Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com
- Cute dress she has on. - Yeah.
Are you happy to see me?
Yes.
- Toby... - Hiya, Matilda!
Oh, my God.
Dad, you're supposed to stay in the car.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know the rules.
Okay. Hi, Matilda!
Hello, Drea's Mom!
That's a lovely dress you've got on.
Yeah, I said the same thing earlier.
Thank you.
Suze has been practicing
social distance on me,
just 'cause I forgot our anniversary.
What?
He's making a joke.
It's a terrible dad joke.
Can you go now, please?
Oh... Yes. Yes. Yes, dear.
Uh, let us know if you need anything.
We're right here.
Bye.
Okay.
Hi.
Genevieve, do you wanna wrestle?
Is no one else weirded out with what's happening out there?
Alex, do you wanna wrestle?
You're gonna get it.
Matilda making her girlfriend
socially distance, it's atypically weird.
You always pretend you wanna wrestle
but you just wanna kiss.
Her parents are just sitting there.
What? I thought they were just dropping her off.
They're literally just eating popcorn.
Well, what do I do? I feel like I should invite them in,
but that's... I can't. Matilda says I'm not allowed.
Do they know that I'm not allowed?
- Go say hi. - "Say hi"?
I don't wanna talk to new people.
I don't know how to talk to new people.
Ask them questions.
Ugh. Questions?
Why does everyone always want me to ask questions?
Did you hear Luke got into
a sports management course?
No.
It has a very low success rate as a career.
Hi, Drea. I'm going to make small talk with your parents
'cause I'm a big, brave boy.
Hello.
Bye.
- Hello. Hi, there. - Wow!
Look at you!
- You're as tall as can be. - Thank you.
I hope you don't mind us settling in out here.
No, I don't mind it, but I don't like it.
I mean, my guests stuck in their car. How drab.
We're absolutely fine, we've got CD's.
I mean, even with CD's...
There must simply be more to life
than this driveway to nowhere.
Oh, we're fine.
Plus, nobody's really trying to live their lives nowadays, are they?
Toby's just a little disappointed.
Uh, when Drea went to college
we were gonna go on a cruise to Alaska.
Oh!
I went on a cruise once,
but I did the gay version.
Yeah, no one chose me
so instead I just got fat at the buffet.
Those men missed out on something very special.
Thank you. Thank you so, so much.
- I'll tell you this... - Hmm.
Those tickets, they were not cheap.
Yeah.
Do you know what I think?
- I'll tell you what I think. - What?
I think maybe what this calls for is frozen mojitos,
would you like a frozen mojito?
Ohh, no!
- Oh... - No.
We're off processed sugar.
Oh...
We're not off sugar.
That's a lie we tell each other.
Yes! Okay!
Frozen mojitos. Gorgeous.
Mojitos!
- In the car! - Okay.
Personally, I'm taking a gap year.
It's very British.
People don't do that here,
but I don't always follow the rules.
That makes sense.
I was dazzling!
I always get so gay when I'm talking to heterosexual people.
I do it on purpose 'cause they need it so much.
How are Matilda and Drea acting?
Uh, cute.
Yeah, they're like cute, I guess.
My parents are getting divorced.
Now?
Yeah, my dad's about to call.
How are you feeling about that?
Probably not good.
I don't know.
What's divorce to a 25-year-old?
I need you to tell me.
I don't know. Like, I honestly don't know.
I-I guess I'm just disappointed
they aren't gonna try to buy my love.
I mean, I need a new sweater.
It's just that if you don't know if you're sad or not,
then I can't work out how to appropriately react.
I think you can just be normal.
Normal feels like a loaded request.
I, um...
I offered Toby and Suze frozen mojitos,
but I...
Yeah, I'm not gonna follow through with that anymore.
Actually, I think, uh,
frozen mojitos may be the only option.
Oh, my God. That's what I said. That's what I said out there.
Just now. Me and you are so cute.
We're not getting divorced.
My dad.
Oi. Ugh!
Oof!
How are you?
Where will you go?
It's so hot when he signs, yes? Why is that?
Just doin' all hot stuff with his fingers.
Literally why would you say that to me?
Do you think I haven't experienced enough trauma?
_
Okay, for how long?
_
Wh...
Our ice always smells so weird.
Shh.
I'm sorry, Dad.
Okay, fine, yes.
If you wanna go...
you should just go.
Talk to you later.
Okay. No, I'm just gonna throw the stuff in this blender out
and I'm gonna go out there
and I'm gonna say to Toby and Suze
that you got sad news
and so we can't have frozen mojitos.
No, I don't want them to know I'm sad.
Okay, I'm sorry. Just...
Okay, I do not wanna turn this on, I don't,
but, also, I don't know how to
go out there without frozen mojitos
if I can't tell them that you're sad.
Just blend the mojitos.
Okay.
So, Alex, you're a dentist.
Yeah, but with everything on hold,
I'm outta work right now. So...
Oh!
Mm-mmm.
What do you guys do when you're not in the car?
Oh, this and that.
I'm a commercial property evaluator.
Oh, my God, really?
Could you evaluate our house?
