[engine revvs]
# - Whoa! - Woo! #
♪ Those snails are fast ♪
- # Turbo - F-A-S-T #
♪ That's the team you'll never beat ♪
♪ Turbo, he got super speed ♪
♪ Whiplash, he jets to the lead ♪
♪ Skidmark, propeller flow ♪
♪ Chet's safe, he'll take it slow ♪
♪ Smoove Move with them speakers, baby ♪
♪ Burn burnin' that fire crazy ♪
♪ White Shadow, big with no fear ♪
♪ Now you know the team is here ♪
♪ There they go, gone in a flash ♪
- # Those snails are fast - Turbo #
- # Those snails are fast - Whoa! #
♪ Those snails are fast, fast, fast, fast, fast ♪
- # Turbo - Woo! #
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
[electricity zapping, crackling]
[laughing maniacally]
Behold the peach-mato! I've finally done the impossible.
Combined the deliciousness of a tomato
with the fuzzy pet-ability of a peach!
There could be some side effects, so I'll need someone to test it out.
Oh, so you turn to the guinea pig!
Old Gary the Guinea Pig will eat anything!
Who cares he has a PhD in Botanical Engineering?
No, no, I just meant you could test it out with the lab kit.
Come on, Gary!
Sheesh, so touchy.
Although I suppose I could just find some sucker to eat this thing.
But who?
Ooh.
Peach-mato!
Now, before you eat this, I'm legally required to tell you
that it may have side effects, including but not limited to,
fatigue, dry mouth, swelling of the mucus gland,
emotional instability, stalk itch...
Stinky Shell Syndrome, butt warts...
[burps]
Tastes like fuzzy.
So, how do you feel? Achy? Sneezy? Litigious?
[screaming]
What's happening to me?
Oh, no! This has gone horribly wrong!
[grunts]
Oh, it's just hair.
[whistles]
Hey, I look good!
You don't just look good. You look like Aiden Hardshell!
You know, the famous acting snail from such hit movies
as Starfish Troopers,
and Supreme Justice,
and his crossover comedy hit, Good Cop, Dad Cop.
These conveniently placed posters really help illustrate your point!
You know, I've always wanted to be treated like a celebrity.
[sighs]
[camera clicking]
[screaming]
One scoop of tomatoberry, please.
Are you kidding me? A famous snail like you doesn't pay for gelato.
You come back here and eat whatever you like!
Aiden Hardshell? I can't believe you're here!
There's something I've always wanted to give you.
Ooh, thanks!
I love balloon animals!
[laughing] Look at it go!
[sighs]
Hey, Aiden Hardshell!
You want cut-sies? Celebrities always get cut-sies!
- Move it, jerks! - [both] Hey!
[giggles]
Hey, Shadow, I just invented a new uranium-powered racing shell.
You want to be the first to try it out?
No thanks, I already ate.
Plus, it turns out, you get all sorts of free perks for being a celebrity.
So, I decided to go where all the glamorous celebrities hang out.
Hollywood!
[coughing]
Star maps! Get your star maps here!
This is no star map!
Sure it is. It's a map of the stars in the sky!
[laughs]
No refund!
Hey! There's quarters in here!
Nice! Stealing from these tourists is like taking money from a baby.
Babies don't have money, you chowderhead. They have candy.
You can't give a baby candy, it'll rot their teeths!
That's why it's okay to take it from them!
[grunting]
Holy crab cakes! Look!
It's Aiden Hardshell.
What's he doing here? I've never seen a real celebrity in Hollywood.
Oh, who cares? This gives me a great idea.
Yeah, let's get him to sign our shells!
No, you barnacle brain!
If we kidnap him and hold him for ransom,
his big-shot showbiz friends will pay a ton of dough to get their star back!
Oh, yeah!
Maybe we'll finally get our claws on some of that paper money!
Hey!
How's it going? Get my good side.
Ooh, what's this?
"Fancy Hollywood day spa. Free for celebrities."
That sounds fancy!
[grunts]
This must be... to relax my... muscles.
How... luxurious!
[tires screeching]
Ooh! Complimentary relaxation mask and seaweed wrap.
I don't have to pay for this, right?
No, somebody else is going to pay. Pay big time!
Cool! As long as it isn't me.
The key is to let these show business types know that we mean business.
We gotta break off a chunk of this guy's shell
and send it to his agent.
All right! But let me do it, so you don't screw it up.
Quick question, is there a massage included in this spa package?
Ooh.
Shell-atsu! Thanks. I've been carrying a lot of tension back there.
[sighs]
That's the stuff.
No, you listen to me, Margie!
My client's contract states he gets fancy nuts in his trailer,
but all I'm hearing about is peanuts and cashews!
[indistinct arguing over phone]
A cashew is not a fancy nut and you know it!
You're not talking to a guppy from the mailroom.
I'm Ari Flipping Goldfish!
