It was over,
the evils of Stonewall Prep had been vanquished,
and life in Riverdale more or less picked up where it had left off.
But at its heart, Riverdale was and is, "A wicked little town".
So no one was surprised
when a third round of sinister video tapes
was delivered to our doorsteps.
No one slept much that night,
as they waited for a new day to dawn.
Daddy.
You've a doctor's appointment, don't you?
Which I'll go to, as soon as I finish my coffee.
Little help.
- Holy crap, Mr. Lodge. - Thanks, Archie.
Maybe you should ease up.
You know, considering your condition.
The hell you talking about?
Veronica told me, that you're... sick.
Well, clearly my daughter's confused 'cause I'm perfectly healthy.
But if she's concerned for some unfounded reason,
then you'll agree that she doesn't need to know about this.
- Mr. Lodge, look if you need help... - What I need is privacy.
This is not your business, nor hers, frankly.
Do we understand each other, Archie?
Yes, sir, we do.
Take the plate off.
So, I talked to all your teachers and we figured out a way
for you to catch up on all of your classes.
Phew! That's not daunting at all.
- There's an index. - Mmm-hmm, and it's color coded.
Red is for American history.
You missed the mid-term, so you can catch up by writing an essay
on either the Trail of Tears or the Salem witch trials.
- Salem witch trails, definitely. - Mmm-hmm.
Blue, English. You can choose amongst,
Steinbeck's The Pearl, Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea,
and London's The Call of the Wild, for your book report.
What, you've already read all three of them.
No, I know, it's just, writing a book report,
now I know, how Sisyphus must have felt.
Given how far behind I am on literally every topic,
is it even worth trying to catch up at this point?
Look. I know this is a lot.
It's a lot of work, but it's only for a couple of months.
Just to make sure that you graduate. With me.
What is more important than that?
Jughead. What a surprise. What do you need?
Something to stimulate my brain as I plow through
this pile of work that Betty's lined up for me.
I was thinking in between writing these mind-numbing essays
I could help you review the latest round of videotapes
from our mysterious voyeur.
Absolutely, I could use some help scrubbing through the footage.
The voyeur's stepping up his or her game.
Coming to more and more houses.
I don't ever want to see what would happen
if he found his way inside a house.
Thank you. Oh. Uh...
One more thing, if you could keep my moon-lighting on the DL.
You mean from Betty?
How about this? I won't bring it up to her,
unless she asks me directly.
Thank you.
Here you go, Principal Honey,
another list of sign-ups for the variety show.
Mmm. Well, I've reviewed the acts submitted so far.
They mostly seem fine.
With one exception. Yours.
I'm sorry, but you won't be allowed to do a number
from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. That show is...
It's not appropriate for students and families.
It was on Broadway.
- There's a movie version of it. - An R-rated movie version.
Look, why don't you do a number from a classical musical
like Oklahoma! or Carousel.
Instead of some niche-downtown cabaret show
that would be more appropriate for pre-Nazi Berlin.
Hedwig is not a niche show.
It celebrates identities, genders,
expressions of all kinds and it speaks to my entire generation.
We are relentlessly slammed with crisis after crisis.
And we take it, and we're numb. Yes.
But also screaming on the inside.
Please just... Just listen to us.
We're people, not numbers.
We're Generation Z.
You see the music of Hedwig
- is the perfect fit for... - Mr. Keller,
you can either pick a different song,
or recuse yourself from the variety show
and all your attendant duties. Effective immediately.
_
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
Damn it.
Late breaking news, I am now singing
Oh, What a Beautiful Morning, from Oklahoma! for the variety show.
What happened to Hedwig?
Honey nixed it.
Said it was too controversial.
Kevin, if you wanna do Hedwig, you should do Hedwig.
He'd yank me off stage before the first note.
Hell, I don't even think you should wait for the variety show.
I think you should go rogue.
Go rogue, in what way?
Okay.
So, you know I support you.
And, I think you're an amazing writer, Jug,
but this feels a little...
phoned in. I mean there's typos
and incomplete sentences and I'm not even sure what the thesis is.
Yeah. Okay.
Maybe, I'll go offline.
Hole myself up in the bunker after school and really focus on it.
Play Thomas Pynchon for a while.
Oh, he comes bearing gifts.
And some news.
I know this seems a little last minute, but, uh...
I signed us up for the variety show.
- To perform as a band. - Well, obviously, I'm completely in.
You know I support you kids in your rock-and-roll,
but I really have to finish these essays,
or else my girlfriend over there is gonna lock me in the stocks.
It's true, Jug has a lot of work to do.
But I think, you can take a little time out, for this.
I mean, look, it's senior year,
we promised we were gonna start taking advantage of that.
Agreed.
- Does this band have a name? - Mmm.
Uh, it's The Archies.
What, was the Me-Me-Me's taken?
- We can change the name. - No. The Archies.
- I like it. - What's up, Riverdale?
Are you trying to tear me down?
That's, wait. That's not...
Well, sorry, I'm the new Berlin Wall, baby.
Now, get your asses to the music room.
Hello, Mr. Honey. Hello, Riverdale.
You wanna try and tear me down?
You're done, Mr. Keller, you're off the variety show.
I said, "you're done". You hear me?
You're done!
Okay, I'm gonna try it.
- Whoa. - Okay.
- Can we please order pizza from Little Cicero's? - Ugh!
Guys, it is not a sleepover without greasy pizza, right, Kev?
Kev?
Sorry, it's just...
Working on the variety show made me feel like,
I was reconnecting with the old, pre-farm Kevin.
Mr. Honey didn't just take that away,
he made me feel like I was nothing.
Like I didn't matter.
You know something that makes me feel better?
Oh.
I hear what you're saying, Betty,
but I'm not sure even a makeover montage will help.
Oh, my...
- Hey, Kev? - Yeah.
What if for the variety show,
we all performed songs from Hedwig.
Yeah. As a sign of solidarity.
And as President of the Student Body
and Riverdale High's LGBTQIA Alliance,
I promise you,
I will sit down with Principal Humbug and make this right.
On behalf of Kevin Keller and the entire Student Body
we urge you to hear our plea.
Hedwig is not some fringe, down-beat musical.
It's fun. It's an old-fashioned, red-blooded,
American musical comedy with something for everyone.
Including those of us, who are more... straight-laced.
Allow us to demonstrate.
That's enough, Ms. Blossom.
What? No applause?
You just proved my point.
Did you listen to the lyrics you just sang?
Hedwig and The Angry Inch is highly sexualized.
How queer-phobic of you.
And if every student of Riverdale High changed their variety show act
to a number from Hedwig, what would you do then?
Hmm. Well, Ms. Topaz,
I would make the following announcement,
"Any student who performs a song from Hedwig
will be barred from Senior Prom".
Now...
As you like to say, Ms. Blossom...
Toodles.
_
So what happened exactly?
Daddy is downplaying it.
He says he missed a step and stumbled.
But, it's still scary and confusing.
He's been going to the doctor, he just told us.
He was getting better.
Ronnie, I don't want you to worry.
But your dad's been working out at the gym.
Okay.
He was bench pressing and the bar slipped.
Luckily, I was there to catch it, but...
I don't think, he's been going to the doctor as regularly as he says.
And,
you haven't told me this before, why?
Well, he said it was nothing,
and when Iron Lodge asks you to shut your mouth
and mind your own business, you mind your own business.
No, no, you drag him to the car,
and you drive him to the doctor yourself.
- That wasn't an option, Ronnie. - So, you do nothing instead?
This is my life, Archie, my father's life.
How could you be so short-sighted?
Jughead!
I came to surprise you, with a study break.
Tell me, this is not what it looks like.
- It's not. - Oh, so you're not lying to me,
about doing your homework.
While you try to crack some new unsolvable mystery.
- I'm doing both. - I went to the mat for you.
With Mr. Honey and with all of your teachers.
I didn't ask you to do that.
I'm trying to make sure that you graduate, Jug.
I'm trying to make sure that we stay together, that we have a future.
I'm sorry, in what future are we not together?
I'm going to New Haven in a few months, Jug, that is happening.
- Where are you going to be? - I thought I'd be your dorm husband,
just eating pizza while you studied Criminal Psych.
Yeah, well, I would rather that than this dead-end Jughead.
Oh, the Jughead that was brained with a rock?
I'm sorry I'm different now,
I guess death just changes a person.
How do you think I feel?
- I was trying to do the right thing. - You weren't thinking, Archie.
Give me a break, Veronica. It's been a crappy year.
Principal Honey, I need to alert you
to a situation that's taking place in the hallway.
And the games begin.
Consider this a peaceful protest, Mr. Honey.
Though I will weaponize these babies if I have to.
Clearly, you are all...
very passionate about what you're feeling.
But hotheads lead to unpredictability and anger.
Violence.
So, I'm afraid...
the most prudent action to take at this moment is to...
cancel the variety show.
Hi, sorry, I'm late.
Betty, I forgot to text you guys that rehearsal's cancelled.
Oh...
I kinda screwed up with Veronica.
Well, Jughead and I just got in a fight, too, actually. so...
Damn it, I'm sorry.
This is not what I wanted this week to be.
I wanted us to have fun.
When was the last time that happened?
That time we ordered sea monkeys,
from the back of the coven book was fun.
- Yeah, we peaked in the first grade. - Yeah.
When I saw that sign-up sheet,
I flashback to sophomore year.
I was on the stage, freezing up from stage fright,
until I saw my dad.
And suddenly, I could just... play.
He gave me the biggest hug afterwards.
He was so proud of you.
He was always so happy whenever you played.
Look, just because Veronica and Jughead aren't here,
doesn't mean we can't rehearse.
All right.
Hi.
One fully researched,
thoroughly proofed, MLA formatted essay on the Salem witch trials.
I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I do.
I'm sorry.
Jug.
It's okay.
No, it's not.
I shouldn't have been as ticked off as I was
that you had faith in me.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Okay.
I really need to finish that essay on Call of the Wild.
But you can distract me any time you want.
- Bye. - Bye.
Penny for your thoughts, handsome.
Hi.
I wanted to give you this, Archie.
It was too short-notice to get cupcakes from Magnolia,
so these are from Pop's,
but you deserve an official "Veronica Lodge I'm Sorry".
- You're sorry. - I am.
I was... scared.
And lashing out, but at the wrong person.
The truth is, you didn't need to come clean to me but you did.
And thanks to that I got a doctor who said
it was lucky he saw Daddy when he did.
Because it could have been much worse than a fall.
So, thank you.
- Archiekins. - Veronica, I...
So, more good news,
though Honey cancelled the variety show at school,
Kevin called me with an amazing idea.
To host it at La Bonne Nuit.
So, me, you, Betty and Jughead
we'll all get to perform together after all.
- Isn't that amazing? - That's awesome.
"The show must go on", as they say.
Even in our wicked, little town.
_
Ladies and gentlemen, for our final performance of the evening.
I am beyond honored to introduce,
for the first time ever, The Archies.
_
There's a problem that comes
once you get caught up on your homework.
Your mind wanders, and evil creeps back in.
Was the voyeur somewhere amongst us in the crowd,
playing his long game?
Turning the temperature up?
Ever so slowly?
So, that by the time we frogs realized
we were being boiled alive, it was too late.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -