1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,123 - So, Hank. - Meredith. 2 00:00:04,383 --> 00:00:06,151 - You're a writer. - A great writer. 3 00:00:06,347 --> 00:00:08,478 You know what the worst thing is? You're not writing. 4 00:00:08,625 --> 00:00:11,703 - Are you familiar with Hell-A Magazine? - Hell, no. 5 00:00:11,843 --> 00:00:14,342 They would like you to blog for them. 6 00:00:14,563 --> 00:00:15,675 Do you have a gun? 7 00:00:15,836 --> 00:00:18,693 You're out there sticking your dick in anything that moves. 8 00:00:19,815 --> 00:00:21,812 - My name is Hank. - I know. 9 00:00:26,631 --> 00:00:28,475 - Who did she go with? - Bill's daughter. 10 00:00:28,606 --> 00:00:29,817 I didn't know he had one. 11 00:00:29,939 --> 00:00:31,238 - How old is she? - 16. 12 00:00:31,410 --> 00:00:32,927 This is Mia, Bill's daughter. 13 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,618 And this is Hank. 14 00:00:35,019 --> 00:00:37,272 - You two know each other? - No. 15 00:00:37,625 --> 00:00:38,825 - I need you, baby. - No. 16 00:00:39,745 --> 00:00:41,369 Hank, I'm getting married. 17 00:00:43,213 --> 00:00:45,326 Don't marry him. Marry me. 18 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:52,728 I hate you. 19 00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:58,845 Subtitles : swsub.com (1.00) 20 00:01:10,666 --> 00:01:12,422 What are you thinking about? 21 00:01:13,552 --> 00:01:16,529 I'm thinking about how much I absolutely fucking loathe this city. 22 00:01:18,413 --> 00:01:22,118 Just as I was thinking about how much I absolutely love it. 23 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,955 Meanwhile, I haven't written a goddamn word since we got here. 24 00:01:26,515 --> 00:01:27,748 You need to relax. 25 00:01:28,993 --> 00:01:30,751 I just miss New York, honey. 26 00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:35,548 You know, and I miss you, because you're still there, 27 00:01:35,808 --> 00:01:37,773 in that big, thick head of yours. 28 00:01:38,672 --> 00:01:40,034 Come back to us, Hank. 29 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,279 Your girls miss you. 30 00:01:52,753 --> 00:01:53,941 Who are you talking to? 31 00:01:55,336 --> 00:01:56,402 Nobody. 32 00:01:56,662 --> 00:01:58,654 - Professional hazard. - What do you do? 33 00:02:00,183 --> 00:02:01,282 I'm a writer. 34 00:02:02,145 --> 00:02:03,451 Non practicing. 35 00:02:04,803 --> 00:02:06,245 I've got something you could read. 36 00:02:17,414 --> 00:02:19,217 I think you have potential. 37 00:03:23,893 --> 00:03:25,533 - Hank. - Bob. 38 00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:27,200 - Bill. - Really? 39 00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:30,231 - Becca doesn't want to see you. - You looking for a cock punch? 40 00:03:30,389 --> 00:03:32,410 - Let me talk to her. - Trust me, as the father 41 00:03:32,570 --> 00:03:33,674 of a teenage daughter, 42 00:03:33,815 --> 00:03:35,883 just give her some space. She'll come around. 43 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,790 - You know something, Bill, is it? - Yep. Still Bill. 44 00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:42,266 Well, I appreciate the parenting advice, but maybe, 45 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:45,205 just maybe, giving them too much space is not such a good idea. 46 00:03:45,346 --> 00:03:47,893 Maybe too much space is actually the root of the problem. 47 00:03:48,033 --> 00:03:49,974 Hank, please... My daughter is 16, 48 00:03:50,234 --> 00:03:53,060 and she's an angel. Clearly I'm doing something right. 49 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,021 - You poor bastard. - Excuse me? 50 00:03:55,281 --> 00:03:56,530 - Homo says what? - What? 51 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:57,796 Gotcha. 52 00:04:00,033 --> 00:04:01,543 What the fuck is that? 53 00:04:02,361 --> 00:04:04,338 You like it? I could've bought a car instead. 54 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,071 I think you should still buy the car 55 00:04:06,235 --> 00:04:08,075 and then run over whoever created that turd. 56 00:04:08,768 --> 00:04:10,694 Everything okay here, boys? 57 00:04:11,171 --> 00:04:13,131 - It's all good. - It's all good? 58 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,573 That's kind of a hip lingo. 59 00:04:15,049 --> 00:04:16,083 "It's all good. 60 00:04:16,463 --> 00:04:17,463 "It's all good." 61 00:04:17,807 --> 00:04:19,953 Yeah, that's what they say, the kids. 62 00:04:20,103 --> 00:04:21,172 I still hate you. 63 00:04:21,589 --> 00:04:22,622 Naturally. 64 00:04:22,775 --> 00:04:24,342 But I do want to see your movie. 65 00:04:25,728 --> 00:04:27,613 It's my book. It's not my movie. 66 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:28,888 Not my problem. 67 00:04:29,148 --> 00:04:30,412 I like your movie. 68 00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,513 How is that even possible, honey? 69 00:04:32,941 --> 00:04:35,519 Because it proves you're not the asshole they say you are. 70 00:04:39,199 --> 00:04:40,650 Cursing will cost you. 71 00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:47,615 Now who says I'm an asshole? 72 00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,276 Can we swap nights this weekend? 73 00:04:49,435 --> 00:04:51,166 We're having some people over on Saturday, 74 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:52,652 and I want Becca to be there. 75 00:04:52,838 --> 00:04:55,664 - Uncle Charlie and aunt Marcy. - Thank you, sweetie. 76 00:04:55,924 --> 00:04:57,958 - Dad should come. - They're his friends, too. 77 00:04:59,043 --> 00:05:02,380 And uncle Charlie's his agent. Maybe he has an offer for him. 78 00:05:03,423 --> 00:05:05,216 You're welcome to come, Hank. 79 00:05:05,929 --> 00:05:08,302 Absolutely. Bring a date. 80 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:12,440 Ear buds. 81 00:05:15,328 --> 00:05:16,352 First of all, 82 00:05:16,565 --> 00:05:19,700 you could not handle me hitting it off with somebody right in front of you. 83 00:05:19,905 --> 00:05:22,483 You're right. It could be very painful. 84 00:05:22,653 --> 00:05:25,319 - But I think I'll get through it. - Okay, so I take this 85 00:05:25,579 --> 00:05:27,923 to mean the answer is no, you're not going to marry me. 86 00:05:28,063 --> 00:05:29,371 Hank, I'm standing right here. 87 00:05:29,604 --> 00:05:31,814 Did you ever stop and think that it might be nice 88 00:05:31,954 --> 00:05:33,837 for Becca to see us all get along for a change? 89 00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:35,346 Yes, and it might be nice 90 00:05:35,505 --> 00:05:38,053 if I could fellate myself while farting the white album, 91 00:05:38,209 --> 00:05:40,184 but I haven't been able to quite master that yet. 92 00:05:40,344 --> 00:05:42,063 - So... - Is he coming? 93 00:05:42,203 --> 00:05:43,353 Absolutely. 94 00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:45,589 What can I bring, Bob? Bill. 95 00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:47,883 Whatever the fuck; 96 00:05:48,143 --> 00:05:49,462 that's not a "fuck," Becca. 97 00:05:57,308 --> 00:06:00,943 Your assistant makes me want to touch myself in a bad place. 98 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,901 That's nice. My assistant makes me want to hang myself. 99 00:06:06,161 --> 00:06:07,413 While masturbating? 100 00:06:07,746 --> 00:06:09,253 Are you retarded or something? 101 00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:13,238 Funky back tat on the small of the back. You know what that means. 102 00:06:13,669 --> 00:06:15,035 She likes it in the pooper. 103 00:06:16,613 --> 00:06:17,613 Really? 104 00:06:17,814 --> 00:06:20,116 I have no idea. I just wanted to say "pooper". I've found 105 00:06:20,263 --> 00:06:23,073 that the back tat is a watermark of the promiscuous, though. 106 00:06:23,364 --> 00:06:25,600 Still, she's the world's worst assistant. 107 00:06:26,143 --> 00:06:27,949 She drops calls, she loses manuscripts, 108 00:06:28,089 --> 00:06:30,134 she can't even get my fucking macchiato right. 109 00:06:30,877 --> 00:06:33,283 But she does seem to have a nipple ring. 110 00:06:33,423 --> 00:06:36,348 Quite possibly two. There is something very cool going on in that area. 111 00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:41,312 Enough about my assistant's nipples. You want to talk some business? 