大家字幕組 EVERYONE 翻譯 浦和 薛定諤 Noah 好樂嘚 時間軸 小鱷魚 Alison 特效 薛定諤 Anye 校對 Glory 薛定諤 ?
"賽琳娜·梅耶不僅僅是打碎了這層玻璃 "Selina Meyer didn't just shatter the glass ceiling,
塞琳娜·梅耶辦公室 上午九時零五分
她還清理走了每一片碎片 she swept up every single shard
這樣她的女兒和我的女兒 so that my daughter and your daughters
就永遠不會知道它曾經存在過" will never even know it existed."
這話講的我都性奮起來了! Well, that just tickles my twat!
天啊 蒙特茲真的要在我肖像揭幕儀式上 Gosh, Montez is actually gonna say that
用英文發表這個演講? at my portrait unveiling in English?
是的 在華盛頓最舉足輕重的200人面前 Yeah, in front of 200 of Washington's most important people.
- 包括邁克 - 看見沒 邁克? 這才叫文筆好 - And Mike. - See, Mike? That is good writing.
- 你為什么就寫不了這么好? - 我早就承認了 - Why can't you write like that? - I'm the first to admit
我不是這個世界上演講稿寫的最好的人 i'm not the world's greatest speech writer.
夫人 白宮想要你確定最終的來賓名單 Ma'am, the White House wants us to finalize your guest list
截止日期是... 昨天的明天 by the day after... yesterday.
那就是今天了 So, today. That's a bit
- 腦袋有點轉不過來 - 這票很火的 - of a brain twister. - It's a hot ticket.
國會議員喬納·瑞安怎樣? What about Congressman Jonah Ryan?
理查德 你什么時候這么幽默了 Richard, you have such a good sense of humor.
艾米 你真應該多學學人家 真的 Amy, you should take a cue from him, really.
格雷格·莫豪斯來參會了 Greg Morehouse is here for our meeting.
- 他是你的編輯 - 我知道 - He's your editor. - I know that.
嗨 格雷格! Hey, Greg!
你需要咖啡還是茶還是... ? Can we get you some coffee or some tea or...?
- 你們這里有白毫銀針嗎? - 我有! - Do you have some bai hao white tip? - I do!
噢 快去拿吧 Oh, well, there you go.
你認為我們的原稿怎么樣? So, what did you think of the manuscript?
還比較粗糙 所以.. It's rough, of course,but...
我認為讀起來很有趣 I think it's really interesting.
- 噢 我真開心! - 父親與馬那一部分 - Oh, I'm so happy! - The dad and the horse.
我懂 是吧? I know, right? Well...
- 只是有一點還需說一下 - 當然 - There's just one little thing. - Sure.
書里面需要提及更多的總統生涯 We do need a bit more of the presidency in there.
我是說 這書寫到了你去讀大學就結束了 I mean, the book ends with you going off to college.
是的 而總統那一部分 That's right, yes, and the presidential stuff
會在第二部 《梅耶·上升之路》里提及 will be in volume two-- "Meyer Ascendant."
- 和第三部《梅耶之年》 - 是的 - And three-- "The Meyer Year." - Yes.
我知道 如果你們繼續讓這本書走你們規劃好的這條路 I get that, and if you wanna stick with this book as is,
我完全理解 I completely understand.
但是我們需要收回我們的預付款 We're just gonna need our advance back.
- 我們有預付款? - 閉嘴 閉嘴 - There was an advance? - Quiet, quiet.
統
副
總
第六季 第七集
猶太文化介紹會 華府猶太社區中心 下午二時三十六分
摩西帶領他的子民到...? And Moses led his people to the land of...?
- 光明節 - 迦南 拉比 - Hanukkah. - Canaan, Rabbi.
閉嘴 尼基爾 這個傻逼帽子罩不住我的頭 Shut up, Nikhil. This stupid hat is too small for my head.
- 圓頂小帽 - 好吧 這傻逼帽子罩不住我的圓頂小帽 - Yarmulke. - Fine, this stupid hat is too small for my yarmulke.
沒事的 喬納 皈依猶太教的核心 It's okay, Jonah. Conversion to Judaism
就是忠誠于猶太教的生活方式 is about a commitment to the Jewish lifestyle.
真的嗎 因為學習了這么多我圓頂小帽都開始疼了 Oh, good, 'cause all this learning is giving me a yarmulke ache.
提醒一下大家 Just to remind everybody that next week,
下周我們會重返圣所 we'll be rededicating the sanctuary.
抱歉 我要去白宮 Sorry, I have to go to the White House.
總統梅耶肖像揭幕儀式 President Meyer's unveiling.
最終邀請名單出來了 The final invitation list went out,
你沒在名單上 and you're not on it.
我的個上帝! Oh, Jesus Christ!
抱歉 這話說了之后我還是可以上天堂 對吧? I'm sorry, I can say that now and still get into heaven, right?
事實上 喬納 猶太人不相信天堂 Actually, Jonah, Jews don't believe in heaven.
你他媽閉嘴 尼基爾! Shut the fuck up, Nikhil!
等等 肖妮 我這怎么還能跟我的狗見面啊? Wait, Shawnee, how am I gonna see my dog again?
有沒有什么猶太地方 是狗死了之后去的? Is there, like, a Jew place for dogs?
凱瑟琳家褐石屋 上午八時十一分
好的 邁克 我們有30天來完成新的稿子 All right, Mike, we got 30 days to write a new draft.
翻翻那本日記 選個日子 我們開寫 Get out that diary, pick a day, and let's go.
- 6月14日 寫滿了日記的這一天 - 噢 好的 開始 - June 14th. Ooh, chock full. - Oh, goody! Great. Go.
基礎設施法案簡報 Briefing on infrastructure bill,
威奇托公證組緊急會議 clutch with Wichita notary group,
關于醫藥標簽問題立法會議 review on legislative
的回顧評論 conference regarding pharmaceutical labeling.
我們完了 We're fucked.
我一點都不記得你提及的這些事了 I don't even remember any of that.
有些事情太無聊了 Some things are so dull,
- 以至于你的腦袋把它們都屏蔽了 - 可不是的 - you have to block them out. - No kidding.
我是說 我很確定 I mean, I'm sure that I
凱瑟琳小時候我陪她玩了 played with Catherine when she was a child...
但是在我的生活中 我記不起來有這么一時間 ...but for the life of me, I can't remember one second.
噢 說曹操 曹操到 Oh, and there she is.
媽 我們今天在醫生那里檢查了身體 Mom, we had a great wellness check at the doctor's today.
- 所以 是女孩還是男孩? - 噢 是的 - So, is it a boy, is it a girl? - Oh, right.
是個小孩 It's a baby.
不 我們不搞那一套 No.We're not doing that.
媽 我們不想知道胎兒性別 No, Mom, we don't wanna know.
凱瑟琳 你在我孫女的性別問題上上 Catherine, you are not going to be coy or twee
可不許這么矯情 about the sex of my grandchild.
你是在撫育一個小生命 This is a human being you're making,
不是什么來自布魯克林的手工巧克力棒 not some Brooklyn-based, artisanal chocolate bar.
胎兒性別不是那么重要 Birth gender isn't even that relevant.
她/他準備好之后會自行決定她/他是她還是他 She/he will decide her/his ideal gender when she/he is/are ready.
好吧 我們之后就要這樣嗎 馬喬里? Okay, is that how we're talking now, Marjorie,
就像啥都不知道的小豬仔? like some sort of bi-curious Porky Pig?
我不會這樣的 I'm not doing that.
我有個變性了兩次的舅媽 I had an aunt who transitioned twice.
她被男性身體束縛 She was trapped inside a man,
而那個男性又被另外一個女性束縛 and then that man was trapped inside of another woman.
- 就像火(雞)鴨一樣 - 嗯哼 - Oh, like a turducken. - Mm-hmm.
媽 這事沒那么重要 Mom, it's not that big of a deal.
我們已經取好適用的名字了 We have baby names picked out either way.
男孩的話就萊斯利或黛娜(女名) Yes, Leslie or Dana if it's a boy and...
女孩的話就是萊納斯(男名) And for a girl we like Linus.
- 你講真? - 這聽起來就像虐待孩童 - Seriously? - That feels like child abuse.
是的 好吧 我做不到 Yes. Okay, I can't.
你能不能離開 凱瑟琳? Can you just go away, Catherine?
沒事 我們也遲到了 That's fine. We're late anyway.
理查德有伴侶分娩課程 我們帶了零食 Richard has doula class and we're bringing the snacks.
- 什么 - 這會是我第一次見證人類誕生 所以 - What? - It'll be my first human birth, so.
- 到底發生了什么? - 發生了什么 - What is happening? - What is happening?
- 這真是 - 性別很簡單! - It just... - Gender is simple!
- 是的 - 你是個女孩 我是個男孩 - Right. - You're a girl, I'm a boy.
嘿 你覺得蕾絲邊這件事怎樣? Well. Hey, what about some of that lezzy stuff?
你覺得這會給書加點料嗎? You think that would spice up the book?
凱瑟琳與你的特勤局特工的禁忌之戀? Catherine's forbidden affair with your Secret Service agent.
嗯 不過我說 Yeah, but, I mean, does anybody
人們真的會關注對兩個外貌中庸的人搞姬嗎? really give a shit about two average-looking lesbians?
我倒是不介意 I don't mind them.
我告訴你什么會讓人們抓狂 I'll tell you one thing people would flip out about.
關于我性生活的書 A book about my sex life.
說真的 很明顯 我們不能這樣做 Seriously. I mean, obviously, we can't do that.
- 我們是不能 - 真的嗎? 為什么不行? - Yeah, you can't do that. - Really? Why can't we?
- 你可以的 - 我是說 這書絕對會火 - You can do that. - I mean, that book would fly off the shelves.
- 超火 - 無論書多貴人們都會買的 你知道嗎? - Fly. - People would pay whatever it is a book costs, you know?
人們都知道我跟查理·貝爾德約會過 And everybody knows that I dated Charlie Baird.
噢 查理 Aw, Charlie.
但是我還睡過其他人 But there's somebody else that I slept with.
其他我與之工作過的人 Somebody that I worked with closely.
無意冒犯 夫人 我們都知道你和肯特... All due respect, ma'am, we all knew you were, uh...
- 這樣過 - 肯特? - ...with Kent. - Kent?!
我下面又不是一個數據端口 My snatch isn't a data port!
你在說什么? What are you talking about?
我跟湯姆·詹姆斯睡過 I slept with Tom James!
在狂熱的白宮 In the white-hot White House.
和你的競選伙伴在總統辦公室? In the Oval with your running mate?!
- 在沙發上 - 夫人 我們肯定能寫出暢銷書了! - On a couch. - Ma'am, we have a best-seller!
我是說 是在綠廳干的 但是 I mean, it was the Green Room, but.
什么? 你怎么知道 What? How do you know that?
你說是在國會舞會上 You-- you said it was at the Congressional Ball.
- 我這樣說過? - 好像是的 - Oh, did I say that? - I think so.
- 真的嗎? - 夫人 我們有最佳暢銷了 最佳! - Did I? - Ma'am, we got gold. Gold!
你覺得我應該跟他打個電話嗎? Do you think I should give him a call?
- 這么做會顯得您很有風度 - 我去弄他的號碼 - That's a classy move. - Yeah, I'll get his number.
或者我去跟他本人見個面 Or I could go and I could see him in person.
不不不不不不不 No, no, no, no, no, no.
您想讓我跟著去嗎? 我可以記點筆記 You want me to go with? I can take notes.
- 好好好好好 - 不要 - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - No. Mm-mm.
接下來是新版的"今晨CBS" It's the new "CBS This Morning."
今晨CBS
歡迎來到新版"今晨CBS" Welcome to the new "CBS This Morning."
- 我是丹·伊艮 - 我是布瑞·拉瑪錢德朗 - I'm Dan Egan. - And I'm Brie Ramachandran.
簡·麥克凱布在忙自己的特殊任務 Jane McCabe is on special assignment.
我們在新罕布什爾州迎接新的一天 We start our day in the state of New Hampshire
在新罕布什爾州 颶風克洛伊有了致命的轉折 where Hurricane Chloe has taken a turn for the deadly.
真無聊 So boring.
老天 他坐在那里 God, how can anybody jerk off to her
誰能有心情自慰啊? with him sitting right there?
你總會找到法子的 國會議員先生 I'm sure you'll find a way, Congressman.
倫理委員會就快結束調查 The Ethics Committee is debating ending its probe
勒爾代表的楠塔基特之旅了 into Representative Lawler's Nantucket trip.
即使有他亂用可卡因和違規劃船的證據 You will vote yes despite the strong evidence
你也要投贊成票 of cocaine use and reckless boating.
- 那家伙確實知道怎么搞事情 - 周二 - That guy knows how to party. - Then Tuesday,
你要去參加提高債務上限的會議 you have the White House meeting on raising the debt ceiling.
除非他們能再延緩幾個月 Unless they try to kick it down the road for a couple of months
然后祈禱我們被彗星撞了 and hope we get hit by an asteroid.
你有沒有在聽我們講話啊? Are you listening to anything we're saying?
聽了聽了! 可卡因 劃船 小行星 愛啥啥! Yeah! Cocaine, boating, asteroids, whatever!
你們倆有沒有被邀請去參加這個揭幕式呀? Did you guys get invited to this unveiling thing?
- 肯定被邀請了呀 - 為什么你倆能被邀請我卻沒有呢? - Naturally. - How come you guys got invited and I didn't?
因為我們曾經在總統手底下工作 Because we worked for the president
而且我們不但沒有毀掉她的任期 and didn't cost her the presidency.
長得也不像那個總愛調戲胖乎乎的狼人小孩的 And because we don't look like Herman Munster's brother
赫爾曼·明斯特(CBS劇集角色 長相酷似弗蘭肯斯坦的怪物)的兄弟 who liked to molest that pudgy werewolf kid.
叫查理 是弗雷德·格溫演的 出現在第一季第九集 Charlie, also played by Fred Gwynne. Season one, episode nine.
肯特 我能當你的陪客嗎? Kent, can I have your plus-one?
不行 我要帶我的回力球教練出席 No, I'm bringing my jai alai instructor.
- 女的 - 算是女的吧 - Female. - Ish.
- 那我當你陪客行嗎? - 我是為你工作的 不是跟你約會的 - What about your plus-one? - I work for you, I don't date you.
那我就去招聘幾個女職員 Maybe I'm gonna go hire some women,
然后強迫她們跟我約會 and I'm gonna make them date me.
明日新聞 一名侵犯狗狗的性犯罪者被登記在案 And tomorrow, a sex offender registry for dogs.
- 也是時候了 - 沒錯 - It's about time. - Mm-hmm.
我們到時再見 我是布瑞·拉瑪錢德 Until then, I'm Brie Ramachandran.
我是丹·伊艮 每天清晨將為您帶來以后 And I'm Dan Egan, bringing you your morning
許許多多個早晨的早間新聞 every morning of every day for many mornings to come.
可以停機了 完美 謝謝大家! And we are clear. Great show, people!
你覺得我的新結束語怎么樣? What'd you think of that new sign-off?
你聽起來像個科學神教信徒 You sound like a Scientologist.
- 真的嗎? - 算是吧 - Really? - Kind of.
我能跟你談一下嗎 你們倆 就在這談談? Can I talk to you for a second-- actually, both of you, in here?
- 好啊 - 我們收到了對于 - Yeah. - So, we got the results back
新主持搭檔調研的結果 from the first testing of the new host pairing.
- 喔 太好了! - 我們收回的數據里有些有趣的建議 - Oh, good! - And something interesting jumps out from the data,
那就是人們說你們之間沒有一點點火花 which is people say that you two don't have any chemistry,
是他們說的啊 可不是我說的 不過其實是我說的 which is their words, not mine, but also mine.
我從來沒跟任何一個女人有過火花 I've never not had chemistry with a woman.
觀眾喜歡你跟簡之間的火花 People like the energy that you and Jane had.
那種生猛又性感的火花 因為你們倆以前... It was this raw, sexual vibe because you two were...
蒼天啊 我們沒有搞在一起! Jesus, we were not fucking!
好吧 沒搞在一起是彼此相愛行了吧 不管是啥 我不想知道! Okay, going down on each other, whatever. I don't wanna know!
- 我的天啊! - 重點是 觀眾覺得你們之間沒什么互動 - Oh, my God! - The point is people find you two cold together.
- 但是 但是我們倆才真正有一腿啊 - 丹! - But I-- I'm actually fucking her. - Dan!
- 你不是跟一個洋基隊的訂婚了嗎? - 是啊 - Aren't you engaged to a Yankee? - Yeah, I am.
- 這就是我為什么要你不要告訴任何人我們之間的關系的原因 - 好甜蜜啊 - That's why I told you not to tell anybody. - Aw,
聽著 丹 布瑞 你們不用亂編一些睡在一起之類的 Look, Dan, Brie, you two don't have to make up this crazy story
- 瞎話來騙我 - 我們不是編的 好不好? - about you two fucking. - We're not making this up, okay?
- 我們就是睡在一起了! - 而且睡了很多次 - We are fucking! - Like, a lot.
那你們倆應該換個新姿勢了 我感覺 Maybe you two should fuck differently, then. I don't know.
你越界了喲 哥們 That's where I draw the line, man.
我不需要別人告訴我我應該怎么做愛 I don't take notes on how I fuck.
但是呢 我是很愿意接受一切意見和建議的 I, however-- I am willing to do anything,
因為我可不想丟了工作 特別是不能在我結婚之前! because I cannot lose this job, not before my wedding!
呃 還有一件小事哈 Um, also-- just a little thing here--
觀眾們不喜歡看你穿黃色的衣服 people don't like you in yellow.
- 好吧 - 你看吧 我告訴過你的 - Okay. - Dan: See? Told you.
詹姆斯敦首府 下午一時十二分
蒼天啊 湯姆 Jesus Christ, Tom.
- 這是什么鬼? - 這些都是臨時的 - What is this? - This is just temporary.
我們下個月要搬去大辦公室了 We're moving into the big office next month.
啊 這樣太好了 我剛剛都被憋抽筋了 Oh, good, yeah. I was feeling cramped. -
- 天啊 看看你 你還一直很忙嗎? - 是啊 - My goodness, look at you. You keeping busy? - I am.
事實上 我跟出版社簽了合同 Yeah, I made a deal to write a book,
要寫一本書 as a matter of fact.
這還蠻巧合的 因為我也寫了 Well, that's funny because I did, too.
是啊 我為你即將出版的書寫了篇簡介 Yes, I wrote a blurb for your upcoming tome.
- 啊 當然是你寫了 - 盡一份綿薄之力嘛 - Of course you did. - Sight unseen.
那... 題目是什么來的 Yeah, what is-- the title is
- 《良心之選》? - "良心" 沒錯 - "Investing with a Conscience"? - "Conscience," Yes.
所以 是科幻題材的嗎? So, it's sci-fi?
只是為了吸引眼球罷了 Just trying to keep the lights on.
關于我寫的這本書 Well, the book that I'm writing,
我想稍微跟你說一下 I wanted to give you a heads-up
因為我正在考慮想要 'cause I was toying with the notion of--
寫一些關于我們的... of perhaps mentioning our...
我們的相遇 our little encounter.
賽琳娜 那個 不好意思打斷了你 Selina, there's-- I'm sorry to interrupt.
- 沒關系 - 我有些話想對你說 - No, that's all right. - There's something I wanted to say.
你知道的 你選擇我當你的競選搭檔 You know, you did me the honor
是我的榮幸... of choosing me as your running mate...
- 嗯嗯 - ...而我卻用背叛回報了這份榮幸 - Mm-hmm. - ...and I repaid that honor with betrayal.
是啊 Yeah.
我想是我的自負讓我 I guess my ego allowed me
相信我這個和氣的老家伙湯姆·詹姆斯 to believe that folksy, old Tom James
比那些華盛頓的馬糞強得多 was above all that beltway horseshit.
但是到頭來 我只不過是一只以《奔騰年代》(關于馴馬賽馬的電影)中 And in the end, I just turned out to be another blue bot
堆得高聳的馬飼料為食的肉蠅罷了 feeding on a heaping mouthful of Seabiscuit's finest.
天啊! Wow!
我不是來這里聽你的道歉的 I didn't come here to ask for an apology,
但能聽到你的道歉 but I certainly appreciate
- 我還是很高興的 - 我本應該跟你道歉 - getting one from you. - You deserve it.
如果能讓你好過一點 If it makes you feel any better,
如果當時我是你的話 if I was in your shoes, I
我也會篡權的 probably would've tried to steal the presidency, too.
就是這些想法使得我們的組合不堪一擊啊 Well, that's what made the two of us such a beatable combination.
