1
00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:02,779
Previously on Californication...

2
00:00:02,780 --> 00:00:04,859
- So, Hank.
- Meredith.

3
00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:06,979
- You're a writer.
- A great writer.

4
00:00:06,980 --> 00:00:09,659
Do you know what the worst thing is?
You're not writing.

5
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:12,579
- Are you familiar with Hell.A. magazine?
- Hell, no.

6
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:15,699
- They would like you to blog for them.
- Do you have a gun?

7
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,979
You're out there sticking
your dick in anything that moves.

8
00:00:18,980 --> 00:00:20,939
My name is Hank.

9
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:23,440
I know. Mia.

10
00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:28,259
- Who did she go with?
- Bill's daughter.

11
00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:29,579
I didn't know Bill had a daughter.

12
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:30,859
- How old is she?
- 1 6.

13
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:34,419
This is Mia, Bill's daughter.
And this is Hank.

14
00:00:34,420 --> 00:00:36,859
- Y-you two know each other?
- No.

15
00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:38,339
- I need you, baby.
- No.

16
00:00:38,340 --> 00:00:41,250
Hank, Hank, I'm getting married.

17
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,539
Don't marry him. Marry me.

18
00:00:44,540 --> 00:00:47,040
Hey.

19
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,840
- Becca.
- I hate you.

20
00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:01,018
(Distant siren)

21
00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:10,932
What are you thinking about?

22
00:01:10,980 --> 00:01:15,739
I'm thinking about how much
I absolutely fucking loathe this city.

23
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:19,819
Just as I was thinking about
how much I absolutely love it.

24
00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:23,459
Meanwhile, I haven't written
a goddamn word since we got here.

25
00:01:23,460 --> 00:01:25,339
You need to relax.

26
00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:28,173
I just miss New York, honey.

27
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:32,139
You know, and I miss you,
because you're still there,

28
00:01:32,140 --> 00:01:34,819
in that big, thick head of yours.

29
00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:37,380
Come back to us, Hank.

30
00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:39,920
Your girls miss you.

31
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,579
(Laughter)

32
00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,299
(Woman) So, who are you talking to?

33
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:53,690
Oh. Nobody. Professional hazard.

34
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,019
What do you do?

35
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:59,410
I'm a writer. Nonpractising.

36
00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:03,510
- I've got something you could read.
- Yeah?

37
00:02:11,380 --> 00:02:14,417
Oh. I think you have potential.

38
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:13,378
(Dog barks in distance)

39
00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,920
(Knocks on door)

40
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:17,739
- Hank.
- Bob.

41
00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:19,979
- Bill.
- Really?

42
00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:21,219
Becca doesn't want to see you.

43
00:03:21,220 --> 00:03:23,539
You looking for a cock punch?
Let me talk to her.

44
00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:25,619
Trust me, as the father
of a teenage daughter,

45
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:27,579
just give her some space,
she'll come around.

46
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:30,419
Shit. You know something...Bill, is it?

47
00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:31,699
Yep. Still Bill.

48
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,699
Well, I appreciate the parenting advice,
but maybe...just maybe...

49
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:36,739
giving them too much space
is not such a good idea.

50
00:03:36,740 --> 00:03:39,419
Maybe too much space is actually
the root of the problem.

51
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,499
- Rebecca?
- Hank, please.

52
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,539
My daughter is 1 6, and she's an angel.

53
00:03:42,540 --> 00:03:44,459
Clearly I'm doing something right.

54
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,339
- Oh, you poor bastard.
- Excuse me?

55
00:03:46,340 --> 00:03:47,699
- Homo says what?
- What?

56
00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:50,498
- Gotcha. (Laughs)
- Huh.

57
00:03:50,540 --> 00:03:53,459
- What the fuck is that?
- Oh, you like it?

58
00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:55,019
I could've bought a car instead.

59
00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:56,779
I think you should still buy the car

60
00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:58,939
and then run over
whoever created that turd.

61
00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:01,619
(Karen) Everything OK here, boys?

62
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:02,779
(Bill) It's all good.

63
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:05,339
It's all good? That's kind of a hip lingo.

64
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:07,939
"It's all good. It's all good."

65
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,059
Yeah, that's...
that's what they say, the kids.

66
00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:12,739
- I still hate you.
- Naturally.

67
00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:14,539
But I do want to see your movie.

68
00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:17,600
It's my book. It's not my movie.

69
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:20,259
Not my problem. I like your movie.

70
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,419
Oh, how is that even possible, honey?

71
00:04:22,420 --> 00:04:26,659
Because it proves you're not
the asshole they say you are.

72
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:30,289
(Whistles) Cursing will cost you.

73
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,459
(Sniffs)

74
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:36,539
Now who says I'm an asshole?

75
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:38,219
(Karen)
Can we swap nights this weekend?

76
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,979
We're having some people over
on Saturday,

77
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,659
and I'd love for Becca to be there.

78
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:44,619
- Uncle Charlie and Aunt Marcy.
- Thank you, sweetie.

79
00:04:44,620 --> 00:04:46,699
Dad should come.
They're his friends, too.

80
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:49,179
And Uncle Charlie's his agent.

81
00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,099
Maybe he has an offer for him.

82
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,770
You're welcome to come, Hank.

83
00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:56,738
Absolutely. Hey, bring a date.

84
00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:59,453
- Hmm?
- Bring a date.

85
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,890
- Earbuds.
- (# Music plays)

86
00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:07,699
First of all, you could not handle me hitting
it off with somebody right in front of you.

87
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,899
Oh, you're right.
It could be very painful.

88
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,739
But I think I'll get through it.

89
00:05:11,740 --> 00:05:13,939
OK, so I take this to mean
the answer is no,

90
00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:15,779
that you're not going to marry me.

91
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:17,339
Hank, I'm standing right here.

92
00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,539
Did you ever stop and think
that it might be nice for Becca

93
00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:21,219
to see us all get along for a change?

94
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:25,259
Yes, and it might be nice if I could fellate
myself while farting The White Album,

95
00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:27,099
but I haven't been able
to quite master that yet.

96
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,979
Is he coming?

97
00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:31,259
Absolutely. What can I bring, Bob?

98
00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:34,539
Bill. Uh, Billy Bob. Whatever the fuck...

99
00:05:34,540 --> 00:05:37,050
That's not a "fuck," Becca.

100
00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:48,510
Your assistant makes me want
to touch myself in a bad place.

101
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:50,059
That's nice.

102
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,939
My assistant makes me
want to hang myself.

103
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:54,779
- While masturbating?
- Are you retarded or something?

104
00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:57,259
Funky back tat on the small of the back.

105
00:05:57,260 --> 00:05:59,139
- You know what that means.
- No.

106
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:02,740
- She likes it in the pooper.
- Really?

107
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:04,939
I have no idea.
I just wanted to say "pooper".

108
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,459
I have found that the back tat

109
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:08,619
is a watermark
of the promiscuous, though.

110
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:10,859
Doesn't change the fact
she's the world's worst assistant.

111
00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:12,939
She drops calls, she loses manuscripts,

112
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,179
she can't even get
my fucking macchiato right.

113
00:06:15,180 --> 00:06:18,699
But...but she does seem
to have a nipple ring. Quite possibly two.

114
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,179
There is something very cool
going on in that area.

115
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,499
OK, OK. Enough
about my assistant's nipples.

116
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:27,339
You want to talk some business?
How's the new book coming?

117
00:06:27,340 --> 00:06:29,259
Now, that's a hostile question.

118
00:06:29,260 --> 00:06:33,099
Hank, you have owed your publisher a book
since Becca was breast-feeding.

119
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,459
I remember because I used
to like to watch Karen do that.

120
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:37,960
Kiss my black ass.

121
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,819
You need a fucking job.

122
00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:43,539
What? OK. What? What do you got?

123
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:47,379
- Shh! Wait a minute. Listen. You hear that?
- What?

124
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:49,979
That's the sound of my phone
not ringing for you.

125
00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:53,299
Hank, you have burned every bridge
I built for you with my bare hands.

126
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,499
Except, of course...

127
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,219
- No, don't say it.
- Hell.A. magazine.

128
00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:58,059
They want you to blog for them.

129
00:06:58,060 --> 00:07:00,059
Just take the fucking meeting already!

130
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:02,419
No! No! Let's ask Dani California.

