The Unicorn S01E18 No Matter What the Future Brings Original Air Date on Mar 12, 2020
Delia, this outfit, does it make it look
- like I'm trying too hard? - Honey,
do you remember when my mother thought she was the first person
to discover Bitmojis?
- Yeah. - Yeah. This is like that.
Except I can't block it.
I'm just so nervous, you know? I...
I'm trying to get a job at this company,
and the oldest person there is, like,
15 years younger than I am.
You've got this. Just breathe. Calm.
- Centered. - Nobody in the history
of humanity has ever been calmed or centered by that gesture.
- Okay. - Oh, hey,
hey, what about the beanie?
It's got a picture
of a little beanie on it.
That's meta. Young people live for meta.
Honey, I'm sorry, but you are really overthinking this.
Age is just a number.
It doesn't mean anything.
You just got to believe in yourself and your skills.
And your...
beautiful, shiny head.
Hmm.
_
I'm just worried
because Jill's birthday hit Wade so hard last year.
Poor guy. Wouldn't leave the cemetery for hours.
I would check on him, but...
I-I can't, you know, 'cause... Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. Ear things down.
Ben. Hey, Ben.
Hang on, okay? Don't hang up.
I'm gonna go ahead and hang up now.
I will get Michelle to check in
on Wade, though. She's free.
Ben?
Ben.
Oh, I'm free? Sure.
All I've got to do is
drop off four kids, grab Kai's cap and gown,
and decorate for his graduation party tomorrow.
I'd check in on Wade myself,
but I have to work.
I mean... clearly motherhood is work.
More flexible hours.
Or less.
- I should stop talking. - Yes, you should.
But I'll go check on Wade.
Ben?
Ben, you there?
- This could not be any worse! - Grace.
You need to open the door.
I'm sure the dress looks wonderful.
It's a disaster! Justin can't see me like this.
Do you really think Justin can see me like this?
I can't see you like this.
Will you please just open the door?
You-you look great.
Really? This is what looks great,
the fact that you can see my bra?
Is that what you're saying looks great? That's weird.
- I didn't say that. - So you're saying I look great
as long as I'm standing against a wall?
So I should just stand against a wall the entire night tonight?
- That's your solution? - Yes, that's my solution.
That is so not funny!
Grace, come on, I'm just...
She's been acting like this all week.
Do you think she's on drugs?
Worse. She's a teenager.
Oh, my God.
Oh! My-my...
my lips are on fire.
You kissed me right on my acne medicine.
What... Since when do you have acne?!
Wade?
Hey, hey, hey. Come in.
Oh, am I interrupting?
No, no, not at all.
I was just checking on you,
with Jill's birthday and everything.
Thank you. We're...
- we're doing okay. - Okay, well,
when I saw the thing on Facebook...
I know. Yeah.
I thought about closing the account, but...
people leave such nice messages.
Oh, what are they writing? Ooh, sorry. I didn't mean to look at that.
Oh, no, no, no. That's-that's fine.
What you do when you're alone, that's your business.
It's not porn, Michelle.
I'm bra shopping.
- Okay. - For Grace.
So that she can look good
for some horrible boy.
I mean, I shouldn't say that.
I'm sure he's a very nice guy. But I hate him.
- On principle. - I mean, I can't believe it.
I mean, it wasn't that long ago that all she wanted to do
on Friday nights was curl up on the couch with me,
eat ice cream and watch terrible Tinker Bell movies.
- Yeah. Time flies. - Yeah.
Speaking of, I have to go save some seats for Kai's graduation.
Preschool parents are jackals.
Can someone please bring Eli a Gatorade?
I need a urine sample from him, and he's given me nothing.
- What's going on? - The rep from Vizor Pharma
is here, and you're blocking my view.
Okay, guys, are we in an office,
or is this a...
Oh.
That's an... attractive man.
Can I interest any of you in a pop socket or a stress ball?
I'll take both.
How about you, Dr. Delia?
You...
No, that's what my patients call me.
You just call me Delia, or just whatever.
Well, you know, old habits die hard.
That's true, th-that's true, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What... what are we... what are we talking about?
I was your patient.
Ted Lasker.
Teddy Lasker?
Who used to put the Hot Wheels up your... ?
- Yep. That was me. - Wh...
You're so...
big now.
Big.
Big boy.
Ah.
Oh, good. I didn't miss anything.
You missed Kai having a meltdown
because his robe was itchy.
- Hmm. - And Kai refusing to look at the camera
for his picture, and Kai's slap fight
with his best friend Lucas.
Okay, I get it. I'm sorry.
- But on the upside... - Hmm?
... this is the last kid in preschool.
Meaning?
Meaning starting this fall,
they'll all be in school seven hours a day.
Think of all the extra time you'll have.
What's wrong?
Nothing. Just emotional that little Kai
is about to be a graduate.
Preschool graduate.
Hey, girls!
- Hey, Dad. - Grace, I got bras.
Ten of 'em. They had questions
that I couldn't answer, so... I went with every possibility.
Thanks, Dad, for going to that trouble, but, um...
I've decided I'm not going to the dance.
- What happened? - Nothing happened.
I'd just rather stay at home, have some ice cream
and watch a movie. Is that okay?
Uh, of-of course that's okay.
- Yeah, whatever you want. - Cool. Thanks.
Okay.
Awesome. What are we gonna watch?
Um...
Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
How about something from this century?
And Tobin breaks free! She heads
down the field, goes for the kick and...
Oh!
You're supposed to block it!
- I did. - With your hands.
You weren't paying attention.
What's up with you?
I just wish I knew what was going on
with Grace and this dance.
I know what's going on.
Justin got pink eye.
Oh. Okay. Well,
can't she just go with her friends?
Well, she was supposed to go with Jenna and Nika,
but then Jenna and Nika, they have dates,
so then she felt like she'd be the fifth wheel,
but then she could go with Lexi, Claire and Maisie,
but then Lexi and Maisie aren't talking to each other,
so Grace would have to pick sides,
so then that leaves Audrey, Tess and Phoebe,
- but then they're like the Three Musketeers, so... - Yeah, okay, okay,
I get it, I get it... she doesn't have anyone to go with.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Look at my little man.
Forrest?
- Huh? - Uh, Asher's ready to see you now.
Great. Here I come.
Got a little beanie on your beanie.
- It's meta. - Oh. No, I know.
All right, well, let's, get you back there.
Right. Damn it.
So, she still wants
to watch movies with you on the couch.
- That's great! - Yeah, but is it?
I mean, it's her first dance.
I mean, she should go to her first dance,
shouldn't she?
You're talking to the wrong guy.
I just fell apart at a five-year-old's graduation.
Once my little man learns how to wipe his own butt,
I'm gonna lose it.
Ah.
Kid next door still scared of you?
When I walked in on him and Grace making out last year,
I think I made a negative impression on him.
Mmm.
You know, he's not a bad kid.
Mr. Felton.
Don't worry, Andrew, I come in peace.
Andrew just asked me to the dance.
Did he? Really?
That's so nice. I-I love Andrew.
What'd you do?
N-Nothing.
I was just thinking
that you don't have anybody to go with and you like him,
and he really likes you.
Did you talk to him?!
For, like, one minute.
Did you threaten him again?
Look, I didn't threaten him the first time, Grace. Come on.
How do you even know he really wants to go with me?
Oh, please. He totally likes you. It's gross.
Shut up.
I don't know.
Andrew? I mean, it's-it's not what I expected.
No, but sometimes unexpected can be wonderful.
I mean, you remember how I met your mom.
Yes, we know. She ran up to you
at the mall like a crazy woman.
Because she found this dirty old teddy bear.
It was a stuffed dog, and she was worried
that some little kid lost it, so...
I helped her look. And after an hour
of bothering everybody in the mall, we found the kid.
And the look on your mother's face...
- I will... - That's when you knew you had to see her again.
Yeah.
We know. You've told us this story
- a hundred times, Dad. - And it makes
- you and Mom sound like huge dorks. - Yeah,
well, if we hadn't have found each other,
you two little dorks wouldn't be here.
You know what?
I'm gonna tell Andrew yes.
- Oh, my God, the dance is in two hours! - What?
Oh, well, that's plenty of time.
I can see from the look on your faces that it's not.
Ben, pin me.
I gotcha.
Okay, danglies or hoops?
Uh, danglies.
- Smile. - Are these the chunky,
strappy ones?
They all had straps.
Wow.
Thanks, Dad.
And... thanks for making me go tonight.
Of course.
And neither of these are the shoes I wanted.
- I'll go... - Try again?
- Yeah, I'll keep... yes, keep going. - Yeah.
- Come on, Grace. - Okay.
Sorry. Let's put on the other earring. Hold on.
Now look over here.
Look over here. Uh, Andrew?
- Look here. - Put your chin down.
Look right here, look right here at me.
Guys, guys, if you let me take a good one,
I'll e-mail it to you, okay? All right, so...
put your hands... ah... straighten out your jacket,
and your shoulders, put your shoulders up high.
Guys, guys, guys! Guys!
- Forrest... - I got it!
- You got what? - I got the job! I start on Monday!
- Please. - Wow!
- Congratulations! - Yay!
- Congratulations! - Can you guys just... Can we still...
Yes! You got the job! Yes!
I just want... I'm just trying...
Oh, my God! Look at you! You guys look so great!
All right, guys. Okay, great. Just look...
Please, just look right here really quick.
Uh, sorry, my mom's getting impatient.
Dad, can we please go?
Of course.
Yes, of course you can.
Go ahead. Go. Come on.
Okay. Hi. Hey. Hey. Paparazzi.
Bye.
- Okay, bye. - Bye-bye.
There she goes.
You did it.
We all did it.
You good, Wade?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
I'm just gonna go pace around till Grace gets home.
Forrest, beer run.
I have no idea what's going on.
- Where is she going? - Yeah, we got a lot to fill you in on.
- Yeah, totally. - Hey, but you got the job!
I got the job, though! Right?
- I told you. I told you. - It's good.
To Jill on her birthday.
- Cheers. - And to my Forrest
and his new job.
- Aw. Thank you, sweetie. - Aw, I'm so proud of you.
Wow, what a night.
You know, I will never forget
the first time we walked Grace
out that door to go to kindergarten.
And now she's at a dance with a boy
and Natalie's got acne.
I mean, how-how could time move so quickly?
- Wow. - You know what? I bought
a light bulb the other day.
And it's one of those new ones, you know,
that's supposed to last 15 years.
And I realized
that the next time I change this bulb,
Addie will have graduated from college.
- What? - Wow.
- Yeah. It's like, what is going on? - Tell me about it.
For the last 12 years, I've had at least one little one
underneath me all day long,
getting on my nerves.
Now they're gonna all be in school
for seven hours a day. What am I gonna do?
- Are you thinking about getting a job? - Job?
I haven't been in the workforce for 12 years.
I only have a year and a half of college.
What kind of job can I get?
You could take some time for yourself.
- Relax. - I can't relax all day. That's stressful.
- Hmm. - You think time
is just kind of standing still.
You know, you're in the same house, same office,
same doctor scale that looks like a giraffe.
And yet little kids that didn't know
where to park their Hot Wheels are growing up,
having sex, getting jobs,
being hot.
I'm sure I agree with you.
- Yeah. - But what?
And when I was unemployed,
the days just crawled by.
And now I got a weekend before I have to go back to work.
You know, and I had so many plans, too.
I was gonna take sailing lessons.
I-I was gonna build that model ship.
- Yeah. - I was gonna binge The Wire.
- Oh, I hear that's such a great show. - 20 people told me
- I need to watch that. - Yeah.
- I still haven't even seen Breaking Bad. - Guys,
we're not that old.
We're not that old. Come on.
- Who wants a refill? - Oh, not me.
'Cause it's 8:15. Oh, my God!
I am a hundred years old.
And guess what? It was Andrew.
Oh, Grace was so nervous.
And I was so nervous, but...
We pulled it off.
I wish you could have seen her.
Oh, she was...
She was glowing.
Just so... so beautiful.
So grown-up.
As for me, well...
I know you were worried about me.
But I'm doing okay.
I've been trying to get out into the dating world, but...
but you're a tough act to follow.
And you know what?
Maybe you were the one true love of my life, Jill.
Maybe lightning doesn't strike twice.
And if so,
well, I got to have you for 20 years.
Which makes me the luckiest guy ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday.
I hope you like the flowers.
I love you.
Let me ask you something, Ben.
- Mm-hmm. - Do you like college girls?
Okay, look, I don't know what you think you saw, baby,
but you go to these sports sites, and these windows.
They just... they just pop up. You don't have to do anything...
Stop. I don't know what you're talking about,
and I don't want to know.
I was looking for a sexy way to tell you something.
Okay.
Now, Kai going to school is just the beginning.
Before we know it, Sahai's gonna be driving.
Then Noah, God help us.
- Okay, that's terrifying. - Yeah.
So I need to figure out what's next for me.
I never finished school, and it's about time.
I've got a mind for business, and it's just being wasted.
Michelle Taylor, college girl.
I like the sound of that.
Ooh.
Walking across the quad on a hot summer day,
- book bag slung over your back. - Okay.
So what are you looking at on that computer?
They just pop up!
- Forrest, are you busy? Huh? - Yes.
I'm trying to get this finished before I start work.
And I glued the mast to the centerboard,
and I tried to pull them apart, and the mast got bent,
and then the centerboard got glued to my arm and...
- Okay. - Oh, great.
- Now my earbuds are glued to my fingers. - Okay, Forrest.
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm distracted. I'm trying to watch The Wire.
- It's just so complicated. - Okay. You know what?
Just, like, don't worry about that right now
because I've got a new plan.
We're going to Costa Rica.
Why?
We need to live.
Time, it's just, um...
It's biting us in the ass
is what it's doing, and we need to bite it back.
- In Costa Rica? - Yes!
We're gonna zip-line.
We're gonna feel the wind through our safety harnesses.
But-but I start work on Monday.
No, you can't.
We need to live before it's just too late.
Deels, breathe. Calm.
Centered.
Oh, my God.
- It is so annoying on this end. - Yeah.
- Hmm. - Hey, Delia,
the days are flying by because we're having fun.
So we're getting old. So what?
There is nobody on this planet,
nobody that I would rather grow old with.
Forrest.
You're so sweet.
Oh, Delia, Delia, your arm is glued to the hull of the...
- It's... - What? Oh.
Hmm.
Well...
So, do you want to watch some of The Wire?
Shh, shh, shh!
Come on. Hey. Hey. Hey, man. Hey.
Don't... Just don't... Stop. Stop it!
Whoa, whoa, that-that's a...
That... That's a skunk.
Yes. Yes, it is.
His little foot is injured.
See? And he's caught up in all that mesh.
And he keeps trying to run toward the road.
You're gonna get run over, dude.
- Uh, can I... can I help? - Yes, thank you. God, yeah. Thanks.
Um...
I don't know. Distract him, and I'll...
go around the back?
Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
Okay, coward!
Well, I'm coming back.
- Oh. Okay. - All right, here we go. Here we go.
- Okay. - Okay, uh,
so, you, uh, you-you keep him calm.
- Okay. - And, uh,
- and I'm just gonna creep up on him. - Yeah.
- Right? Yeah, unthreatening. Right? - Sure. Yeah.
Not... We're not gonna threaten him.
- Okay, easy does it, baby. - Okay, okay.
- Easy. Easy, easy. - Uh...
You're all right, just i-ignore the man with the box.
- Oh, God! - Oh, God!
- I'm hit. - Oh. Oh, God, it got in my mouth.
It's in my mouth.
- You know it's gonna be bad, but... - I can't breathe!
- It's so much worse than I imagined. - It's everywhere!
- Right? Yeah, no, it's everywhere. - Oh, God!
What did we expect? It was a skunk.
Well, I don't know about you, but I feel like
we got nothing left to lose.
- Yeah, I agree. Yeah. - Right? Yeah. Okay.
- All right. I'm gonna go in. - All right. You go in?
- Yeah. Oh, God. - Okay.
- Oh, God. Oh, God. - It's so bad. Okay.
- Ah. Ha! Yes! Yes! - Oh, yeah!
- Yeah! - Yes! We have an injured skunk under a box.
- What do we do now? - We...
go to my vet. He's, like, ten minutes away.
I can...
I can open the back of my car.
- Can you flip this guy? - Uh, yeah, I'll try.
- Oh, it's-it's so bad. - Okay. Um, okay.
Oh!
All right, it's open?
- I got it. - Here we go.
And...
Ah! Oh, my God!
You okay?
Are you-you sure you want him in your car?
I smell way worse than he does, and I'm gonna get in there, so...
Okay.
Oh... Uh, hey, that was, uh...
that was really nice teamwork.
Thank you. Yeah.
Thanks for being so brave and... ugh... so stupid.
Yeah.
I, uh...
Oh, God, he's spraying again.
- I got to go. I got to go. - Go, go, go.
- Go, go, go. Yes. - Sorry. Thank you.
I got a skunk in the car, jerk!
Uh, Natalie, do you guys have anything better to do?
Nope.
- It's so weird. - Well,
it seems weird now, but before you know it,
you girls are gonna explore your own sexuality.
- No! We're not talking about this. - No.
- We can talk about it.
- You're my mom! - Stop it!
Hey, everybody.
- Oh, God! Oh! - God!
- Why do you smell like that? - It's you.
I can taste it. It's in my mouth.
Who is that?
I just got sprayed by a skunk.
It's the worst thing I ever smelled.
- Wade, outside, please. - All right. Uh, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Uh...
- Oh, God! - Okay, all right. Uh, hey, can I... ?
- Uh, come here. Come on, come here. - Oof.
Oh, look.
Grace brought Andrew to the party.
Yeah, great. Back up.
How did you get sprayed by a skunk?
Is this one of those weird country guy things?
Do you eat them?
No. No, no, no, no. It's-it's a long story.
But, guys, I think I may have met someone.
I-I can't stop thinking about her.
Well, who is she?
I have no idea.