Cops! Cops!
- What? - Cops!
- Give me the paint. - Are they gone yet?
Nah, I think they're waiting over there to take us out for some doughnuts later.
Give me the paint.
Oh, David, I'm sorry.
Now the can.
I'll see you later in history... class.
Hi, grandpa.
Squid!
What is it you do at night, Watson?
Whatever it is, pledge, stop it.
That's right. Where's my art history paper?
It's almost done. What's it on?
Cezanne, the impressionist.
Like rich little.
Sort of.
Give us 20.
No, no, leave the backpack on.
And one. All the way down.
Two. Keep your back straight.
Three. Very good. Here's a little incentive.
You all have your assignments for the midterm paper? Yeah.
Every student has been given a topic entirely at random.
You think it's love, but it's merely lust.
"Merely"? What do you know about her?
She has a head on her shoulders, for one thing.
Most of her appendages seem to be properly placed.
I'll give you that, okay?
But remember who she goes out with. Just forget it.
Robin?
Uh... I guess I'm just a little disappointed, professor.
- You are? - Yeah.
I was sort of hoping I could do my thesis on the Kennedy administration.
Why, dear? Because he was cuter than Truman?
No, because I feel the era is more relevant to current history.
And you don't know as much about Truman, do you?
No.
Well, we are here to learn, are we not?
I'm sure you'll find Harry Truman to be very stimulating.
Everybody wants your girl. Shut up.
Look at the teacher. Look at the teacher. Shut up. Shut up.
The subject is a specialty of mine, as you know, Robin.
So I'll be able to give you...
Guidance, input.
Thank you.
Pick up the pace! Do it!
Way to go! Way to go!
Get out of my way, man! You're slowing me down!
I'm not kidding, man! Move!
All right.
- All right! - Yeah! Yeah!
That was a bad break. Look out.
Are you okay? Yes, I'm fine.
Hey, aren't we... you in my American history class?
- Yeah, I think so. - How do you like it?
Class or history? Uh...
Class I'm not crazy about.
Professor swivet...
But I love history.
It's my major.
It's your major and you love it?
That's a new one. What about you?
Me? Uh, my major is business,
Oh. But I'm really not interested in...
Hey, babe. Hi. Hi.
Tough break out there, man,
but that's the way they fall sometimes.
I didn't even tell her my name.
I am a dweeb. Watch out, squid.
I'm here to see my father at...
Is my brilliant son here yet?
Yes, sir. Send him in.
I'll thank you to treat me with a little more respect, sir.
You have to press the button if you want your dad to hear you.
I know how it works.
Send David in as soon as he gets here.
Dad?
I know you thought the duck phones were a mistake from the beginning.
I know I said my department could guarantee moving...
At least 500,000 units in the first year.
I don't feel, though, that we're reaching the ideal consumer: Duck hunters,
When a duck hunter sees a duck, he wants to shoot it.
He doesn't want to talk into its ass.
It might answer back.
Anyway, you're in sales. Just sell the damn things.
What have you got there?
These are some blueprints I drew up for retooling...
"retooling"?
What are you doing down there, pretending to be a designer?
Is that why you keep screwing up?
What else are you pretending to be, an astronaut?
Come down to earth. I need you here.
You're late!
All I ask of you is two afternoons a week at 3:30 sharp. Is that so much to ask?
But you would rather hoist some beers with your frat buddies...
Or pal around with your track teammates.
What's funny?
Do you know what most people would give to have a position in a company like this?
Give the kid a break.
Hello, David. Hi, grandpa.
What kept you this time?
Uh, track practice again. What was your time?
4:56? What is it with only one broken leg?
Dad... No, he's right.
I could do better. So could Oprah Winfrey.
All right, dad, he didn't inherit your legs.
That's because I'm still using them.
When I was your age I ran a 4:56,
but I had Lucy mulhaney on my back and a beer in each hand.
I'll see you both tonight.
Why am I leaving? This is my office.
Out, kids.
Happy birthday, Jack.
May I take your coat?
Betty. Oh.
I've never seen you look better.
I hope this doesn't mean your eyesight is failing you. Not at all.
Getting stronger. I still can't figure out...
How my son here hooked you.
Did he put something in your drink?
Dad... that's a joke, kid. Lighten up.
I'm glad you both could make it. "Make it"?
Oh, you mean to the party.
To the party. Are you kidding? We wouldn't miss this for...
Molly Braymiller, it's good to see you.
Happy birthday, sweetheart. For anything.
Hello, everybody!
Let the games begin.
Just be thankful she's not as young as she says she is.
If she were as young as she says she is,
those would be schoolbooks she's carrying.
I think you all know my companion, playmate and confidante, Madelyn.
But not like I know her.
But we'll get into that later. Doesn't she look sensational?
