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Previously on Weeds...
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I've decided that we will get married.
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Can we ditch school?
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Fuck you!
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I'm Huskaroo's girl.
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The cop extorting money from me is cracking up.
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Bitch-ass bitch.
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Blitt and I need to close early for inventory.
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Get out! I don't want you in here anymore.
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Shit!
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Uncle Yitzhak's lost fortune.
You said there was, like, $180,000.
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Look around you.
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You blew all that money on this crap?
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I haven't seen you since the ultrasound.
Everything looks fine.
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Love your shoes. Raylene Reynolds.
You're Pretty! cosmetics.
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What the fuck was that?
We cannot get married.
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Things have changed.
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Weeds 507 Where the Sidewalk Ends
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By the Fumistes team. lesfumistes[at]gmail.com
corrected by chamallow35 - www.addic7ed.com
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Hairdryer.
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It's not what you think.
Of course not.
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She's just a friend, cousin, coworker,
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neighbor...
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It's not like that.
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What's it like?
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'Cause all I know is
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some stiletto-heeled Mexicunt
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stalks in here,
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screeches at you in Spanish,
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suddenly the marriage is off.
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Her name is Pilar Zuazo.
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She is
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a very important woman in my life.
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In my position,
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to marry a foreigner
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is bad publicity.
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She doesn't want me to jeopardize my political career.
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Consider your political career safe, señor mayor.
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Wait! This is only a delay.
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You must trust me.
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After the election,
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we will be married and be a family.
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What election?
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I'm running for governador.
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It's the next step in a long journey.
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I'm sorry.
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I didn't think it through.
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The timing...
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I was too
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impetuous.
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Because I love you, Nancy.
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You are what I want.
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I still don't understand who she is,
why you're taking orders from her.
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She is someone who has a great deal of influence
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with the people who matter in my country.
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She makes sure those people support my ambitions.
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So, she's your boss?
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No one is my boss.
It sounds like she's your boss.
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Come downstairs.
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I'll tell Concha to unpack your things.
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You've ever slept with her?
No, it's not like that.
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And I am told she has teeth down there.
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I don't want to find out.
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After the election,
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we will be man and wife.
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Z,
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U, A, Z, O.
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Is that her?
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She's hot.
They're fake.
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You want her Wikipedia page or the Forbes article?
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Try Wiki.
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Daughter of late Mexican industrialist Raúl Zuazo.
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Silver-spooned oppressor.
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Sole heir to vast telecommunications holdings.
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Media manipulator.
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On the board of the Mexican Stock Exchange.
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Inside trader.
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Philanthropist.
Tax evader.
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Doesn't say anything about a drug kingpin.
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She owns Mexico, mom.
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She can have these pages edited.
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We need to get the fuck out of here.
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These people bludgeon
innocent golfers for sport.
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What are you talking about?
They're gonna wait
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until you have the baby and then they're gonna kill us.
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They don't even need a reason,
they'll just do it and laugh.
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That's probably them coming after us right now.
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What is all this stuff?
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We're setting up a birthing room.
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Esteban feels that you should
have the baby here at home.
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Birthing room.
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Everything you need will be right here.
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How convenient.
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They will be no need to ever leave.
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What about a flat screen?
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Premium cable, one of those little fridges?
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You said everything I need.
I cannot provide those things.
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Who should I ask? Esteban? Pilar?
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Best Buy.
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I'll do that.
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Hop over there right now, review my options.
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I'll take Shane. Shane loves Best Buy.
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Your car's in the shop.
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What's wrong with it?
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Broken tail light.
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These
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are my keys.
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When I'm not tooling around town
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in my cherry red You're Pretty! convertible,
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I am cruising in my Maserati.
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Three thousand square foot ski chalet in Tahoe.
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Ski in, ski out.
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My private instructor looks just like Ashton Kutcher.
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So, hands up!
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Raise those hands! Who wants to be me?
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She's much blonder than I would ever go again,
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but I do love Tahoe.
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Hands down. Forget it.
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About 90% of you
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simply don't have what it takes.
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But for the other 10%,
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let me just say,
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being me is fantastic.
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I think her nipples are hard.
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As a matter of fact, they are.
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My nipples are hard and my lady is wet.
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Because success
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turns me on.
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And if success doesn't turn you on,
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then you can take your initial $5,000 investment fees,
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pop on out to your shit cars, and drive out of here.
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Okay then. So...
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What turns you on?
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Success!
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Dick.
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Am I wrong about you, Celia?
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Dick ever buy you a Cartier Panther watch
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with double diamonds?
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'Cause if it did,
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then suck that dick, girl.
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But if not,
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I need to ask you a question.
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Are you a closer or a loser?
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Well, I've been a loser.
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But I want to be a closer.
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But I don't have $5,000, so...
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You're going to let a little thing
like that stand in your way?
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No way.
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No way, cow girl.
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You're Pretty! will front you on credit
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all the products that you need
to put yourself on the road
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to financial freedom.
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Are you ready to ride?
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I said,
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are you ready to ride?
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Are your nipples hard?
Yes.
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But I had reconstructive surgery
because of a double mastectomy,
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so they're always kind of like that.
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Let's get started.
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Whatever you need.
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It's your fourth THC cone today.
You're costing us money.
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Double scoop of Cripple Ripple Fudge.
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Keep the change.
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I think I might actually be addicted to sugar.
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I love it here.
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This is everything I ever wanted.
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Shelves filled with drugs,
cold creamy treats flavored with drugs.
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Beautiful girls in bikinis
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coming and asking me for drugs.
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Are you crying?
Don't look.
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Gentlemen,
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waking up in my car with a searing headache,
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unable to move for some time without blinding pain,
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gave me some time to think.
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You all were right.
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Having the heat lurking
around a pot club, bad for business.
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So from now on,
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when I come in,
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I come in my civies. Makes sense.
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Do you know this guy?
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How high are you?
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So, that was my apology.
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Now it's time for yours.
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We're sorry you got hurt.
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So you do know this guy.
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Well, sorry
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means a lot.
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You know what also means a lot, partner?
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Ten grand.
Ten grand?
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Today.
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Assault on a police officer is a felony.
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Minimum sentence: 8 years
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of daily ass rape.
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Assault? Really?
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I'll be back this afternoon for the money.
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This is some potent shit.
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I'm seeing Stormtroopers.
198
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It's Comic Con, you idiot.
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Leave it.
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I told you, I told you something
would happen to Esteban.
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What, did he get shot?
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00:10:03,778 --> 00:10:06,808
Beheaded? I heard they're doing that.
They're chopping heads off.
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Are there photographs?
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Can I see them?
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Where did you park?
Out front.
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We got to go.
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00:10:19,115 --> 00:10:21,263
What, to identify the body?
No.
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To Dr. Lyman's. I have to have this baby right now.
209
00:10:24,010 --> 00:10:25,499
What about Esteban's body?
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00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:29,086
Esteban's fine.
211
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,844
The call was bullshit to get you here.
He's not dead. Nothing happened.
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00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:35,467
No beheading?
No beheading, no.
213
00:10:35,839 --> 00:10:37,886
You lied to me. I was all excited.
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00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:41,216
They built a goddamn birthing room.
215
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,360
They want me to have this baby totally off the grid.
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No birth certificate.
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00:10:45,376 --> 00:10:47,429
If I disappear, if the baby disappears, nobody knows.
218
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It's fucking Rosemary's baby.
219
00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:51,406
No, I'm through bailing your ass out.
220
00:10:51,531 --> 00:10:53,675
You're no longer my responsibility.
221
00:10:53,971 --> 00:10:56,171
You're the responsability of the unbeheaded,
222
00:10:56,296 --> 00:10:59,616
corrupt, drug-dealing politician
that you've chosen to marry.
223
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,827
Andy, I'm not fucking around here.
224
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:05,522
I'm trying to get over you and your drama.
225
00:11:05,647 --> 00:11:08,499
This could send me back weeks in the healing process.
226
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,085
You cannot suck me back
227
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,310
into your web.
228
00:11:11,435 --> 00:11:13,922
You're right, I can't suck you in...
How about a handjob?
229
00:11:15,243 --> 00:11:16,466
Jesus, get off!
230
00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:20,345
I don't want your pregnant pity handjob.
231
00:11:20,651 --> 00:11:22,280
Christ, that's just sad.
232
00:11:24,503 --> 00:11:26,560
Fine, I'll take you.
233
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:30,206
But this is it, the last time. I really mean it.
234
00:11:30,561 --> 00:11:32,339
Not like the last time I said I meant it.
235
00:11:32,464 --> 00:11:34,526
And raincheck on that for when you're not with child.
236
00:11:34,814 --> 00:11:37,388
Pull your car right at the gate and wait for me there.
237
00:11:40,646 --> 00:11:42,131
Were you really gonna jerk me off?
238
00:11:42,256 --> 00:11:44,703
That or squeeze your balls
till you give me your car keys.
239
00:11:45,634 --> 00:11:46,848
I miss Yael.
240
00:11:51,397 --> 00:11:52,701
Before...
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00:11:58,286 --> 00:11:59,471
And after.
242
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,263
With the help of You're Pretty! cosmetics,
243
00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:06,308
I have just transformed
244
00:12:07,151 --> 00:12:08,852
this plain-faced little girl
245
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:10,854
into a glamorous woman
246
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,106
ready to meet the man of her dreams.
247
00:12:13,864 --> 00:12:14,816
I like girls.
248
00:12:15,417 --> 00:12:16,360
Play along.
249
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:19,895
Don't forget, I'm giving a 10% discount
250
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:22,574
to all of my colleagues from Surfside Mall.
251
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,820
I got to hit it.
252
00:12:23,945 --> 00:12:26,328
If I'm even 10 min late, they put
me on squeeze duty all day.
253
00:12:26,986 --> 00:12:28,872
No problem. Just tell me what you need.
254
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,457
Lady, I got 4 kids, no husband.
255
00:12:31,582 --> 00:12:32,957
I make $8 an hour.
256
00:12:33,082 --> 00:12:34,752
If you think I got some extra cash
257
00:12:34,877 --> 00:12:36,963
for some overpriced eye-shadow, you're crazy.
258
00:12:37,545 --> 00:12:39,341
Then why are you here?
259
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:42,135
You promised free samples.
260
00:12:43,145 --> 00:12:46,431
With purchase. You didn't read the fine print.
261
00:12:46,747 --> 00:12:49,017
There's no fine print.
This is bullshit.
262
00:12:49,340 --> 00:12:51,269
I want my free sample.
Me too.
263
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,770
Well, doesn't anybody want to buy anything?
264
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,577
Free sample!
265
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,748
Okay, fine.
266
00:13:03,065 --> 00:13:05,125
You know what? Just kill me now. Kill me.
267
00:13:05,334 --> 00:13:06,830
Have a great fucking day.
268
00:13:06,955 --> 00:13:09,464
Rob me blind, grubby. Grubby grubber.
269
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,542
You know what?
270
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:13,458
Why don't you just stay blotchy and non-attractive, bitch!
271
00:13:14,008 --> 00:13:15,317
I hope you're happy!
272
00:13:15,442 --> 00:13:17,629
Huskaroo, Huskaroo
273
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,147
You're beautiful
274
00:13:19,814 --> 00:13:21,633
In all the things you do
275
00:13:22,727 --> 00:13:24,052
You're not so bad yourself.
276
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:26,720
I'm Isabelle.
277
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,056
Danielle.
278
00:13:28,899 --> 00:13:29,871
And...
279
00:13:29,996 --> 00:13:32,436
I think you'd look better without all that crap on your face.
280
00:13:37,015 --> 00:13:39,223
There goes the dyke market.
281
00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:53,540
Are you joking?
282
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:56,251
It's General Lee. From the The Dukes of Hazzard.
283
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:59,171
I know. I was 12 years old once
too. Why are you driving it?
284
00:13:59,619 --> 00:14:02,309
Bought it from some laid-off
mortgage broker in Torrance.
285
00:14:02,434 --> 00:14:04,646
One of seventeen used on the show in season four.
286
00:14:04,771 --> 00:14:07,179
At least it damn well better be.
I paid a shitload for it.
287
00:14:07,526 --> 00:14:08,513
Unlock, please.
288
00:14:08,902 --> 00:14:11,266
It's welded shut. You gotta come through the window.
289
00:14:12,388 --> 00:14:14,352
In that case a little help, please.
290
00:14:18,313 --> 00:14:19,562
Wait, wait, wait.
291
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:21,625
Jesus.
292
00:14:25,087 --> 00:14:26,087
Christ!
293
00:14:29,092 --> 00:14:30,192
Here you go.
294
00:14:31,266 --> 00:14:33,331
Get your hand off my boob!
Deal with it.
295
00:14:38,324 --> 00:14:41,133
It's nice to see you're putting
uncle Yitzhak's money to good use.
296
00:14:41,953 --> 00:14:44,337
Just be glad I didn't get Fonzie's motorcycle.
297
00:14:44,462 --> 00:14:45,664
I was this close.
298
00:15:02,855 --> 00:15:03,777
I'm Tenly.
299
00:15:04,415 --> 00:15:05,737
You certainly are.
300
00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:07,322
Is the manager around?
301
00:15:07,745 --> 00:15:08,753
Doug Wilson.
302
00:15:08,878 --> 00:15:11,618
Top dog, big cheese, head honcho, grand puba.
303
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,329
What do you need?
A job.
304
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,372
Hang on.
305
00:15:17,954 --> 00:15:18,875
You're fired.
306
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:20,293
I'm what?
Fired.
307
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:21,714
What'd I do?
Nothing.
308
00:15:21,839 --> 00:15:24,589
You see that chick over there?
She needs a job, I need to get laid.
309
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,383
You can't fire someone for no reason.
310
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:27,926
I just gave you a reason.
311
00:15:28,313 --> 00:15:30,764
Look, if you need pussy, I can hook you up.
312
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:34,099
My cousin broke up with her boyfriend
and she's horny as shit.
313
00:15:34,504 --> 00:15:36,810
She kinda look anything like you?
Kind of.
314
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,144
Get out of here.
315
00:15:41,299 --> 00:15:42,315
He fired me.
316
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:45,011
What are you talking about?
It's bullshit!
317
00:15:46,744 --> 00:15:47,744
Hang on.
318
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,767
Can I talk to you a sec?
What?
319
00:15:51,257 --> 00:15:53,952
You can't just fire people.
Why not? He looks like a terrorist.
320
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,297
He can sue us for wrongful termination.
321
00:15:56,815 --> 00:15:59,107
Why are you being such a cockblocker?
322
00:15:59,232 --> 00:16:01,175
Fine, keep your swarthy little Jihadi.
323
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,828
I want Tenly, it's my place too.
324
00:16:02,953 --> 00:16:04,980
We can't afford them both. We have a graft to pay.
325
00:16:05,105 --> 00:16:07,281
It's exactly why I fired the little Paki.
326
00:16:07,406 --> 00:16:09,509
Fuck you, man! I'm Tunisian.
327
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,886
I have had it. I can't work with you anymore.
328
00:16:12,112 --> 00:16:13,638
So leave, I don't care.
329
00:16:14,632 --> 00:16:16,141
This partnership is over.
330
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,114
That's right, it is. Finito.
331
00:16:18,239 --> 00:16:20,437
Don't go anywhere. We might have an opening.
332
00:16:21,049 --> 00:16:21,855
Asshole.
333
00:16:28,205 --> 00:16:30,309
Thanks for doing this.
You're welcome.
334
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,991
I'll pay for gas.
Thank you.
335
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:36,202
It's the least I can do.
I'm not thanking you for the gas.
336
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,928
What are you thanking me for?
337
00:16:38,053 --> 00:16:40,498
For showing me what I want out of my life.
338
00:16:40,805 --> 00:16:43,084
You have General Lee, what more could you ask for?
339
00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:44,487
Readiness.
340
00:16:44,666 --> 00:16:46,046
Ready to find the right woman,
341
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:48,401
ready to settle down, sow my seed.
342
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,176
Carry on my part of the Botwin legacy.
343
00:16:52,050 --> 00:16:54,679
You do have a cute butt,
it would be a shame not to pass that on.
344
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,683
Go on ahead with your snidy snideness, snide away.
345
00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,901
You'll see.
346
00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:03,104
I have just as much to offer a woman as Judah.
347
00:17:04,950 --> 00:17:06,399
And you're alive.
348
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:09,611
And Judah crashed on that front.
349
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,943
It might not be so obvious, but I'm a real catch.
350
00:17:12,068 --> 00:17:13,134
I'm kind,
351
00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:15,283
funny, total rockstar in bed...
352
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,243
That does seem to be the consensus.
353
00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:20,708
The whole key is strong and focused work
354
00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:22,415
where the sidewalk ends.
355
00:17:22,719 --> 00:17:24,430
I know, Andy. I'm a girl.
356
00:17:26,199 --> 00:17:27,863
How's Esteban, in the sack?
357
00:17:28,222 --> 00:17:31,216
He seems like the selfish type.
Throw you down on a table and fuck you.
358
00:17:32,071 --> 00:17:33,321
That works too.
359
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:35,501
I knew that you liked it rough.
360
00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:37,794
You know, I'm precise, I'm connected.
361
00:17:37,919 --> 00:17:39,119
I'm an artist.
362
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,290
You and me, we never would have worked.
363
00:17:41,741 --> 00:17:44,342
I'm not rapey enough for you.
Consider yourself lucky.
364
00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:46,606
I'm fucking poison, you don't have to drink it anymore.
365
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,001
Cheers to that.
366
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,610
Still want my raincheck handjob.
367
00:17:56,791 --> 00:17:58,814
Oh, God.
What? What's wrong?
368
00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:00,893
I still love you.
369
00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:03,532
No, I don't, I don't.
370
00:18:03,925 --> 00:18:06,209
It's just an obsession. I want what I can't have.
371
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:08,931
I'm so fucked up.
372
00:18:09,056 --> 00:18:11,047
Jesus, you are poison. Fuck you!
373
00:18:15,912 --> 00:18:18,722
As I remember, this car went
a hell of a lot faster on the show.
374
00:18:34,142 --> 00:18:35,517
What are you doing here?
375
00:18:35,642 --> 00:18:37,610
My mom told me to come here after school.
376
00:18:37,735 --> 00:18:39,566
Someone's trying to kill us.
377
00:18:39,691 --> 00:18:40,691
Again.
378
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,908
Which leads to the question: why would she send me
379
00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:44,956
to the most obvious place I could be found?
380
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:46,808
Don't worry.
381
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,708
Your mother leads a charmed life.
382
00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:50,933
She's lucky.
383
00:18:51,442 --> 00:18:54,645
Everything always works out for Nancy.
384
00:18:55,246 --> 00:18:56,718
I, on the other hand,
385
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:59,855
I'm jinxed, cursed, blighted.
386
00:19:01,369 --> 00:19:03,516
Nothing works out for me.
387
00:19:04,942 --> 00:19:06,572
What's in that case?
388
00:19:07,011 --> 00:19:09,219
A lot of false promises.
389
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,859
God, I could use a foot massage.
390
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,190
Here.
391
00:19:24,433 --> 00:19:25,288
Thank you.
392
00:19:27,046 --> 00:19:28,541
I fucking hate Mexicans.
393
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:29,918
Never go into sales.
394
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:32,128
They're animals.
It's humiliating.
395
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,590
They have no regard for human life.
I'm Willy Loman.
396
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,425
I think I'm gonna move back here.
397
00:19:37,617 --> 00:19:39,594
Dean was suppose to be Willy Loman.
398
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:42,462
Can you tell my mom you'll take care of me?
399
00:19:46,888 --> 00:19:50,063
I've enough problems of my
own without taking on Nancy's.
400
00:19:50,911 --> 00:19:52,774
Besides, why would you wanna be stuck with me?
401
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,300
I'm a bitch.
402
00:19:54,807 --> 00:19:55,824
I drink.
403
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,531
And I peddle useless shit that nobody wants.
404
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,756
I don't want to be stuck with you,
I can take care of myself.
405
00:20:02,881 --> 00:20:04,911
I just need you to tell her you'll watch out,
406
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:06,663
so she'll leave me alone.
407
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,915
You should peddle something that people want.
408
00:20:10,312 --> 00:20:12,585
Like what?
Like drugs.
409
00:20:13,189 --> 00:20:14,685
That's fucking great.
410
00:20:15,619 --> 00:20:17,619
Now you tell me when it's too late.
411
00:20:17,744 --> 00:20:21,485
I just blew my whole wad on
eye-shadow and zit concealer.
412
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:22,789
Thank you.
413
00:20:23,385 --> 00:20:26,307
Go get me a drink. And then switch to the other foot.
414
00:20:38,876 --> 00:20:39,987
Nancy Botwin.
415
00:20:40,639 --> 00:20:42,446
It's been a while, hasn't it?
416
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,404
From crescent to a full moon.
417
00:20:45,794 --> 00:20:47,453
Sorry, I've been seeing another doctor.
418
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,178
I've been seeing other patients. It's all good.
419
00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:52,438
I'm Andy Botwin, not the father.
420
00:20:52,563 --> 00:20:54,544
Ex-brother-in-law, still close with the family.
421
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:55,974
Love kids.
422
00:20:56,099 --> 00:20:57,248
Ready for my own.
423
00:20:57,373 --> 00:21:00,448
Isn't that the whole point of life?
Children? Propagation?
424
00:21:00,730 --> 00:21:02,063
The cycle of life?
425
00:21:02,330 --> 00:21:03,511
I need to induce.
426
00:21:04,232 --> 00:21:07,165
What did your doctor say about that?
I didn't ask him.
427
00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:10,018
But I need you to get the baby out of me
as soon as possible.
428
00:21:10,365 --> 00:21:12,320
You're two days away from your due date.
429
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:14,513
It's best to let your body call the shots here.
430
00:21:14,638 --> 00:21:15,776
I can't wait.
431
00:21:16,902 --> 00:21:18,943
Why don't we wait till you're past your due date
432
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,781
and I'll get your chart from the...
I can't wait.
433
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,446
It's not because I'm uncomfortable.
434
00:21:23,571 --> 00:21:26,490
The father is a drug kingpin, slash mayor,
435
00:21:26,615 --> 00:21:28,491
slash radical home birth advocate
436
00:21:28,616 --> 00:21:30,705
who built a delivery room in their guest house.
437
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:33,583
He spared no expense.
He did this for two apparent reasons.
438
00:21:34,023 --> 00:21:35,619
One, to guarantee
439
00:21:35,744 --> 00:21:38,556
that his first and only son would arrive safely to the world.
440
00:21:38,681 --> 00:21:41,674
Two, to ensure they would be no witnesses
441
00:21:42,147 --> 00:21:43,927
or official records of said event,
442
00:21:44,666 --> 00:21:47,889
which could pose a problem if he ever decided to, say...
443
00:21:48,014 --> 00:21:51,581
kidnap the baby to Mexico and/or kill its mother
444
00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:53,387
the minute she gives birth.
445
00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:56,189
Thank you, Andy, for your discretion.
446
00:21:56,513 --> 00:21:57,523
Don't worry.
447
00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:59,859
Doctor/patient confidentiality.
448
00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:01,819
She can't testify, right?
449
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:04,260
Is that just lawyers? Shit.
Please.
450
00:22:04,926 --> 00:22:07,445
I need this baby to be born right now.
451
00:22:07,570 --> 00:22:10,272
I need witnesses. I need a US birth certificate.
452
00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:13,250
I need to do this before he realizes that I'm gone.
453
00:22:15,319 --> 00:22:16,623
I need help.
454
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,220
I don't have health insurance but...
455
00:22:22,005 --> 00:22:23,294
I can pay cash.
456
00:22:24,006 --> 00:22:26,052
And if all goes well, there's a bonus in it for you.
457
00:22:30,335 --> 00:22:33,476
We need to get you into the hospital
and get a Pitocin-drip going fast.
458
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,122
Unless you want a C-section, it's faster but...
459
00:22:36,247 --> 00:22:37,417
Get it out!
460
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,519
All right, I'll let the hospital know we're on our way.
461
00:22:44,045 --> 00:22:45,290
She's awesome.
462
00:22:47,097 --> 00:22:48,445
Please, I beg you.
463
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,534
Wait until I've given birth.
464
00:23:05,794 --> 00:23:08,802
Damn! Now that's what I'm talking about.
465
00:23:10,754 --> 00:23:12,872
These Comic Con freaks like to party.
466
00:23:12,997 --> 00:23:15,778
I guess you kind of have to be baked
to dress up like Skeletor
467
00:23:15,903 --> 00:23:18,741
and try to snap an upskirt picture of Lucy Lawless.
468
00:23:19,630 --> 00:23:21,275
So where is your partner?
469
00:23:21,571 --> 00:23:22,571
Who cares?
470
00:23:23,038 --> 00:23:25,695
Blitt and I can run this place
all by ourselves. Right, Swarmer?
471
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,268
Hey, buddy.
Look at this place.
472
00:23:32,742 --> 00:23:34,006
Very impressive.
473
00:23:34,421 --> 00:23:36,039
Thanks for involving me, dickhead.
474
00:23:36,332 --> 00:23:39,013
Like when I involved you
in my city council reelection campaign
475
00:23:39,138 --> 00:23:42,462
and you forgot to send my paperwork?
One. One fuck-up.
476
00:23:42,630 --> 00:23:45,470
You're fucking jinx. Anything you touch turns to shit.
477
00:23:45,951 --> 00:23:49,122
Nothing personal.
You're a douchebag. Nothing personal.
478
00:23:50,633 --> 00:23:52,500
Here's the man I came to meet.
479
00:23:58,427 --> 00:24:00,772
My client wishes to dissolve the partnership.
480
00:24:01,262 --> 00:24:03,816
We'll be filing articles of dissolution
with the state and county.
481
00:24:04,128 --> 00:24:06,861
You are advised to give statutory
notification to all creditors,
482
00:24:07,225 --> 00:24:08,821
settle all creditors' claims
483
00:24:08,989 --> 00:24:11,980
and then we can begin the distribution of all business assets.
484
00:24:13,491 --> 00:24:14,702
I'll take the weed.
485
00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,830
Fuck you. This club was my idea and you ruined it.
486
00:24:18,246 --> 00:24:20,458
You're uptight.
And you're irresponsible.
487
00:24:21,299 --> 00:24:23,566
You're really blowing all up?
I don't have a choice.
488
00:24:23,691 --> 00:24:26,456
I can't work with you. This is a professional establishment.
489
00:24:26,581 --> 00:24:28,841
Not some place for you to chase ass and get high.
490
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:31,500
I can't have you blow this place up.
491
00:24:31,863 --> 00:24:33,537
I love this place too much, man.
492
00:24:34,222 --> 00:24:36,444
But you got to make a compromise too.
493
00:24:37,362 --> 00:24:39,435
I get a ball in the morning to get me through the day.
494
00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:42,188
And for the sake of our friendship
and the success of our business,
495
00:24:42,676 --> 00:24:43,898
I'll bang Blitt's cousin.
496
00:24:46,852 --> 00:24:48,304
Deal.
Deal.
497
00:24:49,863 --> 00:24:51,667
That's what I like to see.
498
00:24:52,067 --> 00:24:53,637
Bros before hos.
499
00:24:54,082 --> 00:24:55,576
And weed over greed.
500
00:24:55,948 --> 00:24:57,578
Or is it greed over weed?
501
00:24:59,176 --> 00:25:00,813
Get down! Everybody down!
502
00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:03,793
Come on, guys! It's just more Comic Con freaks.
503
00:25:04,228 --> 00:25:05,368
Don't fucking move.
504
00:25:05,493 --> 00:25:07,427
I'm getting my badge, I'm a cop.
505
00:25:07,552 --> 00:25:09,882
Get the fuck down on the floor now. You too.
506
00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:12,093
All right, I'll play along, whatever.
507
00:25:16,747 --> 00:25:18,724
How come he doesn't have to get down?
508
00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:21,352
Because I'm Frank Calderone. Internal affairs.
509
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,937
Officer C.P. Jones.
510
00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:25,152
You have the right to remain silent.
511
00:25:25,277 --> 00:25:28,109
Is this a joke?
No, it's no joke, fat-ass.
512
00:25:28,420 --> 00:25:32,447
Theft, extorsion, falsifying documents.
And that's just for openers.
513
00:25:33,531 --> 00:25:35,004
You really are a cop.
514
00:25:36,090 --> 00:25:39,370
Can I still bang your cousin?
You will never come near a Calderone.
515
00:25:40,114 --> 00:25:41,914
Dean Hodes, attorney of law.
516
00:25:44,262 --> 00:25:45,448
Fucking jinx.
517
00:25:49,521 --> 00:25:51,507
Excuse me, visiting hours are over.
518
00:25:54,469 --> 00:25:58,181
You have done a very bad and foolish thing coming here.
519
00:25:59,937 --> 00:26:01,642
You must leave right away.
520
00:26:04,092 --> 00:26:05,336
Get dressed.
521
00:26:34,900 --> 00:26:36,174
My God.
522
00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:40,522
You have no idea what you've done.
523
00:26:42,673 --> 00:26:43,844
He has your eyes.