Stand-by, 2.
Mix through, and cue on 2.
The BBC's announced the appointment of ex-head of Olympic deliverance,
Ian Fletcher, as its new Head Of Values.
Time now for the shipping forecast.
Superimpose.
Sure, OK, I get that. I still get it. No, shut up.
Monday morning at the BBC's London headquarters,
New Broadcasting House. And already things are happening.
..what we do here, OK... No, shut up.
What we do is we go straight to Tamsin at IBS.
OK, yeah, Tasmin, whatever. Like, she's the only one
who knows what's happening.
Like, the others are all gap year, whatever.
So potentially serious are things that Head of BBC Brand,
Siobhan Sharpe, from communications giant FUN Media,
is on her way in physically and at speed.
Yeah, OK, so, what SHE does is she gets Claudia to tweet a denial.
Like, NOW. OK? Like, "Strictly is my life," whatever.
And we retweet the shit out of it,
like, we totally take out social media from the air, OK?
OK, no, shut up, I've got her. I've got Tamsin coming at me.
Yeah, Tasmin, yeah, whatever. OK, yeah, I've got to go.
Got to go, OK, OK. Bye.
Yeah. Hey, Tam-smin, how are you?
Good, yeah, I'm good, thanks.
So, according to the BBC News app...
Don't blame me, OK? No, I'm not, Neil, I'm just saying.
Apparently, they're offering her a deal worth BLEEP million pounds
over two years. No, I'm sorry. Thr... BLEEP million pounds?
The fact is that cannot happen. That's what it says here.
No, I'm sorry. We're stuffed, then. Meanwhile, upstairs,
what was supposed to be a Renewal meeting mainly about something
called "distinctivity" has spontaneously turned into
an emergency damage limitation meeting, mostly about disaster.
Yes, apparently, it's a circus-based show they're talking about.
Circus-based? Apparently, they're rebooting
the Cirque de Celebrity format.
No, sure. Right. Honestly. No, I'm sorry.
I mean, what is it with shows in fucking tents? Well, yes.
Rumours have surfaced on Twitter
that one of the BBC's biggest faces and co-host
of Strictly Come Dancing, Claudia Winkleman,
could be on the point of leaving the BBC after being approached
by rival broadcaster Sk... BLEEP..y to host a rival show of their own.
So, I'm on the Mail Online here, OK?
Right. Blimey. I know.
Anyway, apparently, a source close to Tess Daly is saying that
if Claudia leaves Strictly, then Tess will go, too, out of loyalty.
Right. - OK, no. OK. I'm sorry. Loyalty to what, Lucy?
That can't happen. I don't know, it doesn't say. Brilliant.
I'm not being negative or anything but we are in
a very dark place here, guys. Brilliant. No, I'm sorry, no.
With Charter Renewal pending,
this is the worst possible time to be facing the prospect
of a BBC devoid of competitive celebrity dancing of any kind.
OK, well, look, the key thing is that everybody remains calm, and...
OK. So, hey, guys. Ah, right, Siobhan. OK, let's do this, OK?
Yes. Let's nail this beaver to the tree.
Chronologically, Siobhan may have arrived late to the meeting but, in other ways,
she's already ahead of both herself and everybody else.
OK, so, I spoke with Claudia's agent. Right. Brilliant.
So, here's the thing with this, here's what it is, OK?
So, Claudia loves Strictly, she loves the BBC, whatever. Hurrah.
Yes, exactly. But the thing with Claudia is that she wants,
like, a change of direction at this point in her bla-di-blah, whatever.
Right. A change of... No, still me. Right. Yes.
So, Claudia's like, um, "I want to do serious shit."
You know, like people dying, whatever.
And Sk... BLEEP..y are, like, "You know, that's cool, you can
"totally do that as well.
"Like, you can do whatever you want plus
"we'll pay you like a sh... BLEEP load of money at the same time."
So, when... So, she's like, "OK, I need headspace here.
"Like, I need to be in Cornwall," whatever. Right. Brilliant.
So, the headline is Claudia's in Cornwall at the moment
thinking it over? Excuse me? Right, OK...