131
00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:05,776
Hell.A. magazine. Thoughts?

132
00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:07,859
You'd be perfect for them.

133
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,819
Uh-uh-uh. Nipple ring?

134
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:12,219
Two?

135
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:14,619
Anywhere else?

136
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:17,139
She's got a nose ring, too.
You know what that means.

137
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:19,979
- What? She likes it in the nose?
- That is sick.

138
00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:24,939
(British accent) Look around. LA needs you.
Now more than ever.

139
00:07:24,940 --> 00:07:29,539
Your voice is a shotgun blast
to all the pretentious fucks

140
00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:31,579
who pollute this once-great city of yours.

141
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:34,939
Just so you know,
it's not and never will be my city.

142
00:07:34,940 --> 00:07:37,440
Use the blog, Hank.

143
00:07:37,460 --> 00:07:39,960
Channel your rage.

144
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:45,499
You're a dying breed.
You're a real writer, a real man.

145
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,860
You've got heart, balls, and swagger.

146
00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:51,420
Either way. (Chuckles)

147
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:53,939
Come over to the dark side, Hank.

148
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:57,137
Join us at Hell.A. magazine.

149
00:07:57,180 --> 00:07:59,379
I appreciate the enthusiasm. I do.

150
00:07:59,380 --> 00:08:02,619
- But I just... I don't have much to say.
- Think about it.

151
00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:05,699
Oh, where you going?
I thought I was the real deal.

152
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:09,000
It's a shame I'm in a relationship.

153
00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:12,257
Write me something, Hank.

154
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:17,852
- Good night.
- Good night.

155
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:30,010
The airplane. Oh.

156
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:46,259
- So, what do you think?
- Very little of substance.

157
00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,779
No. (Laughs)

158
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,374
My tits. Seriously.

159
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:55,492
They seem pretty
fucking groovy to me.

160
00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:57,979
- Think they're too small?
- Too small for what?

161
00:08:57,980 --> 00:08:59,619
- I want to make them bigger.
- No.

162
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:03,699
They're absolutely almost perfect,
in every conceivable titty way.

163
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,200
What about my lips?

164
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,960
Highly kissable.

165
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,379
Not those lips.

166
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:16,611
- These.
- Oh. Um...

167
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:21,300
Um...what...

168
00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:22,939
What about them?

169
00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:25,499
Do you think they're too flappy?

170
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,619
- What's that? Flappy?
- Flappy?

171
00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:30,899
Mm-hm. I was thinking about
getting them fixed.

172
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,459
Vaginal rejuvenation.
You heard about it?

173
00:09:33,460 --> 00:09:35,099
Get them trimmed up a little.

174
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,859
That way they don't look like
day-old deli meat.

175
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:42,058
Ooh. I think I just lost my manhood.

176
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:44,219
- And got hungry at the same time.
- (Laughs)

177
00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:46,099
I can help you find that.

178
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:48,614
You can try.

179
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:03,579
- Hey, this is you.
- Oh. I thought you recognized me.

180
00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:05,539
I'm not a big porn guy, actually.

181
00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:08,019
- (Baby crying)
- And who might that be?

182
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:12,019
- Oh, that's my daughter.
- Do you need to go...see to her?

183
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:16,659
It's OK. She'll quiet down.
Don't worry about it.

184
00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:18,379
(Crying continues)

185
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:20,880
Go be with your daughter.

186
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:27,370
I'm gonna have to confiscate
this for further study.

187
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:43,532
♪ LA woman ♪

188
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:46,333
- Piece of shit.
- # LA woman

189
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,699
♪ LA woman ♪

190
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:51,699
(Hank) "Hell.A. magazine blog number one.

191
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,200
"Hank hates you all.

192
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,899
"A few things I've learned in my travels

193
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,539
"through this crazy little thing called life...

194
00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:00,739
"One...a morning of awkwardness

195
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,779
"is far better than a night of loneliness.

196
00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:06,339
"Two...I probably won't go down in history,

197
00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:08,579
"but I will go down on your sister.

198
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,459
And three...while I'm down there,

199
00:11:10,460 --> 00:11:13,659
"it might be nice to see a hint of pubis.

200
00:11:13,660 --> 00:11:16,259
"I'm not talking about a huge
'70s Playboy bush or anything,

201
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,099
"just something that reminds me

202
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:21,419
that I'm performing
cunnilingus on an adult.

203
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:24,019
"But I guess
the larger question is,

204
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,419
"why is the City of Angels so hell-bent

205
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:29,019
"on destroying its female population?"

206
00:11:29,020 --> 00:11:31,019
♪ LA woman

207
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:34,615
♪ Got to keep on rising

208
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,160
♪ LA woman

209
00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:40,099
♪ LA woman

210
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,899
♪ LA woman

211
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:45,495
♪ Got to keep on rising ♪

212
00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:51,960
Jesus H. Christ.

213
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:58,016
Nope. Just little old me.

214
00:11:58,060 --> 00:12:01,299
Are you OK? You look a little pale.

215
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,499
You're not gonna have
a heart attack, are you?

216
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,019
You are getting on in years.

217
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:08,499
Just because I'm older than you,
doesn't necessarily make me old.

218
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,739
- Well, I am 1 6, you know.
- So I've been told.

219
00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:14,219
What's the word for that again?

220
00:12:14,220 --> 00:12:16,739
Oh, yeah. It's statutory rape.

221
00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:18,459
That's two words.

222
00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:20,179
Hi, Daddy.

223
00:12:20,180 --> 00:12:23,699
Honey, put some clothes on, OK?
We have company.

224
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:27,419
Well, I'm sure it's nothing
he hasn't seen before.

225
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:30,457
- Hank.
- Tim.

226
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,099
- Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having me.

227
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,939
- It's my pleasure.
- Oh, the pleasure is all mine.

228
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,738
I think this is, um...

229
00:12:38,780 --> 00:12:40,899
an important first step
we're taking here.

230
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,400
Really? What step is that?

231
00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:45,219
The one where I sit back and watch

232
00:12:45,220 --> 00:12:47,699
as you try to steal my family
out from under me?

233
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,939
It's not gonna happen.

234
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,659
Game on, brohim.

235
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,859
Hey. You didn't have to do that.

236
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:57,610
I didn't. It's for me. Sorry about that.

237
00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:00,699
Hank, Sonja.

238
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,139
Sonja, Hank.

239
00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:04,339
Hi. I love your writing.

240
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:06,619
And I love you.

241
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:09,499
I read your adaptation way back
when Soderbergh was gonna do it.

242
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:12,259
- I fucking loved it.
- Hey, my salad days.

243
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:14,739
You and I are gonna get along just fine.

244
00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:17,339
I'm sorry. Honey?
Can I borrow the missus for a moment?

245
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:19,939
- Yeah.
- Can I talk to you?

246
00:13:19,940 --> 00:13:22,979
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What do you mean?

247
00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:25,499
You're trying to set me up
with this woman.

248
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,459
I thought it might be nice for you

249
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,619
to have a playdate
with someone your own age.

250
00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:33,219
- And what if we get along swimmingly?
- Hankie.

251
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:35,890
I had to leave you, remember?

252
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,699
I'm not holding a torch here.

253
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:39,899
And you need to get on with your life.

254
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:43,659
And you need to get in touch
with your emotions, woman.

255
00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:46,160
(Laughs)

256
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:49,830
He says he's not used to dating.

257
00:13:57,900 --> 00:14:00,414
(Sighs) Nobody likes you.

258
00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:03,099
You're ugly and your mother
dresses you funny.

259
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,933
Now smile, you fucking douche.

260
00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:10,320
(Murmur of conversation)

261
00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:36,529
- (Becca) Dad? Dad?
- Yes.

262
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:38,539
- Can I get a dog?
- Absolutely. Yes.

263
00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:43,499
- As long as it poops here.
- We'll talk about it, honey.

264
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,179
I'm sorry, Hank. My apologies.

265
00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:48,139
That's fine, Bill. She's very sweet.

266
00:14:48,140 --> 00:14:50,819
Well, I'd like to propose a toast.

267
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:53,320
To friends...

268
00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:57,096
..family, a new beginning...

269
00:14:57,140 --> 00:14:59,299
- And a happy ending.
- Well said, honey.

270
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:02,299
(Charlie) I'll drink to that.
(All) Cheers.

271
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,800
(Bill) Cheers, cheers.

272
00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:07,379
So, how did you and Bill meet?

273
00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:10,179
I don't think this is
the right setting for that...

274
00:15:10,180 --> 00:15:13,899
I think this is the perfect
setting for that story.

275
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:17,419
Um, Bill hired Karen to redo
his place...this place.

276
00:15:17,420 --> 00:15:20,819
And along the way, they talked Zen
And The Art Of The Mid-Life Crisis

277
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:25,336
and eventually
fell head over heels in love.

278
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,779
In Karen's case, heels over head.

279
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:30,299
And Bill got another trophy for his mantel,

280
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:33,219
and Karen got to move
into her own Barbie dream house.

281
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:37,019
Talk about being the architect
of your very own...

282
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,619
happy ending.

283
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,499
- Got it.
- That's a bit of an oversimplification, Hank.

284
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,819
- But I'm not surprised.
- Floor is all yours, Bill.

285
00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:45,979
- I'll pass.
- That doesn't surprise me.

286
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:48,019
How did you and Karen meet?

287
00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:50,299
- Mia, I don't think...
- (Karen) Some other time, sweetie.

288
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,659
- What? I'm curious.
- Me too.

289
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,419
Karen's not a big fan of memory lane.

290
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:55,979
- I'll tell it.
- Rebecca.

291
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:57,659
Mom was going to art school

292
00:15:57,660 --> 00:15:59,979
and playing bass
in this downtown noise band.

293
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,859
Dad had just published his first novel.

294
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:05,259
They met cute at...
what was it called again?

295
00:16:05,260 --> 00:16:06,859
- CBGBs.
- Right.

296
00:16:06,860 --> 00:16:08,859
He thought she was pretentious,

297
00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:11,739
and she thought he was
way too pleased with himself.

298
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:12,899
But they had sex anyway.

299
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:16,139
In the morning, he made her breakfast,

300
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,259
and she talked about her plan
to move to Seattle

301
00:16:18,260 --> 00:16:21,299
- so she could stalk and marry...
- Chris Cornell.

302
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:24,870
Right. But then she read Dad's writing.

303
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,400
And that was it.

304
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,179
Nine months later, I was born.

305
00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:32,379
They never got married, of course.

306
00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:35,579
But they stayed together a long time.

307
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:38,620
A lot longer than most people do.

308
00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:44,055
- (Man clears throat)
- (Car horn)

309
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,219
Oh, my boyfriend's here. I got to go.

310
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:49,974
- Bye, Daddy.
- Oh! Bye.

311
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:52,179
- Good night.
- Good night.

312
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:53,459
- Bye, honey.
- So long.

313
00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:56,659
I wish I could tell an interesting story
about my me and my ex,

314
00:16:56,660 --> 00:16:59,739
but it's really just LA cliché number 4b.

315
00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:01,459
He was sleeping with his assistant.

316
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,779
Oh, shit. That happens.

317
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:05,779
- His name was Ted.
- Your husband?

318
00:17:05,780 --> 00:17:07,459
- His assistant.
- Oh.

319
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,059
Ah.

320
00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,899
- Could be worse.
- Really? How so?

321
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,259
Well, instead of finding out
your husband was gay,

322
00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:17,333
you could've found out
that he was a...

323
00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:20,690
Scientologist or something like that.

324
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,493
I'm a Scientologist, Hank.

325
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:26,040
(Light laughter)

326
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:28,600
Or a Nazi.

327
00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:30,899
Or al-Qaeda.

328
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,499
Keep trying.

329
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,219
See, this is what I love
about LA, is the diversity.

330
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,299
(Laughter)

331
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,739
The Eagles!

332
00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:42,099
Oh. Eagles Of Death Metal.

333
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,379
Cool. Right on.

334
00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:46,499
I liked having you here tonight.

335
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,499
- Well, I liked being here tonight.
- Bullshit.

336
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:54,520
Oh. It's a pleasure doing business with you.

337
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,939
I hate to burst your bubble, sweetie,

338
00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:59,539
but that movie has nothing
to do with your old man.

339
00:17:59,540 --> 00:18:00,779
Of course it does.

340
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,659
Your novel, while very much
an exercise in nihilism,

341
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,659
is firmly rooted in romanticism.

342
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:08,333
You read the novel?

343
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,880
Oh, Jesus fuck.

344
00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:13,259
Ohh.

345
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,760
Mm.

346
00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:18,219
You shouldn't take the Lord's
name in vain, you know.

347
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:21,419
- Where'd you get that old chestnut?
- Bill.

348
00:18:21,420 --> 00:18:23,419
I was wearing
my Cradle Of Filth t-shirt.

349
00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:25,739
The one that says
"Jesus was a C-word" on the back.

350
00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:28,240
That's my girl.

351
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:32,535
But I do pray sometimes. Sort of.

352
00:18:32,580 --> 00:18:34,179
What do you pray for?

353
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,339
That you and Mom work out your shit

354
00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:39,019
and we move back to New York.

355
00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:41,580
Uh, no, honey.

356
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:45,320
You don't owe me
anything for that one.

357
00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:47,099
- Dad?
- Yeah?

358
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:49,600
Are you OK?

359
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:54,859
No.

360
00:18:54,860 --> 00:18:57,374
But I'm working on it.

361
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,294
Can I get a dog?

362
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,059
Oh, you're good.

363
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,619
You're good.

364
00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,499
(Laughs)

365
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:10,458
(Woman coughing)

366
00:19:12,580 --> 00:19:13,659
Oh.

367
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,179
Son-ja.

368
00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:17,419
Hey, look, I'm sorry
about before...what I said.

369
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:20,219
I don't know what the fuck
I'm talking about half the time.

370
00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:22,939
- Ask anybody. They'll tell you.
- No worries. No worries.

371
00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,659
(Sniffing)

372
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,939
You want...you want to...
you want to get fucked up?

373
00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:29,440
Oh!

374
00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:36,339
Why are you so smiley?

375
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:38,299
There's nothing quite like getting stoned

376
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:41,139
on the very bed that
your ex-domestic partner shares

377
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:43,539
with her fiancé.

378
00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:46,179
- It's the little things.
- (Both laugh)

379
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,853
Could you do me a favour?

380
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,400
Absolutely.

381
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:58,280
Tell me what you think.

382
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:02,338
(Coughs)

383
00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:06,134
- Honestly?
- Yeah. Honestly.

384
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,979
I'm, uh, 40-something years old.

385
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:14,450
I don't have time to play games.
I need to know the truth.

386
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:18,735
Well, your breasts are obviously real.

387
00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:24,576
And, um, you have an abundance
of pubic hair,

388
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:27,373
which is really nice.

389
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:32,240
And, um, there's no evidence
of vaginal rejuvenation.

390
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,259
I'd say aside from the fact
that you worship a space alien,

391
00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:37,499
you just might be the most
beautiful woman I've seen

392
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,014
in a long, long time.

393
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:43,419
Thank you.

394
00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:45,920
It's my pleasure.

395
00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:50,459
- Would you do me another favour?
- Yeah.

396
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:52,459
Would you fuck me?

397
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,819
My husband recently left me
for a guy named Ted,

398
00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:58,099
and right now all I want to do
is get fucked stupid

399
00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,979
by a guy who actually likes women.

400
00:20:59,980 --> 00:21:02,099
If that's OK with you.

401
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:04,699
Well, I'd be lying
if I said I never wondered

402
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:08,899
what it might be like
to violate a Scientologist.

403
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:12,579
You must be looking like
Art Garfunkel down there lately.

404
00:21:12,580 --> 00:21:15,538
Oh, my God. You're obsessed.

405
00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:18,339
Well, you haven't been in
for a wax in months.

406
00:21:18,340 --> 00:21:21,299
So either you're taking
your lady business elsewhere

407
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:24,059
or you're sporting
a ginormous hippie bush.

408
00:21:24,060 --> 00:21:27,019
I hate that shit.
I just came to keep you in business.

409
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:29,019
Oh!

410
00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:32,339
And I just want you to be happy
and hair-free.

411
00:21:32,340 --> 00:21:34,739
Well, I am happy.

412
00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:37,240
Thank you very much.

413
00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:41,419
Are you sure you're not
making a deal with the devil

414
00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:43,499
that your ass can't cash?

415
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:46,000
What does that even mean?

