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00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:07,566
## [Chorus Singing]
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00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:20,186
[Bell Ringing]
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[Whistle Blowing]
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00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:33,459
[Beeping]
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♪♪ [Jazzy Solo]
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[Beeping]
7
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[Tires Screeching]
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D'oh!
[Screams]
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Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy.
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The following tale of
alien encounters is true.
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And by true, I mean false.
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It's all lies.
But they're entertaining lies.
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And in the end,
isn't that the real truth?
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The answer is no.
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Our story begins
on a Friday morning...
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in a little town called Springfield.
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T.G.I. F! Guys, I'm off to Moe's.
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But, Homer,
it's 10:00 in the morning.
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Don't worry. I have a plan.
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I saw this in a movie about a bus
that had to speed around the city...
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keeping its speed over 50.
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And if its speed dropped,
it would explode.
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I think it was called
The Bus that Couldn't Slow Down.
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First, I hook this common VCR...
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into the security camera system like so.
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Then I insert this old videotape
of us working...
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on a continuous loop.
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[No Audible Dialogue]
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So, another Friday is upon us.
What will you be doing, Smithers?
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- Something gay, no doubt?
- What? What?
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You know, lighthearted, fancy-free.
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Mothers, lock up your daughters.
Smithers is on the town.
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Exactly, sir.
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Thank God it's Wednesday!
35
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- It's Friday.
- Uh-oh. Wrong pills.
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Uh, little help?
37
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Sorry, Donkey Kong.
You are just not a draw anymore.
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Hey, he's still got it!
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[Coins Clattering]
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Thirty-eight, 39, 40 quarters.
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This better be good.
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[Computerized Voice]
Game over. Please deposit 40 quarters.
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What a rip!
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Thank God it's Friday.
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♪♪ [Humming]
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Hello.
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Hello?
48
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[Santa's Little Helper Growling]
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- Bad dog!
- [Snowball Yowling]
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Bad cat!
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00:04:04,143 --> 00:04:06,134
Bad fawn. Hmm.
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- Shoo! Shoo!
- All right!
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00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:11,882
It's time for ABC's
T.G.I.F. line-up.
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00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:16,354
Lise, when you get a little older,
you'll learn that Friday's just another day...
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between NBC's Must-See Thursday
and CBS's Saturday night crap-o-rama.
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Another Duff, Homer?
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Nah. It's Friday night, Moe.
I wanna try something special.
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00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:33,435
Uh, sure. Sure.
Here you go. Düff, from Sweden.
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Go!
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Wait a minute!
This is Duff!
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[Chuckles]
Ya got me, didn't ya?
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All right. Here you go.
Red Tick Beer.
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Hmm. Bold, refreshing...
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and something I can't quite
put my finger on.
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[Dogs Barking]
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Hmm. Needs more dog.
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[Men Snoring]
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Well, it's 1:00 a.m.
Better go home...
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00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,099
and spend some quality time
with the kids.
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00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:08,572
Just a second. You gotta take
a Breathalyzer test before I let you drive home.
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[Beeping]
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Uh, I guess I'll walk home.
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[Moaning]
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[Dog Barking]
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## [Eerie]
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[Sighs]
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[Panting, Whimpering]
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[Screams]
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[Screams]
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[Gasps]
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Oh, Son, I'm glad to see ya!
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I went for the morning paper
and I got lost!
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No time for you, old man.
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[Hooting]
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[Gasps]
Please, don't hurt me.
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[High-pitched]
Don't be afraid.
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[Screaming]
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[Panting]
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Homer, it's 2:00 a.m.
What happened?
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It was an alien! It appeared in front of me
and said, "Don't be afraid"!
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00:07:01,317 --> 00:07:04,480
- Have you been drinking?
- No! Well, 10 beers.
92
00:07:04,587 --> 00:07:07,021
[Groans]
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00:07:07,123 --> 00:07:09,216
I'm telling you I saw a creature
from another planet.
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00:07:09,325 --> 00:07:11,691
- Maybe you just dreamed it.
- Oh, yeah?
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When I came to, I was covered
with a sticky translucent goo.
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00:07:15,064 --> 00:07:17,396
- Explain that.
- More sausage?
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[Moaning]
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Dad, according to Junior Skeptic Magazine,
the chances are a 175 million-to-one...
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00:07:24,607 --> 00:07:27,872
of another form of life actually
coming in contact with ours.
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00:07:27,977 --> 00:07:30,844
- So?
- It's just the people
who claim they've seen aliens...
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00:07:30,946 --> 00:07:34,177
are always pathetic lowlifes
with boring jobs.
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Oh. And you, Dad.
[Chuckles]
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I am the thing from Uranus!
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[Gasps]
Oh, it's Bart. I can't believe it.
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I'm being mocked by my own children
on my birthday.
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- It's your birthday?
- Yes. Remember, it's the same day as the dog's.
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Santa's Little Helper,
it's your birthday?
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Oh. We gotta get you a present.
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Yes, we do. Yes, we do.
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- We love you, boy.
- Good doggy. Good doggy.
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Lousy lovable dog.
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Oh, it was awful.
They set me on a cold, metal table...
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and prodded me
with humiliating probes.
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And then- Oh, wait.
That was my physical.
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- [All Scoff]
- Great story, Homer. Really.
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The alien has a sweet,
heavenly voice, like Urkel.
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And he appears every Friday night...
like Urkel!
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Well, your story is very compelling,
Mr. Jackass- I mean, Simpson.
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So, I'll just type it up
on my invisible typewriter.
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♪♪ [Humming]
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You don't have to humiliate me.
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I just torched a building downtown
and I'm afraid I'll do it again!
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Yeah, right. I'll just type it up
on my invisible typewriter.
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♪♪ [Humming]
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Fruitcake.
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Look at this, Scully.
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There's been another unsubstantiated
U.F.O. sighting in the heartland of America.
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- We've gotta get there right away.
- Well, gee, Mulder.
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There's also this report
of a shipment of drugs...
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and illegal weapons coming
into New Jersey tonight.
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I hardly think the F.B.I.'s concerned
with matters like that.
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Hello. Can I help you?
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Agents Mulder and Scully, F.B.I.
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[Gasps] Is this about that pen
that I took from the post office?
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I swear, I didn't know
I put it in my purse!
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Then I was going to bring it back,
but the dog chewed it up.
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And that just made things worse.
[Hyperventilating]
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Actually, we're here to see your husband
about his U.F.O. encounter.
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Oh. Come- Come in.
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Mr. Simpson, look at this lineup and tell us
if any of these are the aliens you saw.
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Yo!
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- No, I'm sorry.
- This is an outrage dragging me into-
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00:10:11,941 --> 00:10:13,841
Oh, this makes me very angry.
144
00:10:15,211 --> 00:10:17,179
Now, we're going to run
a few tests.
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This is a simple lie detector.
I'll ask you a few yes or no questions...
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and you just answer truthfully.
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- Do you understand?
- Yes.
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00:10:35,364 --> 00:10:37,264
Ow.
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[Panting]
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00:10:39,368 --> 00:10:41,768
Wait a minute, Scully.
What's the point of this test?
151
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No point. I just thought
he could stand to lose a little weight.
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His jiggling is almost hypnotic.
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Yes. It's like a lava lamp.
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[Mulder]
All right, Homer.
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We want you to re-create your every move
the night you saw this alien.
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00:11:05,027 --> 00:11:07,655
Well, the evening began
at the gentlemen's club...
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where we were discussing Wittgenstein
over a game of backgammon.
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00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,435
Mr. Simpson, it's a felony
to lie to the F.B.I.
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00:11:14,536 --> 00:11:18,734
We were sitting in Barney's car
eating packets of mustard. You happy?
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00:11:18,841 --> 00:11:23,210
[Drunkenly]
You are one fine lookin' woman, lady.
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00:11:23,312 --> 00:11:27,146
If I wasn't married,
I'd go out with you like that!
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I am so sorry.
163
00:11:31,687 --> 00:11:35,145
Whatever you do, don't tell Marge.
God, I love her!