OK, the headline, OK, is "Claudia Winkleman leaves Strictly." OK?
We've pretty much crashed the BBC. No, I'm sorry. Well, that's one way
of looking at it, obviously. It totally is. OK, but...
You're going to say something brilliant now, aren't you?
Yes. No. No, you are, I can feel it in my bones.
No, but before we get locked into the idea of this being some
kind of problem, is it worth stepping back
and looking at the positives for a moment? Really? The positives? Yes.
And yet. Blimey. I mean, for one thing, it looks as though
this might not actually be about money. Well, that's handy
cos we haven't got any money. Well, exactly.
So, that's a good fit straight away.
As Head Of Values and chair of the Renewal Group,
the ability to think the sort of thoughts under pressure that
no-one else would even think of thinking is
one of Ian Fletcher's distinguishing characteristics.
And we know she's at a point where she's looking for a change
of direction, maybe perhaps to be taken a bit more seriously. Sure.
But, if you think about what we were supposed to be
talking about this morning... Right. Yes. No, sure. Brilliant.
Just remind me? The distinctivity audit. Oh, yeah, great.
As part of the Charter Renewal process,
the BBC has been invited to spend time conducting a special
distinctivity audit of all the ways in which its output is
different from anything else you've ever seen.
It's a question of identifying anything we might have
in development that's uniquely BBC, which is
why I asked Matt to join us here for this, as Head Of Output.
Yeah, no, sure. Hey, guys. Yeah. But what if what Claudia wants
and what we're looking for turn out to be exactly the same thing?
Blimey. Sure. No, I get that. That could work.
Cos if we are looking at a solution and not a problem here,
we could be looking at a solution of truly epic proportions.
No, really, Ian, don't take this the wrong way
but this is where we all kind of want to hug you. Sure. Well... No.
You the man. Yes, exactly. No, really. Just to say
you're safe with me, OK? Yes, good.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the building,
development executive Izzy Gould is busy thinking about ideas. Hi.
Oh, hi, how are you? So, have you seen this? No, what?
No, I thought not.
But although she may not know it yet
she's about to realise that she may well be involved
in enough developments already for the moment.
Oh, Jesus, no. Yeah. When did this...?
I don't know, I just saw it now. No! It's already trending. Shit!
It's not good news.
After Hugh Grant was asked for a selfie on a recent visit to
New Broadcasting House, his people have decided to become
incensed that he was misled into endorsing an online campaign
for a BBC product when he thought he was just giving
a selfie to a slightly unusual but apparently harmless intern.
OK, so, first of all, it's nothing to do with me, OK? What?
Like, it wasn't my idea. No, I know it wasn't... But also...
It was mine! No. It was my idea.
No, I knew you'd say that, that's why I came up here.
In the circumstances, they're demanding not only that his
image be immediately removed from the campaign, but that the BBC make
a charitable donation of £1,475,000 to the Worldwide Wildlife Fund.
A pound for every YouTube hit so far. OK, OK...
OK, so this is really serious, OK? I know! Like, it's really serious.
I know it is! OK, but it isn't your fault. What do you mean,
it wasn't my fault? Of course it's my fault.
OK, you're panicking. I'm not panicking. Of course I'm panicking.
Whose idea was it...
to ask Hugh Grant for a selfie?
OK, no. Was it your idea? No, I'm sorry, I'm not doing that. You can.
You absolutely have to. I'm not, I can't! I can't do that.
I mean, basically, what we're talking about is
the sort of programmes you wouldn't see other broadcasters making. Yeah.
Exactly. Really? The sort of thing no-one's going to watch.
No, I'm talking about the sort of thing only the BBC can do.
Yeah, that's what I just said, isn't it? Very good.
Back in Renewal,
it's becoming clear that coming up with a list of distinctively BBC
projects currently in development might not be as easy as it sounds.
Sorry, what's this? Right, OK, Simon, do you want to...?
Oh, yes, no, sorry, Lucy, sorry, Ian, brilliant,
it's just a card for Ben and Jerry, that's all. Right. A leaving card?
Yes. Right. Oh, I know. Who knew they weren't here? Brilliant. Who?
Obviously I've no idea how these things work, but what's happened...
In the meantime, it seems that after interviewing
both Ben and Jerry for a new single post, it's been decided that,
in the spirit of more of less, the new post itself is to be
reimagined as not existing going forward.
..reimagined as not existing, going forward.
"Reimagined as not existing?" Exactly. It's terribly bad luck.
If it's any help, Lucy, I didn't know what to put,
so in the end I put best of luck, guys.
I don't know if that helps. Yes, I'm not sure. No, probably not.
Right, OK, well. Yes, so, anyway. Yes, exactly, yes.
More of less issues aside,
Ian's challenge now is to marshal his remaining troops towards
an outcome that could just solve the BBC's distinctivity issues and
its Claudia Winkleman problem in one joint solution to end all solutions.
So, yes, I mean, have we actually GOT anything in development?
Yes, exactly, have we actually got anything?
Yeah, sure that's great. So, I guess, something to think about it
at this point, I mean, I don't know, I may be wrong about this is genre.
Right. Brilliant. Genre? I'm just putting it out there. Yes.
So, I guess what I'm asking, is it worth thinking, you know,
what area are we in here? Drama, factual, scripted...? Yes.
Also just in terms of reach, is it...? OK, OK. I'm so bored of this.
Bored? Yeah, like hashtag - face down in my soup. Well...
So, like, here's the thing with this, OK?
So, like, this is not a safety drill, OK?
The engines are like, totally on fire here. Brilliant.
No, I'm sorry. Yes. The cabin just filled with smoke. No, not that.
OK, so what you need to do is you guys need to get into a BBC taxi
to Cornwall like, now, and you need to lovebomb Claudia to death.
Well, that's... A BBC taxi to Cornwall?
Sure, or else you guys are flying a stone turkey one way
to oblivionsville here. Right. Yes, no, brilliant, very clear.
It's March, and light returns to the high Arctic,
sweeping away four months of darkness.
A polar bear stirs.
She has been in her den the whole winter.
Her emergence marks the beginning of spring.
After months of confinement underground, she toboggans
down the slope, perhaps to clean her fur, perhaps for sheer joy.
Whoa.
Will... Her cubs gaze out at their bright new world
for the very first time. Will. Hey, hey, Izzy.
Yeah, how are you? I'm good, thanks. I'm good.
Cool. Yeah, so I'm watching this for Ian Fletcher. Yes.
Yeah, pretty cool. Yes. David Attenborough's such a cool guy.
Yes, he is, yes. I don't want to bother you...
No worries, yeah, cool. But I just...
With the whole super selfie thing... Yeah, I know, mental. Well, no...
I don't know, like, a million hits. I didn't even know who he was. No.
But when you spoke to him, when you actually asked him to say "Me"...
Yeah? Did you tell him what it was for?
Yeah, I don't know. I definitely told him it was for you.
For me? Yeah.
OK, that's great, Will, thanks. OK, cool.
Yeah, so, people think polar bears can't smell underwater.
It's, like no, they totally can. Yes. There's this bit...
Actually, Will, I'd better get off. OK.
But, thanks, that's been really helpful. No worries.
Yeah, no worries, yeah. Cool.
OK, what about, and stay with me on this, OK, guys, but what about
Claudia Winkleman's History Of The Elephant. Right.
History of the elephant? I know what you're thinking, a bit left-field.
That is what I was thinking.
Meanwhile, it's tomorrow morning,
and Head Of Output Matt Taverner has gathered together
some of his finest brains for an important meeting.
But, also, it's like, a dead serious subject for Claudia... Sure.
Cos they have, like, their own funerals and everything, you know?
Sure, that's great. I get where you're coming from
with the History Of thing. But I don't know.
I guess what I'm asking... I guess... Part of my job is to...
Their mission is to come up with programme ideas
that might address Claudia Winkleman's need
to be taken more seriously whilst also addressing the BBC's
distinctivity and Charter Renewal issues in one fell swoop.
Or is there something out there that might give us distinctive
and serious and, I don't know, quirky and Hinterland in one hit...
Yes...where the idea of BBCness
is kind of a cold open and a leave behind at the same time?
Right. Yes. Yes. Do you know what,
Matt, that's really interesting, Matt.
What about, is there something...?
OK. Claudia Winkleman's History Of Water. OK. Water?
I don't know, it's like more BBC somehow. No, sure.
I don't know, do you not think it's a bit dry for Claudia? Dry?
Sure. She's so gorgeous. The History Of Water? Well, no, yes,
I see what you're saying. OK, so maybe we should...
Claudia Winkleman's History Of Fruit. Yeah. No, OK.
We should go past the whole History Of thing. Yeah. Yes.
OK, well, if it's BBCness we're talking about,
then what about On Your Bike, then?
Ooh, now. OK. On Your Bike? Yes. You're joking.
In its original format, I mean. Sure.
You know, as a serious, proper chat show for Claudia but, just,
you know, on wheels. No, sure.
Cos the thing about that was, like I kept trying to say,
was it's so BBC. Genius. I don't believe this.
Really interesting. My God, Izzy.
Yeah, no, sure, Izzy, that's great.
It's the end of the day, and a number of people
are already gathering in the shared experience space
for a special ceremony to celebrate the end
of Ben and Jerry's time at the BBC.
I'm not being funny or anything but I can't be doing with goodbyes. No.
No. No. Maybe it's my childhood or something,
but they always end up getting to me in the end.
Yes, no, very good, Tracey. They've been with the BBC
from their arrival as junior research executives
all the way through to their departure as people
whose jobs no longer exist.
So it's appropriate that a block of an entire hour has been booked
out on the Syncopati space booking system
in order to speed them on their way. Yes, anyway, is someone
going to say something? Yes, sorry, about what?
About Ben and Jerry? Oh, yes, of course. That's brilliant. No, no...
Now, listen, you'll know how you want to deal with it...
No, I wasn't... Yes, exactly. But the good news is
we've got them these as a surprise.
Right, what are they? It's interesting, isn't it?
We don't even know what we've got them? I mean,
I've no idea how these things work, but I suppose that's part
of the surprise, is it? Yes, probably. Genius.
Ben and Jerry's unexpected departure
may herald the dawn of a new more of less era for the BBC,
even though no-one really knows what that means.
But if there's a new feeling of uncertainty in the air,
it seems that Lucy has decided that she might as well after all
apply for the new post of Head Of Empowerment, even though
no-one really knows what that means either. I won't get it, obviously.
No, it's really good. Is it? I don't know. I was going to ask you,
though I probably shouldn't be asking you this, but do you know
if Anna's on the panel? Anna? It's fine if you don't want to...
No, no, it's fine. I don't think she is, no. Right.
I mean, nobody tells me anything, obviously, but, as far as I'm aware,
she's not, no. Right. You're not on it? Me? No.
Cos, I mean, right... Thank God! Yes. Anyway, if I was, I suppose
I'd have to declare an interest, wouldn't I?
Right. I mean... Yes. No, yes. Yes.
OK. OK, thank you. Thank you.
Brilliant. Yes, no, very good.
Who was it who said life is a series of letting go? Anyway...
Do you know what, Simon, I want to
say Elton John. Brilliant. Elton John?
What do I know? But, no, a moment to say a few words about
why we're all here, of course, and not just any old words, either.
Ladies and gentlemen, current Head Of Values
and all-round Captain Renewal himself, Ian Fletcher.
Right, yes. I mean, thanks, Simon. Hurrah. So, yes...
As Simon very much says, here we are. Hurrah.
So, what to say about Ben and Jerry that hasn't been said before?
I might as well be honest and confess that when I first arrived,
a bit like with Ant and Dec,
I wasn't completely confident about which one was which.
Shame. Shame. Brilliant.
But it didn't take me long to realise that,
just like with Ant and Dec, it doesn't actually matter. Hurrah.
In the end, that's not the point. The point is they both share
the ability to make whatever
it is they do look genuinely easy whilst at the same time making
everyone around them look better than they would have done otherwise.
Yes. And that's a very rare quality to have. Yes, it is.
And, with that in mind, we've got you these,
just as a token really, of...
