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_
2
00:00:00,634 --> 00:00:03,871
Come on, guys.
We don't wanna be late.
3
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Do I have to go? It's the only
day I get to play games.
4
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We're all going.
Come on.
5
00:00:10,776 --> 00:00:12,988
I don't understand why we have
to go to church every Sunday.
6
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Church is important,
Stan.
7
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Way more important
than video games and TV.
8
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Church is about community
and coming together...
9
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:20,987
a lot of things.
10
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All I know is that after church,
I just feel better.
11
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Yeah.
Me, too.
12
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Hey, mornin', Stephen,
Linda!
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Morning, guys.
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Oh, thanks, there, Randy.
15
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You got it.
Where's Josie?
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Aw, she slipped her disc
in her neck.
17
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Poor thing
can barely move.
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Aw, she's gonna miss church?
That's too bad.
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Give her my best.
20
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For God so loved the world
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that he gave
his only begotten son
22
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so that whoever believed in him
should have eternal life.
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This is the gospel of the Lord.
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Praise to you,
Lord Jesus Christ.
25
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Today's gospel talks about
what the Lord has to give us.
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00:00:56,689 --> 00:01:00,393
He did so because we could not
control our temptations.
27
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Kind of like a priest
in a room full of naked boys.
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Okay. Okay.
29
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Let's... let's try and have
none of that today.
30
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In John 3:16, the gospel tells
us how God so loved the world,
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he gave to us his only son.
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And a Catholic priest
raped him.
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Okay, okay.
Come... Come on, guys.
34
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,917
N-Now, what greater gift
could the Lord have given to us?
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Children's underwear
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which priests couldn't
pull down so easily.
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Okay. Let's... Let's try
and compose ourselves.
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Let's try and just get through
this first one, okay, guys?
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What does it mean that the Lord
gave us his only begotten son?
40
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It means
if you're a cute boy
41
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at a Catholic priest
swimming party,
42
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you better be gettin'!
43
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Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.
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Salvation
in a little boy's mouth.
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I'm gonna post that one
for sure.
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Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?
47
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Oh, that was Linda!
48
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Well, see ya next week,
everybody!
49
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,254
-Yeah! See ya!
-All right. Take it easy, now!
50
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,454
-Bye.
-That was good.
51
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I really don't understand
the point of all that.
52
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Yeah, well, I used
to think that about church
53
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when I was a kid,
too.
54
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But back then, I don't know
if church was that stupid.
55
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Hey, don't say
things like that, Stan.
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You wanna go
to *bleep* hell?
57
00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,889
Father,
can I talk to you?
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Of course, my child.
What's troubling you?
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Well,
what's troubling you?
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You know, at school,
the kids used
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to all make fun
of me sometimes.
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One kid would say
something mean,
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and then the other kids
would laugh.
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I know how lousy
it feels.
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I learned
to just walk away,
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not give 'em
all the satisfaction.
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Well, we can't all
walk away.
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The... The priesthood
is all I know.
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I-I dedicated
my entire life to it.
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I don't know
anything else.
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I know it seems
impossible.
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I thought I'd be a punching bag
my whole life,
73
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but now, I'm one
of the popular kids.
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I even get invited
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to board game night
at Stan's house.
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My point is,
sometimes,
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y-you just gotta
put yourself out there.
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I wanna be Calamity Jane
this time.
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How many cards
do you start with, Kenny?
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Two cards.
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00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,617
Oh.
There's Butters!
82
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:38,918
Oh, hey, fellas!
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I hope you don't mind
I brought a friend.
84
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Come on in!
85
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Uh, hello, my children.
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Okay, so, I-I guess
I'm gonna go to the saloon
87
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,197
and try
to arrest Cartman.
88
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Let's see what you got,
bitch.
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So, Kyle, did you know
Father is a really good singer?
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00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,037
You like to sing, too,
don't you?
91
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No.
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Praise the Lord
for the Lord is good.
93
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Sing praise to his name,
for that is pleasant.
94
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Ace.
You lose.
95
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,679
Hey, Stan.
96
00:04:05,711 --> 00:04:07,813
Have you seen my...
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No way!
98
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,688
Hang on! Hang on!
I gotta post this!
99
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:17,089
I shouldn't be here.
100
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,292
This is hilarious.
101
00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:20,002
Four boys and a priest
playing a board game!
102
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,827
Aw, Father wait a...
I should go.
103
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No, no, no wait.
Let me get the picture.
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Father!
105
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Aw, shit!
I missed it.
106
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:28,367
Ugh.
107
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,170
Why did you invite Butters
to game night?
108
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,471
I didn't invite him.
109
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,875
Come on, Father.
You can't give up so fast!
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This is just gonna
make things way worse.
111
00:04:37,009 --> 00:04:38,278
People will rip on me.
112
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Who cares?
Who cares what people say?
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I do.
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Aw, come on.
You gotta be strong!
115
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Why do you care?!
116
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Because I was you.
Okay?
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I wasn't always this cool.
I've been through it.
118
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But then, one day,
somebody told me something.
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He said, "Life is full of love
and light and bountiful things,"
120
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and you know
who told me that?
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You did!
Two years ago in church!
122
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,869
You have a right
to go and be happy,
123
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,846
and if people wanna
keep trying to knock you down,
124
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well *bleep* 'em!
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Hey.
Morning, Mackey.
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Happy Sunday!
Mornin', Ted, Hazel.
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Mornin'! Mornin'!
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Mornin'! Mornin'!
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Ah, doin' better.
huh, Josie?
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A lot better,
thank you.
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All right.
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Huh.
133
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What the...?
134
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It's not open.
135
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Let me try.
136
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Hey!
Hey, it's 9:00! Hey!
137
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What's going on?
138
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Ohhhhh!
139
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There's no church
today!
140
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You all are just gonna have
to find something better to do!
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00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:50,384
Hey.
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Hey!
Open the door!
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Hey!
Come on!
144
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Well, this sucks.
145
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,927
What are we supposed to do
without church?
146
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I just feel
so empty.
147
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,797
What are you guys
so upset about?
148
00:06:03,829 --> 00:06:05,399
Shut up, Shelly!
149
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,968
Isn't this great,
Father?
150
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Fresh, mountain air.
151
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:11,737
Nice, warm fire.
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I have to admit, it's a pretty
nice way to spend a Sunday.
153
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,310
How many are your works,
Lord?
154
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In wisdom,
you made them all.
155
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Yeah.
The Lord's pretty cool.
156
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He is...
157
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because
he brought me you.
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♪ Faith in Christ
159
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:32,658
♪ Faith in Christ
160
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,004
♪ Faith in Christ
161
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:50,944
♪ Faith in Christ
162
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,981
♪ Faith in Christ
163
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:00,687
♪ Faith in Christ
164
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:09,228
♪ Faith in Christ
165
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:33,819
♪ Faith in Christ
166
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,363
Denver Archdiocese.
The Lord be with you.
167
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,733
And with your spirit,
m'kay.
168
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,701
Uh, my name
is counselor Mackey,
169
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,637
and w-we seem to be having
a little problem
170
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with our local church
here in South Park.
171
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Our, uh... our priest
has gone missing.
172
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,577
Oh, not another one!
173
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All right.
Listen to me carefully.
174
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:02,583
Your local priest
has not done anything wrong.
175
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,550
Probably just taking
some time off.
176
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,353
Why is that suspicious?
177
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:07,754
Well,
it's not suspicious.
178
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:10,189
We just kind of don't know
what to do, you know?
179
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,391
We'll take care of it.
180
00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:12,935
There's no need
to involve the authorities.
181
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:15,161
Just sit tight.
182
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,932
Send in a clean-up crew now.
183
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,103
We've got another one.
184
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,538
A priest in South Park
has gone rogue
185
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,807
and is probably out
doing his thing.
186
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:31,211
I need you guys to get up there
and clean up his mess.
187
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:32,778
Don't worry,
Your Holiness.
188
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,514
By the time we're done
with that town,
189
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,383
there won't be a lick of cum
anywhere.
190
00:08:47,324 --> 00:08:48,725
Happy Birthday, Clyde!
191
00:08:48,758 --> 00:08:51,494
Hope you don't mind
I brought a friend!
192
00:08:51,527 --> 00:08:55,097
For we are God's handiwork,
created in Christ Jesus
193
00:08:55,130 --> 00:08:57,100
to do good works.
194
00:08:57,132 --> 00:08:59,301
Dude, what are you
talking about?
195
00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:00,336
Come on, Father!
196
00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:02,339
Let's go tear up
the skating rink!
197
00:09:02,371 --> 00:09:04,574
Just leave it alone,
Clyde.
198
00:09:04,607 --> 00:09:05,909
Butters brings him
everywhere.
199
00:09:05,941 --> 00:09:07,243
I don't care.
200
00:09:07,277 --> 00:09:09,254
I don't want a priest
at my *bleep* birthday party!
201
00:09:09,278 --> 00:09:10,780
It's all right, Clyde.
It's all right.
202
00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:17,286
That's it!
You're doin' great!
203
00:09:17,319 --> 00:09:18,855
Oh, aah!
204
00:09:18,887 --> 00:09:20,557
Oh, Mother Mary.
205
00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:22,558
I feel like everyone's
staring at me.
206
00:09:25,027 --> 00:09:26,061
Nobody's staring!
207
00:09:26,096 --> 00:09:27,630
I'm gonna go get us
some soda pop.
208
00:09:27,664 --> 00:09:29,599
You just mingle
with the other fellas!
209
00:09:35,472 --> 00:09:37,874
What's it all about, huh?
210
00:09:37,907 --> 00:09:40,009
Are we just bags
of carbon and water
211
00:09:40,042 --> 00:09:42,045
put on this planet
for no purpose?
212
00:09:42,078 --> 00:09:43,780
You're born.
213
00:09:43,812 --> 00:09:45,247
You die.
214
00:09:45,282 --> 00:09:48,018
Then you're just
food for the worms.
215
00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:51,420
It all does seem
pretty meaningless.
216
00:09:51,453 --> 00:09:53,188
Hey!
The church is back open!
217
00:09:53,223 --> 00:09:54,657
There's people inside!
218
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,526
-What?
-They church is back open?
219
00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:57,794
Oh, boy! Let's go!
Let's go!
220
00:09:57,827 --> 00:10:00,562
-The church is back open!
-Thank God! Let's go!
221
00:10:02,631 --> 00:10:04,467
Scrub everything.
222
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,568
Police can detect
223
00:10:05,601 --> 00:10:07,404
even a milligram of cum
and rectal blood.
224
00:10:07,437 --> 00:10:08,838
Hey!
225
00:10:08,871 --> 00:10:10,472
Oh.
Uh, hello, my children.
226
00:10:10,506 --> 00:10:11,573
The Lord be with you.
227
00:10:11,608 --> 00:10:13,509
And with your spirit.
228
00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:14,944
What, uh, what are
you guys doing?
229
00:10:14,978 --> 00:10:17,012
Oh, we're just giving the place
a nice scrub down
230
00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:18,747
while we wait
for your priest to come back.
231
00:10:18,782 --> 00:10:20,716
He was called
to South America last week.
232
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,151
Last week?
233
00:10:22,185 --> 00:10:24,220
No, he was at my house
a couple days ago
234
00:10:24,253 --> 00:10:25,854
playing board games
with the boys.
235
00:10:27,023 --> 00:10:28,524
No, he wasn't.
236
00:10:28,557 --> 00:10:30,092
Look.
I assure you everything is fine.
237
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:32,895
Your priest will be back.
Just have some patience.
238
00:10:32,929 --> 00:10:34,264
Aw!
239
00:10:34,297 --> 00:10:35,966
Come on,
guys.
240
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:38,467
Scrub everything.
241
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:40,303
Bleach those
board-game pieces.
242
00:10:40,336 --> 00:10:42,205
You find something
on that chair?
243
00:10:42,238 --> 00:10:44,473
It's either blood and cum
or ketchup and mayo.
244
00:10:44,506 --> 00:10:45,875
Well,
just get rid of it.
245
00:10:45,908 --> 00:10:47,477
Bleach the entire
top of the table.
246
00:10:47,509 --> 00:10:50,213
That's probably
where he mounted them.
247
00:10:50,245 --> 00:10:52,382
Uh, excuse me?
248
00:10:52,414 --> 00:10:54,584
Oh. Hello, my son.
249
00:10:54,618 --> 00:10:55,918
What are you doing?
250
00:10:55,952 --> 00:10:57,519
What are we doing
about what?
251
00:10:57,554 --> 00:10:58,854
Well, I mean,
it looks like
252
00:10:58,888 --> 00:11:00,833
you're scrubbing and bleaching
our table and chairs.
253
00:11:00,857 --> 00:11:02,993
Mnh-mnh.
That's not what's going on.
254
00:11:03,025 --> 00:11:05,495
Your local priest was
never here, actually.
255
00:11:05,527 --> 00:11:07,197
Yeah, he was.
I played with him.
256
00:11:07,229 --> 00:11:09,632
Oh, you did?
257
00:11:09,666 --> 00:11:11,533
Better get the Kumby.
258
00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:12,901
What's a Kumby?
259
00:11:12,935 --> 00:11:15,204
We're just here to cleanse
your spirit, my child.
260
00:11:15,238 --> 00:11:16,740
Praise be to Christ.
261
00:11:23,312 --> 00:11:26,682
♪ Happy birthday, dear Clyde
262
00:11:26,716 --> 00:11:30,085
♪ Happy birthday to you
263
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,454
Yay!
264
00:11:31,488 --> 00:11:33,389
And now,
let us pray.
265
00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:34,591
Awwww.
266
00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:37,761
Bless us, Oh Lord,
and these thy gifts,
267
00:11:37,793 --> 00:11:39,128
which we are about
to receive...
268
00:11:39,162 --> 00:11:40,964
Kyle, will you do something,
please?
269
00:11:40,996 --> 00:11:43,032
-Why me?
-Kyle!
270
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,137
...through Christ,
Our Lord. Amen.
271
00:11:47,169 --> 00:11:49,906
Uh, Butters, can I talk
to you really fast?
272
00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:52,542
Oh, sure, Kyle.
Be right back, Father.
273
00:11:52,574 --> 00:11:54,043
All right, my child.
274
00:11:55,277 --> 00:11:56,279
What's up?
275
00:11:56,312 --> 00:11:57,614
Butters, you know,
276
00:11:57,646 --> 00:12:01,184
you can't just bring your priest
with you everywhere.
277
00:12:01,216 --> 00:12:04,186
I mean, sometimes the guys
just wanna do stuff
278
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:06,288
and not have
a priest around.
279
00:12:06,322 --> 00:12:07,656
What are you saying,
Kyle?
280
00:12:07,691 --> 00:12:09,925
I'm saying it's just
kind of awkward, Butters.
281
00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,428
He's bumming
everybody out.
282
00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:13,996
Nobody wants to hear about Jesus
at a birthday party.
283
00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:15,465
Well, of course
you don't.
284
00:12:15,497 --> 00:12:17,866
It's not just me.
It's everybody, Butters.
285
00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:20,971
He can try all he wants,
but he just doesn't belong here.
286
00:12:21,003 --> 00:12:23,305
Well, I'm sorry
for trying to help out
287
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:25,542
somebody who didn't have
anywhere else to turn.