沒錯 Yeah.
賽琳娜 我求你了 不要這么做 Selina, I beg you, please don't do this.
- 喔 - 我現在過著新的人生 迎娶了新的妻子 - Oh. - I have a new life, I have a new wife.
我們有了第一個孩子 And we are expecting our first child.
- 恭喜啊 - 謝謝 - Congratulations. - Thank you.
如果認為我們曾經的互相交換過的 She would be dialing a divorce lawyer
不只是小紙條的話(暗指他與賽琳娜曾經搞在一起過) if she ever thought that you and I had swapped more than,
她肯定會召喚一名離婚律師的 you know, appreciative memos.
- 你能理解嗎? - 我能 - You understand that? - I do.
我想 Well, I guess
我只能再發散思維思考一下我的書了 I will have to think outside my box.
嗯嗯 Right.
啊 天啊 為什么我當時非得跟 Oh, my God, why did I have to fuck
華盛頓最后一位紳士搞在一起呢? the last remaining gentleman in Washington?
- 天啊! - 誰說的? 是多莉·麥德森嗎? - God! - Who said that? Was that Dolley Madison?
是詹姆斯·麥德森說的 It was James Madison.
- 麥克 站起來吧 - 談得怎么樣? - Okay, Mike, get up. - So, how'd it go?
他求我不要寫進書里 Well, he just begged me not to put it in.
所以我們就只字不提了? So, none of it goes in the book?
- 不 事無巨細地寫 - 很好 - No, it all goes in. - Good.
美國總統辦公室 上午九時四十五分
對于債務上限的事宜 With regards to the debt ceiling,
我想我們應該一致同意我們誰都不想 I think we can all agree that none of us wants to play politics
跟美國人民的全部信仰與信用積分玩政治把戲 with the full faith and credit of the United States.
我把你們帶到這里... I brought you here...
嗨 你有沒有被邀請去參加梅耶肖像的揭幕式啊? Hey, did you get invited to the Meyer unveiling?
每個人都被邀請了 除非你是只鼴鼠 Everyone was unless you're a mole person
因為猥褻下水道里的老鼠 who was cast out of his underground society
被驅逐出了地下社會 for keistering sewer rats.
- 我沒被邀請 - 我知道啊 - I wasn't invited. - I know.
- 羅杰 - 總統女士 - Roger. - Madam President,
我另一黨派的極端主義同僚們 my extremist colleagues on the other side of the aisle
已然向我們國家的窮人和弱勢群體發動了 have launched a full-fledged and savage attack
一場全面而野蠻的攻擊 against the poor and disadvantaged of this country.
你沉迷于大手大腳地花錢大 就跟個喝多了的水手一樣 You are addicted to spending like the proverbial drunken sailor.
好了 討價還價的話我說完了 Okay, that part's done.
我可以先凍結家庭子女補助計劃款項的增長率 I can give you a freeze on the rate of increase
還有所有預啟動款 但是醫療保險這部分款項我可不會松口 on AFDC and all the Head Start cuts, but no dice on Medicare.
- 我可以接受 - 好了 先生們 - I can live with that. - All right, gentlemen,
我們明天把這事搞定 let's get this passed tomorrow.
呃 不好意思 卡羅索女士 因為某些疏忽 Uh, excuse me, Ms. Caruso, due to some oversight,
我沒有拿到揭幕式的邀請函 I did not receive my invite to the unveiling ceremony.
我建議你去問問梅耶總統團隊里的人 I suggest you ask someone from President Meyer's team.
- 凱蒂 你還好吧? - 她當然好了 - Candi, are you all right? - Of course she's all right.
為什么女人們總是要在我跟別的女人講話的時候 Why are women always checking in on one another
跑過來看看是不是一切都好? when I am talking to them?
女士 如果您能邀請我去參加揭幕式的話 Ma'am, I would appreciate it very much
我會十分感激您的 if I could have an invite to the unveiling thing.
邀請名單是梅耶總統的 That is President Meyer's invitation list.
按你的話說 這是她的狂歡 It is her fiesta, as you would say.
但是按你的話說 這可是你的白家(指白宮) Well, it's your casa white-o, as you would say.
- 總統女士 您還好吧? - 天啊 又來了 - Madam President, are you all right? - Oh, for God's sakes.
我喬納·瑞安還會回來的 You haven't heard the last of Jonah Ryan.
好了 杰弗森組織的成員們 請坐 Okay, Jeffersons, sit down.
美國國會黑人同盟二十分鐘之后要用這間屋子 The Black Caucus gets this room back in 20 minutes.
明智的人是不會招惹他們的 I do not wanna piss those guys off.
我們剛剛在討論我們的命名問題 Oh, we were talking about the name,
覺得櫻花樹粉碎者(國會外種有櫻花樹)聽起來更合適一點 and Cherry Tree Choppers sounds a lot more legitimate.
不!我們已經有名字了 No! We already picked a name.
我們是杰弗森組織 不許改了 We're the Jeffersons, period.
- 狂野騎士怎么樣? - 啊 臥槽 這個好! - How about the Rough Riders? - Oh, fuck, that's good!
不 我們已經有名字了 叫杰弗森組織 好嗎? No, we're already known as the Jeffersons, okay?
現在 我們要做一件事 And right now, we need to do something,
一件可以讓蒙特茲注意到我們的大事 something big that makes Montez really pay attention to us.
- 嗯嗯 - 比如終結"夏時制" - Mm-hmm. - Something like ending Daylight Savings Time.
- 同意 - 比如終結政府資源浪費 - Yes. - Something like ending government waste.
- 同意 - 或者削減對以色列的援助! - Yeah. - Cutting aid to Israel!
哇哦 不! 我們不能做這件事 你是不是瘋了? Whoa, no! We're not gonna do that. Are you crazy?
- 那就削減對退伍老兵的援助 - 同意! - Cutting aid to veterans. - Great!
- 他們是自愿入伍的 對吧? - 沒錯沒錯 - They volunteered, right? - Clark: Yeah, yeah.
這些事我們都要做 We're gonna do all these things,
而且 我們都要得到去揭幕式的邀請 and we're gonna get invited to that unveiling.
- 誰跟我一起? - 好啊! - Who's with me? Yeah! - All: Yeah!
- 好啊! - 等等 你沒被邀請? - Yeah! - Wait, you weren't invited?
- 沒有啊 你被邀請了? - 是啊 - No. Were you? - Yeah.
我滴個老天啊 Oh, for Christ's sake.
塞琳娜·梅耶辦公室 上午八時三十三分
為什么你老說湯姆·詹姆斯跟我有一腿? Why do you keep saying Tom James and I made love?
你是15歲的小姑娘嗎? Are you a 15-year-old girl?
- 不是啊 - 理查德! - No. - Richard!
- 是的 女士? - 我需要你給我的編輯打個電話 好嗎? - Yes, ma'am? - I want you to get my editor on the phone, okay?
不 你看 你不能用"干" 你要換個詞 No, see, you gotta find a different word than "Screwed."
要想出各種不同的罵人的詞太難了 It's just hard to come up with so many different ways to curse.
請稍等一下 梅耶總統馬上接電話 Please hold for President Meyer.
格雷格·莫豪斯已經接通了 女士 I've got Greg Morehouse for you, ma'am.
克雷格嗎?你好! Greg? Hello!
好了 我呢這里有一本關于白宮的書 Okay, so I have got a White House book
比南希·里根(里根總統夫人)的吸屌指南還要火辣 that is hotter than Nancy Reagan's guide to cocksucking.
我不跟你開玩笑 I kid you not.
你肯定特別高興! You are gonna be so pleased!
我... 神馬? I-- what?
哦 好 Oh, right.
理查德 去把電視打開 看CBS臺 Richard, go and turn on CBS right now.
我一會兒給你打回去 I'll call you back.
- 看 湯姆·詹姆斯在節目上 - 他看起來蠻帥的 - Hey, Tom James is on TV. - He looks good.
這就是為什么我一直認為 That's the reason I've
塞琳娜·梅耶的政治敏銳性 always said that Selina Meyer's political acumen
是跟任何華盛頓地區的官員一樣尖銳的 is sharp as any you'll find in Washington.
這何錯之有啊? 我的天 What's wrong with that? My goodness.
即使如此 我沒想到我會躺在白宮綠廳里的 Even so, I did not expect to find myself on a couch
一張沙發上 呃... in the Green Room at the White House, um...
和總統賽琳娜梅耶做愛 Having sex with President Selina Meyer.
- 是的 - 天啊 - Right. - Oh, my.
湯姆詹姆斯 向我們帶來爆炸性新聞 Tom James, who is telling us about the explosive revelations
出自他的《良心之選》一書 in his book "Investing with a Conscience,"
本月起將刊登于《名利場》雜志 excerpted in this month's "Vanity Fair."
《名利場》? 麥克 咱們怎么不知道這事? "Vanity Fair"? Mike, how did we not know about this?
他們幾個月前給我打了電話 They called me a couple months ago
我以為他們想 and I thought they were
讓我更新藥物處方 trying to get me to renew my prescription.
- 是訂閱費! - 我總是敬重的看待梅耶總統 - Subscription! - I had always looked up to President Meyer
看作一個導師 as something of a mentor.
她年長我一歲 She's a year older than me.
這他媽是假話! Okay, that is a fucking lie!
后續問題哪去了? I mean, where's the follow-up question?
- 這是虛假消息! - 對啊! - This is disinformation! - Yeah!
那么 參議員 是梅耶總統主動嗎 Now, Senator, was President Meyer the aggressor?
不是我說的 Your word, not mine.
但沒錯 But again, yes.
我可沒強奸他! I didn't rape him!
他倒想呢! He wishes!
女士 我覺得他們在談論你! Ma'am, I think he's talking about you!
我的嘉賓 湯姆·詹姆斯 My guest has been Tom James.
新書《良心之選》 The book is "Investing with a Conscience."
我不敢相信 我說這本爛出翔的書 I can't believe I said that steaming turd of a book
是對華爾街的全新認識 was a refreshing take on Wall Street
針對的是你的良心和笑點 aimed at your conscience and your funny bone.
- 你用了我寫的簡介 - 消停點吧 麥克 - Hey, you used my blurb! - Oh, quiet up, Mike.
凱瑟琳家褐石屋 晚上九時五十分
蓋瑞 給白宮打電話 Gary, call the White House
讓他們取消那個肖像揭幕什么的 and tell them to cancel that stupid portrait thing,
我不想去 'cause I don't wanna go.
你說什么呢? 你必須去 What are you talking about? You have to go.
我受不了了 你知道嗎? I just can't take this, you know?
我已經忍受了其他所有事情 I've taken the rest of it.
我接受了落選 I took the election loss,
我接受了安德魯的不忠 I took Andrew's infidelity,
凱瑟琳的"凱瑟琳化" Catherine's Catherine-ness, okay?
但這個我接受不了 But this I cannot take.
聽我說 湯姆是個弱雞 Listen to me, Tom is a weak man.
其實那次根本沒那么好 我跟你說 It wasn't even that good, I gotta tell you.
請給我這個機會 Oh, please give me the permission
明天當著他的面說 to tell that to his face tomorrow.
- 求求你了 - 哦老天爺 好吧 - Please, I beg you. - Oh, my God, right.
我忘了湯姆也會去 I forgot Tom is gonna be there.
這就像黑人歷史月 This is like Black History Month.
簡直沒有盡頭! It never fucking ends!
你想讓我69(口)他嗎? Do you want me to 69 him?
- 你是說86(除掉)他吧 - 對 - Oh, 86. - Yeah.
不行 那樣就真把這件事當回事了 No, because then it just becomes this thing.
好吧 那演講呢? 演講怎么辦? Okay, what about the speech? What about the speech, all right?
蒙特茲總統準備了一個很棒的贊美你的演講 President Montez is giving that amazing speech about you.
我還讓他們用了杰奎琳·肯尼迪的水晶杯服務 And I asked them to use the Jackie Kennedy crystal service.
- 真的? - 是的 - Really? - Yep.
自杰奎琳之后 Nobody since Jackie
沒有人像你一樣對國家貢獻這么多 has given as much for their country as you.
那倒是真的 That is true.
如果杰奎琳·肯尼迪能做到 If Jackie Kennedy can go through the day
她丈夫的腦漿灑在她裙子上 with her husband's philandering brains all over her dress
還高昂著頭 美麗奪目 and her head held high, looking stunning,
但我還是要說 even though they made her ride
他們讓她坐著敞篷車轉圈 簡直像觀賞動物 around in a convertible like an animal, I might add,
她能做到 那你明天也可以去白宮 you can go to the White House tomorrow
完全忘掉他十五分鐘 and forget all about those 15 minutes
還有他都沒解開你裙子拉鏈這碼事 where he couldn't even unzip the back of your dress.
等會 什么? 你怎么知道的? Wait a minute, what? How do you know that?
在麥克的記錄里 It was in Mike's notes.
好吧 Oh, right.
好吧 我會去的 Okay, fine, I'll go.
好嗎? 但我不會開心的 Okay? But I am not gonna have a good time.
而且只要有一個人向我提起湯姆詹姆斯 And if one person mentions Tom James to me,
我就要尿在潘趣酒的大碗里 I'm gonna go piss in that punch bowl.
- 這個國家配不上你 - 我知道 - This country doesn't deserve you. - I know it.
債務上限調整投票 上午十一時十八分
投票五分鐘之內結束 但我們票數還不夠 Voting closes in five minutes and we're still missing votes.
等會等會 抱歉孩子們 Well, well, well, sorry, boys,
今天沒有給迷你老二配小手電的投票 no votes today on legalizing tiny Fleshlights for micro wangs.
特別是你 杰拉迪 Except for you, Gellardi.
我打賭得要一卷膠帶 I'd wager it takes a whole roll of duct tape
才能把你豬一樣的身材和老二捆住 to strap down your hog of a cock.
提醒你一下 我們召集了杰弗遜組織 算是吧 For your information, we're called the Jeffersons, probably,
我們要給美國一點自由的顏色看看 and we're here to shove some liberty up America's ass.
失陪了 羅杰 我要掏出我的老二了 If you'll excuse me, Roger, I'm gonna whip it out.
書記員女士 杰拉迪議員 Madam Clerk, Representative Gellardi
不同意HR 2970 votes no on HR 2970.
- 已記錄 - 書記員女士 - Recorded. - Madam Clerk,
克拉克議員 不同意HR 2970 Representative Clark votes no on HR 2970.
我們說好的! This was a done deal!
看看你干的好事 你個傻逼 Now look what you did, you writhing, piss-filled skin Twizzler!
你讓馬爾伍德議長跑到這來! You made Speaker Marwood run all the way down here!
現在他腿里的血栓要跑到腦子里去了 Now the clots in his legs are gonna rush to his brain.
大概你看多了007 And maybe you were too busy
跟本理解不了 biting James Bond's cable car wire to realize,
但是如果我們不提高債務上線 but if we don't raise the debt ceiling,
美國經濟就要像什么一樣完蛋 威爾? America's financial system is gonna go belly-up like what, Will?
像我把我的拉布拉多狗特迪的老二上裹滿蜂蜜 Like my labradoodle, Teddy, when I
然后給了他一個棒棒糖一樣 cover his cock in honey and give him a sticky licky.
- 不好! - 看著我 - No, bad! - Look at me.
你會讓政府停擺的 You could shut down the government.
沒準政府需要停擺了 Well, maybe the government needs to be shut down
- 因為政府已經出問題了! - 哦! - because it's broken. - Oh!
當有東西壞掉的時候 你要關掉它 And when something's broken, you shut it down,
然后再重啟 就像路由器一樣 and then you turn it back on again like with a router.
而且如果他們不想讓我關掉政府 And if they didn't want me to shut down the government,
那他們就應該邀請我去梅耶的揭幕儀式! then maybe they should've invited me to the Meyer unveiling!
你知道什么是揭幕儀式嗎? Do you even know what an unveiling ceremony is?!
聽著 我知不知道什么是揭幕儀式 Look, whether I know what an unveiling is or is not
不是重點 is not the point.
原則才是重點 The point is principles.
天啊議員 叫停你的白癡們吧 My God. Just call off your morons, Congressman.
我的白癡們要投反對票 My morons are voting no.
記錄員女士 在HR 2970議題 Madam Clerk, on HR 2970,
瑞安議員 投反對票 Congressman Ryan votes no.
熄燈! Lights out!
熄燈! Lights out! Lights out!
熄燈! Lights out! Lights out! Lights out!
我們到了 Oof, here we are.
看看這里 多破爛啊 是吧? Look at this place. It is such a dump, isn't it?
但我還是挺想它的 Although, I have to admit I sort of miss it.
它也想你 Aw, and it misses you, too.
溜走了的人 The one who got away.
現在她回來了! And now she's back for her big day!
- 你化妝了嗎? - 沒 - Are you wearing makeup? - No.
總統女士! Madam President!
真高興見到你 It is so lovely to see you again.
- 我女兒很想你 - 真是... - My daughter misses you. - Thank you...
- 我不知道他們的名字 - 非常感謝 - I have no idea what these people's names are. - ...so much!
我能肯定 就是她把我的毛衣放進烘干機里的 I know one thing-- she's the one who put my sweater in the dryer.
- 對哦 - 是的 - Yes! - Right.
總統女士 我們很想念您 Madam President, we've sure missed you around here.
- 謝謝你... - 朋友 - Oh, thank you... - Friend.
...朋友 ...friend.
你把這些杰奎琳水晶杯拿哪去? Where are you taking the Jackie crystal?
- 真可惜 - 發生什么了? - Such a shame. - What's happening right now?
- 什么玩意兒 薯片? - 咱們后面為什么有零度可樂? - What are those, chips? - Why is there Coke Zero behind us?
女士 你的客人會在半小時后到 Ma'am, your guests will arrive in a half hour.
他們給您安排了藍廳 And they set up the Blue Room for your use.
這破地方為什么會有紙杯 What is this Dixie cup shit show?
好像我們空運到了颶風后的密西西比 It's like we teleported to post-Katrina Mississippi.
我知道啊! 都沒有桌布 I know! There's no tablecloths.
蒙特茲把墨西哥事兒搞得太過了 Montez is really taking this Mexican thing too far.
- 早上好 女士 - 嗨 這是什么情況? - Morning, ma'am. - Hey, what is this?
幾分鐘之前 Well, as of a few minutes ago,
喬納和他的胡佛小分隊 Jonah and his merry band of jizz huffers
把他們的小巴士直直的開進了債務上線投票點 drove their short bus right into the debt ceiling vote
毀了整個美國經濟 and T-boned the entire US economy.
財政部長貝爾德發令 Treasury Secretary Baird ordered
- 政府停擺 - 停擺 - a full government shutdown. - Shutdown.
所有不重要的白宮職員 All nonessential White House staff
都被停薪放假 立即執行 have been furloughed, starting immediately.
- 好吧 - 嗨 媽媽 大家好 - Okay. - Hey, Mom, everyone.
- 我們來晚了嗎? - 真可惜 你們沒晚 - Did we miss it? - No, I'm afraid not.
都沒有我可以尿進去的潘趣酒大碗 You know, there's not even a punch bowl for me to piss in here.
馬喬里 凱瑟琳 Marjorie, Catherine,
先恭喜你們了 congratulations are in order.
是啊 謝謝 Oh, right! Thank you.
正好十二周了 We just hit the 12-week mark.
是個男孩 It's a boy.
- 弗朗議員 - 布克海默! - Congressman Furlong. - Brookheimer!
看了你的簡歷 Got your dong of a resume.
你為了逃過被梅耶過度調色的尸體和她一地窖失敗者拴住的命運 I know you'd chew your own arm off to escape being handcuffed
寧愿咬斷自己的胳膊 to Meyers's overly toned corpse and her dungeon of losers,
但我還是要拒絕你 but I had to go in another direction.
告訴她為什么 威爾 Tell her why, Will.
你比我強壯 You're stronger than me,
你更有自尊和自負 and you have a higher reserve of dignity and self-worth.
而我陷入被虐待的循環中 And I'm trapped in a cycle of abuse.
祝你下次好運 Better luck next time.
嗨 操你貝爾·費恩 Hey, Fuckleberry Finn!
天啊 你又老了 Christ, you got old.
- 你想給他干活? - 我真的想 - You wanna work for that guy? - I really do.
- 湯姆! 嗨! - 總統女士 - Tom! Hi! - Madam President.
你在這干嘛? What are you doing here?
我能私底下和你聊一聊嗎? Can I have a private word with you?
那樣可以嗎 Would that be all right,
或者你擔心我會再強奸你一次? or are you afraid that I'll rape you again?
當然 好吧 Well, sure, let-- all right.
來吧來吧 Come, come, come, yes, yes, yeah.
很高興見到你 Hi. Yeah, so good to see you, too.
我不敢相信 我還給你寫了簡介 I can't believe that I gave you a goddamn blurb.
- 為什么 湯姆 你為什么這么干? - 拜托 賽琳娜 - Why, Tom? Why did you do that? - Come on, Selina.
天啊 我們都知道這游戲怎么玩 For Christ's sake, we both know how the game is played.
我還真誠地去找你 問你的意見! I came to you in good faith and I asked!
我至少還有風度禮節 I did the classy thing.
我們都知道 不管怎樣 你都會做的 Come on, we both know you were gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
當然是這樣 但我至少還懂得裝作不會的樣子 Of course I was, but I had the courtesy to seem like I might not!
然后你在電視上亮相 And then with that TV appearance.
我主動? 什么玩意兒啊?! Me the aggressor? What is that?!
那就是變態 反社會的瞎話 That is sick, sociopathic shit.
我覺得你有問題 你需要幫助 I'm worried about you. I think you need help.
- 我有問題 你搞笑吧 - 當然 - I need help? Oh, please! - Absolutely.
你的事比國家地理都多 You've got more issues than "National Geographic."
現在是怎么了 我不明白 What's going on here? I don't understand.
- 這是我做了什么事之后的懲罰嗎 - 不 不 - Did I do something to deserve this? - No, no!
你什么都沒做 You did nothing.
等等 你那是什么意思 Wait a minute, what was that?
是因為我事后沒有聯系你 Did I hurt your feelings because I, what--
傷到你脆弱的小心臟啦 because I didn't call you afterwards?
你就繼續犯蠢吧你 Oh, that is just so stupid.
就算你一年前聯系了我 And I would've said the same thing to you
我也會說同樣的話 a year ago if you had called me.
原來是這樣 你真的是在怪我沒聯系你啊 Oh, ho, ho! So, you did want me to call.
哎呀 可憐的湯米 Oh, oh, poor Tommy.
- 他還在怪我沒有聯系他呢 - 閉上你的臭嘴 - He wanted me to call him afterwards. - Shut the fuck up!
抱歉 我不應該那么大聲吼 Sorry, I should not have raised my voice like that.
總統女士 謝謝你邀請我們來參加你的揭幕式 Madam President, thank you for inviting us to your unveiling.
我老婆特別支持你 My wife is a huge fan.
你知道嗎 你可以好好留著你的花瓶老婆 Yeah, well, you know what, you can have your trophy wife
還有你的戰利品辦公室 and your trophy office and your trophy baby,
還有你可能連他上大學都看不到的無敵寶寶 who you won't even live to see go to college,
但我還是能當上總統 而你永遠也當不上 but I still got to be president, and, tsk, you never will.
終于找到你了 他們在等你開始呢 Oh! I was looking for you. They're waiting for you to begin.
我說真的 就在剛剛湯姆·詹姆斯想撩我跟他滾床單 I swear to God, Tom James just wanted to fuck me right now.
- 什么 - 真的 就差一點 - What?! - Yeah, we had a real moment.
他膽子小到連褲子都不敢脫 But he's too much of a pussy to go for my pussy.
好吧 這樣也好 Okay, well, that's probably for the best.
我不能就這么放過他 He's not gonna get away with that.
等等 等等 女士 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, ma'am!
我又回來了 剛剛到底是怎么回事 I'm back. What the hell was that?
你真的很想上了我 對不對 You really wanted me, didn't you?
我都快看到從你小弟弟上蹦出來的火花了 There were sparks practically flying out of your dick!
我怎么覺得這一幕這么熟悉呢 Why am I getting this sense of deja vu?
不不不 我不是在說綠廳的那一次 No, no, no, I'm not talking about the Green Room.
那只是次很棒的傳統體位的仇恨操 That was just a good, old-fashioned hate fuck.
賽琳娜 我從來沒有 也永遠不會恨你啊 Selina, I do not and never have hated you!
你說對了 你愛我 You got that right! You loved me.
- 別鬧了 - 你現在也還是愛我 - Stop it! - You still love me now.
- 什么 - 你就是 承認吧 - What?! - You do! Admit it.
- 承認吧 承認吧 - 你他媽真是瘋了 - Admit it. Admit it! - You are fucking crazy!
好了 站那兒 別動 這你怎么解釋 Okay, right there, right there, what do you call that?
- 那是什么 - 那是... - What was that? - That was...
你腦子里現在肯定想著把我扔上這沙發 You want to throw me onto this couch
然后分開我的腿狠狠的上我呢吧 and pin my legs behind my head and do me.
我是個幸福的已婚男人 I am a happily married man,
- 賽琳娜 - 這不算回答我的問題 - Selina. - Oh, that's not an answer!
你他媽什么毛病 What the fuck is wrong with you?!
你他媽又是什么毛病 What the fuck is wrong with you?!
好了 你 這 Okay, wha-- this!
你指望我說什么 賽琳娜 What do you want me to say, Selina?
你想讓我說什么啊 湯姆 啊 What do you want me to say, Tom, huh?
說我當時在議會 That back when I was in the Senate,
參與主辦S-473的唯一原因就是 the only reason that I co-sponsored S-473
我喜歡你嗎 was because I had a crush on you?
說當我們在洛杉磯 That when we were in Los Angeles
一起站在臺上接受提名的時候 and we walked out onto the stage to accept the nomination,
你拉著我的手高高舉起的時候我心里想的是 and you grabbed my hand and you held it up high, and I was like,
"我的天吶 他在牽我的手" 嗎 "Oh, my God, he's holding my hand."
還是說之前 就算我人在精神病院 That when I was in the loony bin,
還是不停的想你 而且我 I thought about you endlessly, and I was-- -
湯姆 Tom?
親愛的 Sweetheart.
這是我老婆 阿萊希亞 This is my wife, Alethia.
阿萊希亞 Alethia?
那是她的名字還是你操她時吃的藥呢 Is that her name or is that the pill you take to fuck her?
- 阿萊希亞 - 見到你真高興 梅耶總統 - Alethia! - So nice to meet you, President Meyer.
- 你真是個好人 - 我投票給你了 - Oh, that's so nice of you. - I voted for you.
投了也沒什么用 Well, it didn't help.
好了 你們知道的 我公務纏身得回去了 Okay, you know, I should head back
還有揭幕儀式那些事等著我去辦呢 and, uh, deal with the ceremony and so on.
對 對 對 Yes, yes, yes.
你愛我 You love me.
我...! I...!
女士們先生們 Ladies and gentlemen,
有請我們的總統 the President of the United States.
哇喔 她看起來真棒啊 Oh, wow, she looks awesome.
那么一對胸 還沒我一邊的好看 I'd give my left tit for those tits.
大家 下午好 Hello. Buenas tardes. Good afternoon.
對于這位非凡的女士 There are so many things
我們的前任總統 that I would like to say about the extraordinary woman
我有太多的贊美想在這白宮 who was my predecessor
- 對她說了 - 她要開始了 - here at the White House. - Here comes the love!
