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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Ah, the Aiwa Double Tape Deck.
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The Waldorf and Statler
of every thrift store.
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The selection here stinks.
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Yeah, and so do the customers.
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Jim Henson died of treatable pneumonia.
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Hey, Brian, remember Sisterhood
of the Traveling Pants?
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They have the magic girl-power jeans.
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Holy crap, what happened?
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I don't know. I-I think
I turned into America Ferrera.
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I don't want this. Help! Someone, help!
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Looking passable, Stewie.
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Looking damn passable.
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Aw, crap, people we know.
You know the drill.
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We're donating, not buying.
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Just doing our part to give back
to the community.
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I'm gonna go wait in the alley.
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Could you just ball them up
and throw them out the window?
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Putting on strangers' hats
is always a good idea.
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- Thank you for your service.
- Huh?
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My father's a veteran, too.
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Thank you for protecting us
and for posting revenge porn
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on Marine Corps message boards.
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Oh, actually, I'm not...
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I'm gonna start a trend
of interrupting your sentences.
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Well, no, it's just a hat. I didn't...
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Thank you for your service.
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Bless you and all of our veterans.
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No, guys, I-I'm not really a vet...
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I don't have time to hear
the rest of your sentence,
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but thank you for being a veteran
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because you're definitely a veteran.
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And I'm Cris Collinsworth
from NBC Sunday Night Football.
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On behalf of all TV football dummies,
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thank you for your service.
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You're-you're welcome.
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Wow. Feels real good to be a veteran,
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even better than buying
a bottle of Newman's Own.
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This makes me a good person.
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Hey, someone just bought a
bottle of bland salad dressing.
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Now we can use all proceeds
to do jihad stuff.
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Hey, Peter, what's with the hat?
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- I'm pretending to be a veteran.
- What?
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Yeah, it's awesome.
Vets get all the sweet deals.
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I mean, you never see a homeless vet.
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And people have been really nice.
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Everywhere I go, they open doors for me.
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Welcome, sir.
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Thank you.
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Hey, so when really fat people come,
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make sure we're opening both doors.
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Guys, you could be veterans, too.
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Look what happens
when I put on sunglasses.
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♪ Highway to the danger zone... ♪
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- Wow!
- I want to try.
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♪ Highway to the danger zone. ♪
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It's loud being a veteran!
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The hell is wrong with you guys?!
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Do I need to remind you
I actually am a veteran?
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And I'm sickened by the thought
of trolling for free handouts
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on account of being a vet,
much less pretending to be one.
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Quagmire, what if
I told you your glasses
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do "Playing With The Boys"?
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The volleyball scene?
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Go ahead, give it a whirl.
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♪ I'm playing... ♪
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Whoa! It's like I'm high-fiving
with Anthony Edwards.
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And it's not like I'd be lying.
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There we go. Hey, another round
for me and my veteran buddies.
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Dad, Family Guy used two of your songs.
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Well, that's great,
but I'm not your dad.
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I'm Kenny Loggins and you're a
groupie I brought here for sex.
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Dad, Family Guy just...
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See, now, that's my daughter.
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You guys got your video cameras ready?
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Yeah. What's going on?
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Well, as a veteran, I get
to star in a viral YouTube video
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of me reuniting with my beloved pet.
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So here goes.
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My pet is Christian the lion.
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I'm doing two Internet things at once.
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This is my heterosexual roommate, Ace,
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with whom I shared the lion
two decades ago.
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- You look great, Peter.
- I have a family now!
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You know, guys, if being
a veteran is about anything,
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it's about getting half-hearted applause
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on a Southwest Airlines flight.
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Veterans.
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Yay, veterans.
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Holy crap, you're Eric Dane
from Marley and Me,
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and other stuff!
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I'm afraid you got to give us
your front-of-the-plane seats
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'cause that's what celebrities
do for veterans.
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Well, clear out, kids.
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It's just part of the Hollywood deal.
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Thank you. Thanks.
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Thank you so much. This is why I served.
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"USS Nathan James"?
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Yes, sir. Boats, military, sir.
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The Nathan James is the fictitious ship
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on TNT's The Last Ship, starring
Adam Baldwin and Jocko Sims.
