- You must know your age. - My parents were really vague.
I told you about when they left me in the playground
- and took another child home. - Do you have a birth certificate?
No, they didn't believe in paperwork.
Animals don't know when they were born. It doesn't bother them.
Will you stop making stupid parallels
between animals and humans?
Animals don't call you stupid.
Bearing in mind I have no money, what do you want for your birthday?
I would like the gift of knowing that
- you are all spirited and fulfilled. - I'll find you some nice driftwood.
I'll shoot something for you.
I'm not sure a bleeding corpse strikes the right festive note.
Oh, God, you're turning into Larry.
He's not dead, he's a mile away.
I know.
In a bar.
Well, we'll give you a fabulous birthday.
- Thank you. - Whatever age you are,
we will celebrate you in all your wizened glory.
[He has brought us that animal.]
Breakfast! Come and get it.
Fish!
If I don't milk you, you will fill up and explode!
Freshly caught by Leslie... grumpily.
Don't be shy.
Someone's making an effort for Hugh.
- Huuuugh. - Hughie. - Shush.
I'm not sure she is pregnant, you know.
If we're not careful otters will die out on Corfu.
Oh!
So, I've laid out your best clothes,
Margo will smarten your hair. And get the muck off his face.
And you know the way to Mr Kralefsky's.
Please work hard, Gerry, it's really difficult to find a good tutor.
Urgh.
It's probably open.
Larry?
- I thought you'd be up, writing. - I aim always to surprise.
Well, you said you left home to experience life in the raw.
I've worn the same underwear for two weeks.
You don't get much more raw than that.
Well, it's just as well I brought you these, then.
Oh.
Mum, Ernest Hemingway's parents don't bring him Battenberg cake.
Or do they?
Where's your typewriter?
Oh, yes, I've been doing some boxing.
Tell them not to hit your face.
- I usually do, actually. - Here. Come on, then.
You will brush your teeth later on, won't you, darling?
I'll see how I feel.
Anyway, how are you?
I miss your intelligent conversation.
I mentioned communism recently.
- Margo still thinks it means being -- - Being common, yes, I know.
She's not dim, she's just... not interested.
I can talk to you like you're my age.
Well, hardly.
I'll be right down!
Ah, I wondered why you were dressed to kill.
Or at least dressed to wound.
- How is it? - Fine.
But...?
But I don't want to rush into another entanglement.
I still wonder about Sven.
Those are excuses for only living half a life.
It's not an excuse, you irritant.
Life's complicated.
Emotions ebb and flow.
Men let you down.
Your children have started to leave home. What are you waiting for?
~
Whoo!
- Doesn't she corner gracefully? - Mmm.
Who would you save in a fire, me or the car?
That's like asking you which of your children you'd choose.
Which of yours would you save?
Please don't ever have children.
- Yours? - Mine.
A grove of Olea europaea.
Two thousand years old.
If Christ ever holidayed in Corfu he may have slept under it.
Hmm. And if one ever worried about one's age,
- it would be the perfect antidote. - I agree.
Without wishing to generalise, young women are raving mad.
You mean, and I note in passing that I'm no longer considered young,
Vasilia?
Yes, all right.
- How dangerous is she? - She killed a lover.
- What?! - Well, he... he died.
He probably deserved it. Life is messy.
But enough about her.
We have a day of fun ahead of us.
To the seaside!
Oh!
Hello!
How embarrassing.
OK back there in the cheap seats?
Smugness can be very ugly, Spiros.
I suggest you buy more reliable transportation, like a donkey.
No chance.
He's too... handsome.
I deserve someone handsome.
I liked it more when you were trying to be a nun.
I may get back to that when I'm old.
Talking of old, what are we going to do for Mother's birthday?
Well, she needs cheering up because of missing Larry.
Let's give her a special picnic and get him over.
- Yeah. - Good idea.
- Theo! - Gerry. Oh, I like your new look!
Where is the wild urchin of yesteryear?
He's about to go to his new tutor.
Oh, yes, time to fill in the little gaps in your knowledge.
I'd rather be out photographing nature with you.
I snapped a splendid fan-tailed warbler earlier today.
I'd love to take photos. All the fun of shooting with guns
and you get a picture at the end of it.
The perfect birthday present.
Come to my house later and I'll talk you through the developing.
- Oh. - Time to go, Gerry.
Show me.
- Lovely. - Acceptable. - Delightful.
Hello!
Monsieur Durrell. Bien arrive.
This is so exciting. I've never done anything creative before.
Every family has room for one.
And Larry got in early.
Maybe this is your future.
I love this.
So, what do they produce here in Warwickshire?
- Wallpaper? - No.
- String? - No.
Wigs? Bananas?
Now I think you are guessing.
- Coal, or motorcycles. - Oh.
Or, of course, playwrights!
William Shakespeare.
Oh, of course! Yes, The Barb.
- The Bard. - Yes.
You seem like a decent boy, Gerald, but I have much to teach you.
Oh, I don't wish to boast, Mr Kralefsky,
- but I do know a lot about nature. - That will get you nowhere in life.
Do excuse me, I must go to see Mother.
The prettiest Durrell.
Thank you.
What are you doing here?
Write me a love poem.
And why would I do that?
Because now you are thinking about me.
Smaller.
Smaller!
It's tiny. You're eating for two.
I'm so jealous of you. Starting out. New life.
None of this sense of the years ticking remorselessly by.
You really are taking this birthday to heart, aren't you?
You can start a new family with one of your men. Look, there's one.
Oh, Sven. He looks pleased with himself.
Mmmm.
- What? - What?
There are rumours that he has a girlfriend.
Oh, right.
Well, good.
I don't think you mean good.
I know he was fighting it, but I assumed his homosexuality would win.
I know.
- Who is it? It's not Vasilia, is it? - No.
Nobody seems to know her.
I hope to God she's plain and ancient.
- We could have been married. - Louisa, you did the right thing.
Then why does it make me feel so sad?
♪ There's no escape that I can see
♪ But still those little things remain
♪ That bring me happiness or pain...
- You just killed a living creature. - Yes. And I will kill again.
- Do we really need the hedgehog? - Yes, he's poorly.
I'm making sure he eats and drinks.
Well, if he doesn't pull through -- shoe brush!
- Little sausage? My speciality. - No, thank you, darling.
I had rather a lot of cake earlier.
Larry did not come.
I'm sure he's busy preparing a spectacular present.
How is your new tutor, Gerry?
He keeps saying he "must go and see Mother",
even though he looks really old.
- It's a euphemism. - Well done, Leslie.
From the Greek eu, "well", and pheme.
Clearly not much interest there.
I think it's his polite way of saying he needs the lavatory, darling.
Lavatory itself is a euphemism, of course, meaning "place of washing".
- Oh! - Even less interest.
Oh! I have a present.
Oh! Gosh!
Well, what could this be?
- A new lavatory seat. - No.
A fossil.
Specifically a Mamites Ammonite from the Cretaceous age.
Well, thank you, Theo.
Theo's lent me a camera. I'm going to take portraits.
And I'm going to be photographed, looking fabulous.
You get a camera, I get a reminder I'm going to be embedded in a cliff face one day.
- We're on an ant hill! - We're not. Let's have some cake.
[Come here, you!]
I wanted to get candles but I couldn't get hold of enough.
Right, well, that's it.
- Ants on the cake! - Shut up, Lugaretzia.
- How old do you all think I am? - Don't answer.
No, I mean it, come on. How old?
Thirty-five at the most.
So when Larry born, she was...
Thirteen.
No, but I was very young.
- I don't know, are you 50? - That sounds about right.
So it's probably time to act more sedated, like The Queen Mary.
I see you more as a slow-moving giant turtle.
Right, well, this has been delightful.
- Oh, are you not 50? - No, I am not 50!
And I don't see myself as a slow-moving turtle, Gerry.
More of a sea-lion perhaps?
- I see myself as a woman in her prime. - Yes, Gerry.
And though maybe not as young as Sven's new girlfriend,
I am young and I am fun and I will not let you forget it.
Oh, go away! You're too late.
I suppose part of this is about me having children so young.
I spent my 20s changing nappies.
