1
00:00:03,312 --> 00:00:04,345
Not again.
2
00:00:04,413 --> 00:00:06,113
I just came from an intervention.
3
00:00:06,182 --> 00:00:07,981
Oh, no, no, Nicole,
this is a staff meeting.
4
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:09,083
You asked us to be here.
5
00:00:09,151 --> 00:00:10,818
Oh.
6
00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:13,220
Here you go, Kato.
7
00:00:13,289 --> 00:00:15,556
Yes, I wanted to talk to you all
8
00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:17,825
about something very important.
9
00:00:18,362 --> 00:00:20,362
So, what plant has been revered
10
00:00:20,431 --> 00:00:23,165
for its healing properties
for millions of years?
11
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:24,333
Aloe.
12
00:00:24,402 --> 00:00:27,236
'Ello to you, too,
but let's stay focused.
13
00:00:28,906 --> 00:00:31,006
- Peppers.
- Peppers.
14
00:00:31,075 --> 00:00:32,208
Weird, we are so in synch these days.
15
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I want to be in the pepper
business, people.
16
00:00:34,312 --> 00:00:35,811
And I need ideas now.
17
00:00:38,850 --> 00:00:41,613
I haven't come up with
a single product idea in weeks,
18
00:00:41,648 --> 00:00:43,670
so I'm on thin ice at NERP.
19
00:00:43,705 --> 00:00:45,688
And I don't mean
the low-calorie ice cubes
20
00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,089
we sell on our website.
21
00:00:47,458 --> 00:00:49,291
Well, my... my step-grandmother,
22
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,927
she is from Colombia,
and she sells a salsa
23
00:00:51,996 --> 00:00:54,696
that is supposedly made
with these magical peppers.
24
00:00:54,765 --> 00:00:57,199
Peppers? I was just talking about them.
25
00:00:57,268 --> 00:00:58,467
Yeah.
26
00:00:58,536 --> 00:00:59,668
When can I meet her?
27
00:00:59,737 --> 00:01:02,788
Sell my sauce business to NERP?
28
00:01:02,823 --> 00:01:04,183
I think you could get
a lot for it.
29
00:01:04,241 --> 00:01:05,361
When Nicole wants something,
30
00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:06,542
she just throws money at it.
31
00:01:06,610 --> 00:01:08,143
She bought her
next-door neighbor's house
32
00:01:08,212 --> 00:01:09,344
because she liked the mailbox.
33
00:01:09,413 --> 00:01:10,546
I don't know.
34
00:01:10,614 --> 00:01:12,648
I do. Dump it.
35
00:01:12,716 --> 00:01:15,050
That thing is worth less
than a bachelor's degree.
36
00:01:15,119 --> 00:01:17,886
Please, Gloria. I really need this.
37
00:01:17,955 --> 00:01:19,855
No one takes me seriously
at that office.
38
00:01:19,924 --> 00:01:21,423
I don't even have my own cubicle.
39
00:01:21,492 --> 00:01:24,359
I share one, giant bean bag chair
with the interns.
40
00:01:24,428 --> 00:01:25,761
I want to help you,
41
00:01:25,829 --> 00:01:28,097
but... something feels wrong.
42
00:01:28,099 --> 00:01:30,365
Just go to the meeting
and hear what the offer is.
43
00:01:31,402 --> 00:01:33,535
Okay, fine. I will go. I will listen.
44
00:01:33,604 --> 00:01:35,137
But I am not selling.
45
00:01:37,341 --> 00:01:39,074
- What do you think?
- It's gonna be tough.
46
00:01:39,143 --> 00:01:42,277
She's got a lot of practice
not selling that sauce.
47
00:01:48,352 --> 00:01:53,352
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:57,361 --> 00:01:59,628
Whoa, what's up
with the blazer and the t-shirt?
49
00:01:59,697 --> 00:02:01,497
Thought you were going
to a college interview,
50
00:02:01,532 --> 00:02:03,465
not doing stand up in 1988.
51
00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:05,701
I'm starting to think
maybe college isn't for me.
52
00:02:05,769 --> 00:02:07,836
There's this guy at the club
who said I could be a model.
53
00:02:07,905 --> 00:02:09,771
He said he's gonna take me
out to the desert this week
54
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,008
- and take some pictures.
- I'd put a pin in that.
55
00:02:13,077 --> 00:02:14,743
Of course you're going to college.
What are you talking about?
56
00:02:14,812 --> 00:02:15,978
I don't know.
57
00:02:16,046 --> 00:02:17,779
I wasn't very good at school
the first time around.
58
00:02:17,848 --> 00:02:19,014
Maybe I'm just...
59
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:21,483
Hey! Don't you dare
call yourself "an idiot".
60
00:02:21,552 --> 00:02:23,218
I wasn't going to.
61
00:02:23,287 --> 00:02:26,088
I was gonna say, "Maybe I'm not ready."
62
00:02:26,156 --> 00:02:27,456
Honey, it's just nerves.
63
00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:29,258
Change is scary, but in the end,
64
00:02:29,326 --> 00:02:30,892
I promise, it is all worth it.
65
00:02:30,961 --> 00:02:32,094
Your mother's right.
66
00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:34,463
You dig deep,
you make your best effort,
67
00:02:34,531 --> 00:02:36,298
- that's where you find the glory.
- Exactly.
68
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:38,734
Like that time I beat her in that race.
69
00:02:38,802 --> 00:02:41,603
Maybe 10 years ago,
Phil challenged me to a race.
70
00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:43,739
I don't believe it!
71
00:02:43,807 --> 00:02:45,340
Daddy wins!
72
00:02:45,409 --> 00:02:47,309
Do you believe in miracles?
