1
00:00:02,789 --> 00:00:04,556
But I think, by the
end of the honeymoon,
2
00:00:04,624 --> 00:00:07,092
we really started to feel
like a married couple.
3
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,094
But the good kind,
like on TV,
4
00:00:09,162 --> 00:00:11,496
not like my parents.
- Yeah.
5
00:00:11,565 --> 00:00:13,142
You're not a real married couple
until you can pee
6
00:00:13,166 --> 00:00:15,400
with the door open
and she's okay with it.
7
00:00:16,636 --> 00:00:19,104
I told you, I'm
not okay with it.
8
00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:21,606
She loves it.
9
00:00:21,675 --> 00:00:25,276
So, we got everybody gifts.
10
00:00:25,345 --> 00:00:26,578
Aw.
11
00:00:27,748 --> 00:00:29,214
Did you forget about us
12
00:00:29,282 --> 00:00:31,149
until you were at the airport?
13
00:00:31,218 --> 00:00:32,417
No.
14
00:00:32,486 --> 00:00:34,786
We forgot about you
until we were on the plane.
15
00:00:34,955 --> 00:00:36,120
Luckily,
there was Wi-Fi,
16
00:00:36,189 --> 00:00:37,956
and I have Amazon Prime.
17
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:41,192
I heart New York.
18
00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:44,128
Aw, the baby's gonna love
throwing up on this.
19
00:00:44,197 --> 00:00:46,331
Look, it doesn't have
to just be New York.
20
00:00:46,399 --> 00:00:47,632
That's the beauty of it.
21
00:00:47,701 --> 00:00:50,735
Uh, the initials "N.Y."
can stand for anything you like.
22
00:00:50,804 --> 00:00:52,315
For instance, I
understand that there is
23
00:00:52,339 --> 00:00:54,672
an elderly rock-and-roll
musician named Neil Young.
24
00:00:54,741 --> 00:00:56,274
Perhaps you heart him.
25
00:00:56,343 --> 00:00:59,811
Or if not him, Egyptian
table tennis silver medalist
26
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,813
Noha Yossry.
27
00:01:01,882 --> 00:01:03,081
Or Nana Yamaguchi,
28
00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:05,083
the Japanese voice actress
29
00:01:05,151 --> 00:01:07,719
who starred in
Sally the Witch.
30
00:01:07,787 --> 00:01:10,255
Did you just Google
the initials "N.Y."?
31
00:01:10,323 --> 00:01:11,756
I had Wi-Fi and a
long plane flight.
32
00:01:11,825 --> 00:01:13,625
Draw your own
conclusions.
33
00:01:13,693 --> 00:01:17,762
Well, guys, that was very,
very thoughtful of you. I...
34
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:22,901
Did you get me a double XL?
35
00:01:22,969 --> 00:01:24,421
- I told you.
- You were right, dear.
36
00:01:24,422 --> 00:01:27,422
♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x02 ♪
The Wedding Gift Wormhole
Original Air Da
37
00:01:27,423 --> 00:01:30,541
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
38
00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:33,411
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
39
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,079
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
40
00:01:35,148 --> 00:01:37,782
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
41
00:01:37,851 --> 00:01:40,285
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
42
00:01:40,353 --> 00:01:42,987
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
43
00:01:43,056 --> 00:01:44,889
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
44
00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:46,524
♪ Bang! ♪
45
00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:53,525
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
46
00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:58,800
Sheldon, that's not how
you write a thank you card.
47
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,335
What's wrong with it?
48
00:02:00,404 --> 00:02:02,504
"Dear Aunt Helen,
49
00:02:02,572 --> 00:02:04,973
"thank you so much for
the lovely place setting.
50
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,841
"If my handwriting
looks strained,
51
00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:09,044
"that is because this is
the 16th thank you card
52
00:02:09,112 --> 00:02:11,713
"Amy has forced me to write.
53
00:02:11,782 --> 00:02:14,449
"The muscles in my
wrist are cramping
54
00:02:14,518 --> 00:02:17,986
"as I struggle to
finish this sentence.
55
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,988
"Ow, ow, oh, the pain.
56
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:22,190
Love, Sheldon."
57
00:02:22,259 --> 00:02:24,626
Fine.
58
00:02:24,695 --> 00:02:26,628
"And Amy."
59
00:02:27,698 --> 00:02:29,564
Ow.
60
00:02:29,633 --> 00:02:32,567
This one is from
Leonard and Penny.
61
00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:33,735
Aw.
62
00:02:33,804 --> 00:02:36,671
"The perfect gift for
the perfect couple."
63
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,607
Save that card. We may need
to throw it back in their faces.
64
00:02:40,711 --> 00:02:42,043
I wonder what it could be.
65
00:02:42,112 --> 00:02:43,645
Oh, could be anything.
66
00:02:43,714 --> 00:02:45,914
A flute, a letter opener,
67
00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:47,048
one of those pens
68
00:02:47,117 --> 00:02:49,651
where you put the bikini
back on the naked lady.
69
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,087
Oh.
70
00:02:52,155 --> 00:02:54,556
Isn't this nice?
71
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:58,326
What is it?
72
00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,928
You know, it's, uh,
73
00:02:59,996 --> 00:03:01,930
it's one of those...
74
00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:07,235
Nope, doesn't do that.
75
00:03:07,304 --> 00:03:08,570
Oh, maybe it's candy.
76
00:03:08,638 --> 00:03:11,072
Lick it.
77
00:03:11,141 --> 00:03:13,241
I don't want to
lick it. You lick it.
78
00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:15,577
I'm not gonna lick it.
I just brushed my teeth.
79
00:03:15,645 --> 00:03:17,846
Is it from one of
your dumb sci-fi shows?
80
00:03:17,914 --> 00:03:20,682
Uh, none of the sci-fi shows
I watch are dumb.
81
00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:23,251
- Sheldon...
- Okay, Westworld.
82
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:24,797
But this has nothing
to do with that show,
83
00:03:24,821 --> 00:03:27,088
other than it's
also inexplicable.
84
00:03:27,157 --> 00:03:28,735
Well, Leonard and Penny
are our best friends.
85
00:03:28,759 --> 00:03:30,091
They know us
better than anyone.
86
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,860
They said it's
the perfect gift.
87
00:03:31,928 --> 00:03:34,028
We must be
missing something.
88
00:03:41,338 --> 00:03:42,404
You don't...
89
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:46,508
think it's a marital
aid, do you?
90
00:03:48,111 --> 00:03:49,344
Don't be silly.
91
00:03:49,413 --> 00:03:53,515
Amy, how is this big glass shaft
going to aid our marriage?
92
00:03:57,521 --> 00:03:58,987
Do you think
when Krypto the Superdog
93
00:03:59,055 --> 00:04:01,523
is out flying,
Superman has to fly after him
94
00:04:01,591 --> 00:04:03,458
with a little baggie?
95
00:04:03,527 --> 00:04:06,528
Hmm. Haven't really
thought about it before.
96
00:04:06,596 --> 00:04:08,129
But he doesn't
need a baggie,
97
00:04:08,198 --> 00:04:12,033
because he just blasts the
poop with his heat vision.
98
00:04:12,102 --> 00:04:13,468
You've thought about it before.
99
00:04:13,537 --> 00:04:15,217
Oh, I've thought about it a lot.
(chuckles)
100
00:04:15,272 --> 00:04:16,438
(chuckles)
101
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,845
What is wrong
with Stuart's face?
102
00:04:23,914 --> 00:04:26,714
I think he's smiling.
103
00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:29,617
Oh, my God, are
they flirting?
104
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,219
Oh, they're
way past flirting.
105
00:04:31,288 --> 00:04:34,222
I caught them making out
at Sheldon's wedding.
106
00:04:34,291 --> 00:04:38,626
Are you sure she wasn't trying
to breathe life back into him?
107
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,695
I don't think so.
108
00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,307
When I used that much tongue
at CPR training,
109
00:04:41,331 --> 00:04:44,332
I had to buy the dummy.
110
00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:45,800
Ooh, I have class.
111
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:46,801
I should go.
112
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,169
Oh. Okay.
113
00:04:48,238 --> 00:04:50,038
- Bye.
- Bye.
114
00:04:50,106 --> 00:04:51,206
(chuckles)
115
00:04:56,746 --> 00:04:58,513
(both chuckle)
116
00:04:58,582 --> 00:05:00,515
See ya, guys.
117
00:05:00,584 --> 00:05:02,517
- Bye.
- Bye.
118
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:05,687
So, what's her deal?
119
00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:08,790
Is she into you or does
she just hate her parents?
120
00:05:08,859 --> 00:05:09,791
I-I don't know.
121
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:12,160
We kissed a little
at the wedding,
122
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,495
and it was great.
123
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,241
But we haven't really talked
about it since then.
124
00:05:15,265 --> 00:05:17,699
So I-I don't know
how she feels about me.
125
00:05:17,767 --> 00:05:19,434
Well, she patted you
on the head,
126
00:05:19,503 --> 00:05:22,837
so I'm guessing she feels
like you're such a good boy!
127
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,739
(chuckles)
128
00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:27,175
Seriously, do you think
I should ask her out?
129
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,643
A-Absolutely.
130
00:05:28,712 --> 00:05:30,245
Don't let love get away.
131
00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:33,281
It is the most important thing
in the world.
132
00:05:33,350 --> 00:05:35,016
Without it,
life is
133
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,352
dark and meaningless
and all you're left with
134
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,020
is the judgmental gaze
of your dog
135
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:42,824
as you finish off a bag
of Doritos on the toilet.
136
00:05:42,893 --> 00:05:44,392
Thanks.
137
00:05:44,461 --> 00:05:46,661
You're a real good pal.
138
00:05:47,797 --> 00:05:50,098
And now you're
a good boy!
139
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,501
(smooches)
140
00:05:57,841 --> 00:05:59,218
I can't stop thinking
about that present.
141
00:05:59,242 --> 00:06:00,475
It's driving me crazy.
142
00:06:00,544 --> 00:06:01,743
Me, too!
143
00:06:01,811 --> 00:06:03,745
The card said it was
the perfect gift.
144
00:06:03,813 --> 00:06:06,814
But it's not a dinosaur fossil
or matching pocket watches,
145
00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:09,317
so I don't see
how it can be.
146
00:06:09,386 --> 00:06:10,652
Maybe we're trying too hard.
147
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,220
Maybe it's something simple.
148
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,432
(gasps) Like
Leonard and Penny.
149
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,123
Yes, good.
150
00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,292
We just need to
think like them.
151
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,761
(inhales, exhales)
Okay.
152
00:06:19,829 --> 00:06:22,764
What gift can I get us
153
00:06:22,832 --> 00:06:28,169
to express how grateful we are
to have us in their lives?
154
00:06:28,238 --> 00:06:30,405
Way to make it simple.
155
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,706
I'm just gonna ask them.
156
00:06:31,775 --> 00:06:34,242
No, you can't;
it'll hurt their feelings.
157
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,877
I'm okay with that.
158
00:06:35,946 --> 00:06:37,323
And they'll know
you weren't smart enough
159
00:06:37,347 --> 00:06:38,613
to figure it out
on your own.
160
00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:41,215
You're right.
Oh, this is awful.
161
00:06:41,284 --> 00:06:43,284
And I can't even comfort
myself by stroking
162
00:06:43,353 --> 00:06:46,788
the fossilized tibia
of a Pentaceratops.
163
00:06:46,856 --> 00:06:48,389
Let's just go to sleep.
164
00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,391
We'll look at it in the morning
with fresh eyes,
165
00:06:50,460 --> 00:06:51,726
and maybe it'll come to us.
166
00:06:51,795 --> 00:06:52,795
Fine.
167
00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:02,070
Or we go tear apart that box
and look for a clue.
168
00:07:02,138 --> 00:07:04,472
Staying up past my bedtime
and solving mysteries?
169
00:07:04,541 --> 00:07:06,341
Who knew married life
could be this good?
170
00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:15,550
What's wrong
with his face?
171
00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,418
A lot of people have
been asking that.
172
00:07:17,487 --> 00:07:19,053
He's... smiling.
173
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,924
Hey, Stuart,
you look pretty happy.
174
00:07:22,993 --> 00:07:24,192
Oh, yeah.
175
00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,527
I, uh, asked Denise out
on a date,
176
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:27,906
and she said yes.
177
00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:30,099
Aw.
That's great.
178
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:32,033
But don't smile like that
in front of Halley.
179
00:07:32,102 --> 00:07:34,402
She just started sleeping
through the night.
180
00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:36,070
Sorry. I'm excited.
181
00:07:36,139 --> 00:07:39,340
I haven't been on a date
in a long time.
182
00:07:39,409 --> 00:07:40,929
Back when I was dating,
I'd always wear
183
00:07:40,977 --> 00:07:42,777
a new pair of underwear,
just in case.
184
00:07:42,846 --> 00:07:46,147
It's also been a long time
since I bought new underwear.
185
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,482
And I probably should,
186
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:51,686
because these are no longer
tighty nor whitey.
187
00:07:51,755 --> 00:07:53,087
Okay, I'm out.
188
00:07:54,858 --> 00:07:56,636
If there's a chance
someone's gonna see you naked,
189
00:07:56,660 --> 00:08:00,228
it's also polite to make sure
you're well-groomed down there.
190
00:08:00,296 --> 00:08:03,031
I get it, Howard.
I've been busy!
191
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,635
Hello.
192
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,137
- Hey.
- I just wanted
193
00:08:09,205 --> 00:08:12,073
to pop over and hand-deliver
this thank you note
194
00:08:12,142 --> 00:08:14,709
for your very thoughtful wedding gift.
PENNY: Oh.
195
00:08:14,778 --> 00:08:16,177
Oh, good. You
guys liked it?
196
00:08:16,246 --> 00:08:19,380
Well, we liked it a lot more
than things that aren't it,
197
00:08:19,449 --> 00:08:21,182
I'll tell you that.
198
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,450
Well, yeah, that's great.
199
00:08:22,519 --> 00:08:24,397
Because when we saw it,
we thought, "Amy and Sheldon
200
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,720
just have to have that."
201
00:08:25,789 --> 00:08:27,522
Oh, do tell.
Now, paint a picture for me,
202
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,390
like where you were
when you found it
203
00:08:29,459 --> 00:08:32,360
and what you thought
we'd enjoy doing with it.
204
00:08:34,164 --> 00:08:35,730
Do you not know what it is?
205
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:36,898
PENNY:
Of course he knows
206
00:08:36,966 --> 00:08:40,301
what it is. He's
the smartest man in the world.
207
00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:42,904
Well, I don't know
about the world.
208
00:08:42,972 --> 00:08:45,840
Some of those Chinese fellas
are pretty clever.
209
00:08:45,909 --> 00:08:47,842
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going
210
00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:49,911
to return home and use your gift
211
00:08:49,979 --> 00:08:52,547
in the manner
which it was intended.
212
00:08:55,085 --> 00:08:56,085
(laughing)
213
00:08:56,152 --> 00:08:57,552
He-He's never gonna
figure it out.
214
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,554
I know.
(thumping)
215
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,656
SHELDON:
What are you?!
216
00:09:02,659 --> 00:09:04,926
- Gosh, this makes me happy.
- Yeah.
217
00:09:04,994 --> 00:09:06,027
(laughs)
218
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,398
Howard, I don't
often say this,
219
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,200
but, good, you're here. Now,
220
00:09:12,268 --> 00:09:14,035
do you know
221
00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:16,437
what Leonard and Penny got
us for our wedding gift?
222
00:09:16,506 --> 00:09:17,616
- Well...
- (stammers) Don't answer.
223
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,706
I don't want to know.
224
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,408
I just want to
know if you know.
225
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,809
- I do know.
- Okay, great.
226
00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:24,345
I believe that Amy and
I have figured it out.
227
00:09:24,414 --> 00:09:26,681
Is it a clue to
a scavenger hunt
228
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:29,217
that will lead us
to the actual present?
229
00:09:29,285 --> 00:09:30,685
If you're asking
230
00:09:30,754 --> 00:09:33,154
if you and Amy should spend
the next couple days
231
00:09:33,223 --> 00:09:35,690
running all over town searching
for the next clue,
232
00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:38,726
I'm gonna have to say yes.
233
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:39,727
I knew it!
234
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,229
This is so much fun.
235
00:09:41,297 --> 00:09:43,598
Oh, it really is.
(chuckles)
236
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,266
Oh, Leonard,
thank you again.
237
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,302
- We love the gift.
- Aw.
238
00:09:48,371 --> 00:09:49,537
Does he know what it is?
239
00:09:49,606 --> 00:09:50,705
No, not even close.
240
00:09:50,774 --> 00:09:52,607
He thinks it's a clue
to a scavenger hunt.
241
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:53,875
(laughs)
242
00:09:53,943 --> 00:09:56,244
So, so happy.
243
00:09:56,312 --> 00:09:58,045
Well, what is it?
What did you give them?
244
00:09:58,114 --> 00:10:00,515
Oh, i-it's just this
dumb crystal wand
245
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:03,084
that Howard and Bernadette
gave us for our wedding.
246
00:10:03,153 --> 00:10:04,685
Penny and I
made each other miserable
247
00:10:04,754 --> 00:10:06,687
trying to figure out
what it was, and we thought,
248
00:10:06,756 --> 00:10:10,625
"Why not pass that fun along
to Sheldon and Amy."
249
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,093
Wait a minute. Did--
250
00:10:12,162 --> 00:10:14,428
did you give them the
crystal chakra wand
251
00:10:14,497 --> 00:10:16,597
that I gave you
for your wedding?
252
00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:21,102
Yeah, that's exactly
what we did.
253
00:10:21,171 --> 00:10:23,638
You said you liked it!
254
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,973
Yeah, that's exactly
what I said.
255
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,261
Wow. A scavenger hunt.
256
00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:38,330
That's exciting.
257
00:10:38,398 --> 00:10:40,799
I had a bit of a scavenger hunt
myself last night.
258
00:10:40,868 --> 00:10:42,108
I was trying
to find the remote.
259
00:10:42,135 --> 00:10:44,469
I looked under
one of the cushions.
260
00:10:44,538 --> 00:10:45,937
Wasn't there.
261
00:10:46,006 --> 00:10:48,139
Then I lifted the cushion
a little higher.
262
00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:50,175
Bingo.
263
00:10:50,244 --> 00:10:52,177
Riveting.
264
00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:54,779
So, do you know what it is?
265
00:10:54,848 --> 00:10:56,648
Of course I know what it is.
266
00:10:56,717 --> 00:10:59,851
It's a silicon dioxide crystal,
otherwise known as quartz.
267
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,087
Are you sure?
268
00:11:02,155 --> 00:11:06,024
Am I sure? Is basalt a mafic
extrusive igneous rock formed
269
00:11:06,093 --> 00:11:09,227
by the rapid cooling
of magnesium and iron-rich lava?
270
00:11:09,296 --> 00:11:11,196
Yeah, I'm sure.
271
00:11:11,265 --> 00:11:13,431
Okay, so it's quartz.
272
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,000
That's got
to mean something.
273
00:11:15,068 --> 00:11:16,568
What do we know
about quartz?
274
00:11:16,637 --> 00:11:17,769
I'll Google it.
275
00:11:17,838 --> 00:11:19,804
Or you can ask me, the geologist
276
00:11:19,873 --> 00:11:21,673
who won the MacArthur
Genius Grant.
277
00:11:21,742 --> 00:11:24,276
Got it!
278
00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:26,478
Quartz, from the
German "quarz"
279
00:11:26,546 --> 00:11:29,648
which sounds the same, but
is spelled without a "T".
280
00:11:29,716 --> 00:11:33,285
Interesting. No "T".
281
00:11:33,353 --> 00:11:35,720
What is not "T"?
282
00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:37,389
Coffee!
283
00:11:37,457 --> 00:11:39,858
The coffee shop
where we first met!
284
00:11:39,927 --> 00:11:42,594
All right, let's go.
Sorry.
285
00:11:42,663 --> 00:11:46,398
I think I just had an adrenaline
rush from having visitors.
286
00:11:49,770 --> 00:11:53,405
Hey, Raj, will you, um,
smell something for me?
287
00:11:53,473 --> 00:11:55,273
Uh, that depends.
288
00:11:55,342 --> 00:11:57,976
Actually, it doesn't depend.
Just no.
289
00:11:58,045 --> 00:12:01,713
I'm trying out some new colognes
for my date with Denise.
290
00:12:01,782 --> 00:12:03,148
Oh, and you just came over here
291
00:12:03,216 --> 00:12:04,998
to rub it in my face
that you have a date?
292
00:12:05,022 --> 00:12:05,785
No.
293
00:12:05,786 --> 00:12:07,619
I came over here
because I need advice,
294
00:12:07,688 --> 00:12:10,555
and you've gone out with
more women than anybody I know.
295
00:12:10,624 --> 00:12:12,490
Huh. I guess you're right.
296
00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:15,160
Sheldon's the smart one,
Howard's the funny one,
297
00:12:15,228 --> 00:12:17,996
and apparently,
I'm the ladies' man.
298
00:12:18,065 --> 00:12:19,731
Which one's Leonard?
299
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:20,966
Oh, yeah, right.
300
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:22,701
I guess Leonard's
the forgettable one.
301
00:12:22,769 --> 00:12:24,569
Okay, let's have a whiff.
302
00:12:24,638 --> 00:12:26,438
Oh.
303
00:12:26,506 --> 00:12:29,841
(sniffs)
Hmm. Smells like Paco Rabanne.
304
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:32,243
Ooh, you're good.
I bought it at a swap meet.
305
00:12:32,312 --> 00:12:34,846
It's actually called
"Smells Like Paco Rabanne."
306
00:12:34,915 --> 00:12:36,848
It's great.
She's gonna love it.
307
00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:38,416
I hope so.
308
00:12:38,485 --> 00:12:41,519
I really like Denise, and I
don't want to screw this up.
309
00:12:41,588 --> 00:12:43,121
Hey, relax.
310
00:12:43,190 --> 00:12:45,590
Trust your instincts.
That's what I do.
311
00:12:46,693 --> 00:12:48,660
And that works for you?
312
00:12:50,764 --> 00:12:53,665
Actually... no.
313
00:12:55,335 --> 00:12:57,268
I've made a mess of my life,
and I'm...
314
00:12:57,337 --> 00:12:59,437
I'm all alone.
315
00:13:03,443 --> 00:13:05,944
Okay, I think
it'd be best for both of us
316
00:13:06,013 --> 00:13:09,180
if I pretend to get
a phone call and just walk away.
317
00:13:10,283 --> 00:13:12,550
Yeah, that would be best.
318
00:13:12,619 --> 00:13:15,320
Hello. This is Stuart.
319
00:13:15,389 --> 00:13:17,355
(whispering):
Sorry. I got to take this.
320
00:13:19,126 --> 00:13:21,459
Uh, why, yes, I'd
love to take a survey.
321
00:13:26,366 --> 00:13:28,466
Okay, this is where
we first met.
322
00:13:28,535 --> 00:13:30,095
There's got to be a clue
here somewhere.
323
00:13:30,137 --> 00:13:31,536
(gasps) We sat at that table.
324
00:13:33,607 --> 00:13:35,473
Excuse me.
325
00:13:35,542 --> 00:13:37,308
I'm sorry.
We're on a scavenger hunt.
326
00:13:37,377 --> 00:13:38,543
Just pretend
we're not here.
327
00:13:38,612 --> 00:13:39,544
Oh, I found something!
328
00:13:39,613 --> 00:13:40,613
(shrieks)
It's gum.
329
00:13:44,251 --> 00:13:45,884
Maybe they left it
behind the counter.
330
00:13:45,952 --> 00:13:50,255
I met my wife here,
and we sat at this very table,
331
00:13:50,323 --> 00:13:52,390
so if you play your cards right,
in eight years,
332
00:13:52,459 --> 00:13:53,691
you could marry this woman.
333
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,527
That's my sister.
334
00:13:57,731 --> 00:13:59,531
Well, don't tell people.
That's not okay.
335
00:14:01,768 --> 00:14:04,269
Sheldon, look,
I asked the barista
336
00:14:04,337 --> 00:14:05,703
if anyone
left anything for us,
337
00:14:05,772 --> 00:14:08,006
and she said to look
in this lost and found box.
338
00:14:08,075 --> 00:14:10,175
But why would it be in
the lost and found box?
339
00:14:10,243 --> 00:14:14,946
Because we were lost,
and then we found each other.
340
00:14:15,015 --> 00:14:17,415
It makes perfect sense.
341
00:14:17,484 --> 00:14:19,951
Oh. And look at this.
342
00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:21,386
A locket.
343
00:14:21,455 --> 00:14:23,755
And that stone in front--
I bet it's quartz.
344
00:14:23,824 --> 00:14:25,757
This must be it. This
must be the actual gift.
345
00:14:25,826 --> 00:14:26,891
Open it up.
What's inside?
346
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,594
Nothing. It's empty.
347
00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:31,596
Of course.
348
00:14:31,665 --> 00:14:33,465
Our life together
is just starting,
349
00:14:33,533 --> 00:14:36,101
and they want us to fill
it with our memories.
350
00:14:36,169 --> 00:14:41,206
This might be
the best wedding gift ever.
351
00:14:41,274 --> 00:14:43,308
(gasps) They also left us
a pair of sunglasses
352
00:14:43,376 --> 00:14:45,410
because our
future's so bright!
353
00:14:47,814 --> 00:14:49,714
They thought of everything!
354
00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:55,120
Oh.
355
00:14:55,188 --> 00:14:56,454
Look what Halley drew.
356
00:14:56,523 --> 00:14:58,123
Yeah, she made it at daycare.
357
00:14:58,191 --> 00:14:59,424
It's pretty good, huh?
358
00:14:59,493 --> 00:15:02,127
Is it?
359
00:15:02,195 --> 00:15:05,130
Wow. Gentile moms are tough.
360
00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:07,732
(knocking on door)
361
00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:10,668
STUART: Guys, I need
to show you something,
362
00:15:10,737 --> 00:15:13,638
but you have to promise
not to make fun of me.
363
00:15:13,707 --> 00:15:15,640
Of course.
364
00:15:20,847 --> 00:15:23,414
Whoa.
365
00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:26,017
Yeah. I was worried
about the date
366
00:15:26,086 --> 00:15:29,721
so I got my hair colored to make
me feel a little more confident,
367
00:15:29,789 --> 00:15:33,458
but that just made me look
paler, so I-I got a spray tan.
368
00:15:33,527 --> 00:15:35,059
Have you tried
showering,
369
00:15:35,128 --> 00:15:36,928
seeing if you
could scrub it off?
370
00:15:36,997 --> 00:15:38,763
I did.
371
00:15:38,832 --> 00:15:41,466
You're gonna need
some new towels.
372
00:15:41,535 --> 00:15:44,102
And a bathmat.
373
00:15:44,171 --> 00:15:46,638
And a toilet seat.
374
00:15:52,746 --> 00:15:55,313
I'm picking her up in an hour.
375
00:15:56,550 --> 00:15:58,650
What am I gonna do?!
376
00:15:58,718 --> 00:16:00,385
Don't you mean
what are you gonna
377
00:16:00,453 --> 00:16:02,086
"Oompa Loompa doompety do"?
378
00:16:04,191 --> 00:16:06,157
You said you weren't
gonna make any jokes.
379
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,726
I'm sorry. I'll stop.
(mouthing)
380
00:16:08,795 --> 00:16:10,195
(giggles)
381
00:16:10,263 --> 00:16:11,963
Look, it's only
a spray tan.
382
00:16:12,032 --> 00:16:13,798
It'll fade in a couple days.
383
00:16:13,867 --> 00:16:15,867
Why don't you cancel
the date and reschedule?
384
00:16:15,969 --> 00:16:18,870
Oh, but I was really
looking forward to tonight.
385
00:16:18,939 --> 00:16:21,206
You know what? Then go.
Tell her what happened.
386
00:16:21,274 --> 00:16:23,374
- Maybe she'll be flattered.
WOLOWITZ: And if not,
387
00:16:23,443 --> 00:16:27,111
swing by the chocolate factory
and see if they're hiring.
388
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:29,847
That wasn't a joke. That was
a legitimate suggestion.
389
00:16:32,185 --> 00:16:34,118
(Skype ringing)
390
00:16:35,188 --> 00:16:36,688
DR. KOOTHRAPPALI:
Hello?
391
00:16:36,756 --> 00:16:38,089
Hey, Dad.
392
00:16:38,158 --> 00:16:41,859
Rajesh. What a nice surprise,
calling me on my birthday.
393
00:16:41,928 --> 00:16:46,698
Yes. That's why I'm calling.
394
00:16:46,766 --> 00:16:49,334
And-and what better gift
to give you than the gift
395
00:16:49,402 --> 00:16:52,437
of marrying an Indian woman,
just like you've always wanted.
396
00:16:52,505 --> 00:16:54,205
My goodness, Rajesh,
this is exciting news.
397
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:55,573
Who is she?
398
00:16:55,642 --> 00:16:57,508
You tell me.
399
00:16:57,577 --> 00:16:58,843
What?
400
00:16:58,912 --> 00:17:02,447
I want you
to arrange a marriage for me.
401
00:17:02,515 --> 00:17:05,250
I'm just so tired
of being single,
402
00:17:05,318 --> 00:17:09,053
and I'm finally just...
I'm-I'm ready to settle down.
403
00:17:09,122 --> 00:17:11,623
I can't just call up
some girl's dad
404
00:17:11,691 --> 00:17:13,424
and make her marry you.
405
00:17:13,493 --> 00:17:17,195
It's-it's not 2015 anymore.
406
00:17:17,264 --> 00:17:20,365
I know that, but I can't do this
on my own. I need your help.
407
00:17:20,433 --> 00:17:21,899
(sighs)
408
00:17:21,968 --> 00:17:23,613
Well, then, I'm going
to need your help, too.
409
00:17:23,637 --> 00:17:26,738
If I'm going to find a woman
to set you up with,
410
00:17:26,806 --> 00:17:29,574
you're going to need
to stop Instagramming pictures
411
00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:32,644
of you and your dog
wearing matching sweaters.
412
00:17:32,712 --> 00:17:36,147
Fine, if that's what it takes
to show you that I'm serious.
413
00:17:36,216 --> 00:17:37,782
Uh, quick question.
414
00:17:37,851 --> 00:17:39,629
Do you mean just Instagram,
or all my social...?
415
00:17:39,653 --> 00:17:41,452
All of them!
416
00:17:41,521 --> 00:17:43,721
Okay, deal.
417
00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:46,924
All right.
Let me ask you a question.
418
00:17:46,993 --> 00:17:49,127
What do you think of this woman?
419
00:17:49,195 --> 00:17:51,496
Oh. Oh, my God, she's beautiful.
420
00:17:51,564 --> 00:17:54,065
Is that who you're going
to set me up with?
421
00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:57,101
No! That's who I'm dating.
422
00:17:59,172 --> 00:18:02,607
But maybe
she has an older sister.
423
00:18:06,146 --> 00:18:08,079
So we put a little picture of me
424
00:18:08,148 --> 00:18:10,381
and a little picture
of Sheldon in it.
425
00:18:15,021 --> 00:18:18,189
In-in the locket?
426
00:18:18,258 --> 00:18:19,791
Yes.
427
00:18:19,859 --> 00:18:23,161
That was in
a lost and found box?
428
00:18:23,229 --> 00:18:25,830
Exactly.
429
00:18:25,899 --> 00:18:28,633
Where we hid it?
430
00:18:28,702 --> 00:18:30,835
So really, you gave us
three amazing gifts.
431
00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:32,503
You gave the locket,
the adventure
432
00:18:32,572 --> 00:18:35,540
and the realization
that Amy and I can do anything
433
00:18:35,608 --> 00:18:37,709
as long as we
work together.
434
00:18:37,777 --> 00:18:41,012
- We wrote you a special thank you note.
- Oh.
435
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:45,316
Are those words?
436
00:18:47,787 --> 00:18:49,620
No.
437
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:53,524
It's a secret code that you two
get to figure out together.
438
00:18:55,261 --> 00:18:58,162
Hint: it's based
on Sanskrit,
439
00:18:58,231 --> 00:19:00,531
but not the Sanskrit
you're thinking of.
440
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,966
(laughs)
441
00:19:02,035 --> 00:19:06,237
And best of all, you can't use
the Internet to cheat.
442
00:19:06,306 --> 00:19:08,339
Because we locked you
out of your Wi-Fi,
443
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:11,843
and the answer to this
is your new password.
444
00:19:15,548 --> 00:19:17,815
I'm no longer happy.
445
00:19:19,386 --> 00:19:21,686
Hey, guys. Great news.
446
00:19:21,755 --> 00:19:24,255
I'm getting married.
447
00:19:24,324 --> 00:19:26,958
- Huh? - What?
- No.
448
00:19:28,061 --> 00:19:30,094
Well, I-I haven't met her yet,
449
00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:32,096
but her name is Anu.
450
00:19:32,165 --> 00:19:34,065
My father says she comes
from a good family.
451
00:19:34,134 --> 00:19:35,400
She's in her 30s.
452
00:19:35,468 --> 00:19:37,201
She works
in hospitality management.
453
00:19:37,270 --> 00:19:39,871
So, as long as I can get
through six to ten dates
454
00:19:39,939 --> 00:19:42,507
without revealing
my true self...
455
00:19:44,077 --> 00:19:46,177
...this is happening.
456
00:19:46,246 --> 00:19:49,480
I know just what we're giving
them for a wedding gift.
457
00:19:58,665 --> 00:19:59,864
Oh.
458
00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:03,540
Oh, my God.
459
00:20:04,108 --> 00:20:05,255
Yeah.
460
00:20:05,256 --> 00:20:07,356
I wanted to look my best
for our date,
461
00:20:07,425 --> 00:20:12,528
and I made a series
of bad decisions...
462
00:20:14,098 --> 00:20:18,634
...one of which is hidden
by my pants.
463
00:20:18,702 --> 00:20:21,070
Wow. (laughs)
464
00:20:21,138 --> 00:20:24,640
Do you still want
to go out with me?
465
00:20:24,708 --> 00:20:28,977
Absolutely. Hey, maybe we
can go find Nemo together.
466
00:20:29,046 --> 00:20:31,146
That's a good one.
467
00:20:31,215 --> 00:20:33,182
(clears throat)
468
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:35,784
Do your 63 other crayon
friends know you're out?
469
00:20:35,853 --> 00:20:37,953
Are you just gonna
make fun of me all night?
470
00:20:38,022 --> 00:20:39,588
- Probably.
- Great.
471
00:20:39,657 --> 00:20:41,356
So what are we thinking,
Chinese?
472
00:20:41,425 --> 00:20:43,826
Yeah, I'm in the mood
for orange chicken.
473
00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:50,894
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man