You're requested in the kitchen, miss Evelyn.
Madelyn. Thank you.
Oh, yes, of course. I'm sorry.
Miss Evelyn was the tall one.
Some girl, huh?
Don't you think she's a little too young for you?
Look, I'd go out with women my age,
but there are no women my age.
I think you better find one.
Do you want your mother to do that?
Is this a clip-on?
God, don't let your grandfather see it.
Where did you get this? It's one of dad's.
Grandpa, I just want to say that...
When I'm your age...
I hope I'm half as lively as you are.
Don't look to the future, kid. You're half as lively now.
Is that a clip-on?
You heard him: "Glad you could make it."
He just meant he was glad we could make it to the party.
You underestimate him. The man is obsessed with sex.
When he says, "glad you could make it," it's a sexual Barb.
Yeah.
Hello, David.
Great party, huh?
Your grandpa deserves the best.
Like me. I'm the best.
He's quite a guy.
Ah, yes, he is remarkable.
But, David,
there is such a great difference in our ages, you know.
That's true, but...
But how could you possibly know...
Unless you've been with an older woman?
Have you?
Uh...
Then again, you and I aren't that far apart, are we?
In age, I mean.
It's a sexy tie.
Is it a clip-on?
Uh, yes, i-i believe so.
Do I make you nervous, David?
I have to go to the bathroom.
Oh, there you are.
How are you two getting along?
Famously.
Come on, David. There's some people I want you to meet.
Later, David.
Gentlemen, you know my grandson David.
He's a freshman, lambda chi delta at Rossmore.
Good to know you. That's some grip. You play football?
Track. Track. Just like me.
Not exactly like me, but track.
You must do pretty well with the girls.
He's a Watson, a Watson.
I bet he's beating them off with a stick.
- Yeah, they act like I am. - What'd you say?
He said, "you better believe I am."
Is that what he said? I didn't hear it. I just heard him.
Say it. "You better believe I am."
You better believe I am. Yeah, he said it.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ happy birthday to you ♪
shh.
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ dear Jackie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie ♪
♪ happy birthday ♪
♪ to-o-o-o-o ♪
♪ you-ou-ou-ou-ou ♪ ♪
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, wait a minute.
You have to make a wish.
What could I wish for? I've got everything a man could want:
A beautiful and talented girlfriend,
family that loves me, great friends.
So what could I wish for? Only one thing.
B flat.
# # now time turns the pages
♪ and, oh life goes so fast ♪
♪ the years turn the black hair all gray ♪
♪ I talked to some young folks ♪
♪ hey, they don't understand ♪
♪ the words this old man's got to say ♪
♪ I wish I was 18 again ♪
♪ going where I've never been ♪
♪ but old folks and old oaks ♪
♪ standing tall just pretend ♪
♪ I wish I was 18 again ♪
♪ lord, I wish I was 18 again ♪ ♪
that's it. That's it.
I wish I could do it again because I had that much fun.
David, come up here and help your grandfather.
Come on, kid. Give me a hug.
Thanks for letting me drive the rolls, grandpa.
You're welcome, kid. You hungry?
Uh, nah, not really.
There was all that good food at the party.
Don't tell me you ate any of that stuff. No.
Good. We'll go to Kellers. Okay.
- Where is it? - It's in Altoona.
"Where is it?" Keep driving, kid.
- Where's Altoona? - Right next door to Kellers.
"Where's Altoona?"
Tell me, what's school like?
It's okay.
It's okay? It's okay?
It should be the time of your life. I know.
What about... What about girls?
You'll never again have as wide a selection. Trust me.
There is one.
One is enough for starters. What's her name?
Robin. What's she like?
She's great. She's smart. She's beautiful.
Tell me she's got money and I'll book a church.
I don't know.
We haven't said much to each other.
What, is she a mime?
Talking to women is no big deal. Here, watch.
- More coffee? - Please. "Rita."
Is that your name, or are you wearing somebody else's clothes?
That's my name. Can I get you anything else?
Just your phone number.
We'll trade. You can have my social security number.
Did you hear that?
She practically threw herself naked across the table.
Not quite.
Anyway, you can get away with that.
Me? I just sound like 50 other guys that day who gave her the same lines.
It's not the lines. It's the delivery.
Maybe I should get myself a cigar.
Couldn't hurt.
We should do this more often.
Grandpa!
I should have let the kid drive.
He opened his eyes.
Brilliant. You should be a doctor.
- Hmm, he's awake. - So should you.
Oh, brother.
My body's broken, and they send an optometrist.
Can you talk? Sure. What do you want me to say?
What the hell happened to my voice?
Must have straddled the gearshift.
Oh, god. Thank god. Are you all right?
Fine, but my voice sounds a little funny.