73
00:02:47,378 --> 00:02:48,443
U.S.A.!
74
00:02:48,512 --> 00:02:51,079
He was feeling adrift
because the kids were back at school,
75
00:02:51,148 --> 00:02:52,514
so I let him beat me.
76
00:02:53,684 --> 00:02:55,550
He has not shut up about it since.
77
00:02:55,619 --> 00:02:56,718
- Oh!
- Oh!
78
00:02:56,787 --> 00:02:59,788
Oh, my God, Usain Bolt wins again!
79
00:02:59,857 --> 00:03:01,757
Can you even imagine
what that feels like?
80
00:03:01,825 --> 00:03:03,058
Oh, I don't have to, sweetheart.
81
00:03:03,127 --> 00:03:04,393
I lived it.
82
00:03:05,696 --> 00:03:08,096
All appeared lost,
but I turned on the afterburners...
83
00:03:08,165 --> 00:03:09,464
He's heard the story, Phil.
84
00:03:09,533 --> 00:03:11,633
And I pull off
one of the greatest upsets
85
00:03:11,702 --> 00:03:14,336
in the history of
husband-and-wife competition.
86
00:03:14,405 --> 00:03:18,340
Okay, I'll go to that college interview
and hear them out.
87
00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:19,541
I'm proud of you, buddy.
88
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:22,978
I think what you and I did right there
89
00:03:23,047 --> 00:03:24,112
was called "great parenting".
90
00:03:24,181 --> 00:03:26,281
Might be time to retire that story.
91
00:03:27,418 --> 00:03:30,485
I am so sorry. That was insensitive.
92
00:03:30,554 --> 00:03:31,720
I didn't realize
how much it must bother you
93
00:03:31,789 --> 00:03:33,255
to relive that loss.
94
00:03:33,324 --> 00:03:34,489
Phil, I am just feeling...
95
00:03:34,558 --> 00:03:36,191
Hey, don't you dare call
yourself "a failure".
96
00:03:36,260 --> 00:03:38,026
I let you win.
97
00:03:38,095 --> 00:03:39,561
You what?
98
00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:42,097
Oh, I had you beat, easily.
I didn't even break a sweat.
99
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:45,233
As a matter of fact,
I almost pulled a muscle holding back.
100
00:03:45,302 --> 00:03:48,804
But, I saw how much it meant to you,
and I let you win.
101
00:03:48,872 --> 00:03:51,039
Oh, wow, yeah.
No, that makes a lot of sense. I get it.
102
00:03:51,108 --> 00:03:53,709
Like the way all the other horses
wanted Secretariat to feel good.
103
00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:55,043
Now you're Secretariat?
104
00:03:55,112 --> 00:03:56,311
I don't know.
105
00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:58,020
Was Secretariat married
to a crazy person?
106
00:03:58,048 --> 00:04:01,216
Oh, God, Phil, I 100% let you win.
107
00:04:01,285 --> 00:04:04,553
Then, you could 100% beat me again.
108
00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:06,355
Oh, I could. Same course?
109
00:04:06,423 --> 00:04:07,756
I've only gotten stronger.
110
00:04:07,825 --> 00:04:09,424
How 'bout we add a few challenges?
111
00:04:09,493 --> 00:04:11,963
- Monkey bars?
- Great! Rope climb.
112
00:04:11,998 --> 00:04:13,323
I love it. Tires.
113
00:04:13,358 --> 00:04:14,526
Why not? Noon?
114
00:04:14,561 --> 00:04:17,161
- Fine. I have a showing. I'll move it.
- Hope it's not too heavy.
115
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,870
The release form
for this ride-along is...
116
00:04:21,939 --> 00:04:23,105
is shockingly thorough.
117
00:04:23,173 --> 00:04:25,107
I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.
118
00:04:25,175 --> 00:04:26,775
I can't bury another ride-along.
119
00:04:28,094 --> 00:04:30,194
I'm kind of the precinct cut up.
120
00:04:30,262 --> 00:04:33,364
Okay. Mitchell, it'll be fine.
They do these things all the time.
121
00:04:33,433 --> 00:04:35,967
Yeah, easy for you to say.
My entire head is a gang color.
122
00:04:36,035 --> 00:04:37,041
Okay, this is so exciting.
123
00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,737
You know, in my alternate life,
I'm a... I'm a cop.
124
00:04:39,806 --> 00:04:41,305
I-I thought that your alternate life
125
00:04:41,374 --> 00:04:43,441
was you teaching at-risk youth
to street dance.
126
00:04:43,510 --> 00:04:45,276
No, I teach them
to believe in themselves
127
00:04:45,345 --> 00:04:46,644
through street dance.
128
00:04:46,713 --> 00:04:48,913
Cam's always wanted
to go on a ride-along.
129
00:04:48,982 --> 00:04:50,248
So, I called in a favor
130
00:04:50,316 --> 00:04:52,817
to my law school friend Lucy
at the DA's office.
131
00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:55,019
Weird thing, they're understaffed.
132
00:04:55,088 --> 00:04:57,688
And she offered me a job
as a prosecutor.
133
00:04:57,757 --> 00:05:00,024
I just... I can't picture
myself with a badge.
134
00:05:00,093 --> 00:05:02,626
I mean, I already hate
how thick my wallet is.
135
00:05:02,866 --> 00:05:05,166
So, when do we roll?
136
00:05:05,235 --> 00:05:06,555
- You mean leave?
- Oh, copy that.
137
00:05:06,603 --> 00:05:08,436
You know, it's hard for me
not to use the lingo.
138
00:05:08,505 --> 00:05:11,773
Bit of a lawman myself,
acting high-school vice principal.
139
00:05:11,842 --> 00:05:13,942
Anyway, they call me "Arthritis"
140
00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:15,777
because I make life hard on seniors.
141
00:05:15,846 --> 00:05:17,011
They don't.
142
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,580
But he did make a sign
for his desk, didn't ya?
143
00:05:18,648 --> 00:05:20,048
Hey, hey.
144
00:05:20,117 --> 00:05:22,083
Do you think that perhaps
you're coming on a tad strong?
145
00:05:22,152 --> 00:05:25,878
No, I think Officer Stablitzky
appreciates me knowing the language.
146
00:05:25,913 --> 00:05:26,967
It's, like, when you go to Italy,
147
00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:28,389
you use "prego" every other word.
They love it.
148
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,158
Break-in in progress.
Cooper and Olympic.
149
00:05:30,227 --> 00:05:31,960
- Wait. What was that?
- In progress?
150
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,027
Should we wait 'til they're done?
151
00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:35,763
- 12-A-3 responding.
- Copy that, 12-A-3.
152
00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:37,163
Mitchell, why don't you ride shotgun?
153
00:05:37,231 --> 00:05:38,731
Oh, no, You know,
he doesn't do that well
154
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,299
on Splash Mountain
in the front seat, so...
155
00:05:40,368 --> 00:05:42,968
- He'll be fine. Get in.
- Yes, sir. Okay.
156
00:05:43,037 --> 00:05:44,136
Okay, and then, you know, then,
157
00:05:44,205 --> 00:05:45,438
maybe I can front seat on even crimes.
158
00:05:45,506 --> 00:05:47,506
- You know, to keep it fair.
- Probably not.
159
00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:51,007
You know, Phil,
it's not too late to back out.
160
00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:52,975
I am in the best shape of my life.
161
00:05:53,043 --> 00:05:54,842
After my last physical,
162
00:05:54,911 --> 00:05:56,711
the doctor posted my stress test
on his Instagram.
163
00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:58,880
Honey, I'm on the basketball court
four days a week.
164
00:05:58,948 --> 00:06:00,782
They call me "Phil Dunk-phy".
165
00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:02,950
Well, take a good look at this face
'cause it's the last time
166
00:06:03,019 --> 00:06:04,379
you're gonna see it for a while...
167
00:06:04,421 --> 00:06:05,953
- on your mark, get set, go!
- Hey!
168
00:06:09,225 --> 00:06:10,624
I immediately pulled that muscle
169
00:06:10,693 --> 00:06:12,326
that runs from the top of your head
170
00:06:12,395 --> 00:06:13,794
down to the bottom of your feet.
171
00:06:14,382 --> 00:06:15,514
The truth is,
172
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:18,084
between work and not wanting to workout,
173
00:06:18,152 --> 00:06:19,852
I hadn't worked out that much.
174
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,921
Welcome to the jungle, Claire.
175
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:24,957
Monkey see, monkey d... Ow!
176
00:06:25,026 --> 00:06:27,693
My first thought was
that I had been shot in both shoulders.
177
00:06:28,171 --> 00:06:30,271
Here's the thing...
while Claire works out,
178
00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:32,273
I do go to the basketball court,
179
00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:35,276
but, uh, for epic robot battles.
180
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,581
Oh, Spin-a-tron cornered me again.
181
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,518
Looks like you got me dead...
Possum-punch!
182
00:06:43,586 --> 00:06:45,953
Possum-punch! Possum-punch!
183
00:06:54,676 --> 00:06:56,309
Clouds look kind of ominous, huh?
184
00:06:56,378 --> 00:06:57,811
Kind of felt a raindrop.
185
00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,579
- Maybe we should reschedule...
- Okay.
186
00:07:00,082 --> 00:07:01,381
Sorry we missed that robbery.
187
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:03,183
It would've been a fun way
to start the day.
188
00:07:03,252 --> 00:07:06,019
Yeah, hi. Have you guys considered
using the Waze app.
189
00:07:06,088 --> 00:07:07,187
I could fire it up
190
00:07:07,256 --> 00:07:08,989
and it'd be kind of, like, your Goose.
191
00:07:09,259 --> 00:07:10,592
- Whoa, did you see that?
- See what?
192
00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:11,893
I'm blocked. I can't see anything.
193
00:07:11,962 --> 00:07:13,795
That jerk just cut off that old lady.
194
00:07:13,864 --> 00:07:15,697
- Wanna mess with him?
- Mess with who?
195
00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:16,798
Is that allowed?
196
00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:18,666
What's he gonna do, call the cops?
197
00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:20,235
Can you speak up a little bit?
198
00:07:20,304 --> 00:07:22,671
- I'm losing the thread.
- That's the siren.
199
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:24,373
- Okay.
- Not yet.
200
00:07:24,441 --> 00:07:26,775
Not yet. Now!
201
00:07:26,844 --> 00:07:28,043
Oh! Oh, my God!
202
00:07:28,112 --> 00:07:30,145
He's freaked out. Oh, he's pulling over.
203
00:07:30,214 --> 00:07:32,648
- Put these on and glare at him.
- Okay, okay.
204
00:07:32,716 --> 00:07:35,517
That's right. You know you were bad.
205
00:07:35,586 --> 00:07:38,287
Sit in your shame like a dog!
206
00:07:38,355 --> 00:07:39,955
You're a natural.
207
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:41,690
Oh, my God, that was such a rush.
208
00:07:41,759 --> 00:07:44,159
I imagine that's what it feels like
to punch a guy or...
209
00:07:44,228 --> 00:07:45,861
or catch a ball while running.
210
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,563
Oh, hey, Chatty-Cathys, heads up.
211
00:07:47,631 --> 00:07:49,498
- Possible 10-99 right over here.
- What?
212
00:07:49,567 --> 00:07:52,387
Couple low lifes over there
exchanging cash-money.
213
00:07:52,422 --> 00:07:54,235
That's because it's a newsstand.
214
00:07:54,314 --> 00:07:56,247
And I'm pretty sure a 1099
is a tax form.
215
00:07:56,316 --> 00:07:58,416
Oh, yeah, well,
what isn't a form these days?
216
00:07:58,485 --> 00:07:59,884
School board's got me
buried in paperwork.
217
00:07:59,953 --> 00:08:01,519
I gotta get three John Hancocks
just to take a leak.
218
00:08:01,588 --> 00:08:02,620
We're the same, see?
219
00:08:02,689 --> 00:08:04,956
Oh, if I can interrupt
for just one second.
220
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:06,742
I've been typing
license plates numbers...
221
00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:08,477
as you said I could...
222
00:08:08,546 --> 00:08:10,313
and this guy in this dirty car here,
223
00:08:10,381 --> 00:08:12,448
he has a warrant
for unpaid child support.
224
00:08:12,517 --> 00:08:13,683
Good catch, Pritch.
225
00:08:13,751 --> 00:08:15,451
He gets a nickname now?!
226
00:08:16,554 --> 00:08:18,154
- Hmm, looking squirrely.
- Yeah.
227
00:08:19,557 --> 00:08:20,923
Yep, we got a runner!
228
00:08:20,992 --> 00:08:22,258
- Um...
- Stick by me.
229
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:23,593
Oh, my God, is this happening?
230
00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:24,727
This is happening. Okay.
231
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:26,696
Hey, guys? Guys?
232
00:08:26,764 --> 00:08:29,298
There's no handles back here!
I wanna come!
233
00:08:33,081 --> 00:08:34,747
Well, Luke, I read your essay.
234
00:08:34,816 --> 00:08:36,049
Took a lot of guts to admit
235
00:08:36,117 --> 00:08:38,451
you weren't ready for college
a year ago.
236
00:08:38,610 --> 00:08:41,178
I had a lot of growing up to do.
237
00:08:41,246 --> 00:08:43,113
So, I got a job, I paid my bills,
238
00:08:43,182 --> 00:08:45,215
and I read
the Wall Street Journal online
239
00:08:45,284 --> 00:08:47,617
until I used up my five free articles.
240
00:08:47,686 --> 00:08:49,553
Well, based on your credit score,
241
00:08:49,621 --> 00:08:52,389
we'd like to welcome you
to Sequoia Community College.
242
00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:53,990
Oh, thank you!
243
00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:55,459
And once your walk through
244
00:08:55,527 --> 00:08:57,694
one of our 15 TSA-approved
metal detectors,
245
00:08:57,763 --> 00:08:59,429
anything is possible.
246
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:00,530
How hard is it?
247
00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:01,731
Well, most of our students report
248
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,234
about 10 to 15 hours of homework a week
249
00:09:04,303 --> 00:09:05,769
in addition to class time.
250
00:09:05,992 --> 00:09:07,258
That sounds like real college.
251
00:09:07,327 --> 00:09:10,194
This is a real college.
And it's a lot of hard work.
252
00:09:10,263 --> 00:09:11,963
But, you put in your two years here,
253
00:09:12,032 --> 00:09:15,266
then transfer to a real...
to a four-year college
254
00:09:15,335 --> 00:09:17,235
and you will land an entry-level job.
255
00:09:17,304 --> 00:09:18,937
Nothing too glamorous,
256
00:09:19,005 --> 00:09:21,339
but you pay your dues, climb the ladder.
257
00:09:21,408 --> 00:09:22,440
By the time you're 45,
258
00:09:22,509 --> 00:09:25,076
you're living in a three-bedroom house
with a picket fence!
259
00:09:25,145 --> 00:09:27,011
Wow!
260
00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:30,313
Three-bedroom house with a picket fence?
261
00:09:30,382 --> 00:09:32,448
Already got one of those.
262
00:09:32,517 --> 00:09:34,450
Plus, free meals, laundry, and cable.
263
00:09:34,519 --> 00:09:36,252
I am living the dream.
264
00:09:36,321 --> 00:09:37,353
You know what I say?
265
00:09:37,422 --> 00:09:39,489
"Who needs college?"
266
00:09:40,725 --> 00:09:43,092
Great work out there.
I'm getting you a donut.
267
00:09:43,161 --> 00:09:44,928
- You earned it.
- Er, a donut.
268
00:09:44,996 --> 00:09:46,095
Isn't that a little on the nose?
269
00:09:46,164 --> 00:09:47,330
And a lot on the belly.
270
00:09:47,399 --> 00:09:48,565
Ah, Blitz!
271
00:09:48,633 --> 00:09:49,832
Okay, guys, guys.
272
00:09:49,901 --> 00:09:51,534
The door handle situation
really hasn't changed.
273
00:09:51,603 --> 00:09:53,436
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.
274
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:54,537
I opened it.
275
00:09:54,606 --> 00:09:55,638
Sir? Okay.
276
00:09:55,707 --> 00:09:57,240
So humiliating.
277
00:09:57,309 --> 00:09:59,042
Officer Pierogi just
banishes me to the backseat
278
00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,943
like I'm just along for the ride.
279
00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:02,781
Well, it is called a "ride-along". So...
280
00:10:02,849 --> 00:10:03,915
Mitchell!
281
00:10:03,984 --> 00:10:06,307
Oh, hey, Lucy, um... Cam, this is Lucy.