Great, thanks. Love ya, babe.
Aiden, baby, when you get back to set, you'll be swimming in pistachios.
Who's your favorite agent?
Ari, you have a particular set of skills,
skills not unlike that of a ruthless shark.
Excuse me, Mr. Goldfish, this was just messengered over.
Well, what does it say?
"If you ever want to see Aiden Hardshell again,
you gots to cough up a wicked huge pile of moolah."
What is this, some kind of joke? Aiden's right here!
I want you to take that note and shove it down your thorax!
Yes, Mr. Goldfish.
Now, Aiden, baby, I'd love to swim here and chat all day,
but you gotta get down to set and I've got a lunch.
Sammy!
[White Shadow] Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys!
Hey, guys!
- Guys! - What? What is it?
My seaweed wrap is getting loose again.
And can I get some of that cucumber water?
That's a spa thing, right?
We don't have any stinking cucumber water!
If you want us celebrities to come back here,
you should look into that.
What the heck is wrong with this guy? He likes being kidnapped.
I don't know about this plan. His agent should have called.
He must take us for a couple of chumps. We better up our game.
[sniffs, sighs]
Thanks, guys. This steam really opens up the pores.
Would you quit smiling?
Oh! Sorry!
There! Now we just need to text this to his agent.
We should send an email. It's more professional.
But a text is instant-like, and sometimes
you can see those little dots that mean they're replying.
Here's what I say to your dots!
Hey, guys?
Sorry to bother, but could you play some of those soothing whale sounds?
That always helps me relax.
No! No whale sounds! Now quit asking for stuff!
That's okay. I'll just make them myself.
[bellowing and moaning]
Yahoo! Corkscrew!
It's too bad Shadow's not here. He's the king of corkscrewing.
Hey, it's his loss. That's what he gets for going all "Hollywood" on us.
Hey, there he is!
Shadow! Over here!
Oh, no!
Shadow's headed straight for that dangerously placed fireworks stand!
[screeching]
Shadow!
Cut!
What is going on here?
The ugly mutant snails aren't supposed to show up until the third act.
We saw our friend White Shadow crash into that fireworks stand!
Who is this... White Shadow?
[together] Aiden Hardshell!
That's right. This is the set of my new movie.
Tooken 7: The Retookening.
Rated PG-13 for mild violence and adult situations.
Oh! Sounds good!
Sorry for crashing your set,
but you have an uncanny resemblance to our friend.
Ah.
Perhaps that explains the strange photo that was sent to my agent.
"We gots your movie star friend in an undisclosed location."
Oh, no! He could be anywhere!
"Bring a big pile of moolah to us at the rusty toolbox
on the corner of Seward and Lexington."
Well, there you go.
All right, let's run that scene again.
I don't do retakes.
All right, snails, our friend is in there and needs our help.
[grunting]
[screaming]
I can't take it anymore! This guy is the worst!
He's worse than the worst!
Nothing's worse than the worst! That's why it's the worst!
[clattering]
[bellowing and moaning]
Wait a minute. They let you guys in here?
I thought this spa was just for celebrities.
Wait, you were under the impression this was an exclusive day spa?
How could you possibly...
Oh, whatever. Let's just go home.
I'm sorry, guys, but I won't be going home.
I've been given a gift, a gift of peach fuzz hair
that makes me look like a celebrity so people give me free stuff.
And I'm gonna use that gift. Goodbye forever.
Just need to give my hair a quick coiffing.
Well, so much for that. What's for lunch?
There's nothing good around here.
They have free lunch in Glendale.
Just throwing this out there... pizza buffet.
Now, I'm thinking classic mini dills are the obvious choice
for the clubhouse snack bar, but I'm open to other pickle options.
How about those pickled peppers? I like 'em spicy!
Oh! Pickles de gallo!
So, we'll just go with the classic dills, then.
I'm glad we could all agree.
[whimpers]
Oh, hey, little amigos! I got something to show you!
Ta-da!
[fanfare playing]
A foosball table! The customers are gonna love it!
Plus I got it real cheap 'cause one of the little player dudes is missing.
[voice echoing] Missing, missing, missing.
Wanna help me break it in?
I'll move these guys out of the way so you can play soccer-style!
Yes! It's on now!
We're the Fast Action Soccer Team!
But, guys, what about the pickles?
Does that not bother anyone else?
Not really.
It's a beautiful game and I play it beautifully, baby!
It's like it's mocking me!
Skid! Pass the ball! Pass the ball! Skid!
It's throwing off the entire balance of the table!
[screams]
I guess he couldn't handle these foos skills.
White Shadow!
Nothing gets past me!
Ooh!
Ah! Internet! You have failed me!
[screams]
[bell dinging]
Time out!
Sorry, amigos, but breakfast tacos wait for no one!
Who knew soccer was so much fun?
Yeah, finally a sport that doesn't require hands!
Or poop!
[coughs] Ew!