164
00:11:35,257 --> 00:11:37,157
Hey, a penny!
165
00:11:37,259 --> 00:11:41,855
- So, who are you guys anyhow?
- Agents Mulder and Scully, F.B.I.
166
00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:44,432
F.B.I., huh?
Uh, excuse me.
167
00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:48,736
All right, they're on to us!
Get him back to Sea World!
168
00:11:48,837 --> 00:11:51,931
[Weakly Squealing]
169
00:11:52,041 --> 00:11:54,976
So I says, blue M&M, red M&M-
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00:11:55,077 --> 00:11:58,274
they all wind up
the same color in the end.
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00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:01,611
Homer, why don't you show us
where you went when you left the bar?
172
00:12:01,717 --> 00:12:06,950
I was standing right here when the
horrible creature emerged from the woods.
173
00:12:09,124 --> 00:12:11,183
For the love of God, help me!
174
00:12:11,293 --> 00:12:15,286
I've been here for four days
and a turtle's got ahold of my teeth!
175
00:12:15,397 --> 00:12:17,729
There he is!
176
00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:21,394
Come back here, you!
Slow down! I'll get ya!
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[Grunting]
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00:12:24,873 --> 00:12:26,773
This is the worst assignment
we've ever had.
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00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:30,038
Worse than the time we were attacked
by the flesh-eating virus?
180
00:12:30,145 --> 00:12:33,672
Ow! He bit me
with my own teeth!
181
00:12:33,782 --> 00:12:35,716
No. This is much more irritating.
182
00:12:35,818 --> 00:12:37,718
I've seen enough, Mulder.
Let's go.
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00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:41,153
Yeah, okay. But somewhere out there,
something is watching us.
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00:12:41,256 --> 00:12:44,248
There are alien forces acting in ways
we can't perceive.
185
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,260
Are we alone in the universe?
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00:12:46,362 --> 00:12:49,229
Impossible when you consider
the wonders that exist all around us.
187
00:12:49,331 --> 00:12:52,892
Voodoo priests of Haiti, the
Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia...
188
00:12:53,001 --> 00:12:56,437
the unsolved mysteries
of Unsolved Mysteries.
189
00:12:56,538 --> 00:12:59,336
The truth is out there!
190
00:12:59,441 --> 00:13:02,808
[Grunting]
191
00:13:02,911 --> 00:13:06,176
Who'd have thought a whale
could be so heavy?
192
00:13:06,281 --> 00:13:09,148
- Geez, it's the feds!
- [Whale Weakly Squeals]
193
00:13:09,251 --> 00:13:13,585
Oh, Marge, I never felt so alone.
No one believes me.
194
00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:17,682
Uh, this is the part where you're
supposed to say, "I believe you, Homer."
195
00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:21,160
- I don't believe you, Homer.
- You do? Oh, Marge!
196
00:13:21,263 --> 00:13:23,823
- You've made me so happy.
- [Groans]
197
00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:27,163
You're not listening. You're only
hearing what you want to hear.
198
00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:29,635
Thanks! I'd love
an omelet right about now.
199
00:13:29,738 --> 00:13:33,037
Homer, please!
I try to be supportive.
200
00:13:33,142 --> 00:13:36,942
But this has gone too far.
Please, just let it be.
201
00:13:37,045 --> 00:13:39,445
No, I can't.
This is my cause.
202
00:13:39,548 --> 00:13:42,608
I'm like the man who single-handedly
built the rocket and went to the moon.
203
00:13:42,718 --> 00:13:44,743
What was his name?
Apollo Creed?
204
00:13:44,853 --> 00:13:47,287
- Please, let's just go to sleep.
- No.
205
00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:50,916
I refuse to share a bed
with someone who thinks I'm crazy.
206
00:13:51,026 --> 00:13:53,893
Unless you're feeling amorous.
[Growls]
207
00:13:53,996 --> 00:13:56,794
- No, I'm not.
- Well, then, good night.
208
00:13:56,899 --> 00:14:00,198
Hey, Dad. What's the word
from planet Crackpot?
209
00:14:00,302 --> 00:14:02,532
Oh, I suppose
you're going to mock me too.
