Move it, newbies.
- Sorry. - Sorry.
How did he know we were new?
Maybe 'cause we're cowering in fear.
Speak for yourselves.
I can't wait to meet our chief resident.
Rumor has it she's a real hard-ass.
Oh!
That must be her.
Oh, God, she's terrifying.
Hello, everyone.
You must be the internal medicine residents.
Yes, ma'am. Here and ready.
Oh, gosh. What a pleasure to meet you.
Should we go around and introduce ourselves?
- Excellent idea. I'm Daniel Kutcher. - Mm.
I went to Duke, and I've published
in The New England Journal of Medicine.
Two times.
Very impressive.
Uh, I'm Lexie Gilani.
- Mm-hmm. - I grew up here in Southern California.
I had a dog named Duke
- that I successfully diagnosed with parvo. - Oh.
He died.
I'm very nervous.
I'm Caleb Sommers.
He/Him.
I just returned from Guatemala,
where I practiced medicine in the rain forest
and I got a tapeworm.
Wow.
What an exceptional group of people.
I'm Carol Kenney.
I'm very into secondary infections,
and I am so excited to be here!
Will we be starting rounds right away?
I hope so. I've waited a long time for this day.
A long time to be... chief resident?
Me?
You think I'm chief resident?
No! No, this is my first day.
I'm an intern, just like you.
But you have a clipboard.
Yes. I love clipboards.
But you have a long coat, like a resident.
Oh, it's not a long coat.
I'm just short.
But you're...
Older. Yes, I know.
Yeah. This is my second career.
I mean, I always wanted to be a doctor,
but life got away from me.
Oh.
Were you in a coma?
No.
Got married young, had kids,
taught high school science.
So, why med school?
I lost a bet.
No, I'm kidding.
My marriage fell apart.
My husband went off to find himself,
and now he's sleeping on his sister's futon,
and I'm a doctor, so life is good.
So, if you're an intern, then where's the chief resident?
Start the patient in 24 on vancomycin,
and order a CVC stat.
I need a spinal tap kit in room eight
and a central line in rooms ten and 11, and good morning.
I am Dr. Maya Jacobs, your chief resident.
- Whoa. - Hey, Dr. Jacobs.
They thought I was you. Isn't that funny?
Very.
Internal medicine residents,
welcome to Loyola Memorial Hospital.
Today, you are doctors.
Oh, my God, it's so exciting, I just...
This year will be the hardest of your life.
The learning curve is steep, and the hours are demanding.
Many residents don't survive.
Some quit or, worse, become dentists.
Geez.
You have a comment?
I'm sorry.
Did not mean to interrupt.
It's just that fear is
a terrible way to motivate people.
I-I was a teacher, and I found that
my students responded best to encouragement.
And, you know, neuroscience is completely behind this. Oh.
I read a great article in The Lancet.
I will send it to you.
You're gonna need my log-in.
Username is CarolKenKen, and password is MamaDoc63.
I am your boss,
not your friend.
I'm here for two reasons:
to teach you how to save lives
and to determine which of you can cut it
and which of you can't.
Let's move.
Was she looking at me when she said that?
She looked right at me. Wow, she is fast.
Ah, new crop of interns.
Is it just me, or do they get younger every year?
Not just you, Dr. Frost.
I think one of them brought their mom.
Patient is a 38-year-old male,
admitted four days after a minor car accident,
complaining of fatigue and headaches.
What are his related health factors, Dr. Sommers?
Huh? Uh, bluh, di-di-di-dah.
Uh, looks like a history of migraines?
Correct. Next time, be prepared.
She can't yell at what she can't see.
You think his migraines
have something to do with this?
Here. Here you go. I always carry a spare.
Aw. The gel pen my neighbor Phyllis got me in Japan.
And how do your migraines typically present?
Dizziness.
I get those flashy lights.
Wh-What are they called?
- Aur... - Auras.
Yeah, my uncle had migraines like that.
They're commonly stress-related, and...
Long story short,
yoga helped him with his migraines
but not with his alcoholism, and he died.
Next steps. Dr. Kutcher.
Probable causes include subdural hematoma,
Chiari malformation.
Start with a head CT and blood work.
Excellent, Dr. Kutcher.
That is how, and when, to speak on rounds.
Let's move.
No, what did she say?
Head CT? Is that a CAT scan?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CT is a CAT scan.
You'll have the results this afternoon.
Oh, thanks. Sorry, I'm a mess.
This has been stressful.
Oh, of course it has.
Uh, here. Need a hair tie?
Yes.
Thank you. What are you, Dr. Mary Poppins?
No.
No, no, no.
But if you need a tissue,
I have Kleenex hidden all over my body.
Dr. Kenney!
Sorry.
Wow, rounds are intense.
I feel like I've aged a thousand years.
No offense, Carol.
You think that's intense?
Try teaching 40 ninth-graders how to dissect a frog.
You'll find out who the serial killers are.
Anyone want an energy boost?
Banana me.
Daniel?
No, thanks. I create my own energy.
I'll take one.
Guys, these are super fresh. Hyup!
I got them this morning from a Whole Foods dumpster.
That's okay. I'll get something from the cafeteria.
You better hurry. Dr. Jacobs said
we had a two-minute break, and that was 90 seconds ago.
Ah, that's just an expression.
She can't actually mean...
Two minutes are up.
I hope you feel rejuvenated,
because I have your assignments.
Dr. Sommers and Dr. Gilani, you'll be assisting
a senior attending on a patient workup.
Wow, senior attending on our first day.
Dr. Kutcher, excellent work on rounds.
You'll do follow-up on Car Crash.
My own patient? Yes, Danny!
Dr. Kenney,
you'll be collecting stool samples.
Stool samples?
Oh, hey.
Uh, you know,
maybe I could assist Dr. Kutcher.
I had a really good rapport with his patient's wife.
No, thanks. Danny's good.
Oh, I saw on the white board there was
a patient with a secondary infection, and I am very in...
Dr. Kenney...
I realize you're excited to be here
at this late stage of your life,
but this is how hospitals work.
There's a chain of command.
When a senior doctor gives an order,
a junior doctor follows it.
So, let's try this again.
Dr. Kenney, you'll be collecting stool samples.
Yes, Carol!
Well, Mr. Bans is on the morphine choo choo to sleepy town,
so I guess we just... What's that?!
What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?
Oh, it's me.
Oh, today is so stressful, huh?
I mean, we're the doctors now.
If se screw up, someone could die.
- What's that? - Go to sleep, Mr. Bans.
Shh.
I'm just glad I got paired with you.
You seem pretty cool, aside from eating trash food.
Aw. You're my favorite, too.
I'm the first person in my family to go to college,
much less be a doctor, so I feel this crazy pressure
to do well.
I get it.
I don't need to walk a mile in your shoes,
because I own your shoes,
and I'm wearing them right now.
Wh-What I'm trying to say is...
is that we're the same.
Hello! Dr. Stephen Frost. Senior attending.
Department chair. Please...
- hold your applause. - Dr. Frost, it's an honor.
- My name is Doctor... - And look who's here.
Caleb, how are you, kiddo?
Stephen!
I-I mean, uh, Dr. Frost.
Uh, I didn't realize that you were the senior attending.
- You two know each other? - Know each other?
I've been friends with the Sommers forever.
I taught this little guy how to ski.
Pizza pie. French fries. Pizza pie.
Come here, you. Oh, I got you!
Wow, a noogie between two adult men. Very cool.
Ah, shoot. An appendix blew.
Troublesome organ.
Tell you what, do a full workup on Mr. Bans
before his paracentesis.
Good to see you, Dr. Sommers.
And nice meeting you, Caleb's friend.
What?
Where I come from,
pizza pies and French fries are foods.
Oh, Doctor. Excuse me, Doctor?
Oh. Oh, wow.
You mean me.
That is so nice to hear. "Doctor".
Can you please help us?
No, I can't. I'm sorry.
You're Dr. Kutcher's patient.
See, there's this whole hierarchy about who does what,
and it sounds so silly,
but I could get in a ton of trouble if I help you.
Although, why did I become a doctor?
To help people.
Nice people who call me "doctor".
The doctor is in.
So, what's on your mind?
Is his I.V. in right? He kind of rolled over.
Yeah, that looks fine. Has he been scratching at it?
Yeah, he's been really itchy.
Itchy? When did you first notice that?
A month or so ago.
So, before the accident?
And the migraines, were those also...
Thanks, Nurse. I'll get right in.
Um, I was never here.
Don't worry, this is perfectly normal.
Hi. I got a page. Everything okay?
Um...
Are those... stool samples?
Unbelievable.
Dr. Kenney, are you trying to get kicked out of the program?
It's not Dr. Kenney.
Okay, it's me.
Look, the patient's wife called me in here.
You know, I think there's something more
going on with him.
Oh, my gosh, do you?
Did you crack the case?
Yes, by listening.
I'm a regular Angela Lansbury.
Stop talking about your friends.
You should go talk to her.
And you should mind your own business
and finish your shower.
Here, let me help you.
- Whoa! - Whoa!
Code blue, room 522.
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Coming through.
You've got to be kidding me.
Hi, Dr. Jacobs.
Okay, let me explain.
I was trying to help...
You can help by following orders.
Yes, I made a mistake, but I...
Dr. Kenney, this isn't about one mistake.
This is about you.
Being a doctor's not an item
to check off your bucket list.
- Ooh. - Ooh.
Someone who can't follow orders
is someone who can't be a good doctor.
I-I don't even have a bucket list.
I have a vision board.
- Oh, come on! - Anything else I should know about you?
Did you bike here on your yacht?
You are taking this a little far.
Oh, am I, Warren Buffett Zuckerberg Tesla Starbucks?!
Excuse me. Someone's trying to salvage
what's left of their dignity here.
Sorry, Carol. Just turns out
Caleb's not a woke bae.
I would never say that. It's cultural appropriation.
- I didn't know that... - I never would've opened up...
- the attending was Dr. Frost! - to you if I knew you were a privileged
- little rich kid! - I can't know a doctor here?
- Why would I have ever... - Hand goes up, mouths go shut.
Dang, you were a teacher.
Teacher of the Year eight times, but who's counting?
So...
how's your patient?
- Our patient is, uh... - Uh...
You know...
I could have had a normal retirement
like all my friends.
Book club. Wine.
Maybe get into pot.
But no, I had to become a doctor.
I was so excited for my first day,
and it's been a disaster.
If I had a patient to care for, I would be all over it.
But if you two want to stay in here and fight,
that's your choice.
I feel ashamed but also motivated.
Don't mind me... just doing my job.
Not going anywhere near your patients.
Sure. Whatever you want.
Okay, it's been ten seconds,
and you haven't talked about yourself in the third person.
What's wrong?
Know my patient, car crash guy?
- Mr. Clark? - His results came back.
It's cancer, isn't it?
Yeah. Dr. Jacobs confirmed it.
Mm.
You knew, though.
Well, I suspected, based on what his wife told me,
but I wasn't sure.
I wish I was wrong. Does he know?
Dr. Jacobs told me to tell him.
I don't know how. This is my first day.
I thought I'd save at least six lives.
But now I got to go in there and say,
"Bad news, dude, it's the big C."
Uh, no. Not like that, no.
Be honest, but be kind.
You know, people beat this, so give them hope.
That's good.
That's good advice.
Okay.
- Will you tell him? - No.
No. I've been given strict orders to stay in my lane, so...
Look, you've got this.
Just draw from your own experience.
Here: What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?
My birthday is July 5, so everyone's pretty partied out.
Okay, I'll help you.
Okay. I've removed the catheter.
Hey, how are you feeling, Mr. Bans?
Hello. Wow.
That's a lot of fluid.
Your dad will be so proud.
- I'm gonna send him a picture of this. - Um...
Or maybe I give it to him at Christmas.
It was actually Dr. Gilani, sir, who led the procedure.
Oh. Well, then, nice work, Dr. Gilani.
Would your parents like this for Christmas?
Uh, no, thank you. They already have so many.
Lucky them.
Nice work again, you two.
Nice of you to throw me a bone.
Okay.
Do you want to know something?
I only got into this program off the wait list.
All right? My-my dad had to pull some strings.
That's what I meant when I said that we're the same.
You're afraid that you don't belong, and so am I.
Thanks for your honesty.
We good?
Wait list, huh? Whew!
That is embarrassing.
You should not have told me.
I'm a talker.
Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Clark,
uh, I'm here to, um,
talk and, uh...
Doug, Sharon,
the results aren't what we hoped.
Doug has cancer.
I-I know that this is hard to hear,
but the good news is we caught it early.
Dr. Kutcher and I are bringing in an oncologist
to speak with you, and we'll stay here with you...
Dr. Kenney.
You spoke to Daniel's patient.
Okay, you know what?
I am getting tired of being treated
like a meddling old lady.
I am a meddling old doctor.
Okay, yes, I have made some mistakes,
and if you want to kick me out, fine.
But Daniel's patient needed me, and I am not
going to apologize for helping. I was good at it.
- Dr. Kenney, you... - And I'm good at it because I'm old.
Yeah.
You think a woman my age
should just disappear into the woods and knit.
But I see the world
in a different way than when I was 28.
I know that life doesn't work out the way you want it to.
I know that at least one of your kids
is gonna be a disappointment.
I know all kinds of stuff
that you won't know for another 20 years.
And guess what, my age is what's gonna make me a great doctor.
- Are you done? - Am I done? I am just getting started.
Wait, I said that, I said that.
Yes, I am done.
Good. Because even though you disobeyed orders,
I was gonna say thank you.
Oh.
Giving bad news is difficult. You handled it well.
Oh. Well, thank you.
And I'm sorry I yelled.
This last six seconds has shown me a completely new side of you.
I enforce discipline.
It doesn't mean I'm heartless.
I get it. I understand now.
Understand what?
You know, you.
Under that steely disciplinarian,
there's a real human being there.
Were your parents strict? I bet they never
let you make a mistake, you poor thing.
- Nope. - No, really...
It's such a shame. Expecting perfection
can really hinder a child's development.
You know, neuroscience is behind that, too.
I still have that article. I will send it to you.
May I recommend the strawberry granola low-fat parfait?
Stephen Frost, senior attending.
Oh, pleasure to meet you.
I'm Dr. Carol Kenney, intern.
Oh, it's you.
- You're that intern. - Yes.
I'm the old intern. Your local circus freak.
Put me on a train and show me to America.
No.
I mean, yes, your age is unusual,
but you're also the intern who...
Oh, who Dr. Jacobs hates. Yes, that's me.
I was gonna say "who triggered the code blue".
I see I've made a great first impression.
Well, you've made this place much more exciting.
All the life-and-death stuff
was getting a little blah.
Can I buy you that parfait? Purely out of respect.
Yes, Dr. Frost, you can buy me a yogurt.
But have you seen an intern's salary?
It's disgraceful. Do you mind if I get four? They're small.
Thank you for getting us back on track
with your teacher mind games. We learned a valuable lesson...
You're burying the lede.
Caleb got in off the wait list.
Oh, that's great.
Can I join you?
Ooh, look at Daniel, respecting Carol.
Carol, because she is very old...
... brings great wisdom to our group.
- Like a village elder... - Thank you, Daniel.
I accept your apology.
Oh, there you are.
What's happening?
Oh, they know each other.
Hi, Mom.
- Mom? - Oh, hi, honey.
- I didn't know you worked at Loyola on Tuesdays. - I don't.
I switched shifts just so I can see you
on your very first day.
Oh, my gosh, look at you in your doctor coat.
I know, right?
- I'm so proud of you, Mom. - Aw, thank you.
Um, everyone,
this is my daughter Jenny.
She's a pharma rep.
- Jenny, this is everyone. - Enchanté.
That's French, and yes, I speak it.
Oh. Hola, señor.
¿Dónde está la biblioteca?
Uh, el hospital no tiene una biblioteca.
I quit after a year.
Okay. Honey, can you stay?
Ugh, I wish. I got to work.
These boner pills aren't gonna sell themselves.
- I'm so proud of you. - Aw.
Okay. Text me later. Bye, Mom's friends.
Carol...
Don't even think about it.
I understand that you wouldn't want
your daughter to date him, but...
Nope. Not you, either.
You guys are disgusting.
Fine, Carol, I'll date your daughter.
Nobody dates my daughter. You understand?
Tell me you understand.
We understand, Carol.
Thank you.
Daniel, put your napkin in your lap.