112 00:06:41,663 --> 00:06:45,056 - How's the new book coming? - Now, that's a hostile question. 113 00:06:45,546 --> 00:06:48,753 You have owed your publisher a book since Becca was breast-feeding. 114 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,400 I remember because I used to like to watch Karen do that. 115 00:06:51,713 --> 00:06:53,157 Kiss my black ass. 116 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:56,673 You need a fucking job. 117 00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:59,385 What? Okay. What do you got? 118 00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:02,063 Listen. 119 00:07:02,207 --> 00:07:03,733 - You hear that? - What? 120 00:07:03,873 --> 00:07:06,295 That's the sound of my phone not ringing for you. 121 00:07:06,675 --> 00:07:08,547 You have burned every bridge 122 00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:10,432 I built for you with my bare hands. 123 00:07:10,601 --> 00:07:12,972 - Except, of course Hell-A Magazine. - No, don't say it.... 124 00:07:13,145 --> 00:07:16,722 They want you to blog for them. Just take the fucking meeting already! 125 00:07:17,733 --> 00:07:19,308 Let's ask Dani California. 126 00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:22,232 Hell-A Magazine. Thoughts? 127 00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:24,973 You'd be perfect for them. 128 00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:27,995 Nipple ring? Two? 129 00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:31,129 Anywhere else? 130 00:07:32,934 --> 00:07:34,062 She's got a nose ring, too. 131 00:07:34,202 --> 00:07:36,419 - You know what that means. - She likes it in the nose? 132 00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:37,627 That is sick. 133 00:07:37,836 --> 00:07:41,118 Look around. L.A. needs you. 134 00:07:41,543 --> 00:07:42,748 Now more than ever. 135 00:07:43,334 --> 00:07:47,486 Your voice is a shotgun blast to all the pretentious fucks 136 00:07:47,685 --> 00:07:49,838 who pollute this once-great city of yours. 137 00:07:50,098 --> 00:07:53,259 Just so you know, it's not and never will be my city. 138 00:07:53,728 --> 00:07:56,003 Use the blog, Hank. 139 00:07:56,245 --> 00:07:57,813 Channel your rage. 140 00:08:00,796 --> 00:08:04,523 You're a dying breed. You're a real writer, a real man. 141 00:08:05,114 --> 00:08:07,703 You've got heart, balls, and swagger. 142 00:08:08,122 --> 00:08:10,023 Either way. 143 00:08:10,785 --> 00:08:13,073 Come over to the dark side, Hank. 144 00:08:13,572 --> 00:08:16,305 Join us at Hell-A Magazine. 145 00:08:16,773 --> 00:08:19,019 I appreciate the enthusiasm. I do. 146 00:08:19,159 --> 00:08:21,948 - But I don't have much to say. - Think about it. 147 00:08:23,382 --> 00:08:25,389 Where you going? I thought I was the real deal. 148 00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:27,793 It's a shame I'm in a relationship. 149 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:30,970 Write me something, Hank. 150 00:08:35,589 --> 00:08:37,269 - Good night. - Good night. 151 00:08:47,531 --> 00:08:48,598 The airplane. 152 00:09:03,246 --> 00:09:05,777 - So, what do you think? - Very little of substance. 153 00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:10,419 My tits. 154 00:09:10,954 --> 00:09:11,962 Seriously. 155 00:09:14,556 --> 00:09:17,259 They seem pretty fucking groovy to me. 156 00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:19,887 - Think they're too small? - Too small for what? 157 00:09:20,064 --> 00:09:21,761 I want to make them bigger. 158 00:09:21,924 --> 00:09:25,662 They're absolutely almost perfect, in every conceivable titty way. 159 00:09:26,587 --> 00:09:27,991 What about my lips? 160 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,543 Highly kissable. 161 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:35,455 Not those lips. 162 00:09:36,812 --> 00:09:37,844 These. 163 00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:46,490 What about them? 164 00:09:46,863 --> 00:09:48,499 Do you think they're too floppy? 165 00:09:48,759 --> 00:09:50,668 - What? - Floppy? 166 00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:53,416 I think of getting them fixed. 167 00:09:54,551 --> 00:09:56,683 Vaginal rejuvenation. You heard about it? 168 00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:58,593 Get them trimmed up a little. 169 00:09:58,781 --> 00:10:01,250 That way they don't look like day-old deli meat. 170 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:07,149 I think I just lost my manhood. And got hungry at the same time. 171 00:10:08,721 --> 00:10:10,056 I can help you find that. 172 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,113 You can try. 173 00:10:25,671 --> 00:10:28,548 - Hey, this is you. - I thought you recognized me. 174 00:10:28,689 --> 00:10:30,332 I'm not a big porn guy, actually. 175 00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:32,382 And who might that be? 176 00:10:33,178 --> 00:10:34,178 My daughter. 177 00:10:34,874 --> 00:10:37,089 Do you need to go... see to her? 178 00:10:37,349 --> 00:10:39,442 It's okay. She'll quiet down. Don't worry about it. 179 00:10:44,421 --> 00:10:45,532 Go be with your daughter. 180 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,583 I'm gonna have to confiscate this thing for further study. 181 00:11:10,052 --> 00:11:11,052 Piece of shit! 182 00:11:16,203 --> 00:11:18,505 Hell-A Magazine blog number one. 183 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,140 Hank hates you all. 184 00:11:21,409 --> 00:11:23,049 A few things I've learned in my travels 185 00:11:23,212 --> 00:11:25,587 through this crazy little thing called life. 186 00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:30,100 One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. 187 00:11:31,166 --> 00:11:34,020 Two: I probably won't go down in history, 188 00:11:34,274 --> 00:11:35,823 but I will go down on your sister. 189 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,149 And three: while I'm down there, 190 00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:41,073 it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. 191 00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:44,598 I'm not talking about a huge'70s playboy bush or anything, 192 00:11:44,718 --> 00:11:46,540 just something that reminds me 193 00:11:46,687 --> 00:11:48,868 that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult. 194 00:11:50,338 --> 00:11:52,215 But I guess the larger question is, 195 00:11:52,424 --> 00:11:55,167 why is the city of angels so hell-bent 196 00:11:55,427 --> 00:11:57,378 on destroying its female population? 197 00:12:19,491 --> 00:12:21,235 Jesus H. Christ. 198 00:12:24,553 --> 00:12:25,736 Nope. 199 00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,533 Just little old me. 200 00:12:28,303 --> 00:12:29,368 Are you okay? 201 00:12:29,703 --> 00:12:31,036 You look a little pale. 202 00:12:31,683 --> 00:12:33,375 Are you gonna have a heart attack? 203 00:12:33,703 --> 00:12:34,915 You are getting on in years. 204 00:12:35,175 --> 00:12:38,460 Just because I'm older than you doesn't necessarily make me old. 205 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,546 Well, I am 16, you know. 206 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,937 - So I've been told. - What's the word for that again? 207 00:12:45,394 --> 00:12:47,136 It's statutory rape. 208 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:48,762 That's two words. 209 00:12:49,293 --> 00:12:50,597 Hi, daddy. 210 00:12:51,434 --> 00:12:54,453 Honey, put some clothes on, okay? We have company. 211 00:12:55,153 --> 00:12:57,229 I'm sure it's nothing he hasn't seen before. 212 00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,833 - Thanks for coming. - Thanks for having me. 213 00:13:03,953 --> 00:13:05,028 It's my pleasure. 214 00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,030 The pleasure is all mine. 215 00:13:07,585 --> 00:13:08,900 I think this is... 216 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,843 an important first step we're taking here. 217 00:13:13,551 --> 00:13:14,830 Really? What step is that? 218 00:13:15,215 --> 00:13:16,874 The one where I sit back and watch 219 00:13:17,134 --> 00:13:19,259 as you try to steal my family out from under me? 220 00:13:19,969 --> 00:13:21,255 It's not gonna happen. 221 00:13:21,989 --> 00:13:23,422 Game on, broheme. 