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- And Eric Dane.
- Uh-oh.
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You guys aren't veterans at all.
You're frauds.
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Okay, we ain't real vets.
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Quagmire served in the Navy.
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The rest of us are charlatans.
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- Boo!
- You're terrible!
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I fly Southwest to have a classy
experience and you've ruined it.
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Excuse me, gentlemen.
You're under arrest.
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What?! Why?!
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You three are in violation
of the Stolen Valor Act,
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which makes it a crime
to pretend to be a veteran.
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Oh, so suddenly it's a crime
to break the law?
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Mr. Quagmire, you're free to go,
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but the rest of you
will have to come with me.
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I thought we had it bad,
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being gay overhead bins.
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What makes us gay?
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We've got bags in our mouths.
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Hey, quick, put these on.
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They're not gonna throw
a veteran in jail.
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Is this some kind of joke to you?
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No, it was a sincere idea.
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Real servicemen and women
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have made real sacrifices
for this country.
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And you. You're an actual
veteran; you should know better.
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I'm sorry.
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You made a mockery
of our whole family, Glenn.
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Now, everywhere I go,
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it's like people are staring
at me and whispering.
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Court is now in session.
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Judge Dignified Q. Blackman presiding.
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You men are accused of violating
the Stolen Valor Act,
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and that's years of jail time.
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We forgot to get a lawyer.
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But in view of your long service
to comedy,
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I'm willing to offer a deal.
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What kind of deal?
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I'll waive the charges,
but only on the condition
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that you men enlist
in the military for real.
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You three have to join the Marines.
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Oh, my God. We could be killed!
Please, no!
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All right, how about the Coast Guard?
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Yeah, that's fine.
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- Wow.
- Something happened.
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Something just happened in court.
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Glenn, if you were half the man
I used to be,
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you'd stand up and join them.
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Your Honor? I'd like to sign up, too.
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Oh, my God.
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I was checking my phone. What happened?
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Excuse me?
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That's right. I'm going with them.
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The four of us will join
the Coast Guard together.
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All right. Report to
the induction center tomorrow.
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Court is adjourned.
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Next case on the docket:
The People v. Ted 2.
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Okay, come on, let's get out
of here. Let's go. Let's go.
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Good morning, recruits.
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Welcome to the Coast Guard.
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Sir, when do we report
for basic training, sir?
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Hey, what's with the "sir" stuff?
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This is just the Coast Guard.
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Now, come on. Who here can
pantomime driving a boat?
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Hmm, we got any boat guys here?
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Whoa, look at that.
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You guys should be recruiting me.
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Now can you bounce
with the waves a little bit?
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Uh-oh! Getting kind of choppy.
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Is this guy for real? This is idiotic.
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This is nothing like what the Navy was.
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Shh, Quagmire, I got to focus
on my boat here.
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The way people's talking makes me think
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we're gonna be dealing
with a lot of water.
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You guys seem to have what it takes,
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so raise your right hand as
I recite the Coast Guard pledge.
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"When you're here, you're family."
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- Isn't that the slogan for...?
- We had it first!
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Everybody ships out tomorrow.
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You'll find your assignments
listed on this sheet.
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00:08:11,343 --> 00:08:15,913
Oh, crap. Where in Iraq
is "Fort El Ahoud Urd Ali"?
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00:08:15,914 --> 00:08:17,414
Peter, that's Fort Lauderdale.
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We're being shipped out to guard
freakin' spring break.
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- Sweet!
- All right!
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Spring break on the land, not the water!
195
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No, it's not sweet. It's a joke.
This whole thing is a joke!
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Compared to the Navy,
the Coast Guard is totally
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unprofessional and incompetent,
like that ancient Roman intern.
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This is Markus. Today's his first day.
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00:08:35,367 --> 00:08:39,937
He's going to be crucifying you now.
200
00:08:39,938 --> 00:08:43,073
He might want to use his hammer.
201
00:08:43,074 --> 00:08:45,176
Ugh, sorry. I'm so bad at this.
202
00:08:45,177 --> 00:08:47,877
Relax, you're doing fine.
203
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:53,217
Well, I'm off.
204
00:08:53,218 --> 00:08:55,186
Oh, Peter, I'm so worried.
