This programme contains scenes that some viewers may find upsetting, strong language and dark adult humour.
I've conferred with Emma and Dr Merriam, who were here
yesterday as I understand it, and I would agree with their assessment.
She doesn't seem a sufficient risk currently
to be detained, now that...
The gun.
You've got rid of it. Yeah.
And she gave it to you willingly.
I wouldn't call it willingly.
But you didn't have to wrestle it off her or anything like that.
No. Does it count if it's mentally wrestling?
Because in that case, yes, I did, actually.
I did have to wrench it from her hands with my...parenting.
He was bloody useless as always.
Here's some information on the prescription I'm recommending her.
She's not keen, obviously.
She says she wants to get her trip out of the way first.
Why's she messing everything up by going mad again?
She can't actually help that.
I could go mad if I wanted to. I just don't because it's selfish and
inconvenient for everybody else. Look.
Donald, Donald?
Donald! Donald!
I'm Amy! Urrghhh...urgghhh! Donald, stop it.
Stop it.
It's all right.
I...best be heading off.
Sorry, are you saying we should let her go?
To Omsk... That's up to her, ultimately.
You know she puts chocolate milk on her soupy noodles.
Obviously, I would advise that someone go with her.
And I do quite strongly recommend that she consider the medication,
and that she come in when she's ready.
I don't know why these guys are so surprised about everything.
It's bloody obvious.
She's mental.
Not me.
So I looked through my Dad's
stuff and it seems he did spend some time at your hospital.
He died.
He died in Germany, ten years ago, it turns out.
I was thinking that...
..maybe he had the same thing that...that Amy has.
It's all gone tits up, hasn't it?
Yeah.
Urgh!
"I have dedicated my life to illusion.
"I spend weeks in solitude,
"then emerge to fool the world into believing that there
"is such a thing as wonder, that there is such a thing as magic.
"Only now can I see how I too have been fooled,
"how I too have been led to believe.
"For happiness
"is life's cruellest trick."
SOBBING
"Love, beauty, joy...
"..as fraudulent and meaningless as the triple lifts
"and finger palms I peddle in the evening.
"And the great privilege of knowing the Earth's secrets...
"..is the curse of knowing...
"..that there is nothing."
SOBBING
Hey! You all right?
How's she doing?
Yeah, er, we think it's probably best if you all just go home.
Why, what's happened?
No, it's just, erm, I don't think Omsk is...
Can we see her?
Is she OK?
Er, yeah, er,
depends what you mean by OK.
I'm a fucking monster.
I could have killed someone. I could've killed the baby.
No, that's not your fault.
Yes, it is. It's all my fault.
I've let everyone down. Amy...
Mum, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Amy, you are not horrible. You're just sick.
I can't do it anymore. I can't do it anymore.
What can't you do?
I can't do it any of it. I can't. It's too hard.
What's too hard? All of it.
I can't. I don't know how to do it.
I try and I want to be a normal person, but I just can't.
I can't do it. I can't.
Yes, you can.
Every time I think I'm gonna be OK, I just do something stupid
and FUCK IT UP! Shh-shh. And everyone gets cross at me.
Now, come on. And I just feel like I just wanna die.
Amy, how long have you been feeling like this?
I just wanna die...
Amy?
Oh, God, ages...
Ages. I just... I feel like I'm not meant to be here.
I feel like everyone hates me.
Oh, Amy. We don't hate you, Amy.
I don't hate you. You hate me. You wish I hadn't been born.
No, I don't. Yes, you do!
I'm horrible to you.
I beat you up. I'm horri- I broke your fucking finger.
I broke your finger on purpose.
Oh, my God, I can't do it any more!
Shh-shh... It's too loud! It's too loud.
I just wanna die.
Amy, I love you. No, you don't.
Yes, I do. You don't! Yes, I do.
Why the hell would I be sitting here if I didn't love you! Donald...
Sorry.
We all love you, Amy.
We love you, Amy.
And you, obviously.
SHE SOBS
Donald?
What do you want?
I'm sorry for beat you up.
You didn't beat me up.
I would've had you if it wasn't for those hefty girls
tearing me off you.
Just banter.
Pretty shit banter, mate.
Amy-chan is OK?
She's stopped crying.
You are crying as well.
Yeah, well.
I'm trying not to cause it hurts my nose.
Come on.
I want to show you something.
No. Just fuck off.
Oww! What you doing? You just threw a plunger at me.
Come on.
I want to show you.
OK, but take your hand off my knee.
This is special part of forest.
Magical section.
Lots of people is buried under here from a long time ago.
How often do you come here?
Er, sometimes.
Why are you showing me a haunted bit of forest?
It's quite a weird way to try and cheer me up.
Because my secret place. I want to share with you.
Why?
Because if you are feeling strange,
like can't understand what's going on, you come this place.
You will feel better.
Why do you care how I feel?
Because you are my friend.
Fair enough.
You probably would be my best man if I ever get married.
You will. How do you know?
Because I know.
Such fantastic father you will be.
I think I'd be a shit dad.
You peanuts make new flowers.
And then when you are old...
..you must bring your children this...
..secret place.
There you go. Thanks.
And there's relaxing cinnamon and lavender there,
so you can take your pick.
