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00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,083
The Simpsons
2
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,281
D'oh!
3
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:27,685
And with time running out,
4
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,081
the Seminoles
are on the warpath!
5
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,441
Go, Seminoles!
6
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,081
Cover the point spread!
Cover the point spread!
7
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:36,570
Mmm.
8
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,643
Here's the play
that will determine the game.
9
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,722
Stay tuned for "Sitcom Sunday."
10
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,569
Where's the remote?
11
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,210
This is not
a drill, people!
12
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:56,881
Huh?
13
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,166
Oh.
14
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,729
Hmm. The TV
changes channels
15
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,928
every time
the dog barks.
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00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,244
We return to Mel Gibson's
"The Salad of the Christ"
17
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,448
on Christian Carrot Theater.
18
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,288
I think he swallowed
the remote.
19
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,011
Bark for your master.
20
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,288
Lousy American-made dog!
21
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,762
Oh! Why must
I be so voluptuous?
22
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,081
Oh!
23
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,007
Oh. Time
to make you pretty!
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Oh, yes.
A little more color.
25
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How do I look?
26
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,641
Ow!
27
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,451
Oh, after my makeover,
I'm gonna get you, boy!
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Yo, yo, yo.
Here now the nizzews.
29
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,811
The top artists of hip-hop
are coming to Springfield.
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This all-star concert dubbed
"Murder 4 Life" features,
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Da Glock Pointaz, Romeo Smoov,
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Queen Booty Shaykah,
MC Champagne Millionaire,
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and Assault "Weapons Magazine's"
Man of the Year, Alcatraaaz.
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Alcatraaaz
is wide-spread!
35
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,760
I'm talkin' da junk!
36
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,322
Just what we need. Another
lame suburban kid who loves rap.
37
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,010
So? You like the blues.
38
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Yes. But the blues
are unpopular.
39
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Man, are you illin'.
40
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Rappers stopped saying
"illin"' 12 years ago.
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I'm keepin' it real!
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They stopped saying "keepin' it
real" three years ago.
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Mom, Lisa's dissin' me!
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Dissin'?
45
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Do rappers still say that?
Oh!
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Hmm.
47
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Dad, can I go to a rap concert?
Tickets are $50.
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Go to hell.
Okay.
49
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What if I pay
for it myself?
50
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:44,921
Fine. Go nuts.
51
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,565
I love you, Dad.
52
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,130
I love you, too, Jerry.
53
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,603
Baggy britches?
Loose-laced gym shoes?
54
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,643
Are you going
to a rap performance?
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Hell, yeah. I'm representin'
at Murder 4 Life.
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Know what I'm sayin'?
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All too well.
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00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,560
Rap music belongs
in the rubbish bin.
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00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:09,202
It encourages punching,
boastfulness, and rudeness to hos!
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00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,329
Step off, Mom. Rap is the poetry
of the streets.
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00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,411
Well, you are not going to any concert
that promulgates stink talk.
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But Dad already
said I could go.
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Oh, did he?
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00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,808
Homer, you tell
your son
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a rap show is not a safe place
for a 10-year-old.
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00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,771
Son, your mother
makes a very loud point.
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00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,962
But you said I could go
if I paid for the ticket.
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00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,647
Boy, let me explain the situation
in terms you'll understand.
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00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,891
You did it
on the straight
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00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,200
Got your dad's permission
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00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,602
But your mom dropped a bomb
So I flipped my position
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Don't argue with Marge
I know what's best
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The only wrap in this crib
Keeps sandwiches fresh
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00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,488
Fresh, fr-fresh
for Mommy's baby boy
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00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,087
Baby boy. Baby boy.
Ba-ba-ba-baby boy
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00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,168
Dad, you completely
sold me out.
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00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,164
Well, I paid for this ticket.
That makes me an adult.
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I'm going.
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00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,005
I love you,
Krusty-wusty.
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Every miner, forty-niner
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And stone cold conniver
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Stakes a claim on my tongue
To pan my saliva
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Make the hos drop they clothes
Like they Lady Godiva
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00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,561
Whoa.