205
00:08:55,187 --> 00:08:57,555
- Where are they stationing you?
- I can't tell you.
206
00:08:57,556 --> 00:08:59,756
That is on a knead-the-dough basis.
207
00:09:02,427 --> 00:09:03,861
- Florida?!
- Shh!
208
00:09:03,862 --> 00:09:06,197
Hey, you be safe.
209
00:09:06,198 --> 00:09:10,067
Wait, Dad, before you go,
can you teach me to shave?
210
00:09:10,068 --> 00:09:12,603
Well, for starters, bud, that's
supposed to be on your pubes.
211
00:09:12,604 --> 00:09:15,005
You got a secret inch
hiding under there.
212
00:09:15,006 --> 00:09:17,074
This is what I'm gonna be missing.
213
00:09:17,075 --> 00:09:19,610
Well, that's an unrelated car honking,
214
00:09:19,611 --> 00:09:21,311
but I'm gonna go now.
215
00:09:29,521 --> 00:09:32,189
Fort Lauderdale, Florida,
216
00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:35,793
where all the art in every
dentist's office comes from.
217
00:09:35,794 --> 00:09:37,962
All right, let's get to work.
Grab your binoculars.
218
00:09:37,963 --> 00:09:39,697
We got to practice
doing funny double-takes
219
00:09:39,698 --> 00:09:41,331
upon seeing a bikini woman.
220
00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:48,572
Sir, should I say, "Aaoogah," sir?
221
00:09:48,573 --> 00:09:51,208
Affirmative. And, Joe, I order
you to just let the binoculars
222
00:09:51,209 --> 00:09:53,677
fall right out of your hands,
but you don't even notice
223
00:09:53,678 --> 00:09:55,412
'cause of how foxy the woman is.
224
00:09:55,413 --> 00:09:56,847
All right, yeah.
225
00:09:56,848 --> 00:09:59,383
I can see that we got the right
skill set for this assignment.
226
00:09:59,384 --> 00:10:00,818
Okay, guys, knock it off.
227
00:10:00,819 --> 00:10:03,821
But, Quagmire, there's
spring break boobs everywhere!
228
00:10:03,822 --> 00:10:05,122
Come on, guys, I mean it.
229
00:10:05,123 --> 00:10:07,958
This is important. I want you
to start acting like it.
230
00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:09,793
- Wow, he's serious.
- He's very serious.
231
00:10:09,794 --> 00:10:11,594
We're in the motel now.
232
00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:18,569
Guys, we have to complete
a 160-point inspection
233
00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:20,037
of this coastal patrol cutter.
234
00:10:20,038 --> 00:10:21,205
I'll call them out.
235
00:10:21,206 --> 00:10:24,308
Item one: Hydraulic grapple-winch.
236
00:10:24,309 --> 00:10:25,676
Guys?
237
00:10:25,677 --> 00:10:28,244
We're over here,
painting clever names on boats.
238
00:10:37,989 --> 00:10:41,058
No, Peter, it's supposed
to be short and poppy.
239
00:10:41,059 --> 00:10:43,059
Oh, okay.
240
00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:53,170
Okay, guys, while I scan
for disabled watercraft,
241
00:10:53,171 --> 00:10:56,073
I need a status report
on that hydraulic grapple-winch.
242
00:10:56,074 --> 00:10:57,441
Guys?
243
00:10:57,442 --> 00:10:59,610
We're busy;
we're hanging out with Aquaman.
244
00:10:59,611 --> 00:11:01,378
I told you, I'm not Aquaman.
245
00:11:01,379 --> 00:11:02,913
I am the Sub-Mariner.
246
00:11:02,914 --> 00:11:05,049
- What's your deal?
- I'm just like Aquaman,
247
00:11:05,050 --> 00:11:06,917
but I can't get fish to do things.
248
00:11:06,918 --> 00:11:08,218
That's the big thing.
249
00:11:08,219 --> 00:11:10,187
I mean, isn't that all Aquaman does?
250
00:11:10,188 --> 00:11:12,122
No, he can also breathe underwater,
251
00:11:12,123 --> 00:11:13,824
and he's strong, like me.
252
00:11:13,825 --> 00:11:15,693
Isn't everyone strong underwater?
