Good news, everyone. I arrested our sniper.
One Flora Wilson.
Do you know her?
No, no!
I know a lot of wrong 'uns turns up here.
I do hope she's not a lovely lass
because I hear they're going to hang her.
There's going to be an enquiry. After what you did to Mr Larkham.
- I barely touched him. - Mr Larkham, everyone needs a friend
in the station. I could be such a friend.
I love you lot.
Let us know a little bit about how your station works.
Police reform is high on our list.
Definitely.
There she is.
Flora, is it?
Pig shit, is it?
I prefer Inspector Rabbit.
Now, before you swing like a chimp's ball sack,
I want a list of everyone you've done in.
You better fuck off, mate. What you don't see, and all that.
I'm going to get you out of here.
You can't. It's too late for me, Rabbit.
How many have you killed?
Tomorrow at 11.00 they're going to take you to Pentonville
where you're going to hang at noon
but I'll be waiting wearing a hood
to cosh the guards and crack open the van.
I'm saying nothing, pig. They all deserved it.
I can't be doing over a prison van. They'll hang us both.
- Only if they catch us. - You really going to bust me out on your own?
Yeah, cos I love ya! And always will!
- You shouted that. - Shit!
Is what your victims said.
- Good recovery. - Not bad, eh?
Mmm...
Tanner's report goes up to the Assistant Commissioner today.
They won't do nothing.
They need bastards like me.
The scum do need taking out.
But what if it doesn't go your way?
Then I'm toast.
Well, I for one would jolly well miss you, sir.
You're a good boy but I got bigger things on me mind.
Such as?
Look, I might need to nip off later.
- When? - About six minutes past eleven.
Are you hiding something from me again?
- What did we agree about that? - Help!
- He's got the girls. - Who has?
He's shot Big Sam.
He ran into the match factory on Lime Street
and they were shouting and then shooting
and then he said I've got poisoned gas. I'll kill the fucking lot of you.
He's going to kill all!
That's the thing about Rabbit.
He punches first and then forgets what the question was.
And would you say the inspector is under...
.. particular pressure at the moment?
Lydia...?
Why do you give a dog's dangler about Rabbit?
He's a high-functioning fried breakfast
who's afraid of the countryside and can't spell the word "Wednesday".
Why does a woman's organisation need to know this stuff?
Mabel...
Do you remember how you felt
when you were made a real policewoman?
Yeah. It was like an orgasm.
If women had those.
Well, you're still the only one.
It's a very precarious position.
You need to keep your friends on side, don't you?
So tell me more about Rabbit.
How's he coping?
Well, all right, OK. So thing is about Rabbit,
is he doesn't have his own teeth.
He's got a gun!
He's up there.
It were only me who got out.
But I left my tin lunchbox up there.
It's got a kitten on the front of it.
My mum'll kill me if I lose it.
- What's your name? - Tilly.
We'll get your mates out of there, Tilly. Don't you worry.
Sergeant Strauss, can you lead the hunt for the missing lunchbox?
It shall be found, ma'am.
Right, let's get this over with quick.
I need a clean head shot.
I should have had a drink.
Sir, stop. He's holding a lever.
If he lets go, that'll release the poisoned gas.
Dead man's switch. Bugger!
Hetty's in there.
She's eight months with child.
I've got to save her.
No, you don't. You take this.
Go and get yourself a cup of tea from the market.
By the time you get back, this'll all be sorted.
I like coffee. Coffee's tuppence.
Go on.
- I've seen some of the girls have a biscuit with it. - Oh, you're kidding.
Run!
Excuse me, we do need to clear the area. Is that work very important?
Yeah.
Inspector, we've got a problem here.
- What is it? - Electricity.
Doesn't exist. Tell him to bugger off.
Murdering lady hangs at noon!
Expected to swing like the balls of a chimp!
Guv, siege at the match factory. Rabbit's down there.
As police or perpetrator?
Police, I think.
Always worth checking.
Well, off I fucking go.
He should shit or get off the pot.
For once, Trevor, you speak the bloody truth.
So which way is this going to go, Tanner? Hm?
Our way, or is your report on our friend Rabbit
going straight into the round filing cabinet?
That's a clever way of saying "bin" that I invented.
I'm confident they'll stick him to the wall, sir.
I included every last misdeed that bastard has ever committed.
Ah, here we go.
- Fuck! - By order of the Assistant Commissioner,
for violent conduct,
Inspector Rabbit will give up his truncheon for one week.
Wisbech fixed it. I should have guessed.
Rabbit always was his favourite little pet.
The question, Tanner, is what are you going to do about it?
Excuse me. Police coming through. Thank you.
I can't believe you're having an armed siege without me.
It wasn't in the diary. More of a spontaneous thing.
Stop crying. If you don't shut up I'll start shooting, I will.
Right. This needs finishing quicker than a vicar's wank.
Oi! Sunbeam!
I'm Inspector Rabbit.
Now, you need to calm down so we can sort this bollocks out.
What are your demands?
- I'm not telling you. - You what?
What are your demands?
What are my demands?
I don't know. You throw your gun out the window
and let the girls out the front door.
They won't stop snivelling.
If I'm honest, there's no point killing them.
Most of those girls will be dead by the end of the year of phosphorus poisoning.
Personally, I blame the managers.
Really? I've got a manager in here.
Have you?
Oh, gawd!
I did him. Like you told me to.
I didn't exactly, but I got your attention, which is good.
Now, do you reckon we could wrap this up in the next ten to fifteen,
cos I really gotta be somewhere?
You're trying to confuse me.
You shut up!
Shut up or I'll shoot your cock off.
Into there.
- That stopped the chat. - Certainly did.
I'd have hell of a job finding another.
Right. Let's have a little ride across town, shall we?
Why not?
I like a ride.
- Message for Sergeant Strauss. - Oh, thank you.
Here you are.
What is it?
It's nothing.
- Oh, no. - Why d'you kiss it?
- I didn't. - He's in love again.
- Some people never learn. - It isn't that.
All right, it is that.
I've finally met someone and she's tender and gentle and...
- And a serial killer. - Like the history twat.
We all have our type.
I know I've been unlucky in love but this time it's for real.
- Well, we'd love to meet her. - Yeah. Do you have visiting hours?
Right then. What's he after?
I don't know. He hasn't said.
Bloody inconsiderate.
If he won't say what he wants, how can I tell him he can't have it?
Look, guv, I can't stay here for long...
You'll stay until it's bloody sorted.
And I want it sorted now.
Well, that's good then.
I'm going to throw a cordon around the cordon.
You can never have enough cordons,
despite what people say.
Ooh, don't touch it. It might be poisoned.
Leave this to me. I studied toxicology at college.
Now, this paper tells us the pH.
This tests for thallium.
All I have to do is...
It's fine.
What does it say?
Great news! Here at Fromond and Jones matches
only seven girls fell into a phosphorus coma last year
- thanks to our... - Turn over.
"Please help us.
"Hetty not looking well.
"Tell our mums we love them." And then there's a picture.
- It's a spider in a tree. - Now, this could be a clue.
The hostage taker's name is...
.. Mr Spidertree.
Nobody's called Mr Spidertree.
Mr Treespider? Or Mr Plant-Creepy-Crawly.
Or his name's Plantcreepy and he lives in Crawley.
It's a hand and it's a tattoo.
So we need to find whoever has this tattoo.
But he could still live in Crawley.
Who would know every tattooed lowlife in the East End?
- Oh, no. - Oh, yes, Strauss.
Go and get John Merrick, otherwise known by many as the Elephant Man.
Assistant Commissioner, I see you haven't followed up
on my recommendations vis-a-vis Inspector Rabbit.
I'm a little bit disappointed. I won't lie to you.
My decision is final.
What if I were to bribe you?
You clearly know nothing about me.
Well, then, let's get to know each other, shall we? I'll start.
In the Sudan, this young bugler couldn't get his boot off,
asked if I could help him. "All right," I said.
I gave it a yank, but it was jammed hard and blow me down
if his whole bleedin' leg didn't come off into my hand,
along with his trousers and his tunic.
You see, the rot hadn't only spread up his leg,
it had gone all the way up to his neck.
After a brief chat,
I picked up an ammunitions box
and dropped it on his head.
A kindness.
I actually had to do it twice because I half missed the first time
but the point is you now know how kind I can be.
How kind can you be?
If there were a bribe...
.. it would have to be a very big one.
For that I would have to have a very, very rich friend.
Morning, Joe.
Oh, I bloody hate mornings.
Never freak before 3.00. That's my motto.
But your boy was insistent.
I was polite but firm.