[sniffs]
[sighs]
Ugh! Why'd you have to remind me about the Dungball Derby?
I can still taste the way it smelled!
[sniffs, smacks lips]
Earthy, with a slight tang of...
Bringing the conversation back to soccer, I can't wait to play again!
[British accent] Right fit pitch you lot got here.
And who might you lot be?
Where are my manners?
Name's Liam. These are my teammates.
Ollie...
Wills...
Bald Tony...
and that's Jo.
She's a biter, mind.
We're the Manchester Rowdy Rioters.
Cool! You guys came all the way from England?
No. We came from Manchester Avenue, 'round near the airport.
Then why do you have accents?
Well, our parents were from England, weren't they?
Jeez! Leave it off!
That's a great story. You looking for a game or what?
[laughing]
Game? No, mate. We're here for the whole table.
Don't you sort of need two teams to play soccer?
And there are only two teams here.
So why don't we, you know, the two teams, just share the table?
[buzzing]
[indistinct muttering]
- This is our table! - No, this is our table!
This is gonna be a whole turf war thing now, isn't it?
[grunting]
They all said this day would never come, but here it is!
I'll finally get to use my "Spontaneous Sports Related Turf War" emergency plan!
It's far more statistically common than you'd think, but no one ever plans for it.
Looks like I showed them!
[whistle trills]
The winner of the final round will stake their claim on the table
and everyone else will go home a loser.
I hope you're ready to lose, because we're gonna beat you up!
Yeah? Well, we're gonna beat you down!
All the way down to downtown!
Which could take a long time if you get caught in traffic.
And sometimes the surface streets are a mess.
But then there's no parking downtown,
which, I guess, isn't a problem 'cause we're snails.
You lost me somewhere around "downtown."
But I'm gonna find you on the pitch and tear you apart!
Ooh!
'Fraid not, ole chap.
[clears throat]
You're in separate divisions.
- What's that mean? - It means...
you won't be playing each other unless
you both make it to the final round.
Now our first match is the F.A.S.T. Crew against...
The Spanish Snakes!
Love to see a fellow competitor with no arms!
[hisses]
While I like where your heart's at, maybe we don't anger the snakes.
Yeah. Good idea.
Nothing gets past me.
Welcome to Dos Bros Field for what I am told is a game of "futball"!
Yes! Good old American football, a game I know well.
Hut-hut-hike! This shouldn't be confusing at all!
[whistle trills]
[clattering]
I'll find my own replacement player. Who needs the Internet?
Oh, what do we have here?
Eh! Too wide.
Too narrow!
You might work.
Too tall!
[shouts] No!
You wouldn't mind losing, like, half your legs, would you?
No, no. You're right. You're right. That's too far.
Or is it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely too far.
Why are you avoiding eye contact? You know something, don't you?
[whistle trills]
[shouts] Touchdow...
[continues shouting]
[grunts]
[whistle trills]
Touchdow... What do you mean that's not what it's called?
I'm the announcer, Charlie. I think I know what I'm talking about!
Access denied!
Uh-huh!
Oh, yeah! That's right!
[screaming]
[groaning]
[laughs]
[whimpers]
[clunking]
[laughs]
[bell dinging]
Where is the missing player? Tell me or I'll take the other arm!
What my partner means is,
tell us where he is and we'll see about a plea bargain.
Where is he? On holiday? Prison? The bottom of the ocean?
The ocean! Of course!
Sorry about that. He's under a lot of stress.
It's down to our final game. The F.A.S.T. Crew versus The Rowdy Rioters.
Who could have seen this match-up coming? Anyone paying attention!
[pop music playing]
Girl, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.
[audience gasps]
I think I wrecked myself.
Hey! No fair!
Ref, do something!
Blocked!
Hey!
Goal defended!
Will you stop it? It's no fun when I don't win!
Then this game's about to get a lot worse for you.
I'll keep 'em off you, Turbo! Take the shot!
[snarls]
Oh! A classic elbow tackle.
Looks like it'll be third-and-long for the F.A.S.T. Crew.
Guess it's all up to me.
[tires screeching]
[laughs evilly]
[thumping]
[shouting]
Did we win?
Told you we'd tear you apart.
All right, boys. Just need one goal. Let's wrap this up, shall we?
Nothing gets pa...
[grunts]
[whistle trills]
[cheering]
[groans] Whoa.
And the quarterback is sacked for a safety! F.A.S.T. Crew wins!
Okay, guys.
My girlfriend here has all the right measurements
to be our replacement player!
I'm back in the game!
The game's over, Skid.
You just won us the tournament! The table is ours!
[cheering]
Sorry, little amigos, I gotta get rid of the table.
Something about all these bugs near the food being
a "health hazard" or something.
[sighs] I guess we just can't have nice things.
Oh, no! My girlfriend!
I'm coming for you, Minnie Diver!
That boy just ain't right.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~