Well, really of everything we feel and have felt about you
in the past and will continue to feel, of course,
in the future, as you seek out different challenges
in new places with very different outcomes.
Brilliant. Yes, no, very good.
So I'd ask us all to join me in raising a toast to Ben and Jerry.
Ben and Jerry. To moving onwards. - Moving onwards.
Brilliant. So, that's all good.
It's another day at New Broadcasting House,
but not just any other day.
Claudia! Oh, hi.
Today is Winkleman day. Claudia, Claudia, Claudia.
What can I say? Welcome to the pleasure dome.
After wide-ranging discussions between her agent
and the BBC, Claudia Winkleman has agreed to come in
and talk about On Your Bike as a potential vehicle for her,
and Simon Harwood himself is on hand in reception in order
to take her as seriously as possible.
I'm so sorry, I'm really embarrassed about this,
but I don't think I actually know your name. Oh, no, God! Sorry.
No, of course, yes, listen, why would you? I wouldn't be
bothered with it myself if it wasn't for going to the doctors, and so on.
Right. Simon. Simon? Simon Harwood, Director Of... I don't know,
Strategic Governance or something like that. OK.
This is Tasmin. Hi. My agent. Yes, of course, welcome, Tasmin. Yes.
Listen, I know we haven't met but, honestly, I feel like I want
to thank you for making our lives that much brighter with,
you know with... Yes. Thanks. So, shall we go up?
Yes, of course, no, yes, very good. So, for what it's worth,
I suppose I'd better get you guys signed in.
So, we signed in. Right. Brilliant. Yes. I've done that.
We were waiting to be collected. Ah! Fabulous.
I tell you what, she's not your agent for nothing, Claudia, is she?
No. Shall we go through, straight through the doors?
So, buckle up, guys, we've got Claudia inbound. Right.
Where is everybody? Who?
She's coming at us. Yes. I don't know. Where's Matt?
Matt? Yes. Yes, no, I don't know. Meanwhile, upstairs,
preparations for the crucial meeting are taking some kind of shape.
It's to be chaired by Head Of Output Matt Taverner, who isn't here.
Oh, my God. Right, OK. What?
Have you not heard? Heard what? No. He's gone. Who has?
No, shut up, David, please. Oh, my God. I don't know.
With the winds of change blowing through the BBC, it looks as
if one of the really big trees might have been blown over completely.
OK, so, guys, Matt Taverner is not going to be coming to the meeting,
I'm afraid. Right. He's gone. Yes.
Bummer. What do you mean, he's gone?
I don't know. He's gone to Netflix. He's gone to Netflix, yes. No way!
What do you mean, he's gone to Netflix? What, for a meeting?
No, he's gone. Right, OK. Matt Taverner's gone Netflix! Cool.
We're announcing it later this morning. It's, like, oh, my God!
We LOVE Netflix. We've been given a statement to put out. I mean,
do you know anything about this, Anna? This? Yes. When? What? No.
OK, where's Simon? I don't know. No, right.
You're mad. You're actually mad. It wasn't his fault. What? It was mine.
What is it with him?
Elsewhere in the building, Jack Patterson
and Izzy Gould have taken some time out to have an argument.
It was my fault for not bringing him up to speed with all of the...
You know, all of the issues beforehand.
There's no speed slow enough for that guy to be brought up to.
With the BBC facing a demand that it makes a £1.5 million
charitable donation to the Worldwide Wildlife Fund
following its misuse of the film star Hugh Grant's image,
Izzy has been asked to write a formal report on the incident
for urgent submission to BBC director-general Tony Hall's office.
OK, so I'm going to tell them, if you won't. No. I'm not going
to let you do this. This has nothing to do with you.
It has nothing to do with you, either.
It's too important, it's all wrong.
But, meanwhile, at the same time, unbeknown to Izzy, Jack,
or anyone else, Will Humphries is out on the streets of London
on a secret mission of his own.
Using virtually all of his initiative, he's come to
a small recording studio in Soho in pursuit of the kind of solution
to the Hugh Grant crisis that only he could have thought of.
'Yeah, hi?' Yeah, hi, yeah, it's Will Humphries? 'Right...'
So, I'm personal assistant Ian Fletcher. 'Ian Fletcher?'
He's, like, Head Of Values at the BBC. 'OK.'
Yeah, hi, yeah? Hiya, how can I help? Yeah.
Can I speak to David Attenborough? David Attenborough?
Yeah. Right. Yeah, cos he's doing, like, I don't know, recording stuff,
like, for Fragile Planet Earth. OK. Yeah, cos I found out. OK.
Do you want to take a seat?
OK, yeah, no worries. Cool.
Here we go, here they are, The A-Team. Right.
So, guys, look who I found in reception. Yes, exactly. Hi.
Meanwhile, back at New Broadcasting House,
Simon has finally met and greeted Claudia Winkleman
all the way up to the sixth floor. No, but, listen, have fun
and just remember that everything's possible in the best
of all possible worlds. Yes, exactly. Genius.
OK, right. Good-oh. This is going to be so fun. Yes, Simon. Yes?
With the introductions overdone, it's time for the serious
business to begin, but Ian is becoming aware that the Claudia
Winkleman issue may not be the only BBC story unfolding this morning.
What's happening? Yes, in terms of...? Matt Taverner not here.
God, yes, no. Apparently, he's gone to Netflix. It's turning into
one of those mornings, isn't it? How come everybody else seems to know
about this apart from me? Yes, no, very good. I tell you what,
why don't you just pop by when you've got a minute and maybe
we can just...maybe we can just have a bit of a general catch-up.
Yes. Righty ho. Yes, good.
Cos, in the end, and this is just a thought I had, OK, but, basically,
imagine Carpool Karaoke but serious with no singing and on a bike.
Right. Yes. We love serious. Yes, exactly. Genius.
At last, after all the build-up,
Operation Winkleman's finally underway.
No, I think in many ways I think it's a shame Izzy Gould
couldn't be with us this morning. Yes.
Because she's the one who developed this. Yes, no, lovely Izzy.
In the unavoidable absence of Head Of Output Matt Taverner
to make the pitch for On Your Bike as the perfect BBC vehicle
for Claudia, and no shortage of others willing to step into
his cleats and run with the idea, it's important that someone
takes control to steer the meeting onto solid ground.
We've always looked on this as almost a classical BBC idea. Yes.
Sure. You know, going right back to informing, educating...
No, sure, so that's when we had our Ulrika moment. Yes. Sorry?
No, I think...
Claudia would totally kill in, like, a chat show kind of vibe. OK.
Like, she's basically Michael Palin in heels, right? Michael Palin?
Yes. Stop it! Do you mean Michael Parkinson? Yes. No, sure, whatever.
I mean, it's a no-brainer. So, just to save time, Claudia has actually
read the treatment. Have you really, Claudia? Yes, I have. Yes. Genius.
Shall we just tell you what she likes about it and we can
start from there? Yes, I think that's a really...
Yes, exactly. No, sure, I'm good with that.
Meanwhile, across town,
Will's secret operation is still active.
Hi. Oh, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah.
Hi, I'm Tony Dixon, producer of Fragile Planet Earth.
Yeah, I know, Fragile Planet Earth, yeah. The bonobos are mental.
Yeah, cool. Yes, I gather you're wanting to speak to Sir David.
Yeah, cool, yeah, Sir David, yeah, cool.
Yeah, can I ask, is this something he knows about?
Sir David? Yeah. No. Right. No, cos that's why I need to see him.
It's really important. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to disappoint you.
No, me neither. But I've got to say, we're actually really busy today.
Yeah, me too. Really up against it.
So I don't think I can ask him to come out of the session
for something unscheduled like this. OK. I'm really sorry. That's OK.
I mean, you could maybe try his agent's e-mail.
Maybe go down that route. No, that's OK. I'll wait.
Yeah. I should say to you that I have no idea what time the session
will actually finish. OK, cool.
But I do know, one thing I know for certain,
is that he's not coming out of there for a very, very long time. OK.
And I can't give you any assurance that he'll speak to you
when he does. OK, cool. Thanks.
Right. OK.
So, Claudia gets a show and we all get the Fit With Claudia,
so I'm going to put those in the positive column. Yes, exactly.
Cool. Yeah. Tick. Cos I've sort of done celebrity, I've done fluffing.
Right, yes. I know, tell me about it.
Back at New Broadcasting House, it appears as if
things might be going better than anyone expected
on a difficult morning for the BBC.
So, you probably know Claudia's being asked to look at
a lot of stuff at the moment. Of course, yes. Exactly.
Sure. - But appearances can be deceptive.
One of the things that works about this for Claudia
is that there's nothing else like it out there at the moment. Well, yes.
No way. Exactly. It's being sold to us as a stand-alone proposition.
Sure. Yes, exactly, yes.
So, I think this is an opportunity for you to be upfront with us
about that. Right.
I'm sorry, I think you're going to have to help us with that, Tasmin.
Claudia has heard that the BBC is developing
a very similar idea to On Your Bike for its daytime schedules
with Amanda Holden as presenter.
Amanda Holden? Yes. OK, no, I'm sorry. Lovely Amanda.
The fact is, no, I'm sorry.
I mean, feel free to correct me, anyone, but I'm pretty sure
I can say with some confidence that that's not true. Yes, exactly. OK.
Yay. Just out of interest, Claudia, where did you hear that?
From Amanda. Right. The Amanda? Yes.
It's starting to look as if either Claudia's apparent
intelligence is fake or someone from within the BBC has been
quietly developing an almost identical show
to On Your Bike without telling anyone.
Amanda Holden's Cycling Shorts or something.
Amanda Holden's Cycling Shorts? OK, no, I'm sorry. Right, yes...
I mean, I love Amanda, we get on really well and everything...
Do you know what, can I just say that's really interesting, Tasmin.
Right, OK. Bummer.
Hey. Hi, yeah. How can I help? Yeah, cos I was wondering
if you know how much longer Sir David Attenborough will be? Right.
It's cool, I don't mind waiting. I think you might have missed him,
I'm afraid. Missed him? Yeah, cos the session's actually over.
No, but I've been here all the time. Yeah, I know.
Like, I haven't even been to the toilet. Yeah, there's, like,
a back entrance. Right.
I'm guessing they probably went out that way. OK. I'm sorry. OK, cool.
Back at New Broadcasting House, it's the end of a day
which has left Head Of Values Ian Fletcher
with some things he'd like to talk to Head Of Strategic Governance
Simon Harwood about. Such as what the hell is going on.
Ah, yes, brilliant. Is this a good time? Yes, no, brilliant.
Come on in. - Luckily, Simon himself is still in his office,
busy putting a positive gloss on things.
Yes, I mean, I don't know what it is,
but five minutes with your saddle
at the end of the day... Yes. ..just clears the pipes somehow.
Yes. Yes, no, jolly good. Shall we sit soft?
No, thanks. No, OK. I'm happy standing hard.
Yes, no, jolly good.
Do you want to take that? No. No, OK, fine.
Well, no, listen, I've no idea how this more of less stuff works
and you'll know how you want to feel about it...
It seems that the BBC is shortly to announce a major
senior management simplification which follows
the pattern of encouraging more staff to apply for fewer jobs
by abolishing the ones they've already got.
In this case, the existing posts of Head Of Output,
Director Of Better, and Head Of Values are to be abolished
and replaced by a single new post of Director Of Purpose, going forward.
..Director Of Purpose, going forward. Director Of Purpose?
Yes, no, I mean, I guess, essentially, it's a pretty
simple idea. Is it? Well, I guess it would be, with the simplification,
wouldn't it? Right, OK. Do you know, I'm going to put these down.
I feel a bit of a fool standing here like this.
How long have you known about this, Simon? No, I know, brilliant.
Frankly, it's pretty much a full-time job just keeping up
with things, these days, isn't it? I mean, really. Does Anna know?
Ah, yes, now, with Anna... Obviously, Matt knew.
Yes, now, with that, listen, I've no idea how Anna works. No.
And what happens if I don't apply for it?
Ah, now, no, I can't hear that. What? I can't hear it. Say you will.