When didyou start cooking, Terri?
Oh, it's just hamburger casserole.
Look out for bones.
I'm sorry. I, uh- [ Laughing ]
I can't hold it in any longer. Um-
Mom, Dad...
- Terri's pregnant. - What?
- It's a boy. - [Mother] Oh!
Our first grandbaby! [ Laughing ]
- Oh, that's fantastic, - Thankyou.
- Yeah. Sweetheart? Honey. - Yeah?
I thought we weren't gonna tell anybodyyet.
Your secret is safe with me. I spent six months in the Hanoi Hilton.
- Never said a word. Am I right, Doodle? - That's right, honey.
- [ All Chuckling ] - Oh.
Yeah, we're gonna turn the craft room into the nursery.
- Oh! Show me! - Okay.
[ Father Chuckles ]
[ Exhales ]
I'm really happy foryou, Son.
Tell you the truth, I'm terrified.
I... don't know how to do this.
No one does. Look at me. I was a mess.
I worked all the time, traveling. I was too strict.
Okay, you're not instilling me with a great deal of confidence here, Dad.
[ Sighs ]
I mean, I'm already up all night thinkin' about this.
That's myfault- uh, the confidence thing.
Boys learn that from theirfathers.
I started atZuckerman and Zuckerman in college. I needed some extra cash.
I was saving up... for law school.
But I neverwent. I... never even applied.
Didn't have the balls.
So I settled for insurance. I mean, who was I to become a lawyer?
You would've been a great one. You're the smartest guy I know.
It's not about brains, Son.
Being a good father- Hell, being a man is all about one thing.
Guts.
And you've got about six months to figure out ifyou have any.
[ Exhales ]
- ??[Piano] - Five, six, seven, eight,
And hit, hit, Down, Hit,
- Uh, c-could we stop, please? - ?? [ Stops ]
You don't have to ask every time for permission to go to the bathroom, Rachel.
- You can just go. - It's not my bladder.
- It's the choreography. - Okay, what's wrong with the choreography?
- It sucks. - It's completely unoriginal.
Aren'tyou guys gonna get shunned for talking to me?
Sweetie, we're a team now.
Butyou gotta do something about Mr. Schue's dance routines.
We can't compete with Vocal Adrenaline with these steps.
You're a great vocal coach, Mr. Schue...
but,,,you're not a,,, trainedchoreographer,
That's what we need to be the best.
We need Dakota Stanley.
He's the best show choir choreographer in the Midwest. He works with Vocal Adrenaline.
You can't take regionals without him.
He was the understudy to the candelabra in Beautyand the Beast,,,
on Broadway.
Just because he understudied doesn't mean he ever performed.
Didyou everperform, Mr, Schuester?
After high school. Did you even try?
[ Will] I wanted to, That was my dream,you know?
- I-I just never had- - The guts?
They say it takes more certainty than talent to be a star.
I mean, look at, um- look at John Stamos.
I don't know. I guess I'm... also just nervous about being a dad.
I want my kid to be proud of me. I want to set a good example, you know?
[ Stammering ] I hope it's cool, me unloading on you like this.
- I-I-I don't want there to be any awkwardness. - Oh, no. No. None at all.
I mean, especially since we're- we're both in relationships now, both of us.
- Right. - I'm in a relationship. You're in a relationship.
- Exactly. Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
- H-How's it goin' with Ken? - Great. It's great. It's wonderful.
I mean, you know, he's flawed, but he- he knows who he is, and that's- that's great...
and there really is nothing sexier in a man than- than confidence, you know?
- Huh? - Huh.
- [School Bell Rings ] - Sandy. I thoughtyou weren't allowed on campus.
No, William. I'm not allowed within 50 feet of children.
Besides, Henri and I go way back.
I got him a job before we even had a shop class.
Uh, I told Figgins thatyou are going to have a school full of nancys...
unless you get some hot wood in those teenagers' hands.
- [Ken ] Here comes Henri, - Oh, shoot.
Terri was supposed to bring a cake,
[ Exhales ] I'm back.
[ Whirring ]
[ Will Narrating] Henri had a little problem with over-the-counter cough medicine,
[ Blade Cuts Flesh ]
He ended up cutting offhis thumbs, It was a real tragedy,
[ Exhales ] I ' I l never hitchhi ke across Europe.
