I thought running for class president would make me more popular,
change my life at Corleone,
but the more I campaigned, the more I just wanted to beat Caruso
by any means necessary.
Dude, I've got bad news.
The entire fourth-period English class is going to vote for Caruso.
All of them?
Yeah, he said if they don't, he's gonna kick the lit out of them.
I thought having DiPaolo with me would help me.
It would help more if you threatened to knock somebody's teeth out.
That's okay, he won't be able to do that at the town-hall meeting.
I may not be able to knock people out,
but I know I can answer some questions.
Take a look at this.
I think it'll help with the swing vote.
"Swing vote" meant "white vote."
- What's that? - I redid your posters.
We need to take advantage of DiPaolo being your running mate.
- Well, where's my name? - Down here.
I'd get votes if they didn't read fine print.
I'm the one running for president.
I think my name should be bigger than that.
I have another one.
White people at the beach?
No, happy white people at the beach.
Oh, Chris.
Oh, that's great.
- Where's your picture? - Next to Waldo.
Still working on that.
I was thinking we should have another opportunity
to hear our candidates in addition to the town-hall meeting.
- So prepare a speech. - A speech?
I never feared speaking in public, until I had to speak in public.
- No problem, Ms. Morello. - Okay.
No problem?
You ever written a speech before? I haven't.
Oh, by the way, are you gonna need an organ player?
Why would I need an organ player?
Well, you know, in case you catch the Holy Ghost.
No, I think I'll be okay.
Tambourine?
- I'm fine. - Good luck.
Didn't Ghostbusters already catch the Holy Ghost?
After trying to find a tenant to help my father make ends meet,
my mother thought she had found the perfect person:
Our neighbourhood funeral director, Mr. Omar.
- Oh, hello, Mr. Omar. - Oh, hello, Ms. Rochelle.
Is this Mrs. Omar?
No, this is Mrs. Johnson.
Mr. Omar and I are just friends.
Yeah, her husband recently passed and she's in mourning.
Sure she is.
Was it sudden?
Oh, yeah, yeah. He got stabbed on the subway.
Didn't see it coming.
Tragic, tragic.
I'll show you the apartment.
Okay.
Hey, I love this wood.
- Don't you love this wood? - Yes, I love this wood.
We gonna get through this together.
So here we go. Come on in. Come on in.
- Not bad, not bad. - So over here, we have a kitchenette.
And over there is the bedroom.
Hey, Ma, I forgot my lunch.
All right, see you later, Ma.
Oh, cool.
Drew was lucky to pick up that $ 10 before the mice got ahold of it,
because they was gonna buy some cheese.
What's the matter?
The speech.
I've never given a speech before.
I don't know if I can do this.
I don't wanna get up there and put people to sleep.
There's no reason to be nervous.
I've been working on some bullet points,
and I guarantee you nobody's going to sleep through this.
"The geopolitical infrastructure of Corleone."
"Trading arms for hostages"? "Post-war Grenada"?
Good, huh? I've got more stuff too.
On Noriega and the fallacy of trickle-down economics.
Wait.
"The fallacy of trickle-down economics"?
Greg, this is the eighth grade.
Yeah, but it's trickling down to us.
I want a speech that will get people excited.
I want a speech that will get people to vote for me.
Mostly, I want a speech I can remember.
I hear you.
You need a good hook.
After researching some of the greatest speeches ever,
I tried a few on for size.
Four score and seven years ago,
our fathers brought forth to this country a n...
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Don't vote for him, vote for me.
Come on, this is serious.
I am not a crook.
Come on, now you're just making stuff up.
Once you go black, you never go back.
Are you trying to get us killed?
Segregation now, segregation tomorrow.
- Segregation forever. - What are you thinking?
I think we've looked at every speech in every book here.
I should say, "Vote for me. You know I won't kick the crap out of you."
We better make a good showing at this town-hall meeting.
- Baby, I need $10. - What for?
Because I'm going to get my hair done, and I have 10, but I need 20.
What is he doing up there?
I guess he's listening to music.
Pete Escovedo, I think.
Well, could you tell him to keep it down?
I gotta get some sleep.
Okay, baby, I'll tell him.
Mr. Omar had just moved into the house
and had already made himself at home.
Who are you?
Mrs. Morales. Can I help you?
- Oh, is Mr. Omar here? - Hold on.
Omar.
Oh, hello, Ms. Rochelle.
Am I interrupting something?
Oh, no, I was just about to come to you.
Do you have a face towel I could borrow?
Oh, yeah, and some shampoo too.
I'll check.
I just wanted to say, we don't have many rules for our tenants,
but my husband works at night and he sleeps during the day.
So if you could keep the music down a little bit,
we'll really appreciate that.
- Oh, no problem. - Thank you.
Oh, don't forget the face towel and the shampoo.
I thought I would be nervous when I got in front of that audience,
but for the first time, I had more confidence than ever.
Hey, look, it's Frank and Sammy.
That's all right, because after this, you're the one that's gonna be singing:
These are the breaks Break it up, break it up, break down
All right, everybody. Take your seats.
We will now begin our town-hall meeting
so you can get to know the candidates.
Let's have the first question with Mr. Caruso.
Yes.
If you were elected, what flavour would you pick for the cafeteria Jell-O?
Grape.
Grape today, grape tomorrow, grape forever.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, this is gonna be easy.
Who's got a question for Chris?
In a perfect utilitarian society,
where would a learning institution like Corleone,
position itself vis-ΰ-vis the prevailing monetary laws
regarding the national position on the Krugerrand?
- What? - In a perfect utilitarian society...
I heard you, but I don't know.
Grape?
All right, do we have another question for Mr. Caruso?
Mr. Burr.
Where do you stand on access for the handicapped?
Ramps.
Ramps now, ramps tomorrow, ramps forever.
- Yeah. - Yes.
- I have a question.
What's your position on detention?
Detention now, detention tomorrow and detention forever.
What were you thinking?
Detention now, detention forever?
Nice going, Thunderthumbs.
- Oh, man. - Idiot.
We'll get them with the speech.
Yeah. Now all we have to do is write one.
While I was debating Caruso,
my brother was debating what to buy with the $ 10 he found.
Hey, young bro, what's happening?
Hey, Risky. Hey, man, what you got for $10?
Ten dollars, huh? Oh, I got this leopard hat.
No, I want something cool.
Man, cooler than a leopard hat?
- Yeah. - Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah.
How about an Olympic torch? Olympic torch right here.
And that's from this year's Summer Olympics.
- And how'd you get it? - From Mary Lou Retton, man.
Are you buying or are you asking questions?
What else you got?
How about a wallet? Snakeskin wallet too.
Coral, rattle, I don't know, but it's from my grandmama's backyard.
Yeah, I need a wallet to put my $10 in.
- Yeah, there you go. - How much?
- Ten dollars. - I'll take it.
The Indians made a similar deal for Manhattan.
All right, brother. Have a good time and enjoy.
Chris, go get the door.
Hey, Drew.
I'm Chris.
Hey, Chris. Is your mother home?
Ma?
- Come in. - All right.
Chris, go tell your daddy dinner's ready.
Hey, Mr. Omar.
Well, good evening, Ms. Rochelle. This is my friend, Mrs. Taylor.
Oh, we know each other.
We both used to sell Yvonne products.
Yes, yes, how you doing?
- I'm good, how you doing? - Okay.
So how do you know Mr. Omar?
Well, we met at my ex-husband's brother's funeral.
Yeah, got hit by a bus.
Very sad.
Well, can I help you with something?
Well, I just wanted to stop by and tell you I love the apartment.
Great, great, great.
Well, thanks for stopping by.
Well, we're about to go and get something to eat,
and I notice you're about to have dinner too.
Oh, yeah, we were about to sit down.
We might as well join you.
While Mr. Omar was chowing down,
my father's blood pressure was going up.
Oh, no, no, I'll take the big one, baby.
So where are the kids?
They're having dinner in their rooms.
Oh, y'all got any more corn bread?
Yeah, it's in the kitchen.
Honey, will you help me get some more corn bread?
Oh, it's right on the stove.
I really need your help.
Now, you see, that's what I'm talking about.
That's what a real relationship is all about.
Bible says behind every great man is a great woman.
- You're on it, brother. - I like that.
- Thank you. - You got it.
- We'll get some more corn bread. - All right.
- Come on. - Be right back.
Why did you invite him to dinner?
I didn't invite him. He just showed up.
How am I to relax if you keep bringing home people for me to feed?
He's not talking about Mr. Omar, he's talking about the kids.
- Baby, I just couldn't say no. - Why not?
Because I didn't wanna be impolite.
You know I like to make a good impression.
Making a good impression was important to my mother.
- What are you doing? - I'm spraying for ants.
Didn't we call the exterminator?
I don't want him to think we got ants.
Why are we trying to make a good impression?
Just a tenant? For goodness' sakes.
And I hear you making that face.
Hey, Mom. Can I have some more vegetables?
Oh, sure you can, son.
There you go.
Hey, what's it like being around dead people all the time?
Drew, that is not dinner conversation.
- Now go on upstairs. - Oh, that's all right.
The boy's just curious.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Julius.
- Did you want any more of this? - No, no, I'm fine.
- It's a good dinner, isn't it? - Thank you.
I could do this every week.
- Every week? - I'm sure glad I came down here
before I spent my good money.
We better get down to the auditorium.
- You ready? - Yep, I got my speech right here.
You got any idea what Caruso's gonna say?
No.
Whatever he's got, it can't be better than this.
Thanks, Kashif.
I guess great artists do steal.
How much did that cost?
Don't play with me, Julius.
I went to the beauty parlour and found out I lost $10.
And Vanessa, my so-called friend, would only curl half my hair.
Did you see my money laying around here somewhere?
Here's how that sounded to my father:
I went to the beauty parlour
and discovered that I lost my $10.
You lost $10?
That's $10 worth of dollars.
Baby, don't worry, I know it's gotta be laying around here somewhere.
Drew, Tonya, come down here.
You sure nobody went in your purse?
Maybe, but I know it wasn't one of my kids.
We all knew better than that.
We knew the legend of the boy who went in his mother's purse.
Did you go in my purse?
No, no.
- What? - No.
Tell the truth, baby. I'll let you go.
Okay, I did.
Drop his ass.
I told you I'd let you go.
Mama, what's wrong?
Did one of y'all find $10?
I didn't.
He couldn't have looked guiltier if his lawyer was Johnnie Cochran.
- Drew? - Was it on the stairs?
Was it on the stairs?
Boy, if I knew where I lost it, I would have it right now.
I should snatch the scabs off of you.
Next time you find money around this house, let me know.
- Do you understand me? - Yes, ma'am.
Good. Boy done lost his mind.
- Give me my $10. - I spent it.
Oh, no, you didn't.
You owe me $10.
Please, just get out of my sight. Go, just go.
Can you believe...?
The one time I thought I had Caruso beat,
he pulled something that even I couldn't believe.
Men should be judged not by the colour of their skin,
but by the content of their character.
And in closing, I'd like to say keep hope alive.
Keep hope alive, keep hope alive.
Caruso wouldn't know Jesse Jackson from Reggie Jackson.
You can't go out there. You don't have a speech.
You're gonna lose.
I'm not gonna win if I stay back here.
Upside your head.
The next politician to use that move was Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
Settle down, settle down.
That was Joey Caruso, who's running for...
What are you gonna say?
I don't know.
Well, it was a good run.
Yeah, I guess.
Now I'm gonna introduce the nominee for eighth-grade vice president,
Frankie DiPaolo and his running mate, Chris.
Sorry, man.
Even though I didn't have a speech, I did have something to say.
When I decided to run for eighth-grade class president,
I was running for a lot of different reasons.
What I never really asked myself was did I really wanna be class president?
Well, I do.
You know, I don't know what I can do as class president.
This is what I'm gonna try to do.
I'm gonna try to get you lockers with combinations that work.
I'm tried of coming in to my locker and seeing that everything I own is gone.
I'm gonna try to get you textbooks from this decade.
I've got a textbook that says that Dwight Eisenhower is president.
Who is Dwight Eisenhower?
I don't know.
What about that lunchroom food?
I had some Jell-O last week that was harder than the bowl.
And what's with all the salami?
Did someone vote for salami?
Do we have any bologna?
- Yeah. - Ham?
Can I get a slice of cheese?
And if we have hot dogs on Tuesday, I don't wanna have hot dog casserole
Wednesday and Thursday, and then franks and beans on Friday.
Change it up.
And do we have to say the Pledge of Allegiance every day?
It's a pledge.
We can say it once.
What, they don't trust us or something?
And how about we get field trips
to places where people actually wanna go?
I'm not going to the botanical gardens one more time.
How about Coney Island?
Or Times Square?
Let's go see the Knicks.
Let's go see the Yankees.
Heck, I'll even go see Cats.
But if I go to the botanical gardens one more time,
I'm gonna slap the sap out of somebody.
Now, I know it's been a long time coming,
but as your eighth-grade class president,
I promise you, a change is gonna come.
My name is Chris,
and I'm running for your eighth-grade class president.
Chris, Chris, Chris.
It was great to hear a crowd say my name and not follow it with:
"Let's get him."
The winner of the student government election
for eighth-grade class president is:
Chris.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Yes.
- Yes. - Yeah.
I wanted to become class president
because I wanted people to believe in me,
but the only reason I won was because I believed in myself.
- Hey, Dad. - Hey.
Good morning, Mr. President.
Becoming class president really did change things.
For one, my family was really proud of me.
My man.
Now that you're class president, can you start a war?
No.
Hey, Chris, I bet now you'll get all kinds of girls.
Drew, you do not use the presidency to get girls.
Too easy.
- I'm really proud of you, son. - Thanks, Dad.
Yep, class president felt really good,
but later that night, I had a dream.
Oh, my God.