There's a reason I'm not in residential.
- He gets so offended when people ask. - I'm not offen...
I'm not offended, Nicholas.
I'm just not gonna take a guess.
Just guess, Toby.
- No one cares. - I won't do it, Susan!
I... I'm... Susan, please?
Come on, Tobes, just a little guess.
Just a cheeky little guess. What do you reckon?
Uh, can I go to the bathroom?
Do you want me to... Do you want me to come with you?
No.
I think it's nice when a friend
escorts a friend to the bathroom.
Mm-hmm.
Could you tell I was happy to see you?
I wasn't sure.
The answer is yes.
I love the sun but Drea hates the sand.
We always go once a quarter, though.
That's been a family rule from the start.
Do you wanna discuss what might happen between us sexually
when we're able to touch?
Okay.
Uh, do you wanna start?
- No. - I'll start.
So... I'm kissing you on your mouth.
Where?
On the mouth, I just said.
No, I mean, like, where are we?
Oh! A castle.
Oh. Fun.
Is it medieval?
No. Mm... It-it's your turn.
Oh, this is hard.
Just tell me the first
sexual thought that comes to mind.
Do it, Susan.
We don't have any rules in our relationship, do we?
Just, uh, never leaving me.
We have a lot of rules.
- It's... It's mostly rules. - We do.
A lot of rules.
Rule number one, everyone does a whirl.
- Suze... - Nicholas? Nicholas?
- Yes, my American lover? - There's a dead bird.
Oh, my God. No, there is. Oh, my God.
Oh, no! Poor little buddy.
You know what?
I will bet that a cat left it as a gift.
Everyone always says that when they see a dead bird,
but I don't think they're gifts. I think that cats are showing off.
Nicholas, what are you doing?
I wanna find out what species it is.
- Can we just toss it? - I wouldn't think so.
No, not before finding out what species it is.
I think it is a California thrasher.
Oh, my God, I think you might be right.
- Mm-hmm. - I think that's a little thrasher.
Okay, now can we get rid of it?
Um...
Okay, yeah.
I can do it. I'll get rid of it. I just need, um...
Yep, I'll do it.
- Here, here. - Yes, you can do it.
- Use this. - Oh. Thanks.
Hmm.
You can do it.
Actually, um...
Yeah, I can't do it. I don't know why. I just can't.
I can't put it on the...
I can't put it on it.
Oh, yeah, that's all right.
Toby can do it.
- It's a dad job. - Thank you.
Dad jobs are always the worst jobs.
Well, you know what's a bad mom job?
Childbirth.
Mom pulls out the trump card, right?
Okay, give me the bag.
Oh, there you go.
Babe, I think that might be the wrong bin.
No, that's right. Organics in the green bin.
Not meat though.
Under a waterfall.
At the beach.
The waves lapping.
Very public.
Very difficult positions.
There's sand everywhere,
but not, like, in our mouths.
Uh... That sounds complicated.
I can simplify it for you.
No, I think I just need a moment to process it.
Okay, I'll wait.
Ahh. You know...
they say a sneeze is one-tenth of an orgasm.
Oh. Hmm.
You never really meet that many guys
that are into, like, big balls, huh?
What's that about?
Uh, why isn't that more popular?
You just never meet a guy that was like,
"Oh, it was so hot, he took off his pants
and he had the biggest, most beautiful balls."
I hate them.
I hate everything about them.
Sorry, what?
Toby and Suze.
That's not true.
- They aren't fun people. - They're fun people!
Nicholas, they're not fun people.
You're just lashing out 'cause you've had an emotional week.
Okay, so what's so fun about them?
Sure, they put naughty little carob chips
into their trail mix, then what?
Let me stare into your eyes.
Hey?
Okay, I'm gonna cancel them tomorrow.
Come in.
Um, sorry, do you mind
if I borrow Nicholas for a moment?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, actually, can we stay in here?
Ohh. And I... And I go?
- Yes. - Okay. Yeah.
Um... Where do you want me to go?
Just... somewhere.
Okay, is the...
Is the bathtub too close for you too?
Maybe just play some music.
Okay.
I think Matilda is using social distancing
to avoid touching Drea.
Okay?
When I looked at Matilda's laptop
I saw a quiz about figuring out if you're a lesbian.
That's not that big a deal, is it? Is it?
I mean, I would've done that quiz
if it popped up in front of me.
Yeah, but everything was her trying to figure out
why she isn't attracted to girls.
Um, I don't know, maybe it was just her
trying to work something out or maybe it's the real reason
why she's avoiding going near Drea.
Yeah.
This is gonna be really difficult
for you to hear, Nicholas, but...
I think Matilda is heterosexual.
Oh, no, yeah, that is difficult to hear.
That is. I'm disa... I am disappointed.
There's gonna be a lot of heartbreak.
I wasn't trying to trick Drea.
No one thinks you were trying to trick Drea.
I thought I was pansexual
because I read everyone is, but I'm not.
And you're absolutely sure about that?
Yes.
Okay, so...
why did you want Drea to keep being your girlfriend?
Because I love Drea.
I do, but I've tried so hard...