That was a dream, man.
[ Mouths Word ]
- Where's Terri? - Doing inventory.
I can't count higher than 30.
[Fork Clatters ]
You know, this is nice.
Can't remember the last time I just hung out with the guys...
really talked about our feelings.
Wanna know what I'm feeling? I live at theYMCA. I only have one pair oflong pants.
Oh, please. My life is a disaster with no creative outlet-
other than writing my Desperate Housewives fan fiction.
I'm afraid of myvacuum.
I know how you guys feel. I apparently don't know how to dance.
I don't have thumbs.
Uh-
Sorry.
- [Henri Cry.ing] - ? For he's a jolly good fellow ?
[ All ] ? For he's the jolly good fellow ?
[ Harmonixing ] ? For he's the jolly good fellow ?
♪That nobody can deny ♪♪
- [ Sniffles ] - Hey. That was pretty good.
♪This is how we do it ♪
- ?? [Men Vocalizing] - [Will Narrating] Two weeks ago,,,
I would have agreed that four grown men,,,
rehearsing a cappella hip-hop in my living room was embarrassing,
But bustin ' out some white-hot newjack swing-
I'll tellyou, I've never felt more confident,
[ Man ]? This is how we do it It's Friday night ?
- Henri thought we should call our group- - Crescendudes.
- while Ken thought- - T estostertones.
was more manly, and then we heard a single word leap Howard's lips,,,
and we knew we had our name,
Acafel las.
♪ Yo, we made it so good♪♪
I 'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMi I le.
Sandy, we voted.
When you're in the group, it's creepy.
Wai- I-
[ Exhales ]
- ?This is how we do it ? - ?? [Men Vocalizing]
- ? This is how we do it?? - Will!
If I don't get some sleep, I could miscarry.
I'm sorry, Ter. Um- I'll be right in?
I hope so.
[Will Narrating] Being in a boyband did wonders for ourlove life,
Seeing me feelso goodabout myself,,,
made my wife more attracted to me in every. way,
- [ Exhales ] - It was amazing, I mean,,,
we started doin' it once a week,
It was like she was try.in' to make a twin,
[ Groans ]
- ?? [ Piano ] - [ School Bell Rings ]
- He's not coming. - What happened?
They're my famous sugar cookies.
I bake them for the poor during Christmastime...
but I whipped up a special batch just foryou.
I wanted to say how sorry I was forwhat I said.
[ Chuckles ] Don't be. You were right.
You know, the truth is, Rachel, ifyou weren't so hard on me...
I neverwould have had the guts to start Acafellas.
But-We need you, Mr. Schue.
You've missedsix rehearsals in the past couple ofweeks,,,
and when you're there, you're not really there.
- Which is why I thinkyou should go ahead and hire Montana. - Dakota.
Whatever. [ Inhales ]
You know, I'llstillbe there,,,
to helpyou guys sing and stuff...
but, uh, I just don't have time for all of it anymore.
Of course he doesn't want anything to do with us afteryou kicked him in the 'nads!
Then why did he thank me?
The goal is to win, andnow that Mr, Schuester,,,
has agreed to let us hire Dakota Stanley, we can.
But he doesn't want us to. He just doesn't have the confidence to coach us anymore.
-Guys are real sensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff. -And that's my fault?
You see anyone else in here with a plate of "I'm sorry" cookies? I don't.Justyou.
I'm bored.
All those in favor ofhiring Dakota Stanley-
[School Bell Rings ]
Hey, wait up. Y-You can't do this to Mr. Schuester.
What? Make him a hero?
Once we hire Dakota and win nationals, he'll thank me for it.
- You heard Santana. It's all about winning. - Since when?
Look, you haveyour popular clique and your football...
and your cliche ofa blonde girlfriend.
Glee is my one shot. Ifthis doesn'twork out...
then mywhole high school life will be nothing but an embarrassment.
Wh-What's a "cliche"? Is that a bad thing? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Is this one ofthose chick things whereyou're pissed about one thing...
butyou'rejust pretending like you're pissed about something else 'cause-
I don't knowwhatyou're talking about.
Well, for a while there, you were kind ofall over me...
and nowyou justyell at me all the time.
