- Is he really here? - He is, yeah.
Do you think he got my letter at the North Pole?
Of course he did.
Daddy, did you write him a letter?
- Er, no. I didn't, James, no. - Oh.
Oh, look at that.
Haven't they done a wonderful job with the tree this year?
♪ Good King Wenceslas Looked out on the Feast of Stephen
♪ When the snow lay round about Deep and crisp and even... ♪
Hey, fancy guessing the weight of the turkey, Doc?
- One pound, two guesses. - No.
He's very friendly. Turns out turkeys got a lot of personality.
Hm. Make sure you wash your hands. They're filthy.
Has there always been Christmas?
- Yeah. - Er, no.
Well, not ALWAYS always.
No, it used to be called the Winter Solstice,
but in the fourth century,
Pope Julius chose the 25th of December for Christmas
because he wanted to replace the pagan Saturnalia festival.
James!
- Jenny. - Hi!
- Mm, delicious! - Careful, Doc!
Another inch, you're under the mistletoe.
Anyone who wanted could lay a smacker on you.
What?
Mrs Tishell...
No, I'm fine, Doc. I'm just fine.
It's so nice to see you here, Doc.
How long has this food been outside?
Only since this morning.
You should wear a hair net. It's unhygienic.
♪ Nine ladies dancing Eight maids a-milking
♪ Seven swans a-swimming Six geese a-laying
♪ Five gold rings... ♪
I think that's my favourite song.
Yeah, as Christmas ones go, it's all right.
No, not my favourite Christmas song. My favourite song ever.
This guy buys this girl all these amazing gifts.
Five gold rings, four calling birds,
three French men... It's so romantic.
I got you some eggnog.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
Happy Christmas!
Oh, hello, James! Ha-ha.
Are you here to see Santa?
That'll be £10, please, Doc.
- £10? - Yeah.
Oh... It's fine. Thanks.
Thank you.
£10, really (!)
Merry Christmas, Doc.
And what do you want for Christmas?
Oh, an actual list. Excellent.
- Ho-ho-ho-ho! - Laura, look this way.
And here's your present.
Yeah, don't forget.
Merry Christmas. Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
- Urgh, look at him. - Martin.
He keeps scratching.
What, Santa?
Well, he's probably just hot under the lights.
- Disgusting! - Oi, Doc, move up.
Ah, what do we have here?
A smartly dressed young man with a very nice tie.
Did you tie that yourself?
How wonderful.
And what do you want for Christmas?
- Look, don't, Martin. - Excuse me.
I'm afraid you'll have to join the queue, big boy.
You keep scratching. Is there something wrong?
Santa's got a new costume and the material's a bit itchy.
Now, come and tell Santa what you want for Christmas.
Uh-uh, no. Don't go any closer.
He could be contagious. Let me see.
- You're being ridiculous. - Show me, please.
- Doc, you're holding up the line! - Leave Santa alone!
- Leave it, Martin. - Excuse me, what's the hold-up?
Here, Doc, you're gonna have to come out of there.
This man has a potentially infectious disease.
That rash could be shingles, erysipelas or scabies.
A virus, a bacteria or a parasite.
Do you really want to infect your children? Do you?
- Right, I want you to come with me. - Seriously?
Seriously. Come with me. You need to fumigate this place.
Doc, I think you're over-reacting, just a tad.
- Shut it down. Come on. - Sorry, he does mean well.
Right, you heard what the doc said. Everybody out.
Come on now. Out you go. I'm sorry, no returns.
- That's what I said, no returns. - I'm sorry, don't be sad.
We'll come back next year.
There'll be other Santas, other grottos.
You get on the examination table, please.
Take off your boot and roll up your trouser leg.
- How long have you had this for? - A week or so.
I'm sorry, I can't hear what you're saying. Take that beard off.
Probably allergic to the material in the costume.
Do you have a history of allergies?
No. Do you have a history of ruining Christmas?
I didn't ruin Christmas.
All those traumatised children who saw you drag away Santa
might well disagree on that.
It doesn't look like an allergic reaction to me.
- I'll do a punch biopsy. - A biopsy?
Won't I have to go to hospital for that?
Er, no. This has a blade which removes
a small plug of skin through the epidermis and the dermis,
into the subcutaneous fat below.
- Do you have any other symptoms? - At my age, there's always something.
Aches and pains, wear and tear.
I lost some weight. Stomach's been a bit dodgy. Probably nerves.
Nerves?
My job is to bring joy and wonder to the children of Portwenn.
I take that seriously.
- Do you suffer from fatigue? - I don't suffer, Doc.
I enjoy the work.
But, yes, it does take a lot out of me, I suppose.
Right, I'll take a blood sample, check if you're anaemic or not.
Poke away. So long as it lets me get back out there and do my job.
Er, no, you're not to mix with children, I'm afraid.
Until we've discovered if you're infectious or not.
I-I've got a big surprise lined up for the village on Christmas Eve.
I really don't wanna let folk down.
I'm sorry, you're not going anywhere until we have your test results.
I should have the blood available tomorrow
and the biopsy sometime next week.
Not a fan of Christmas, are you?
I don't have any feelings about it either way.
Doesn't come across my desk.
Somebody needs to show you the true magic of the season, Doc.
I'm sure they do, thank you. And we're finished for now.
Close the door on your way out, please.
How are you?
Is Santa angry at us?
No, of course not.
I didn't get to meet him.
I'm sorry. It's such a shame.
Here, come and sit down.
Aw...
You know, when I was your age,
Portwenn used to have a lantern parade on Christmas Eve.
And it was so lovely.
All these lights would be coming down the hill,
with Santa Claus at the front.
Can we do that?
Well, no, cos someone would need to arrange and organise it.
- You could. - Oh, I didn't mean me.
And I could get to meet Santa.
Well, yeah, you could,
but it's Christmas Eve tomorrow, so...
Please.
..so I suppose I'd better get a move on, right?
Yes.
Tomorrow? That's short notice.
I just want James to have a Christmas he won't forget.
You know, I have all these happy memories of it as a child.
You know, the parade and the lights.
And I still remember the little red bike my father gave me
when I was four.
- Yes, probably stolen. - Martin!
Ellingham.
Yes.
I am.
Ah...
I see.
Right.
When would that be?
Yes. I see.
Thank you.
Everything OK?
Er, that was the, er, London Royal Hospital.
My mother died of a heart attack at 11 o'clock this morning.
Oh, Martin...
I'm so sorry.
I should tell Ruth, I suppose.
After lunch, maybe.
Come here.
It's... I don't want the fish to get dry.
There goes the Grinch.
- Thanks for ruining Christmas! - Tosser!
- Tosser!
- Hello, Martin. Come in. - Thank you.
You'll have to forgive me. I'm experimenting with eggnog.
What is it?
Er, my mother suffered a heart attack this morning and died.
Oh, dear.
- I'm sorry to hear that. - Mm.
Erm...
Oh, when will the funeral be?
Sometime between Christmas and the new year.
May I ask how you're feeling?
Erm, I'm-I'm fine. We weren't very close.
She was your mother.
She stole my clock.
Don't be too hard on yourself, Martin.
Grief has a way of stealing up on us all,
even when we think we're free of it.
Honestly, I'm fine.
Poor Margaret.
I always hoped that she'd become the mother that you deserved, but...
Oh, well, I won't speak ill of the dead.
She was an awful woman and a terrible mother.
I thought you weren't going to speak ill.
I was being polite.
'How much?'
No, but seriously.
Look, I know it's short notice, but...
I'm gonna have to call you back.
Hello, Louisa. What can I do for you?
Joe, you've, er, got a little something on your face.
It's for, erm, undercover work.
Well, I'm here because I'd like to organise
a lantern parade for tomorrow.
A lantern parade? Haven't had one of those for years.
Unfortunately, from a police standpoint,
tomorrow's just not possible.
- Oh... Oh, that's a shame. - Mm.
Because I was gonna ask you to be Santa and lead the parade.
Well, when I say not possible, I mean not...
NOT possible.
So it... it is possible?
I'm here to help. What do we need?
Well, we need lanterns. About 40 or 50.
- No problem. I'll talk to Bert. - Great. And can you spread the word?
Just to confirm, I shall be playing Santa Claus
and leading the parade?
- Yeah. - Wonderful.
You know, between you and me, it's not really for undercover work.
I know. I can see your costume hanging up at the back.
Ha, very good. You should be a policeman.
Mrs Tishell, I've come to pick up my medical supplies
for the holiday period.
What are you doing? Mrs Tishell?
You're choking.
Turn round.
- Got it? - Oh... Oh...
- Right, just let go. - Oh, thank you, Doctor.
Let go. Let go of my arms.
Oh, thank you, Doctor. It went down the wrong way.
You were choking before as well.
Well, I-I-I do need to take more care in future.
Why is your voice hoarse?
Cos I was singing carols yesterday. You saved my life, Doctor.
- Come here into the light. - Oh...
Mmm... Mm, mm, mm!
No, no, no!
- But the mistletoe...! - No!
No, I'll come and collect my supplies later.
I'm sorry, Doc! I-I had to.
Cos this might be my last...
my last Christmas.
- There you go, John. - Cheers, Bert. Merry Christmas.
I know the doc has a job to do, but so do I.
And it's not fair, you know? It's just not fair.
Yes, we know. You keep on saying, Leonard.
- Sorry. Don't mean to go on about it. - It's all right.
If you can't go to your local for a drink and a moan,
where can you go? It's good to see you in here again.
It's been a while.
It's the children I feel sorry for.
It's a bit of magic in their lives.
Takes me months to make these.
I don't blame the doc.
No, he's to be pitied.
He just...
He just doesn't get it.
But don't worry, Santa isn't done yet.
Oh!
I think Santa's done for the day at least.
Best go home and sleep it off, eh?
- This isn't like you. - Do you need me to call you a taxi?
No, it's OK.
I've got a sleigh.
- Sorry, she kissed you? - Yeah.
On the cheek or...?
No, no, no. On the... Smack on the mouth.
- Maybe she was aiming for the cheek. - No, she wasn't.
It was quite shocking.
And there was this peculiar metallic tang,
which didn't make it any better.
I'm not sure I wanna know all the details now, thank you.
Oh, I don't blame you.
- Did she say why she did it? - Something about mistletoe.