- 噓 我知道 噓 - 但不幸的是 - Shh, I know. Shh. - But unfortunately,
我得趕去總統辦公室處理這次的政府停擺了 I have to return to the Oval Office to deal with the shutdown.
我知道 賽琳娜·梅耶 I know Selina Meyer,
這位在其任期內走出過無數困境的總統 who has navigated many crises in her own term,
會理解的 will understand.
- 梅耶總統 - 噢 - President Meyer. - Oh.
賽琳娜 Selina.
現在讓我們來看看這幅美麗的畫作吧 Now, let's take a look at this beautiful piece of work.
- 我的天 - 很美 - Oh, my God. - It's beautiful.
美極了 That's beautiful.
非常感謝 謝謝你們 Thank you very, very much. Thank you.
天吶 我真希望 Oh, goodness, I do wish
你們有機會聽到蒙特茲總統的演講 you could've heard President Montez's speech
因為她能說會道 不是嗎 because she's so well-spoken, don't you think?
而這幅畫真不錯 各位 And this is very nice, folks.
確實很不錯 Very nice, indeed.
你們知道 You know, um...
我環顧這個房間 I look around this room
我看到了好多肖像 and I see so many portraits
我們歷屆偉大總統的肖像 of-- of so many of our great presidents,
這讓我想起了他們的很多成就 and I am reminded of their many accomplishments
和很多光輝時刻 and shining moments.
而我同樣也想到了 But I also like to think
他們不那么光輝的一些時刻 perhaps about their not-so-shining moments.
而那 嗯 And that, um...
可能那些時刻無關緊要 well, maybe none of it matters.
也許在百年之后 You know, because maybe in a hundred years,
所有人都只會知道 all that anyone will remember
你的肖像被掛在 is that you have your portrait
白宮的墻上 hanging on a wall in the White House.
所以 出于對假期的尊敬 So, out of respect for the furlough,
我覺得我們應該就此結束了 um, I think we should wrap things up.
謝謝大家 So, thank you so much.
多么 多么美的一幅畫啊 What a-- what a wonderful thing.
謝謝 Thank you.
您講的很好 That was a great speech.
是啊 那頭母牛把那張椅子畫進去了 Yeah, that cow put the chair in the painting.
- 什么椅子 - 那張破椅子出現在畫里了 - What chair? - The fucking chair in that painting
那張她和安德魯做愛用的椅子 is the chair that she made love to Andrew on.
- 我還在那椅子上打過盹兒 - 而且你們看看我的脖子 - I slept in that chair. - And look at my neck.
我 不是 我說畫里的 I-- no, in the painting!
把我的脖子畫得 頸紋比火雞都多 Look at my neck. I have pardoned turkeys with fewer waddles.
我的脖子比那畫上的好看多了 My neck does not look like that.
是的 沒錯 No, it doesn't.
- 總統女士 - 嗯 什么事 - Madam President. - Oh, yes!
- 我很抱歉 - 這是約翰·科爾賓 - I'm sorry. - This is John Corbin.
- 他就是蒙特茲版本的的我 -太棒了 - He's Montez's me. - Great.
不完全是 我有法律學位 Not exactly. I have a law degree
而且在阿富汗打過兩場仗 and served two tours in Afghanistan.
恭喜你 Oh, congrats.
很抱歉 不過我們得開始清場了 I'm afraid we're gonna have to start clearing the room
那樣我們才能及時的讓剩下的員工停薪放假 so we can furlough the rest of the staff in a timely manner.
有道理 我們馬上就走 Well, that makes solid sense. We'll get out of your hair.
非常感謝 你好 Thank you so much. Hello!
吊牌要放在外套里 This goes inside your jacket.
女士 那幅畫真是太美了 Ma'am, the painting is stunning.
謝謝 馬喬里 Well, thank you, Marjorie,
可惜你的品位不那么好 but you're not exactly known for your good taste.
你知道嗎 這都是你的錯 You know what, this is your fault.
- 才不是 - 就是 我就不應該來這 - No! - Yes! I should not have come to this thing.
我的天 穆斯林的未成年新娘揭面紗時 Jesus Christ, underage Muslim brides
受的罪都比我少 are less traumatized at their unveiling.
他們至少還不用喝零度可樂 And even they don't have to drink Coke Zero.
- 至少喬納不在這 - 這不是就是好的一面嗎 - At least Jonah wasn't here. - Hey, that's positive, see?
很多人都說是我讓政府停擺了 A lot of people are saying that I shut down the government.
你們還真說中了 就是我 You're damn right, I did!
我讓政府停擺 是因為政府在浪費納稅人的錢 I shut down the government for wasting our money.
我讓政府停擺 I shut down the government
因為政府想要控制納稅人的時間 for interfering with our clocks and watches.
我關停了郵局 I shut down the post office
因為反正大家也都用電子郵件 because everybody just uses email anyway.
我關了國家公共電臺 是因為他們太無聊了 I shut down NPR because they're a total snoozefest,
而且他們還不贊同這次政府停擺 and they said this shutdown was a bad idea.
我關閉了國家公園 I shut down the national parks
是為了讓孩子們的父母 so that your parents will
帶孩子去更有趣的地方度假 have to take you someplace cool on vacation,
比如迪士尼樂園 坎昆 或者墨西哥 like Disney World or Cancun or Mexico.
- 行了 - 好 好 - Okay. - Okay, okay.
還有什么問題嗎 Are there any questions?
議員先生將不會再回答任何問題 The congressman will not be taking any questions.
- 謝謝 - 言論很激進啊 - Thank you. - Provocative stuff there
華盛頓的壞小子 喬納·瑞安 from the bad boy of Washington, Jonah Ryan.
與此同時 華爾街對此次政府停擺的反應 Wall Street, meanwhile, has reacted to the shutdown
是一次分析家不希望我們稱之為恐慌的恐慌 with what analysts are urging us not to label a panic.
另外 我們洗衣服真的用錯方法了嗎 Also, are we doing our laundry all wrong?
日本的效率專家表示 并沒有 Japanese efficiency experts say no.
馬上 我們的巴茲·卡納哈利將為您預報 Plus, our own Buzzy Kanahale's gonna be reporting the weather
最重要的地區 海灘 的天氣 from the place that matters the most-- the beach.
真希望我能跟他一起報天氣 Oof, wish I could join him there.
我可不想 Not me.
我的身材還沒準備好穿泳裝呢 所以 I'm not down to my bathing suit weight yet, so.
別裝了 布瑞 我打賭你穿比基尼肯定非常棒 Oh, please, Brie, I bet you could fill out a bikini quite nicely.
瞧你說的 Oh, Dan.
- 惡... -我們今天的節目就到這了 - Blech! - Well, that's all the time we have for today.
- 我是丹·伊艮 - 讓簡回來 - I'm Dan Egan. - Bring back Jane!
- 我是布瑞·拉瑪錢德 - 記得哦 - And I'm Brie Ramachandran. - Remember,
一日之計在于晨 every day starts with morning.
- 你們爛死了 - 再見 - You suck! - Bye, now.
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