A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
[breathing heavily]
Seriously, who sends someone 100 red roses on Christmas Eve?
Okay, who does that? Douchenozzle!
[exhales sharply] Goddamn fucking Swede. Fucking Sweden in general. Fuck!
Fucking yellow and blue. High school kid…
Balls of hell!
[sighs in exasperation]
Cinderella's fucking bullshit.
[grunts] Jonas, Jonas, Jonas! Dumped me so fucking hard last year.
Then you invite him to a Christmas workshop, Johanne!
What's happening? [sighs]
Get it together. Okay.
[sniffles] Johanne.
You're flipping out over a 12-year-old.
Do you hear me?
[grunts] Johanne! Control, control.
Johanne? Yes.
Smile.
[chuckles]
Push 'em out.
Shake it off. [exhales]
Come on, get him out. [exhales]
There you go.
[chuckles] Oh, my God.
Yeah.
[sighs] Fuck that guy.
Okay.
Merry Christmas.
[indistinct chatter]
DECEMBER 23RD
- Hi. - [Johanne] Hi.
Hi.
- [Knut] Glad you made it. - Of course.
Mulled wine?
Sure, thanks. It's, uh, super nice.
So, I wanted to apologize for the allergies.
I did not see that coming.
And thank you for driving me home.
No, really, my pleasure and, uh, you are welcome.
I haven't felt like such a train wreck in a while.
Like, in general.
But, um, I still had a great time with you.
Yeah, it was enjoyable aside from that.
And, I gotta say, you're a true gentleman, really.
Uh, my turn to apologize, um, for how I've been kind of quiet lately.
Well, I wasn't exactly Prince Charming in those last moments, so I get that.
[both laugh]
- Oh, my… - [Jeanette] Johanne!
Mmm. Jeanette!
- [Jeanette] So here you are. - Yeah.
- [Jeanette] Yeah. - Hi, and there you are.
- [Jeanette chuckles] - Hi, hon.
- Yeah. Say hello to... - Yeah?
- Hi! - Hi!
- Knut Hallgrimsen. - [Jeanette] Delighted.
He's a hell of a handsome fella. You never mentioned him.
Knut? This is the guy I went on the trip with.
The guy who's so…
Reindeer Knut!
- Yeah, um, that's what they call me. - [Jeanette] Yeah.
I just told her you were a little allergic.
It's totally fine.
No, but, like, you completely collapsed out there.
- Totally. - Well, enough on that subject.
How about you? Are you here Christmas shopping?
No, fortunately not. No.
Uneven-numbered week?
- Yup. - [Johanne] Mmm.
- I'm meeting a friend. - [Johanne] Oh, yeah. Right.
Yeah, just a friend. Mmm-hmm.
Oh, someone's coming now. Your friend, I'm assuming.
- Hi, friend. - Hi!
Hi! Knut Hallgrimsen.
- Ronny Johansen. - [coughing]
- [Knut] You okay? - Johanne.
Johanne, get a grip. Pull yourself together. Come on.
I'm sorry. [laughing]
Get a grip.
Yeah, um, my bad. I just got something, uh, in me, so to speak.
Hi. I should introduce myself. I'm Johanne.
- Ronny Johansen. - [Johanne chuckling] Yeah. Okay.
You know what? That's enough intros to last us till Christmas.
- We have a couple of errands. - [Ronny] Yes.
[Jeanette] It was nice to meet you, Knut.
[Knut] Pleasure was mine.
I'll ring you later.
No, yeah, I can't wait.
- Mmm. Uh-huh. - [Jeanette] Okay.
Come on.
- [chuckling] - What happened?
Well…
I just… I really can't explain that. [laughs]
There are some things we ladies have to keep to ourselves.
[Knut] Okay.
[Johanne] But…
Thank you so much for the mulled wine.
Unfortunately, I gotta get going.
First to my brother's, then back home, then there's Christmas prep.
- Then just… I'm 100 years behind... - [Knut] Johanne.
So…
Remember that you're welcome at our place if your plans end up falling through.
I mean that.
I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.
- You're the best. - Uh, you're the best.
- [Knut] Ronny Johansen. - [snickering]
[Knut chuckles]
[Sunniva] Mommy's coming to get you.
- [Morten] Think you can get it out? - Gonna get you!
- Hey. Hi. - Hey, you.
- Hi. - [Johanne] Hi.
Give Auntie a monster hug!
That's right, Auntie's here. Hi! [chuckles]
- Christmas tree stand's over there. - Yeah, thanks.
Wanna come inside for some hot chocolate?
