[BOTH MOANING]
We just met at a bar, now you're in my apartment.
- Yeah. - And we're gonna hook up.
- Yeah, you're so hot. - You're hot.
I'm almost naked.
And soon, we're both gonna be naked.
Mm-hmm.
You were wearing two shirts,
and now you're wearing one shirt.
Now you're wearing no shirts.
I'm gonna take off my romper soon.
A romper is a dress, but it becomes shorts.
Yeah, I know what a romper is.
I like having socks on.
- Can I take mine off? - No!
Okay.
- Okay. - Don't take them off.
Okay. [SMACK]
- Did I hit you in the... - Yeah.
- In the dick? - Yeah.
I've hit my brother in the dick.
And it hurt him.
Yeah.
- I don't want hurt you... - It's fine.
...because I want it to work when we have sex.
Should we get on the bed?
Say that you're horny for sex.
I'm horny...
for sex.
Look at me, in the eyes.
I'm horny for sex.
Okay, cool. Me too.
You're so sexy.
You're sexy, too.
But, like, in an approachable way.
You're like a cousin.
- What? - You're sexy like a cousin.
- No, no. - Yeah.
- No. - You're like a cousin.
No.
Ow! Ow!
You okay?
Yeah, I was just thinking about that viral video
with the woman stomping the grapes and she falls.
It's so funny.
Your dick is, like, very medium.
- What? - Like approachable dick.
- That's not sexy. - It's nice.
- No. - [SIGHS]
I can't stop thinking about my family.
Okay, I don't...
My grandpa's name is David, too.
- What? - My grandpa's name is David.
He died.
You're fun.
I'm not gonna give you my number,
but I will let you know that I'm at that bar
three nights a week.
Do you want my number?
No.
Did I do something wrong?
No, you're great.
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
[TYPING]
♪
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com
DAVID: "Pursuant to the requirements
set out by Illinois Statute 225 ILCS-107,
I am required to inform you
that I not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist,
or a registered therapist,
but that these therapy sessions are being tape-recorded
to provide a record of the 1,920 supervised clinical hours
needed to acquire such a license."
So do I have your permission to tape-record this session
as evidence of hours performed?
Yeah, no doubt.
So, what brings you in?
I'm afraid of being in a coma.
Almost every single hour, I'm thinking,
"What if this puts me in a coma?"
And, like, right now, what I'm seeing is,
"Could that lamp fall on me and then I get disoriented?"
- Don't! - It can't reach.
Why would you... It can't reach?
It has a base. Look at the base of the...
See, but that's how the panic attack starts.
I was trying to show why
you don't need to be worried about it.
I want you to focus on not apologizing.
Every time you do...
- [DOOR OPENS] - ...you reinforce an unhealthy role...
- [DOOR CLOSES] - ...you're playing in your relationship.
Sometimes you just have to own what you do.
I know, but I...
I'm sorry. One sec.
I don't think I love anybody.
- Right now? - Yeah.
Hey, sometimes you're not ready for love.
Ugh.
[LOUD CLANG]
Mom?
[CLANGING CONTINUES]
Mom, what are you doing?
I'm so sorry.
You have a fear of what's called locked-in syndrome.
- Like locked in? - Yes, locked in.
And that's why doing something like this will freak you out.
I am gonna... Ha!
I'm sorry.
Don't do that anymore. [CHUCKLES]
Are you going on a boat somewhere?
Oh, you're so funny. No. [CHUCKLES]
Sorry. Feel better.
I think I loved a little Asian girl when I was in second grade.
Hmm. Didn't we all?
I'm overthinking everything right now,
and it's because of you.
Now all I'm gonna think is, like, if I come back here,
is he gonna push the lamp in my face again?
No, I-I will remove the lamp the next time you're here.
It won't be here.
I'm sorry about that.
- I'm sorry. - Don't apologize.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
So, what would you like to talk about?
[SIGHS]
Right now, any sexual thought or contact...
seems to be impossible.
So you have no interest in anything at all sexually?
Correct.
W-What do you think is at the root of that?
I had an uncle, right?
He was like a father to me.
He recently died.
I'm sorry.
And we were cleaning out his stuff.
And I found a wooden dildo.
What?
A wooden dildo. I don't know.
Was it well-sanded? Was there shellac on it?
I don't recall it being shellacked.
It was kind of smooth.
Okay. So it smelled like wood?
I didn't smell like sex or sex stuff?
It was wood. I don't recall a scent.
I mean, normally, my olfactory senses are to the fore.
But, no, it didn't smell.
Do you think that's the source of your sexual phobia?
I don't know. Maybe.
I mean, like I said, I-I looked up to him.
I mean, you know, everywhere I look in the city,
there's a memory that links back to him.
And now... it's clouded by a giant Pinocchio's dick.
Okay.
Well, you know, if these memories are tainted now,
maybe you can try to go back to one of those special places
and reclaim the old image of your uncle.
I'd like to replace any kind of memory,
other than the one of him shoving a big-ass...
Right, right, yeah, yeah.
That's exactly what we're...
hoping to...
change.
Right.
[HORNS HONKING]
I suck at being single.
Going on dates feels like I'm constantly walking through
one of those Halloween haunted houses
and there's some weird carnie covered in slime
waiting for me around every corner.
Is this a dream you had?
No. It's just how I feel every day.
I like being in a relationship.
I like the comfort.
I even like knowing what annoys me about the other person.
Well, David, it may be a while
before you're interested in someone else again.
Well, I'm actually interested in someone now.
But it's complicated.
How was your week, Rachel?
Well, um...
I bought this shirt this week, so it's been pretty great.
- Nice. - Yeah.
Yeah. Is that a yearly event, shirt week?
[CHUCKLES] Well, it's not a whole week.
It's just a day.
- Oh, okay. All right. - Mm-hmm.
So does this happen once annually,
or, you know, is it more spontaneous, like a sneeze?
Oh, is... is it a common thing to talk about
something like this at length in therapy?
This is actually a technique called "romper room" technique.
It's where we kind of just ease into casual romper room talk.
- No. - Yeah, it's true.
Well, I want to be able to know when I'm going into a room
and to say, "Wait a minute.
I don't want to go in the romper room."
It's really like a rated- "G" room.
Oh, okay.
- Do you like scarves? - No.
What's something that you like?
Pasta shaped like animals.
- Yeah, for lunch, dinner? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, we're back in the romper room.
Oh, shoot!
Gosh! How do we keep getting in there?
Anyway, we can get into real stuff.
Okay.
Where are you at with this Luther guy?
Safe to say that's over?
Well, we've been on a few dates.
But, um...
not sure how far I'm gonna take it.
Ah. Seems like you're kind of putting him
in the friend box then?
No. No, I just... I don't know what it is yet.
A lot of people think there are only two answers to something,
yes and no.
There's also a third answer,
which is being on the fence.
And what people don't know
is that being on the fence also means no.
I'm not following.
People are in boxes.
Like, Luther... definitely in the friend box.
Me? I'm in the doctor box.
You know, do I like being in there?
No. But I had to make a professional sacrifice.
Is it dark in there?
Yeah, but I poked holes so that I can breathe.
Wow. You're really into boxes.
No, no, just metaphorically.
Right.
What's my box like?
Hmm?
My box? What is my box like?
Hmm?
If I think about, like, what my box is
and what's inside of it, it's empty right now.
I want to put stuff in it.
I want to fill my box.
That's your prerogative.
Can I tell you a secret?
Yeah, sure.
I just put you in the romper room.
That's how you do it.
I was wondering...
the box discussion kind of shifted a little bit.
It didn't give me away that I said "box" about 400 times?
I was just trying to stay professional.
- [LAUGHS] - It's, uh...
I might... I might need to start a new tape.
Remember on Facebook when you used to be able
to list yourself as single, in a relationship,
or it's complicated?
- I'm not on Facebook, David. - Oh, of course you're not.
Well, basically, it was just an excuse
to get people to ask, "Okay, what's going on?"
This is like that,
except I don't want you to ask me what's going on.
David, it's my job to ask you what's going on.
Well, you can ask, but...
I'm a bad boy, and I'm not gonna tell you.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, you laughed. I've never seen that before.
This is like a breakthrough for me.
Sometimes I do laugh.
Looky, looky, I got Hookie.
I don't know what that means.
It's from the movie "Hook."
Oh, I didn't see that movie.
Dustin Hoffman murders a child,
which, in hindsight, is... is pretty tragic.
It's this old white man killing this young Asian boy.
This is a children's movie?
Yeah, it's based on Peter Pan.
Oh. I read that.
So you haven't seen any of the Peter Pan movies,
not even the animated one?
I didn't know there was more than one.
You should see "Hook." It's really good.
Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman,
Julia Roberts at her most desperate.
Even more desperate than "My Best Friend's Wedding."
What happened at your best friend's wedding?
No, that's the name of the movie...
- "My Best Friend's Wedding." - Oh.
You didn't see "My Best Friend's Wedding"?
No, David, I didn't.
Well, these are pretty iconic roles for Julia Roberts.
I don't know who that is.
Oh, my God.
My mom's always on my back.
I moved out two years ago, but she's relentless.
I mean, I pay all my bills. I bought my own Xbox.
I'm getting really tense just talking about it
and being in here.
That's okay. That's what this is all about.
You just get all the tension out.
Oh.
Oh, no. Uh...
No, no, no.
Uh, you probably shouldn't...
Ever since the divorce...
my mom's been... [COUGHS]
Whoa! Ugh!
There's a dream of mine that I want
- to open up an ice-cream shop. - That's great.
Whenever you start feeling these panic attacks...
- Uh-huh. - ...I just want you to go in your head
and visualize some of these ice creams.
Oh. And just bring your anxiety down.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Right now, walk me through what this place looks like,
and I'm just gonna do a little exercise here with you, okay? Okay.
I'm not comfortable slapping her on the bottom.
Oh, come on.
Sometimes I just want to make love.
I just want some "PG" butt stuff.
He is way too scared.
Okay, well, "PG" butt stuff, what's wrong with that?
There's no such thing as "PG" butt stuff.
- It's all hard "R." - Oh, fuck off.
Okay, all right, before anyone fucks off,
we're making some real progress here.
Let's say I'm interviewing you for a job.
Okay, so you sit down, I get your résumé.
Why don't you tell me a little bit more about yourself?
Well, I'd like to be sitting exactly where you're sitting
in nearly three years total time.
Wow, that's a lot of ambition. I like ambition.
And I like your daughter.
- What? - I like your daughter.
Okay, you're pointing to a picture
of my daughter on my desk.
Or is that your wife, sir? Congratulations.
Okay, I... I don't think...
That's probably not a good move.
So, you open the front door,
and there's a little bell that rings.
There's wallpaper that's just all candy canes.
Then behind the counter,
it looks like an old-timey soda jerk kind of place.
The tables all have ice cream on the tablecloths.
Wow. And then I'm behind the counter,
and then I might have one employee,
maybe like a teenager or something, who helps me out.
You get those scoops with the little... the clicker scoop.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Okay, but what Daniel is saying is he doesn't believe
that there is "PG" or even "PG-13" butt stuff.
He thinks it begins with the hard "R."
Yeah, I can tell you what he is into
and what he's totally comfortable with
is relentless, sustained eye contact.
It's a very intimate gift you share with your lover.
Can you say "sex"?
- I like to say "making love." - Fucking.
If you had a daughter and I said, "Hi. Nice to meet you.
This is our first time meeting. I want to fuck your daughter."
That's so fucked up, dude.
Exactly. That's what you did.
I was charming, though, about it.
I came in being like, "Oh, who's this magnificent thing?"
"I'd love to fuck it."
Dude, that's rude, dude.
That's rude. That's rude.
But do you know I'm a rude dude?
It says it on the back of my license plate.
You ever do this? Watch this.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Cash money, baby.