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00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,770
Yo, cuz! Put down my mike
'Less you know how to use it
86
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:51,128
This is old school not preschool
So don't Dr. Seuss it
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Don't critique my technique
I'm no geek
88
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I make the principal nervous
My friends can confirm this
89
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I'll bust a spit wad
in your epidermis
90
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,884
Oh, no, he didn't!
91
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,050
You can trace my remorse
To its supersized source
92
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,805
A hungry, hungry hypocrite
Named Homer, of course
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00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,491
My old man's pathetic
Damn is his head thick
94
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,370
The gas from his ass
is carcinogenic
95
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,250
Every day I pray
his DNA ain't genetic
96
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,286
Damn, this ride
is pimped out.
97
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:38,161
Yo, downstairs I got a wax museum
of famous movie monsters.
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00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,925
Check it out, if you want to get
your fright on.
99
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,610
Jeepers! It's 50 Cent.
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00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,371
Yo, B. I heard you
throw down on stage.
101
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,851
Wanna join
my world tour?
102
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,208
Sorry, Fitty.
I have school tomorrow.
103
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You're right. The more you know,
the further you go.
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And that's one to grow on.
105
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,171
Does that count
as community service?
106
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No.
107
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,004
All right.
Take me to the park.
108
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,081
We'll pick up
some dog poop.
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Yes, sir!
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Here you go,
you little yellow cracker.
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Now let's go murder
our enemies. Peace.
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Mmm!
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Bart's gone!
I checked everywhere!
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That little sneak
disobeyed us
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and went to that
hip-hop festival!
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If that's true,
he's gonna be like NWA.
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Not Without Ass-welts.
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00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,843
Well, time to face
my punishment like a man
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or lie my way out
of it like a kid!
120
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,846
A flying rock!
Call a geologist!
121
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Hmm.
122
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"We have kidnapped your son.
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"Follow instructions and
Bart will not be harmed."
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Follow instructions?
He's doomed!
125
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,648
This'll be the worst
Thanksgiving dinner ever!
126
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,563
Thanksgiving's not
for months!
127
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The bad news
keeps on coming!
128
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Tragedy climbed
a ladder last night
129
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,409
as 10-year-old Bart Simpson
was snatched from his bed,
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his chocolate milk dreams cut short
by kidnapping fiends.
131
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,768
Mrs. Simpson, is the pain
so unbearable
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00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,207
you wish your son
had never been born?
133
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,331
Ooh! What a horrible thing
to say to a mother.
134
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,201
Perhaps reading this message aloud
will comfort you.
135
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,329
It's win-a-Hawaiian-getaway-week
on Channel 6."
136
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,727
So, mail in those
pineapple stickers today.
137
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,485
Aloha means one
entry per person.
138
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,328
I will find Bart Simpson.
Clancy Wiggum is on the case.
139
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,530
Chief, seriously, shouldn't we just
plan for the funeral?
140
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,331
Hey, I crack
cases all the time.
141
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,084
Like the case
of the symphony conductor
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00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,605
who murdered
his star cellist.
143
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,444
That was an episode
of Columbo, Chief.
144
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,921
They show you who the bad guy is
at the beginning of each one.
145
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,240
Yeah. But you have
to remember.
146
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,729
This is no fun
without Bart.
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00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,928
He used to watch me
while I did this.
148
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,490
I still do.
149
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,850
Bart! Are the kidnappers
after you?
150
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,844
Well, some kidnappers might
be after me. It's a big world.
151
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,883
But in this case,
I faked the whole thing.
152
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,928
Why? Are you mad at me?
153
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,684
No. It's not about you.
154
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,889
Oh. It's never
about me!
155
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,883
10-23, you seen anything?
156
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,883
Look, I need a place to hide out
until the heat is off.
157
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,566
In my dad's apartment,
the heat is always off.
158
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,007
He made a coat out of all
my stuffed animals.
159
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,890
You can hide out
in my room.
160
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,644
My dad won't know
because he's at work.
161
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,003
Shoo! Get outta here!
162
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,809
These aren't your soybeans!
163
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,163
Wow. I should've read these
headlines a long time ago.
164
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,686
Together, they really
paint a picture
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00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,250
of failure.
166
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,529
And now my only
friend is the bottle.