253
00:11:15,694 --> 00:11:17,528
No, no. Not like me.
254
00:11:17,529 --> 00:11:20,731
I can punch a big octopus
a really long way.
255
00:11:20,732 --> 00:11:21,899
Hey, guys.
256
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,567
- Hey, Aquaman!
- Yeah!
257
00:11:23,568 --> 00:11:25,469
Hey, make a fish do something.
258
00:11:25,470 --> 00:11:27,371
Aw, shucks, guys, I don't know.
259
00:11:27,372 --> 00:11:30,039
I guess I could do
something like... this.
260
00:11:35,246 --> 00:11:37,514
Wow, a real superhero.
261
00:11:37,515 --> 00:11:40,351
I-I have little wings on my feet!
262
00:11:40,352 --> 00:11:42,686
No, just-just, shh, shh.
Ju... it's over.
263
00:11:42,687 --> 00:11:44,153
It's over.
264
00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:50,694
Hey, can you guys
keep it down for a bit?
265
00:11:50,695 --> 00:11:52,730
I got to have a FaceTime
conversation with my wife
266
00:11:52,731 --> 00:11:54,798
where we talk at the same time,
and then stop,
267
00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:56,299
and then start again, then laugh.
268
00:11:59,471 --> 00:12:00,637
- Hi, hon...
- Hi, hon...
269
00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:01,972
- No, no, you go...
- You go ahead.
270
00:12:01,973 --> 00:12:03,440
- No, I...
- Go ahead.
271
00:12:03,441 --> 00:12:04,874
- Y-You first.
- You first.
272
00:12:06,845 --> 00:12:08,545
- Hi, Pop.
- Oh, God, Stewie.
273
00:12:08,546 --> 00:12:09,880
You've gotten so big.
274
00:12:09,881 --> 00:12:11,515
No, I'm just in the foreground.
275
00:12:11,516 --> 00:12:13,217
You're as tall as your mother now.
276
00:12:13,218 --> 00:12:15,185
He... he doesn't understand perspective.
277
00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:17,020
All right, let me say good-bye to Mommy.
278
00:12:17,021 --> 00:12:19,056
- Well, you take ca...
- Good-bye, hon...
279
00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:20,157
- You go...
- Oh, what?
280
00:12:20,158 --> 00:12:21,458
- You go...
- No, I was just gonna say...
281
00:12:22,961 --> 00:12:24,695
Everything stinks.
282
00:12:24,696 --> 00:12:27,231
- Hey, Quagmire, where you going?
- I'm going home.
283
00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:28,832
- What? Why?
- 'Cause I'm sick of this.
284
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,567
I'm the only one
taking the job seriously.
285
00:12:30,568 --> 00:12:32,669
Hell, you guys still don't
even know how to operate
286
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:34,538
a simple hydraulic grapple-winch.
287
00:12:34,539 --> 00:12:36,273
Okay, that's the third time
you've mentioned
288
00:12:36,274 --> 00:12:37,741
the hydraulic grapple-winch.
289
00:12:37,742 --> 00:12:39,510
Is that gonna be important for later?
290
00:12:39,511 --> 00:12:41,578
I feel like maybe it is.
291
00:12:41,579 --> 00:12:43,080
Quagmire, you can't just go home.
292
00:12:43,081 --> 00:12:44,381
We're stationed here.
293
00:12:44,382 --> 00:12:46,083
I wasn't sentenced, but I came anyway
294
00:12:46,084 --> 00:12:48,385
because I thought I could try
and teach my friends
295
00:12:48,386 --> 00:12:50,854
what it means to serve
their country, the way I did.
296
00:12:50,855 --> 00:12:54,124
But you're hopeless, so I'm done.
297
00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:55,926
And I'm still the voice
298
00:12:55,927 --> 00:12:58,461
of Cris Collinsworth, and I'm done, too.
299
00:12:59,864 --> 00:13:01,799
Uhp, closet.
300
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,700
Now I got it.
301
00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:05,135
Aw.
302
00:13:05,136 --> 00:13:08,038
I disappointed the stupidest guy
in football.
303
00:13:08,039 --> 00:13:10,941
- I got to go take a sad pee.
- Me, too.
304
00:13:10,942 --> 00:13:13,677
We should probably all go
urinate together, outdoors,
305
00:13:13,678 --> 00:13:17,080
as a group of guys, while
wearing backwards baseball caps,
306
00:13:17,081 --> 00:13:20,216
per Fort Lauderdale municipal law.
307
00:13:21,753 --> 00:13:23,754
The Florida ways are the best ways.
308
00:13:23,755 --> 00:13:25,489
Are we ready to attack?
309
00:13:25,490 --> 00:13:28,659
We are! And many people will die.
310
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:29,960
What the hell's that?
311
00:13:34,599 --> 00:13:36,200
Are we ready to attack?
312
00:13:36,201 --> 00:13:39,603
We are! And many people will die.
313
00:13:39,604 --> 00:13:41,605
- Oh, my God.
- Those evil frat boys
314
00:13:41,606 --> 00:13:43,707
are planning to kill spring break.
315
00:13:43,708 --> 00:13:46,610
And they only had time to record
two lines of dialogue.
316
00:13:46,611 --> 00:13:48,178
Are we ready to attack?
317
00:13:48,179 --> 00:13:51,414
We are! And many people will die.
318
00:13:55,353 --> 00:13:57,454
- We got to stop them.
- All right, let's just find
319
00:13:57,455 --> 00:13:59,490
a quiet place to come up with a plan.
320
00:13:59,491 --> 00:14:01,124
All right, here's what we do!
321
00:14:01,125 --> 00:14:03,460
We track down...
322
00:14:03,461 --> 00:14:05,796
we saw talking and...
323
00:14:05,797 --> 00:14:08,298
Joe, you get us some...
324
00:14:08,299 --> 00:14:10,767
And, Cleveland, I want you to get...
325
00:14:10,768 --> 00:14:13,337
buildings in the city.
326
00:14:13,338 --> 00:14:16,440
I'm still very unclear about the plan!
327
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:18,442
Three more banana daiquiris.
328
00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:20,710
We track down the...
329
00:14:26,084 --> 00:14:28,152
Did you see all
of those guns and weapons
330
00:14:28,153 --> 00:14:29,754
those evil frat boys had?
331
00:14:29,755 --> 00:14:31,222
I sure did.
332
00:14:31,223 --> 00:14:33,991
And we still haven't nailed down
a date for visiting Epcot.
333
00:14:33,992 --> 00:14:35,193
But what can we do?
334
00:14:35,194 --> 00:14:37,929
Quagmire was the only
real soldier among us.
335
00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:39,564
You're right. Compared to him,
336
00:14:39,565 --> 00:14:42,966
we're about as useless as one of
those automatic bathroom sinks.
337
00:14:46,905 --> 00:14:48,905
Uhp. Uhp.
338
00:14:51,310 --> 00:14:52,976
Uhp.
339
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:57,815
Uhp.
340
00:14:57,816 --> 00:14:59,383
Uhp. Uhp.
341
00:14:59,384 --> 00:15:00,785
Uhp. Uhp. Uhp.
342
00:15:00,786 --> 00:15:01,852
Uhp.
343
00:15:01,853 --> 00:15:03,321
Uhp. Uhp.
344
00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:05,923
What the hell are you doing?
This is a women's bathroom.
345
00:15:05,924 --> 00:15:07,525
Uhp.
346
00:15:07,526 --> 00:15:10,461
Come on, guys, we don't need
Quagmire to do the right thing.
347
00:15:10,462 --> 00:15:11,696
I love that movie.
348
00:15:11,697 --> 00:15:13,698
If there's gonna be an attack
at spring break,
349
00:15:13,699 --> 00:15:18,135
we can't just stand by while
people get hurt, or even killed.
350
00:15:18,136 --> 00:15:20,905
Joe's right. It's up to us to stop it.
351
00:15:20,906 --> 00:15:22,740
Because we're in the Coast Guard,
352
00:15:22,741 --> 00:15:25,508
and when you're here, you're family.
353
00:15:40,592 --> 00:15:41,759
- Great!
- Yeah!
354
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,829
- Ooh!
- Yeah, yeah.
355
00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:47,430
That food was all very salty.