But otherwise I feel like I can go ten rounds with Jack Dempsey.
How's David?
Holy shit!
Take it easy, David.
What the hell is this?
Here, honey, why don't you sit down?
That's a good idea.
I've got to try to figure this out.
Boy, David, did you get the short end of the deal.
I really wish you'd come home and sleep in your own bed tonight.
No. No, thanks.
This will be bad enough.
Well, all right. We'll let you know how grandpa's doing.
Not too well, believe you me.
All right. Good night.
Good night, daddy.
Take it easy.
Good-bye, honey.
"Daddy"?
Hold that smile, Jack. You can do it.
Yee-ha!
No, no, no!
This could be interesting.
You'll get used to them. Trust me.
Papers.
"Papers"? What am I, a cocker spaniel?
They're due, Watson.
They are?
Can you run that by me again?
We don't mean to bother you, but we'd like to...
Oh, think nothing of it.
I'm always eager to help out a fellow lambda chi delta brother.
Don't jerk around, Watson.
If we don't get those papers in on time,
we get some serious shit.
Let me see if I understand this correctly.
You boys want me to do your schoolwork?
Give me 20, Watson.
Well, I can lend you ten for now.
A simple no would be enough.
Twenty push-ups.
Now.
By the way, smart-ass,
nobody better find out you're doing this work for us.
- Understood? - Who am I gonna tell, Dan rather?
Don't slack off, Watson.
Six more push-ups,
and I'll be able to kill this kid.
Jesus, does David wake up to this every day?
What the hell do you want? Twenty more?
Don't take it out on me.
They were kind of rough on you, huh?
So this is that weirdo friend of David's.
What? It's my earring.
What next?
Does this kid ever give his mouth a break?
Somebody wake me when he shuts up.
Why do they force these humanities courses down kids' throats?
It's got no bearing on the real world whatsoever.
That's why it's your favorite class.
It is?
Today we are going to do some quick studies. Rayette.
You gotta stop hitting that snooze button.
Ohh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, yeah! Hello!
David... Do you have a problem?
Do you realize the last time I saw a naked lady?
It was last Thursday, but it still gets me.
If there is one person I expect to take this class seriously,
it's you.
After class I'll buy you a cup of coffee and a large house with servants.
You're loosening up, David.
That's good.
I'm shocked to see a bit of a Picasso influence.
That's not like you.
Oh, sure. I threw that in.
Not too much. Just a little.
Like a sprinkling, a seasoning on top.
Are we in every class here together?
This is beginning to worry me.
What's that supposed to mean?
Ah, look, there she is.
Robin.
She is something, even without speaking.
So, is everyone coming along with their papers?
Oh. Yes, Robin?
I can't find Harry Truman's middle name.
Hands off my girl, you old lech.
That's because Harry Truman didn't have a middle name.
His parents couldn't decide on one, so they gave him an initial, "s,"
but the "s" doesn't stand for anything.
Yes?
Oh... I'm sorry.
No. No, no, no, no, no, please, go on.
You're not the first fish to swallow that line.
And your name is?
- He doesn't even know my name, and I'm in his class.
David Watson.
Oh, I see.
What does the "s" stand for, Mr. Watson?
Sergei, from an east European uncle.
But, foreseeing the Russian troubles that would follow after world war ii,
Harry made up that hogwash about the "s."
And where did you come by this information?
- From the man himself. - Yeah, uh-huh.
Harry told you?
No, he didn't tell me. He told my grandfather.
My grandfather and Harry were very close friends.
My grandfather told me.
I see.
Anything else you want to know, professor, don't hesitate to ask.
You gonna stay out of my way today, Watson?
Hey, wait a second.
What are you looking at?
- Ron Deacon. - What?
You're Ron Deacon's grandson, aren't you?
I thought you looked familiar.
You got that same dull look in the eyes,
the same junior jockstrap.
What?
I got some bad news for you, Russ.
Your grandfather was bald by the time he graduated,
which means you'll probably start losing your hair in...
Hell, what time is it?
What's going on here?
Nothing, coach.
Come on! Get your fannies in action!
Get your butts in gear! Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Don't waste your time.
Runners set.
Go, go, go!
Watch this, honey.
Yeah!
I'm exhausted.
I gotta cut down on those push-ups.
Look what you get for first place.
Second place, you get a hug from a pudgy coach.
David! You qualified!
I'd have blown his doors off if I wasn't wearing these wedgies.
Yeah, but you made it! You made it!
Hi.
You're making quite a name for yourself today.
You qualified, didn't you?
Hey, is that true about Truman's middle name? That's what he told me.
No, he told your grandfather.
That's right. Yeah.
Well, did he tell you a lot about Harry Truman?
Everything he knows.
Listen, I'm doing this paper on him in our class, and, uh...
