E to fasty's. what can i get for you?
Hi, um...
- i think i'll have a cheeseburger. - cheeseburger!
Hey, what's the big idea?
Well, most places only offer kind of fast food.
But here at fasty's, we specialize
In really really really fast food.
Yeah, i can see that.
Anything else for ya?
No, thanks. i don't feel like
Being hit with chicken bits.
Chicken bits!
- hi. - welcome to fasty's.
- may i take your order? - oooo-kay!
- can i just get a... - a...
- ssss... - ssss...
- salad with dressing on the side? - salad!
With dressing on the side!
Well, now that's just too fast.
- ( chuckles ) - good thing i didn't order soda!
Soda!
- i sss-said! - ice!
This is really really really not cool.
If you think i'm paying for this, you're nuts
Nuts!
- i'm not paying for those nuts either! - nuts!
Hurry back!
Hi, i was here two seconds ago.
You pelted me with chicken bits.
( gasps ) chicken bits!
I would like to speak to the manager!
- manager! - i'm mitchell the manager.
What seems to be the problem?
Did you ever stop to think that maybe your restaurant
- is just a little too fast? - i'm-- i'm really sorry.
- let me make it up to you... - thank you.
With a year's worth of fasty's fast fries.
- fast fries! - no!
What, no ketchup?
( gasps ) ketchup!
Come again!
- ( rings ) - ( screams )
â™ª off to the races, i'm going places â™ª
♪ might be a long shot, not gonna waste it ♪
♪ this is the big break and it's calling my name ♪
♪ yeah! ♪
♪ so far, so great, get with it ♪
♪ at least that's how i see it ♪
♪ having a dream is just the beginning ♪
♪ so far, so great, believe it ♪
♪ can't take away this feeling ♪
♪ taking a ride with chance on my side ♪
♪ yeah, i can't wait ♪
♪ so far, so great ♪
( vocalizing )
♪ yaooww! ♪
All right, now i'm only gonna say this once.
I got split pea, beef barley,
Cream tomato, comes with cracker and a salad,
No substitutions.
Hey, does this fat suit make me look fat?
You're in a fat suit?
Ha ha. see, i was gonna tell you how great you did
In that fast food sketch,
But now i don't think i'm going to.
you just did.
Darn my niceness.
Don't blame yourself.
It's hard not to compliment me.
I'm sorry, sweetie, i couldn't hear you over that robe.
Sorry, i really like playing this character.
You're playing a character?
Once again, ha ha.
now if anyone needs me before rehearsal,
I'll be in the cafeteria getting some frozen yogurt.
- oh, wait, i need you. - really?
Yes... to get me yogurt.
Something non-dairy and pink.
You know i'm not actually a waitress, right?
We'll see.
Hey, everybody! new girl's making a fro-yo run.
- ooh! i'll take strawberry. - cookies and cream.
Peanut butter. you know, and if they don't have peanut butter,
Grab me a burrito.
- oh, i'm in for a burrito too. - ooh!
Uh, i need 12 aa batteries.
Okay, let me see if i got this.
I got one non-mooey pink, one straw, one creamy cup,
One pb/'rrito, one 'rrito walking and 12 aas?
See? you are a waitress.
- and instead of yogurt, i actually would like-- - no substitutions.
Excuse me, miss, when you're done with that order,
I'm gonna need an extra large chocolate.
Oh, i don't work here.
Oh, my gosh. i know you.
You're-- you're--
Him?
Chad dylan cooper.
You're mackenzie on "mackenzie falls."
- and apparently, you're madge. - yes! no.
No. madge is my waitress character.
And all this belongs to madge too.
- hi, i'm sonny. - sonny, that's a nice name.
Oh, thank you. you know, when i was younger
I really didn't like it, but now it kind of suits me.
- i mean, i have this one friend and her name is-- - here you go.
- see you later. - 'kay.
"sonny, thanks for the yogurts.
Chad dylan cooper."
Hey, i-- i didn't give you any--
Chad dylan cooper just stole my yogurt!
Oh, my gosh! chad dylan cooper just stole my yogurt!
( grunting ) oh! i'm too quick.
Bow-chick-a-wow-wow!
- ( grunting ) - sorry i'm late.
Here you go.
- my yogurt's melted. - my burrito's cold.
These are aaas.
And i didn't order sprinkles.
Oh, yeah, those aren't sprinkles.
Sorry. i kind of dropped it in the parking lot.
My bad. but you'll totally forgive me
Once i tell you who i just met.
- chad dylan cooper. - ( gasping )
I know! chad dylan cooper!
- ( gasping ) - sonny!
This three-name dufus is the enemy.
We do not associate with him
Or anybody on "mackenzie falls."
And now we have melted yogurt and cold burritos
Because of-- i can't even say his name.
Uh, well, no, we have melted yogurt because i had to walk so far
From where i parked the golf cart.
- you took the golf cart? - say it ain't so.
Yeah, it was right out front so i figured i'd take it for a spin.
- say it ain't so! - easy, z.