I've brushed my teeth and I'm ready for bed.
Oh, would you like me to come and read to you?
- No. - It's the new one.
I said NO.
James, you don't raise your voice to your father.
- What is that?! - Oh, my God!
- THUDDING - It's coming from upstairs.
- It's on the roof. - It's Santa Claus!
Don't be ridiculous.
Ho-ho-ho!
What are you doing up there?!
I'm showing you the magic of Christmas!
Well, get down, right now.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
What's going on? I saw the commotion from The Platt. Wait, is that...?
It's Santa Claus!
Well, maybe to the untrained eye.
You need to get up there and get that man down.
He is drunk, he's a danger to himself and my property.
- Follow me. - Please don't hurt Santa.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
All right, Leonard?
That's not my name.
All right... Santa?
Why don't you just come over here
- nice and slowly...? - Is he coming?
That man needs to learn the true meaning of Christmas.
Oh, he just wants to teach you the true meaning of Christmas.
No, get back up there, go and get him!
OK, OK. Ah, ah...
Ah...
Well... unless the true meaning of Christmas
is that he's gonna get his chimney blocked,
I suggest...
Oh, that's a big drop!
It could... It could make you feel a bit, a bit...
Whoa!
Don't let go, Leonard!
That's not my name!
Santa! Don't let go, Santa!
I won't.
Oh, God.
- Oh, oh, oh... - Argh...
- Whoops. - Oh, don't say whoops! Argh!
Ah, ah, ah...
Thanks, Doc. It wasn't me.
It was just everything started moving. I went dizzy.
It's vertigo.
And you're drunk and a disgrace. Come down.
Merry Christmas, Doc!
- What on Earth were you thinking of? - Sorry, Doc.
I suppose I get a bit emotional this time of the year.
I had a few drinks.
- Normally don't touch the stuff. - A few drinks? You're drunk.
It was only two.
Really? Well, you must have a very low tolerance for alcohol.
I suggest you keep avoiding it.
That was incredibly irresponsible. The harm you could've done yourself
or Penhale. Not to mention my family.
Lucky I was there to save you.
Right, come on, I'll drive you home.
At least your son got to see Santa.
Yes, if he'd been really lucky, he'd have seen Santa
fall off the roof and break his neck.
James...
Look what Santa brought...
Hello?
No! Ow!
Out, out, OUT!
- Why is it in here? - I wonder what's wrong.
It's a dog. That's what's wrong. It's always barking.
No, it's-it's not always barking.
And it's never at this time in the morning.
- Martin? - Yes.
- James has gone! - What? Where?
I don't know, he's left this note. It says he's gone to the North Pole.
Oh, James is a smart, sensible boy, he wouldn't do that.
He's not in his room and you're literally holding a note
- saying he's gone. - All right, I'll get dressed
and we'll go and find him.
Yeah, maybe he's just hiding in the house somewhere.
James, James! Come on, hurry up. James!
He's never done anything like this before.
I think it's cos his head's been filled with
all this Father Christmas stuff.
Well, you're the one who practically dragged Santa out the grotto,
then shouted at him yesterday.
Well, he was on our roof!
But James doesn't get that. He just..
- He just sees you ruining Christmas. - I'm not ruining Christmas!
Is it so bad that he might enjoy it?
Even you must have some happy memories of it as a child.
No, I don't. MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Well, isn't that a good reason to make sure that James and Mary do?
Ruth.
Yes.
We're on our way.
She's got him. She's giving him breakfast.
Oh, thank goodness. Right, but I'll pick him up.
I'm sorry, Martin, it's just that under the circumstances,
I think it's better that I go there alone.
Right.
Shut up.
Oh, good morning, Doc. Oh, you're all wet.
I want to talk about yesterday.
Oh, s... Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm very sorry.
Erm, I know it was unprofessional and that you're probably very angry.
Unless you're not... and you want to suggest that we elope together,
- slipping away into the night... - No. No. No!
When you forced your mouth against mine yesterday,
I noticed a strong acidic taste.
And yesterday I saw you choke twice, on two different occasions.
Also, your voice is very hoarse.
Well that's cos I've been singing carols.
And I am sorry, but I have to close for lunch.
It's 8:15 in the morning.
Well, I'm... I'm not ill, Doctor.
Do you get a sensation like there's a lump in your throat
- when you swallow? - No.
No, because that would be very worrying if I thought that...
Yes.
You can read me like a book, Doctor.
Hmm. Let me take a look.
Ah, oh...
I first noticed it a couple of weeks ago.
And I feel something every time I swallow.
An enlarged lymph node. I know what that means, Doctor.
Stop talking. Open your mouth and tilt your head back.
Don't try to kiss me.
- Ahh! - Swallow.
Yes. You have GORD.
Gastroesophageal reflux disease.
I'll prescribe Omeprazole, but we should keep an eye on it.
Chronic inflammation of the oesophagus over time
could lead to more serious complications and damage.
What, so, basically...
heartburn?
- Yes. - I'm not dying?
No, not yet. Hold still.
Mm. Normal movement.
Your prolapsed disc must have healed.
You don't need to wear the neck brace any more.
Oh, I-I-I think just to be on the safe side...
There is no safe side. You just don't need to.
Maybe just pop it back on for a few minutes. Not more, I-I...
If you have an issue with taking it off,
then I can refer you to a clinical psychologist if you like.
No. There's no need for that.
Consider it gone.
And thank you, Doctor, for your infinite patience and understanding.
Yes.
Medical supplies, please.
Yes, Doctor.
Thank you.
I was just coming back from the newsagents
and I saw him strolling down the street.
I managed to persuade him to have some breakfast
before he continued his journey to the North Pole.
'..freezing conditions, sub-zero.
'And you can see there's a strong band of low pressure...'
What you did was very wrong, James.
You can't just go walking off like that.
Mummy and Daddy were very worried.
'..with a good chance of some snow on the higher ground.
'And that's gonna give some of us in Cornwall...'
It says it might snow.
'..a white Christmas...'
You won't need to go to the North Pole now, will you?
Doesn't matter. I hate Christmas!
He's just like his father.
Well, no. No, he's not, Ruth.
Because, actually, Daddy's very much looking forward to seeing Santa
at the parade tonight as well.
Really?
Of course.
So, why don't you go and clean up your bowl and we'll get on home?
'Twelve Days Of Christmas'
'Be honest, Doc, how bad is it?'
- It's just a few minor scratches. - Oh, God.
I've probably caught all kinds of horrible diseases.
Diseases from birds are usually spread by inhaling the dust
from their droppings.
Worst a scratch'll do is give you a mild superficial infection.
Did you just say super-infection?
No, I said superficial infection.
This is hardly the emergency you said it was.
Hello, hello, hell...! Oh.
Oh, Doc, what are you doing here? What's happened?
Some psycho left birds in a box to attack me.
They didn't attack you. They scratched you.
The doc's right.
Bit soon to be using inflammatory language like psycho.
Maybe someone just wanted to give you a gift.
What, a gift of three chickens?! And then there's the note.
"This is only the beginning." That's a threat if ever I heard one.
- Bye. - Er, no. Wait up, Doc.
Er, Louisa asked me to look after the kids. I'll be safer there.
Joe, deal with those.
- Oh. Good morning! - Oh, hello, Agatha.
I'm afraid the surgery isn't open till after Christmas now.
Oh, no, I've come to see you. Official Parish Council business.
Oh, right. OK.
Of course. Erm...
She does realise
that that turkey is gonna end up on someone's dinner table?
- Yeah, course she does. - Who's a good boy? Yeah, you are.
You know, I've made almost as much from selling
guess-the-weight raffle tickets
than I have had from selling food these past few days.
The great thing is, the chances of someone actually guessing
the weight of that bird are close to zero. Oh, dear.
It's a shame that Christmas comes but once a year.
- Here we go. - Pop it over there.
I got some battery lanterns, candle ones,
and some of those fancy sky ones.
Here, were they expensive?
It doesn't matter, Bert. It's Christmas.
- We're not gonna charge for them. - Oh, no, of course not.
Sorry, Agatha, we had a little bit of an incident here today.
Oh.
- Would you like some tea? - Oh, no, thank you.
I understand you're planning a lantern parade this evening?
Yes. Well, it's a bit last-minute,
but it's all coming together, touch wood.
How wonderful. Although, you know the rules.
You haven't lodged your event notification form with the council
60 days prior to the event and had it ratified.
No. I thought as it's just a few people walking down the street...
Oh... A few people walking down the street...
It's a bit like saying a rock concert is a few people in a field.
Agatha, James is really looking forward to this.
I know the village feels the same.
And it really will just be a few people with lanterns...
Hi, guys.
Martin, this is Agatha. She's from the Parish Council.
- Doctor Ellingham. - Yes.
Apologies if I look a little flustered.
I've just been attacked by some birds.
- Oh, my. - It was nothing.
Oh, sure! "Lose one eye, get another."
That must have been horrible.
Those awful things with their mean, little beaks
and lifeless, black eyes.
- I know! - Thankfully, Janice survived.
I know she's really looking forward to the parade as well.
I'm not really that bothered...
But, yes, very much so.
Janice, can you check on Mary, please?
Yes.
Is there any way we can get the event signed off by this evening?
This isn't about paperwork.
This is about the safety of the village
during the most dangerous time of the year.
Well, I'm not sure Christmas is that dangerous.
Oh, really?
Over-eating. People drinking too much alcohol.
Suppose there is a little bit of that, yeah.
Then there's injuries from putting up decorations,
injuries from taking them down, candles, fires, indigestion,
food poisoning, allergies, choking, slipping on snow, slipping on ice...
Have you ever seen a Christmas tree catch alight?
I don't know why people have them in their homes.
They're incendiary devices. And don't forget batteries,
which children seem to swallow all day long
during the Christmas holidays,
leaking corrosive acid into the stomach
and destroying its lining. They're quite lethal.
I did forget them! Thank you, doctor.
Yes, thank you, Martin (!)
You know, we've got a meeting now about the parade.
Why don't you come along and see that there's nothing to worry about?
- I suppose I could. - Great.
Martin, try and speak to James. Make sure he's OK.
Yes.
- Come along, we should get going. - Oh. Um...
So, if nobody wins, do we get to keep Toby?
I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it.
Chances are someone's guessed it correctly.
Maybe. Maybe not.
The plan is for people to start at the school
and make their way down here to the Christmas tree at The Platt.
- That's relatively straight-forward. - Yeah, yeah, well, it is.
- So, we all set, Louisa? - Not quite.
Apparently, we need permission from Portwenn Parish Council.
Erm, Agatha, you know Joe Penhale and Bert Large, don't you?
I am aware of them both, yes.
What safety procedures have you in play for the parade?
Well... they're just walking from up there to there, so...
I thought I'd use the 1986 Public Order Act as my framework.
Although, for me, the 1936 original was far more effective.
But then I'm just a police officer
with the lowest crime rate in Devon and Cornwall
five years running, so what do I know?
That's true.
High-vis jackets?
Please! I don't get out of bed in the morning
without a high-vis jacket on.
Have you got a health and safety protocol?
Er, no, not as such.
But then, you know, we-we only had a day and...
- Well, so what? - So what?!
Yes. So what! You know, the village needs this.
To be able to come together and celebrate as a community.
The benefits surely outweigh the risks.
Agatha, you're the only person that can make it happen.
Or not.
I suppose it's only a short walk.
Great. So we're OK for tonight?
Is that a turkey?
Er, excuse me, why have you got livestock next to a food truck?
It's unhygienic.
He's called Toby and he's not unhygienic, he's very clean.
- I gave him a bath this morning. - And we're just weighing him
to see if anyone's won the competition.
- What competition? - Well, guess its weight correctly
and it could end up on your table this Christmas.
Unfortunately, nobody got it right.
Here, have a go. On the house.
Oh, I don't know...
Nine pounds, 11 ounces.
That is amazing. How did you do that?
Wait, I won?!
I don't like birds, and definitely not that one.
He's not asking you to look after it.
It's for Christmas lunch.
Yeah, we'll get the butcher to deliver it later.
Or you could have the satisfaction of knowing you were correct
and leave it at that.
Mor, it is a turkey, it's Christmas. It's had a good, long life.
Not that long. Christmas turkeys are usually five months old.
Well, we've all learned something new today. So, the parade...
So, the butcher will kill it and chop it up for me?
Yeah. All part of the prize.
See what it's like when a community comes together.
He does seem like a healthy specimen.
Oh, my! Oh!
Mr Maitland, this is Doctor Ellingham.
I have your test results.
Can you please call me as soon as you get this? Thank you.
DOG BARKS James...
Can you ask your dog to be quiet, please?
James?
James?!
Downstairs, shoo!
Hello, James.
You're upset with me.
Mmm.
When I was your age, I'd wake up on Christmas morning...
..and at the end of my bed, every year,
was a stocking with an orange and a pencil set in it.
And I'd run down to my mother and father's room...
..but...
But what?
Excuse me.
Yes.
Right.
Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry, there's an emergency. I have to go.
Janice is downstairs if you need anything.
And we'll, erm... Er, we'll talk again. Well done.
Off, shoo, downstairs!
OK, Agatha, I need you to remain still, yeah?
Just try not to move.
Out of the way, coming through!
You can probably hear somebody barking at people. That's the doc.
Er, she's had a fall. She's got a cut on the back of her head.
I've tried to stem the blood, but I think she's concussed.
Well done. Anybody called an ambulance?
On its way, Doc.
- Do you know where you are? - Turkey.
I think she means the bird, Doc, not the country.
I won it from the food truck.
- Told you. - Yes, shush.
I never won anything before!
Keep still and stop talking.
Sorry, I hate to do this, but do we have the Parish go-ahead
for the parade?
- Oh, Louisa, really? Not now, come on. - Sorry.
What did that mean?
I'm pretty sure it was a yes.
You're just saying that cos you wanna be Santa Claus.
Yes, I am. Because you're right, Louisa.
We deserve this. All of us.
Do you really wanna tell James that this has been cancelled as well?
You're trying to emotionally manipulate me.
- Is it working? - Might be, yeah.
Because... technically, Agatha didn't say no...
- Everyone! The parade's still on. - Joe, no, that's not what I meant...
- Right, let's get to work. Come on! - OK, then.
Mor, what are you doing?
Oh, I-I thought I'd drive him to the butcher's myself.
Well, I-I can do that.
Yeah, erm...
I know it's silly, but I...
I just want a chance to say goodbye.
What, to the...?
Right, OK. I understand.
But, I mean, it is a... It's a turkey at Christmas.
Yeah, I know.
Just take it easy. Rest up.
Erm, avoid the bumpy roads. Keep it smooth.
Yes, Doc.
We know how to drive an ambulance.
Ellingham.
Doc, it's Leonard Maitland. You left a message?
Ah, Mr Maitland, yes. Your test results have come back.
It's bad news, isn't it?
To be honest, I've been having dizzy spells all day.
It's made working in the garage really tricky.
If you're feeling dizzy, you shouldn't be up and about.
Yeah, all right...
'I'll go and get a seat.'
Oh, oh...
Mr Maitland? What's happened?
Just fell over and took the shelf down with me and...
Oh, no.
Doc, I don't wanna panic here,
but there's a massive cut in my leg and a lot of blood.
I'll just try and patch myself up.
'Bleeding everywhere here.'
Right, put pressure on the wound and keep the leg raised.
I'll call an ambulance.
Er, I'm sure it'll be fine.
'Er, no. Your blood test showed that you're grossly anaemic.
'You can't afford to lose any more blood.'
It's not like as I could bleed to death, is it?
Ah, well, in a worst-case scenario, er, yes. In a few hours.
Then can you please get off the phone
and call me a bloody ambulance!
Yes!
I don't want you to go, but this is the only way.
And I just wanna say thank you.
I didn't think I was ready, but...
I hadn't actually finished yet, Toby.
It's fine.
Bye, then.
- No, no fireworks. - And no sky lanterns.
Hang on a minute! I can get a really good deal on those.
We don't wanna take anyone's attention away from the parade.
- Louisa, excuse me. - Martin, I'm in a meeting.
Yes, forgive me.
Sorry.
There's been an accident at Leonard Maitland's
and the only ambulance in the area is tied up with, erm...
er, whatshername, so I'm gonna have to drive up there myself.
- Oh, dear, that sounds serious. - Yes, it is.
Will you be back in time for the parade?
Erm, yes, I should be.
Er, but if I'm not... you'll tell James, will you?
It'll be fine. He's fine. Just go.
All OK with the butcher?
You're not gonna believe me. Toby escaped.
What?
Yeah, so I got to the butcher and then he just sprung out the cage
and flew away.
You're right, I don't believe you.
SCREAMING Is that Janice?
God.
Come on!
What is it?
Oh, that's really nice.
Nice?
Someone breaks in and leaves more birds for me
after the last lot almost blinded me?
It was a tiny scratch. On your hand.
Maybe you should speak to Joe.
I already have. But you know what the police are like.
They've always got more important things to do.
It's just that doves are a symbol, aren't they, of, er, of love?
So?
So maybe speak to Joe.
Uh, I just told you, I already have.
Is he feeling OK?
Mr Maitland?
Can you hear me?
Mr Maitland?
If you can hear me, I'm almost with you.
Argh!
I was just coming to find you. How's your day been?
- Terrible. - Really?
What, nothing special happened or...?
Oh, something special happened. That psycho struck again.
He left two more scary birds in the salon.
OK. What type of birds?
I don't know, doves or something.
Well, doves are nice.
Doves, pigeons, rats, bats - they're all the same.
When I find out who did this, they're dead.
Well, maybe if you just think about it...
I am thinking about it! I can't stop, it's driving me nuts.
Look, if you can't be bothered to find out who's stalking me,
then at least go and get rid of them!
Yeah. I promise. I'll-I'll sort it out.
Ho-ho-ho! What do you want for Christmas?
How far away is Leonard Maitland's house?
You do realise I'm Santa Claus, not the wonderful Joseph Penh...
It's about 20 minutes.
It's just Martin drove up there a few hours ago.
He's still not back and I can't get a hold of him.
Well, signal's terrible up there. The important thing...
Is not to worry. Yes, I know.
The important thing is that Leonard can't play Santa
because that's my job now.
And, yes, also not to worry.
You always were a fragile child.
I'm not one to be critical, but it was rather embarrassing.
Hypothermia.
Hmm?
Oh, I've been out in the cold for nearly two hours
and my body temperature's dropped.
And my pulse rate's decreased.
And my pupils are dilated.
My reflexes seem unaffected, though.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Can't you even say hello?
Erm.. You're not a person. You're a symptom.
That's a dreadful thing to say to your mother.
Hypothermia can lead to disorientation and hallucinations.
You always have an excuse for everything. It's rather tiresome.
Right now, my primary concern is to get the engine started
and the heat on again.
And if you don't manage that?
My core temperature could drop to a level
where it's unable to produce sufficient heat,
which ultimately would lead to my vital organs failing and then...
Death?
Yes.
How long do you have?
About an hour.
Maybe less.
That's not helpful.
Oh, Martin! What makes you think I'm here to help?
Do you think he'll be upset if you don't make it home?
Who?
James.
I will make it back.
You don't seem that upset about my passing.
And it's not as if you're a better parent to James.
That's not true.
He's already begun to resent you, Martin.
That's a disease that spreads.
One that I doubt even you know how to cure.
How old were you when you realised we didn't love you?
Look what Santa brought.
'Was it on one of those Christmas Day mornings,
'when you woke up and found us gone?
'You can't blame us, Martin.
'We were happy before you arrived.'
Hello?
We just wanted to enjoy one special day a year,
when we could be free from you.
Be quiet. You're not real.
Which, on the balance of things, is even more disturbing, isn't it?
What a clever boy.
Well, maybe not.
What are you doing?
My patient is anaemic. I have to make sure that he's safe.
You can't go out there. You've already tried and failed.
Then I'll try again.
And you'll freeze to death.
Now, sit back here and listen with Mother.
Just for the record... I forgive you.
- No, you don't. - Oh, shut up!
You ready to go to the parade?
Just fixing my beard.
Do I look OK?
I don't know. I suppose so.
I'm sorry. It's this whole stalker thing.
It's got me all anxious.
It's over, Janice.
You just have to trust me.
It's all over.
Right, I couldn't get you a partridge.
What I have got you is a pheasant, which is basically
the Rolls Royce of partridges.
Did you not get my message?
Yeah. No more birds to the salon. So I've, er, brought it here.
Just "no more birds".
Well, you've paid for them and you're not getting your money back.
Oh, my God.
You're my stalker.
What's wrong with you? Why would you want to torture me like this?
It was meant to be romantic.
What's romantic about being attacked by chickens?
Not chickens. Hens.
Three Cornish hens because no-one had any French ones.
And then two doves and then a pheasant.
Because, apparently, they're the Rolls Royce of partridges.
You know, like the song.
Well, then, why didn't you just tell me, then?
Because you were upset and...
..I didn't want to spoil this...
..this moment.
Oh.
I know we've tried and failed before, Janice, but...
..I love you.
Joe, I can't.
Oh. OK.
OK. That's fine.
I mean the beard. It has to go.
So...?
Yes!
Hello?
Martin, thank goodness. I was so worried.
'I crashed the car.'
Oh, my God. Are you OK?
Er, wait a minute.
- Hello? - 'I'm here, Martin.'
I think I have hypothermia.
My, er... my mother...
Oh, Martin, I know. I'm so sorry.
No, she came to visit me.
What? What do you mean? Like, as a ghost?
No, it was a symptom of hypothermia.
She said...
She said I was losing James.
She wasn't real, though.
I know. But it doesn't mean she wasn't right, though, does it?
Martin, where are you now?
Well, the car wouldn't start and my mother was being annoying,
so I was trying to find Leonard Maitland's house,
but I think I'm lost.
OK. You need to go back to the car, yeah, and I'll come and find you.
I'm not entirely sure where I am...
and I-I don't know where the car is.
'Martin? Martin, I can't hear you.'
I can see light.
No, no, no, that doesn't sound good. Don't go into the light, Martin.
I think it's Leonard Maitland's house.
All right, in that case, definitely go towards it
and I'll come collect you now.
No. He needs urgent medical attention.
That's why I'm here.
Martin, you were just in a crash and you said you had hypothermia.
I just need to warm up.
I'll be fine.
Really, you're sure?
Yeah. You can come and get me after the parade.
'Right, just, please, just stay in touch.'
Hold on!
Bloody hell, what happened to you? Come in.
You shouldn't be walking around.
I had to answer the door, didn't I?
Lie down there and elevate your leg.
You look awful, Doc.
My car came off the road.
I just need to warm up for a bit.
I would make you a hot drink, but...
feel free to help yourself.
Thank you.
I'm a bit worried about your blood loss, though.
Let me take your pulse.
Yeah, you don't have a radial pulse.
I'll set up a drip and get some fluids into you,
but first I'll have a look at that wound.
Sorry to drag you up here, Doc.
It's Christmas Eve. You should be with your family.
Stop talking.
It's bad, right?
Yes, you've, er, torn a varicose vein.
That's why you're bleeding so much.
Well, yeah, luckily, he's OK, but it could've been a lot worse.
Well, that's a relief.
And don't worry about Mary. I'm more than happy
to look after her while you're at the parade.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Oh, hello. I didn't realise you were here.
Sal dropped in for some of my eggnog.
- I don't know if the doctor told you? - He did.
Oh.
Sorry.
Why, what happened?
Oh, it's nothing. Thank you, Ruth.
Come on, James. It's almost time.
I'm going to see Santa.
Well, tell him I said hello.
Bye.
I don't want to pry...
I may have accidentally tried to kiss the doctor earlier.
Oh, Sally.
Well, there was mistletoe.
And he'd just helped me.
I had what I thought was a malignant lump in my throat
and it turned out to be gastroesophageal reflux disease.
Well, usually, a handshake or "thank you very much" will do.
And he also...
He said that my prolapsed disc was healed
and I don't need to wear my neck brace any more.
But I don't know. I just...
I can't seem to take it off.
Would you like me to do it?
Sorry.
Oh, er...
Oh-oh-oh, sorry...
I-I know it's stupid and it's sentimental,
but, erm...
..I will miss it.
It's a permanent symbol of a medical condition,
which means it's also a permanent link to a certain doctor
you may have feelings for.
It's not the neck brace you're giving up...
..it's Martin.
Do it.
- Good girl. - Yeah.
- I, no-no... - Stay still.
- I-I-I... Oh, oh... - There.
You're right, it's time.
Yeah.
So, you need to rest up.
No strenuous activity for at least two weeks.
- No more Santa, then. - No.
Have you worked out what this rash is yet?
Er, no, I haven't had the results back from your biopsy,
but I'm fairly certain that it's dermatitis herpetiformis.
Is it catching? No.
So there was no need to close the grotto down.
No, no, precautions were necessary.
Anyway, I think it was just a symptom of something bigger.
All indicators point towards coeliac disease,
which is a condition where your immune system
starts to attack your own tissue when you eat gluten.
It would certainly explain your low blood iron
and your stomach issues and your weight loss.
And your stronger than normal reaction to wheat-based alcohol.
My body's attacking itself? Bloody heck, that sounds serious.
Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you change your diet,
you run the risk of malabsorption and malnutrition.
It can be very serious. I'll run some tests.
Urgent tests?
Not this minute, no.
Great, so I can drive you back to the village now,
seeing as I'm not contagious.
Ah, no, that won't be necessary.
Louisa's coming to collect me after the parade.
After the parade?
Doc, it's Christmas Eve.
I'm more than grateful, you risking yourself,
coming up here and stitching me up, but you should be with your family.
Yes, now I appreciate that, but I need to be thorough.
Doc...
I hate Christmas. I always have.
What do you mean?
See, my wife loved it.
I was only ever Santa to please her.
And to be honest, I still couldn't stand it.
I'd moan, complain, you know how it is.
Then, five years ago, she died. December the 23rd, without warning.
Yes, I remember, it was very sad.
After that, putting on the beard, the suit,
becoming someone else for a while, well, it was an escape.
And once I stopped fighting it, I started to get it.
Making toys for the kids, giving folk some happy memories...
it's... it's a privilege, Doc. An honour.
I just wish I'd understood that when she was still alive.
Yes, well, erm... I'm sorry, you'll have to wait until next year now.
And is that your plan?
Wait until next year
and MAYBE celebrate Christmas with your family then?
I had an emergency to attend to.
And now the emergency's over.
Er, yeah, well, even if I...
Even if I... I mean, it's just... It'll be just too late now.
It wouldn't be too late if you left right now.
I still have to run those tests on you.
The tests can wait.
You're avoiding your family
because you don't want to ruin things for them.
Do you wanna know what the true magic of Christmas is?
It's being exactly who you are,
but, still, your family want you around,
even if you are an irritating bugger.
That truly is a miracle.
And sometimes we don't know how lucky we are until it's too late.
The only way you can ruin their Christmas is by not being there.
Yes, I see what you mean.
Great. Now, it's gonna be cold out there,
so we'll need to wrap up.
You're not coming. You need to recuperate and rest that leg.
Doc, it's Christmas Eve. I have plans.
- Absolutely not. - I'm the one with the wheels.
Either we go together, or we don't go at all.
Here we go. I've got some spares.
As I was saying, it'll be cold,
on account of there being no windscreen.
What?
Maybe better I just show you, Doc.
Really?!
Mind out, it's Santa coming through. It's Santa coming through.
Attention, please.
Attention, everyone. The parade is about to begin.
But before we begin, I'd like to make a little speech.
- This is boring! - I'm cold.
Ten years ago...
Santa? Maybe we could just, you know, begin?
Well, we'll begin when Santa says so.
All those in favour of starting the parade, say aye!
AYE!
OK, everybody behind me, stay in formation!
What about Daddy?
Yeah, he said he really wanted to be here, but...
Don't worry about Daddy, little man. Santa's here now.
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, everyone!
- Ho-ho-ho! - What the...?
Sit down! Your leg! You'll burst the stitches.
Keep your eyes on the road.
Merry Christmas, everybody!
- Presents for everyone! - Martin?!
Hello.
Merry Christmas! Ho-ho-ho!
- Merry Christmas! - Put your seatbelt on.
- Come on, Doc! - All right.
All together now! Ho-ho-ho!
♪ Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-horse open sleigh, hey!
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one-horse... ♪
Told you I'd show you the magic of Christmas, didn't I?
Er, yes. Yes, you did, yes. But take it easy. Stay here.
- Best seat in the house, Doc. - Yeah.
- Mummy! - Did you enjoy that? Did you?
- Well, that was quite an entrance. - I wanted to be here on time.
Daddy!
- Did you enjoy that? - Yes!
There we go, my love, you take care now.
I thought I said no sky lanterns.
During the parade, yes. But the parade's over now.
Oh, come on. It's Christmas, everybody's enjoying themselves.
No means no!
You know what, you're a great Santa.
- Really? - Best we've ever had.
Well, I suppose you have already given them out, haven't you?
- So... - Here, go on. On the house.
Thanks. Merry Christmas, Bert.
And Merry Christmas to you, too.
OK. I believe you. The turkey escaped.
- I let it go. - Oh, I knew it, Mor. I knew it.
I'm sorry.
I think I was just feeling a bit broody and hormonal.
Right, yeah.
You know, because of the baby.
What, the... the baby turkey?
- No. - What, er...?
I was gonna wait till Christmas Day to tell you, but, erm...
surprise!
Baby.
- Yeah, a baby... - What?
- Our baby. - Oh, Mor! Mor!
We're getting married. Again.
- Congratulations, again! - Can I tell 'em?
- We're having a baby! - Oh, it's not a competition, Al.
- Well... - Congratulations!
Here, take this.
You know, some people, when they light these lanterns,
they like to dedicate them to people.
Absent friends or family... or maybe someone they've lost.
I'm not sure if my mother would appreciate a lantern.
It's not for her, Martin.
Thank you.
I love you.
I love you, too, Martin.
Hang on!
That one, where's it going?
Is that your lantern burning up?
Yeah, it looks like it's falling.
As long as the wind doesn't catch it and it lands in the sea.
I think it's coming this way.
Oh, that's bad. Oh, dear.
Erm, sorry. Sorry, everybody, but I, er...
James!
Martin! James! James, come here.
Where's Penhale? Penhale, call the fire brigade!
Everybody, stand back. Stand back!
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