I'd much rather talk to you than professor Swivet.
That's flattering. Oh, no, I didn't mean it that way.
I-i just... I'd be glad to.
Now, this weekend's no good.
It'll have to be Monday night... over dinner.
Around 8:00. I'll come by for you.
Okay.
Okay, great. I'm tri omega.
Oh, yes, "try to make ya." I know them well.
Bye-bye. Bye.
Hello, David.
I'm glad you could come over.
David, I'd like you to meet my parents.
What happened? Was there an accident?
No, David.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hello.
Don't worry. It won't come off.
Robin tell us you're involved in track.
I go a couple times a week. I usually break even.
♪ Robin's got a boyfriend Robin's got a boyfriend ♪ ♪
want me to hit her?
Have some more to eat, David. You're still shrinking... uh, growing.
Tell me, David, how do you plan to support our daughter?
Support her? She wants support, she can buy a cane.
You know, he knew Harry Truman personally.
I wouldn't be surprised if he hung around with Ulysses S. Grant!
We're thinking of traveling through Europe together this summer.
That should be fascinating for you, David.
It's changed a lot since the renaissance.
I knew this wouldn't work out.
Our ages are too far apart.
They'd be closer if you drop a zero from yours.
Look, mister, you better hope you never grow old. I'm hoping you won't.
Don't be alarmed, folks. We're taking this man back where he belongs.
He's not David Watson. He's Jack Watson, David's 81-year-old grandfather.
- What? - Then where's David?
This is a nightmare.
David.
David!
It's me. It's Barrett.
Come on, we've got to finish the mural tonight.
Muriel? Who's Muriel?
I did this?
It's hard to believe now that I'm in my new Picasso phase.
Let's just worry about that after you finish this, all right?
David, can you help me with this? Come on!
Oh, sorry.
Right there.
I can't do this.
Why not?
Because I can't paint, you little pest.
My head is still a little fuzzy after the accident.
That never stopped you before.
Why do you do this? What are you talking about?
Helping, set up, clean up.
The shit work. Why?
That's not all I do, is it?
I don't know why I help you, David.
This is fun for me.
I like your work.
Somebody's got to shine the light.
You're okay.
David?
David, can you hear me? Come on, David.
I know what happened. It's me. It's Jack.
David?
Uh, it's him, all right. It's Jack.
Oh, Charlie...
It's great to see you, Charlie.
Yeah. Easy, David. You're cutting off my circulation.
Oh, sorry.
I'm glad you're all right.
He's not doing too good, huh?
Goddamn it, Jack.
We've got plans.
Poker Tuesday, the track...
None of it's gonna be any fun without you.
Jack... please...
Ah, what's the use?
No, go on.
He can't hear me.
Sure, he can.
Charlie? Yeah?
You remember my wish at the party?
You made a wish? No, Jack did.
Oh, I see. Jack did, you didn't. No.
Do you believe a person can go from one body to another?
Not if that person's got a weak back.
That's not what I mean. I mean their soul.
Look into my eyes, Charlie. What do you see?
Now, don't you see experience, wisdom?
Eh?
I'll tell you the truth, kid. I don't see anything. Which one is the wisdom?
Forget "kid." You're the kid.
I'm 81 years old.
Yeah, uh, look, David,
maybe we ought to go back to the hospital and find you a nice nurse.
No, you're the one who goes for nurses.
And that's not all I know.
Aqueduct, 1942.
The $1,200 payoff on the daily double...
From the ticket you found on the floor.
To be precise,
on a horse named prune Danish.
Come on, come on. Your grandpa could have told you that.
Right, sure. And maybe he sat his grandson down upon his knee...
And told him about the time he and his friend Charlie...
Got snowed in with the St. Bartholomew all-girls choir...
And didn't get dug out until Easter.
Or how once upon a time they got drunk with two U.S.O. Girls and...
♪ By the light ♪
♪ of the silvery moon ♪
♪ your sister June ♪
♪ dropped her pants in my room ♪
♪ and next door ♪
♪ we were with Eleanor ♪
♪ she wanted more ♪
♪ but we had some before ♪ ♪
Jack!
Charlie, I got my wish.
I'm 18 again.
What? Easy, Charlie.
H-how did you pull it off? I didn't.
I don't know. The accident... somehow we got switched.
You...
So David's in...
What happens to him?
I wish I knew. Oh, my god.
Jack Watson, you had it all.
And now you really have it all.
Gee, I wish I could do it with you.
So do I, Charlie.
You were always like a kid brother to me.
This doesn't have to change anything between us. Oh, no, no, no.
♪ By the light ♪
♪ of the silvery moon ♪ ♪
what's the matter, honey? You've barely touched your food.
I'm not very hungry.
I thought sole Florentine was your favorite.
