1
00:00:02,816 --> 00:00:05,283
Hey, you guys have any
plans for Valentine's Day?
2
00:00:05,352 --> 00:00:06,951
Three months from now? No.
3
00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:08,619
- What? No?
- I mean,
4
00:00:08,688 --> 00:00:11,143
secret romantic plans that
would be ruined if I told you.
5
00:00:11,167 --> 00:00:13,167
Oh.
6
00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:15,259
What's going on, Raj?
7
00:00:15,328 --> 00:00:17,328
Well, how would
you guys feel
8
00:00:17,397 --> 00:00:19,063
about going to India
for my wedding?
9
00:00:19,132 --> 00:00:21,699
Oh, that's so exciting!
10
00:00:21,768 --> 00:00:23,968
Penny, you will never guess
what I have planned
11
00:00:24,037 --> 00:00:26,838
for Valentine's Day.
- Uh-huh.
12
00:00:26,906 --> 00:00:29,307
Can I feed peanuts to
the elephants at your wedding?
13
00:00:29,376 --> 00:00:32,010
- That is such a stereotype!
- There won't be any elephants?
14
00:00:32,078 --> 00:00:33,322
Of course there'll be elephants.
15
00:00:33,346 --> 00:00:36,047
It's a stereotype
that you feed them peanuts.
16
00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:38,516
Are you really gonna plan
a wedding in three months?
17
00:00:38,585 --> 00:00:40,852
Yeah, well, her family's
doing most of the work.
18
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,154
They're amazing.
We talk all the time.
19
00:00:43,223 --> 00:00:44,122
Why?
20
00:00:44,190 --> 00:00:46,290
Because we're
about to get married
21
00:00:46,359 --> 00:00:48,126
and they're gonna be my family.
22
00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:51,596
Amy and I are married, and
I never talk to her family.
23
00:00:51,664 --> 00:00:53,097
Really? My parents
love Leonard.
24
00:00:53,166 --> 00:00:55,333
Yeah. And my mom loves
Penny, which is weird,
25
00:00:55,402 --> 00:00:57,869
because I never
knew she could love.
26
00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:01,305
And my dad has grown
to really...
27
00:01:01,374 --> 00:01:03,007
like Howard.
28
00:01:04,244 --> 00:01:07,678
Yeah, there's a nice...
coolness between us.
29
00:01:07,747 --> 00:01:09,847
Hey, guys,
before Anu gets here,
30
00:01:09,916 --> 00:01:12,517
can I talk about
the seating situation?
31
00:01:12,585 --> 00:01:14,130
I really don't want her
to sit on the floor.
32
00:01:14,154 --> 00:01:16,854
Oh. No problem.
Bernadette, floor.
33
00:01:16,923 --> 00:01:18,923
- Hey!
- Yeah, you can't make my wife
34
00:01:18,992 --> 00:01:20,558
sit on the floor.
- Fine.
35
00:01:20,627 --> 00:01:22,593
Howard, floor.
36
00:01:22,662 --> 00:01:24,228
Fine, I'll sit on the floor.
37
00:01:24,297 --> 00:01:25,408
Thank you, Penny.
And, Leonard,
38
00:01:25,432 --> 00:01:27,565
I was kind of hoping
I could sit next to Anu.
39
00:01:27,634 --> 00:01:29,634
So now I have to sit on the floor?
It's my house.
40
00:01:29,702 --> 00:01:31,013
Why can't Sheldon
sit on the floor?
41
00:01:31,037 --> 00:01:33,704
That might be the dumbest thing
you've ever said.
42
00:01:33,773 --> 00:01:35,506
WOLOWITZ:
Guys, guys,
43
00:01:35,575 --> 00:01:37,141
there's a simple solution.
44
00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:40,445
I am not breaking up with her.
45
00:01:41,881 --> 00:01:44,982
All right. Let's
keep thinking.
46
00:01:45,051 --> 00:01:47,285
Hey, everybody, it's Anu.
47
00:01:47,353 --> 00:01:48,719
Hi.
48
00:01:48,788 --> 00:01:49,754
ALL:
Hi! Welcome!
49
00:01:49,755 --> 00:01:52,267
♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x08 ♪
The Consummation Deviation
Original Air D
50
00:01:52,291 --> 00:01:55,359
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
51
00:01:55,428 --> 00:01:58,729
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
52
00:01:58,798 --> 00:02:00,298
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
53
00:02:00,366 --> 00:02:03,000
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
54
00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:05,503
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
55
00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:08,172
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
56
00:02:08,241 --> 00:02:10,108
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
57
00:02:10,176 --> 00:02:11,676
♪ Bang! ♪
58
00:02:11,677 --> 00:02:18,677
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
59
00:02:19,225 --> 00:02:21,225
(groans):
Oh, I am stuffed!
60
00:02:21,294 --> 00:02:23,561
I should not have eaten
all those dumplings.
61
00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:25,763
(chuckles)
62
00:02:25,832 --> 00:02:27,231
I think we should have sex.
63
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,400
(passing horn honks)
64
00:02:30,904 --> 00:02:33,304
(squeakily):
Me, too.
65
00:02:33,373 --> 00:02:35,206
Yeah, it's just,
we haven't done it yet,
66
00:02:35,275 --> 00:02:36,507
and I think it's important
67
00:02:36,576 --> 00:02:38,387
to make sure we're compatible
before we get married.
68
00:02:38,411 --> 00:02:39,844
I totally agree.
69
00:02:39,913 --> 00:02:41,345
Oh, just one question.
70
00:02:41,414 --> 00:02:43,347
While we're doing it,
can I leave my shirt on?
71
00:02:43,416 --> 00:02:46,884
You know, the dumplings,
pretty salty.
72
00:02:46,953 --> 00:02:48,953
It doesn't have
to be tonight.
73
00:02:49,022 --> 00:02:50,454
How about this weekend?
74
00:02:50,523 --> 00:02:52,256
I can get us a room
at my hotel.
75
00:02:52,325 --> 00:02:53,424
Okay. Sounds nice.
76
00:02:53,493 --> 00:02:55,393
We can order
a bunch of room service,
77
00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:58,796
because I'm not eating anything
between now and then.
78
00:02:58,898 --> 00:03:00,731
Aw. Are you worried?
79
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,899
I am not worried.
80
00:03:01,968 --> 00:03:04,502
If anything, I'm overconfident.
81
00:03:04,571 --> 00:03:06,938
Edging into smug.
82
00:03:08,207 --> 00:03:09,941
I'm sure it's
gonna be fine.
83
00:03:10,009 --> 00:03:11,909
Oh, it's gonna be
better than fine.
84
00:03:11,978 --> 00:03:13,878
Trust me,
I've had no complaints.
85
00:03:13,947 --> 00:03:14,845
Good to know.
86
00:03:14,914 --> 00:03:17,381
Well, I've had
questions, comments,
87
00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:18,883
some constructive criticism,
88
00:03:18,952 --> 00:03:21,052
(snorts):
but... no complaints.
89
00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:25,856
You're up early.
90
00:03:25,925 --> 00:03:28,125
Huh? Yes. I wanted
to get a jump
91
00:03:28,194 --> 00:03:30,294
on planning
a day of fun for you.
92
00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:31,707
Oh, that's sweet.
What are we doing?
93
00:03:31,731 --> 00:03:33,531
Oh, no. Just you.
I have other plans.
94
00:03:35,368 --> 00:03:38,869
Now, would you prefer
to see The Grinch in 2-D or 3-D?
95
00:03:38,938 --> 00:03:41,305
I don't want to see it at all.
96
00:03:41,374 --> 00:03:44,742
Well, let's go 2-D. No sense
in spending extra money.
97
00:03:44,811 --> 00:03:46,677
What are you
gonna be doing?
98
00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:48,312
Being a great husband.
99
00:03:48,381 --> 00:03:50,748
Yeah, you're gonna need
to show your work on that.
100
00:03:52,018 --> 00:03:54,118
After last night,
I got to thinking
101
00:03:54,187 --> 00:03:57,088
that I should have a better
relationship with your family.
102
00:03:57,156 --> 00:03:59,223
I think the one you have
with them is perfect.
103
00:03:59,292 --> 00:04:00,658
I hardly have one at all.
104
00:04:00,727 --> 00:04:02,760
Which is perfect.
105
00:04:02,829 --> 00:04:04,895
Oh, Amy, they're
important to you,
106
00:04:04,964 --> 00:04:06,764
and you're
important to me.
107
00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:08,477
Therefore, according to
the transitive property,
108
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:10,501
they're important to me.
It's the same reason
109
00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:12,203
I'm interested
in your big, flat feet.
110
00:04:14,474 --> 00:04:16,907
Well, you know
that my mom can be...
111
00:04:16,976 --> 00:04:19,443
well, difficult to get along with.
- Which is why
112
00:04:19,512 --> 00:04:22,546
I'm starting with your dad
and working my way up.
113
00:04:22,615 --> 00:04:24,181
All right.
I'm just worried
114
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:26,517
you might have
a rather unpleasant day.
115
00:04:26,586 --> 00:04:28,185
Yeah, back at ya.
I watched the trailer
116
00:04:28,254 --> 00:04:29,614
for The Grinch--
it looks terrible.
117
00:04:31,524 --> 00:04:33,524
(knocking)
118
00:04:33,593 --> 00:04:35,993
- Hi, Sheldon.
- Oh, good. You're right on time.
119
00:04:36,062 --> 00:04:38,195
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hey, pumpkin.
120
00:04:38,264 --> 00:04:41,532
Pumpkin? I've been
calling her spaghetti squash.
121
00:04:41,601 --> 00:04:43,100
It's amazing
that one woman
122
00:04:43,169 --> 00:04:45,603
can be different vegetables
to different men.
123
00:04:45,672 --> 00:04:47,204
Bye.
124
00:04:47,273 --> 00:04:48,639
Bye.
125
00:04:48,708 --> 00:04:50,641
So, how does this work
with in-laws?
126
00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:52,643
Am I supposed
to be calling you Dad?
127
00:04:52,712 --> 00:04:54,045
Because I don't want to.
128
00:04:54,113 --> 00:04:56,414
- You don't have to.
- Oh, thanks, Larry.
129
00:04:56,482 --> 00:04:58,382
Ooh. That doesn't
sound right.
130
00:04:58,451 --> 00:05:01,018
(gasps) Maybe I should pick
a vegetable for you.
131
00:05:03,623 --> 00:05:05,623
(video game noises on TV)
132
00:05:05,692 --> 00:05:07,725
Hey, Leonard, can you pause
the game for a second?
133
00:05:07,794 --> 00:05:10,461
- Uh, hang on.
- I'm about to beat Howard.
134
00:05:10,530 --> 00:05:11,796
What? Hey!
135
00:05:11,864 --> 00:05:13,397
What?
136
00:05:13,466 --> 00:05:14,832
He's our friend.
137
00:05:14,901 --> 00:05:17,001
What's up, pal?
138
00:05:18,738 --> 00:05:21,005
I... I don't know
how else to say this,
139
00:05:21,074 --> 00:05:24,775
but, um, Anu and I are going
to have sex tonight.
140
00:05:24,844 --> 00:05:27,211
Yeah...
141
00:05:28,314 --> 00:05:30,681
Do you know how creepy
that sounds?
142
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:33,017
Yeah...
143
00:05:35,488 --> 00:05:37,655
So, is this the first time?
144
00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:38,724
Yeah.
145
00:05:38,791 --> 00:05:40,691
- How you feeling about it?
- Uh...
146
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,293
to be honest,
I'm pretty anxious.
147
00:05:42,361 --> 00:05:45,529
I mean, this is the woman I'm
marrying-- what if it's no good?
148
00:05:45,598 --> 00:05:47,198
Do we break up?
Do we...
149
00:05:47,266 --> 00:05:50,134
sign on for a lifetime
of mediocre sex?
150
00:05:50,203 --> 00:05:52,236
Just don't put
so much pressure on it.
151
00:05:52,305 --> 00:05:54,305
It's always a little awkward
in the beginning.
152
00:05:54,373 --> 00:05:56,640
I remember the first time
I slept with Penny.
153
00:05:56,709 --> 00:05:57,709
It was bad?
154
00:05:57,744 --> 00:05:59,944
Oh, it was awesome!
155
00:06:02,515 --> 00:06:05,783
I will replay it in my head
until the day I die.
156
00:06:05,852 --> 00:06:07,818
WOLOWITZ: Well, if it helps,
I was really nervous
157
00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:09,587
my first time with Bernie.
158
00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:14,291
Mostly because I was worried
my mom would walk in.
159
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,059
Did she?
160
00:06:15,128 --> 00:06:17,428
Yea-- Yeah.
161
00:06:18,865 --> 00:06:20,209
BERNADETTE:
I'll tell you one thing.
162
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:22,266
Lock the door.
163
00:06:22,335 --> 00:06:24,635
Yeah, Raj, you're
gonna be fine.
164
00:06:24,704 --> 00:06:26,637
Just break out some
of your Kama Sutra moves.
165
00:06:26,706 --> 00:06:28,639
I don't really know
any of that stuff.
166
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,741
I just pretend I do
to impress women.
167
00:06:30,810 --> 00:06:31,742
And by the way,
168
00:06:31,811 --> 00:06:33,344
Anu is Indian--
she's gonna know
169
00:06:33,412 --> 00:06:36,914
there's no sexual position
called a "screeching lotus."
170
00:06:36,983 --> 00:06:38,849
Screeching lotus?
171
00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:41,619
Sometimes I get leg cramps.
It's my cover story.
172
00:06:42,722 --> 00:06:44,655
Look, she's probably
nervous, too.
173
00:06:44,724 --> 00:06:47,158
Yeah, what if you're great
and she's bad?
174
00:06:47,226 --> 00:06:48,325
How can she be bad?
175
00:06:48,394 --> 00:06:51,295
Raj, women can be
bad at sex, too.
176
00:06:51,364 --> 00:06:53,464
(laughs):
No, that's silly.
177
00:06:57,103 --> 00:06:59,303
Hey, have you checked
the dates on these?
178
00:06:59,372 --> 00:07:00,771
They're all expired.
179
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,741
You buy candy in a comic book
store, you get what you get.
180
00:07:05,044 --> 00:07:06,911
It's called
Lethal Weapon,
181
00:07:06,979 --> 00:07:08,679
but isn't that
redundant?
182
00:07:08,748 --> 00:07:10,815
Aren't weapons,
by their very nature, lethal?
183
00:07:10,883 --> 00:07:12,316
I suppose you're right.
184
00:07:12,385 --> 00:07:14,785
Yeah, and don't even get me
started on Unsolved Mysteries.
185
00:07:14,854 --> 00:07:17,221
I didn't get you started
on Lethal Weapon.
186
00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:20,991
All right, this is another one
of my favorite places,
187
00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:23,894
the comic book store.
Feel free to look around.
188
00:07:23,963 --> 00:07:27,765
Vintage comics in back,
vintage candy right here.
189
00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:29,867
What are you guys up to?
190
00:07:29,936 --> 00:07:32,436
Oh, father-in-law, son-in-law bonding.
It's going great.
191
00:07:32,505 --> 00:07:34,505
Look at what he bought me
at the train store.
192
00:07:34,574 --> 00:07:36,307
(blows whistle)
193
00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:39,443
Yeah, it sounded louder
in the car.
194
00:07:39,512 --> 00:07:40,978
Cool. Can I see it?
195
00:07:41,047 --> 00:07:42,047
Hmm? Sure.
196
00:07:43,149 --> 00:07:44,448
Oh. Interesting.
197
00:07:44,517 --> 00:07:47,051
I think this is one of those
disappearing whistles.
198
00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:49,119
What are you
talking about?
199
00:07:49,188 --> 00:07:50,387
(claps hands)
200
00:07:50,456 --> 00:07:51,755
Voilà!
201
00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:54,124
Amazing.
202
00:07:54,193 --> 00:07:57,027
Where did it go?
203
00:07:57,096 --> 00:07:58,929
Look in your pocket.
204
00:08:00,032 --> 00:08:01,332
(gasping):
Oh! Oh!
205
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,068
Oh, how did you do that?
206
00:08:06,205 --> 00:08:08,906
Sorry, a magician
never shares his secrets.
207
00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:10,052
I'll give you
a hundred bucks.
208
00:08:10,076 --> 00:08:11,642
Sold!
209
00:08:11,711 --> 00:08:12,711
Okay.
210
00:08:12,778 --> 00:08:14,445
Hey.
211
00:08:14,513 --> 00:08:16,614
- Where's my wallet?
- Voilà!
212
00:08:19,986 --> 00:08:22,119
Hey, Penny.
I need your help.
213
00:08:22,188 --> 00:08:24,121
I am freaking out.
214
00:08:24,190 --> 00:08:25,356
Okay, is she there yet?
215
00:08:25,424 --> 00:08:27,391
No, I got here first.
You know...
216
00:08:27,460 --> 00:08:30,227
get the lay of the land.
217
00:08:30,296 --> 00:08:32,062
Raj, it's gonna be okay.
Look, sex isn't
218
00:08:32,131 --> 00:08:33,864
the most important thing
in a relationship.
219
00:08:33,933 --> 00:08:38,035
My first time with Leonard
was nothing to write home about.
220
00:08:38,104 --> 00:08:39,203
Really?
221
00:08:39,272 --> 00:08:41,171
Yeah, but, you know,
over time it got better.
222
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,806
S-So practice makes perfect?
223
00:08:42,875 --> 00:08:45,643
Well, practice makes better.
224
00:08:46,712 --> 00:08:48,045
(phone chimes)
225
00:08:48,114 --> 00:08:51,215
Oh, my God, oh, my God, she just
texted. She's on her way up!
226
00:08:51,284 --> 00:08:52,983
Raj, calm down.
You got this.
227
00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:55,252
Yes. Thank you, thank you.
I got this.
228
00:08:55,321 --> 00:08:57,399
Just remember, the most
important thing is to have fun.
229
00:08:57,423 --> 00:08:59,690
Stop putting
so much pressure on me!
230
00:09:02,762 --> 00:09:04,795
Hi.
231
00:09:14,607 --> 00:09:16,774
Everything okay?
232
00:09:21,347 --> 00:09:23,614
Why are you acting
so weird?
233
00:09:26,919 --> 00:09:29,053
Raj? What's going on?
234
00:09:29,121 --> 00:09:30,621
(champagne cork pops)
235
00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:33,791
Be right out!
You look beautiful!
236
00:09:41,951 --> 00:09:45,152
Sorry, I had to use
the facilities.
237
00:09:46,355 --> 00:09:48,589
With a bottle of champagne?
238
00:09:48,657 --> 00:09:51,058
Mm, I like to celebrate
the little things in life.
239
00:09:52,294 --> 00:09:54,828
You need to go?
There's still some left.
240
00:09:56,155 --> 00:09:57,634
Raj, what is going on?
241
00:09:57,658 --> 00:09:59,467
No, no, it's not
what's going on,
242
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:01,401
it's what's comin' off.
243
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:02,703
Stop it.
244
00:10:02,771 --> 00:10:05,772
You're acting weird,
and it's freaking me out.
245
00:10:05,841 --> 00:10:08,375
Why? Because I couldn't talk
and ran in the bathroom
246
00:10:08,444 --> 00:10:10,210
to slug back a
bottle of champagne
247
00:10:10,279 --> 00:10:12,512
when I pretended to pee?
248
00:10:12,581 --> 00:10:14,815
Okay, I think I'm gonna leave.
249
00:10:14,884 --> 00:10:17,251
No, no, wait, wait,
don't-- okay, don't go.
250
00:10:17,319 --> 00:10:19,486
Fine. Then tell me
what's going on.
251
00:10:20,589 --> 00:10:22,387
Well, funny story...
252
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:23,037
The truth.
253
00:10:23,061 --> 00:10:25,342
Oh, God, the truth is
so not good for me!
254
00:10:29,732 --> 00:10:31,698
Voilà.
255
00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:33,033
Darn it.
256
00:10:33,102 --> 00:10:34,268
It's okay.
257
00:10:34,336 --> 00:10:35,802
Here, let me
show you again.
258
00:10:40,142 --> 00:10:42,910
It's like you're
actually magic.
259
00:10:44,446 --> 00:10:48,148
You can do that but you still
can't get my bra off.
260
00:10:49,718 --> 00:10:53,086
The rings don't roll
their eyes at me.
261
00:10:53,155 --> 00:10:56,556
Excuse me, Turnip,
we need to get going.
262
00:10:56,659 --> 00:10:59,927
But-but Howard was gonna show me
some close-up magic.
263
00:10:59,995 --> 00:11:01,595
Well, if you want
to see real magic,
264
00:11:01,664 --> 00:11:03,163
I'll take you
to Union Station,
265
00:11:03,232 --> 00:11:05,332
home to trains, subways
and busses that,
266
00:11:05,401 --> 00:11:08,635
every half hour-- voilà--
drive to the airport.
267
00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:10,971
I'd like to stay,
if you don't mind.
268
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,372
Oh, not at all.
269
00:11:12,441 --> 00:11:15,208
Howard. A word.
270
00:11:16,812 --> 00:11:18,312
What's up?
271
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:21,415
- I need you to stop being so delightful.
- What?
272
00:11:21,483 --> 00:11:22,794
I'm supposed to be
bonding with him.
273
00:11:22,818 --> 00:11:24,952
You have your own father-in-law;
leave mine alone.
274
00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:26,998
Tell you what, you take my
father-in-law, I'll take yours.
275
00:11:27,022 --> 00:11:28,262
I don't want
your father-in-law.
276
00:11:28,324 --> 00:11:31,858
What if I throw in
a quarter?
277
00:11:31,927 --> 00:11:34,227
Do it again.
Do it again.
278
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:38,966
Mrs. Fowler.
Mrs. Fowler.
279
00:11:39,034 --> 00:11:40,968
Mrs. Fowler.
280
00:11:42,404 --> 00:11:44,004
Sheldon, what's going on?
281
00:11:44,073 --> 00:11:45,305
Where is Larry?
282
00:11:45,374 --> 00:11:48,141
Oh, Turnip's out;
I'm bonding with you.
283
00:11:52,681 --> 00:11:55,849
Okay, you wanted the truth,
here it is.
284
00:11:55,918 --> 00:11:57,150
You have a drinking problem.
285
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:01,021
No. I, uh,
I have a talking problem,
286
00:12:01,090 --> 00:12:03,690
and a drinking solution.
287
00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:05,225
What does that mean?
288
00:12:05,294 --> 00:12:07,794
(sighs)
289
00:12:07,863 --> 00:12:11,231
Oh, Anu, for
most of my life,
290
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,300
I got so nervous
around women
291
00:12:13,369 --> 00:12:15,469
that I couldn't talk
to them without alcohol.
292
00:12:15,537 --> 00:12:18,438
So you've been drunk every time
we've seen each other?
293
00:12:18,507 --> 00:12:20,340
No. No. It hasn't
happened in a long time.
294
00:12:20,409 --> 00:12:21,975
And I really thought
I was over it,
295
00:12:22,044 --> 00:12:25,012
but I guess...
I-I don't know,
296
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,614
I guess I-I wanted so much
for tonight to go well,
297
00:12:27,683 --> 00:12:29,850
that I-I stressed
myself out.
298
00:12:29,918 --> 00:12:31,385
It came back.
299
00:12:31,453 --> 00:12:33,286
(sighs)
300
00:12:33,355 --> 00:12:35,389
Why didn't you tell me
about this before?
301
00:12:35,457 --> 00:12:38,158
I was embarrassed.
302
00:12:38,227 --> 00:12:40,127
I get that.
303
00:12:42,464 --> 00:12:43,830
If it makes you
feel any better,
304
00:12:43,899 --> 00:12:46,867
I've got things
I'm embarrassed about, too.
305
00:12:46,935 --> 00:12:49,302
Really? Will you
tell me one?
306
00:12:49,371 --> 00:12:52,272
Okay. Um...
307
00:12:52,341 --> 00:12:54,975
Ugh. I hate
telling people this.
308
00:12:55,044 --> 00:12:58,812
I don't like music.
309
00:12:58,881 --> 00:13:01,481
What kind of music?
310
00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:04,151
Just all of it.
311
00:13:05,387 --> 00:13:08,021
It sort of seems
like a waste of time.
312
00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:12,192
Even Beyoncé?
313
00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:13,827
See, this is why
I don't tell people.
314
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:15,495
No. Um, it's fine.
It's just,
315
00:13:15,564 --> 00:13:19,433
have you heard
"Single Ladies"?
316
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:21,268
Yeah, and I don't get it.
317
00:13:21,336 --> 00:13:23,503
I mean, the lyrics are
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
318
00:13:23,572 --> 00:13:27,274
Y-You have to sing it in
the voice of a goddess.
319
00:13:27,342 --> 00:13:29,142
Like: ♪ Oh, wa-ah, oh ♪
320
00:13:29,211 --> 00:13:30,644
♪ Wa-ah, oh ♪
321
00:13:30,712 --> 00:13:31,912
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
322
00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:34,414
♪ Wa-ah, oh. ♪
(laughs)
323
00:13:34,483 --> 00:13:38,251
My point is, we both have
our little eccentricities.
324
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,120
Little eccentricities?
325
00:13:40,189 --> 00:13:42,989
One is a deep-seated
psychological disturbance,
326
00:13:43,058 --> 00:13:45,392
and the other can be solved by
half a glass of chardonnay.
327
00:13:49,131 --> 00:13:52,933
So the doctor prescribed Nizoral
and it blocked enzyme action,
328
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:56,436
and the fungus
cleared right up.
329
00:13:56,505 --> 00:14:00,240
That's a very
disturbing picture.
330
00:14:00,309 --> 00:14:02,576
Yes, well, they say a picture's
worth a thousand words,
331
00:14:02,644 --> 00:14:05,445
but I say nothing beats a
picture and a thousand words.
332
00:14:05,514 --> 00:14:10,117
Still, you might want
to take it off Facebook.
333
00:14:10,185 --> 00:14:12,319
Oh, no. It's in my nature
to share.
334
00:14:12,387 --> 00:14:15,255
So, your turn.
335
00:14:15,324 --> 00:14:16,990
Uh, other than Amy,
336
00:14:17,059 --> 00:14:20,861
have you every had anything
removed from your body?
337
00:14:23,765 --> 00:14:26,833
I am not going to answer that.
338
00:14:26,902 --> 00:14:29,703
Smart. Save something for
our next get-together.
339
00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:32,572
Oh, we should commemorate
this one with a selfie.
340
00:14:35,878 --> 00:14:40,280
Oh, look at us,
two peas in a pod.
341
00:14:40,349 --> 00:14:41,848
Oh, speaking of vegetables,
342
00:14:41,917 --> 00:14:45,285
how about I start calling you
Old Lady Green Beans?
343
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:51,958
Hey, you look
deep in thought.
344
00:14:52,027 --> 00:14:54,694
- Ah, I'm just reflecting.
- About what?
345
00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:57,030
The first time
we slept together.
346
00:14:57,099 --> 00:14:59,733
Oh, honey. Don't beat
yourself up; it's great now.
347
00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:04,738
This is not good.
348
00:15:04,806 --> 00:15:06,206
Sheldon is hanging out
with my mom.
349
00:15:06,275 --> 00:15:07,474
Yeah. O-One sec.
350
00:15:07,543 --> 00:15:10,143
W-What do you mean,
"don't beat myself up"?
351
00:15:10,212 --> 00:15:12,279
AMY:
Guys, focus.
352
00:15:12,347 --> 00:15:14,314
My mom thinks
that Sheldon is the reason
353
00:15:14,383 --> 00:15:15,660
I don't spend a lot of time
with her.
354
00:15:15,684 --> 00:15:16,983
Well, why would
she think that?
355
00:15:17,052 --> 00:15:18,185
Because I told her.
356
00:15:18,253 --> 00:15:20,720
You need a cup of coffee?
Wake up!
357
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:23,223
So you've been using Sheldon
as an excuse
358
00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:24,858
to get out of
seeing your mother?
359
00:15:24,927 --> 00:15:26,626
(sighs) I know.
360
00:15:26,695 --> 00:15:28,228
I feel terrible.
361
00:15:28,297 --> 00:15:30,730
I love my mom but,
you know, sometimes...
362
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:33,733
Yeah. We-We've met her. Yeah.
363
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:36,436
And it's easier to say
I can't spend time with her
364
00:15:36,505 --> 00:15:40,540
because of Sheldon than to admit
that I just, I don't want to.
365
00:15:40,609 --> 00:15:42,342
Totally understandable.
366
00:15:42,411 --> 00:15:43,843
I'll ask again,
what do you mean,
367
00:15:43,912 --> 00:15:45,812
"don't beat myself up"?
368
00:15:47,249 --> 00:15:50,183
And then you ask me 20
questions to try to determine
369
00:15:50,252 --> 00:15:52,452
which Nobel Prize-winning
physicist I am.
370
00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:54,054
Ready? Go.
371
00:15:57,659 --> 00:16:00,160
Can I give up?
372
00:16:00,229 --> 00:16:02,862
No. 19 questions left.
373
00:16:02,931 --> 00:16:04,864
(ringtone playing)
374
00:16:09,738 --> 00:16:11,104
Are you gonna get that?
375
00:16:11,206 --> 00:16:12,973
Oh, no. We're in the
middle of a game.
376
00:16:15,277 --> 00:16:17,911
18 questions left.
377
00:16:19,615 --> 00:16:21,348
Answer the phone,
Sheldon.
378
00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:24,217
Hello, Amy.
379
00:16:24,286 --> 00:16:26,052
Hey, how's it going?
380
00:16:26,121 --> 00:16:29,289
Well, Howard lured your dad away
with magic,
381
00:16:29,358 --> 00:16:30,924
so now I'm bonding
with your mom.
382
00:16:34,029 --> 00:16:36,096
I think she likes me.
383
00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:40,066
I'd like you a lot better
384
00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:42,302
if you weren't keeping
my daughter away from me.
385
00:16:42,371 --> 00:16:43,670
Uh, wh-- Hang on, Amy.
386
00:16:43,739 --> 00:16:46,573
What's the problem,
Green Beans?
387
00:16:46,642 --> 00:16:49,909
Amy said she couldn't come
to Thanksgiving dinner
388
00:16:49,978 --> 00:16:52,145
because you always have
to spend it with your mother.
389
00:16:52,214 --> 00:16:54,614
I haven't spent Thanksgiving
with my mother in years.
390
00:16:55,984 --> 00:16:57,384
Amy, why would you tell
your mother
391
00:16:57,452 --> 00:16:59,052
that I spend Thanksgiving
with my mother?
392
00:16:59,121 --> 00:17:01,888
Uh, no time
to talk about that now.
393
00:17:01,957 --> 00:17:03,823
All your action figures
are on fire.
394
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,492
Harrison Ford's in the lobby.
Come quick.
395
00:17:08,964 --> 00:17:10,475
And Amy never joins us
for Sunday dinners
396
00:17:10,499 --> 00:17:12,599
because you refuse to go out
on a school night.
397
00:17:12,668 --> 00:17:15,235
Sh-- I can go out
on a school night
398
00:17:15,304 --> 00:17:17,470
as long as I'm in
my PJs by 10:00.
399
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,973
Sheldon, don't listen to her.
400
00:17:20,042 --> 00:17:21,319
She doesn't know
what she's talking about.
401
00:17:21,343 --> 00:17:24,277
She's crazy!
402
00:17:24,346 --> 00:17:26,112
Hello, Amy.
403
00:17:28,083 --> 00:17:29,316
Hello, Mother.
404
00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:36,156
Great news. We-we can come
for Thanksgiving this year.
405
00:17:37,592 --> 00:17:39,559
I can't believe it.
406
00:17:39,628 --> 00:17:41,328
All this time
I've been angry at you
407
00:17:41,396 --> 00:17:42,836
when I should have
been angry at Amy.
408
00:17:42,864 --> 00:17:45,365
Look at that.
We're both angry at Amy.
409
00:17:45,434 --> 00:17:48,068
Maybe that's something
we could bond over.
410
00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:50,437
Let me ask you this:
411
00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:52,505
how do you feel about Howard?
412
00:17:52,574 --> 00:17:56,209
Oh, is he that odd little friend
you have with the haircut?
413
00:17:56,278 --> 00:17:59,479
I may have married
the wrong Fowler.
414
00:18:02,017 --> 00:18:05,618
Why would Amy feel
the need to lie to me?
415
00:18:05,687 --> 00:18:07,065
Well, perhaps because
you're her mother
416
00:18:07,089 --> 00:18:08,569
and she didn't want
to disappoint you.
417
00:18:08,623 --> 00:18:10,523
Really?
418
00:18:10,592 --> 00:18:12,592
Even after she threw you
under the bus,
419
00:18:12,661 --> 00:18:14,294
you're still
gonna defend her.
420
00:18:14,363 --> 00:18:15,795
Oh, yes.
421
00:18:15,864 --> 00:18:17,430
She's my wife
and I love her.
422
00:18:17,499 --> 00:18:19,711
And if I can forgive her for
putting ketchup on her eggs,
423
00:18:19,735 --> 00:18:21,968
I can forgive her for this.
424
00:18:22,037 --> 00:18:25,739
Her father does that,
it's disgusting.
425
00:18:25,807 --> 00:18:29,008
Amy's crazy,
you are a delight.
426
00:18:37,452 --> 00:18:39,219
Good morning.
427
00:18:39,287 --> 00:18:40,920
Mm. Good morning.
428
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:42,322
I ordered some coffee for us.
429
00:18:42,391 --> 00:18:45,191
Oh, fantastic.
430
00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:46,826
(sighs)
431
00:18:46,895 --> 00:18:48,595
Last night was...
432
00:18:48,663 --> 00:18:50,330
wonderful.
433
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,900
(sighs) But all we
did was talk.
434
00:18:53,969 --> 00:18:56,503
Yeah. And it was wonderful.
435
00:18:56,571 --> 00:18:58,705
Am I safe to assume
you talking to me now
436
00:18:58,774 --> 00:19:00,774
is a good sign
for our marriage?
437
00:19:00,842 --> 00:19:03,143
(chuckles) Yeah,
and-and for my liver.
438
00:19:04,946 --> 00:19:06,479
Hey, about the other thing.
439
00:19:06,581 --> 00:19:08,381
Um...
440
00:19:08,450 --> 00:19:10,683
Should we just wait
for another night?
441
00:19:12,187 --> 00:19:15,355
Or I go take a shower,
442
00:19:15,424 --> 00:19:17,657
and you decide how
you want to play this.
443
00:19:23,632 --> 00:19:25,899
Take a shower with me, Raj.
444
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:36,372
Thank you, Amy.
445
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,252
It's so nice of you
to have us over for dinner.
446
00:19:38,276 --> 00:19:42,444
(chuckles) Couldn't think
of a single reason not to.
447
00:19:42,513 --> 00:19:44,780
Yeah, and boy,
did she try.
448
00:19:44,849 --> 00:19:46,749
Thank you, honey.
449
00:19:46,817 --> 00:19:49,451
Oh, you're welcome, dear.
450
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,054
Would anyone like to see the
magic trick Howard taught me?
451
00:19:52,123 --> 00:19:54,590
I'd love to see your trick,
Daddy.
452
00:19:57,929 --> 00:20:01,130
A perfectly ordinary
table knife.
453
00:20:01,198 --> 00:20:02,665
(exhales)
454
00:20:05,202 --> 00:20:07,336
Watch closely.
455
00:20:07,405 --> 00:20:09,538
Voilà.
456
00:20:09,607 --> 00:20:12,808
Oh, my gosh,
that was so good.
457
00:20:18,616 --> 00:20:21,317
Well, look,
there's fake blood, too.
458
00:20:23,287 --> 00:20:24,753
I'll be right back.
459
00:20:29,484 --> 00:20:32,085
I don't know about you,
but I don't really like magic.
460
00:20:32,154 --> 00:20:36,322
You just keep getting
better and better.
461
00:20:38,065 --> 00:20:45,065
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man