_
I see stained carpet.
_
Please don't.
_
Help me.
So, uh, what will you do
with your first night of freedom?
_
Okay.
_
Um, I just didn't think to invite him.
Yeah, why didn't you invite Nicholas?
It's nothing.
Like, lately it's been challenging.
_
He never listens to me
and he's always making me feel like
I'm dumb for complaining.
_
I'm not you and Mom.
_
Okay, well, I don't agree with that.
He just wants me to be single with him so he's not alone.
_
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com
- Hi. - Hi.
- I'm going now. - No. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
First, I got this whole apology for you.
What for?
Well, 'cause you got upset.
Ah. Because I got upset,
so it's on me now.
Well... Oh, I see.
Um... No, I just, um...
No, I just wanna apologize...
that, um, I, just because... Ohh!
Oh, I really thought I could do this, but I just...
Apologies, you know, they always get stuck in my throat.
Okay, should I search "How to do an apology"?
No, I think it's fine, I think we did it.
I think you get it.
"Step one: Acknowledge the mistake."
Okay. Um, I think that, um...
Well, I didn't ask you how you feel
about your parents' divorce enough.
Right?
- And? - And?
When I do ask, I, um,
I'm a little bit robotic-seeming.
Is that good? Am I doing it? Am I doing a good job?
Yeah, you're doing a great job.
I think you're right on track.
It's just that you should have just told me
if that's what you wanted, okay? 'Cause, like, I didn't...
How am I to know if you don't tell me?
Okay, well, step two was "take ownership,"
so you fumbled there.
It just keeps beeping, doesn't it?
- Just k... - Should we try the last step?
Just keeps beeping.
Um, yes, please.
"Step three: Commit to change."
Ugh. That just feels like a lie, doesn't it?
No, it does, people don't actually change, do they?
I'm just gonna wait out you processing that.
Okay.
I'm, um...
I'm gonna try harder to be less robotic with my empathy,
because it's not easy to date a robot, is it?
'Cause you can't really trust robots.
So, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna try and be more...
I'm gonna try and be less...
I'm gonna try and be more like, "Hey, buddy."
- You did it. - I did it?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
- I'll see you later. - Bye.
Your heart's about to be all aflutter.
Why?
It's from your special little friend.
- Oscar? - Mm-hmm.
Someone bought me a present.
It's not my birthday
and they're not even related to me,
and they bought me a present.
- What is it? - It-it's a record.
Well, that's quite nice.
It's in a... Sort of quite calming
- in its expectedness, actually. - Yeah.
I actually quite liked that.
Opening up that box.
Where do we, like, put that?
There's a record player in the garage.
I'd bloody love to look for a record player.
I would.
OMW means "On my way."
GTHI. Good To Hear It.
That's a new one.
Don't write that, it's a joke.
Here they are.
It's Drea and Matilda.
♪ Drea, Matilda, Drea, Matilda ♪
♪ They're not lesbians but they are together ♪
♪ Never touching ♪
♪ But they are in love-ah-ba-ba-ba ♪
Um, actually I identify as homo-romantic asexual.
- Okay. - We invited a man named Ian over
for a no-strings-attached hookup.
A what, a man?
- Yes. - Who?
Ian.
He's 26.
No. 26 is too old.
Please tell them 26 is too old.
26 was a senior citizen in the Middle Ages.
I love how much you know about history, Genevieve.
- Who is he? - Ian.
Yes, I know that, but, like, what do we know about him?
We don't know anything about him.
We've agreed not to ask him.
Yeah, Matilda will introduce herself
and then she'll take him into the bedroom.
Wait, this is something you guys are doing together?
I'm asexual, Genevieve. What would I do in there?
Drea stays in the kitchen.
I don't have to stay in the kitchen.
It's wherever I feel comfortable.
Well, when you put it that way,
it's a beautiful plan.
No, I have decided this isn't allowed.
I don't need your permission, I own a third of this house.
Well, actually I think you do.
I'm 18. I'm allowed to join the military.
Yeah, and if you were joining the military,
I'd say, "Babe, nah, don't do that.
That's not good."
It's really important you don't make this awkward
and ruin everything!
Matilda...
I do not want a 26-year-old heterosexual man in this house.
Well, it's not like we're going to do it
on the lawn!
Did you...
Did you sniffle?
Like a bit. A bit. Maybe a bit.
Oh, God. You are... You're crying.
It's fine. Please. Just ignore me.
Thank you. Please.
Yeah.
- Yep. Okay. - Okay.
Parenting is like, it's hard, isn't it?
Mm-hmm.
All right. Cool.
I'm here. I'm back, baby. I'm back!
I'm ready to help.
Yeah, um...
Maybe we should do the record a different day.
No, today, please.
If you promise to be a big boy
and not cry around it again.
This is a formative teen moment for me
and I'd really like to enjoy it.
Yeah. Okay, understood.
Um, do you mind if I sit here?
I-I won't interrupt.
Uh, we would love it if you sat there,
and you're very welcome to interrupt.
What are you doing?
Uh, we're gonna listen to the sound of Oscar's heart.
Oh, God, he's here.
- Hello, Ian. - Hey, what are you doing?
This all feels very sudden.
Yes, we only told you 10 minutes ago.
Oh. Whoa. People.
- Hi. - This is my family.
- This is my girlfriend. - Hey, family.
Uh... girlfriend?
Hi, Ian. I'm Drea.
Matilda's very serious girlfriend.
I won't be involved sexually.
Drea and I are in a non-sexual partnership.
Ah. Cool, very progressive.
Eh, um...
Hi, I'm Genevieve.
Hi, Genevieve.
Yeah, I know, it's okay, you don't need to talk to me.
Okay.
- What's that for? - It's to wipe it down.
Okay.
Nicholas is all the way from Australia,
Why don't you tell him about Australia?
- Oh, you are? - Yeah.
I knew I heard something in your accent,
- then I just thought, uh... - He's just gay?
Uh, no.
Cool.
Oh, I see you brought wine.
Do you want me to pour you and Nicholas a glass?
I don't... I don't know.
Do you like wine?
Eh... No, I'm fine.
You... love... wine.
Um, yeah, I mean, I have. Like, I did.
I've had wine before. Like, other times.
But, like, um...
Well, do I pour the wine or not?
And who's this?
Duke, my assistance dog.
Aw. Does he bite?
No. Never.
Ah. Hey, buddy.
You're just a big, old boy, aren't you?
Can I pet him?
He's uncomfortable right now.
Ah.
You can go do it now.
We have to let him finish his wine
or it's impolite.
He-he can take it with him.
In the bedroom? I don't think so.
We agreed you wouldn't do a lot of talking.
I want to be a good host.
Nicholas...
why don't you take Ian to see your insects?
That way he can finish his wine
and Matilda can stay here.
What?
We have a whole room full of insects.
Hmm.
When I see my family through your eyes, I see The Addams Family.
- And which one are you? - The hot wife.
Oh, no, come on!
- What is that thing? - Stephanie.
She's holding eye contact with me.
Stephanie is very social.
It's California banana slugs.
Yo, I'm gonna die in here, aren't I?
Like, how many people have you fed to that spider
with good social skills?
No. I'm-I'm-I'm not organized enough to serial kill.
Uh, so, are you...
not cool with your sister inviting me over?
No.
But I came to that conclusion before I met you.
It's not personal.
Well, I can leave if you want.
I do want you to.
Yeah, she's 18. And...
I'm, like, pretty protective.
And I know this is what she thinks she wants,
realistically, it's probably gonna make her and/or Drea sad.
But...
I don't agree that what I want should matter.
Okay.
We're back.
We can see that.
He finished his wine.
Look, should I stay or...
Please stay, Ian.
I really wanna have sex with you.
Cool, yeah, I'm-I'm happy to stay.
Okay. Let me go pee first.
♪ He takes me to the river ♪
Where did you get this from?
- ♪ Like a child... ♪ - A friend.
It's a really pretty track.
There's just something about vinyl, it's just so romantic.
Yeah.
- I'm ready. - Oh, okay. Uh, yeah.
Hey, let me just wash my hands.
Well, that's nice. That's a good start.
I love you, Duck Duck.
Forever, Muck Muck.
This feels yuck yuck.
Yeah.
What are you thinking about right now?
Well, I'm wondering if you're
feeling uncomfortable about all this.
I feel...
jealous and a little anxious.
Okay.
Does feeling jealous make you think
you wish that it wasn't happening?
Well, I don't think jealousy is a very useful emotion
and that it's selfish. So it'll be a better outcome
if I just don't pay any attention to it.
Right.
Do you think it's strange
that I'm okay with Matilda
being in her bedroom right now with Ian?
Yeah. Yeah, I do, yes.
But I'm comfortable with strange, actually.
It's just... It's more that I worry
that it's gonna make everyone sad.
Well, the only person who looks sad is you.
We've been on the phone for 40 minutes now.
That's insane. Like, 20 years ago this would have been so expensive.
Wow. Yeah. Long drawn-out phone conversations
with awkward silences used to be equal to owning a yacht.
Our silences aren't awkward, are they?
No, no, I mean, I didn't... I didn't mean that.
Oh okay, Mrs. "I Hate Silence,"
starting on three, no more silences, all right?
- Ready? - Uh, I'm sorry.
Who's-who's gonna speak first?
Ask me a question and I'll answer.
Ready? One, two, three, go.
Uh, what are you thinking about?
Oh, God, I don't know. Um, let's see,
what do smart people think about? Uh, math? Trains?
Well, now I'm thinking, "Don't accidentally tell her
"about the time you got caught
making out with a balloon by your mom."
What are you thinking about?
Um...
I'm thinking about how I really wish
I had one of those old phones with the long, curly cords,
so I could twirl it around my fingers like in the old movies,
but also a little bit of my mind
is always thinking about Michael Jackson.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Oh, no, we left some silence.
Oh, no.
Um, you were supposed to ask me a follow-up question.
I-I broke the convention. I'm sorry.
- Giraffes! - What?
Giraffes.
I want to know why you're an entomologist.
Okay. Yeah, um...
So, um, in Australia we have these beetles,
they're called Christmas beetles and they're so cool.
They, like, look like Christmas decorations.
When I was a kid I was just so obsessed with them
and I was always catching them
and trying to convince them to tell me their secrets.
Then, when I was like...
17, I thought about them again
and I realized I hadn't seen one for years.
Not one. Uh, I felt maybe it was because,
you know, I wasn't spending as much time as a teenager
rolling around in the dirt,
so I went and I-I looked
and, uh, they weren't there.
Where did they go?
Well, we worked out that they just weren't breeding
because their habitat was being destroyed.
So what I wanted to know next was, like,
does that actually matter?
Like, if we lose the Christmas beetle population,
is that gonna have wider environmental effects?
And?
And, well, I mean, I didn't get to finish it
'cause I moved here.
Oh, that's...
that-that's quite sad.
It's okay.
Your parents ever let you out in the wild?
In the wild, like, outside of my house?
Yeah, like, are you allowed to go out?
Yeah, I'm allowed to go out.
Cool.
Why were you asking me that, Oscar?
Uh... Uh-oh.
Did you die? Are you dead?
I'm here.
Yeah.
Me too, Oscar. I'm still here.
Cool.
Is that the end of the conversation
about whether or not I'm allowed to leave my house?
No.
Cool.
Do you understand what asexuality is?
Well, I didn't, um, to be honest.
Because, well, it's never picked my interest.
But I researched it last night.
What do you think about it?
Well, um, I kept trying to look for things
that would explain what it is,
and the only thing said was that the person
doesn't want to have sex.
Yeah. That's-that's what it is.
Yes. It's just one of those things
that is exactly what the person says it is,
and that's that, and there isn't really anything to add.
What I don't really get though is, um...
well, like to me, sex and love is so intertwined,
and, uh, just separating those two things is...
I don't know, I don't know, it's hard.
Oh, well, um,
for some asexuals, for-for me...
The same romantic feelings are still there.
Like, when I meet someone
I get this excited feeling in my chest
and I can't stop thinking about them
and it just... I wanna spend all my time with them,
but... sex just isn't involved.
- Mm-hmm. - Like, I just...
I just wanna be near them and hear them talking.
Hmm.
Maybe if I liked hearing people talk more, I'd get it.
Maybe I'll take you somewhere and show you some stuff.
I like somewhere, I like stuff.
Well, I know good somewheres and I know good stuffs.
Well I'll be the judge of that.
Oh. Now I'm scared to take you.
No, no, no. I-I was just kidding.
So was I. No, so was I.
Um, so are we really gonna do this?
Are we really gonna go out, on, like a...
On a date.
Well, well, isn't that something?
Well, I guess I'm just a little bit worried that maybe,
maybe you're letting Matilda have sex with men
even though it hurts you
just so that she keeps liking you.
Yes, that is correct.
Okay.
Well, Matilda wants to have sex with men
and that makes her happy,
and I wanna make her happy.
So if I make her happy, she will love me.
I... I don't know about that.
Maybe Matilda being with me won't make her happy forever
and she'll break up with me and I'll be sad,
but the alternative is to break up now,
and I'll be sad anyway.
We think it's good to try and be happy.
Nicholas, did you just have an argument
that led to Drea teaching you it's "good to try to be happy"?
No, we had a... we had a chat.
We were bonding. Weren't we bonding, Drea?
- Tell her. - I just feel tired.
Do you still like me?
Same as before.
So, uh...
Imma bounce.
- It was nice to meet you all. - Bye.
And, uh, if you ever
wanna install some solar panels,
give me a call.
Oh.
Almost forgot my wine.
Drea... Drea, he took the wine.
He took the wine.
Why can't he take it? It's his wine.
Okay, let's do our ritual.
Ian, we are asking you to leave.
Out with you, Ian. Out!
Get out, Ian!
Out with you, Ian. Out!
Out!
Leave this place!
Bloody rack off, Ian!
Scram, Ian! Scram!
Rack off!