Look what I almost forgot.
Cauliflower Au gratin.
Please, I can't eat another bite.
Oh.
You're not going to waste a totally good meal. Now, eat it.
Arnold, he doesn't have to eat if he doesn't want to.
He's been through quite a lot.
What? The accident injured his taste buds?
And is that his excuse for dressing like that?
Or did you have another accident on the way over here?
It was serious enough to put your father in the hospital.
I wasn't talking to my father, was I? Watch it.
Trick question.
And speaking of dad, I think you ought to go down and visit him tomorrow.
You should listen to your wife more often, Arnie.
She's always been one step ahead of you.
You got any decent cognac in this place?
He's right about one thing.
Clothes make the man, right?
Maybe they can make one out of this.
God, Maddy, it's great to see you.
Well, it's good to see you too, David.
We have to talk.
Sure. Come in.
Who's that? Just some friends, David.
It gets so lonesome now. Come, we can talk in here.
Uh, can I get you a drink?
Sure. Vodka Martini straight up with an olive.
Just like your grandfather.
I'll be right back.
Cute kid. How do I tell her I'm subletting my grandson's body?
Now that's a face.
I look exactly like I did 20 years ago... old.
It's good to be home.
Thanks, honey.
Sorry.
What I've got to say is difficult.
Oh, David, you can talk to me.
Madelyn, I've gone through some very strange changes recently.
That happens at your age.
- That's not what I mean. - I know how you feel.
Do you know what it feels like to be inside another person's body?
- Do you? - I'm just beginning to find out.
Oh.
I know what you're going through.
I mean, one's first sexual experiences...
Can be awkward and disappointing,
even frightening.
Oh, David, I'm so glad you came to me.
Wait a minute. I haven't even told her it's me yet.
What are you doing?
Now you just relax, David.
No, no, this is what I want too. What about grandpa?
Oh, David, you don't know what it's been like.
I mean, Jack's fun. He's got style and charm and money.
I will be well provided for thanks to Jack,
but he's an old man.
I'll kill her.
A woman my age needs passion and excitement.
And physical affection.
You're saying you and grandpa never...
That's a rather personal question, David.
Of course not. Believe me, it was strictly platonic.
Platonic?
David, what's wrong?
I think I'm having an angina attack.
What? You're leaving?
I don't want to hit a lady, Horton,
but I wouldn't mind hitting her.
Platonic. Platonic.
Platonic, my ass.
Ooh! Oh, thank you.
He's adorable. Thank you, madam.
Where's the bar? Right there.
Make mine a vodka Martini...
Straight up w-with an olive.
We met this morning at Hoppy Henderson's funeral. How is Mr. Henderson?
Dead. Oh, yes, of course.
She does seem quite young.
I hope you don't mind my saying so, sir, but couldn't this be dangerous?
You're right. Have some oxygen standing by.
Yes, sir.
I'll call you if she passes out.
Jack... please come back.
Do you mind if I finish this cigar?
Yes. Come back. I can't wait.
It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.
Platonic.
I tell you, this feels good, Charlie.
A nice lazy day,
letting the sun warm your face...
And watching the world go by.
Hey, guys,
let me roll a few.
Okay, gentlemen, step aside. Let me show you how this is done.
Maybe you'd rather be hang gliding or something.
Maybe I should tell them.
Sure. Why not? What's a few more people in the intensive care unit?
Okay, okay, it's my turn here. Here we go.
All right, gentlemen. Down and dirty.
Poker? Duh.
What's with the clown suit, Watson?
Isn't he neglecting his schoolwork?
That's right, Watson.
Don't you think you should be at the typewriter?
You boys don't really want to talk about that subject, do you?
If you don't want me to play, just say so.
I got better things to do than stand here and listen to your chatter.
You got the cash?
You know how to play Oklahoma? Five card draw with a roll?
I could bluff you guys into thinking that I was a real mark,
but I know how to play Oklahoma...
And rooster back...
And nickel hayride...
And Alaskan pull...
And quite a few others that you boys have probably never heard of.
The fact is, gentlemen, if I sit down at that table with all of you now,
I'm gonna clean you all out.
Because when it comes to playing cards,
you're just a bunch of kids to me.
You see, that's the candy,
and you're the babies, and I...
I'm gonna take it from you.
Have a seat.
Get away from me.
All right.
That's a real poker face, J.P.
You look like you got something crawling up your leg.
No, that's out of my league.
I'm out.
I'm in.
Just you and me, dweeb.
And, uh,
I think I'll be, uh,
be raising.
I'm in.
That's about $500. Let's see it.
I'm good for it. That should be good enough for you.
Unless you're not too sure about your hand.
How about your feet?
What?
Forget about these cards.
We never have to look at 'em.
Let's double the bet.
A thousand dollars says that I beat you at the track finals.
You're on.
I was bluffing.
You were bluffing.
Oh!
The track.
So when the bet came around to Harry,
Harry held up his last dollar and he says, "hey, guys, no more bumps.
The buck stops here."
He first said that at a poker game?
That's right.
I was reminded of that story after playing a few hands of poker myself recently.
But I thought that came out of his senatorial campaign in Missouri.
See, that comes from getting all your information out of books.
Okay, what about dropping the bomb on Hiroshima?
That must have been...
The most difficult decision of his career.
He agonized over it.
Then Nagasaki. That was a little easier. He'd done it once already.
After that he started getting a little carried away.
He wanted to drop it on a few other places.
Switzerland, once, when he was having trouble with his watch.
I had to talk him out of it.
Uh, you'd better not use that.
It's impossible to verify,
and, if it ever gets out, who knows how the Swiss will react.
More coffee, David? Oh, no, thank you, Rita.
I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce you. Rita, this is Robin.
- Robin, Rita. - Hi.
You look familiar. Have you been in here before?
I've been in here with my mother a few times. I thought so.
You look just like her. Look at this. The claws are out.
Easy, girls. There's at least two portions here.
What do you say we pick this up again Friday night?
Uh, I'm sorry.
You probably have plans to go out with your friends or Russ or something.
I wasn't thinking.
Listen to me. I sound like David.
No, I don't have any plans, but...
David, nobody studies on Fridays.
Maybe we could, um,
go to a club or something, have some fun.
"We"?
You and me.
What's wrong with me? I can't talk.
Come on, lips, you can do it. Move.
I'd love to.
Great. It's a date.
Great.
Yowza!
What are you doing in grandpa's office?
I'm running the ship now.
It's a mutiny.
Here. Run this down to shipping.
How can you deliver this many units by the end of the month?
Come over here.
I've designed a simple way to retool the line...
That'll increase our productivity by 28%...
Without a significant increase in cost.
You bypassed the molding injection function.
I'm glad you're finally taking an interest in what goes on around here.
It's amazing.
David, please don't light that.
Why didn't you ever show this to grandpa?
I tried, time and again,
and he always ignored me.
A long time ago he stuck me in sales and forgot about me.
I don't belong in sales.
I belong in R and D.
Now I can finally do what I should have been doing all along.
I wish this could've happened differently.
I'd like him to see me...
Like this.
I wish he'd just given me the chance.
Get this to shipping, and then go straight to the accounting department.
They got a mountain of filing that's piled up since you were here last.
Hey, uh, sweetheart,
call an office boy.
All right, you guys, settle down, listen up.
Now, we're here to discuss the annual celebration and rally...
That'll take place on the Eve of the intercollegiate meet.
Anybody have any thoughts?
What about a toga party like they used to have?
Lots of beer, rock and roll and ev...
A toga party?
Gentlemen, back in my day...
Your day? When was this, nursery school?
Funny. Very cute.
Back in my grandfather's day,
Jack Watson's day...
Out. Out.
Now, they knew how to have a good time. Let's do it that way.
Let's put on the Ritz, go all the way out.
A bonfire. Bathtub gin.
Music, dancing, the works.
Let's act we know the crash is right around the
corner, and roar like they did in the '20s.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
You'll have to excuse me. I'm late for a date.
Sorry, ladies.
You come here often?
Well, I used to.
I think it's changed a little.
Must be new management.
Jesus, I wonder what causes that?
Excuse me.
Yeah! One, two! One, two, three, four!
David! Come on, get loose!
Like these people? They look like they got loose from an institution.
♪ You drive me ape ♪
♪ you big gorilla ♪
♪ you drive me ape, ape ♪
♪ I wanna tell ya ♪
♪ swingin' around from every town to town ♪
♪ I know I swing around and I never come down ♪
♪ city is a jungle now this is it ♪
♪ every time I look at you I go ape-shit ♪
♪ you drive me ape ♪
♪ you big gorilla ♪
♪ you drive me ape, ape ♪
♪ I wanna tell ya ♪
♪ cruisin' through the trees ♪
♪ with the birds and the bees ♪
♪ baby, baby monkey I ain't so hard to please ♪
♪ cruisin' through the trees with the birds and the bees ♪
♪ baby, baby monkey you won't get no disease ♪
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
♪ you won't get no disease ♪
what's goin' on?
What are you doing here? Did you follow us?
Follow you? No, I... I came here for a drink,
and I saw you dancing with...
With him.
Is that what this is about? Come on, Russ. I'll dance with ya.
Take a walk, pissant.
You're due for a diaper change. Cut it out!
I'm taking you the hell outta here, and we're gonna talk.
Let go of me!
I want you on my side, not on my back.
♪ You drive me ape, ape ♪
♪ you drive me ape baby, now ♪
♪ ape, ape ♪ ♪
David has gone about this all wrong.
I know how to handle this jerk.
Okay, Russ.
You guys, stop it.
Stop it!
I thought you said you didn't want to dance.
David!
Yeah! Hit him! Hit him!
Ooh!
Slam him! Slam him!
Get up! Get up! Get up!
Oh, David, I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
Did you get the license number?
Listen, let's get out of here, okay?
Okay, fine.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Ah... I'm sorry.
Terry!
I wanted you to see this.
I think it's beautiful.
Why did you do it?
This must have been so much work for you.
Um, well...
When someone builds something like this,
they don't care how it looks to the people who live around here...
Or the kids who play in this lot.
Those people have to live with this big, ugly wall...
In their faces...
Every day.
I saw this wall,
and I thought it could use a coat of paint.
Sounds like a good reason to me, David.
David, there is so much about you that surprises me.
I got one more that's a Lulu.
I'll talk to you on Monday.
W-what is this?
You part of this circus too?
Russ, just leave me alone. I'm trying to have fun.
What are you saying?
That we never had fun together?
Maybe I didn't know your idea of fun...
Was dressing up like a carnival freak.
Hey, Russ!
Gentlemen, Monday is almost upon us.
Your papers are coming due. I've got them right here.
Though, you know, I still can't imagine...
How these ended up in my room.
What?
J.P., this one's very impressive.
I'd give this a b-plus.
- Whoa! - Whoa!
Mikey, nice work on this physics paper.
I'd give this one an "a."
Oh, no.
And Russ...
Oh, Russ.
This is quite a piece of work, Russ.
This must've taken you all semester.
Why, this almost assures you an "a" in political science.
Whoa!
That's it, gentlemen.
This squid is out of ink.
David, look out!
Get him! Get him! Kill him!
That only works once, Russ.
We're having a party here!
You assholes want to fight, why don't you go beat each other over the head.
I'm your goddamn president, fathead!
Well, president fathead,
if you had done your own schoolwork,
maybe you'd be familiar with the term "impeachment."
You think he's hot stuff?
You watch him in the meet tomorrow!
You'll see how hot he looks when he's chokin' on my dust!
Come on. Come on, get him outta here.
Gentlemen, a little music, please.
Something snappy.
Way to go, Watson!
Oh, boy, David,
I wish it could be you up here, I really do.
David! David!
David!
David, I-it's your grandfather.
What? They're pulling the plug!
Come on!
Jack, your mother called me.
Oh, you know what I mean.
They don't know what they're doing, Charlie.
They're killing their own son.
And that's not the only surprise they've got waiting for them.
I rewrote my will.
I gave Madelyn half of Watson dials.
If I go, that bitch will run the place. "That bitch"?
Since when? Since she tried to seduce my grandson, a.k.A. Me.
Christ, Charlie, if this happens,
I've screwed Arnold, I've screwed David, I've screwed myself.
That's a lot of screwing for a guy your age.
That wasn't dad.
It was just his body.
I know.
It was the only decision.
Oh, of course it was. He'd suffered enough.
God knows, his soul deserves peace.
Suddenly, she's mother Teresa.
Mmm. On wheels.
Hey!
What are you, crazy?
Jack!
You got a phone? Yes, here.
Dr. Fallon,
please report to surgery.
Where's the old man who was in this room?
Mr. Watson? We took him off life support.
Where is he? He would be on four or five.
Wait!
Put it back!
Ooh!
She likes it that way.
Hemostat.
Ohh!
Sorry. What the hell was that?
E.K.G. technician,
go to C.C.U.
E.K.G. technician, go to C.C.U.
He's alive.
Where are you taking him?
541, as long as he hangs on.
He's gotta be hooked back up. I just push 'em around, okay?
Hey!
Hello? Hello? Hello, security?
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Oh, my god!
David. David, can you hear me?
It's me, David. It's Jack, your grandfather.
David!
Have a nice day.
Please, David! You're young, David! You're strong!
David, wake up!
Jack.
Jack, what happened?
Jack, are you all right?
I'm just fine, Charlie.
Jack!
Charlie, help me up.
Charlie. Oh, Jack.
Good.
Give me a cigar, kid.
Left inside breast pocket.
Thanks.
I'm gonna miss you, dad.
This place may run all right without you, but who cares?
Without you, it's just a factory.
I'm even gonna miss the smell of your damned cigars.
Then I've got some good news for you.
My god.
Dad. We've got some talking to do, Arnie.
We can communicate through this?
- They pulled the plug! - I've got good batteries.
What are you doing in my office?
But then again, what are you doing in sales?
You don't belong there.
Look, Arnie, I know I've been tough on you.