Oh, were you now?
I want you to have a look at this.
We reckon the bloke up there has this tattoo
but we don't know his name.
Give me back my money, you shit!
Not him. No, no, no! Anyone but him.
100 bloody guineas you owe me, you bastard tealeaf!
You keep him away or I'll kill everyone.
Whoa! Whoa! You know him then?
Patrick Levant. He auditioned for my show.
So I says, "Will you get covered in tattoos?
"You could be our incredible tattooed man."
"Yes," says he, so I gave him some money.
After just one tattoo he's mewling like a baby.
"Oh, it hurts! Oh, they used a dirty needle!
"I have six forms of hepatitis."
Well, we all make sacrifices, love.
- Then what happened? - He ran away with the rest of the tattoo money.
Well, I've found you now, you bleeder!
- You get back. - Not until I get my wedge, son.
Mr Merrick, he's holding a large tube of poisoned gas.
I couldn't give a cabbie's knackers.
Oh, wait. I could get good money for that down the market.
No! No!
The canister, please, Levant.
- You're mad. - Technically it belongs to me.
And your gun, and the bullets.
In fact, give me all the bullets from your gun immediately.
Shit!
Not like that, you thick puffin.
Come on, Mr Merrick. It's for your own but mainly other people's good.
Now, push off.
This is tailored, you know.
The Elephant never buys off the peg.
Right, a nine-layer cordon. Personal best. What's the news?
We got a name, guv. Patrick Levant.
11:00. I gotta go.
Now? Where?
- Nowhere. - Whatever it is you need to do, can't I do it?
No, no, no. You need to stay where it's safe.
Here, at the armed siege.
Guv, you take over.
What?
Bloody hell!
Mr Levant, my name is Chief Inspector Wisbech.
I only speak to Rabbit.
It's the girl, Hetty, sir.
She's gone into labour.
This is a trick. He stays here or I let go of this and everybody dies.
You seem to be well in with all the nutters, Rabbit, I'll give you that.
I'll get a nurse.
Patrick, pal...
Are we pals?
Feels like we are.
Having a chat in the pub.
One with a whisky, one with a switch
that could gas an entire room of young women.
Patrick, you need to let the pregnant girl go.
Nobody leaves.
What if someone takes Hetty's place?
You'll have the same number of hostages and you've lost nothing.
All right.
But they come in unarmed.
Inspector, I volunteer.
Strauss, you are turning into one fucking amazing copper.
Thank you, sir.
I will confess that day when you walked in
I thought who the hell is this streak of piss knob lord?
- Yes, I knew that. - And to be honest, I've been thinking that ever since.
I didn't know that.
Listen, you got what it takes.
You have the biggest pair of balls I've ever seen.
That is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me.
Here goes.
That's called the sleight of handcuff trick.
You ain't learned everything.
The only way out of this is to go further in.
Flora, I'll save you. Patrick, I'm coming in.
Open your coat.
Up the stairs, come on.
- All right. - Flora? Don't you mean Hetty?
- Got no tricks? - No, no tricks, Patrick.
Hello, ladies. I'm guessing you're Hetty.
I'm your replacement, so off you go.
Oh, thank you.
What you called? Can I name the baby after you?
My name's Rabbit.
- Oh, fuck that! But thanks all the same. - All right.
- Come on, easy. - Calm down.
- Pop yourself there. - OK.
What happened there?
The dog chewed if off last Christmas Eve.
I got a question. What's with the poisoned gas?
This is a match factory. Everything's flammable.
One spark and this whole place'll go up like fucking Guy Fawkes night.
Sorry, girls.
Shut up!
Well, if you ain't gonna say something at least give me something to read.
Take that and shut up.
Where's Rabbit?
Swapped himself for a hostage. It's the bravest thing I ever saw, Mabel.
All right, love. This way, this way.
- Having your first? - Third.
You've been busy. You don't look more than 23.
- I'm 17. - I'm not judging. I'm not judging.
How can we help him?
Er... Hang on. Where's the note?
Oh, yes.
"My dearest Wilbur...
- "My heart trembles..." - No, the note from the match girls.
Oh, yes.
Da-da-da-da...
"Only seven girls fell into a phosphorous coma last year
"thanks to our patented airflow system."
Why don't you have any demands?
- Stop talking to me. - And what did you do with Elephant Man's money?
Can't remember.
There's a shiny patch on your waistcoat where your watch was.
I reckon you sold it.
And your paper, it's open on the racing results.
- You need to shut your mouth. - Do I now?
You fancy a wager, Patrick?
Ten shillings says you can't hold that lever for another 20 minutes.
- Stop it! - All right, make it 15.
Or a quid. Or let's make it really interesting.
- How about a fiver? - No!
Cos you like a gamble, don't you, Patrick? You like a flutter.
Probably a bit too much. You got family and kids?
Is that a "yes, I've got kids"
or "no, they were wiped out
"and if you mention them again I'll blow your bleedin' head off"?
Yes, I've got kids.
I think you've got a story to tell, ain't you, Patrick?
You just need someone to tell it to.
Maybe I'm your man.
Come on, Rabbit.
I believe in you, Rabbit, you stupid bloody bastard.
Rabbit!
Now, I'm not emotionally literate, but I would say
that you're on the edge.
I told you to stop talking!
Most villains, they'd be loving this power, but you aren't.
Which makes me think that you ain't one.
Yeah, well, you don't know me, do you?
I know that you're a gambling man who's in the shit.
There's something else, ain't there? Someone's got to you.
- Someone's pulling your strings, boy. - Shut up!
And it's driving you potty. Who are they?
I'm going to blow your head off.
Then I'll ask you through my neck hole. Who are they?
I didn't want to do any of this, you know.
None of it.
It's just I owe money, a shit load, and not just to Merrick.
Worse people.
And those people said they'd harm Ruth and the kids.
But then they came to me.
They?
No, no, no, mate. Look at me. Who are they?
I don't know. They just said they'd take away the debts.
Look after the family. I had to do something for them.
- Who's "they", Patrick? - I don't know. They wouldn't let on.
You must have met one of them.
They said I shouldn't tell anyone, especially not you.
But you're dying to tell someone, aren't you?
A woman, elegant like.
She had a cigarette case with a weird symbol.
It was like an eye with arrows coming out of it.
Look what I found, choir boy.
Bollocks!
- This symbol could be a clue. - Doubt it.
- What about that secret society carry-on? - Total bollocks.
The secret society is twollocks!
That's what Mabel's been banging on about.
Wait. She told you not to tell me?
Why me?
She said just keep him at the factory till noon.
And don't trust him cos he'll...
She said don't let the girls go!
Now, you tricked me.
No. You tricked me, you bastard.
I should be out there saving the girl I love from the gallows
and instead, I'm in here with you, you lanky fuck.
It's nearly 12:00. After that you can go.
No. I can go right now.
Rabbit!
I can't let you.
I'm so sorry.
You're alive!
- That secret society. - Yeah? - It's real.
- I know. I told you. - There's a mole.
A mole!
- A mole? - A mole!
What's Rabbit's route to work?
Past the Ten Bells, the White Hart and the match factory.
A mole.
Please will you let Tilly know I will recover her lunchbox.
Who's Tilly?
Young girl. Works with you.
Escaped when he shot Big Sam.
Don't know any Tilly.
Oh.
Strauss, this might be a mad thought.
You know your lady friend? She's not called Lydia, by any chance?
- Clementine. - Thank God for that.
She gave me a photograph.
Now, you can see part of her shoulder.
Please don't be shocked.
I've finally met a good one, haven't I?
No! Flora!
No!
Laugh...
.. and the world laughs with you. Weep...
.. and you weep alone. Another whisky, Gwen.
You've drunk it all.
Well, how about that dusty bottle?
That dusty bottle has been on that shelf since 1790
when my grandad took over.
Then you'd better bring it over.
Forget it.
Ah, Rabbit, I thought I'd find you here.
I bring big news from the station.
My God! Look at the state of you.
How's your eye?
It appears the Assistant Commissioner has decided
to follow my recommendations after all.
He's fired you, Rabbit.
You ain't a copper no more.
Now I think I'll press charges.
They'll throw you in jail with the scum you've put away.
Ooh, they'll have some fun with you in there.
Well...
If I ain't a copper no more...
.. there's not a lot stopping me
from doing...
.. this.
Get out of my pub, mucker of the yard.
I ain't gonna say it nice twice.
Piss off.
Ain't been a good day, I grant you,
but don't get the morbs.
Things'll look better in the morning.
They'd better look better.
It couldn't get much worse.
You would.
What the shit...?
Police! Coming in!