Makes me thinkyou're still upset aboutwhat happened in the auditorium.
I'm not. I've moved on and I'm focusing on my career now.
- D-Doyou wanna talk about it? - No.
And neither doyou. It's kind ofironic howyou're Mr. Popular...
and I'm just this nobody that everybody makes fun of.
But I have enough confidence to say out loud...
that what happened between us in the auditorium was real.
You have feelings for me and you just don't have the guts to admit it.
We're hiring Dakota Stanley.
Even ifit means me quitting?
Yes.
It's a good start. You're sowing the seeds of destruction.
- Mr. Schuester barely even shows up for rehearsals. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
"Barely" will not cut it. I will not be satisfied until Glee Club is disbanded.
And what about this Dakota character? Any chance he actually helps?
They're soft. He'll eat them alive.
I give them 1 5 minutes before the first one quits or tries to commit suicide.
You know, ladies- [ Exhales ]
Iearned a lot in Special Forces.
I was on the strike team in Panama when we extracted Noriega.
We took out the shepherd...
then we went after the sheep.
You need to go after these Glee Clubbers one by one.
I want my full budget restored.
I need a fog machine.
[School Bell Rings ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Indistinct ]
- Have you ever kissed anybody? - Yes...
ifby "someone" you mean the tender crook of my elbow.
[ Sprays ]
No, I haven't.
But I want to.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Okay. Stop it right there, Mercedes. We are in Glee Club.
That means we are at the bottom ofthe social heap.
Special Ed kids will get more play than we will.
The only thing that gets me by is my knowledge that we are superior to all ofthem.
What areyou wearing on our Operation Dakota Stanley field trip?
- Is there a dress code? - No, but every moment ofyour life...
is an opportunity for fashion.
We'll hit the mall after school. Meet me at lunch.
Okay.
You should totally scoop that.
[ Chuckles ] I don't think I'm his type.
Oh, I thinkyou are.
Just follow our lead. We've gotyour back.
- ?? [ Beat-boxing ] - ?? [ All Vocalixing ]
Poison! Yeah, Spider-Man and Freexe in full effect.
- You ready, Ken? - I'm ready.
- You ready, Henri? - I'm ready, Will.
- Are you? - Oh, yeah. Break it down.
- ?Yeah ? - ? Girl, I must ?
- ?Warn you ? - ? I sense something strange in my mind ?
?? [ Vocalixing ]
- ?The situation is ? - ?Serious ?
♪ Let's cure it 'cause we're running out oftime ♪
?? [Vocalixing ]
♪Can't get her out ofmy head ♪
- ? Miss her, kiss her, love her? - ?Wrong move, you're dead ?
- ?That girl is ? - ? Poison ?
- ?Whoa, whoa, oh, oh ? - ? Never trust a big butt and a smile ?
- ?That girl is ? - ? Poison ?
[ Rapping ] ? Poison, deadly, movin' it slow ?
♪ Lookin' for a mellow fellow like DeVoe ♪
♪ Gettin' paid, laid, so better lay low ♪
♪ Schemin' on the hots My end, the pro show ♪
♪ Low pro ho should be cut like an Afro ♪
♪ See whatyou're sayin', huh She weighin' you but I know she's a loser ♪
- ? How doyou know ? - ? Me and the crew used to do her ??
[Applause, Cheering]
Yea, Ken! Ken Tanaka!
[Will Narrating] In my own little way, I felt like I was finally,,,
a star,
Thank you so much.
- [ Chuckles ] - Acafellas!
- Hey, guys. - Hey, Son!
This is huge! We just sold all 1 7 copies ofyour CD.
I didn't even have to show any ofthem my bosoms.
You know, honey? Go getyourself a Sanka.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Thanks, Mom. Good job.
[ Will Chuckles ]
I bought one for my grandson...
so he can hear for himself how good his old man was.
- Ah. [ Chuckles ] - Schue!
That was an amaxing performance!
Oh, thankyou. I mean- You know, we're just starting out, so-
Look, there's a P.T.A. meeting next Thursday night...
and I want Acafellas to be the main event.
I need those parents happy!
They found out we've been serving the children prison food.
Great job, Son.
- [Ken ] Well? - "Is it too soon to call Will Schuester...
"the next Michael Buble?
"The audience last Thursday at Benchwarmers Sports Bar didn't think so.
"And Ken Tanaka's smokybaritone,,,
"is like a cool fog that sweeps over a deep ocean of emotional intensity.
"A big thumbs-up to Henri St. Pierre...
"who provesyou don't needall 10 fingers to pluck a lady's heartstrings,,,
"like a well-tuned, sexy harpsichord,
Only Howard"-
Um, sorry., Howard, They didn't say anyhing aboutyou,
"Buckle up, Ohio, Are you ready for a new musical sensation?
You'd better be, because here come the Acafel las."
- Yes! - [ Chuckling ]
Oh, congratulations on your dead-tree valentine, gentlemen.
By the way, I want in.
Stop right there, William.
I've got two words foryou.
Josh Groban.
- He's coming to the P.T.A. event. - Who is Josh Groban?
Who is Josh Groban? Kill yourself!.
He is an angel sent from heaven...
to deliver platinum records unto us.
And ifhe were here right now, I would clubyou to death with his Critics' Choice Award.
- Whywouldhe come to ourshow? - Because I invited him.
Josh and I have become frequent pen pals...
since he accidentally friended me on MySpace.
Andbeing myclose personal confidant,,,
he is only interested if I am in the group.
No, Sandy.
We have standards.
Okay. Fine.
But just so you know, the blogs are all atwitter.
They say he's looking for an opening act.
Damn, Kurt. This car is fly.
My dad got it for my Sweet 1 6...
after I swore to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee.
What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him.
- [ Alarm Chirps ] - Are we even sure they're rehearsing today?
Vocal Adrenaline rehearses every day from 2:30 until midnight.
I'mjustso nervous these VocalAdrenaline kids are gonna laugh at us,
They're so cool and popular...
and we look like we just stepped off the short bus.
Those sweaty Naxis have just had more time to practice. We have more heart.
And you don't look touched in the head. That outfit is amaxing.
So wouldyou ever-you know, wanna hang out?
[Kurt] Come over, It's Liza Minnelli week on AMC,
Guys, that's Andrea Cohen. She won outstanding soloist...
- last year in "Absolutely Tampastic." - [ Retching ]
You can't leave rehearsals for any reason.
That includes heat exhaustion or Crohn's disease,
Are you guys Vocal Adrenaline? We'd like to talk to Dakota Stanley...
about choreographing for our Glee Club.
Don't!
He's a monster.
- ?? [Dance ] - ? Hit the beat, take it to the verse now ?
♪Yeah, yeah, yeah I loveyou, you, you ♪
♪ But I gotta stay true Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ My morals got me on my knees I'm beggin' please ♪
♪ Stop playin' games ♪
♪ I don't know whatyou do butyou do it well ♪
- [ Men ] ? I'm underyour spell ? - ? I've gotyou under my spell ?
- ?You got me begging you for mercy ? - ?Yeah, yeah, yeah ?
- ?Whywon'tyou release me ? - ?Yeah, yeah, yeah ?
♪Yes, I'm begging you for mercy ♪
- ?Whywon'tyou release me ? - ? Mercy ?
♪ I said release ♪
- ? Me ? - ?Yeah, yeah, yeah ?
- ?You got me begging you for mercy ? - ?Yeah, yeah ?
- ?Whywon'tyou release me ? - ?Yeah, yeah ?
♪ Give me some mercy ♪
♪ I said release ♪
- ? Me ? - ?Yeah, yeah, yeah ??
Get offmy stage!
[Rachel] Mr, Stanley, we're the McKinleyHigh Glee Club!
- No interviews! - We'd like you to choreograph for us.
Look, my fee is $8,000 per number, plus a $1 0,000 bonus ifyou place in the top three.
And with Dakota Stanley at the wheel, you will place at the top three. Move it.
[ Tires Screeching ]
How are we gonna get $8,000?
- [School Bell Rings ] - [ Will ] Kick that way, and back.
- And kick out- - Hold on.
- Okay. One more. Let me- - Okay.
- Kick out- - Kick-
- Right behind you. It's all right. - [ Sighs ]
- Hey, where is everybody? - [ Cell Phone Rings ]
Uh, Sandywent to get Henri from wood shop, and- Oh. There's Howard.
- Hello? - I don't think I can be in the band anymore.
- What? - Like doing inventory...
it was never my dream.
[ Exhales, Chuckles ] Howard's out.
Oh, that- That's just great. What's he-
Hey, Emma.
You didn't, uh, see me dancin' earlier, did you?
Oh, is that what that was?
- Look, I have some bad news. - You're breakin' up with me.
- What, here, in front of another dude? - No. Please stop talking.
Um, no. Look, I think the Acafellas pressure...
has proven to be a little too much for Henri.
- Really? Why? - Well, he just downed six bottles of cough syrup...
which is a lot, even for him.
Um, he's okay. Sandy's in the emergency room with him now...
but Figgins is insisting before he comes back- and can be around kids again-
that he goes to rehab, so that's where he's going tomorrow morning.
That's just great. So Acafellas is officially doomed now.
Doyou know, uh- When I get stressed, I- I work out.
You can probably tell. So I'm gonna, uh...
down some PowerBars, knock off a few reps, come up with some solutions here.
It was fun while it lasted.
I don't thinkyou should give up so easy, Will.
You know, they said Van Halen was dead after David Lee Roth quit...
but myworn-out single of"Right Now" says that theywere wrong.
- [Knocking] - You got a sec, Mr. Schue?
- Yeah, of course. What's up? - I just wanted to tell you that I'm quitting Glee too.
Uh- I didn't quit Glee.
Well, you might as well have. It's nutty in there.
I try and talk sense into Rachel, but she's gone all chick batty.
I've gotta be honest with you.
It's hard bein' the quarterback when I get in the huddle...
and all the guys are calling me Deep Throat.
Glee's bringing down my rep, man.
[ Exhales ] Have the guts to stick with it a little bit longer.
You are a gifted performer, Finn.
You can't quit now. Ifyou do, you're just gonna regret it for the rest ofyour life.
Trust me. I know.
It's just not fun anymore.
[ Exhales ]
Hey, Finn. Wait.
There's something I wanna talk toyou about.
[ Exhales ]
- Hey, Coach. - What doyou want, Puckerman?
I hear there's a vacancy in your a capella group.
- I wanna offer my services. - ?? [Spanish Guitar]
I play guitar, and actually, I'm a really good singer.
There are a lot of moms atyour gigs, right?
[Puck Narrating] Well, here's the thing you should know about me,
I'm not like every.body else in this crappy cow town, I've got starpotential,,,
and more specifically, I'm tired ofwasting my time with high school girls,
You're breaki ng up with me. Why?
Your credit score is terrible.
What I need, as a woman, is financial security.
See,young girls willshootyou down and makeyou feel terrible aboutyourself,
But a cougar,,, never disappoints,
- ?? [ Man Singing In Spanish ] - Thanks, Mrs. H.
- I s that a ni pple ri ng? - Yeah. I 'm kind of rock and roll.
I need your help unclogging my bathtub drain.
?? [ Continues ]
The proofwas in a sexualpudding,
Myabovegroundpool cleaning business went through the roof,,,
once I embraced my gift for music,,,
and gave these fine ladies the romance they were missing,
I also stopped beatin 'people up so much,
- ?? [ Ends ] - When do we start rehearsals?
Now you I isten to me, you little psychopath.
My love life is hanging by a thread, and that thread is Acafellas.
It drives my girlfriend nuts in the pants.
So ifyou screw this up for me, I swear toyou...
I will stick my fist so far down your throat...
you will taste my armpit hairs!
Do I make myself clear? Good.
We rehearse Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8:00.
Don't be late.
- ?? [ Fast Tempo ] - [Will, Indistinct]
Okay, Come on,
- ?? [ Stops ] - [ Clattering]
Dude, mybowels have better moves thanyou,
Guys, stop. You guys got the steps down.
You just... need to relax, okay?
Um- You guys play baseball, right?
What does your coach tell you about hitting?
- You charge the pitcher, bring the bat. - Okay. Um-
I'm sure he also tells you to relax, right?
'Cause hitting's all about the hips, right? Gotta loosen 'em up.
Just swing that bat. All right.
Pretend- Acafellas, Madison Square Garden.
Here we are. All those beautiful ladies out there.
Swing that big ol' bat. Bam!
Hit some home runs. All right, guys? All right.
Let's try from the top, okay?
[ Clears Throat ] Here we go.
?? [ Fast Tempo ]
Five, six, seven, eight.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, get those hips into it.
Ha-ha! That's it! That's it. All right!
- Uh! - [ Laughing ]
- That baseball thing surewas good, Mr. Schue. Totally. - It was awesome,
[School Bell Rings ]
We need to have a gayvention. That's a gay intervention.
It's K-Kurt, He's ladyfabulous,
[ Rachel ] It's obvious you like him.
We just don't want you to get hurt by feelings he can't... reciprocate.
Look, just because he wears nice clothes...
doesn't mean he's on the down low.
He wore a corset to second period today.
You can do better, Mercedes,
Really? Well, what if I can't? You know, there's not a lot of guys around here...
knocking down my door for a date.
Oryours, for that matter.
Nobody notices us. Hello? We're in Glee Club.
And I'm tired ofbeing lonely. Aren'tyou?
But Kurt- Kurt is sweet to me...
and he likes who I am and I like how I feel when I'm with him.
And he's in our group. He understands what I'm going through.
Now maybe that's not enough foryou guys, but it's enough for me.
You know what, Sue? I gotta sayl reallymisjudgedyou,
Getting the Cheerios to help out with the Glee Club choreographer fund-raiser...
is one ofthe nicest things I've everseen,
Well, Erma, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this Glee Club successful.
- [Man ] Come on! - Oh. Oh, excited.
[ Chuckles ] Oh, I love a carwash too, you know.
When I was little, ifl got all A's, my dad would let me wash his car...
so I'd get my little toothbrush out, and I'd clean it all weekend long-
You know, the wayyou useyour mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring.
I'm shocked you're not married.
[ Exhales ] Your rims are clean.
We polished them, like, three times already.
Did you bring a change of clothes...
because we're going straight to the sing-along SoundofMusic,
So, listen, Kurt, this is, like, the third time we've gone out.
- Can't we just make it official? - Make what official?
You know, that we're dating.
I'm sorry, Mercedes, but I thought I made it very clear.
I'm in love with someone else.
Rachel?
Yes. For several years now.
?? [R & B]
♪ I bust the windows outyour car ♪
♪ And no, it didn't mend my broken heart ♪
♪ I'll probably always have these ugly scars ♪
♪ But right now I don't care about that part ♪
♪ I bust the windows outyour car, hey ♪
♪ Afterlsawyou looking right at her♪
♪ I didn't wanna, but I took my turn ♪
♪ I'm glad I did it ♪
♪ 'Causeyou had to learn ♪
♪ I must admit it helped a little bit ♪
♪To think ofhowyou felt when you saw it ♪
♪ I didn't know that I had that much strength ♪
♪ But I'm glad you see what happens when ♪
♪ Hah, hah, hah, hah ♪
♪ I bust thewindows outyour car ♪
♪You know I did it 'cause I left my mark♪
♪Wrote my initials with a crowbar ♪
♪ And then I drove offinto the dark♪
♪ I bust thewindows outyour car, hey ♪
♪You should feel lucky that that's all I did ♪
- ? Afterfivewholeyears ofthis bull ? - Shh-
♪ Gaveyou all ofme and you played with it ♪
♪ I bust thewindows outyour car ♪♪
You bustedmywindow, How couldyou do that? You bustedmywindow!
Well, you busted my heart. Hmm!
Okay. Please examine your personalixed menus.
This is what you're gonna be eating for the next six months.
- Um, mine just says "coffee." - Mm-hmm.
- What's "smelt"? - A pungent, low carb freshwater fish.
Okay, let's start with today's business, Artie,you're cut, You're not try.ing hard enough,
- At what? - At walking.
Can't be wheelingyou around during every. number,
Throws off the whole dynamic, and it's depressing.
- So you're kicking him out? - Mm-hmm.
Also you. You's gotta go, F.A. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah.
You can't kickpeople out ofGlee Club becauseyou don't like the waytheylook,
Uh, why don't you shut your face gash and stay away from aerosol cans...
because you could burst into flames at any second.
You three. You're great. You're perfect. Seriously, don't change a thing.
Uh,you- Uh, Nosejob,
- Now just hold on a second- - What? What was that, Frankenteen?
Why don't you, uh, wipe that dopey look offyour face...
and get some lotion for those knuckles you've been draggin' on the ground?
- What's wrong with you? - What's wrong with me?
What's wrong with me is thatyou're freakishly tall! I feel like a woodland creature!
Am I hurting your feelings? Did I say something wrong?
Because I thoughtyou wanted somebody who respected you enough to tell you the truth.
But maybeyou don't have the confidence to hearit, Hmm?
Maybe you need somebody who's going to lie to you...
and tellyou things like, "You got what it takes, "
But you know what? As far as I can see, you don't.
So, why don'tyoujust take a little second, take a breather,,,
and ask yourself, " Do I wanna be a winner"-
[ Chuckles ] "or not?"
Screw this. I quit.
- Me t-t-too, - Let's roll, Artie.
No. Great. Great! Separate the wheat from the chaff. That's perfect!
Wait.
Barbra Streisand.
When Barbra was a young ingenue, everyone told her...
in order to be a star, she'd have to get a nose job.
- Thankfully, she refused. - Where's this going, Yentl?
Where it's going is that...
we don't need you.
Let's face it. We're never gonna be as good of dancers as Vocal Adrenaline.
We're gonna win because... we're different.
And that's what makes us special,
They told J.Lo her bootywas too big.
Curtis Mayfield was more successful after he became paralyxed.
-J im Abbott. - I have no idea who that is.
He was a one-armed pitcher for the Yankees. Pitched a no-hitter.
Okay, so- Um, misfits andspaz-heads and cripples can make it too,
That's great. What's your point?
Our point is that...
you're fired.
And I'm taller than you.
[ Sighs ] Uh- Barely.
Wait. We have to wear mascara?
Sandy says it makes our eyes pop.
[ Exhales ] Okay.
- Okay. - There's a lot of moms out there, right?
Guys, don't worry.about it,
Just get in the xone, all right? This is gonna be fun.
Believe me. You're gonna remember this night for the rest ofyour lives.
- Mr. Schue? - I know. You're nervous.
No, that isn't what I wanted to tell you.
It's just... thanks... for believing in me.
He's here! He's here!Josh Groban is here,
Front row, big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit. I barfed.
- He actually showed up? I can't believe it. - Gentlemen.
Forget every experience you have ever had in your drab little lives.
This is the most important thing you will ever do.
Places!
- [ Sandy Rapping ] Ah, ticktock, you don't stop. - Stop.
- To the ah, ticktock, you don't stop. - Stop.
- To the ah, ticktock, you don't stop. - ?? [ Vocalixing ]
- To the ah, ticktock- - I know you're not gonna sing that song.
- ?? [ Vocalixing ] - To the ah, ticktock, you don't stop.
- ?? [ Vocalixing ]
- ? To the ah, ticktock? - I knowyou're not gonna sing that song,
♪ Come inside, take offyour coat ♪
♪ I'll make you feel at home ♪
♪ Now let's poura glass ofwine ♪
♪ 'Cause now we're all alone ♪
♪ I've been waiting all night ♪
♪ So just let me hold you close to me ♪
♪ 'Cause I've been dyin' foryou, girl ♪
♪To make love to me ♪
- ??[All Vocalizing] - ? I wanna sexyou up ?
- ?? [ Vocalixing ] - To the ah, ticktock, you don't stop.
To the ah, ticktock, you don't stop.
♪ Let me take off all your clothes ♪
♪ Disconnect the phone so nobody knows, yeah ♪
♪ Let me light a candle so that we can make it better ♪
♪ Makin' love until we drown, yeah ♪
- ?? [ Vocalizing] - ? Girl, you make me feel real good ?
- ?? [ Vocalixing ] - ?We can do it till we both wake up ?
- ?? [ Vocalixing ] - ? Girl, you know I'm hooked on you ?
- ?? [ Vocalixing ] - ? And this is what I'll do ?
♪ I wannasexyou up♪♪
- [Man ] Yeah! - [Applause, Cheering]
I would like to just go into the recording studio and lay some ofthose tracks down.
Andofcourse I would love to playsome bigger venues- WembleyStadium, Red Rocks,
- [ Gasps ] - Hey, guys.
I'm Josh Groban. This is my bodyguard, Flex.
We were in town, I was inducting Run-D,M, C, into the Rock and Roll Hall ofFame last night,,,
so I thought I'dstop by andsay hello,
- So which one ofyou is, uh, Sandy? - Ooh! [ Laughs ]
Mr. Groban, we are so honored that you came here today.
- I came here to tell you- - Yes, sir.
Stop e-mailing me.
This is a restraining order. Stop sending me nude photos. Stop calling me!
I don't knowhowyou got mynumber, howyou got mynumberagain afterl changed it,,,
but I don't want anymore of your edible gift baskets or locks ofyour hair,
And I don't wanna read any more ofthose sonnets you wrote for me,
- That stuff got craxy, dude. - [ Groban ]Are we clear?
- Mm m. - Thank you, gentlemen.
And, by the way, great show,
I mean, like- [ Imitates Explosion ] explosive,
Thanks. Sorry.
[ T erri ] I 'm sorry, Will.
I- I could have been more supportive.
You guys are actually pretty good.
Honey, you were good.
You were really good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Whispers ] Come here.
Don't bother, She's alreadypregnant,
- [ Both Laughing ] - Hey, kids. Have you seen Doodle?
Now, you might be thinking, whywould a pop star like me come over here and talk to you?
But let me tell you something. Throngs ofscreaming teenagers don't do it forJosh Groban.
No.Josh Groban loves a blowsy alcoholic.
- [ Burps ] - Oh. Wow.
You'll have to forgive me. I'm a little bit drunk...
and I'm afraid I'm not making good choices right now.
Maybe she slipped and hit her head again.
You guys kicked some serious tail up there tonight.
- Sorry about the wholeJosh Groban thing. - No, that's all right.
How are the other guys takin' it?
That Ryerson guy cried himselfto sleep in Figgins's arms...
and Ken Tanaka is raiding the nacho bar.
What aboutyou? You okay?
You know what, Dad? I am.
I mean, this was all a dream come true, but...
I'm a teacher, and a really good one.
- That's enough for me. - I know.
I saw the wayyour students look atyou.
You inspire people.
- Inspired me. - What doyou mean?
I'm going to law school.
Night classes for now, until I get all ofmy prerequisites.
But I registered yesterday.
You made me realixe it's never too late to grow a pair and go afteryour dream.
That's amaxing. That's so amaxing.
Hey, Kurt.
I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry I did that toyour car.
I'll pay for it to get fixed.
It's okay. My dad took my baby away...
after he found my tiara collection in my hope chest.
And I just wanted to say, I hope it works out between you and Rachel-
you'll have really cute, loud babies.
Mercedes.
I lied to you.
- I-I don't like Rachel. - [Footsteps ]
I'm gay.
Why didn'tyou just tell me?
Because I've never told anyone before.
You shouldn't be ashamed ofwhoyou are, Kurt.
You should just tell people, especially the kids in Glee.
The whole point ofthe club is about expressing what's really insideyou.
Remember?
I can't. I'm just not that confident, I guess.
Let me get this straight.
The Glee Club got rid of Dakota Stanley...
Mr. Schuester's back...
and they're busy at work on a new number, more confident than ever.
And down, clap, and up, clap, clap.
Down, clap, and up, clap, clap,
This is what we call a total disaster, ladies.
I'm going to askyou to smell your armpits.
- [ Sniffing ] - That's the smell offailure...
and it's stinking up my office.
I'm revoking yourtanning privileges forthe rest ofthe semester.
[ Sobbing ] No!
- Miss Sylvester, I wanna thankyou. - Forwhat?
For teaching me a valuable life lesson.
When you really believe in yourself...
you don't have to bring other people down.
Uh, uh, step-ball-change and head.
Step-ball-change andhead, Low andhigh,
Low and high.
- Uh. What do you guys think? - Mr. Schuester?
Yes, Rachel?
It was really good. [ Laughing ]
[Will] Thankyou, Thankyou,
Thankyou. Okay. From the top!
?? [ Vocalizing]
?? [Harmonic Vocalizing]
?? [Ends ]
English - US - SDH