Are you making a stew?
Ah, yeah. Amy stew.
Amy stew.
Pardon?
Amy stew.
I missed you too.
OK.
It's like the way the leaves fall...
The sounds... Like it's all choreographed or something.
Like it's a dance.
Like you're sane finally.
Like you've worked out how to... How to live, or something.
But that's just the same as when people talk about
feeling like God is with them, right?
So why do I have to take medicine for it?
I think the difference is that
some people can have that feeling for a few minutes and then go home.
Whereas you have it for...
..about a month and then you steal a baby on a motorbike
and come home with a loaded gun.
Yeah, fair enough.
Penny for your thoughts.
I was just thinking about Mum.
And how long she stayed with Dad, the way he was.
I don't want you to have to do that.
I don't wanna make you miserable again.
There was this guy I knew who helped me out a bit,
back in the day...
..and he had these funny eyebrows that made me laugh
and, you know, he'd let me sleep on his floor
and he'd cook shepherd's pie for me
and he was basically a nice guy in many ways, but...
..he was a fucking racist.
And we'd get in these massive fights
and I'd be like, "What are you on about?"
And it was just... I just fucked him off in the end, because...
..no matter what I said...
..he just... He just couldn't see it because of that prejudice.
It blinds you.
And sometimes if you feel like you're a piece of shit,
no matter how much the maths add up
to something other than a piece of shit,
if you've got that prejudice against yourself,
then you'll never see it.
So I think of that sometimes.
If that's helpful.
I got a very high tolerance for miserable, believe me.
You're gonna have to try harder than that to stop me loving you.
Is that a challenge?
Er, no. Don't get me wrong.
If you could be maybe 10 to 20% easier to handle that would be...
..welcome.
I'm old after all.
I never prayed to meet you.
I never prayed for anything much except to get by.
Don't know where the hell you came from.
And I don't know where you're going, cos you could go anywhere.
But I'm coming with you.
Do you understand?
It's a bit dodgy actually, sorry.
So, yeah...
What I wanted to say is...
Sorry for calling me a fat slag?
Apart from that -
is...I know I can be...
..difficult but, for the record,
I've always thought you weren't good enough for me
and that maybe it would be confusing for people
because I'm so much better looking than you are.
Oh, my God, what the fuck is that?
I... I'm trying sorry. I'm trying. Donald...
I don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm doing either.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I'm good at.
And I definitely don't know how to run a business.
And I can't write stories and I can't play music
and I'm not a nice person.
But...
..I know I love you.
I have loved you since I was eight years old.
Even when you were fat.
Even when you went through that weird phase where you were just this
fat goth with no mates.
Nobody understands me like you do.
Not even Amy. Well...
Maybe Amy, but I can't have sex with her
because she's an idiot and a lesbian
and my sister.
But I can have sex...with you.
And...I can love you.
Even though I'm scared because I'm an arsehole
and because while I'm doing all this...
..I've never blown my beans into an actual lady before.
I've kissed a couple of people
and I fingered that squinty woman once who works in the computer shop
but...
..I have feelings, Matilda.
I do have feelings.
I'm just not allowed to show them very often
because my dad's always depressed and my mum doesn't know who she is
and my sister...
HE SIGHS TEARFULLY
I can't believe you fingered that woman from the computer shop.
SHE CHUCKLES
I will say this - considering who your parents were, you turned out
kind of OK.
Yeah.
Twins'll be saying the same about us one day. Probably, yeah.
I finished the book last night.
I was reading that bit about the dusk. Yeah?
Er, I was thinking how you had sort of articulated
what I was trying to say on holiday, you know.
About the sun coming up.
There was a paragraph about how the Earth never stops turning.
Mm.
And which means that we never stop falling.
In love?
I got rid of that bit.
Fair enough. Bit soppy, you know. Yeah.
Yeah.
There was this lady whose, erm, husband had killed himself
and she was just so upset and I mean really angry with me about the book.
And she kept saying how she just couldn't bring him back.
I didn't really know what to say to make it better.
Yeah.
I guess you could have just said that it's not her fault, you know?
He died of an illness and she loved him
and what else could she have done?
Because he would have appreciated it.
And for those few times when he tried and that one time when...
..he died...
..there were probably thousands where he thought about her
and saw her face and thought about how much she meant to him
and...how much he'd put her through already
and it would have stopped him.
Some people get sick and...
..some people kill themselves.
So glad you're not dead.
Are you sure you don't wanna go?
I can't. I'm sorry.
We looked at the stuff you did last night. The Blooms.
It's good.
Why don't we just play it once...
...before we leave?
If...you're up for it?
Hey. Hey. I'm just tidying.
Actually I might just... if that's all right. Yeah.
Did you get rid of the gun?
Yeah. Where did you put it?
In my bottom.
What? No. I just throw away in bin.
Oh, good.
I was thinking,
maybe, we should have a chat about, you know, how you're doing.
Mr Flowers, you help too much.
I know, but...
..just so you know...I'm here.
Do you miss home?
Well, I want you to consider this your home as much as it is ours.
We're your family.
You know that, don't you?
Yeah.
DISTORTED MUSIC
VOCALISING
SHE SCREAMS
MUSIC FADES
Subtitles by Red Bee Media