Yes to the hot chocolate but I can't stay. I've got a lot to do, unfortunately.
[Sunniva] Okay.
So how goes the Christmas planning?
Uh, yeah. It's only gonna be the best Christmas ever.
Yeah, who'll be there Christmas Eve?
That, I don't know.
Uh, actually, no one, I think, so…
It's gonna be great.
Well, at the very least, it'll be you and us, then.
Oh, yeah. That's a given.
Wait, that is a given, isn't it? Right?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
But we can celebrate here if it'll just be us three.
No, that's the attitude of a quitter.
I said I'm arranging Christmas.
I have to, it's kinda the only thing I got.
You guys have all this, you know? This is the only thing I have.
So please don't take that away from me, please?
We'll come to your place, then.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
[slurps]
You're prairie mice, would you look at that?
[both] Is that a compliment?
Are you kidding me?
DECEMBER 24TH
Stay on.
Ow, fuck you.
[smoke detector beeping]
No! No, no, no!
Oh, no! Fuck!
Ow! Fuck!
Ow! [grunting]
No!
Fuck!
[doorbell buzzes]
Shit!
You burning something?
You showed up!
I'm your big sister.
You so are.
Ayaz and the kids are coming later.
- I brought some decorations. - Oh! Yes.
- Hey, Merry Christmas. - You, too.
Something burning?
Yeah, I managed to mess up the pork belly, so…
Do you have a backup plan?
I don't know. Delivery, sushi, pizza… Frozen pizza…
Um, tacos. Hummus.
Uh… [blows raspberry] No fucking idea.
God, don't swear on Christmas Eve. That's bad.
- But, uh, I'll get it sorted. - Yeah.
- Okay, bye. See you. - Bye, then. See you.
[sighs]
I didn't know you and Ayaz were having troubles.
[Maria] We'll get through it.
Family, huh? So goddamn exhausting!
So, your turn. Why'd you and Henrik break up?
Uh, a load of reasons. A chick in a yarn bikini, for one.
No! What an asshole.
Yeah, but to be honest, I actually think it was primarily me.
- [Maria] Okay. - Hmm.
[Maria] But you're great at coping on your own.
Am I?
[Maria] Yes, I mean it.
You're extremely independent. I've always admired you for that.
I have to cling to my husband and kids, but you…
You got it handled.
Well, I don't like the thought of being completely alone forever either.
Except you're not alone.
- No, but you know what I mean. - [Maria chuckles]
Oh, man. I'm so happy you didn't resign from the family.
I could never do that.
When Mom and Dad fuck up, we all have to stick together.
Otherwise, nothing makes any sense.
Yes! Agreed.
Okay, I have to start on the rice pudding.
[doorbell buzzes]
- Hi. - Hey.
I was thinking that you guys probably need this more than we do.
Sauerkraut and potatoes.
That's nice, but no way. I can't jack your Christmas feast.
Listen, I've been making pork belly all December.
He really has. We have five flanks.
Okay, one condition. That you come celebrate with us.
So you'll be with my sister and her family,
plus my brother and his family,
and it'll be completely insufferable with all the kids and the noise,
but is that okay?
Yeah.
- That sounds great. - Yeah.
[Nick chuckles] Here you go.
Thanks, guys. Come in.
[upbeat Christmas music playing]
[Nick] The trick is to get it really nice and hot in there.
[sighs] It's gonna sit in there for quite a while.
- I don't wanna be… - [doorbell buzzes]
[indistinct chatter]
- Hi. - [both] Hi.
I'm so sorry about the mess. I'm a little behind
with decorating, setting the table, and food.
- So please, come on in! - [Morten] Thank you.
[Sunniva chuckles] Thanks.
[yelling] No!
Fuck!
Fucking rice pudding. Ow!
Hey, Johanne, what's going on?
Johanne?
I managed to burn the fucking stuff for… whatever you call it.
The creamy rice pudding.
- [Maria] So what? That... - So what?
- [Maria] Yes... - [Morten] Listen…
I can't even do that right! Don't you get it? I'm a worthless sack of shit.
I can't prepare pork belly, how did I think I could organize Christmas?
I can't even stir a pot of rice pudding without fucking it up.
- Okay… - [Morten] Don't worry, it'll be all right.
No, it won't be all right! Would you help yourself to that?
Hey, Johanne, it's gonna be okay. We'll get more rice pudding.
- This is unfixable. - [Morten] We'll figure that out.
- Oh, my God, it's just rice and milk… - [Nick] So, Nibble...
Good news, Nibble sells a creamy rice pudding,
- and they deliver. - I just had to stir.
I'm fucking awful.
- Objectively, I'm just the worst. - [Morten] See that?
You just need the almond to hide in the porridge.
Or, I mean…
Because of course I… [sniffles]
Of course I forgot to buy almonds for the fucking rice pudding. [sniffles]
[sighs]
That's totally okay, Johanne. Hey, it'll be fine.
- You know what we'll do? - No! [crying]
[Maria] Oh, there, there.
[Johanne] Oh, my God, I can't even manage to buy one fucking almond! One!
So what you'll do
is just go outside for a nice walk and take in some fresh air.
- Dry your tears, okay? - Yeah.
Buy an almond.
- And we'll take care of the rest. - Yeah.
We're about five adults strong with a couple of twins.
- We can handle this, okay? - [Johanne] Yeah.
The stores are still open for another hour.
Yeah, everything's gonna be fine, Johanne.
[Johanne] Okay.
[Johanne grunts]
One almond?
Yup.
[cashier] You can't buy just one almond.
Why not?
We can't weigh it.
- [Johanne] Weigh it? - Yeah.
Do you have to weigh it? Can't you just punch it into the register?
I need to add it as a bulk weight, not as a single almond.
The scale can't even register the weight of one by itself.
[sighs] Okay, listen, I'm not buying more almonds
than this single fucking almond. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Well, there's no reason to be rude.
- [creaking] - [Johanne] There.
Register one damn almond.
32 kroners.
Keep the change.
Merry Christmas!
[gasps and exclaims]
- Hi. - Oh!
- [woman] Hi, Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- You on your way to work? - [both] Yeah.
It can actually be kinda nice to work Christmas Eve.
- Yes. Uh… Oh, yes. - [woman] It'll be nice.
Well, I'm out and about to find an almond for rice pudding.
- Wow, yeah, that's important. - Yes, it's super important.
But, uh… good night and Merry Christmas.
- See you in a few days at work. - [all chuckle]
- Merry Christmas! - [Johanne] Bye-bye.
[laughs]
Hey, Pop.
- Hey, there, sweetheart. - [Johanne chuckles]
[Tor clears throat]
I see you've brought a Christmas elk.
- Yeah. - [both laugh]
Now I have to… plug it in.
- You want to? - Yes.
- [Johanne chuckles] - [Tor] Here.
- Okay. Ready? - Yeah.
[both chuckle]
[Tor] It said reindeer on the box.
[chuckles]
I'm glad you've decided to come.
Course I would.
[car approaching]
[Jorid] Merry Christmas. Bye.
- Hi, Mom! - [Jorid] Hi, honey.
[Johanne] You're here!
- Hi. Merry Christmas! - Yeah, Merry Christmas!
- Hi! - Mmm.
- Want me to help you? - [Jorid] Yes. Thank you.
Hi, Tor.
Hi.
An elk?
Yeah, it had to come.
Not Christmas without it.
- No. - [both chuckle]
[Jorid clears throat]
Yeah…
[sighs]
Yeah, I'd hate to ruin this flowing and not at all awkward conversation
but, uh, it's a little past five, and it's Christmas Eve, so…
- maybe we should go in? - Yup.
- [Tor clears throat] Yeah. - [Jorid] Um…
It's nice to see you're out of the hospital.
I got really scared when I saw you there.
[Tor] You shouldn't be. It was nothing, really.
Are you still mad?
Why don't you take a guess?
Go inside?
Do you love me?
[Tor] What kind of question is that?
[Jorid] Do you love me?
[sighs] Jorid… Why do you ask?
Because I want to actually feel it.
Because I want to live my life to the fullest for many, many more years.
What are you trying to say?
That you don't love me.
That you haven't for some years.
You came on Christmas Eve to tell me that?
[Jorid] Well, why did you come here?
- 'Cause of the children. - [scoffs] That's bullshit.
You came here tonight 'cause you're terrified of being alone,
and that no one needs you.
Okay.
What about you?
I came here because I'm terrified of being alone…
and that no one needs me anymore.
What about…
your boyfriend?
There are 365 days in a year.
This is the best one for me.
The other 364 are much, much worse.
That's why I need him.
I need him because I need somebody who needs me.
To be taken for granted is awful.
- So during those 364 days, I'm terrible? - [chuckles softly]
You haven't exactly tried.
Not for many years.
[clears throat]
Okay, um…
I hear what you're saying, uh… I don't really know what to say.
You know, sometimes it's fine just to listen.
Hmm.
Should we go in for the kids?
For our sake?
For our sake.
["Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" by Matilda playing]
♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪ Let your heart be light ♪
♪ From now on ♪
♪ Your troubles will be out of sight ♪
Yeah, okay. Everyone, let's get seated.
There aren't any place cards this year so it's free seating!
Okay.
[doorbell buzzes]
It's probably the rice pudding. I'll go get the door.
- Yes, thank you! - [indistinct chatter]
- Hi. - Hi.
Do you remember me?
Yeah, of course! From the speed date.
- You're the one who started to… - Yeah.
I'm sorry I never ended up coming back to the table the whole date.
The bleeding didn't calm down, so… [chuckles]
Yeah. And I'm sorry I didn't just tell you, 'cause I was…
It was rather surprising, so…
No, I'm even more sorry because I…
I liked you.
I wanted to get to know you better.
Oh, yeah. I brought your, um…
Here. Rice pudding.
Sure!
[chuckles softly]
Yeah, well, I guess I should probably get going
'cause I have more deliveries…
Yeah, I understand.
But hey, now you know where I work.
Yeah.
So, uh, we could see each other again?
Oh, I'd love that.
- Super. - Yeah.
Okay, well, enjoy your Christmas Eve.
Yeah, thank you. You, too. Merry Christmas.
- Have a good night. - I'll see you.
Bye-bye.
♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪
Dad, are you all right?
Yeah.
Wonderful.
[laughs]
[whistles]
[chatter quiets]
Well, my wonderful family,
I'm very happy to see you all here tonight.
My mom…
Dad…
[child cries] Mommy.
Yeah, everyone here, basically…
- The crazies… - [all laughing]
…the twins,
my wonderful neighbors.
This would've been a disaster if you hadn't…
- No, Johanne! - …if you didn't all come over
to help me in some way.
I love Christmas, but I'm not great at putting it on.
Nonsense. This is perfect, sweetheart.
Yeah. To my credit, though, I did manage to get one almond.
[all cheering]
- I appreciate that! - [all laughing]
So, uh, as you can see,
I couldn't quite snag a boyfriend for Christmas this year either…
- [doorbell buzzes] - …but…
Please tell me we're not pulling a repeat of last year.
Or are you expecting another guest?
I wasn't.
[chuckles]
Trym!
Come on in.
I'm really happy you came.
Thanks for inviting me when we were at the Christmas market.
I'm sorry I'm late.
No.
Trym… Oh, hey, don't cry.
Hey, it'll be all right.
You're okay.
[crying] I didn't know what to do.
[shakily] I'm pathetic. I'm sorry.
You're not.
I know you're friends with Jeanette,
but it's so hard without the kids, and I didn't know what to do.
Well, hey, you couldn't have come to a better place.
My living room is chock-full of losers, myself in particular.
You're not a loser, though.
You organized this nice party and I can't even… [crying]
Hey, Trym, it's gonna be all right.
It's cool to be late. You're fashionably late.
[crying and sniffling] No, it's not cool.
I beg to differ. Stars are cool and they show up late.
I'm not a star these days. I'm more like a giant black hole.
Trym. Trym, come on. Come on, hey.
Let's start with, uh, getting your coat off.
- Yeah. - Okay?
- My scarf, too? - Totally. I can take your scarf.
And my coat.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, everyone?
This is Trym.
- [Trym] Hey. - [all] Hi!
[Johanne] Make room for him.
Yeah, come and sit, uh, between Jorid and me.
Yes.
We had your wife at Christmas Eve last year.
- Uh, ex… ex-wife. - Hmm?
- Ex-wife. - Ex-wife, yes.
[Sunniva] Sit here.
- There, there. Atta boy. - [Trym chuckles]
- [Tor grunts] - [Johanne] Okay.
- [Maria] This one? - [Sunniva] Yeah.
Oh, my darling. You're looking awfully upset.
[Johanne] Okay, everyone, eat.
- Everyone, please just… - [Jorid] Trym?
- You want a potato? - …eat. Just dig in.
[indistinct chatter]
[Johanne] Ah, thank you.
Really good.
Thank you.
[Jorid] This is good, Johanne.
Thanks. But, uh, I can't take credit for it.
- [Morten] Cheers! - [all] Cheers!
- [Maria] Merry Christmas! - Wait.
There you go!
- [all laughing] - [cell phone ringing]
[Johanne] Sorry.
Oh, it's Jørgunn!
[Jorid] Oh, hey! Put it on FaceTime!
- [Jørgunn] Hello! - Hi. Hi, Jørgunn!
Feliz Navidad!
She's calling from Spain.
- Hi! Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas, Jørgunn!
- Merry Christmas. Say, "Hi." - Hi.
Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas. - [Tor] Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Look… Look at the pork belly, Jørgunn! It's totally perfect!
Oh!
Nick… Nick prepared it.
- Merry Christmas. - What?
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. Oh, I miss you!
Oh, yeah, I miss you like crazy.
How are you doing?
Did you sort out the whole love thing?
And figure out the mystery of who gave you the roses?
Oh, my God, I did!
Okay. Who sent them?
Jonas.
Fuckboy!
- Was it actually? - Okay…
Jørgunn, the boys are here.
I totally knew it was him!
He was the one who gave you five orgasms in one...
- [Johanne] Okay… - [clears throat]
He made you come five times!
- [Johanne] Jørgunn… - Five freaking times.
- Uno, dos, tres… - [Johanne] Exactly.
- Feliz Navidad! - [Jørgunn] …cuatro, cinco… Five!
- Yes, all right. - Five times!
Uh, Jørgunn, I'll call you. I'll call you tomorrow.
Merry Christmas, okay?
- Feliz Navidad! - Merry Christmas, Fuckboy!
- Congratulations! - Yeah, okay.
- Bye! - Later.
[sighs]
So it wasn't Henrik that gave you the roses?
It wasn't.
Who is Fuckboy?
Well, uh, that'd be Jonas.
I met him in December last year. He's, uh, Swedish.
[chuckles nervously] Uh…
And the Swedish guy gave you five orgasms in one go?
Hmm… Yeah. That's a bit private, but yeah.
What does he do for a living?
He's in college. Wants to become a teacher.
[Tor] Hmm.
[Morten] Is he a nice guy?
Oh, yeah. I actually got to meet him here. Yeah, he's super nice. Yeah.
- Is he handsome? - [Noëlle] Handsome as hell.
And he, like, sent you some flowers?
Yeah, 100 roses. Last Christmas Eve.
[Trym] That's beautiful.
- I've never done that. - [chuckles softly]
Johanne's a capable woman who's in charge of her love life.
I'm sure she has a good reason not to, uh, take it further with the Swede.
Right, Johanne?
Yes. He's only 20 years old, so…
I meant a good reason.
So how do you feel when you're together?
Aside from the orgasms.
Okay, should we eat up? The food's gonna get cold...
No, not till you answer that question.
Uh…
I laugh a lot when I'm with him. He's very funny, so…
He's generous.
I feel really safe.
Yeah. There's next to no fuss.
I feel whole…
in a way.
And does he feel the same?
Uh…
♪ While he sleeps all safe and sound ♪
♪ Darkness turns to morning light… ♪
- [nurse] Hi. - Hi.
What's going on?
[exhales]
Johanne? Why are you here?
Hi. I realized I needed to tell you something important.
Okay. What is it?
Uh… I'm surrounded by lots of great people.
- Oh, wait, no. Fuck! - Uh, I'm happy for you, I think.
Hold on. That's not what I meant.
I meant… I have a big family who are all really great,
and who try their best, and who really love me in their own way.
And I have great friends who are there for me,
who, um… who try to teach me all about things,
like to be wiser, which, let's be honest, will take time with me.
And I have also, well, this workplace, and wonderful people I work with
who, um, spice up the day with songs and tantric, uh, breathing.
Okay.
I have all that, and so many great people, but still loneliness overwhelms me.
If I'm honest, I'm actually very scared of being alone.
I don't even like the thought of being completely alone,
I can't stand it.
Um…
And then I don't know a single thing about you or…
I mean, like, who you're friends with,
but I can see you.
And I see how you make other people around you feel.
And… [sniffling]
You always make people feel incredible.
Including me.
All the time.
That's such a great trait to have. [sniffles]
Thank you.
And you make those, uh, Christmas tree basket things,
and you bake rolls…
and you're awesome in bed. [chuckles softly]
Not that that's the most important thing,
but it's, like, a huge bonus. [chuckles]
And even though you hardcore dumped me last year,
I begin to smile every time I see you.
Every second spent with you is just so insanely nice,
so I just wanted to ask if I could stay here tonight.
If I could stay with you for a while.
Maybe through the holidays.
Maybe until New Year's Eve.
[sniffling] Or…
Easter.
I missed you.
[laughs]
So much.
♪ Listen to the angels sing ♪
♪ Whispering all the melody ♪
♪ Can't you keep me company? ♪
♪ Until the sun falls over me ♪
♪ I'll be waiting at the hour ♪
♪ Let me hold your hand in mine ♪
♪ Wish that by the time I wake up ♪
♪ You would be there by my side ♪