282
00:10:06,342 --> 00:10:07,641
She's the one that
set all this up for us.
283
00:10:07,676 --> 00:10:08,952
- Oh, hi. Thank you so much.
- Hi.
284
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,655
- Mitchell had a wonderful time.
- Oh, great.
285
00:10:10,724 --> 00:10:13,058
- So, does that mean the answer's "Yes"?
- What's the question?
286
00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:15,594
Oh, I've been trying for weeks
to get this guy to become prosecutor.
287
00:10:15,662 --> 00:10:19,431
Y... You mean, like, Angie Harmon on...
on "Law and Order"
288
00:10:19,499 --> 00:10:20,699
or Susan Dey on "L.A. Law"?
289
00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:22,167
Or a man who does that job.
290
00:10:22,236 --> 00:10:24,302
Okay, well, why didn't you
tell me about this?
291
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:27,583
I'm going to give you guys a minute.
292
00:10:27,651 --> 00:10:29,418
But, um, Mitchell,
I really need to know by Monday.
293
00:10:29,487 --> 00:10:31,286
Otherwise, I have to move on
to someone else, okay?
294
00:10:31,355 --> 00:10:32,521
- Okay.
- It was nice to meet you.
295
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:33,530
- Nice to meet you.
- Bye!
296
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:34,590
Bye.
297
00:10:34,658 --> 00:10:37,125
Okay, I'm... I'm sorry
I... I didn't tell you about the job.
298
00:10:37,194 --> 00:10:38,494
It's... it's just a big change,
299
00:10:38,562 --> 00:10:40,395
and I wanted to make
this decision on my own.
300
00:10:40,464 --> 00:10:41,830
You know what, here's the good news.
301
00:10:41,899 --> 00:10:43,659
- You have a fantastic job offer...
- Mm-hmm.
302
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,209
And if today taught us anything,
303
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:46,911
it's that you have a passion
for this world.
304
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,913
Well, actually,
if today taught me anything,
305
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,282
it's that I definitely
do not want this job.
306
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,917
I'm... I'm gonna go find Lucy.
307
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,092
Oh, good. I'm late.
308
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:01,792
I'm trying to free myself
of the calendar.
309
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,988
I live by my circadian rhythms.
310
00:11:04,023 --> 00:11:05,395
So important!
311
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:09,266
Nicole, this is my grandfather, Jay.
312
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,634
How do you do?
313
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:13,629
And this is the sauce maven
herself, my wife, Gloria.
314
00:11:13,664 --> 00:11:17,474
- Very nice to meet you.
- Oh, I love your accent.
315
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:21,237
You know, I was up for the role
of El Chapo's mistress.
316
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,206
Oh, I did not see that movie.
317
00:11:23,275 --> 00:11:24,474
What movie?
318
00:11:27,012 --> 00:11:28,845
And we appreciate you taking time
319
00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:31,741
from your busy schedule here at NERP.
320
00:11:31,776 --> 00:11:33,619
It's a dynamite organization.
321
00:11:33,654 --> 00:11:35,551
I'm a big fan. Love what you're doing.
322
00:11:35,923 --> 00:11:37,289
What are you doing?
323
00:11:37,358 --> 00:11:39,258
I was selling. That's what I was doing.
324
00:11:39,327 --> 00:11:41,527
I don't know what nonsense
this cult was pushing,
325
00:11:41,595 --> 00:11:42,728
but at the end of the day,
326
00:11:42,797 --> 00:11:44,129
they were gonna be
in the sauce business.
327
00:11:44,198 --> 00:11:45,898
And so, these peppers
328
00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:48,734
are the heart of Gloria's sauce.
329
00:11:48,803 --> 00:11:52,237
But this is the finished product,
of course...
330
00:11:52,306 --> 00:11:54,707
the Salsa Atomica.
331
00:12:01,382 --> 00:12:03,649
Mmm! Peppery!
332
00:12:03,718 --> 00:12:06,518
She has a sophisticated palate!
333
00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:08,454
Mmm!
334
00:12:08,522 --> 00:12:10,889
I can feel the healing.
335
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,424
Maybe that's why you're glowing.
336
00:12:12,493 --> 00:12:13,759
Am I crazy or is she glowing?
337
00:12:13,828 --> 00:12:16,095
Totally glowing!
338
00:12:16,921 --> 00:12:20,690
Gloria, I notice that
you're really kind of quiet.
339
00:12:20,758 --> 00:12:21,891
Is that a vitamin D thing?
340
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,826
'Cause we have socks
that can address that.
341
00:12:23,895 --> 00:12:25,528
No, I'm just...
342
00:12:25,597 --> 00:12:27,864
you know, it's hard for me to sell this.
343
00:12:27,932 --> 00:12:30,099
It's been in my family
for five generations.
344
00:12:30,168 --> 00:12:31,634
Most of them had kids at 15.
345
00:12:31,703 --> 00:12:35,404
Things were not always easy
in my village.
346
00:12:35,473 --> 00:12:37,340
But the one thing
347
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:40,209
that we could always count on
was the sauce
348
00:12:40,278 --> 00:12:43,713
made from this blend
of magical Colombian peppers.
349
00:12:43,781 --> 00:12:45,314
Well, maybe it was just the way
350
00:12:45,383 --> 00:12:46,949
the water came down the mountain
351
00:12:47,018 --> 00:12:49,352
and curved around our family farm.
352
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,254
I love mountains and curves.
353
00:12:51,322 --> 00:12:52,888
So NERP!
354
00:12:53,028 --> 00:12:54,227
You know, I remember
355
00:12:54,296 --> 00:12:56,830
my grandmother cooking for me
every Sunday.
