remembering, right?
I have already forgotten literally everything you've ever done.
- Melissa... - Maliflua.
You are about to witness something truly special.
[all] One, two...
I thought we were going on two.
Nobody goes on two.
People with adventure pulsing through their veins go on two!
And three.
[thunder rumbling]
Wait. This isn't the whole gem.
[Puss] Yes, there is still a piece missing.
It's getting kinda spooky around here, right, Duchy?
Uh... Uh... Mama no like. No, no, no. Not for me! Not for me!
[panting]
[sighs]
This does not make any sense.
We have retrieved the three pieces of the gem from the three Eldritch sisters,
visiting each of them in their respective turrets,
of which there are a grand total of...
[thunder crashing] [all shriek]
Four! A fourth turret!
[Piper] Whoa!
There must've been a spell cloaking it. [gasps] It was invisible!
Ha! You see? I knew something would be invisible.
You have tried to hide this fourth turret from us,
and, with it, the final piece of the gem.
Does your treachery know no bounds?
Whoa.
That turret was never there before, man!
I swear. This whole thing's freaking me out big time. I'm gonna bolt!
Aah!
Melissa, you will now lead us to the fourth turret.
No, no! I can't go back in there. No, no, no, no no.
I'll just hang out here with my new friend, Mr. Tree.
There's nothing to be jealous about, they're just friends. Nope, can't do it.
Get away from my lady-friend, Mr. Tree!
[Dulcinea] Duchess, you've been fretting and stressing
ever since we got to this castle, and nothing's gone wrong.
Yes. Besides having a witch attempt to enslave us as her familiars,
having another witch entomb me in a nightmare,
and having this third witch control our actions with an enchanted flute,
this trip has been easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.
There's nothing to be afraid of, Duchess.
Sure, the castle looks spooky, but things aren't always what they seem.
[sighs] Fine. I'll come inside with you.
But if something terrible happens,
I'm going to, A, gloat about it, and B, need you to save me.
Let us go.
Whoa!
See? What did I tell you, kitty brother man? No fourth turret, dig?
Oh, yes, she's right, nothing there. Such a shame. Off we go, then.
Huh?
[gasps]
What is this?
[straining]
Whoa!
Freak show, man.
Queso fuerte! Come, everyone.
Let us find out what awaits through that door.
Duchess?
Ain't nobody here but us suits of armor.
[groans]
[door creaking]
Ooh. This is spooky.
There's no such thing as magic. There's no such thing as magic.
Oh, sure there is. You know that. And this room feels positively full of it.
Not helping, Arty.
Perhaps my eyes deceive me. These are the Eldritch sisters, yes?
Here is Malviola, and, you know, Malaranea. And here's Melissa...
You're not even trying at this point.
But this picture depicts a fourth one.
What? [Dulcinea and Artephius gasp]
[Puss] A fourth Eldritch sister.
A fourth Eldritch sister?
No, no. No, no, no, there's something wrong here.
[screams]
[rattling]
Terribly, terribly wrong. Duchess out!
[grunting]
[gasps, grunts]
[groans]
Enough with these games!
Let us see whose face is hiding beneath this old piece of junk.
[all gasp]
[screams]
[grunts]
Whoa, no, no, no, no.
This is getting real heavy, real fast, man!
[The Duchess screaming]
Uh-oh.
[grunting]
Whoa! [panting]
[chuckles] Duchy, you're doing magic without your soul bottles.
Oh, that's so neat.
It is not neat!
Someone or something is controlling her.
[The Duchess laughs maniacally]
[laughs] You missed again.
[heavy footsteps approaching]
Please do not be something terrible. Please do not be something terrible.
Oh, boy.
[Puss grunting]
[Puss panting]
[screams]
[growls]
Come on, Puss! Stick it to 'em!
I am doing my... Where did you get popcorn? [grunts]
Hmm?
[panting] Whoa.
[laughs maniacally]
Artephius! The wand!
[Artephius] Uh-oh.
[grunting]
[Ducinea gasps] Hmm?
[enchanting flute music playing]
[barking, growling]
[whistles] Puss.
[barks] Puss!
Fetch.
[growling, barking]
Huh? [groaning]
[growls]
Puss?
Puss!
[laughs]
Artephius.
Sorry, Dulcie. I just felt my true voice come out.
Dulcinea, what a truly inspired idea. You have saved the day.
Why, thank you, Puss. You want me to rub your belly?
Very funny.
[The Duchess gasps]
This chamber. That... That wand. I remember!
I remember it all! The curse is broken.
I am Maldonna!
- [Malviola] Maldonna? - [Malaranea] Maldonna?
Like, Maldonna?
Maldonna!
Our sister!
Whoa! You're, like, back!
Sister? The fourth Eldritch sister is you?
But this does not make any sense. For one thing, you are not invisible.
And your name's Maldonna?
I'm so sorry about attacking you. That was the curse controlling me.
What curse?
Let me explain.
When I was a young, beautiful witch,
I decided to cash in on my witchy upbringing.
So I wrote a tell-all book about myself and my sisters.
My sisters were so angry I'd given away all their secrets,
that they placed a curse on our family.
They erased everyone's memory, including mine,
of there having ever been a fourth Eldritch sister.
[chuckles sheepishly]
Yeah, that may have been a bit of an overreaction on our part.
We also took away your ability to do magic.
Malviola!
What? I thought we were in a safe space here.
Besides, it's not like we can't give it back.
You can do that?
Of course. I am a witch.
Ha!
Oh! [laughs]
Ooh, yes!
Now, that, mama likes.
Whoa. You've still got it, sis.
Maldonna, please forgive us.
If we'd known that we'd miss you this much,
we never would have enacted the curse.
Except we didn't even know who we were missing
because the curse made us forget you.
I've missed, like, a vague, you-shaped blur.
And you are that blur, man. You're that blur!
Oh, my dear sisters. I've missed you too. Even if I didn't know it.
Not gonna cry. Not gonna cry.
[Artephius sobbing]
Oh, I just love it when people get their memories back.
Oh, I wish I could forget everything so that I could remember it later.
Oh... [sobs]
And I forgot what I was just talking about.
The last piece of the Gem of the Crown. Oh, thank you, Duchess!
Huzzah! Our mission is accomplished, and everything here is resolved.
Let us celebrate with our new friends, the Eldritch sisters!
Wait. I still gotta get revenge on you, kitty brother man.
And hey, now that Maldonna is, like, part of the crew again,
we can all defeat him together. Sisters, attack!
[plays enchanting tune]
- Ooh, butterflies! - Ahem.
Well, as much as I'd simply love to hang around
and participate in this... this...
Let's go.
What a good idea. Family reunions are no place for violence.
Come on, Duchy. Let's boogie on out of here.
Boogie, boogie, boogie!
♪ Butterfly dance party ♪
[vocalizing]
Ugh. Can we finally get ice cream now?
I just can't believe it, Puss. The Duchess is actually a witch.
Well, may I remind you, things are not always what they seem.
Very true.
[laughs sheepishly]
Yes. For example, I may have seemed to be acting like a dog earlier,
but clearly, that was not the case.
I am a cat, and cats are wonderful animals,
whereas dogs are terrible. You agree, right?
[chuckles] Yes, yes. Comical, no? [laughs]
You must swear to me you will never tell anyone
that I, Puss in Boots, ever acted like a dog. Swear it!
Okay.
Don't worry, Puss, I can keep a secret.
Here, boy.
[sighs]
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~