210
00:14:02,638 --> 00:14:05,300
Well, actually, Dad,
I believe you.
211
00:14:05,407 --> 00:14:09,138
- You do?
- Yes, I do. You seem so damn sure.
212
00:14:09,244 --> 00:14:12,372
Thank you, Son. Now, do you think
you could stop the casual swearing?
213
00:14:12,481 --> 00:14:14,506
- Hell, yes!
- That's my boy.
214
00:14:14,616 --> 00:14:16,914
Well, if you believe in me,
then I'm not going to give up.
215
00:14:17,019 --> 00:14:20,113
I'll prove I'm right. This Friday,
we're going back to the woods.
216
00:14:20,222 --> 00:14:22,315
And we're going to find
that alien.
217
00:14:22,424 --> 00:14:26,190
- What if we don't?
- We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox network.
218
00:14:26,295 --> 00:14:29,162
[Chuckles]
They'll buy anything.
219
00:14:29,264 --> 00:14:32,597
Now, Son, they do a lot
of quality programming too.
220
00:14:37,573 --> 00:14:39,473
I kill me.
221
00:14:41,910 --> 00:14:44,208
- Bud.
- Weis.
- Er.
222
00:14:44,313 --> 00:14:46,543
- Bud.
- Weis.
- Er.
223
00:14:46,648 --> 00:14:49,139
Coors.
224
00:14:49,251 --> 00:14:50,309
- Yo, Dad. Can I have a sip of your beer?
- Now, Son.
225
00:14:56,191 --> 00:14:58,557
You don't wanna drink beer.
That's for daddies and kids with fake I.D.'s.
226
00:14:58,660 --> 00:14:59,251
Besides, it's such
a beautiful night.
227
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:00,760
How about a ghost story?
228
00:15:00,863 --> 00:15:04,390
And that is how much college
will cost for Maggie.
229
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:07,469
No! No! No!
230
00:15:10,172 --> 00:15:13,073
You know, Dad, it doesn't matter
that we didn't see the alien.
231
00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:15,075
I really had
a great time out here.
232
00:15:15,177 --> 00:15:18,738
Yeah. Me too.
233
00:15:18,847 --> 00:15:21,008
It's him!
234
00:15:26,188 --> 00:15:28,247
[High-pitched]
I bring you peace.
235
00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:32,554
As a representative
of planet Earth...
236
00:15:32,661 --> 00:15:35,528
let me be the first to say-
[Screams]
237
00:15:35,631 --> 00:15:38,156
[Screaming]
238
00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:40,792
[Gasps]
239
00:15:40,903 --> 00:15:44,839
D'oh! He's gone.
And we still don't have any proof.
240
00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:47,909
Oh, yes, we do.
I got it all on tape.
241
00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:52,413
Good work, Son!
We did it! We did it!
242
00:15:53,949 --> 00:15:57,441
And so, from this simple man
came the proof...
243
00:15:57,553 --> 00:16:00,317
that we are not alone
in the universe.
244
00:16:00,422 --> 00:16:02,617
I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night.
245
00:16:04,126 --> 00:16:06,720
[Man] Uh, Mr. Nimoy,
we have 10 minutes left.
246
00:16:06,828 --> 00:16:09,524
Oh. Fine.
247
00:16:09,631 --> 00:16:11,758
Well, let me just get...
248
00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:14,267
uh, something out of my car.
249
00:16:14,369 --> 00:16:16,769
- [Footsteps Running]
- [Door Closes]
250
00:16:16,872 --> 00:16:20,171
[Car Driving Away]
251
00:16:20,275 --> 00:16:22,800
I don't think
he's coming back.
252
00:16:26,682 --> 00:16:28,673
[Kent Brockman]
Tonight on Eyewitness News...
253
00:16:28,784 --> 00:16:32,185
a man who's been in a coma
for 23 years wakes up.
254
00:16:32,287 --> 00:16:34,847
Do Sonny and Cher still
have that stupid show?
255
00:16:34,957 --> 00:16:38,051
No. She won an Oscar,
and he's a congressman.
256
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:41,527
- Good night!
- [Long Continuous Beep]
257
00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:45,691
But first, E.T., phone Homer...
Simpson, that is.
258
00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:48,429
Marge! Kids!
They're about to show my videotape.
259
00:16:48,537 --> 00:16:52,735
Local man, Homer Simpson, shown here
with his tongue stuck to a lamppost...
260
00:16:52,841 --> 00:16:54,741
has given us this videotape.
261
00:16:54,843 --> 00:16:57,334
It's a close encounter
of the blurred kind.
262
00:17:01,817 --> 00:17:04,752
I bring you peace.
263
00:17:04,853 --> 00:17:08,186
The alien has appeared in the same
Springfield pasture the past two Friday nights.
264
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:12,021
Will it appear again this Friday?
The entire Channel 6 news team will be there...
265
00:17:12,127 --> 00:17:15,426
except for Phil, the boom mike operator,
who's getting fired tomorrow.
266
00:17:15,530 --> 00:17:17,862
[Groans]
Very unprofessional, Phil.
267
00:17:17,966 --> 00:17:20,366
Well, Lise, what do you think
about the alien now?
268
00:17:20,469 --> 00:17:22,869
I think there must be
a more logical explanation.
269
00:17:22,971 --> 00:17:27,499
I think the people of this town aren't gonna
be won over by three seconds of videotape.
270
00:17:27,609 --> 00:17:30,476
[Doorbell Rings]
271
00:17:30,579 --> 00:17:34,675
Uh, I'm happy to answer
any questions you have about the alien.
272
00:17:34,783 --> 00:17:37,308
Any questions at all. Dr. Hibbert?
273
00:17:37,419 --> 00:17:40,479
Yes. Is the alien carbon-based
or silicon-based?
274
00:17:40,589 --> 00:17:44,491
Uh, the second one.
"Zilliphone." Next question.
275
00:17:44,593 --> 00:17:48,085
- Is the alien Santa Claus?
- Uh, yes.
276
00:17:48,196 --> 00:17:50,357
Were you on my roof last night
stealing my weather vane?
277
00:17:56,471 --> 00:17:58,564
This interview is over!
278
00:17:58,674 --> 00:17:59,766
I remember another gentle visitor
from the heavens.
279
00:17:59,875 --> 00:18:02,708
He came in peace,
and then died...
280
00:18:02,811 --> 00:18:05,211
only to come back to life.
281
00:18:05,313 --> 00:18:07,406
And his name was...
282
00:18:07,516 --> 00:18:10,212
E.T., the extraterrestrial.
283
00:18:10,318 --> 00:18:13,378
[Sniffles]
I love that little guy.
284
00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:17,125
♪♪ [Warming Up]
285
00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:17,750
♪♪ [Warming Up]
286
00:18:22,831 --> 00:18:24,594
[Chattering]
287
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:26,429
Leonard Nimoy?
What are you doing here?
288
00:18:26,535 --> 00:18:27,866
Wherever there is mystery
and the unexplained...
289
00:18:27,969 --> 00:18:30,494
cosmic forces shall draw me near.
290
00:18:30,605 --> 00:18:30,972
- Uh-huh.
- Hey, Spock! What do you want on your hot dog?
291
00:18:35,444 --> 00:18:36,308
Surprise me.
292
00:18:36,411 --> 00:18:38,641
Take a look at this, Lisa.
293
00:18:38,747 --> 00:18:42,205
You don't see any "Homer Is A Dope"
T-shirts, do you?
294
00:18:42,317 --> 00:18:45,548
- We sold those out in five minutes.
- D'oh!
295
00:18:45,654 --> 00:18:47,986
Marge, how could you?
296
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:50,217
These shirts are 100% cotton.
297
00:18:50,325 --> 00:18:54,728
- And look at the fine stitching on "Dope."
- I'll take two.
298
00:18:54,830 --> 00:18:58,288
[Thunder Rumbling]
299
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,062
- [Gasps]
- [Screams]
300
00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:04,570
Look. There it is.
301
00:19:07,909 --> 00:19:12,642
Oh, Homie.
Homie, I'm so sorry I doubted you.
302
00:19:14,416 --> 00:19:16,407
I bring you love.
303
00:19:16,518 --> 00:19:18,543
Is that the love
between a man and a woman...
304
00:19:18,653 --> 00:19:22,612
or the love of a man
for a fine Cuban cigar?
305
00:19:22,724 --> 00:19:26,751
Uh, I bring you love.
306
00:19:26,862 --> 00:19:30,161
- It's bringing love! Don't let it get away!
- Break its legs!
307
00:19:30,265 --> 00:19:34,326
[All Shouting]
308
00:19:36,304 --> 00:19:38,932
Wait! You want an alien?
309
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,304
This is your alien!
310
00:19:41,409 --> 00:19:44,344
Hello, children.
I bring you love.
311
00:19:44,446 --> 00:19:48,405
[Gasps]
It's a monster! Kill it! Kill it!
312
00:19:48,517 --> 00:19:50,849
It's not a monster.
It's Mr. Burns.
313
00:19:50,952 --> 00:19:53,284
Oh, it's Mr. Burns.
314
00:19:53,388 --> 00:19:55,356
Kill it! Kill it!
315
00:19:55,457 --> 00:19:57,357
No. No, let me explain.
316
00:19:57,459 --> 00:20:00,917
Every Friday evening after work, Mr. Burns
undergoes a series of medical treatments...
317
00:20:01,029 --> 00:20:03,463
designed to cheat death
for another week.
318
00:20:03,565 --> 00:20:07,057
First, Mr. Burns's chiropractors
perform a slight spinal adjustment.
319
00:20:07,169 --> 00:20:10,161
- [Bones Cracking]
- [Groaning]
320
00:20:13,074 --> 00:20:17,204
Then a team of doctors
administers eye drops...
321
00:20:17,312 --> 00:20:19,837
- painkillers...
- [Sighs]
322
00:20:19,948 --> 00:20:22,678
- and a vocal-cord scraping.
- Don't worry.
323
00:20:22,784 --> 00:20:24,684
You won't feel a thing...
324
00:20:24,786 --> 00:20:28,187
till I jam this down your throat.
325
00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:31,259
The whole ordeal leaves Mr. Burns
twisted and disoriented.
326
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,725
♪♪ [Humming]
327
00:20:36,131 --> 00:20:40,033
The most rewarding part
was when he gave me my money.
328
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:41,830
But what's with the glowing?
329
00:20:41,937 --> 00:20:44,064
Um, I'll field that question.
330
00:20:44,172 --> 00:20:46,436
A lifetime of working
in a nuclear power plant...
331
00:20:46,541 --> 00:20:49,009
has given me
a healthy green glow...
332
00:20:49,110 --> 00:20:52,739
and left me as impotent as
a Nevada boxing commissioner.
333
00:20:52,848 --> 00:20:56,249
And now that I'm back to normal,
I don't bring you peace and love.
334
00:20:56,351 --> 00:20:59,115
I bring you fear, famine,
pestilence and-
335
00:20:59,221 --> 00:21:01,189
Time for a booster.
336
00:21:01,289 --> 00:21:05,282
♪♪ [Singing Cheerful Song]
337
00:21:15,503 --> 00:21:20,167
♪♪ [All Singing Cheerful Song]
338
00:21:23,845 --> 00:21:27,246
You said you'd bring them peace and love,
and it looks like you did it.
339
00:21:27,349 --> 00:21:30,785
I'm proud of you, Homie.
340
00:21:30,886 --> 00:21:34,151
Thanks, Marge.
341
00:21:34,256 --> 00:21:36,247
- ## [Singing Continues]
- [Roaring]
342
00:21:39,694 --> 00:21:42,424
♪♪ [Singing Ends]
343
00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:45,499
And so concludes our tale.
I'm Leonard Nimoy.
344
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,036
Good night, and keep
watching the skis!
345
00:21:49,137 --> 00:21:51,105
Uh, skies.
346
00:22:40,488 --> 00:22:43,355
- [Murmuring]
- Shh!