356
00:12:56,898 --> 00:12:58,264
I would hold on to her apron
357
00:12:58,333 --> 00:13:00,000
and follow her around the kitchen
358
00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:01,501
while she prepared her sauce.
359
00:13:01,570 --> 00:13:03,603
She would hold out the spoon to me
360
00:13:03,672 --> 00:13:05,005
and say, "Taste this."
361
00:13:05,073 --> 00:13:06,940
It's your familia."
362
00:13:07,009 --> 00:13:09,242
I feel like NERP is my familia.
363
00:13:09,311 --> 00:13:11,378
Yeah, we were all here on Christmas.
364
00:13:11,446 --> 00:13:13,546
Maybe it is the right time.
365
00:13:13,615 --> 00:13:15,682
My abuela is gone.
366
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:19,486
My great aunts are all gone.
367
00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:21,588
They straightened the river.
368
00:13:21,657 --> 00:13:23,223
NERP can re-curve it.
369
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:25,625
Maybe it is the time to say "Goodbye"
370
00:13:25,694 --> 00:13:27,460
to the one thing that is
a real connection to...
371
00:13:27,529 --> 00:13:29,229
You're not saying "Goodbye" to anything.
372
00:13:29,297 --> 00:13:30,830
This deal is done!
373
00:13:32,367 --> 00:13:35,135
I'm so sorry to have put you
in this position.
374
00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,736
I will never ask you
to turn your back...
375
00:13:36,805 --> 00:13:39,110
- You blew it, you dummy!
- What?
376
00:13:39,141 --> 00:13:41,441
I wanted to sell that stupid sauce!
377
00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:44,346
Wait a minute. I'm confused.
378
00:13:44,415 --> 00:13:46,115
Why did you tell her
that the deal was off?
379
00:13:46,183 --> 00:13:47,623
I was trying to protect your legacy.
380
00:13:47,685 --> 00:13:49,798
What legacy? There's not legacy.
381
00:13:49,833 --> 00:13:52,879
I invented that whole story
to drive up the price.
382
00:13:52,914 --> 00:13:55,593
- Are you sure you're in sales?
- What about the pictures?
383
00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:59,202
I cut them out from Manny's
National Geographic old magazines.
384
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:03,573
Look, there's even a picture
at the Universal Studios tour.
385
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,077
That's the "Psycho" house in the back!
386
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,146
So, you want to get rid of the business?
387
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,014
Yes, I hate that sauce.
388
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,149
It's a dog!
389
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,951
I have storage lockers all over town
390
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,219
full of jars.
391
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:18,056
I tried to flush it,
but it eats up the pipes.
392
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,390
You could've just told me.
393
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,726
I didn't want to admit
that you were right
394
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:25,401
and have to hear "I told you so"
for the rest of my life.
395
00:14:26,086 --> 00:14:27,452
Well, your life.
396
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,021
But, it was the first thing
I was doing on my own
397
00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:31,722
after getting married.
398
00:14:31,791 --> 00:14:33,091
And it was a failure.
399
00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:35,760
Honey, you've got to
cut yourself some slack.
400
00:14:35,829 --> 00:14:37,628
Do you know how many ideas I had to dump
401
00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:38,863
because they weren't working?
402
00:14:39,459 --> 00:14:42,860
I was a silent partner
of a professional Jai Alai league.
403
00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:44,629
With the ball and the scoopy thing?
404
00:14:44,697 --> 00:14:45,796
You guys! What was that?!
405
00:14:45,865 --> 00:14:47,565
Now I'm never gonna get
my own bean bag chair.
406
00:14:47,634 --> 00:14:49,500
No, it's gonna be fine.
We want to sell now.
407
00:14:49,569 --> 00:14:50,868
It's too late. She's moved on.
408
00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:52,436
Nicole doesn't give second chances.
409
00:14:52,505 --> 00:14:53,771
Mostly because that's the name
410
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,940
of a failed rom-com she made
with Andrew McCarthy.
411
00:14:56,009 --> 00:14:57,775
That's where I've seen her before!
412
00:14:57,844 --> 00:14:59,710
Listen, this isn't over.
413
00:14:59,779 --> 00:15:01,712
I've had my back
against the wall before.
414
00:15:01,781 --> 00:15:03,881
Denver, Closet-Con, '97.
415
00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:06,784
I had a warehouse full of cedar shelves.
416
00:15:06,853 --> 00:15:09,820
- A storm blew in over the Rockies...
- You sold the closet. I get it.
417
00:15:09,889 --> 00:15:11,856
- Let's go up there.
- There's a whole story here.
418
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:15,667
Nicole! Look who came back!
419
00:15:15,736 --> 00:15:17,435
Listen, we were just talking outside,
420
00:15:17,504 --> 00:15:18,937
and maybe I was a little rash.
421
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:20,472
Really?
422
00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:22,140
Maybe a big rash.
423
00:15:22,209 --> 00:15:23,608
I'm so happy to hear you say that
424
00:15:23,677 --> 00:15:25,577
'cause I haven't been able
to stop eating your salsa
425
00:15:25,646 --> 00:15:26,878
since you left.
426
00:15:26,947 --> 00:15:28,346
There's no way to prove that.
427
00:15:28,415 --> 00:15:29,681
Apropos of nothing,
428
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:33,118
do you believe in Western medicine?
429
00:15:36,456 --> 00:15:38,123
Ahh! Sweet.
430
00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:41,292
- Luke!
- Dad?
431
00:15:41,361 --> 00:15:42,861
Need you bad, buddy.
432
00:15:42,929 --> 00:15:44,662
- Why are you yelling?
- Oh, don't tell Mom,
433
00:15:44,731 --> 00:15:47,198
but I worked out too hard,
and it clogged my ears.
434
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:50,468
I need some ice. And a heating pad.
And some aspirin.
435
00:15:50,537 --> 00:15:52,937
And some soft foods,
like Jell-o or soup.
436
00:15:53,195 --> 00:15:54,915
Can you poach an egg?
Can you even hear me?!
437
00:15:57,065 --> 00:15:58,398
Hi.
438
00:15:58,467 --> 00:15:59,532
Okay.
439
00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:01,134
- I'll be right back.
- Okay...?
440
00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:04,170
What's going on?
441
00:16:04,239 --> 00:16:06,339
Don't tell you father, but I can't move.
442
00:16:06,408 --> 00:16:08,174
Start me a tub and when it's ready,
443
00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:09,976
carry me upstairs and put me in it.
444
00:16:10,045 --> 00:16:11,244
Can you boil water for tea?
445
00:16:11,313 --> 00:16:12,412
I guess.
446
00:16:12,481 --> 00:16:14,114
Luke, what happened, chief?
447
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,682
Uh, I'm helping Mom with something!
448
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:16,916
Don't say that!
449
00:16:16,985 --> 00:16:18,752
Claire, everything okay?!
450
00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:21,421
Yes! I'm just stretching!
451
00:16:21,490 --> 00:16:22,622
Me, too!
452
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:24,958
Luke!
453
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,860
Uh, he's helping me with
something on the computer!
454
00:16:28,063 --> 00:16:29,596
He's so good at computers!
455
00:16:29,664 --> 00:16:31,631
Oh, such a smart boy!
456
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,066
Okay, all right. This is nuts.
457
00:16:33,135 --> 00:16:35,401
What? No. Oh, boy.
458
00:16:38,514 --> 00:16:39,546
Hi.
459
00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:41,281
Oh, hi, honey.
Hey, sweetie.
460
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:43,383
Are you good?
461
00:16:43,452 --> 00:16:45,085
Oh, yeah, yeah.
462
00:16:45,154 --> 00:16:47,454
- Are you good?
- So good!
463
00:16:47,523 --> 00:16:48,689
I don't know what's going on here,
464
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:49,823
but neither of you are good!
465
00:16:49,892 --> 00:16:51,558
If you want someone to take care of you,
466
00:16:51,627 --> 00:16:54,994
I suggest once you can move,
you make another baby.
467
00:16:56,031 --> 00:16:58,632
You're hurting, too?
468
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,334
That race, it almost destroyed me.
469
00:17:00,402 --> 00:17:03,069
And I have to spend the rest of my life
in this position.
470
00:17:03,092 --> 00:17:04,191
What are we doing?
471
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:06,527
We're competing like
a couple of 40-year-olds.
472
00:17:06,595 --> 00:17:08,062
I haven't worked out in months.
473
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:09,329
But, what's up with you?
474
00:17:09,398 --> 00:17:11,465
You're out on that
basketball court all the time.
475
00:17:11,534 --> 00:17:12,633
Claire.
476
00:17:15,404 --> 00:17:17,371
There's someone I'd like
for you to meet...
477
00:17:21,413 --> 00:17:23,413
This is Awesome Possum.
478
00:17:23,482 --> 00:17:24,748
Instead of working out,
479
00:17:24,817 --> 00:17:27,117
my super cool friends and I
have epic robot battles.
480
00:17:27,186 --> 00:17:28,785
The only time I break a sweat
481
00:17:28,854 --> 00:17:31,021
is when we run after
the ice cream truck.
482
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,689
Is this what giving up feels like?
483
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:35,192
No, not if we do it together.
484
00:17:35,261 --> 00:17:38,529
Let's boldly walk forward
at a reasonable pace
485
00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:39,963
into this new future
486
00:17:40,032 --> 00:17:41,865
where we don't have to pretend
to be strong or fast.
487
00:17:41,934 --> 00:17:43,867
- Can I make a confession?
- Yeah.
488
00:17:43,936 --> 00:17:45,903
Sometimes, I get hungry at, like, 5:00.
489
00:17:45,971 --> 00:17:47,170
Me, too!
490
00:17:47,239 --> 00:17:49,172
Let's start having early dinners!
491
00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:50,541
It makes so much sense.
492
00:17:50,609 --> 00:17:52,109
Old people are wise.
493
00:17:52,177 --> 00:17:53,310
Oh!
494
00:17:53,999 --> 00:17:56,734
Oh, no, Poss! No!
495
00:17:56,812 --> 00:17:58,278
No! I gave you life!
496
00:17:58,346 --> 00:18:00,046
Dr. Perry, this is Luke Dunphy.
497
00:18:00,115 --> 00:18:01,147
Forget what I said.
498
00:18:01,216 --> 00:18:02,582
I'd like to start college today.
499
00:18:02,651 --> 00:18:04,350
No! Luke!
500
00:18:06,621 --> 00:18:08,054
Mitchell, come in here.
501
00:18:10,225 --> 00:18:12,859
Wow. Small room, big mirror, handcuffs.
502
00:18:12,928 --> 00:18:14,094
Overcharge for drinks,
503
00:18:14,162 --> 00:18:15,495
and this could be a bar
in West Hollywood.
504
00:18:15,564 --> 00:18:17,063
Okay, why aren't you taking this job?
505
00:18:17,132 --> 00:18:18,252
- I don't want to.
- Why not?
506
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:19,766
You hate freelancing.
You're barely doing it.
507
00:18:19,835 --> 00:18:21,301
I-I'm plenty busy.
508
00:18:21,369 --> 00:18:23,269
Are you? Because you know what?
509
00:18:23,338 --> 00:18:24,571
Lily and I saw you
510
00:18:24,639 --> 00:18:26,406
putting breadcrumbs
in your pocket the other day.
511
00:18:26,475 --> 00:18:28,341
Are you back to spending your afternoons
512
00:18:28,410 --> 00:18:30,280
with the pigeons in the park, Mitchell?
513
00:18:30,315 --> 00:18:31,675
W... You know, they're hungry.
514
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:34,681
No, you're hungry. For a purpose.
515
00:18:34,749 --> 00:18:36,749
It's just not my thing.
516
00:18:38,019 --> 00:18:39,219
Sit down.
517
00:18:39,287 --> 00:18:41,287
Not your thing, huh?
518
00:18:41,657 --> 00:18:43,791
Okay, well, I snapped
this picture of you this afternoon.
519
00:18:43,859 --> 00:18:45,426
Do you recognize the person
in this picture?
520
00:18:45,494 --> 00:18:47,761
Uh, Yes, it's me.
You just said that, so...
521
00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,663
Okay, well, what is
the expression on your face?
522
00:18:49,732 --> 00:18:52,065
- What are you doing?
- I asked a question!
523
00:18:52,134 --> 00:18:54,768
"What is the expression
on your face?"
524
00:18:54,837 --> 00:18:55,936
It's a smile.
525
00:18:56,005 --> 00:18:57,704
And how would you describe
this... "smile"?
526
00:18:57,773 --> 00:18:59,306
Well, from ear-to-ear.
527
00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:00,774
Wh-where's Blitz with my donut?
528
00:19:00,843 --> 00:19:04,178
You'll get a donut when I get answers,
you piece of trash!
529
00:19:04,246 --> 00:19:05,612
Hey!
530
00:19:05,681 --> 00:19:06,780
Hey!
531
00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:11,095
Oh, my gosh, what...
532
00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:12,596
what's happening here, huh?
533
00:19:12,665 --> 00:19:14,465
I'm sorry, Mitchell. You know what?
534
00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:15,632
I'm just here to help you.
535
00:19:15,701 --> 00:19:17,167
Let's just you and me talk.
536
00:19:17,236 --> 00:19:19,703
Are you seriously trying
to good cop/bad cop me?
537
00:19:19,772 --> 00:19:21,472
No, I'm trying to get some understanding
538
00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:24,575
because I was with you
the entire afternoon
539
00:19:24,643 --> 00:19:27,544
and you can't deny you had a great time.
540
00:19:27,613 --> 00:19:29,246
Wait a minute... except for when...
541
00:19:29,315 --> 00:19:30,781
when you got out of the car
to chase that guy down.
542
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:33,250
- Mitchell, what happened?
- Nothing.
543
00:19:35,321 --> 00:19:38,388
Okay, we were chasing after
that deadbeat guy,
544
00:19:38,567 --> 00:19:41,101
and I started... I started
thinking about his kid.
545
00:19:41,170 --> 00:19:44,004
And I just... I wanted
to catch him and make him pay.
546
00:19:44,073 --> 00:19:46,240
And then,
Stablitzky got him on the ground
547
00:19:46,309 --> 00:19:49,944
and I saw his face and he was...
he was scared.
548
00:19:50,018 --> 00:19:52,918
There's a person there.
I don't know the whole story.
549
00:19:52,987 --> 00:19:56,122
I don't think that I can just
toss someone into prison.
550
00:19:56,190 --> 00:19:57,388
- Mitchell, come...
- See? This is why
551
00:19:57,426 --> 00:19:59,392
I didn't tell you, okay?
You're judging me.
552
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,193
You're the tough, justice guy,
553
00:20:01,262 --> 00:20:03,262
and I'm just... I'm soft.
554
00:20:03,331 --> 00:20:04,797
No, you're fair.
555
00:20:04,866 --> 00:20:07,500
And, of course, you can be
thoughtful and sensitive.
556
00:20:07,568 --> 00:20:09,068
But you can be tough.
557
00:20:09,137 --> 00:20:11,704
You remember the woman
in front of us at "Lion King"
558
00:20:11,773 --> 00:20:14,173
with the candy wrappers
and the big, giant hat?
559
00:20:14,242 --> 00:20:15,962
- Whoo, I went crazy on her.
- You sure did.
560
00:20:16,010 --> 00:20:17,510
And it is that passion
561
00:20:17,578 --> 00:20:21,180
that would make you
an amazing prosecutor.
562
00:20:21,249 --> 00:20:23,182
- Do you really think so?
- Of course.
563
00:20:23,251 --> 00:20:25,284
And nothing would thrill me more
564
00:20:25,353 --> 00:20:26,852
than to watch you embark
565
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,854
on this new chapter of your life.
566
00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:30,089
Aww.
567
00:20:30,158 --> 00:20:32,258
It is... it is a lot less money, though.
568
00:20:33,094 --> 00:20:35,061
Well, you know,
we don't have to decide today.
569
00:20:39,832 --> 00:20:43,263
Guys? Guys, you forgot me again!
570
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,734
I like tacos too!
571
00:20:45,986 --> 00:20:47,465
Mitchell!
572
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:49,596
Mitchell!
573
00:20:50,687 --> 00:20:54,563
- Haley? In my office, please.
- Coming!
574
00:20:55,862 --> 00:20:56,862
Okay...
575
00:20:59,833 --> 00:21:03,426
Where are you?
Something happened to my face.
576
00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:10,033
- Okay, I'll...
- I got it.
577
00:21:10,780 --> 00:21:11,888
He's got it.
578
00:21:15,163 --> 00:21:20,163
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