[AEROSOL HISSING, DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE]
DAVID: Uh, hi.
Hello.
I was looking for an open door,
and I notice your door is open,
so you must be in the right place.
Oh, uh...
You must be Trevor, my 2:00.
I'm Dr. David Tracy.
Oh, okay. We can start early.
Uh...
Well, normally, I sit there.
But you know what? I-It doesn't matter. You can sit there.
Yeah, yeah, that's... Okay, that's fine.
All right, well, let's get started.
"...But that these therapy sessions are being tape-recorded
to provide a record of the 1,920 supervised clinical hours
needed to acquire such a license."
Oh.
So, what would you like to talk about?
What brings you to therapy?
I'm having a hard time...
holding down a job.
So what is it about these jobs that make them difficult to...
Communication issues come up a lot.
Talking to people wrong comes up.
Working with other people not well is another issue.
The way I dialogue with people.
- Is that cool? - It is cool.
- I'm trying to figure it out. - Yeah.
Yes, that's what we're here to do is to figure it out.
- It is cool. - Is that cool?
- It's cool. - Is it cool?
It is cool.
Cool.
Would you like to talk about it?
I used to have a turtle.
Its name was Thomas. Thomas Turtle.
My girlfriend... I never had a girlfriend...
called it T Squared because of the two T's.
Makes sense. It wasn't a turtle.
It was a tortoise. What's the difference?
Who gives a fuck? I don't.
So I'm having angst.
You know, heavy heart.
Can you describe what having a heavy heart is like?
Lost.
Hopeless.
Dank.
Dark.
Bottomless.
Black.
Endless fucking pit.
So, what are your thoughts?
I-I-I think I'm going to recommend you
to another therapist.
I think your issues might be best dealt with
by someone who has a-a little more experience
in this particular area... whatever it is.
Her name is Sue. She's great.
[CHUCKLES]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[RECORDER CLICKS]
RENETTA: Yes, I will e-mail you the tracking number.
Oh, happy to do it.
No, it's a pleasure.
No, I'm... I'm... I'm honored.
It's... I'm... I'm beside myself.
Yes. No, I... Absolutely.
Yeah, bye-bye.
Uh, Mom, where's the coffee maker?
Oh, the coffee maker was on the fritz, so I threw it out.
These are better, anyway.
What is that?
They're coffee singles
for the professional woman on the go.
Mom, you're retired and you never leave the house.
That's not true.
I go to the racetrack
and my dance class every week.
These can't be good.
Mm-hmm!
Try it.
You know what?
That tastes like water from a tire.
Oh, you.
Always the jokester.
[CHUCKLES]
It's coffee in a bag.
With Amanda, I knew what Saturday looked like...
- Mm-hmm. - ...I knew what Wednesday looked like.
Now...
I don't know if I'm doing it right.
Oh, David, there is no right or wrong.
You're just alive.
That fucking suck.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
Oh, man.
Try your words.
Oh, all I'm thinking of is movie references now.
- Have you seen "The Matrix"? - I have not.
Keanu Reeves.
Is that someone you know?
Holy shit!
Get a magazine.
Oh, David, it's so clear when you're judging.
[SIGHS]
♪
- I thought you said it was cool. - I never said it was cool.
Do you know that every time he comes, he cries?
You can't tell him that. That's private.
Is it true?
Yes.
Well, you don't need to cry. It's... It's natural.
It's just a really emotional moment for me.
Have you ever read the book
"Johnny Got His Gun" by Dalton Trumbo?
No.
Don't read it.
Why would you bring it up then if you don't want me to read it?
Now all I'm gonna think about is that book
and having to go get it. What's it about?
Oh, boy. Okay, it's about a World War I soldier
who is too close to an explosion,
and the doctors save his life, but, basically,
it's caved in his face so he can't see.
So he's living in his mind,
and he's remembering all these things,
and he's kind of aware of what's... what's happening, but...
Why would you bring this book up?
Why would I... Why would I ever want to read this book?
Well, hold on. There's kind of a happy ending.
Well, not really.
Can you say that you want to have sex with her?
I want to have sex with you.
You sound like a 13-year-old talking to a prostitute.
That's really vile.
Just finish your bowl and we'll get back to this, okay?
And don't blow it in my face.
Do not cash it in my plant.
What if you weren't afraid of being inside?
What if when you were inside, it was a very happy place?
You ever see "Diving Bell and the Butterfly"?
- No. What is that? - It's this gorgeous French movie.
It's about this guy who gets paralyzed,
- and all he can see is a tiny sliver. - What?
I don't want to hear about these people who are in comas.
It's quite beautiful.
It sounds horrifying.
I wish you would make a little more progress
in my ass and pussy, because this is bullshit.
We're not in prison. I'm not gonna touch her asshole.
Assholes are in play everywhere, not just prison.
- [COUGHS] - Finish the bowl.
Last of the bowlhicans.
No.
- I never saw that. - Never say that again.
- Last of the bowlhicans? - Never say that again.
- Last of the... - That's it. Stop.
Stop, please.
Never say "Last of the bowlhicans" again.
Don't say it to me. Don't say it to yourself.
Do not say it to other people.
Well, I'm 1/4 bowlhican.
[SIGHS]
Jesus.
How deep is that fucking bowl?!
GREG: This was my uncle's go-to picnic and promenade spot.
DAVID: Of course it was. This place is beautiful. Mm.
Doesn't it mean something
that he wanted to share all this with you?
Yeah, but in light of recent events,
the whole park has taken on a...
hue of lasciviousness.
Come on. What could be more wholesome
than a walk in the park?
I just saw that squirrel trying to get a nut.
Well, that's okay. That's what squirrels eat.
I can't help but notice we're surrounded by wood.
Well, yeah, they're trees. This is nature.
And the grass.
What about it?
Looks like pubes coming from the ground.
Jesus.
You're a computer programmer, right?
- Freelance, yeah. - Great, okay.
So what you have is a bug in your software.
That's how you're thinking about your uncle.
All you have to do is update your software and fix the bug.
[LAUGHS] Doc, I-I wish it was that simple, I really do.
Well, it can be.
You have to realize that he was a normal person
just ahead of his time.
- He was a progressive. - No, he wasn't.
It's totally normal behavior.
- No, it is not. - Yes, it is.
Prove it.
I mean, you can't just say... Look, we're...
Mankind's understanding of sexuality
continues to evolve, right?
- Mm-hmm. - It regressed for a while,
and now it's... now it's... it's back.
You know, Doc, I would like to leave now
and go get a cup of coffee.
Those two bushes are starting to bother me.
I really think we should stay here.
You're not gonna learn anything if you're not...
[SIGHS]
I really think I'd like to go get some coffee.
- Oh, the cruel timing. - What?
Uh, oh, okay. Maybe we should get a cup of coffee.
- Yeah. - Let's go back this way.
Well, I'm parked right over here.
No, no, no. We got to go back this way.
Trust me, submit to the process.
- I'm just... - But I'm...
[DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE]
- You keep the blender in your room now? - I have to.
Okay, you keep the toaster down there, too,
- 'cause it's missing? - [LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
You don't know what's going on, do you?
You've been too busy fake-doctoring
out in the garage all week.
Look, you know where the toaster is or not?
[CLEARS THROAT] Come on. Let's go for a walk.
Do you remember what was on that wall?
Uh, no, Barry, I don't.
The clown painting Uncle Gary made in rehab.
Oh, right. What happened to it?
Come on, follow me. We're not done yet.
What's missing from that corner?
Uh, I don't...
It's pretty dark in here, David.
Wait.
The lamp is missing? It's gone?
Ding, ding, ding, fucking idiot.
Photo hunt's not even over yet.
Wait a minute. Where are the DVDs?
France, Iowa.
Whoever Mom sold them to, that's where they are.
"Terminator 1," gone.
"Terminator 2," gone.
"Terminator Salvation," gone.
"Terminator: Rise of the Machines," gone.
"Terminator: Genisys," gone.
- "Triplets of Belleville," gone. - What?
David, you shouldn't be worried about
your old French lesbian cartoon.
You should be worried about the fact
that Mom's selling all this shit.
They were sisters. They're not lesbians.
French people are weird.
[SIGHS] She's worried about the loans.
Yeah, she is.
We all are.
You've crippled us, David.
Okay.
- You've crippled your family. - Okay.
All right, well...
I'll be in the basement with the door locked
so that no one can steal my shit and sell it on the Internet.
Oh, no.
She got the blender! God damn it!
Mom!
[HORN HONKS]
DAVID: I'm sorry.
What the hell were we talking about before this?
Oh. I was not talking about my secret crush.
Right.
- Who is she? - I don't know.
[SINGSONG VOICE] Doug.
Come on.
Hmm, Doug?
You know how I get when you sing my name.
- Who is she? - I can't tell you.
[NORMAL VOICE] Is it Tanya from that Lady Footlocker?
No, she won't return my calls.
Is it Kimberly, that high-powered librarian downtown?
No, she won't return my calls.
Is it Desiree, the kindergarten teacher by your house?
No, she moved to Scottsdale.
Oh, no. Oh, dear.
I can't tell you who it is.
But it's cool to be eating food with you again.
Yeah.
Remember when we used to take breaks from watching TV
and go out on the porch?
- Oh, yeah. - Hey, also, you remember when
Cats Back on the Boogie used to harmonize?
Like...
BOTH: ♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Yeah, I remember that.
Mm. Cats love harmonizing.
♪
GREG: I wish I had known prior to meeting you what this place was.
This is what we refer to as immersion therapy, all right?
You surround yourself by the things
that are causing you anxiety.
Now, the real reason that I brought you here
was so that I could point out the customers
and you could see for yourself just how normal they are.
Okay, look... for example.
All right, look at this. Perfectly normal couple.
They're probably teachers or...
Well, you take a crack at it.
Yeah, sure. They could be anything.
Um...
- Kindergarten teachers. - Good.
First-grade teachers.
Second-grade teachers.
Okay, a little redundant, but good, good.
Oh. Here we go, Greg.
Look at this perfectly normal person.
Okay, he's just browsing the DVD selection.
Not really sure why.
Whatever he's looking at could easily be found online,
and probably in multitude.
Everything's online these days.
Some of the nastiest stuff is online.
But, again, we're not here to judge.
He's entitled to his sexual desires, just like anyone else.
You know, whether it's S&M or BDSM or foot stuff.
- Foot stuff? - Oh, man.
I had this friend who was
completely obsessed with foot stuff.
Basically, it's when two people...
Well, one person takes their feet and...
Well, I guess you could have one foot if you're...
- What? - It doesn't matter.
The point is this is a perfectly normal, well-adjusted man
who happens to be sexually open-minded,
just like your uncle.
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm starting to get this now. - Okay.
Like those two white women over there,
they probably own an Etsy business
making scarves and handmade headbands.
Yes, yes, exactly. That's very good.
- That... Aah. - Is this part of the exercise, Doc?
Uh...
What's wrong?
Uh, um, I'll be right back.
Where... Where are you going?
♪
Hey.
Hello, David.
Well, this is kind of weird, huh?
Not really.
Just normal people expressing themselves in a sexual way.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
What do you think I'm doing here, David?
Oh, yeah.
The thing you just said.
I'm sorry.
I'm just here with a...
...uncle.
David, I don't need to know.
Right. Of course.
♪
I'll see you next week?
- Goodbye, David. - Okay.
GREG: So, really, all this does
is add a tingling sensation to my genitalia during intercourse?
Yes.
I wouldn't be opposed to that.
You take debit card?
♪
I mean, I think you did pretty good.
I got to say, you got a pretty good haul.
You got to feel good about your purchases, but, honestly, you...
- Oh. - [CHUCKLES]
Thank you.
Honestly, you did a...
Yeah, I'll se... I'll see you at the...
Okay.
♪
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com
♪