167
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,807
Rise and shine, Chief Wiggum!
168
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,928
This pity party is over.
169
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,883
What...
Officer down! Huh?
170
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,001
Hmm.
171
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,320
Barney Fife!
172
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,449
Y-E-S spells
"You got it, buster!"
173
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,204
And I'm here to tell you
174
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,682
the feelings you're having
are common for every
175
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:19,966
brother of the badge.
176
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,202
Well, my fat grew
over my badge.
177
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,971
Oh, sour mash.
178
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,362
It's time for you to roll up
your sleeves and get the o!'
179
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,289
crime sniffer
out on the street.
180
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:32,401
You're right.
181
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,721
I gotta buckle down
and do some police work.
182
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:39,363
Now that's the can-do attitude
that puts dudes in the can.
183
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,124
Well, I'm wanted
back on the set.
184
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,131
Set? Are you the character
or the actor who plays him?
185
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,887
Now I must go.
186
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,246
Wait a minute.
Now you're a ghost?
187
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,723
Avenge me.
188
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,241
Hello?
189
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,163
This is the kidnapper!
190
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,891
Do what I say and
Bart won't get hurt.
191
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,163
Oh, yeah? Send a finger wrapped in
today's paper to prove you have him.
192
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,129
Homer! I know what
I'm doing.
193
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,964
You can use any
section of the paper,
194
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,730
except Metro.
It's a big snooze.
195
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,209
Please give me back my boy.
196
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,966
I just want to tell him I love him
one more time.
197
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,843
Mom, it's me.
Don't cry. I'm okay.
198
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,002
The kidnappers say
if you worry too much,
199
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,201
they'll kill me.
200
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,203
Uh... No, no. I mean...
201
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,243
Okay, you made
your point!
202
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,401
Gotta go!
203
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,361
All right, boys.
204
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,647
Let's get this tape back to
the lab for analysis.
205
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:42,727
We have a lab?
206
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,087
Yeah. It's that room we keep
the Christmas decorations in.
207
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,487
Uh... No, no. I mean...
208
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,008
What is that noise
in the background?
209
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,320
Maybe I can isolate it.
210
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,367
I know I've heard
that noise before.
211
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,885
Think, Clancy. Think.
212
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,644
Hail falling
on a tin roof?
213
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,684
No. That's it!
214
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,524
Stovetop popcorn!
215
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,683
And it sounds like my favorite
brand! Chintzy Pop!
216
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,641
Eddie, Lou!
217
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,524
We're going to
the Kwik-E-Mart!
218
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,449
You already sent us
there twice today.
219
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,010
No. That was for snacks.
220
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,526
This time,
it's not personal.
221
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,289
I need the name of everyone
who buys Chintzy Pop popcorn.
222
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,569
Chintzy Pop is the worst
legal popcorn.
223
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,529
Many of the kernels
are baby teeth.
224
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,843
There are only two idiots
cheap enough to buy this crap.
225
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,041
You and...
226
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,121
Oh, baby.
227
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,647
Is there anything better than
video poker and Chintzy Pop?
228
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,647
Whoa! I'm looking at
an inside straight!
229
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:46,961
Oh.
230
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,486
Someday I'll hear
the winning music.
231
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,607
Someday.
232
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,088
Drop the corn,
tighty-whitey!
233
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,650
What? I didn't do anything!
234
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,007
We'll let a judge
be the judge of that!
235
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,771
Yo, Chief,
we found the kid!
236
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,087
Wow. For once
I did everything right.
237
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,241
What's going on?
238
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,448
I didn't know
he was here! I swear!
239
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,521
Uh, Chief?
240
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,442
Is Milhouse's dad
gonna be in trouble?
241
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,005
He's not really a bad guy.
242
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,081
Now, now.
243
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:17,404
There's no need for you to defend
your captor, Bratty Hearst.
244
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,688
We're putting you
in a dirty little cell.
245
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,286
Not as small and dirty as this
apartment, but you know,
246
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,725
it's still pretty bad.
247
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,646
Oh, Bart, I'm so glad
you're okay!
248
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,561
Oh, son! Taking your tombstone
back to the store
249
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,246
will be the happiest
thing I've ever done.
250
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,480
Ay, caramba!
251
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,524
Chief, we're sorry we didn't have
faith in you.
252
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,769
And I'm sorry I wrote those letters
to the editor calling for your ouster.
253
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,849
You're "Worried in
West Springfield"?
254
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,566
Not anymore, Chief.
Not anymore.
255
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,083
Keep those rose petals coming!
256
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,731
I almost stepped on regular ground
back there.
257
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:12,849
Bart, two, three, four.
258
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,446
You put my dad in jail,
flip, spin, twirl.
259
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,248
Milhouse, if you tell anyone,
I'll tell the world
260
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,004
you wet your pants
watching Harry Potter.
261
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,606
I wasn't scared.
I was just peeing!
262
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,570
Look, if you tell what I did,
I'll get in trouble.
263
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,449
You gotta do something!
264
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,284
I want my dad back!
265
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,040
You've got the perfect
build for a suit,
266
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,491
44 regular.
267
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,330
56 huge.
268
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,166
Boys, even though I've been
made Police Commissioner,
269
00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,605
Don't think
I've forgotten you.
270
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,763
Lou, you're promoted to
Chief of Police. Sweet.
271
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,848
And Eddie,
you're promoted to Lou.
272
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:05,921
Nice.
273
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,365
And, uh,
who's gonna be Eddie?
274
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,441
We don't need an Eddie.
275
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,207
Commissioner Wiggum,
276
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,520
I need to confess something.
277
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:14,766
Is it that
you're proud of me?
278
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,609
I lied about
being kidnapped.
279
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,011
The whole thing
was a hoax.
280
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,527
A hoax? A hoax?
281
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:23,887
Oh!
282
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,567
Bart, please. You can't take
this away from me.
283
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,210
How would I explain it
to Ralphie?
284
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,649
That kid can't understand where
the world goes when you close the drapes.
285
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,882
But what about
Milhouse's dad?
286
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,731
Hey, this is the best thing that
ever happened to that loser.
287
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,564
Women love famous felons.
288
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,965
Kirk, you are so dangerous
and misunderstood.
289
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,008
You've kidnapped
my heart.
290
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,208
I love the way
I've heard of you.
291
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:55,047
So Bart, as you can see,
from what I just said,
292
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,451
everyone is a winner here.
293
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:03,761
Huh?
294
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,769
A shirt from
that rap concert.
295
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,769
Bart must've gone
to the show.
296
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:12,881
But that means...
297
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,724
Bart was never kidnapped?
298
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,451
Lisa, I'm very glad
you brought me this.
299
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:21,081
I'll see that it gets to
the proper authorities.
300
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:22,766
Dad!
301
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,161
Why did you do that?
302
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,721
Hollywood producers
have paid me a fortune,
303
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,088
which I've already lost,
for the rights to Bart's story.
304
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:34,210
So I have to destroy anything
that proves that story's not true.
305
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,122
Why did you
burn up your shirt?
306
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,925
What shirt?
I don't see any shirt.
307
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,080
Burn the truth.
Burn the truth.
308
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,083
So you see, Principal Skinner, that's
why I had to come to you.
309
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,442
Wait. Why did your father
burn his pants?
310
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,681
It doesn't matter.
311
00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,924
The point is only with your help
can I expose Bart's lies.
312
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,361
A chance to bring
down Bart Simpson,
313
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,363
our school's second
most wanted criminal
314
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,965
after the mysterious
El Barto.
315
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:09,921
Hmm.
316
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,126
Sign me up.
317
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,891
Boys, let me tell ya.
Now that I'm Commissioner,
318
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,770
the shaves are hotter,
the steaks are thicker,
319
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,808
and I got my own
private bathroom.
320
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:23,807
So Lou here won't be using my sonic
toothbrush on his rotten choppers.
321
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,126
Yeah.
322
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,123
Uh, listen, Commissioner.
323
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,168
Lisa Simpson
came by the office today
324
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,527
asking questions about
her brother's kidnapping.
325
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:32,681
Questions?
Yes.
326
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,730
As if she were trying to unravel
a tapestry of deceit.
327
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,689
All right, people.
We got a situation here.
328
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,531
Your daughter's gonna blow
our whole deal sky high.
329
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,650
You leave Maggie to me.
330
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,041
No, Lisa.
331
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,209
Not her. She'll hunt
us down relentlessly.
332
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,523
Like a bloodhound mixed with
a student loan officer.
333
00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,886
Hey, I can't leave this place.
334
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,724
I get three square meals a day
335
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,168
and trailer time with Springfield's
craziest chicks.
336
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,729
Hey, I got the most
to lose here.
337
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,041
I just printed up
10,000 business cards.
338
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,600
How am I gonna pass all these
out before she catches me?
339
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,047
Give me a call sometime!
Give me a call some...
340
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,485
Here comes the panic!
341
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,086
People, please, the only way
Lisa can bust me
342
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,046
is if she finds someone who can
prove I was at that rap show.
343
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,646
And I know just where
she can find that someone.
344
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,922
Let's go
cover our asses!
345
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,441
Wait. Before we go, I took
the liberty of making these
346
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,330
embroidered conspiracy
jackets for all of us.
347
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,131
Wow. Those jackets
are beautiful!
348
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,770
We must never wear them.
349
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,207
Mr. Alcatraaaz,
my name is Lisa Simpson.
350
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,362
And this is Principal Skinner.
Hi.
351
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,569
Would you mind showing us
video footage of your last concert?
352
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:52,801
No problem.
353
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:57,522
I got 200-inch plasma TV
in my shoe closet.
354
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,722
I'm sharing a laugh
with my new friends.
355
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,885
Homer is a fat load
356
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,804
Homer is a fat load
357
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,890
This proves Bart lied
about being kidnapped.
358
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:13,961
Not yet.
359
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,408
Can we verify exactly what time
Bart was at the show?
360
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,445
If only we had
the exact date.
361
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,409
Bingo! Thank you,
Mr. Alcatraaaz.
362
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,761
Ain't nothin'.
363
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,843
Uh-uh-uh.
It is nothing.
364
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,763
It's idiomatic, biatch.
365
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,251
All right,
366
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,408
hand over the tape
and nobody gets hurt.
367
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:44,163
Oh, this is hopeless.
My gun isn't even loaded.
368
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:48,401
Nuts. They're gonna release that tape
and our hoax will be exposed.
369
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,288
Well, I guess I'll go back to Baltimore
and sell ribbon with my daddy.
370
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:57,524
"Ribbon, get your ribbon!
Great for presents!"
371
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,128
Wait a minute. Why do
we have to come clean?
372
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,440
Nobody's been hurt.
373
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,329
Everyone's happier
with the lie.
374
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,323
The lie is love.
375
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,124
Wait just a minute!
376
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,565
Love the lie.
377
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,200
The way I was raised, by Mom,
378
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,682
I learned the truth can't be swept
under the rug.
379
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,762
That's a very
noble sentiment, Lisa.
380
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,047
But for once in your life,
can't you just be cool?
381
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,849
Yeah.
Be cool like us.
382
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,729
Coolee. Coolee cool.
383
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,848
Come on, fool.
Be coolee coolee cool.
384
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,290
Yo, put away your Glocks, man.
Yes.
385
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,682
Share with us the wisdom
of the street, O mighty Alcatraaaz.
386
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,441
There are times in life, when the truth
ain't black nor white,
387
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,522
but a subtler
shade of gray, yo.
388
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,923
And when the path
for justice is obscured
389
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:49,324
by the fog of uncertainty,
there is only one solution.
390
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,925
House party!
391
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,045
I don't understand.
392
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,930
After all the corruption
and deceit we witnessed,
393
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,764
how can everyone
just party?
394
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,923
Lisa, the world is a
very complicated place.
395
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,809
And when you get
right down to it...
396
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,166
Cannonball!
397
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,449
Do you think there's a place
in the hip-hop world,
398
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,126
for a 40-something elementary
school administrator?
399
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,123
Hell, yes.
Hmm.
400
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,328
But I'm already paying
a guy for that.
401
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,564
Skinner! I order you
to step off, dawg.
402
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,886
I think they're making fun of me
but my wife is very sick.
403
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,407
Whoo!