- easy. - when you came back whose cart was in our space?
Well... it was, uh--
All: whose cart?!
( all gasp )
What's the big deal? they'll move their cart later
And we'll get our space back.
You are so naive.
They'll never move their cart.
Our cart was parked there for two years.
It's just a parking space.
This isn't about a parking space.
This is about something bigger.
This is about "mackenzie falls" thinking
they're so much better than us
Just because they're "real actors" on a drama
And we're just... "funny."
And they're all high and mighty with their perfect skin
And fancy clothes and windswept hair.
I mean, i have all those things
And they still look down on me.
Oh, come on, guys, it can't be that bad.
Tell her, nico. tell her what she needs to hear.
nico: it was two years ago.
"mackenzie falls" beat us out for the prestigious
Tween choice award.
And if that wasn't crushing enough,
Afterwards, there was... the interview.
( harp strums )
You know, a lot of people would say that it's "so random"
That we won this award.
but it's not "so random." it's never "so random."
Because "mackenzie falls" rules. thank you, tweens.
But we showed them. we took their parking spot.
And stole their tween choice award
Which we now use as a toilet paper holder.
( cackling )
Look, you guys, i know i'm the new girl...
- bored already. - and i can see how upset you all are.
But aren't you guys tired of the fighting?
I mean, isn't it time to bury the hatchet?
A hatchet!
That's what we need!
No, zora, it's time end the feud.
That's what the hatchet's for.
Look, back in wisconsin, my school had a rivalry
With the snooty prep school.
yeah, they thought they were better than us.
And after a while, we even started to believe it.
Until finally i said, "enough."
And you know what i did about it?
Well, i'll tell you what i did about it.
I organized a peace picnic.
And there were games and food and by the end of the day
Enemies became friends and we all felt better about ourselves.
If i ran myself over with a golf cart,
It would still be less painful than that story.
I found a hatchet!
Guys, come on. let the peace picnic
Work its magic.
And trust me, there is no problem my egg salad can't solve.
Tell that to chad dylan cooper.
( gasps )
What, suddenly, we're not doing that anymore?
Okay, now i don't mean to brag,
But this has the makings of being the best peace picnic
In the history of peace picnics.
Now, grady, if you don't mind,
Please place the peace offering on the podium of peace.
Now, grady, if you don't mind,
Please remove the toilet paper from the peace offering.
Perfect. okay, now our guests will be here any minute.
So let's take a seat and let the peace begin.
- nico: oh! i can't move! - grady: i'm stuck.
( grunts ) dude, we've been glued to our chairs.
- "mackenzie falls" did this! - at least we still have their statue.
Oh-ho-ho! peace out, suckas!
- no! no! - ( chad cackling )
Well, at least we still have our dignity?
( ripping )
Ewww.
( grunting ) no!
- at least we still have-- - nothing!
Morning, everybody.
I hope you're not still mad at me.
Ha! it works!
My cold cut catapult works!
Okay. ham on my face.
I suppose i deserve that.
But you guys know what you deserve?
Home baked cranberry muffins fresh from-- grady's butt?
is that grady's butt?
It is, indeed. thanks to your stupid peace picnic,
His butt is all over the internet.
Two million hits.
Well, you know what they say...
There's no such thing as bad "butt-blicity."
Am i right? am i right?
( laughing )
I see it also works with cheese.
( sighs ) guys, come on.
Hasn't she suffered enough?
( laughing ) yeah, i didn't think so either.
Check this out.
- is that me? - oh, yes.
Over and over and over again?
grady: oh, you know what they say?
There's no such thing as bad "egg-salad-blicity."
( mocking ) am i right? am i right?
Okay, that's it. now it's personal.
I promise i'm going over to "mackenzie falls" and i'm not coming back...
- yay! - ...without our parking space,
Our lunch table and our dignity.
Not today.
Look, portlyn, summer's almost over.
And once fall comes back to the falls,
I need to be free.
- but-- - shh. time for talking is over.
- what's the matter with you? - what's the matter with me?
What's the matter with--
Those words didn't come out of your mouth.
man: cut!
We're sort of in the middle of a shoot here.
And now you're sort of taking a break.
Portlyn, you got great legs. let's see how they move.
Okay, well, stay sad, sweetie.
- what is your problem? - what's my problem?
My problem is that everything my friends--
And tawni-- told me about you guys was true.
You "mackenzie falls" people are jerks.
And you're like the head jerk.
You're like the-- like the mayor of jerksville.
The head ambassador of jerko-slavakia.
You saw the egg salad video.
Yeah. i also direct.
We were trying to make peace.
( scoffs ) please, you were trying to trap us.
Trap you?
You've obviously been watching your show too much.
You know, not everything is cutthroat and gossipy.
Sometimes people do things because they're trying to be nice.
Do they, sonny?
Do they really?
Look, it was sweet of you to put that picnic together.
It was way sweet.
But the bad blood between our two shows
Has run too deep for too long
To be healed by a bowl of egg salad
And even the best of intentions.
Just because you wish for something
Doesn't make it so.
- oh, chad dylan-- - shh.
Time for talking is over.
I must go.
So run. run back to your show.
Put your sweet little dreams of peace to bed.
( sighs )
What just happened?
There she is.
Hey, guys. where have you been?
Where have we been? where have you bn?
I asked you first.
What happened with chad?
- well, see, i went over there... - ( whirring loudly )
( inaudible )
- ( whirring stops ) - and that's why everything is okay.
- did you get back our stuff? - ( whirring loudly )
Stop blowing and start talking.
- well, interesting story-- - did it go something like this?
"bla bla bla... peace picnic!
Bla bla bla... i got nothing."
Okay, first of all, that sounds nothing like me.
- and secondly, i did get something. - really? what?
I got an agreement.
An agreement for what?
An agreement that says
If we beat them at something...
We get all our stuff back.
Beat them at what?
Something we're good at.
Like what, musical chairs?
Why? are we good at that?
Musical chairs? you're challenging us to musical chairs?
You heard me.
That's a game for children between the ages of four and seven.
Which makes it suitable for you.
Look, i don't know how much free time you have over there
In "chuckle city,"
But over here on "mackenzie falls"
We have some serious acting to do.
Oh, my gosh. you are a drama snob.
And you do think you're better than us.
No, not better. just different... in a better way.
We act.
Okay. i see what's going on here.
You're afraid that we might be better than you at something.
- i'm not afraid of anything. - except musical chairs.
Especially... musical chairs.
Fine. then here are the terms.
We win, we get our parking space back.
We get your table and you have to buy us
- a new toilet paper roller. - no, we're not doing that.
( clucking )
Then i guess you're afraid.
( clucking loudly )
Okay, cut it out. stop it.
You're acting like a fool.
Actually, i'm acting like a chicken.
I'm not afraid to act like a fool.
( clucking )
Cut it out! cut it out!
- ( clucking ) - stop it. there are people starting to stare.
( clucking loudly )
You-- you just quit your bocking!
- fine! - yeah, fine, we'll do it.
Okay? and when we win, you have to go on your show
And say that "mackenzie falls" is better than "so random!"
Fine. but when we win, you have to say something nice about "so random!"
No. no. no no no.
We're not doing that. you already told me your terms.
You don't get to keep adding stuff.
( clucking loudly )
No, these are my terms. you don't get to use my terms.
All right! fine! i'll take you on in musical chairs!
- fine! see you at noon! - yes, you will!
- you smell like ham. - i've seen your acting.
That makes two of us.
I can't believe we're playing musical chairs.
Grady, you said we were good at this.
No no, i said this is what we were best at.
I didn't say we were good.
Come on, you guys, we can do this.
Don't let them psych us out, okay?
We just need to practice.
Okay, everybody on your feet.
We're walking, we're walking,
We're walking-- sit!
( scoffs )
We're walking, walking, walking-- sit!
Okay, now everybody with me.
All: we're walking, we're walking,
- we're walking-- sit! - ( cracks )
I think i pulled something.
Oh, well, if it isn't chad dylan pooper.
Easy, g. easy, g.
Save it for the chairs, man. save it for the chairs.
Let's just get this over with.
Gotta get my teeth bleached in 20 minutes.
You know there are 80 shades of white?
Did we win? did we lose? is it over?
- can i leave? - no, we need you.
We're a team. let's do this.
( music playing )
( music stops )
Oh no, i lost. toodles.
( music playing )
- ( music stops ) - oh, after you.
After you, my lady.
Man! i let the lady get in my head.
- ( music playing ) - walking... walking...
Walking... walking.
( music stops )
Oh! i forgot to sit!
( music playing )
( music stops )
- you're helping? - i can dislike more than one person at a time.
( music playing )
Looks like it's just you, me
And one more thing you're not gonna get.
You know, you're acting pretty confident
- for someone who's gonna lose. - ( laughs )
At least i can act.
Can you, chad? can you really?
You see that? she's giving it right back to him.
We might actually win.
We could have a toilet paper holder by sundown.
Come on, sonny!
- all: yes! yes! yes! - ow!
- ( music stops ) - all: no!
Ow, it's my ankle. it really hurts.
I think something snapped.
Oh, man.
That looks really serious. we'd better get you to a doctor.
Just take my hand.
- whoa! - peace out, suckas!
( cheering, squealing )
- you tricked me. - no.
i was acting.
Not bad. perhaps there's a spot for you
On "mackenzie falls."
After portlyn disappears
In a mysterious ballooning accident.
( sobbing )
Thanks, but my home is right here in chuckle city
On a show called "so random!"
So i don't think i'll be going anywhere, chad dylan cooper.
- ( all gasp ) - really? we're doing that again?
Announ"
Look, portlyn, summer's almost over
And once fall comes back to the falls
I need to be free.
and you have a balloon to catch.
Shh!
Time for talking's over,
Because... "so random!" is on.
It's my favorite show.
- ( cheering ) - oh, yes!
- yes! - finally!
Yay!
"so random!" baby!