288
00:12:25,574 --> 00:12:27,509
We'll both just leave.
289
00:12:27,543 --> 00:12:30,479
I thought you were better
than that, Kyle.
290
00:12:33,416 --> 00:12:36,019
♪ Faith in Christ
291
00:12:36,051 --> 00:12:38,454
♪ Faith in Christ
292
00:12:40,257 --> 00:12:41,958
All right, clean and scrub
everything.
293
00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:43,293
I want it spotless!
294
00:12:43,325 --> 00:12:45,862
Get any evidence the priest
might have left behind.
295
00:12:45,894 --> 00:12:48,298
There's something
over here.
296
00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:50,799
But I can't tell
if it's cum or frosting.
297
00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:52,901
It's an 8-year-old's
birthday party.
298
00:12:52,935 --> 00:12:54,937
Of course it's cum.
Get the Kumby!
299
00:12:54,971 --> 00:12:57,039
Praise be
to Christ.
300
00:12:59,541 --> 00:13:01,911
Hello, young man.
301
00:13:01,944 --> 00:13:03,445
We're looking
for your town priest.
302
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,380
Was he here?
303
00:13:04,413 --> 00:13:07,550
Yeah, but he left
with Butters.
304
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:09,653
Tell me about
this Butters.
305
00:13:09,685 --> 00:13:10,853
All right,
that does it!
306
00:13:12,087 --> 00:13:13,322
Get outta
my birthday party,
307
00:13:13,356 --> 00:13:15,557
or else I'm gonna call
the police!
308
00:13:18,028 --> 00:13:19,695
Father!
309
00:13:19,728 --> 00:13:21,363
Father?
310
00:13:21,398 --> 00:13:22,999
Has anybody seen
my priest?
311
00:13:23,033 --> 00:13:24,634
Father,
where'd you go?
312
00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:29,005
There you are!
I been lookin' everywhere.
313
00:13:29,038 --> 00:13:31,140
Just leave me alone.
314
00:13:31,173 --> 00:13:32,908
But you're missin'
the party.
315
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,944
Look, your friends
are right, okay?
316
00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:36,680
I don't belong there.
317
00:13:36,712 --> 00:13:39,214
I-I don't belong anywhere.
318
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:41,817
They just don't understand you
like I do.
319
00:13:41,851 --> 00:13:44,853
Stop defending me!
There's things you don't know!
320
00:13:44,887 --> 00:13:46,221
But it's
not your fault.
321
00:13:46,255 --> 00:13:49,024
- Yes, it is. It is my fault!
- Why?!
322
00:13:49,058 --> 00:13:53,363
Because I knew!
All right?!
323
00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,397
I knew.
324
00:13:55,432 --> 00:13:57,100
Years ago,
325
00:13:57,132 --> 00:13:59,702
when bad things started coming
out about the Catholic Church,
326
00:13:59,735 --> 00:14:02,606
I went to Vatican,
and I... I found out
327
00:14:02,639 --> 00:14:05,240
that the problem was worse
than anyone even thought.
328
00:14:05,274 --> 00:14:10,880
I thought I could help fix it,
so I kept my mouth shut.
329
00:14:10,913 --> 00:14:13,149
I thought there was
a cancer in the Church
330
00:14:13,182 --> 00:14:14,683
that we could
get rid of.
331
00:14:14,718 --> 00:14:17,620
But the Church
is the cancer.
332
00:14:17,654 --> 00:14:19,990
It's not about
a few bad apples.
333
00:14:20,023 --> 00:14:22,291
There's only
a few good apples,
334
00:14:22,324 --> 00:14:24,793
and I'm clearly not
one of them.
335
00:14:24,827 --> 00:14:26,695
So just stay away
from me!
336
00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:30,399
But...I thought
we were pals.
337
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,803
You thought wrong.
338
00:14:51,855 --> 00:14:53,723
Hey.
339
00:14:53,757 --> 00:14:54,858
Hey, there.
340
00:14:54,891 --> 00:14:57,526
What's the matter,
my child?
341
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,329
Did you know
that Jesus loves you?
342
00:15:00,363 --> 00:15:02,832
Sometimes I wonder.
343
00:15:02,865 --> 00:15:05,267
"And the life
I now live in the flesh
344
00:15:05,302 --> 00:15:08,971
I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me."
345
00:15:09,005 --> 00:15:11,473
Wanna Three Musketeers?
346
00:15:11,507 --> 00:15:12,942
No, thanks.
347
00:15:12,976 --> 00:15:15,812
You like camping trips?
You wanna go camping?
348
00:15:15,844 --> 00:15:17,247
No.
349
00:15:17,279 --> 00:15:20,584
I got a bunny in the back.
You wanna see the bunny?
350
00:15:20,616 --> 00:15:22,452
Well, okay!
351
00:15:24,219 --> 00:15:25,889
Stan?
352
00:15:25,922 --> 00:15:27,990
I have no idea
what's going on.
353
00:15:28,024 --> 00:15:29,826
Worst birthday ever!
354
00:15:34,489 --> 00:15:35,957
Boring.
355
00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:37,491
Dumb.
356
00:15:37,525 --> 00:15:39,360
Stupid.
357
00:15:39,392 --> 00:15:42,162
Good, but dated in its view
of gender norms.
358
00:15:43,197 --> 00:15:44,197
Ugh.
359
00:15:45,832 --> 00:15:47,267
Hello, Mr. Marsh.
360
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,136
Father!
361
00:15:48,168 --> 00:15:50,004
Hey, Sharon,
it's Father!
362
00:15:50,037 --> 00:15:51,315
-Mr. Marsh, please...
-He's back!
363
00:15:51,339 --> 00:15:52,205
Father's back!
364
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,240
I'm just going around
365
00:15:53,273 --> 00:15:54,909
trying to locate
little Butters Stotch.
366
00:15:54,941 --> 00:15:56,144
I thought
he might be here
367
00:15:56,176 --> 00:15:57,677
playing a board game
with your son?
368
00:15:57,711 --> 00:16:00,947
Oh, no, I haven't seen Butters.
Or Stan.
369
00:16:00,981 --> 00:16:04,217
But, Father, please,
we all need church.
370
00:16:04,252 --> 00:16:06,454
I'm sorry, but I have
to keep looking.
371
00:16:06,486 --> 00:16:08,221
I said
some terrible things.
372
00:16:08,256 --> 00:16:09,824
Please, Father,
we're all lost,
373
00:16:09,857 --> 00:16:11,893
and the clean-up crew
hasn't helped at all.
374
00:16:14,394 --> 00:16:17,464
What clean-up crew?
375
00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:24,205
Any sign of him?
376
00:16:24,238 --> 00:16:25,640
No, but this
should draw him out.
377
00:16:25,672 --> 00:16:26,907
The cute one says
it's where
378
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:28,476
he and the priest
first got together.
379
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,477
All right.
When the priest gets here,
380
00:16:30,510 --> 00:16:31,845
we'll take care of him
381
00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:34,681
and then eradicate this
entire place of any evidence.
382
00:16:34,714 --> 00:16:36,384
Should I bring out
the Kumby?
383
00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:38,752
No, this is gonna be
a bigger job than that.
384
00:16:38,785 --> 00:16:42,056
Bring out
the Cumboni.
385
00:16:51,766 --> 00:16:52,967
Hey, Randy,
what's up?
386
00:16:52,999 --> 00:16:54,100
Stephen!
387
00:16:54,135 --> 00:16:55,735
Stephen, listen...
The boys are missing.
388
00:16:55,770 --> 00:16:58,705
Father Maxi thinks they've been
taken by the other priests!
389
00:16:58,738 --> 00:17:00,508
Taken by priests?
390
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:03,076
Should we call the police
or buy some condoms?
391
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,146
Okay.
O-Okay, that was good.
392
00:17:05,178 --> 00:17:07,380
But, seriously,
we have to find these guys!
393
00:17:07,415 --> 00:17:08,582
The boys are in danger!
394
00:17:08,616 --> 00:17:10,985
But where would priests go
this late at night?
395
00:17:11,017 --> 00:17:13,788
To a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us?
396
00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:15,255
Wha... What'd she say?
397
00:17:15,288 --> 00:17:17,859
She said, "to a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us."
398
00:17:17,891 --> 00:17:19,593
Can... Can I post that?
399
00:17:19,627 --> 00:17:20,728
Sure, she doesn't care.
400
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:21,829
Give me that!
401
00:17:21,862 --> 00:17:23,797
Mr. Stotch, have you heard
from Butters at all?
402
00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:25,967
Well, yeah, we got
a really weird text from him
403
00:17:25,999 --> 00:17:28,269
saying not to worry,
he needed to do some camping.
404
00:17:28,302 --> 00:17:30,937
Oh, my Lord.
I know where to go.
405
00:17:30,972 --> 00:17:32,806
And when we get there...
406
00:17:32,839 --> 00:17:34,741
I'll need to go in alone.
407
00:17:34,775 --> 00:17:37,478
Yeah, I'll bet.
408
00:17:37,511 --> 00:17:39,279
He's not showing up.
409
00:17:39,312 --> 00:17:41,314
Try the Priest Call.
410
00:17:41,348 --> 00:17:44,585
I love Jesus!
411
00:17:44,618 --> 00:17:46,587
I love Jesus!
412
00:17:46,621 --> 00:17:48,723
I don't think he's coming.
413
00:17:48,755 --> 00:17:50,824
Oh, he's coming all right,
just not here.
414
00:17:50,857 --> 00:17:52,460
Let's start packing up.
415
00:17:52,492 --> 00:17:55,529
You... Get on the Cumboni
and eradicate this place
416
00:17:55,563 --> 00:17:56,997
along with
everything in it.
417
00:17:57,031 --> 00:17:58,498
Yes, Your Holiness.
418
00:17:58,533 --> 00:17:59,533
Wait!
419
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:02,336
Father.
420
00:18:02,370 --> 00:18:05,573
You wanted to find me.
Well, here I am.
421
00:18:05,605 --> 00:18:07,275
I know why you're here.
422
00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:10,044
The church can't have
someone like me
423
00:18:10,076 --> 00:18:11,945
going around,
making it look bad.
424
00:18:11,979 --> 00:18:15,283
So go ahead.
Do it.
425
00:18:15,315 --> 00:18:16,683
Just get it over with.
426
00:18:16,717 --> 00:18:18,785
What?!
No!
427
00:18:18,819 --> 00:18:20,855
You think we searched
all over town
428
00:18:20,888 --> 00:18:22,824
and set up this trap
to kill you?
429
00:18:22,856 --> 00:18:23,891
We're Catholics.
430
00:18:23,925 --> 00:18:26,394
We're here to give you
what you deserve.
431
00:18:26,427 --> 00:18:29,430
A full transfer to
the beautiful Maldive Islands!
432
00:18:29,463 --> 00:18:31,966
Luxury airfare
and beach house included!
433
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:35,302
A transfer?
434
00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:37,004
The church took care
of everything,
435
00:18:37,038 --> 00:18:39,773
just like it always has
from the beginning.
436
00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:42,710
"Thank you for cleaning up
all my cum."
437
00:18:44,077 --> 00:18:46,546
I can just go?
438
00:18:46,581 --> 00:18:49,617
I can start over
in the Maldives?
439
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,284
No one will
make fun of you there.
440
00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:52,787
They can't even
speak English.
441
00:18:52,819 --> 00:18:54,921
And don't worry...
there'll be plenty of priests
442
00:18:54,956 --> 00:18:56,557
to take your place here.
443
00:18:56,591 --> 00:18:58,960
Look, I know it's a big change,
but...
444
00:18:58,992 --> 00:19:01,229
you know
what you have to do.
445
00:19:01,261 --> 00:19:04,132
Yes, I do.
446
00:19:04,165 --> 00:19:06,134
I don't think
I have any other choice.
447
00:19:08,034 --> 00:19:10,504
No.
He can't.
448
00:19:10,538 --> 00:19:12,240
Well, our work here
is done!
449
00:19:12,272 --> 00:19:13,908
Praise be to Christ,
guys.
450
00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:15,475
It certainly was
a tough one,
451
00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:17,545
but I think we got everything
cleaned up and...
452
00:19:25,019 --> 00:19:27,921
-Aaaah!
-The Cumboni!
453
00:19:27,955 --> 00:19:31,759
Aah!
Aaaaaagh!
454
00:19:31,793 --> 00:19:32,894
Aah!
455
00:19:32,926 --> 00:19:34,996
Aaaaaagh!
456
00:19:39,734 --> 00:19:43,303
Nooooooooo!
Br-br-br-br-br-br!
457
00:19:46,641 --> 00:19:49,309
Father, you did it!
458
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:50,944
I'm so sorry,
my child.
459
00:19:50,978 --> 00:19:53,314
I never meant to say
we weren't pals.
460
00:19:53,346 --> 00:19:55,348
Does that mean
you're gonna stay?
461
00:19:55,382 --> 00:19:56,483
Of course.
462
00:19:56,516 --> 00:19:59,687
Now I have purpose,
and I have meaning.
463
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,357
My job here
is to protect you.
464
00:20:03,391 --> 00:20:05,225
All of you.
465
00:20:09,596 --> 00:20:11,598
The Lord be with you.
466
00:20:11,632 --> 00:20:14,968
And with your spirit.
467
00:20:15,002 --> 00:20:19,773
Today, I'd like to talk
on the subject of penance.
468
00:20:19,807 --> 00:20:22,910
The penitent have deep remorse,
469
00:20:22,944 --> 00:20:26,614
but for true penance,
we must be humble enough
470
00:20:26,646 --> 00:20:31,218
to admit that the Lord's
forgiveness is undeserved.
471
00:20:31,252 --> 00:20:33,386
Kind of like how getting raped
by a Catholic priest
472
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:34,420
is undeserved.
473
00:20:35,990 --> 00:20:38,225
In Job 42:6, we read,
474
00:20:38,259 --> 00:20:40,528
"Therefore
I reprehend myself
475
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,131
and do penance
in dust and ashes."
476
00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:45,432
And in choir boys'
butts and asses.
477
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,002
So we are not
to punish ourselves,
478
00:20:49,035 --> 00:20:52,572
but instead we are to
make ourselves passionate.
479
00:20:52,607 --> 00:20:54,841
Like a Catholic priest
at a Chuck E. Cheese.
480
00:20:56,543 --> 00:20:58,679
Oh, God, it's good
to have my faith back!
481
00:20:58,713 --> 00:21:02,149
Passionate to understand
all that Christ sacrificed
482
00:21:02,182 --> 00:21:04,552
and how hard it truly was.
483
00:21:04,584 --> 00:21:06,420
How hard what truly was?
484
00:21:15,295 --> 00:21:16,831
Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.
485
00:21:16,864 --> 00:21:18,533
Salvation in a little boy's
mouth.
486
00:21:18,566 --> 00:21:19,934
I'm gonna post that one
for sure.
487
00:21:19,966 --> 00:21:21,936
Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?
488
00:21:21,968 --> 00:21:23,103
Oh, that was Linda!
489
00:21:23,136 --> 00:21:24,939
Well, see ya next week,
everybody!
490
00:21:24,971 --> 00:21:26,941
-Yeah! See ya!
-All right. Take it easy, now!
491
00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:27,973
-Bye.
-That was good.