222 00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:25,747 Hey. You didn't have to do that. 223 00:13:25,887 --> 00:13:27,575 Well, I didn't. It's for me. 224 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,733 Sorry about that. 225 00:13:30,527 --> 00:13:32,757 Hank, Sonja. 226 00:13:33,952 --> 00:13:35,366 - Sonja, Hank. - Hi. 227 00:13:35,506 --> 00:13:36,814 Uh, I love your writing. 228 00:13:36,954 --> 00:13:38,544 And I love you. 229 00:13:39,406 --> 00:13:42,463 I read your adaptation way back when Soderbergh was gonna do it. 230 00:13:42,603 --> 00:13:45,012 - I fucking loved it. - Hey, my salad days. 231 00:13:45,663 --> 00:13:47,480 You and I are gonna get along just fine. 232 00:13:47,747 --> 00:13:48,788 I'm sorry. Honey? 233 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,243 - Can I borrow the missus for a moment? - Yeah. 234 00:13:51,386 --> 00:13:53,198 Can I talk to you? 235 00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:54,785 What the fuck are you doing? 236 00:13:55,618 --> 00:13:56,618 What do you mean? 237 00:13:56,758 --> 00:13:58,518 You're trying to set me up with this woman. 238 00:14:00,088 --> 00:14:03,290 I thought it'd be nice for you to have a play date with someone your own age. 239 00:14:03,430 --> 00:14:04,843 And if we get along swimmingly? 240 00:14:06,038 --> 00:14:07,137 Hankie. 241 00:14:07,315 --> 00:14:09,601 I had to leave you, remember? 242 00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,583 I'm not holding a torch here. 243 00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:13,882 And you need to get on with your life. 244 00:14:14,303 --> 00:14:17,351 And you need to get in touch with your emotions, woman. 245 00:14:22,074 --> 00:14:24,152 He says he's not used to dating. 246 00:14:34,391 --> 00:14:35,448 Nobody likes you. 247 00:14:35,588 --> 00:14:38,269 You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. 248 00:14:38,729 --> 00:14:41,011 Now smile, you fucking douche. 249 00:15:09,563 --> 00:15:10,570 Dad? 250 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:12,891 - Dad? - Yes. 251 00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:14,949 - Can I get a dog? - Absolutely. 252 00:15:15,210 --> 00:15:17,118 Yes. As long as it poops here. 253 00:15:17,587 --> 00:15:18,725 We'll talk about it. 254 00:15:21,026 --> 00:15:22,026 I'm sorry, Hank. 255 00:15:22,217 --> 00:15:23,752 - My apologies. - That's fine, Bill. 256 00:15:23,946 --> 00:15:24,997 She's very sweet. 257 00:15:25,262 --> 00:15:26,812 Well, I'd like to propose a toast. 258 00:15:28,084 --> 00:15:29,088 To friends... 259 00:15:31,142 --> 00:15:32,142 family... 260 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:33,854 a new beginning... 261 00:15:34,646 --> 00:15:35,646 And a happy ending! 262 00:15:36,027 --> 00:15:37,035 Well said, honey. 263 00:15:37,175 --> 00:15:39,256 - I'll drink to that. - Cheers, cheers! 264 00:15:43,395 --> 00:15:45,022 So, how did you and Bill meet? 265 00:15:46,523 --> 00:15:48,617 I don't think this is the right setting for that... 266 00:15:48,757 --> 00:15:51,994 I think this is the perfect setting for that story. 267 00:15:52,842 --> 00:15:55,602 Bill hired Karen to redo his place... This place. 268 00:15:55,831 --> 00:15:58,883 And along the way, they talked Zen and the art of the mid-life crisis 269 00:15:59,023 --> 00:16:01,454 and... eventually 270 00:16:01,716 --> 00:16:03,402 fell head over heels in love. 271 00:16:03,883 --> 00:16:05,284 In Karen's case, heels over head. 272 00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:08,753 And Bill got another trophy for his mantel, and... 273 00:16:09,014 --> 00:16:11,757 Karen got to move into her own Barbie dream house. 274 00:16:13,553 --> 00:16:15,722 Talk about being the architect of your very own... 275 00:16:15,864 --> 00:16:17,113 Happy ending! 276 00:16:17,552 --> 00:16:20,427 - Got it. - That's a bit of an oversimplification. 277 00:16:20,734 --> 00:16:22,998 - But I'm not surprised. - Floor is all yours, Bill. 278 00:16:23,278 --> 00:16:25,224 - I'll pass. - That doesn't surprise me. 279 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,535 How did you and Karen meet? 280 00:16:27,798 --> 00:16:30,042 - Some other time, sweetie. - Mia, I don't think... 281 00:16:30,235 --> 00:16:32,193 What? I'm curious. Come on! 282 00:16:32,455 --> 00:16:34,061 Karen's not a big fan of memory lane. 283 00:16:34,332 --> 00:16:35,572 - I'll tell it. - Rebecca. 284 00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:39,584 Mom was going to art school and playing bass in this downtown noise band. 285 00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,695 Dad had just published his first novel. 286 00:16:43,173 --> 00:16:45,259 They met cute at... What was it called again? 287 00:16:45,559 --> 00:16:47,229 - CBGB's. - Right. 288 00:16:47,369 --> 00:16:49,077 He thought she was pretentious, 289 00:16:49,227 --> 00:16:51,903 and she thought he was way too pleased with himself. 290 00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:53,668 But they had sex anyway. 291 00:16:54,476 --> 00:16:56,485 In the morning, he made her breakfast, 292 00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:58,869 and she talked about her plan to move to Seattle 293 00:16:59,009 --> 00:17:00,346 so she could stalk and marry... 294 00:17:00,627 --> 00:17:01,970 Chris Cornell. 295 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,360 Right. 296 00:17:03,783 --> 00:17:05,407 But then she read dad's writing. 297 00:17:06,303 --> 00:17:07,410 And that was it. 298 00:17:08,789 --> 00:17:10,554 Nine months later, I was born. 299 00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,498 They never got married, of course. 300 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,343 But they stayed together a long time. 301 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,072 A lot longer than most people do. 302 00:17:26,457 --> 00:17:29,235 Oh, my boyfriend's here. I got to go. Bye, daddy. 303 00:17:33,227 --> 00:17:34,296 Good night! 304 00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:36,626 - Bye, honey. So long. - I wish I could tell 305 00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:39,008 an interesting story about me and my ex, 306 00:17:39,148 --> 00:17:42,271 but it's really just L.A. cliché number 4b. 307 00:17:42,430 --> 00:17:43,933 He was sleeping with his assistant. 308 00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:46,350 Oh, shit. That happens. 309 00:17:46,612 --> 00:17:48,459 - His name was Ted. - Your husband? 310 00:17:48,725 --> 00:17:49,804 His assistant. 311 00:17:52,194 --> 00:17:53,858 - Could be worse. - Really? How so? 312 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,515 Well, instead of finding out that your husband was gay, 313 00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:59,272 you could've found out that he was a... 314 00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:03,689 scientologist or something like that. 315 00:18:04,914 --> 00:18:06,675 I'm a scientologist, Hank. 316 00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:10,976 Or a Nazi. 317 00:18:12,846 --> 00:18:14,153 Or Al Qaeda. 318 00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:17,048 - Keep trying. - See, this is what I love 319 00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:20,176 - about L.A. is the diversity. - My bet you do. 320 00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:23,232 The Eagles! 321 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,551 Eagles of Death Metal. 322 00:18:26,777 --> 00:18:28,607 Cool. Right on. 323 00:18:29,089 --> 00:18:31,024 I liked having you here tonight. 324 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,690 Well, I liked being here tonight. 325 00:18:34,157 --> 00:18:35,169 Bullshit. 326 00:18:35,358 --> 00:18:37,736 Oh, it's a pleasure doing business with you. 327 00:18:40,214 --> 00:18:42,156 I hate to burst your bubble, sweetie, but... 328 00:18:42,296 --> 00:18:44,667 that movie has nothing to do with your old man. 329 00:18:44,979 --> 00:18:48,771 Of course it does. Your novel, while very much an exercise in nihilism, 330 00:18:49,182 --> 00:18:50,938 is firmly rooted in romanticism. 331 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:52,847 You read the novel? 332 00:18:54,065 --> 00:18:55,507 Jesus fuck. 333 00:19:02,381 --> 00:19:04,474 You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain. 334 00:19:04,803 --> 00:19:07,141 - Where'd you get that old chestnut? - Bill. 335 00:19:07,599 --> 00:19:09,351 I was wearing my Cradle of Filth t-shirt. 336 00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:11,953 The one with "Jesus was a C-word" on the back. 337 00:19:12,524 --> 00:19:13,917 That's my girl. 338 00:19:15,579 --> 00:19:17,100 But I do pray sometimes. 339 00:19:17,814 --> 00:19:18,817 Sort of. 340 00:19:19,155 --> 00:19:20,525 What do you pray for? 341 00:19:21,363 --> 00:19:24,424 That you and mom work out your shit and we move back to New York. 342 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:30,293 No, honey. You don't owe me anything for that one. 343 00:19:32,668 --> 00:19:34,386 Dad? 344 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,898 Are you okay? 345 00:19:42,918 --> 00:19:44,409 But I'm working on it. 346 00:19:46,887 --> 00:19:48,192 Can I get a dog? 347 00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:51,467 Oh, you're good. 348 00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,410 You're good. 349 00:20:02,050 --> 00:20:03,290 Son-ja. 350 00:20:03,772 --> 00:20:05,591 Hey, look, I'm sorry about before... 351 00:20:05,816 --> 00:20:08,768 What I said. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about half the time. 352 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,469 - Ask anybody. They'll tell you. - No worries. No worries. 353 00:20:13,628 --> 00:20:15,834 You want to... You want to get fucked up? 354 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:25,440 Why are you so smiley? 355 00:20:25,656 --> 00:20:28,550 There's nothing quite like getting stoned on the very bed 356 00:20:28,815 --> 00:20:31,599 that your ex-domestic partner shares with her fiancé? 357 00:20:33,195 --> 00:20:34,771 It's the little things. 358 00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:38,789 Could you do me a favor? 359 00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:40,339 Absolutely. 360 00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:47,664 Tell me what you think. 361 00:20:52,971 --> 00:20:53,980 Honestly? 362 00:20:54,994 --> 00:20:56,290 Yeah. Honestly. 363 00:20:56,959 --> 00:20:59,002 I'm, forty-something years old. 364 00:20:59,729 --> 00:21:02,294 I don't have time to play games. I need to know the truth. 365 00:21:07,645 --> 00:21:09,579 Your breasts are obviously real. 366 00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,542 And, um, you have... 367 00:21:13,918 --> 00:21:15,664 an abundance of pubic hair, 368 00:21:16,416 --> 00:21:17,436 which is really nice. 369 00:21:19,057 --> 00:21:20,168 And, um... 370 00:21:20,492 --> 00:21:22,752 there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. 371 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:27,309 I'd say aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, 372 00:21:27,449 --> 00:21:31,459 you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long long time... 373 00:21:33,901 --> 00:21:34,924 Thank you. 374 00:21:35,882 --> 00:21:37,121 It's my pleasure. 375 00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:41,685 Would you do mean other favor? 376 00:21:43,591 --> 00:21:44,728 Would you fuck me? 377 00:21:45,664 --> 00:21:48,288 My husband recently left me for a guy named Ted, 378 00:21:48,791 --> 00:21:50,784 and right now all I wanna do is get fucked stupid 379 00:21:50,914 --> 00:21:52,417 by a guy who actually likes women. 380 00:21:53,322 --> 00:21:54,478 If that's okay with you. 381 00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:57,542 I'd be lying if I said I never wondered 382 00:21:57,862 --> 00:21:59,926 what it might be like to violate a scientologist. 383 00:22:02,915 --> 00:22:05,694 You must be looking like Art Garfunkel down there lately. 384 00:22:07,191 --> 00:22:08,943 Oh, my god. You're obsessed. 385 00:22:10,286 --> 00:22:12,492 You haven't been in for a wax in months. 386 00:22:12,672 --> 00:22:15,409 So either you're taking your lady business elsewhere 387 00:22:15,549 --> 00:22:17,790 or you're sporting a ginormous hippie bush. 388 00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:20,843 You know what? I hate that shit. I just came to keep you in business. 389 00:22:23,499 --> 00:22:26,423 And I just want you to be happy and hair-free. 390 00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:29,113 Well, I am happy. 391 00:22:29,620 --> 00:22:31,239 Thank you very much. 392 00:22:33,711 --> 00:22:35,305 Are you sure you're not making 393 00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:38,057 a deal with the devil that your ass can't cash? 394 00:22:38,498 --> 00:22:40,098 What does that even mean? 395 00:22:42,687 --> 00:22:43,739 What? 396 00:22:46,343 --> 00:22:47,489 What? 397 00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:50,296 Are you totally serious about marrying this guy? 398 00:22:50,601 --> 00:22:52,489 Yes. Why? 399 00:22:53,147 --> 00:22:55,175 I love him. He loves me. 400 00:22:55,335 --> 00:22:56,659 He's great with Becca. 401 00:22:57,010 --> 00:22:58,288 I mean, what else is there? 402 00:22:58,758 --> 00:22:59,904 What about Hank? 403 00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:02,007 What about him? 404 00:23:02,614 --> 00:23:05,562 He loves you. He's trying to get his shit together. 405 00:23:05,931 --> 00:23:08,150 He has been trying to get his shit together 406 00:23:08,290 --> 00:23:10,015 since the day we first met. 407 00:23:11,804 --> 00:23:15,430 And the sex with Bill? Is it good? 408 00:23:18,144 --> 00:23:20,031 Yeah. It's different, you know? 409 00:23:22,242 --> 00:23:23,294 Come on. 410 00:23:25,548 --> 00:23:26,962 I want to show you my house. 411 00:23:27,102 --> 00:23:28,534 Oh, my God. 412 00:23:29,978 --> 00:23:31,856 My house is my art. 413 00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:37,946 I don't think Tom and Katie would approve of what we're doing right now. 414 00:23:38,086 --> 00:23:39,631 Oh, God. Shut up and fuck me already. 415 00:23:39,771 --> 00:23:40,960 Are you clear yet? 416 00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:43,213 Shut up and fuck me. 417 00:23:43,947 --> 00:23:46,059 You are one kinky thetan. 418 00:23:56,114 --> 00:23:57,119 Are you okay? 419 00:24:08,928 --> 00:24:09,933 Right. 420 00:24:23,301 --> 00:24:24,329 Oh, god. 421 00:24:34,337 --> 00:24:36,567 - My painting. - It's all good. 422 00:24:37,115 --> 00:24:38,303 We got it under control. 423 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:43,682 It's all good. 424 00:24:46,193 --> 00:24:48,390 Okay. We're so high! 425 00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:49,986 I don't know what happened. 426 00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:05,336 You look like ass. 427 00:25:07,319 --> 00:25:08,710 Did we just have sex? 428 00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:14,751 What do you want from me? 429 00:25:15,559 --> 00:25:16,817 Isn't it obvious? 430 00:25:20,124 --> 00:25:23,617 What happened the other night will never, ever happen again. 431 00:25:25,563 --> 00:25:26,878 And why is that? 432 00:25:27,241 --> 00:25:29,176 Because it's sick and wrong. 433 00:25:30,355 --> 00:25:32,932 Well, maybe I'm in the minority here, 434 00:25:33,072 --> 00:25:35,604 but I just don't think there's anything sick 435 00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:39,213 and wrong about a little fucking and punching between consenting adults. 436 00:25:39,552 --> 00:25:41,562 You're not an adult, for one. 437 00:25:43,116 --> 00:25:44,628 You dirty old man. 438 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,959 Well, I guess I'll just have to... 439 00:25:49,194 --> 00:25:51,757 get out my vibrator and read your blog. 440 00:25:52,155 --> 00:25:54,273 That's cool. Then it won't be a total waste of time. 441 00:25:56,110 --> 00:25:57,462 I thought it was cool. 442 00:25:58,110 --> 00:25:59,399 I was like, "Hey... 443 00:26:00,079 --> 00:26:01,497 "I totally fucked that guy." 444 00:26:06,008 --> 00:26:08,336 - Must be weird, though. - What? 445 00:26:08,841 --> 00:26:11,527 Becoming the employee of a man you so clearly hate. 446 00:26:12,549 --> 00:26:13,958 What are you talking about? 447 00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:17,046 My father... 448 00:26:17,458 --> 00:26:19,083 He owns Hell-A Magazine. 449 00:26:20,085 --> 00:26:21,193 Mia, is that you? 450 00:26:22,758 --> 00:26:24,047 Coming, daddy. 451 00:26:38,791 --> 00:26:40,281 Always a pleasure.