I haven't listened to any of your ideas, and you had some good ones.
I just get a little too full of myself sometimes.
I'm sorry.
Let's work together from now on. Okay?
Do me a favor, Arnie.
Don't do the same thing to David that I did to you.
I'm not.
Did you ever ask yourself whether David wants to be an accountant?
Did you ever ask David?
For all we know, he might want to be... oh, hell, I don't know.
An artist.
A minute ago you were pining away for these.
Well, I've got a little piece of business to take care of.
Nice boy.
Horton!
Oh, sir! Shh.
Tell Rick I'll be right there.
You'd better put that back on ice.
I know. You're wearing black underwear.
Jack! Oh, thank god!
It's a miracle!
Don't send the check to oral Roberts just yet.
I thought you were gone.
Ah!
See? We should drink to your recovery.
I've got a better idea.
Put on that little cat outfit of yours. Okay?
Cat outfit. Okay.
I'm gonna put you out on the street. What?
You can play in somebody else's litter box.
- Horton. - Oh, you wouldn't!
Well! I don't understand this.
You've been a lovely companion,
but a person my age needs excitement,
Passion, physical affection.
Did that come with her?
It did, sir. Give it to her.
You'll regret this... No!
Good-bye, kid. You'll be...
You buzzard!
Call Phil Bremmer.
Have him take Evelyn out of my will. Oh, it's Madelyn, sir.
Okay, Madelyn.
Remind me to give you a raise.
On the javelin throw, we have Bill Coule of T.B.I.
Kick ass, Watson.
All right. Do it, man.
All right, come on! Get those rears in gear! Get those backsides outside!
You know what I'm Talkin' about!
Watson.
You've come a long way, kid.
Two weeks ago, you couldn't even stay on your feet.
Go out there and get 'em.
Hello, kid.
Hi, grandpa.
I'm a little confused.
Well, 18 is a confusing age.
I didn't qualify for this meet.
Don't worry about it.
Did you do it? What?
Pull some strings? No, I wouldn't do that.
I know track doesn't mean that much to you,
but this race means a lot,
if only to prove to yourself that you can beat Russ Deacon.
You're stronger than you think, David.
Don't ask me how I know. I just do.
I'm telling you, you can do it...
If you believe in yourself half as much as I believe in you.
I couldn't hold a candle to you, grandpa.
When you're out there, listen to the crowd. They believe in you too.
They'll be cheering for you, David, for you.
Not because you're a Watson... Because you're David Watson.
Thanks, grandpa.
Here. I thought these might help.
I was wearing those when I won the meet in '28.
I think they'll fit you.
Thanks, kid.
Runners, take your marks!
You can do it! Set!
Going into the first lap,
our leaders are Russ Deacon in first place...
And Peter bacon from Weddington college...
Come on! Come on!
What is he doing, sweeping up after them?
Come on.
Please, David.
How's he doing? Hi, Barrett. Not too good. He's all the way in back.
Look alive!
Go, go, go, go, go!
You can do it!
You can do it, kid. You can do it.
Wait a minute.
Watson! Watson!
Come on, David! Come on!
Come on, boy!
You were great.
Nice goin'. Hit me in the head.
Great going, kid. See you later, coach.
Thanks.
Great finish. Thanks a lot.
Jesus, is this guy ever gonna stop giving me shit?
What?
Thank you, grandpa,
for, uh, letting me wear your shoes.
Same to you.
I'll explain to you later.
David!
Oh, David, you were wonderful.
Oh, thanks. The last...
I love you.
I mean, how are you?
Uh...
Oh, Robin Morrison, uh, this is my grandfather.
Jack Watson. Oh, it's nice to meet you.
That's it? I got rooked.
Listen, David, can I talk to you?
All right. See you later.
David, you know, I was thinking that...
Maybe you and I could get together later on...
And we could go over some Truman together.
My grandfather knew him. I know.
Listen, I gotta go. You were wonderful.
Bye.
Grandpa!
Can you do me a really big favor?
Would you tell me everything that you know... about Harry Truman?
It'd be my pleasure, David.
♪ I wish I was 18 again ♪
♪ and going where I've never been ♪
♪ but old folks and old oaks standing tall ♪
♪ just pretend ♪
♪ I wish I was 18 again ♪
♪ now time turns the pages ♪
♪ and, oh, life goes so fast ♪
♪ the years turned the black hair all gray ♪
♪ I talked to some young folks ♪
♪ hey, they don't understand ♪
♪ the words this old man's got to say ♪
♪ I wish I was 18 again ♪
♪ and going where I've never been ♪
♪ but old folks and old oaks standing tall ♪
♪ just pretend ♪
♪ I wish I was 18 again ♪
♪ lord, I wish I was 18 again ♪ ♪