[bell dings]
Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...
This about Frump moving back?
I am a little bit worried. Frump and I don't mix.
I just rented a place in NoHo and moved in yesterday.
Maybe I'll brush off the ol' smartphone
and give the dating apps another whirl.
Let's do it. I'm totally game to get back out there, too.
- Guess who's allergic to sperm. - What does that all mean?
If I have to have a baby, my best option is IVF.
And you need Phoebe to stab you.
By midnight or my ovaries turn into a pumpkin.
Everything all right here?
We were just hanging out and talking.
I think what you're doing is brave but stay away from Tony.
Don't go there. Frump just got back,
and not to mention Zooey.
She wanted a normal friend night out.
You needed that, Jo, not them, you.
In the end, all I really wanted is for this to feel like
a home for everyone when the kids are here.
This place will never be their home.
You got it?
_
♪ ♪
The Goop team is really nice.
I'm telling you. You'd be surprised.
But no Gwyn, bummer.
We've been over this, Abby; no one calls her Gwyn.
I want to make Gwyn happen.
All right, Babs, we need more New York intel.
You are our official west coast website spy.
Sites are going bold.
My sense is we gotta up our game, our brand.
Take it to the next level. Maybe even revisit the conversation...
Oh, God, product licensing.
Yes, I know, you dream big.
Wait, like, "Lady Parts" water?
Ooh, "Lady Parts" chewing gum.
Wait, no, that sounds weird. Sorry.
Okay, ladies, you have a meeting and I gotta bounce
'cause I gotta get gussied up
for my "New York One" appearance.
All right, bye! Good luck.
Bye.
Oh, my God, that Barbara, she really pushes us, doesn't she?
Bold, big.
I guess there's no harm in revisiting
the whole product licensing thing.
Yes! I'll reach out to my contact at William Street Partners.
Great, fantastic.
And now, guess what it's time for.
Uh-oh. What?
I love this game.
- Go. - Revamp the homepage,
more interactive, brighter, more pop.
I love it. Go.
Something with up-and-coming innovators,
20-somethings who are making it happen.
Motto did that recently, but good, go.
Has anyone heard of The Fury?
[gasps] Wait.
Isn't she that bad-ass marathon runner?
Yeah. Tess Fury, buzz is building
that she's poised to be top woman at the LA Marathon,
beating out ladies way younger than her.
Wow, that's amazing. So are... what are you thinking?
- Sponsorship or? - Well, it speaks to our demographic.
- Yeah. - My aunt knows her trainer.
They... they climbed Everest together.
You need to get a line on The Fury,
and clearly, we need to do a story on your aunt.
Oh, my God, this is great. Yes, yes, yes.
♪ I need the dark to pull me to the light ♪
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --
♪ I need the stars to tell the day from... ♪
Our little egg farm, it's amazing!
I'm so proud of you, D.
Yeah, well, what can I say? I know how to grow 'em.
Twenty healthy eggs, that is huge.
It's microscopic, but it's huge.
That's about... It's above average.
Now, they have to get some UCLA grad's sperm, harvest 'em,
and make some embryos. That is so sci-fi.
It's like the pod cave scene from "Alien."
Thank you for that visual.
It's so exciting. You're part of the mom club.
- Oh, there's a club? - Both: Yeah.
Every other Thursday we get together
- at the South Pasadena Y. - No, it's not like that.
It's just something we all share. The rest of us...
Well, it sounds a little culty, huh.
That... but that's not what I meant.
All right, I'm gonna go to work.
Future career mom walking out of here.
Walking, walking, walking. Right.
Yeah, little miss hormonal gets hangry.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah. Oh, is that him?
What are you... you think every guy that walks in here
is my lunch date.
- That's him. - Chill out.
Oh, my God.
Wait, hold on, hold on, I think that's him.
Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.
Winner's gonna be your bits and pieces
when he has his way with you.
Stop it. It's a first date.
Oh, my gosh. Okay, how do I look?
Not a day over a million bucks. Go get him.
Thank you.
Byron?
- Phoebe? Hi. - Hi.
Hi, Phoebe. Nice to meet you.
You, too. Wow, your profile picture doesn't do you justice.
Oh, wow, thank you. That... that's sweet.
You, too. Guys usually post pictures
that are like five to ten years younger than they actually are.
Yeah, I actually go the other way and age my photos up.
- Oh. - Mm-hmm, Photoshop, yeah.
Diminished expectations. Smart.
- Yeah. - [laughs]
- Do you want to sit down? - Yeah, sure.
Okay, great.
- Hey, you two. - Hey.
How were the deliveries, my little delivery girl?
Good. Dad said I'm a better driver than you.
Oh.
Well, what? You gonna deny it?
- She does everything better than us. - True.
She did ask to make her first solo drive, FYI.
Well, she has her license. Had to happen eventually.
What are you doing tomorrow night?
I got an AA meeting tonight,
but Zooey and I talked about going to see a movie.
Big plans. I have plans with Albert.
- Plans with Albert. - Right.
Sure, plans. Hot date?
Well, I was hoping that she could stay with you
because he's... He's making me dinner
and there's gonna be candlelight and wine
and we were hoping we could get the place to ourselves.
Why am I still talking?
I have no idea.
But yeah, sure. That's fine.
We'll miss you. Tell Big Al I say... good luck.
- I will. - Yeah.
So, yeah, he pretty much said, "Pick me or your career."
- That's... - I mean, there's still a lot of love there,
but I think that was the point of no return for us.
I mean, it's really hard to come back from something like that.
Yeah.
That was marriage number three. [giggles]
Yeah, okay. Wow.
- I over-shared, didn't I? - What? No.
That was, um...
- informative. - I'm so sorry.
I don't usually move this fast.
It's just you seem really great,
and I feel really comfortable,
and... that stuff comes out eventually.
- Right? - Eventually?
Yeah. No, I don't... I realize we just met.
I know that. I just...
I really sometimes hate holding back the real for the chitchat.
It just feels phony.
I cannot stop talking.
Do you want some tea or coffee?
This is my friend's place so we can get you anything you want.
- Do you want a scone? - Oh, God.
Oh, no, Phoebe, this work thing just came up.
I-I have to... I'm so sorry.
- Oh, it's... - It's really great to meet you.
- Yes. - Just, um...
Super great to meet you, too.
- Great. - Yeah.
Yes, I'm finished. Thanks.
♪ Wide awake or are you dreaming? ♪
[sighs]
Mike!
Laina's aunt came through.
She got The Fury's trainer to bring her here
tomorrow night. What?
- Nicely done. - I know.
- I'm so excited. - Yeah, you are.
Why not the office?
She's a little anti-establishment,
- a bit of a rebel. - The Fury, clearly.
I know, makes me love her more.
So we thought my place, personal touch, low-key shindig.
Good job. I like.
Well, it'd be a better job
if I had someone here to speak fluent athlete with her.
Now, you really think
I want to go to Rancho Mirage for a corporate retreat?
Mm.
Well, yes, I kind of do, actually.
- Diabolical plans! - Whoa-ho-ho!
[laughter]
So this... this retreat,
is it the entire Dodgers organization or...
No, no Collette. She's up in Sacramento
coordinating the opening of the literacy center.
It's been a dream of hers, got a huge grant.
She's very passionate about it.
Well, she's a very passionate person.
That was a compliment.
Not the way you said it. She really upset you.
Yes, she was very threatening.
[French accent] This will never be their home.
She doesn't sound like that.
Well, it was menacing.
Hey, I'm sorry, again, that happened.
I know Collette can be intense.
Believe me, I was married to her.
Well, it was weeks ago. I'm over it.
I just... I need to stop being so dramatic.
Plus, you know what? This whole schedule with the kids,
the week on, week off, it's really good.
It's really working.
Actually, about the schedule,
Collette offered to come back early and take the kids.
- What? [laughs] You're gone one night. - Yeah, I thought about that,
but given everything you have happening with work
and your kids are at Jake's and now this party,
you shouldn't have to watch my kids by yourself.
- It's fine. I'm fine. - Okay, Superwoman.
Come on, this is our week. This is your shift.
It's your time, and they need that consistency.
They need the structure.
- You sure? - Yes.
I can juggle. Look at me.
I can juggle like a fothermucker.
I can't juggle. Don't look at... Look at the bird.
[giggles] Come here.
Did you pack your razor?
- Fothermucker. - [laughs]
How about sear-roasted duck breast
with grapefruit balsamic sauce?
Too fancy for Jo? You're right.
Maybe something more comfort food.
Meat loaf? Too simple?
Really? I'm helping you pick out dinner options
for your date night with Jo?
- Is this really happening right now? - Yeah. Look at us.
I'm going for top-tier romance,
yet down to earth and chill, still Jo.
Come on, D. Help me.
- You know her really well. - So do you.
You've been dating her forever.
- What is this? - Nothing.
Just... you're with someone for a while
and you have to step it up.
- Is that so? - [knock at door]
- Delia. - Hmm?
The call you're expecting is on line one.
Great.
So are we done here?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Duck, going with the duck.
Quack, quack.
Dr. Tyson, hi.
Yeah.
None of them were viable?
Okay.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Uh-huh.
That's right. We... just right back on that horse.
[laughs]
Okay, thank you. [clears throat]
Fractions are stupid.
There are no stupid fractions, only stupid people.
Hey, Simone, hands off.
Ash, I will help you with your homework before my gathering.
And don't forget, it's early to bed tonight.
- Remember, we talked about that. - Can I please come to the party?
Film it for my web series?
No. You have to finish "Of Mice and Men."
You have an essay due at the end of the week.
Oh, my God, that book. Kill me!
I know. It gets better, I promise.
Abby, I'm not tired.
Mom always lets me stay up on Wednesday nights for "Survivor."
Okay, well, that is her choice
and that is acceptable, but in this house,
we sleep before we have a big quiz.
"Survivor" will be on the DVR tomorrow.
Come on, let's go. Gather your things.
Don't forget it's your turn to do the dishes.
Don't make that face.
How many pages do you have to do?
- Three. - Three. I got it.
♪ Sometimes a good feeling just can't last ♪
[indistinct conversation]
Laina.
Have we heard from you know who?
I just got a text from Clay, the trainer.
They're on their way. - Okay.
You guys, hi.
- Hey. - Thank you so much for coming
so last minute. What are we talking about?
My sister was just regaling us
with the tale of her date yesterday.
Flop, major flop. Belly flop into death.
[laughs] What happened?
I just got lost in his big, beautiful eyes,
and I started blathering about everything.
Happens to me all the time.
Women, they just... You know, just get hypnotized.
- Oh, I can see that. - You know.
- I mean, check this out. - You're a powerful guy.
- Anyway... - Right, really rough.
- It's hard for me. - I bet.
What's happening with you? You okay?
Yeah, yeah, I'm fantastic.
Did she tell you about her eggs?
- No. - Wait. You got the results?
- Well... - How many?
It's really... It's not that big of a deal.
- Twenty, twenty healthy eggs. - Twenty?
- Yeah! - Oh, fertile Myrtle.
- So inappropriate. - That's amazing. What's next?
- What do you do now? - Well...
Well, you put the sperm in the egg
and a petri dish and they fertilize.
Can I get a word in, Phoebe?
Yeah.
Yeah, the next step is embryos.
So it takes a little time, you know, for those little swimmers
to work their way... Work their magic.
So, yeah, technology.
That's great. Well, keep us posted.
I definitely will. I'm gonna go get a drink.
- Excuse me. - Okay.
- I want 20 babies. - Okay.
[doorbell rings]
Oh, my God. That must be our guest of honor.
Hello, hello.
[indistinct conversations]
Tess, hi.
Nice to meet you. You must be Clay.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Our pleasure. It's on our way to dinner.
Dinner, yeah, dinner in the weeks leading up to a marathon.
What is that? Is that like all protein all the time?
Yeah, we're heading into the woods, killing a wild boar.
- Eating him raw. - Hilarious. [laughs] Boar.
[laughs nervously]
Well, come in.
Mm, oh.
Oh, Albert, sweetie,
holy wow, this duck,
it is so moist.
Is this orange?
- Grapefruit. - It's grapefruit, mm.
Yeah, it's moist as shit.
- Jo. - Mm.
- I could eat it all day... - Jo.
- And all night. - The duck is inedible.
You don't have to pretend.
Oh, thank God.
I could barely get it down.
I feel so sorry for the duck's family.
- [laughs] - Oh, my God!
- I know, I'm sorry. - Screw dinner.
No, I'm just happy I'm with my guy tonight.
Come here.
[cell phone horn honks]
Sorry.
[horn honks]
Oh, boy. [laughs]
Okay!
Where were we?
- Ordering pizza. - Get outta my head.
Come here.
- Mm, oh, my God. - [cell phone horn honks]
- Go. - Yeah.
[horn honks]
[sighs]
[horn honks]
What the hell, Frump? You know I'm...
What?
Oh, my God. Zooey!
Well, slow down. I need you to slow down.
Okay, I'll... I'll be right there.
- Jo, what happened? - They were in a car accident.
- Zooey's in the hospital. - What?
- Okay. Okay, okay. - We gotta go.
I'll drive. I'll drive.
All right.
It's all right.
Oh, shit.
What was your first race?
- An Iron-man. - Oh, wow.
It's hard.
So, you, you're this one's brother?
I am. Luckiest guy in the world.
Oh, that was sarcasm.
I don't know if you picked up on that, Tess,
but sarcasm. Be nice, Tony.
Quite a bit of sarcasm.
And are you in the art world, too, Tony?
- Nope. Telemarketing. - He's a salesman.
He works for a company that sells computer software.
He actually just got promoted.
We use so much computer software at "Lady Parts"...
- Yes. - On all of our computers.
That's our website, "Lady Parts."
And we love to tackle
- really provocative stories... - Provocative.
- And issues. - Issues.
Championing women is a top priority for us.
- Exactly. - 90% of our staff is female.
Yes. Oh, and only female-run companies...
- That, too. - Advertise with us.
It's amazing. It's so cutting edge.
No one does it.
There was a really interesting piece on doping.
- Right! - Yes, exactly.
- It was. - Okay, look.
I know that this is a bid for sponsorship.
Flattered, but not interested.
I just don't do corporate money. I don't believe in it.
All right. No offense.
No offense taken, absolutely no offense,
because that is so on brand for us.
On brand?
No, but not in like a corporate way.
We're not a corporation. We're an upstart company.
We're fly by the seat of our pants.
That sounds fierce really.
It does, but...
I can't be beholden to anyone.
It's my career. I call the shots.
Excuse me.
Um...
Simone, stop that. - What?
You have to do your paper.
- That marathon woman rocks. - [doorbell rings]
Well, you can't put that online.
Collette, hi.
What... I thought...
I thought you were in Sacramento.
Yeah, I flew in early.
I was hoping to...
- Where are my kids? - Uhhhh...
Okay, Asher is up in bed. I... he went to bed early
because he's got that big math quiz tomorrow.
Right, that's tomorrow, yes.
- Simone is... - Mom!
- Oh, hi. - Hi, honey.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were entertaining.
No, it's work. It's just work.
- Shouldn't you be... - I was doing homework.
Okay.
I made a new trailer for my web series.
Do you want to come see?
Oh, well, that's... that's...
That's up to Abby, honey.
Uh, um...
Yes, of course, please be my guest.
Check it out. - Okay.
♪ Wow! Gee! ♪
How's my baby?
Fine. She's... Well, she's upstairs.
- She's getting an MRI. - Yeah.
The doctor says she's got a concussion,
a few broken ribs. - Oh, Jesus.
Her arm's broken and the bones are gonna need to be reset.
Bones plural?
Oh, God. How are you?
Me? I'm... I'm fine, just some... some bumps
and bruises, but I'm... I'm fine.
Listen, Jo, she... She got really lucky.
- I know. - It could have been much, much worse.
She gave us a scare, but she's gonna be okay.
I know.
[cries]
Okay. It's okay. It's okay.
[cries]
Robert, you wanna?
No, I'm...
- I'm... I'm fine. - No, no, no.
- Come on. Come on. Group hug. - All right.
Oh, oh.
[upbeat music]
♪ Well, I got no time to talk all about it ♪
[indistinct conversations]
Excuse me.
- Hi. - Hey.
Can I offer you a glass of wine or something before you go?
- Sure. Sure, that... That'd be great. - Okay.
So what is the plan?
I just wanted to see my kids.
Right. Yes. It's Mike's week.
- Well, but Mike's not here. - He'll be here tomorrow.
Yeah, but they're my kids,
and you're insisting they stay here.
I didn't insist that they stay here.
I... you guys were out of town.
Well, I think it's pretty inappropriate,
and I know you want to play house here, Abby,
but you're not their mother.
I never said I was their mother.
I... and... and...
I'm not gonna have this conversation right now.
Enjoy your wine, enjoy the party.
[indistinct conversations]
- Are you okay? - Yep.
- Is that her? - Yes.
She is accusing me of trying to keep the kids from her.
[laughs]
They were out of town. I'm trying to help.
Maybe she just misses them too much.
Nope. No, she is crossing boundaries.
- Yeah. - So it's not cool.
There's literally no boundaries with this person.
[sighs]
Where's The Fury? Did she leave?
Nope. She's still here.
Okay. You know what?
She's the least of my problems right now.
I mean, I don't... Should I text Mike?
Should I tell him what's happening?
I feel like I should, but then I feel like I should
just deal with this myself.
I don't know the protocol with this one, I'm sorry.
But have you seen Delia anywhere?
Um...
Shit. Simone is literally interviewing guests now.
Jesus. Simone, upstairs, homework.
Let me stay. One more interview, please.
Here you are, hiding.
[clears throat]
[sighs] It's gotta be exhausting
lying to your friends like that, though.
You just needed a break.
What are you talking about?
Don't bullshit me.
The embryos.
It's a no go, huh?
Yeah.
Liars can always smell one of their own kind.
Okay, lying doesn't make you a liar.
Semantics.
So what is your lie?
- I don't have any at the moment. - No?
Well, my sister thinks I got promoted at work.
So there's that.
And what, they passed you up
for someone with a better criminal record?
Nope. Fired.
- Apparently I have an attitude problem. - Oh, and that's news to you?
[laughs]
Touché.
No, this is not happening.
Wow. Rejecting me again.
You're playing with fire.
- Yeah, well. - Yeah.
If there's no risk in getting burned,
where's the fun? - Oh, my God.
[laughs] Okay.
[laughs]
[indistinct conversations]
Okay, you have to stop having so much fun.
- I can't handle it. - [laughs]
I am jumping around inside, can't you tell?
I can totally tell.
Look, I'm sorry if I offended your friend earlier.
It wasn't my intention.
No. I mean, you're sticking to your guns, right?
So no one can fault you for that.
So no sponsorships, seriously? Ever?
Nope.
How do you make a living?
- I rob banks. - Oh, of course, yeah.
But seriously, I live cheaply. And I save.
I take quick jobs, train for the next race,
- and then start it all back over again. - Hmm.
- That's very nomadic. - Hmm.
- I feel that. - Yeah?
- Mm-hmm. - Your style, too?
Well, I grew up that way, but it caused me a lot of trouble,
so I got, well... but...
- Trouble? - Mm-hmm.
That's intriguing.
Yeah, I'm trying to stay more rooted now.
I am more rooted now.
Well, there's nothing wrong with that, roots.
Yeah.
For the record,
and I'm not trying to talk you into anything,
but what you said about calling the shots,
that is why Abby started the site.
What is that smile?
[laughs]
Come on, let's get some water.
- Asher. Asher. - Mom said I could!
Collette.
You've got to go.
- Aah! - Oh, my God.
I got this! Are you okay?
He literally fell one step.
Simone, there is no physical violence in this house.
That punk tried to steal my soda!
- Abby. - I don't care.
[indistinct argument]
Abby, back off. Come on, we're going home.
- Are you tripping? - This is their home, Collette.
- They live here, too. - They're my kids.
Go up and pack up your bags!
I understand they're your kids.
I am trying to keep them on a schedule
and keep them in a structure because that is what they need.
You're telling me what's good for them?
I am telling you that when they are here
I am responsible for them.
I am telling you that I know how hard it is
to watch somebody else parent your kids.
And I am telling you that I am just trying to do a good job.
For you.
- For me? - Yes, and for Mike
and for them.
This feels really disruptive.
Ash has a quiz in the morning.
He needs to get some sleep.
And...
Whatever, it's up to you. You're the mother so.
Yeah, that's right, I am the mom.
I'm gonna wait for them in the car.
[indistinct conversations]
Hi.
Good party. Thanks for coming.
We have... we have to get to that dinner.
Yeah, well...
It was nice meeting you, Abby.
Sorry to waste your time.
No, you didn't.
- I'm in. - You're in?
I'm in. I like how you handled yourself.
[laughs]
Feels like I can trust you.
- We gotta fly. - Okay.
- We'll be in touch. - I hope so.
We will.
No, Frump, it's all on the counter.
No, you have to take her to the nurse yourself.
I don't give a crap what Zooey says.
You're the father, grow a pair, [speaking foreign language].
[scoffs] Okay, hon.
Uh, give the kid a kiss for me. I'll see you tonight.
Bye.
- Hi. - Hey.
Hi.
- So how's our little invalid doing? - Uh, she's improving.
Uh, she's a little weird after the concussion,
but the doctor says that's to be normal...
- Mm-hmm. - After only a couple of weeks.
So I just have to be patient, which is so my strong suit.
Both: Ha!
Come here. I feel like I haven't seen you in days.
Yeah, probably because you haven't.
Yeah, thanks for understanding, Al.
I mean, you know, Zooey's recovery has been really...
- Overwhelming. I get it. - Yes. Yeah.
Which is why I have a surprise.
I booked us a room at the San Sebastian Ranch.
A sexy getaway, you and me.
- What do you say? - Oh, oh.
I say that sounds like a really sweet offer,
but the timing's a little off, don't you think?
Jo, come on.
Zooey's finally going back to school on Monday.
Yeah, but she...
She's still getting back into the swing of things,
and she needs help getting around
and, you know, keeping her meds on track.
And the marathon's coming up,
and the volume of this place is just gonna be through the roof.
The marathon is tomorrow.
We go Monday. Any other excuses?
Okay, what's with the sauciness?
I'm just... I'm frustrated, Jo, okay?
- I miss you. - I miss you, too.
But my kid's my first priority, you know that.
I do. At this point, I'd be happy with second.
Wait, what's that supposed to mean?
Just forget it. Forget the trip.
Call me when things settle down, huh?
Come on, Al, seriously? Are you kidding me?
Really?
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
This was good.
Like, knees buckle good.
We should try it at your office next time.
No, it is a little too risky.
I don't want to have to lie to my coworkers
about who you are.
You're pretty good at it.
Lying.
Whoa, sorry. Kidding.
But really, when is the next time?
You know, maybe this really wasn't a good idea,
this whole me and you.
You've been singing that same tune for the last two weeks.
We can't do this. We have to stop. Uh...
Who invited who over to their place after Abby's shindig?
Okay, fine. Let's just drop it.
Okay.
I thought you said you had a job interview.
Yeah.
They canceled.
Guess they ran a background check on me.
Oh, well.
You know, I could put in a good word for you
over at Legal Aid. I...
They're always looking for runners and file clerks
and things like that.
Don't need your charity, but thanks.
How long are you gonna keep lying to Phoebe?
Hmm?
I'm not the only one that's lying to her.
Don't miss me too much.
Later.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[knock on door]
Collette. What are you doing?
My kids ready?
Uh, uh-huh. Kids!
Your mom is here
at the door.
I thought we agreed on healthy boundaries,
that you were gonna wait in the car and text when you're here.
My phone died.
Sorry.
Well, you should charge your phone.
Thank you for the tip.
- Hey. - Hey.
- We okay? - Yeah.
- Her phone died. - My phone died.
I had to come up.
- She had to come up. - Mm-hmm.
Asher, Simone, come on!
[upbeat music]
- Hey, loves. - Get your bag. All right.
Let's go. We're late.
See ya.
This vibe is tense.
- It's all good, sweetheart. - Get outta here.
Have fun with your mom.
What?
I didn't say anything.
So the Cold War continues.
Oh!
Cold War. It sounds like Vietnam.
Yeah, I know, but you know what?
It is what it is, and I'm trying.
I just... I honestly don't know how to fix it at this point.
Ahh, right, boundaries.
- Boundaries are healthy. - Yeah.
Everybody knows that. Even Jake knows that.
Absolutely, love a good boundary.
Yes, but she hates them. Blatant disregard.
And how does Mike feel about everything?
He is frustrated with Collette,
and, you know, he just doesn't want it to affect the kids,
which, you know, that's fair.
- Hmm. - By the way,
one of the advantages of shared custody...
Mike's kids are with Collette tonight.
Lilly agreed to watch Charlie,
and so we have a sexy night out tonight,
which we desperately need.
- Jesus, so do I. - Aw.
You ready to get back online?
Yes, the self-imposed hiatus is officially over.
Are you done flagellating yourself?
- Done! - Now remember,
when the guy asks you, tell me a little bit about yourself,
what are you not gonna do?
- Don't be weird. - You... survey says
you're not gonna go on this long rambling diatribe
about the sad trail of broken marriages.
I am who I am. I am an open book.
I put it out there and if a guy can't appreciate that,
- then... - That's so true, Phoebe.
- I don't even know. - That is so true.
- [cell phone alert rings] - Delia's bailing.
- Again? - What is up with that girl?
She's been so distant lately.
I mean, I can barely get her to text me back.
When she does, those little reply bubbles come up
and then nada.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Abby, photo shoot time.
Yay. You guys want to check it out?
- Yeah. - Absolutely.
[indistinct conversations]
She looks constipated.
Do you want me to see if I can help?
- That would be so great. - Yeah?
Okay, hold that.
Tess, hey. Phoebe. Do you remember?
Yeah. Hi.
You look amazing.
Ooh, well, I feel great.
- Yeah? - No.
No.
- This is really awkward. - Yeah.
This is why I ditched the whole sponsorship thing.
- You know? - So you could call the shots.
Right?
So call them.
Well, I think that lady with the camera's calling them.
Um, okay.
I used to do this for a living.
So you loosen up.
Take control.
It is your God damn photo shoot.
[Bananarama's "Venus"]
♪ ♪
♪ Goddess on the mountain top ♪
♪ Burning like a silver flame ♪
♪ The summit of beauty and love ♪
♪ And Venus was her name ♪
You got it.
- Yeah. - Nice!
Yes! Whoo!
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, she's got it ♪
Yeah!
Yeah, move that thing.
♪ I'm your Venus ♪
Go, Venus!
That looks awesome!
Whoo!
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah ah-ah-ah ♪
Oh! [laughs]
How is your swirly girlie drink?
Wow, they are aggressive with their rum.
It's yummy.
So listen, before we put all our troubles behind us
and relax,
we should probably talk about what happened earlier.
- [sighs] - Collette.
- My favorite subject, yeah. - Yeah, and I know that my...
My shit with her is very stressful for you.
Hey, you didn't sign on for this.
Yes, I did.
It's just so loaded right now between me and Collette.
I'm with you, happy. And she's single and not.
It's just... it's messy
and fraught with...
Yeah, yeah, but we can't hide from the fact
that we keep putting up these boundaries
and she keeps just pushing past them.
I mean, she doesn't care.
The incident at the party, she disrespected me
in our home.
It's inappropriate. I'm with you.
But let's give these new boundaries a chance to...
No, but we have and it's not helping.
We both know that her phone was not dead today.
She made the choice to come to the door
because she wants to provoke me.
- Abby. - She doesn't respect me, Mike.
She doesn't respect my... My role with the children,
and it is creating a lot of stress for me.
I mean, I am dreading seeing her a week from now.
- You know, this is not gonna... - I'll talk with her.
It's time that Collette and I have a real conversation.
It's enough.
I've... we've had enough.
I think I can get through to her.
It's okay. We'll get through this.
Okay.
Thank you.
♪ I will wait for you until the sunshine turns my way ♪
♪ I, I, I ♪
Hey, my little healer, come here.
How'd it go with the doctor?
Huh? Did he give you the final go ahead?
To go back to school on Monday?
- Yeah. - Yep.
All good to go back to school.
Good night, I'm going to bed.
Night, pumpkin.
She's not excited to go back to school?
- Who's she? - I don't know.
Maybe it's the concussion.
Shit, can you imagine if she becomes an idiot?
What if she snaps and goes on a killing spree
like Charlize Theron in that movie "Monster"?
Oh, Jesus, you got way dark there.
Yeah, that's how I play.
- You want a drink? - Uh...
I have a nonalcoholic beer.
Thanks, I can't.
Nonalcoholic beer is for non-alcoholics.
Okay, it's either that or an off-brand flavored soda water.
Take your pick.
Now you're talking.
Okay.
[sighs]
She's really come around these past couple of weeks.
We done good.
Yeah.
You have.
Ah.
No, I'm just trying to keep up.
I mean it, Jo. You've always been a really good caretaker.
No, you really pulled your weight with her,
and I appreciate it.
- Hmm. - What?
Uh, nothing.
Well, it's just sometimes when you say nice stuff to me
it feels kinda weird.
Don't get used to that kindness, you piece of shit.
- Yeah, there you go. - You in your comfort zone?
- That was very comforting. - Good.
It's kind of like a white noise machine
- with the baby. - Oh, wow.
You've called me some weird-ass shit before in the past,
but white noise machine, I mean, that's the weirdest-ass...
♪ I just like my life the way it is ♪
♪ And I don't want to give it up ♪
♪ I just want to be... ♪
Oh, my God, what the hell did we just do?
- Oh, Jo, I'm sorry. - What the hell was that?
- Jo, I... - What was that?
- I... I'm sorry. - Oh, my God.
Okay, I don't know. You need to leave.
- Jo. - Get... get outta here.
Just go. Go. Go, go, go.
♪ I just want to be reckless ♪
♪ 'Cause we're no longer in love ♪
♪ Unh-unh ♪
♪ I just like my life the way it is ♪
♪ And I don't want to give it up ♪
♪ I just want to be reckless ♪
♪ 'Cause we're no longer in love ♪
[cheering]
♪ I just like my life the way it is ♪
♪ And I don't want to give it up ♪
♪ I just want to be reckless ♪
Hi, I see that you're with the "Lady Parts" contingent.
Yes. I'm Abby McCarthy. I'm one of the founders.
Oona Falcone, William Street Partners.
Oh, you're the brand licensing company.
That's right.
Congrats on Tess Fury.
It's an exciting day for your site.
Thank you. We are really thrilled for her.
Can I introduce you to my business partner?
She's a huge "Lady Parts" fan.
Yes, that is... yes.
I'll be back.
Well, that's great. Abby's chick won.
Can we go now?
Delia.
What?
I came. I'm here. I'm being supportive.
You have been sour all morning.
Oh, my God.
No, I mean, I know you're hiding something from me.
So just out with it.
I don't have any viable embryos.
- What? - Yeah, zip, zilch, none.
Twenty eggs just all failure to launch.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's, you know, okay.
I'm just... it's not... I can't do it.
It's not gonna happen for me, the mommy thing.
I'm not meant to be part of your little club.
Hey, stop it. Delia, you are an amazing woman.
You take care of your friends.
You are loyal. You're loving.
You're protective.
- Yeah? - Yes.
[indistinct conversations]
Do you want to just get out of here?
No, it...
Look, you stay.
I'll just... I'll go just get some work done.
A little A/C.
Good as new.
- Okay. - Okay.
[indistinct conversations]
[sighs]
Tess, Tess, thanks.
_
[Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl"]
♪ ♪
Tess, how does it feel?
It feels great.
You know, I set out for this and I got it.
So I'm gonna take about a month off now
and then I'll get back into it so.
[indistinct reporter questions]
Is there anything that's inspired you...
Excuse me. Excuse me.
♪ She's the queen of the neighborhood... ♪
Congratulations, Tess!
♪ She's got the hottest dyke in town ♪
♪ That girl... ♪
Great job, Fury!
Fury, this way!
♪ I think I wanna be her best friend yeah ♪
♪ Rebel girl, rebel girl ♪
♪ Rebel girl you are the queen of my world ♪
♪ Rebel Girl, Rebel Girl ♪
♪ I think I wanna take you home ♪
♪ I wanna try on your clothes ♪
♪ ♪
Hey, any comments? Any comments?
- What just happened? - Who is that?
[indistinct chatter]
[cell phone rings]
[sighs]
Tony, you home?
[phone ringing]
Hello.
Yes, hello, Mr. Wiggins. How are you?
Good. No, no my brother is not home.
What? What do... What do you mean?
[scoffs]
I'm here. Did you get my message?
Where are you? I can't see you.
I'm in a sea of giant sequoias.
I'm literally standing right here in the middle.
Oh, excuse me.
My God, it's like tall people drink free day.
What did you want to talk about?
San Sebastian.
- What about it? - Let's do it. Let's go.
- You sure? - Yeah.
- I thought you said it was a bad time. - No, it's a perfect time.
You and me tomorrow, let's go together.
- We'll run off. - BOTH: Yay!
- Right? - Aw.
Yeah.
Phoebs!
Hey, how was the race?
I know.
You got fired.
Three weeks ago. - Phoebe.
You know, I'm trying to give you space,
but it's really hard when you start lying to me...
- I'm sorry. - And screwing up...
- I don't want to. - And flailing around.
I didn't even like that job anyway.
It's a job, Tony. It's somewhere to start.
Come on, Phoebs, the pressure,
- it's getting really old. - The pressure.
I'm supporting you, Tony.
Okay, look,
I'm sorry I lied.
I am, but sometimes I feel like
you're just breathing down my neck.
Wow.
What's this about? Delia?
She tell you about us, too?
What are you talking about?
- Both: Hey! - Heard about your big win.
- Congrats. - Oh, my God, this day.
You're not even gonna believe who I met.
Abby.
Let me just paint a picture for you.
So I am at the race, we're, like, cheering.
We're cheering, she's won. Yay!
And then this woman leans over to talk to me...
Abby, we need to talk.
- Yes, but I just want to tell you... - I heard your cool runner lady won.
Hi. You guys are here.
- They're here. - They are.
Ab, can you get me a one-on-one with The Fury
for my show, an in-depth?
Yes, of course. Why not?
When are Charlie and Lilly home?
Lilly just went to pick up Charlie from a sleepover.
Dad said we could order Chinese food, FYI.
Yeah, yeah, that would be... Chinese is great.
Kids are here.
Yeah, so I had a talk with her, Collette.
Laid it out, told her she needed to respect you,
our house, your relationship with the kids,
and it got heated.
It was a little messy, but in the end,
she agreed.
Thank you. That is great.
But then why are the... the kids here?
Well, she's leaving.
She got an opportunity to move up to Sacramento for a time,
oversee the launch of that literacy center.
Wow, that's amazing, but what does that mean?
Well, we get the kids full time.
Yeah.
Mike, I was never trying to push Collette out.
No, I know you weren't. She... she's a grown woman. This is her decision.
Yeah, but when are the kids even gonna see their mom?
Holidays, weekends, every other month, I don't know.
We don't know yet, but it'll all be fine.
You and I, we'll figure this out.
We... we got this.
Ash, do not touch my phone!
That is my everything. I will murder you!
[glass shatters]
[Pussy Riot's "Straight Outta Vagina"]
We got this.
♪ ♪
♪ Does your vagina have a brand? ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Let your vagina start a band ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If your vagina lands in prison ♪
♪ Then the world is gonna listen ♪
♪ Riot ♪
♪ Don't play stupid, don't play dumb ♪
♪ Vagina's where you're really from ♪
♪ Where you from? Where you from? ♪
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --