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Hey, Noah, me again, Brodie.
I don't mean to blow up your phone.
I'm just... I'm losing my fucking mind
at the house and wondering
if you need some company over there,
you know, even for just a couple of...
Okay, baby's fed.
I was thinking we could go to Ruby' later for... hello.
Hi, sorry. Do you mind if I...
By all means.
You clearly got your own breakfast plans.
Fuck.
No, no, keep going.
It's like when you used to play cocktail hour.
Oh, you were so good.
I was even better after sneaking
a couple of French 75s.
What's that?
Just a thoughtful note Winston slid under my door.
You know, he's been even more of an asshole lately.
That's because he is an asshole.
Then why are you still with him?
What can I say, honey?
The best dicks often have the worst owners.
Oh, my God. Ew, do not tell me that.
Are you going to that Jack Cole Jordan vigil later?
How do you even know about that?
Also, no.
Well, that little gay boy is so inspiring
the way he took this tragedy
and turned it into a call to help people.
It's not inspiring. It's opportunistic.
Anyways, I'm not going to his performative cry-fest.
Can we talk about you seeing someone?
Now, it doesn't have to be Dr. Maxwell.
But I do think seeing someone is a very good idea.
Look, I saw the shrink
you wanted me to see, and it didn't work.
Okay, fine, fuck therapy.
How about acupuncture?
Now, I know this older woman. She's on the west bank.
You think the thing that's gonna fix me getting shot
is me getting stabbed?
This is with needles, and it's not like...
Julian, where are we going?
- Well, I'm going to the mall. - I'll drive.
You know, I just need to change first.
Brodie, can we talk about this?
Sorry, I wanna spend some quality time with my brother.
Let's go.
What do you think I should wear?
Okay, take it down, like, one notch.
Are you sure the babies aren't gonna suffocate on that?
Look, I've gotta bring something to the sip and see,
and dinosaurs are dope and transcend gender binaries.
They'll love it. So what do you need to get?
Nothing, came to hang out.
Oh, cool.
Hey.
So how do you know everyone here?
Because they're my friends. That's Jojo.
Her boyfriend's a pilot for Delta,
so I get all the gossip on new routes
and what they're adding to their fleet.
Right, I mean, you see them here,
but don't you wanna, like,
I don't know, meet a girl or make real friends?
These are my real friends.
Right, cool.
Okay, when someone invites you into their home,
don't be a dick, all right?
I'm not. I'm just looking at it...
Yes, you were. Look, I get it, okay?
It's really easy to look past this place and these people
and think in a world with Amazon,
why does a mall even need to exist, right?
I mean, yeah.
But it does exist.
Even if you can't see it,
even if you ignore it, it's still here.
Brodie, just because something isn't cool or whatever,
it doesn't mean it doesn't have value.
It just means that you might need to look harder.
- Wow, that's... - I have to pee.
Hey, hey, Brodie, Brodie. Look at me.
Shh, it's okay, it's okay. Just breathe.
Come on.
You're okay. Just sit.
Drink this.
You're okay.
Weird, I think I was just having a...
Yeah, I know actually.
Right.
It's good to see you.
What?
I don't know.
I mean, after that night, I DMed you a few times.
Never heard back, so...
Yeah, I'm not really on social media
is a fucking bullshit blow off line.
I don't know, I guess I just don't know proper etiquette
for I ate your ass, then we survived a shooting,
then I discovered you were secretly in high school.
Oh, is that not a common thing for you?
It was my first time.
Oh, weird.
You going to JCJ's vigil tonight?
No, last place on the planet I would wanna go.
Right, okay. See, my mom wanted me to go,
and I'm just like...
luckily, she's working, so saved.
Would you want to, like, hang out?
I mean, if your friend here
doesn't mind me tagging along, that is.
You know, I would,
but I have to go to this potluck sip and see
at Ruthie's, or Ms. O'Neill's, I guess.
I don't know.
It's for people to come see the babies and stuff.
Another time?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Fuck this.
I'm sorry, this is just a misunderstanding.
What was just a misunderstanding?
Um, right.
- Kylie Jenner's collection. - What?
I'm not gonna steal from Rihanna.
I'm not a monster.
Thanks for picking up your phone this time.
I usually do when someone calls eight times in a row
and says, "The police are involved."
Yeah, well, I really needed your help.
It's fine. It's for a good reason.
- Happy I could get him off. - You got him off?
Don't make a "get him off" joke.
Anyway, he got a warning.
Also, you do know that this is not the kind
of law that I practice, right?
Right, but doesn't every lawyer have to learn
about mall cruising cases the first week of law school?
You know, start with the important stuff.
Right, the fundamentals.
Also, it's nice to you stepping up for Julian.
I'm nice. Everybody knows that.
- Brodie, can we go? - One second.
So Ruthie and Shar are having this thing for everyone
to come meet the babies today. Wanna come?
I wish I could, but I gotta get back to work.
- I'm swamped. - Okay.
Can we at least hang out soon?
I wanna see you.
Yeah, maybe.
Hey, don't worry, okay?
If I got arrested every time I cruised,
I'd be doing 25 to life.
Thanks.
So was it a glory hole situation,
or were y'all going under stall?
Funny.
I can't believe I didn't know you were gay.
Why didn't you tell me?
I don't know why you're so surprised.
- We don't talk. - That is not true.
I know for a fact
I sent you that horny frog meme on your birthday.
- You did, two years ago. - Wow.
It's a pretty basic meme, too.
Yeah, I'd seen it, like, a thousand times.
Holy shit, Brenda and Winston
are gonna fucking lose it when they find out.
Look, I can be with you when you tell them if you want.
Oh, they already know.
They've known for, like, two years.
And they didn't freak out?
Sorry.
I guess a lot has changed since I've left.
Yeah, that's kind of what happens.
Okay.
Like, maybe we haven't talked before,
but that doesn't mean we can't now, right?
I wanna know everything. Are you going to bars?
Who are your gays? Do I know them?
The whole gay scene really isn't my thing.
Isn't your thing?
Fuck, look, let me make up for lost time.
I'm going to be the Aladdin to your Jasmine
and show you a whole new world of faggotry.
Brodie, I was arrested for sucking dick
in a bathroom stall today. I think I'm good.
Julian, shut up and get on the magic carpet.
There will be go-go boys and dick pics.
Have you even seen "Aladdin"? No, just take me home.
After.
First we gotta stop at Ruthie and Shar's to see their babies.
Oh, my God, they're so cute.
You told people this was a potluck, right?
'Cause nobody brought food. They all just sipping.
If one of these drunk bitches drops our kid,
my friend count is gonna drop to zero.
She is so brave. I mean, I couldn't handle it.
After what she just went through, oh, my God.
I don't know what to say.
- And she's still here. - Okay, fuck this.
Is she okay?
Hey.
How you holding up since the shooting...
Oh, Brodie. Sorry, just gotta...
Oh-ho! And they call you mother.
Ga, ga, ga, ga!
Hi. Hi, Julian.
- Hi. - The fuck is this?
For the babies.
Great, just put it somewhere Shar can't see it.
Oh, sorry so much.
So the party's going well.
On one hand, it's so nice to see so many friends.
And on the other, I'd love if they all died.
Is that weird?
It's only weird
if you're pretending it's nice to see these people.
She won't go to therapy. She won't go to the vigil.
You know what she will do?
- Kill her liver? - Well, yeah.
That and masturbating like she's 13
and just discovered the hand shower.
Well, you gotta admire a sex drive
that can survive a massive hate crime.
I do admire it, okay, but I just wish
she'd acknowledge she going through it,
instead of pretending like her biggest problem is getting off.
Honestly, it's my only problem.
I totally get it.
When my dog died, I couldn't cum for a week.
You just gotta get creative.
Be a teenager about it.
Like, jerk off wherever and whenever you can.
Public bathrooms, cars, the bus.
Girl, how have you not been arrested?
Trust me, you have a block. You gotta clear it.
Hey, babe.
Can you go get those blankets that kid from NOCCA made us?
On it.
Masturbating in your bedroom during a party?
That's so wrong.
Get the fuck outta here.
What? I'm an ideas person.
You're just a filthy fucking whore.
Yes, Mistress.
Yes, Mommy, I'm a filthy whore.
Shit.
Damn it, she's awake.
I know, it's fine. I'll get her.
- Are you sure? - No, babe, I got it.
You did it last time. It's my turn.
She gets the crying thing from you.
Yes, you do.
There she is. Any luck?
Unfortunately, no.
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
Maybe you just graduated from darker and darker porn
and now nothing can get you there.
Been there.
- Oh, yeah? - Oh, absolutely.
There was this two-month period
when I discovered those weird Czech videos
where the dudes' bodies would be half in a wall.
People's faces were a total turnoff for months.
I've seen those videos. I'd work at a place like that.
You'd be terrible at a place like that.
Fuck you. I'd be a star.
No, that is a pillow princess job.
You like doing the work.
Aw, I do like doing the work.
You're not going to the JCJ vigil thing, right?
Right? Fucking thank you.
Shar keeps pushing it, saying it'll be cathartic.
I'm like, "Why would I want go be on display like that?"
"Come on down. See the crying fag."
- They wouldn't call you a fag. - I know.
I miss being called a fag. I'm a woman of fag experience.
Look, I get it though.
If one more person calls me brave,
I'm gonna kick them full-on in the dick.
Mm-hmm.
Although based on your choice of porn,
I probably shouldn't tempt you.
Shut up.
You know I'd do anything for you.
Faggot.
Oh, shit.
I forgot why I was looking for you.
I think Gen Z might have crashed sip and see.
Brodie.
Sorry so much.
Oh.
My gosh, so many options.
- Ruthie, hi, happy baby. - What are you doing here?
You're on leave, so you're not technically my teacher.
Plus, we're like friends now.
And friends show up to friends,
like, whatever this baby potluck thing is.
Also, this is for you and, like, maybe the babies.
I got the vegan ones, which should be okay for them.
I'm guessing this wasn't your idea?
I'm sorry, Ms. O'Neill. I tried to tell him.
Oh, God, the betrayal and, like, immediately.
Yeah, sorry to interrupt, but you guys need to go home.
Come on, come on.
Okay, fine, but I'm taking this.
Excuse me, have fun. Bye, bye.
Real quick though, is Brodie here?
'Cause I think he wanted to hang out with me.
You know, you actually you just missed him.
Oh, do you know where he was going?
Maybe go to the vigil tonight.
I think he might be there.
Really? Because earlier he said that...
Must have changed his mind, said something about it
maybe being good for him, cathartic.
- Okay. - Okay, bye.
Thanks for the quiche.
- All right, fine. - See you.
Bye.
- Quiche. - Oh, thank God.
- I'm so fucking hungry. - Mm, thank you.
Hey, how are you doing?
You know, I was supposed to be at Babylon
for a bachelorette that night, but I was too tired,
but can you imagine
if I had had one more cup of coffee that day?
No, I cannot imagine at all.
I'd like to make a toast!
First, I wanna thank Ruthie, my best friend,
since... well, since we were young enough
that calling someone your best friend
was a very loaded set of words.
You know, Ryan Andrews stopped being my friend all together
when I gave the title to Ruthie,
but that sacrifice was worth it.
He got kicked out of school
because he wouldn't stop taking his dick out in class.
Regardless, I wanna wish you and Shar all the best
in your new journey as parents.
I especially wanna thank Shar
because even though they don't like me...
What kind of toast is this?
I want to thank you
because you still let me be your donor.
You let me play a little part
in bringing these two beauties into the world.
To Flotsam and Jetsam!
To Florence and Jett, but thank you.
But most importantly, I wanna raise a toast
to all you wonderful people here today.
All these great...
Allies.
I mean, if it weren't for you,
who would ask us if we were okay?
Who would tell us about all the ways
that the most traumatic night of our lives
was, kind of, sort of
actually almost about them?
I mean, 'cause that's the takeaway here.
You know, this party, the vigil tonight, hell,
the shooting itself, it's really all about you.
To these heroes.
Wow.
Someone making someone else's moment
about them. Can you imagine?
Okay, Shar, let's give him a break.
What? Give him a break?
The person in our home insulting the people
we work with, he needs a break?
You know what?
I'm gonna go check on the babies for a minute.
Guess I should go.
Well, this was lovely.
Please have more kids, so we can do it again.
So your toast was interesting.
You don't think it went well?
I think it just kind of depends
on what you were going for, you know?
What if I was going for not ruining a children's party?
Then I'd have some notes.
So you have kids.
It's actually crazy that you didn't tell me that, but okay.
And now you're ignoring me. Really?
Brodie, what is happening?
I'm sorry.
Honestly, I'm just going through a lot, okay?
And I feel really fucked up.
Noah's been ignoring me, which I get.
But I don't know.
I just thought that after Babylon, you know,
after Daddius that...
Then he didn't wanna talk to me.
So it was just really nice seeing him today.
I just really wish he'd message me back.
You know what? I change my mind.
- I do need "Aladdin," yeah. - What?
Come on, show me the world. Give me the gay-BCs.
Oh, okay.
Julian, you're right. You know how to be gay.
- I have never done the apps. - Yes, you have.
No, no, CP just makes it too tricky, you know?
It's like, do you mention it and get guys
that are weirdly into it, or do you not mention it
and risk someone getting mad at you?
So, no.
Well, you know, I am pretty good at the apps.
I have no doubt about that.
Okay, is this crazy?
What if we trade phones?
And you can build me a profile,
and I can be Grindr Brodie for a little bit.
Like training wheels.
Okay, I'm in.
But be careful with Grindr Brodie.
He's a lot.
- Gross, but thank you. - You have no idea.
Okay, so you're gonna get full pics.
You're gonna get dick pics. You're gonna get armpit pics.
You know you miss me.
Why are you here?
I'm here to fill your paper tray.
Come on.
You didn't think I actually left you?
Stop, stop!
Stop!
Babe, can you take a break for a minute?
It's the least I can do.
I don't know why I defended him in that moment.
He was being an asshole.
I honestly don't even care about that right now.
Just come sit down.
I've been tiptoeing around this,
but we gotta talk about it.
I'm worried about you.
- Shar. - Just let me finish.
I'm worried about you.
I'm mad at you for sneaking out that night,
and I'm so sorry that something terrible happened.
But I feel like I can't talk to you about that
because you went through this awful thing,
and that's gonna make me a bad guy every time,
and not being able to talk to you scares me
because you don't seem like Ruthie.
And, look, you distant, and you hurting,
and I get that, but you also not you.
- That's not true. - When the last time you cried?
What?
Ruthie, since I've known you,
you've been the kind of person that cries at everything,
and I'm not just talking "Terms of Endearment."
I'm talking gum commercials.
Okay, well, in my defense,
that was a particularly sad gum commercial.
And I love that you cry at dumb stuff.
I do, but you haven't since the babies were born, since...
I know what it's since.
And I don't think it's that.
I've just been very sexually frustrated,
and I haven't been able to cum.
Oh, my God, can we stop with the sex stuff?
You need to talk to someone.
And you need to go to these vigils and let yourself grieve.
- The sex stuff, not the problem. - Look, you're probably right.
I probably should talk to somebody.
Or fine, let's go to the vigils if that's what you wanna do.
But the sex stuff isn't just sex stuff.
Okay, well, when I transitioned,
I didn't sleep with anybody for a long time,
and not for a lack of trying.
Clearly, your girl's a ho-bag.
I went from being this super cute, gay boy
who people very much wanted to fuck
to a trans woman
that... well, people just didn't see me that way anymore.
So what do you do?
Well, all you want is to feel something,
so you jerk off, but in those early days,
the hormones made cumming on my own feel impossible,
and suddenly, I had lost this entire part of myself
that made me feel okay, that made me feel alive
even at times when I wasn't sure I wanted to be,
and it was scary, and it was lonely,
and then one day years later, somehow without realizing it,
I had started looking more the way I wanted to,
more like an after pic than a before.
You know, the before's really not so bad.
It's really that weird middle picture
where you kind of, sort of look like two aliens
that got fused together in this weird teleportation accident.
Babe, I love you,
but I think you're losing the plot.
Right.
So I figured out makeup.
I lost my Adam's apple, and people wanted me again.
And the hormones evened out, and I could cum again.
I could feel alive again.
But now since that night,
that part of me is gone again.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
But I know one thing.
I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you tonight.
- We don't have to. - Oh, fuck you.
You gonna give me this beautiful speech
about transness, and sex, and self-worth?
Nothing could turn me on more.
But we are gonna go to this vigil first as a family.
Ugh, fine, zaddy.
Yeah, there's my moody teen. I missed her.
- Nope, not including that. - Everybody lies about it.
Like, even if it's 8 inches, you say it's 12.
I've never measured my dick, and I'm not gonna start.
Oh, I can take your dick pics for you.
You do know that we're brothers,
and that's weird, right?
You asked for "Aladdin."
"Aladdin" doesn't have incest.
It should.
Might have been less problematic.
You came.
Which one of my guilt-inducing text messages did it?
The one Julian sent.
You sneaky bitch. I love it.
Well, then you're gonna love
that I've been on Grindr for years.
Then what have we been doing here?
You got to teach me something,
which in your current, very obvious depression spiral
meant something to you, and I got a profile written
by a famed heartthrob.
Wow, so this how it feels to be used.
Honestly, not terrible.
So what are we gonna do tonight?
I was thinking you should
probably come stay with me for a bit.
Wait, really? Move back into our old house?
My house, but yeah.
I feel like living alone in a huge place all by myself
is probably not great for me right now.
And do you miss me?
I said what I said.
You know I would, but I don't wanna bail on Julian.
Why not?
You've basically been doing it my entire life.
I like him.
Honestly...
Why don't you come too?
- It's a huge place. - Oh, I'm good.
You guys got a lot of stuff going on.
All the more reason for you to come.
I'll think about it.
I'm thinking about it.
- He's in. - Fantastic.
We'll head there right after the vigil.
Works for us.
I'll meet you there, okay?
- You okay? - Yeah.
I can't believe it.
You're making me an empty nester.
Now I'm gonna have to actually speak to your father.
Aww, what do you talk to a straight man over 60 about?
Food, golf, network TV.
It's horrible.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
Mom, do you think I can't,
like, handle living away from you or something?
I know.
I know, but you're my best friend.
- You're my best friend too. - Mm-hmm.
Which is why I need to move away.
Look, I love Brodie,
and I'm glad he's looking out for you,
but when it comes down to it, Brodie puts Brodie first.
Now, you can call me overbearing,
but I'm just worried
that when the time comes, he might not protect you.
Well, maybe I don't need protecting.
I know you're right. I just know Brodie.
You know, I don't think you know him
as well as you think you do.
A mother knows her children
better than they know themselves.
Oh, so I guess you know that Brodie's the donor
to Ruthie and Shar's babies.
Bye, Mom.
I know I've been gone for a while,
but does anybody else get Mayor Pete fake gay vibes
from him, but like evil?
I thought y'all liked Mayor Pete ever since
he looked hot with a beard.
You know what's weird?
I don't know anybody that's fucked him.
I know a lot of fags,
and it feels like I should know someone that's fucked him.
- Excuse me. - Hi, hi.
Julian, thank God you're here.
Now we can stop listening to Brodie.
Yeah, he's always been the B-list Beaumont.
Would we even go that high?
Hello, my beautiful trauma queens.
I'm so glad y'all could make it out tonight.
Within hours of the shooting, I posted a GoFundMe
that went viral when none other
than Lil Nas X's number one stan account
on Twitter shared it.
Is stan account endorsement impressive?
Unfortunately, yes. Ugh, I hate that I know that.
I don't miss teaching high schoolers.
I took that fundraiser and made something bigger.
My charity, Babyl-On, Babyl-Strong
will raise money for victims' families as well as survivors.
Actually not survivors,
thrivers.
Because we will thrive.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, stop.
He's raising money for us. We shouldn't make fun of him.
And while I'm up here,
I should probably address some of the rumors.
Yes, I will be appearing in the upcoming season
of "American Horror Story."
Okay, never mind, he's trash.
I'm really glad we came to this.
Okay, Mom.
Oh, don't be a dick. I care about you.
And it seems like a lot of other people do, too.
So is that so bad?
Yeah, okay, fine. You're right.
Hey, Brodie!
- Oh, shit. - What?
I told him to come tonight. I said you'd be here.
Why?
Because I knew you weren't coming,
but he seemed like he was struggling,
so I thought if he came, maybe it would help him.
You bitch, all while I'm trying to get you to go,
and you're blowing me off.
Hey, those who can't do, teach.
Nine souls lost
while celebrating life.
Sheridan Segal,
Andy Jayne,
Max Walker,
Johnny Romano,
Lonnie Simpson,
Michael Ryan,
Kevin Fradmir,
Kennedy Mondelot,
and Daddius Miller.
A moment for those we lost.
Do you wanna talk about the vigil?
Please.
Are you sure? We don't have to.
You can top if you want, I just...
Shut up.
Fuck.
Good boy.
I missed you so much.
I'm so glad we're getting a second chance.
You feel better?
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