356
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:53,237
There's so many people.
357
00:15:53,238 --> 00:15:55,839
We got to find those frat boys.
Look for anything suspicious.
358
00:15:56,975 --> 00:15:59,510
The Coors party ball is a dirty bomb!
359
00:15:59,511 --> 00:16:02,546
No, Peter, it's not; it's just
the coolest, freshest way
360
00:16:02,547 --> 00:16:04,915
to keep your party rolling
is what it is.
361
00:16:04,916 --> 00:16:06,183
This is hopeless!
362
00:16:06,184 --> 00:16:08,319
There's no way
to guess what their target is.
363
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,954
Final boarding call
364
00:16:09,955 --> 00:16:11,789
for the "Are We Ready To Attack, We Are,
365
00:16:11,790 --> 00:16:13,924
And Many People Will Die" booze cruise.
366
00:16:13,925 --> 00:16:16,360
Okay, I got a feeling about that one.
367
00:16:16,361 --> 00:16:18,095
- Let's go!
- No, guys.
368
00:16:18,096 --> 00:16:19,697
We'll never make it on foot.
369
00:16:19,698 --> 00:16:21,699
We got to steal that kid's Jet Ski.
370
00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:24,302
Peter, the boat's right there.
We'll totally make it.
371
00:16:24,303 --> 00:16:25,802
It's the only way, guys!
372
00:16:27,439 --> 00:16:29,774
Peter, we're now literally
standing on the boat.
373
00:16:29,775 --> 00:16:31,608
That's how close the boat is.
374
00:16:32,678 --> 00:16:34,245
Made it!
375
00:16:34,246 --> 00:16:36,946
- You wanted to ride the Jet Ski.
- I wanted to ride the Jet Ski.
376
00:16:40,986 --> 00:16:43,654
How much you reckon
a boat like this cost?
377
00:16:43,655 --> 00:16:46,857
All right, everybody, freeze!
This is the U.S. Coast Guard.
378
00:16:46,858 --> 00:16:49,125
And when you're here, you're family.
379
00:17:03,008 --> 00:17:06,109
Anyway, U.S. Coast Guard.
You kids are...
380
00:17:07,679 --> 00:17:10,147
What are we gonna do?
We're way outgunned.
381
00:17:10,148 --> 00:17:11,582
Are any of you familiar
382
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:14,318
with what's referred to
as a "Leeroy Jenkins"?
383
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:15,953
Well, I don't know what that is,
384
00:17:15,954 --> 00:17:18,255
but let's make a very long,
elaborate plan.
385
00:17:18,256 --> 00:17:20,991
All right, so I'll run in first
and use an intimidating shout.
386
00:17:20,992 --> 00:17:22,193
When my shout's done,
387
00:17:22,194 --> 00:17:24,328
I'll need Joe to come in
and use his shout, too.
388
00:17:24,329 --> 00:17:25,496
What do you think, Joe?
389
00:17:25,497 --> 00:17:26,997
Can you give me
a number crunch real quick?
390
00:17:26,998 --> 00:17:28,933
Yeah, give me a sec.
I'm coming up with, uh,
391
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:31,669
32.33, repeating, of course.
392
00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:33,571
Okay, that's a lot better
than we usually do.
393
00:17:33,572 --> 00:17:36,941
- So let's...
- Leeroy Jenkins!
394
00:17:36,942 --> 00:17:39,610
Oh, my God, he just ran in.
Let's go! Stick to the plan!
395
00:17:39,611 --> 00:17:41,045
Let's go, let's go!
396
00:17:41,046 --> 00:17:43,514
Aw, man.
397
00:17:43,515 --> 00:17:44,682
Aw, we're dying.
398
00:17:44,683 --> 00:17:46,517
Damn it, Cleveland.
399
00:17:46,518 --> 00:17:47,952
Where'd they get dragons?
400
00:17:47,953 --> 00:17:50,488
These guys have magic, guys.
401
00:17:50,489 --> 00:17:51,889
I can't move.
402
00:17:51,890 --> 00:17:54,291
Oh, God!
403
00:17:54,292 --> 00:17:56,460
You know, Cleveland, you're an idiot.
404
00:17:56,461 --> 00:18:00,163
This episode has
a lot of Internet things.