Enjoy your youth while you can.
- What did Aunt Hermione send you? - Some birthday money.
Oh!
I'm going to buy something frivolous. Like a trip to Venice.
- Or some roller skates. - Mother, you're not 18.
- Have you not been listening to me? - I thought we were short of money.
Well, we are. But I've paid Spiros back a little bit,
and, well, Vasilia doesn't seem so desperate for the rent.
Well, you can relax because I'm going to make money by being a photographer.
How many photographs have you taken in your life?
One.
But I have Theo's excellent book. And a powerful urge to succeed.
Fabulous. You'll have to practise lots first.
Ooh, start with me.
Yes, now tilt your head to the side a bit so we can't see your spot.
- That's lovely. - Oh, no!
- It's enormous. - No, it's not. You look divine.
I'll never find a man who loves me.
Darling, love isn't everything.
~
- ~ - You sound happy.
In fact, it's a ballad about evil trolls who eat children.
Very Swedish.
- Well, you made it sound very jolly. - I'm kidding, it's a love song.
So what brings you to me?
You're an expert on goats
and Leslie was wondering how often he should milk them.
- Once a day. - Thank you.
I-I heard you had a girlfriend.
- Oh, did you? - Is it true?
You once told me, no man is an island.
I'm sorry, it's none of my business.
How's, er, what's his name, Huge?
Hugh.
And I wouldn't say he's huge.
Always nice to see you.
Wait!
You've done something to your...
Well...
- Looks good. - Thank you.
Do... keep singing.
I shouldn't be eating this, really.
It's Mother's way of creating dependency in me.
Or she just likes cooking.
And why does she like cooking? It's where her power resides.
She's like a despot whose weapon is pie.
Don't be mean. She misses you.
I miss her.
While she's having a crisis,
you just stay here in your little hidey-hole.
- So, are you dragging lots of girls up here? - Mmm.
There's a couple under the bed.
What?
Don't tell Mother, but Vasilia came to see me.
You mustn't get together with her.
- I won't! - She's a nightmare.
She's our landlady. She'll evict us if we're not careful.
I know. I'm not an idiot.
I can't believe it, another spot.
It's thwarted hormones. Get a boyfriend.
I won't now I've got three spots.
- Settle for anyone half-decent. - No!
I'm holding out for someone gorgeous.
But who's also aware of the mass prejudice against women.
Mrs Durrells, what are you doing?
I'm living for the moment.
What?
Ooh!
Oh, be a love.
What are you doing?
I'm assessing you for a portrait.
Leslie has become a photographer. He's got a studio and everything.
He's brilliant.
Let me photograph you, Spiros.
- My rates are very reasonable. - No.
- I know what I look like. - What about your wife and children?
I especially know what they look like.
You used to have a photo of them on your windscreen.
No, that was the Greek royal family.
Similar -- much loved but very expensive.
Ooh!
Quel age as tu?
Je m'appelle Gerry.
Non!
Je n'ai pas dit comment t'appelles-tu!
Right. I can see you feel quite strongly about that.
Quel... age.
as tu?
Did I mention the je m'appelle Gerry?
I'd love to know a bit more about you, Mr Kralefsky.
I'm sure you've led a fascinating life.
Oh, yes, in fact I have.
What was the most fascinating thing?
Oh.
Hello, Leslie.
- Oh, hello. - Where's your mother?
- I'm glad you're here, actually. - How is she?
Brooding about Sven, wanting to be 20 again.
More importantly, I'm doing a special offer on photo portraits
- so do sign up. - Certainly.
Oh, good.
Erm, I don't mean to pry, but, erm...
.. what's the truth about Sven?
Why didn't they marry?
Well, they liked each other but not...
Just not in the right way, yes, I know the party line.
It's just that I like your mother.
And I-I want to understand her a bit better.
Sven...
.. is a homosexual.
Ah.
You mustn't tell anyone. It's illegal.
Yeah.
Do you want to buy some sticky buns?
I plunged my hand
into the dog's mouth and twisted his tongue.
But I hung on grimly,
for what seemed like an age, until he went limp.
The creature had been suffocated by its own tongue.
- Woah, blimey. - And then...
If you'll excuse me, I want to "go and see Mother".
- Oh, really? - Yes.
Oh! Very well.
I will escort you.... This way.
I'll be fine now.
Mother?
Mother, dear.
Gerry here wanted to see you.
Oh, I'm flattered.
Nowadays so many people consider a person of my age to be a bore.
Goodness, no. I absolutely wanted to see you.
Come and sit down.
Excuse me. I need the lavatory.
- Where's the lamp? It's so dark. - No, I've got too many spots.
- I can't let anyone see them. - Don't be ridiculous.
So...
.. what do you think?
I think you should wear clothes for your own age group.
Oh. Really?
Um, I don't want to worry you
but Larry says Vasilia's after him.
Larry's not that stupid.
What brings you here?
- English lessons or...? - No.
The teacher will be me, I think.
Look, obviously you're very easy on the eye,
but you used to go out with my mother's gentleman friend, so...
Old history.
But to quote James Joyce's Ulysses: "History is a nightmare...
.. from which I am trying to awake."
How's your daughter's pregnancy going, Lugaretzia?
- She eat many anchovies. - Oh.
Well, I hear that's a common craving.
- And newspaper. - Probably not quite so common.
Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you. I-I thought you didn't have any money.
Well, to be honest this was cheap.
Ooh.
It's very comfy.
It's very classical and motherly. Promise you'll wear it?
Yes.
Not to do the gardening in. In public.
Yes, in public.
Thank you.
Orea!
He was a brute, and I cannot abide a man
ill-treating a lady.
So I instantly threw him onto his back,
- shaming him, and won the lady. - Ah.
But let us return to our French.
- Quelle heure...? - Please show me how you threw him.
Oh, er, very well.
Come at me.
- Perhaps I shouldn't. - As you wish.
Quelle heure est-il?
Oops.
Oh, la la. Oh.
Ah, no. Ah.
- Oh, hello. - Hello.
What do we look like?
I don't normally arrive with a watermelon,
but Leslie asked me to bring one for my photographic portrait.
Oh, I see.
Do you normally walk pelicans?
Um, yes, yes,
Gerry likes his animals to have a bit of a jaunt every day, so...
Thank you. That's a nice big one.
Do come in.
You've decided to wear that, have you?
Yes. Good idea, the addition of fruit.
It's artistic, isn't it? Look, it's in the book.
Ah.
Oh. Mm.
So, what I'm doing is I'm turning light into paper.
- Ah. - Shall we just...?
There. There.
Looks like you've found your niche, Leslie.
Well done.
What's your niche?
Olives.
Nice.
- Nice niche. - Thank you.
Ah! How was your photography session?
Excellent.
Have some watermelon. Leslie dropped it.
Thank you.
Um.
You and me.
Look, I know you don't want to mire yourself
- in another mismatch after Sven. - No, no, I don't, but I...
I know why you couldn't marry him.
Louisa!
You're behind the times, actually.
He's... he's got a girlfriend.
Oh, that's what it's all about. I see.
Oh, hello, darling.
Margo's got a couple of spots so she's sent her face into hiding.
Margo, perfection is tedious.
- You're better than that. - Thank you.
Is that the dress I gave you?
Er, yes, I've adapted it, actually.
I made it into two dresses,
so now... we can go into town like twin sisters.
Well,... I like it.
Thank you.
Oh.
Larry, it's your mother!
Wardrobe!
Do I look like a jacket?
Surprise!
Oh, Larry!
- I'm not good enough for your son? - No, you're not.
Let's not get all blamey and judgey.
It's so obvious that she's using you.
I could just as easily be using her. Not that I am. That would be rude.
She's twice your age!
- Are you 15? - No, I'm not 15!
Not that age matters.
You fell out with Nancy, and now this.
That was different! I liked Nancy.
And I... I didn't want to lose you.
- Your mummy brings you food? - I don't ask her for it.
- She is dangerous, Larry. - Yes, I am.
- And what are you? - I am a mother.
Mmm, boring. I'm a woman.
Your dress has a crack.
Too tight.
I will be, wear, and do as I wish.
As you will find out.
"I am a woman."... Sod off.
Mum, Mr Kralefsky can't teach me for a while.
- Oh, yes, he can. - No, really.
- He's cracked a collarbone. - No! How?
He was demonstrating how he wrestled with a brute and won a lady.
I think he tends to exaggerate.
And I sort of wrestled him and won. Anyway, bye.
Hello. I'm here for my session with society photographer Leslie Durrell.
Well, do come in.
And to apologise for my fossil gaffe.
My aim was to show eternal beauty.
Theo, I can see you now.
I've had a late cancellation.
My model has cried off due to a skin complaint,
even though I told her I needed the practice.
- How was your journey, was it OK? - Brilliant. - Lovely.
Little boy, where is your mother?
In the kitchen.
Use your brain.
- You have repaired your clothes. - Yes.
Why are you trying to be what you are not?
Since you're showing an interest, I was bored with what I'd become.
- I am never bored with me. - No, I sensed that.
Can I photograph you?
- No, you can't. - No, I know, but... - Thank you. - Yes, but...
So, what can I do for you?
You are angry I am with Larry.
Oh, goodness no, I'm just pleased Larry's finally found a girlfriend.
I never thought that would happen.
And an older woman too, perfect for him to learn the ropes.
- He is handsome. - Mmm. Well, I'm pleased you think so.
I mean that's all that matters.
Well, I know how busy you are, so why don't I give you
this month's rent and... then we can say our goodbyes.
I'll give up your son, if you give up Hugh.
Hey, slow down there!
Stop!
Stop, please.
I... I felt like an intruder.
I would have introduced you.
Look I-I can't move on with my life
if I keep thinking that it could've been with you.
- Please don't keep me guessing. - She is an old friend from Sweden.
Rosalint.
She's very bossy.
And his name is Viggo.
And I love him.
I'm not fighting it any more.
Our love is like... like buried treasure.
Dig it up when nobody's looking,
and then people come and we have to hide it again.
I'm so glad you've found someone.
I will always love you, too.
I don't want to mess up you and Huge.
I think we'll be all right now.
- And you know it's Hugh, don't you? - Yeah.
Oh, there's Viggo, he's learning the accordion.
Now I understand what you mean about it being annoying.
- Larry. - Mmm?
Come here.
No, I'm working.
- We are good together. - Mmm.
And in Greece...
.. when a man and a woman are good together, they get married.
You're not exactly a blushing virgin.
If you do ever get married, I'd suggest a scarlet dress.
Whatever you say, darling.
I thought you'd see marriage as rather bourgeois.
You'll be telling me you've already chosen your children's names next.
Aristedes and Vasilia Junior.
I shouldn't even be thinking about her tawdry deal,
- but I do so fear for Larry. - Of course.
And the ghost of Sven's making Hugh cross.
Ah.
I don't even know who I am any more.
I want to be young, but... I'd love serenity.
I want to be more like you.
No, no, please...
.. be more like you.
Hello, Gerrys, good morning!
Give me a pelican!
Give me an otter.
- Oh, Mrs Durrells, I bring you Mr Kralefskys. - Ah!
He can't get out of the car because it hurts.
Oh, Mr Kralefsky, I am so sorry about what happened.
Gerry...
They say that there is no fool like an old fool
and I am the living, hobbling proof.
Oh. Well, thank you.
How were Gerry's studies going? His French?
Well, you know, Mrs Durrell,
[little by little, the bird makes its nest.]
Mm. Well, yes, I mean, we're always saying that, aren't we?
Yes.
- So you'll have him back? - No.
- Tutoring is clearly too dangerous. - Are you sure?
It's impossible to find a good tutor. Even Spiros had a go.
Yes, I'm afraid so.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must go to see Mother.
Oh, erm, well, it's an outside one, I'm afraid.
Er... Oh.
They're ready, Mum. Look.
Happy birthday.
♪ Don't let yourself get hotcha
♪ Don't let your love go wrong
♪ Don't let the moonlight get you
♪ Don't let a stranger pet you
♪ Don't let a kiss upset you
Oh, no... I can do them again.
I'm just learning.
- Have I let you down? - No, it's not you.
I'm ghastly.
This is what I've looked like recently?
No.
I think my experiments with looking younger are over, don't you?
Yes, please.
- Leslie, darling, take some more photographs. - Yes.
God knows we're not perfect, but... let's celebrate the real us.
OK.
Go that way. Go that way.
Smile. Mouth closed. Lovely.
Stop!
Larry, Larry, Larry.
Useless, isn't it? Margo.
Beautiful. Really nice.
Hello.
I've, er, come to settle my photography bill.
Oh, thank you. Leslie's just...
No, I haven't, I've come to see you.
Happy birthday.
I shouldn't have got involved in your history with Sven.
It's fine, it's all resolved.
I'm sorry I was difficult.
You're forgetting that my last girlfriend was Vasilia.
No, I'm not. She's seeing my son Larry.
Yes, I know. I'm sorry.
She said she'd stop if I stopped seeing you.
The awful thing is, I thought about it.
Please don't do that.
Trust me, it won't last.
- Mother, we've decided... Oh, morning, Hugh. - Morning!
We've decided to give your birthday picnic another go.
Oh. I got in a bit of a state about the whole ageing thing.
- Morning, Hugh. - Gerry.
Margo won't come out of her room cos she's up to eight spots.
What breakfast is flat enough to slide under a door?
- Bacon? - Toast.
- Kalimera. - Donald!
- Hey, pal. - You're back!
- How you doing? - I'm good.
- What's in your rucksack? - Can you help me get this off?
I toppled over in Kefalonia and it took me ten minutes to right myself.
Um, where's Margo?
She won't get out of her bedroom.
So they're making her some flat breakfast.
That should do it.
- So Larry moved out? - Yes.
So you can stay until he gets back.
- He's coming back? - Oh, yes.
So, why is Margo locked in her room?
Let's ask her, shall we?
Margo?
Margo, tell Donald why you're hiding.
I've got spots.
She's there.
- Hello, Margo. - Hello, Donald.
[I am stiff! Dear, oh dear!]
Donald, have you got a job?
No. I need one, actually,
now that Max isn't paying for everything.
Would you live in and be Gerry's tutor?
♪ Milo muo kokkino
♪ Roido vameno
♪ Yiati me maranes
♪ To pikrameno...
- Did you talk to Sven? - Yes.
- What a lovely man. - Yes, he is.
Thank you.
- Happy with life now? - Oh, goodness, no.
There's always far too much to worry about.
But you know I was thinking -- I've been fretting about my age,
but Vasilia has taken a younger man to feel better about herself.
So, I win.
Shall we?
- Can I show you my photos? - Mmm. Course.
What would you say your, er, style is?
- What's my style? - Mmm.
- I suppose you could describe it as a "good style". - A good style.
- Is that a style? - It is now.
- Can I photograph your baby when it comes? - Yes.
But not like that.
I'm down to one major spot now,
and these two which are like evil twins,
but basically they're much better now.
And that is, as I predicted,
because you have the adoration of a good man
- soothing your raging hormones. - I don't know.
The one on my forehead, which was really angry,
- it's nearly gone now but it... - Stop!
That's ten minutes talking about your spots.
I am fiercely intelligent.
- I've had a novel published. - Oh, shut up.
Anyway, I'm not talking to you now you're seeing that hateful woman.
OK, group photo, everyone.
It's quite complicated so I will need some discipline.
- Come on, come on. - Line up just here.
Just check...
So, Larry, what will it take
to persuade you to come home and change your girlfriend?
- I'm afraid I'm my own person now. - Mmm, no you're not.
Not while you're living ten minutes away from your mother by donkey.
Let's see those smiles, everyone.
I'll find you a nice girlfriend.
I wouldn't if I were you.
I'm getting married to Vasilia.
The forecast says two days of torrential rain.
- I hate being shut up inside! - Do my testicles look bigger?
- No Larry, no. - Everyone gets mumps.
It's like a clown's name.
This is Mrs Haddock.
Why are there animals in the house?
Mrs Haddock is a spiritualist.
I've got an awful feeling about this.
Your husband is reaching out for you.
How did you do this?