I thought I could change myself, but I can't.
And I'm sorry, I just...
don't like vaginas.
Yeah, I mean, listen, I get it.
I mean, I get it. I just...
I've been trying to figure out how...
to do...
"it."
Babe, I don't think you're gonna be able to figure out how to do it.
What do you wanna do?
It's okay, as long as she thinks we're social distancing,
she won't be upset.
Hey...
You're not gonna be able to social distance forever, though, are you?
I mean, at some point Drea's gonna wanna
touch her girlfriend again.
But if I tell her I'm not attracted to women, then...
she won't wanna be my girlfriend anymore.
Yeah, that... That's probably true.
Matilda, you have to break up with her.
Okay.
Tomorrow?
Toby and Suze are coming over again tomorrow,
but there's an important reason, I promise.
Alex, honey, if you don't wanna look at the drone,
he needs to hear a firm no.
He's very literal.
- Okay, that's cool. - Don't be nervous.
Everybody gets nervous trying something the first time.
You forgot the Pavlova cake, didn't you?
Ugh!
- Nicholas! - Hi!
I told him to bring it three times.
He just doesn't register anything.
Oh, it's okay, really.
We probably shouldn't be eating anymore treats, huh?
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
Nicholas and I, we are turning into foie gras.
Here, here, here.
I'll show you how high I can make it go.
Wow. Cool.
I have a speech.
"Drea, wow...
"what a ride.
"Adolescent sexuality is beautiful...
but confusing."
Your hands are shaking.
Oh. What? Uh, sorry.
I forgot what I was doing.
Uh, the-the next card.
"Therefore...
"it is with a heavy heart
"that I inform you that...
I'm not queer."
- You're not queer? - Uh...
Uh... I lost my-my spot.
I lost my spot!
Here.
Don't be silly, you have a great figure.
Like one of those blow-up men outside of car dealerships.
Oh, long in the torso, is that what you mean?
- Oh, my God. - Did I getcha?
Yes, you did get her!
This is not good luck.
We'll need to get it out.
Oh, it's still on!
Oh, my God! Can you turn it off?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. I got it.
Okey-dokey.
What can I do? Can I help or...
- We need scissors. - Scissors?
You want help or not?
"I've stolen your best years from you.
"And I don't wanna steal any more.
"I think it would be best for us both
"if we break up.
The end."
How do you know you're not attracted to women?
Pornography.
The categories I choose.
I am very upset now and I wanna go home.
Duke, release.
People will barely notice.
Okay.
I just wanna say I'm sorry that I snapped earlier.
No one remembers.
Drea, I'm sorry!
I need to go now. I have to go. I want to go now!
- Oh, we're going? Now? - Yes!
How bad is it on a scale from one to five?
- Four and a half! - People, pack it up! Pack it up!
- Okay, I'm on it! I'm on it! - I'll help!
What's wrong, Drey-Drey?
What happened?
I'm not queer.
Nicholas, what's going on?
She's not queer?
She's a heterosexual.
Well, that's devastating!
That's absolutely devastating!
Yeah, um, sexuality, you know, it can be a bit of a...
it can be a journey.
People... Uh... You have to figure it out.
Sometimes people have to try things.
Is that what this is?
My daughter's is not like a prop at a party
you kiss to turn on boys on the water polo team.
Sometimes good things have to fall apart
for better things to come together.
Oh, shut up.
Susan, I think it's time for some grounding exercises.
- I'm not grounding right now, Toby. - Shh.
- Susan... - Why do you ever think
that telling me to ground is gonna help ground me?
It is maddening, Tobias.
It's a maddening thing to suggest.
Shh.
Top of head.
Top of the head.
- Eyebrow. - Eyebrow.
- Side of eye. - Side of eye.
- Under eye. - Under eye.
- Under nose. - What's happening?
Emotional Freedom Therapy.
It's good for anxiety.
Top of the head.
Eyebrow. Side of eye.
Under eye.
- Under nose. - Under nose.
- Under chin. - Chin.
- Collarbone. - Collarbone.
Under arm.
- Top of head. - Top of head.
- Eyebrow. - Eyebrow.
- Side of eye. - Side of eye.
- Under eye. - Under eye.
- Under nose... - Did you just throw me a wink?
Yeah.
Is it because you're in love with me?
- Yeah. - Oh.
Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
Ooh.
Oh, God.
Oh, hi.
Hello, Nicholas.
Hi. How are you? Is Drea okay?
Um, do you hate us all forever?
Uh... Yeah, I'm just calling
because, uh, Toby grabbed one of your salad bowls.
He just doesn't pay attention.
And, uh, do-do you want it back?
No. Oh, God, I don't need it back.
You keep it, as an apology salad bowl.
It's a... It's a good bowl, don't be silly,
I'll bring it by. Are you busy?
No. Never.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever been.
Fine. I'll, uh...
I'll bring it by with the Pavlova cake.
- No one here eats sugar. - Okay.
So it'll-it'll go to waste.
Yeah, I mean, I love some Pavlova.
Oh! Well, I...
I guess I can... I can have a slice.
I'm allowed one.