405
00:18:03,135 --> 00:18:05,136
Ah, crap, we're gonna die.
406
00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:06,437
Freeze!
407
00:18:08,073 --> 00:18:09,907
Quagmire, you came back!
408
00:18:09,908 --> 00:18:12,309
That's right. Because I'm in
the U.S. Coast Guard.
409
00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:14,377
- And when you're here...
- Oh, no, don't say it!
410
00:18:20,952 --> 00:18:23,287
Ah, I'm glad you came back, buddy.
411
00:18:23,288 --> 00:18:24,655
You really saved the day.
412
00:18:24,656 --> 00:18:26,457
Hey, where'd you get the machine gun?
413
00:18:26,458 --> 00:18:28,259
From the coastal patrol cutter.
414
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:32,163
"Machine gun" is item 49
of the 160-point inspection.
415
00:18:32,164 --> 00:18:35,466
Oh, that was when I was writing
homosexual stuff on the boat.
416
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:37,835
- Too bad about the bomb.
- Bomb?
417
00:18:37,836 --> 00:18:39,570
Yep. Right here on the boat.
418
00:18:39,571 --> 00:18:42,573
Soon you will all do
the foamy dance of death.
419
00:18:42,574 --> 00:18:46,110
We are! And many people will die.
420
00:18:46,111 --> 00:18:48,144
He just says that one thing.
421
00:18:53,351 --> 00:18:56,186
The bomb is hidden in the foam.
422
00:19:01,026 --> 00:19:02,026
Where is it?
423
00:19:02,027 --> 00:19:03,627
- Have you found it?
- No.
424
00:19:03,628 --> 00:19:06,330
I was thinking next Thursday
for Epcot, but no bomb.
425
00:19:06,331 --> 00:19:08,866
You're wasting your time;
the bomb will activate
426
00:19:08,867 --> 00:19:10,668
the moment the floor stops vibrating.
427
00:19:10,669 --> 00:19:13,037
Did you hear that? Twerk!
428
00:19:13,038 --> 00:19:14,772
Twerk like you're Miley Cyrus
429
00:19:14,773 --> 00:19:16,773
trying to prove something to your dad!
430
00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:26,250
Found it!
431
00:19:30,121 --> 00:19:31,956
We're all gonna die!
432
00:19:31,957 --> 00:19:35,658
Oh, no, we're not.
I stole a Jet Ski from a kid.
433
00:19:44,336 --> 00:19:46,269
Ha, ha!
434
00:19:48,707 --> 00:19:50,273
Oh, I forgot they do that.
435
00:19:53,311 --> 00:19:55,346
Hydraulic grapple-winch!
436
00:19:55,347 --> 00:19:57,814
- Oh, yeah!
- From earlier!
437
00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:14,665
- We did it! It's over.
- 'Cause of you.
438
00:20:14,666 --> 00:20:16,667
Thanks for saving us, Quagmire.
439
00:20:16,668 --> 00:20:19,537
Eh, I was just doing my duty.
Just like you did.
440
00:20:19,538 --> 00:20:21,272
Good job, soldier.
441
00:20:21,273 --> 00:20:24,575
Anyway, what matters is everyone's okay,
442
00:20:24,576 --> 00:20:26,243
thanks to the Coast Guard.
443
00:20:26,244 --> 00:20:28,244
Because when you're here...
444
00:20:29,581 --> 00:20:32,348
I'm not going back to that restaurant.
445
00:20:38,964 --> 00:20:41,030
I'm so happy you're back home
where you belong Peter.
446
00:20:41,291 --> 00:20:43,346
It's just not the same here without you.
447
00:20:43,347 --> 00:20:46,393
Thanks Lois.
And I thought about you not at all.
448
00:20:46,394 --> 00:20:49,567
Well, I'm so proud of
my Coast Guard husband.
449
00:20:49,568 --> 00:20:52,278
And I'm proud of my Coast Guard dad.
450
00:20:52,279 --> 00:20:55,614
And I'm bi-sexual,
like all members of the Coast Guard.
451
00:20:55,615 --> 00:20:58,645
Goodnight Coast Guard,
hope you enjoyed the episode.
452
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:04,720
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -