NARRATOR: Previously on Studio 60:
The show's not gonna be good on Friday. It can't be.
Doesn't have to be good. Just has to be on.
Wes is recovering from a heart attack. You two are in charge...
...of the most valuable property this network has ever owned.
You don't take shots at Bush. You don't take shots at America.
Feel free to make fun of Hollywood.
Three American soldiers were ambushed on a road in Paktika, Afghanistan.
One of them is Mark Jeter. He's a hostage.
TATE: My firm has offices around the world.
We consult on K&R insurance, that's kidnap and ransom.
Just for the sake of whatever, would you be able to make...
...a couple of phone calls and find out more?
-Yeah. BOYLE: Tom Jeter?
Capt. David Boyle. Mark's commanding officer at Nellis Air Force Base.
Lt. Jim Pierce, he's our chaplain.
-Have anyone you can call? Family or friends? -Danny Tripp.
-ls that the father? -No, but he wants to be.
DANNY: The baby's choking. -Just a little bit.
-Just a little bit? -Danny.
And Jordan's blood pressure is very high...
-...so shouting isn't gonna help. -Ah!
-Danny. -What's going on?
Everything's fine. Dr. Bremmer's got her in surgery.
Isn't this taking a long time for a C-section?
-I don't know, it's my first C-section. -Excellent.
When we opened her up...
...there was a deep invasion of the trophoblast into the superficial muscle.
The maternal surface was irregular...
...with variable fragmentation of the cotyledons.
-Don't know what that means. -Me neither.
-Doctor. -She's bleeding internally...
-...because the placenta's attached. -She's bleeding internally?
-Yeah. -lsn't that--? Is that life-threatening?
Going for a newspaper is life-threatening--
-Kid, I will beat you up. -She's fine.
We'll remove the placenta and stop the bleeding.
-She's fine? -She's gonna be fine.
-She's gonna be fine? -Yeah.
When would you say that's gonna be?
We started her off on a local.
Now she's under general anesthesia, she's at risk for seizures.
I hear risk, I hear seizure.
Take it easy. Go across the street, get a drink.
I can't, I'm an alcoholic.
-Bummer for you. -Yeah, I know.
-I'm gonna go back in there. Okay. -Okay.
Hey, before, I said some things about your age...
...I said some disparaging comments about your age.
You don't take that out on the patients, do you?
-Yeah, all the time. -Doctor....
I'm Jess, okay? Everything's gonna be fine.
-There's nothing you're not telling me? -No.
-Wait. -Yes.
-She's on general anesthesia? -Yeah.
-lsn't that dangerous for the baby? -The baby's been delivered.
-What? -Baby's been delivered. She's great.
-The baby's been delivered? -Yeah.
-The baby's out? She's here? -Yeah.
-The baby's been born? -Yeah.
Jess, I said, "There's nothing you're not telling me? "
-I forgot. -You forgot you delivered the baby?
I should've written it, that's me.
-Can I see her? -Not quite yet. She's in the NlCU.
-That's intensive care. -Yeah.
-Why? -She's a couple of weeks early.
To monitor her heart rate, blood gases, keep her under a heat lamp.
-She's fine? -Six pounds, two ounces.
She's only six--? No, that's exactly what she's supposed to be.
Get a hold of yourself.
Do you have a friend who can sit with you, help you relax?
-Danny, sorry we're late. -Danny.
Racer X here was driving, and we hit a parking meter.
-You kept shouting "Turn left." -At the street.
These are the calming influences.
-Okay, I'm gonna head back in. -What's happening?
-She's bleeding internally. -Why?
There's an invasion of trophoblast in the superficial muscle.
-What's that? -I don't know.
They don't teach that at film school. Doctor thinks everything's okay.
-Was that the doctor? -Yeah.
-That guy? What is he, 1 5? -He's pretty young.
-He is. -You're making him nervous.
I'm concerned Doogie Howser is working on my friend and her baby.
The baby was delivered.
-What? -Six pounds, two ounces.
I can't see her. They say she's doing great. Also, I got engaged.
-What? -You did it?
-Yeah. -What are you...?
-When? -When did I ask?
-Yeah. -Right before she went in.
-I asked, gave her the ring, she said yes. -I hadn't finished the proposal.
-I know. -Which did you use?
-Hang on. -I didn't use any.
-You ad-libbed? -I had to.
I was working on this marriage proposal.
-What do you want me to do? -The text. You can't just wing it.
-lt worked. -Mine would've worked better.
-How? -Will the two of you shut up?
-Okay. -All right.
-You asked her to marry you? -Yeah.
-You knew about this? -I was supposed to be the Cyrano.
-He goes off-- -lt was long.
-lt was weighty. -Fat, it's called fat.
-Well, you have to deliver it with-- -I will kill you both in a hospital.
-You're engaged. -Yeah.
-And there's a baby. -Yeah.
Because like an hour ago, none of that was true.
Things are moving fast tonight.
-What's happening with Tom? -He's back at the theater.
I know that.
Oh, he's with two officers.
-Mark's commander and a chaplain. -Yeah?
News got out that it's Tom's brother, so the press is camped outside.
No new news out of Afghanistan?
You gotta take that off your plate for a few hours.
-Why? -You've got enough.
-She'll be fine. -I'm sure you're right.
But right now she's bleeding, and your stepdaughter-to-be is in the lCU.
I think that's all you should have to think about.
I hate saying this, but Harriet's right. I can take care of everything back--
Let's stop calling her my stepdaughter.
She's my daughter.
Started being that the moment she was born.
And I really wouldn't mind meeting her if that isn't too much to ask!
Easy does it.
All right, here's what I need you to do. Go back to the theater.
-Try to normalize things with everybody. -That won't happen.
I know, but trying will give everyone something to do.
-Did you set a date? -What?
-Did you two set a date? -And we chose a caterer.
-Women and weddings. -I know.
-How would you know? -Go back to the theater.
I'm going back, but Harriet's staying.
-You don't need to. -Stay here with him.
Is there anything you need from me?
No.
-Are you sure? -What would I need from you?
I don't know, I was....
Call me every 1 0 minutes, let me know what's going on.
We need your car, I took your car.
My parents are in the green room with the chaplain.
-I can't remember his name. -Lt. Pierce.
Lieutenant Pierce.
The doctor's given my mother a shot of a sedative called Atrividium.
-Yeah. -My father's taking shots of a sedative...
...called Johnnie Walker Red.
All right. You can't tell me if there's a rescue mission underway.
-No. -You can't tell me if you think...
...there's a rescue mission underway, if in your experience--
-No. -No what?
No, I can't tell you anything.
Even if the building weren't surrounded by reporters, I couldn't tell you anything--
Lord Almighty, kid, just how famous are you?
Not that famous. There's just nothing else going on tonight.
-There are two wars. -Now they're covering one of them.
Any relatives who could get captured in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans?
Got a strange sense of humor.
Hey, I'm not the one who went on TV a few hours ago...
...doing "Healthy Cooking with Nicolas Cage."
Neither am l. That's Alex Dwyer who does Nic Cage.
Which one are you?
-What does it matter? -Just making conversation.
I do Bush. I do John Edwards. I do Donald Trump. I do whatever.
-You do Muhammad. -I did tonight.
" Muhammad the Thin-Skinned Prophet."
You can't tell me that my brother's up there...
...because I made fun of Muhammad tonight.
Yeah, kid, I'm sure the Taliban watches Studio 60.
Maybe they TiVo it.
-What is your job here? -Comfort.
-You're not very good at it. -I keep telling them.
-There's nothing you know? -There's a lot.
There's just nothing I can tell you.
-Do you know how he's being treated? -I'm sorry?
You heard me.
-I honestly didn't. -Do you know how he's treated?
-No. -Yes, you do. Is he being beaten up?
It's not a good idea to engage in hypotheticals.
You're right. It's probably not.
Except this isn't a hypothetical, this is actually happening!
-You wanna hit me? -What?
If you wanna hit me, it's okay.
I'm looking at you, I'm looking at me, it doesn't seem like it'll hurt.
-I think I can use a sedative myself. -Now we're talking.
-You're such a jackass. -I know.
Can you believe they made me a captain?
Yeah, I can believe anything now.
-You'll be able to see him soon, Luce. -What?
-You'll be able to see him soon. -I'd like to see him now.
I know, but he's in a certain....
And he doesn't wanna take it out on you.
He can take anything he wants, I'm his girlfriend.
The military guys know what they're doing.
You can tell by the way Mark's blindfolded and in chains.
-Where's Darius? -With Tom's parents.
-What are you guys doing? -We're just surfing for information.
Conservatives didn't like the cold open.
-What are you talking about? -Leave it alone.
The Tony Snow press conference, troop surge. They didn't like it.
-Show me where you are. -Lucy.
-They're saying they didn't like it? -Did you expect them to?
It was Tom's sketch. Why would they weigh in with their opinions?
-Don't read any more. -No, I will.
Luce, you don't wanna read any more.
-Hello. -What's going on at the hospital?
Jordan is in surgery.
She's bleeding internally, but they say she's gonna be fine.
-That's all? -No, there's a little bit more.
-Yeah. -She delivered the baby.
She delivered the baby? Two weeks early?
Yeah, but the baby's fine. Sixteen pounds, two ounces.
Sixteen pounds?
Is that not normal?
Did she give birth to a tuna fish?
-Matty. Six pounds. -Yeah. Six pounds.
The point is the baby's fine. She's under observation.
-She's healthy and fine. -Anything else?
-No. -Matty?
Yes, great news. Danny and Jordan are engaged.
-They're engaged? -Yeah.
-To be married? -No, just in a conversation.
Yes, they're engaged to be married.
[GRUNTS]
ANDY: What the hell?
Luce.
Sorry.
-I told her not to read it. -Read what?
The Angry Pajama People.
We were surfing the net for anything about Tom's brother.
DYLAN: I landed on a site-- MATT: What did she read?
SlMON: "Let's face some facts, people.
Hollywood is a land of liberals, fags and traitors.
You reap what you sow."
He means S-O-W, but he spelled it like a needle and thread.
"You reap what you sow, and Jeter's brother's paying the price."
-Whole site's like that. -Obviously, no one's going--
Except for posts suggesting it's a publicity stunt to prop up ratings.
MATT: Forget it. Nobody's going home for a while.
Danny and I think it'd be a good idea for us all to stay here and stay busy.
Let's start on how well we've been served...
...by those who face the facts, people.
-Simon-- -And reap what they knit.
-Let's-- -Sorry, I meant "reap what they sew."
-Not this week. Not this week. -It's six years later.
I don't think Toby Keith patriots feel stupid enough.
-Not this week. -Why not?
He got sucked into this years ago. I don't want it to happen again.
Since when do we do the show to make someone feel stupid?
-I didn't get sucked in. -Matt.
-I didn't get sucked in, Cal, I walked in. -Matt.
I walked in.
All right, everybody, settle down. Settle down.
Danny and I just came back from Jack Rudolph's office.
We went there to ask if we could not go on the air Friday night.
-And? -We're going on the air Friday night.
-Fat ass. -Nevertheless, we're going on the air.
He had rather strict instructions about content.
ANDY: Like what? -There shouldn't be any.
Seriously, what instructions about content?
You know, no attacks at Bush, no attacks at the White House.
You know what he means. Let's go around the room.
Bush says the most important thing we can do is shop.
How about " Freedom Shoppers"?
Did you hear me say we're not doing that?
-It's a new show with Regis Philbin. -Denny.
Who Wants to be Free? Contestants compete for the opportunity to shop.
Stop kidding around, we got a show to do. What else we got?
Barry Bonds hit his 73rd home run.
Okay, well, that's not funny at all.
Eminem and Kim Basinger are doing a movie.
-When does it come out? -A year and a half.
Okay, well, let's wait till then to do the sketch.
-What else? Deb, what are you reading? -New York Times.
-Anything? -Karl Rove was out here.
He wants the studios to make films that are more patriotic.
Shopping and movies, that's exactly how we won World War ll.
-Man, he said knock it off. -White House is making movie pitches?
-Yeah. -Okay, well, let's save that...
...because Rudolph was pretty clear about....
Yeah, he didn't wanna....
Let me see that.
MAN: Speaking at a memorial service at the Pentagon this morning...
...Bush vowed to "destroy terror with every weapon in the U. S. arsenal "...
...unquote, as he marked one month since the September 1 1 attacks.
Meanwhile, air strikes continue in Afghanistan...
...for the fifth consecutive day...
...and military officials say it'll be a matter of weeks, not days...
...before they secure Taliban-held regions of Afghanistan.
-Weeks? -Yeah.
-lt' ll take weeks to beat these guys? -You know what I was just thinking?
Delay the season premiere until this thing is over.
We're doing okay you and me.
We'll run this show when Wes retires. We're doing all right.
First, Wes will never retire. Second, we haven't done anything yet.
Third, should we be talking about taking over...
...when he's in hospital with a heart attack?
He had the attack already, it's not a continuing condition.
-You're right. Let's raid his fridge. -How's it going?
There's a piece about Karl Rove coming out here.
Yeah?
He met with studio and network heads and reps from the guilds.
-That story's three days old. -But I just read it.
What were you reading three days ago?
Anything that doesn't have to do with things we're not allowed this week.
-I've been looking at news on J-Lo. -Anything?
No.
The White House sent the most senior counselor to the president to L.A...
...to tell us to make more patriotic product.
That's not what happened.
He was invited out here by a couple of people including a writer.
The writer was Lionel Chetwynd who's to the right of Harriet Hayes.
Other executives showed up because they didn't want to end up on a list.
-One of those executives was Jack. -You're making my point.
-I have no idea what your point is. -Danny.
There were no instructions given on content.
I'm not accusing anybody. We're all on the same side.
-Then what are you saying? -That it's funny.
-What is? -Karl Rove...
...in a room with studio and network heads...
...trying to beat the terrorists with movie pitches.
-Talking about a sketch? -That's all.
This is what Jack told us not to do.
No, he said it was okay to make fun of Hollywood. In fact, he encouraged it.
We went to his office and said we shouldn't be on the air yet, he said no.
If we go on the air with sketches that ignore the world, then we're irrelevant.
-I hate being irrelevant. -I know.
-Give me a first draft I can run by Wes. -Good.
-Hey, Matt? -Yeah.
Please remember that neither one of us have lives.
-I agree. What do you mean? -Try not to get us fired.
Show's the only thing I have right now. I don't see that changing any time soon.
DANNY: I would like to see my daughter. -You need an lD bracelet.
-What's that? -An lD bracelet.
I don't have an lD bracelet. What am l, Joey Buttafuoco?
A hospital lD bracelet.
-HlPAA regulations-- -Miss--
-Nurse. -Miss Nurse--
-Just "nurse." -I'm not gonna steal the baby.
Well, that's what people who steal babies say.
They don't come into a hospital and announce their intention to steal a baby.
That's why we have strict regulations. You're not on the authorization list.
No one's on the list.
-Danny-- -She was rushed into surgery.
Says on the chart she was here for two hours before being brought into the O.R.
Yes. That's true...
...but we're sitting out there waiting. We didn't know that--
-Now, if the real father-- -I'm the real father.
-The biological father. -The biological father's a twerp.
Do you see him around here anywhere?
By the way, I'm a little tweaked that he got to sleep with my fiancée.
You know who I am, you know what's going on.
-I'm entitled to see her. -lsn't that like a man?
Baby's not home, he's saying what he's entitled to...
...and how his needs aren't being met ever since the baby was born.
-What are you talking about? -Okay.
That is my daughter in the lCU.
I want her to see that there is a big grown man...
...who's gonna take care of her for the rest of her life starting now.
No. It's gonna have to be starting when you get an lD bracelet.
Excuse me.
-I'm thinking about stealing the baby. -Let me take care of this.
-What are you gonna do? -Talk to her calmly, woman to woman.
-What did she say? -You can't see her without the bracelet.
Good work.
She's a big fan of my work though.
Then she'll be disappointed when I fire you.
-You want a Mento? -Could you get some news on Tom?
-You're not supposed to think about that. -Get some news on Tom.
-With the baby, if you shout like that-- -Get some news on Tom.
Better.
Is it okay to smoke in here?
You and your brother sure took different paths.
Yeah.
Which of you is the black sheep?
Me.
-He's a good engineer. -I know.
We repaired an airstrip outside Kabul together on his first tour.
It was January, 1 0 degrees, 40-mile-per-hour winds.
We just wanted to get out of there...
...but he convinced me to stay another day.
He said if the water-to-cement ratio wasn't lowered...
...another team would come back in six months and do it again.
He said he didn't want some kid put in danger...
...because he laid lousy cement.
Yeah.
-How you doing, my brother? -Why's everyone still here?
Nobody's going anywhere until you're out of the woods.
Your mom's asleep.
They shot her up with something.
Your dad was asking, so I had somebody take him over to a chapel...
...with that Lt. Pierce, the chaplain.
Thanks.
There's wall-to-wall news on TV, and no information.
What's going on?
Is there a negotiation? Is there a rescue mission?
Is the Red Cross involved? The U.N.? What's happening?
-I can't tell you that. -Why the hell not?
-One thing, I don't know who you are. -I'm Simon Stiles, a cast member here.
I'm his best friend, and I'm the guy who's talking to you right now.
I guess that's enough to clear you for classified information.
-Chief, if you-- -It's "captain." Don't front off with me.
I'm not in show business, and I'm not from the 'hood.
-What's he here for? -Comfort.
Quiet down, listen up, there's a lot of rumors flying around...
...but chances are whatever you think you know is wrong, so here it is.
There's been no new information on Tom's brother.
Jordan's still in surgery, but Danny says everything is fine.
She delivered, six pounds, two ounces, not 1 6 pounds...
...which would be too many pounds.
She's a healthy, beautiful baby girl.
-Danny's seen her? -No.
-You just said she was beautiful. -We assume these things.
Is there anything else?
-No. -Matt.
Oh, Jordan and Danny are engaged.
[APPLAUSE]
And that is all the information.
Why are there pieces of a computer lying on the floor?
-I threw it against the wall. -Okay.
The nocturnal nut brigade came after Tom on the lnternet.
-The Pajama People? -Yeah.
Don't worry about it, here's what we'll do.
Danny wants us to stay together and stay busy.
So Cal and I thought it'd be a good idea to do the Sunday postmortem now...
...Friday night, which is now Saturday morning.
-You wanna do it now? -Yeah. So let's go from the top.
What did we do wrong tonight?
Well, I said, "Live from Studio City on the Sunset Strip. "
Yes, and you know the name of the show is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
-Yes. -And you know this...
...because you've been announcing the show for 20 years.
Yes.
Okay, that's done. What's next?
-Matt? -Yeah.
If the baby's been delivered, why is Jordan still in the O.R.?
She's bleeding, because of the thing....
-The placenta? -Yeah.
She has placenta accreta.
-Danny says it's not serious. -It's not.
My wife had it, that's why I'm asking why Jordan is still in the O.R.
She's been in there for two hours, Matt.
Well, Danny says--
There's something they're not telling Danny.
Something's going wrong.
All right.
All right, the show announce, Studio City--
-That's gonna haunt me. -It's been 20 years, you were due.
At 1 :22 of the show clock, we had a four-second sound drop...
...beginning with Tom's line:
"The president has held this would be a long fight."
Match sound from the dress for syndication.
You think she's been in there too long?
-I'm not a doctor, but-- -Excuse me.
[PHONE RlNGS]
-Yeah. MATT: What's going on?
Hang on, I'll call you back. How is she?
-Relax. -How is she?
I'll tell you, but I'll use words that sound worse than they are.
Go ahead.
Jordan was completely repaired, and we felt confident...
...that she could sustain future pregnancies.
She was completely repaired?
She went into shock when we wheeled her into...
-What happened? -...recovery.
-She went into shock? -Take it easy.
Her clotting factors were consumed exponentially during the initial bleeding.
Her body can't stop bleeding at the initial incision site.
So, what do you do?
We closed her up, but what's developed is DlC...
...which is disseminated intravascular coagulopathy.
That's a scary way of saying that she won't clot.
Well, it worked. I'm scared.
Don't be. The head of Hematology's in charge now.
He's administering drugs he has confidence in.
Is she conscious?
Yes, but extremely groggy, and we'll keep her that way...
...in case we have to open her up again.
I promise you that I will let you know when to panic.
These are post-op complications, we'll be out of the woods by sunrise.
-ls there anything that I can do for you? -They won't let me see the baby.
-Annette? -Yes, sir.
-Get him a damn bracelet. -I can't do that, doctor.
Well, then at least let him stand outside the NlCU.
Let's go for God's sakes, come on.
Give us a few minutes.
-He seem nervous to you? -No.
-Matt. -So, what's going on?
-It's all gonna be okay. -I know it is. What's going on?
They're taking care of her.
Andy said that with what she's got, she shouldn't be in surgery this long.
-There were complications. -I'm coming back there.
No, stay where you are. I need to know Tom will be okay.
Well, what are the complications?
They can't get her to stop bleeding.
It's not a big deal, it's gonna be fine.
Matty, he says it sounds scarier than it is.
-I'll be right here. -Well, stay there.
Is there press? Do I need to ask?
They've got us surrounded, we're bunkered in.
They want a shot of Tom.
Well, at least it's a reminder that we never quite finished the first war.
I don't think Tom needs any reminding.
-Keep calling me. -Keep calling me.
-I will. -Fifteen minutes goes by...
...without hearing from you, I'll drive there with a police escort.
Where will you get a police escort from?
I'll commit a crime and lead them in a high-speed chase if I have to.
-I am not kidding around. -All right.
Harry, you can look all you want, but you'll never find a guy better than him.
Let's go wash your hands and face, you're gonna meet your kid.
I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Cal, Andy, keep running the postmortem.
All right, this one's on me.
-I blew a camera cue. -Where?
-I'm still on Tony Snow. I couldn't snap. -You couldn't snap?
There was popcorn with butter, and I couldn't snap.
They didn't hear me call it right away.
Moving to 7B.
-I'd like to stay on Tony Snow a second. -All right.
-What do you have? -lt was wrong.
-What? -The sketch, it was wrong.
You don't think we should've opened with it?
I'm fine opening with it, but the sketch was wrong.
Premise was press secretary paints a rosy picture.
-Yeah. -That's what they're paid to do.
Targets of comedy should've been the people buying it.
-Not a lot buying it anymore. -Yeah, anymore.
That bandwagon's lightened up since the old days.
And I think the comedy's in the people who broke their ankles jumping off.
All right, noted.
What did Matt mean when he said he walked into it?
-What? -You said Matt got sucked into it...
...the first time, and he said he walked into it.
DANNY: Okay, so a slate, maybe an off-screen VO.
Holly Hunter screen test for Silence of the Lambs.
[lMlTATES HANNlBAL LECTER] What became of your lamb, Clarice?
[lMlTATES CLARlCE STARLlNG] I don't know.
I didn't have any food, any water, it was very, very cold.
-I thought if I could save-- -This actually sounds like Jodie Foster.
-I know. -Keep going.
I thought if I could save just one, but he was very, very heavy--
-Now it's Colonel Sanders. -That wasn't.
Okay, then it was Colonel Sanders' mother or something.
DANNY: All right, rough cutaway to a new slate,
also probably with an off-screen VO.
Holly Hunter screen test for Gladiator.
HARRlET [lMlTATES HOLLY HUNTER] : My brother had Gracchus arrested.
We daren't wait any longer. We must leave tonight.
Your servant Cicero will be waiting there with horses.
Let me try that again.
Your servant Cicero will be waiting there with horses.
Can I help you?
Uh, can you give us a minute?
-I read ahead in the packet. -Yeah.
-Karl Rove sketch. -It's not a Karl Rove sketch.
It says " Karl Rove sketch" at the top.
Jerry, we just name these things so we can remember what they are.
-I can change the name. -lt doesn't matter.
There are 45 sketches in this packet.
-Forty-seven. -There are 47 sketches in that packet.
-We'll do the best 1 0. -Let's not go round and round.
-We haven't even read it yet. -I've read it.
No, out loud. By actors.
Does it get less inflammatory if it's read out loud?
-I don't think it's inflammatory. -Jack met with you, he told me.
-Yeah. -And he said nothing anti-American.
-This isn't anti-American. -That's over the line.
Nothing anti-American in that sketch.
It's about a meeting with the studio heads.
Karl Rove came out here, and all the executives...
...were pitching around ideas for TV series and movies.
It's mocking patriotism.
I think we get away with it because it's Hollywood.
It's not mocking patriotism.
I gotta be honest, I resent that.
You've cut sketches of mine before, that has never been the case.
-Well, I'm sorry if-- -It's not mocking patriotism.
It's mocking patriotism being good for business...
...which is what's happening.
I really don't care how you interpret my decision, it is my decision.
I have 1 2 other shows to vet.
Screw it.
-Jerry. -Yeah?
Is it your decision to make?
-Yeah. -This isn't a standards issue.
We're not saying any words you're not allowed.
No one's taking their clothes off or teaching how to make meth.
-This is content. -Call it what you want.
You're taking advantage of the fact that Wes isn't here.
Because he'd have thrown your ass out 20 minutes ago...
...and done whatever sketch he wanted to.
I want you to assume that we are Wes...
...and that's what's happening now.
If for no other reason than you have a chance...
...to be executive producers of this show one day...
...don't do things stupidly now.
MARY: Matt? -Yeah.
-You've been standing here. -I saw you were on the phone.
The guys in London are talking to the guys in lslamabad...
-...who are talking to the guys in Kabul. -And?
They're trying to find out some things.
Is this a realistic idea worth pursuing or is this just some--?
-This is not fly-by-night. -Neither am l.
I'm not saying do it. Let them find out who and what we're talking about.
Let them find out who the players are, if all three guys are still together, if....
-All right. -All right.
How's Jordan?
Oh, she's having some post-op complications.
-Like what? -They can't stop her from bleeding.
She's got intravascular coagulation. DlC.
-You know medicine too? -A little bit.
-Are you and Jordan close? -Yeah, I like her a lot.
-My best friend's in love with her. -Yeah?
-By the way, they're engaged now. -Danny and Jordan?
Yeah, he proposed to her right before she went in for a C-section.
He didn't use the material I wrote, but she said yes anyway.
-That's great. -They'll let him see the baby in a minute.
-Yeah? -Yeah, I should go and check.
-Matt? -Yeah.
-Nothing. -What?
He shouldn't--
-Forget it. -Mary?
He shouldn't see the baby. He shouldn't make a connection with her.
-Why not? -You know why not.
No, I don't.
Mary, I swear to God I don't.
-lf something happens with Jordan-- -Jordan's gonna be fine.
If something happens with Jordan...
...an engagement ring doesn't give Danny any rights with the baby.
Hi.
It's okay now.
I got your back.
Has Mark received any kind of education in this kind of situation?
Are they taught what to do in this situation?
Yes, he's received Law of Armed Conflict training.
It's six articles that provide a guideline for conduct in a POW situation...
...along with the applicable rules of the Geneva Convention.
But Mark's not a POW, they keep telling us so.
The they doesn't know what they're talking about.
But, yes, he's being held by a militia.
I'm sure the Afghans have their pocket copies...
...of the Geneva Conventions...
...and take them just as seriously as we did.
-What's he doing up there? -ls that Russell?
-What's he doing up there? -ls he a friend of yours?
No. We worked here together for a couple of months.
WOMAN: You were employed at Studio 60 from...?
They've run out of experts.
-Don't listen to him, Tom. RUSSELL: 1998 to 2002.
WOMAN: You were a talent coordinator for the show?
RUSSELL: Well, a talent coordinator and then a segment producer.
- You were Tom Jeter's boss? - Yes.
-When were you ever my boss? -Russell...
...reports on the Internet say Tom and his brother Mark...
...have been estranged for a few years.
-What the hell is he talking about? -I think that's accurate.
You think it's because of the war? His brother went to fight?
Well, I don 't like to speculate...
-Oh, do. -...but I think it's safe to say...
... that everybody over there was pretty much against the war.
-What in the hell is this guy--? -Don't listen to it, Tom.
I want that corrected.
-Don't worry. -We're not estranged.
We're not estranged, we e-mail each other. I want that corrected.
-Don't-- -Stop saying that.
If we do one thing right, we're gonna do that. I'm going out there.
-No. -I'm talking to them. I want it corrected.
-You can't. You can't. -Get out of my way. Get out of my way.
I'll go. Tom, I'll go.
Leon Cushman's out there from the Post. I have a relationship with him.
-I'll talk to him alone. -Tell him to fix it.
Tell him to tell everybody else.
I will. It's fine.
-George, I need you. -Yes, sir.
Have one of your guys go out there, find a reporter named Leon Cushman.
Have them very quietly tell him to meet me, use my name...
...to meet me by the side door in the alley at the loading dock.
-Manny. -Thank you.
In "Blind Date," the rewrite didn't make it to the floor...
-...so they were doing the old pages. -Jeannie.
-Yeah? -Yeah, so, I mean....
-I need you to come with me. -Where?
Leon Cushman's gonna meet me on the side.
There's a story out that Tom and Mark are estranged.
-Leave it alone. -Tom wants it fixed.
Cushman's gonna meet me at the side.
I'll talk to him for half a minute. I want you there with me.
-Sure, but why? -Leon wants to sleep with you.
-He'll do this for me to impress you. -He doesn't wanna sleep with me.
This isn't the time to be delicate. There's no such thing...
...as someone who doesn't wanna sleep with you.
-ls it smart to be talking to press? -We'll be fine.
-Really? -What are you worried about?
A rerun of six years ago.
MAN: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld stated today...
...that Bin Laden was probably still in Afghanistan...
...and many Americans are wondering how close the U.S. is to capturing him.
Yesterday, the president released a list of the 22...
-...most wanted criminals who have.... -Excuse me.
-What' s that? -lt' s a fig leaf.
Your prop master gave it to me. See, I've got a sense of humor too.
No, he's got a sense of humor, that's poison ivy.
It's fake poison ivy, and I think you meant it as an olive branch...
-...but what do you need? -You know what I need.
Wes talked to Jack. Wes says it stays.
Jack needs you to speak to Wes.
You can't put the sketch on the air, and Jack can't tell Wes not to.
We think the sketch, Wes, Matt, myself, we think--
Why not take the guesswork out of it and cut the sketch?
It would be our preference not to be on at all, but we were turned down.
So if we are gonna be on, we can't ignore--
You're not ignoring it. You've got the sketch based on the kids' show.
-"Muslims Say the Darnedest Things." -Yes.
-We're not doing that one. -You're cutting it?
We are. I can't help but notice that's not at the request of the network.
-That one resonates. -lt resonates.
Pokes fun at the Taliban's oppression of women.
-Lets us know why we're fighting. -No, it doesn't.
It's Luke Scott dumping every Muslim in the world together.
Ah.
-Ah, what? -It's not going on because it's Luke's.
Jerry....
-We've all been there, Matt. -Been where?
She broke up with you, she's with him...
...so you're cutting a sketch even though it resonates with Americans--
It resonates if you wanna endorse a pogrom.
Then change Muslims to muftis or mullahs.
Is he...?
I don't think many Americans are taking time right now...
...to distinguish between mullahs, muftis and Muslims.
If you rewrote the sketch, you could make it clear...
...America has no problem with Muslims, only with the radical fundamentalists.
We have our own radical fundamentalists here I can write about.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-It's talk like that that's got us scared. -Don't be.
-Thanks. -I'm scared of getting blown up.
I'm scared of getting hit by a car, of spiders...
...I'm just not scared of talk.
Tell Wes you wanna cut the Karl Rove sketch.
-No. -Okay, here's what we'll do.
You get the ad reps to the dress tomorrow. You tell them nothing.
-lf they have a problem, we'll cut it. -You will?
-We will? -We will.
Your word?
Yeah.
Thank you.
What was that?
I'm scared of other things.
-Hey, Leon. -You asked for me?
Do me a favor. There's a story out there that Tom's estranged from his brother.
It's not true. It's not close to true, it's upsetting Tom.
-Can you help us with it? -Yeah, I'll do what I can.
-Thanks. -But how is he?
He's fine. Point is, they're as close as I've ever seen two brothers.
They e-mail each other, talk on the phone whenever they can.
-Tom and his parents live and die with-- WOMAN: Simon.
-They followed you? -Come on.
-Let me ask you one question. WOMAN: Is Tom sedated?
-Why is the military--? -Who's with him?
-I'm not answering any questions. -Come on, who's with him?
An Air Force captain, Mark's commander from Nellis...
...his parents, and the entire cast and crew.
-No one's left the building? -No one's left.
Simon, is it possible that NBS let the story leak to boost the ratings?
-What? -Come on.
You think NBS leaked that it was Tom's brother...
...to boost West Coast ratings?
-Simon, get out of here. -Are you stupid?
-Are you simply a stupid man? -I'm just doing my job.
-How about I bust your head? -You threatening me?
You like making this entertainment?
Come on, it's the Sunset Strip.
MARY: Matt. -Yeah?
Okay. This is potentially good news.
Trask is pretty sure the group that captured Jeter, Valdez and Smith...
...is led by a Taliban commander named Asadullah Rashiq.
He's come out of hiding...
...and discovered kidnapping civilians can fund his heroin business.
This is what passes for good news?
Yeah, because if it's him, there's a good chance...
...you can buy them all back.
It's time you had a talk...
...with someone who knows what they're talking about.
-Oh, God. -What?
SlMON: It was you people who helped get us into this. It was you.
That war, it never ended. You just lost interest in it.
-What's he doing? -Like the rest of this country...
... you 've got the attention span of a damn 6-year-old.
This whole country is nothing but a bunch of idiot teenagers...
...and if every one of you was mowed down by friendly fire...
...I'd pop a bottle of Cristal.
Yeah, we got a whole new story.
[ENGLlSH SDH]