416
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:50,040
What?

417
00:21:50,940 --> 00:21:52,499
What?

418
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:55,219
Are you totally serious
about marrying this guy?

419
00:21:55,220 --> 00:21:57,579
- Yes.
- Why?

420
00:21:57,580 --> 00:22:01,099
I love him. He loves me.
He's great with Becca.

421
00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:04,579
- I mean, what else is there?
- What about Hank?

422
00:22:04,580 --> 00:22:07,777
- What about him?
- He loves you.

423
00:22:07,820 --> 00:22:10,059
He's trying to get his shit together.

424
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:12,139
He has been trying
to get his shit together

425
00:22:12,140 --> 00:22:14,650
since the day we first met.

426
00:22:15,260 --> 00:22:19,299
And the sex with Bill? Is it good?

427
00:22:21,780 --> 00:22:24,610
Yeah. It's different, you know?

428
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:28,417
Come on. (Sighs)

429
00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:32,610
- I want to show you my house.
- Oh, my God.

430
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:35,560
My house is my art.

431
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:40,859
I don't think Tom and Katie would approve
of what we're doing right now.

432
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,899
- Oh, God. Shut up and fuck me already.
- Are you clear yet?

433
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:46,179
Shut up and fuck me.

434
00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:48,680
You are one kinky Thetan.

435
00:22:53,460 --> 00:22:56,054
Oh! Aah!

436
00:22:58,100 --> 00:23:00,600
Are you OK?

437
00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:03,920
(Groans)

438
00:23:07,340 --> 00:23:09,699
Oh. OK.

439
00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:12,200
Right.

440
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,400
(Gasps)

441
00:23:23,660 --> 00:23:25,419
Oh, God.

442
00:23:25,420 --> 00:23:27,779
(Coughs)

443
00:23:27,780 --> 00:23:30,280
Oh...

444
00:23:34,020 --> 00:23:35,979
(Bill) My painting.

445
00:23:35,980 --> 00:23:38,779
It's all good. We got it under control.

446
00:23:38,780 --> 00:23:42,329
(Laughs)

447
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:44,019
It's all good.

448
00:23:44,020 --> 00:23:46,139
(Both laugh)

449
00:23:46,140 --> 00:23:48,259
OK. We're so high!

450
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,770
I don't know what happened.

451
00:24:03,140 --> 00:24:05,640
(Mia) You look like ass.

452
00:24:06,140 --> 00:24:08,640
Did we just have sex?

453
00:24:12,020 --> 00:24:13,899
What do you want from me?

454
00:24:13,900 --> 00:24:16,414
Isn't it obvious?

455
00:24:18,220 --> 00:24:23,499
What happened the other night
will never, ever happen again.

456
00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:25,499
And why is that?

457
00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:27,899
Because it's sick and wrong.

458
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,299
Well, maybe I'm in the minority here,

459
00:24:30,300 --> 00:24:33,499
but I just don't think
there's anything sick and wrong

460
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:37,219
about a little fucking and punching
between consenting adults.

461
00:24:37,220 --> 00:24:40,132
You're not an adult, for one.

462
00:24:40,180 --> 00:24:42,680
You dirty old man.

463
00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:44,539
(Dog barks in distance)

464
00:24:44,540 --> 00:24:47,539
Well, I guess I'll just have
to get out my vibrator

465
00:24:47,540 --> 00:24:49,219
and read your blog.

466
00:24:49,220 --> 00:24:52,859
That's cool. Then it won't be
a total waste of time.

467
00:24:52,860 --> 00:24:55,019
I thought it was cool.

468
00:24:55,020 --> 00:24:59,120
I was like, "Hey, I totally fucked that guy."

469
00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,419
- Must be weird, though.
- What?

470
00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:08,579
Becoming the employee of a man
you so clearly hate.

471
00:25:08,580 --> 00:25:10,499
What are you talking about?

472
00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:15,369
(Laughs) My father.
He owns Hell.A. magazine.

473
00:25:15,420 --> 00:25:18,218
Mia, is that you?

474
00:25:18,260 --> 00:25:20,499
Coming, Daddy.

475
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:24,891
♪ And though he's naked through the day

476
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:29,297
♪ There's always gonna be a better way

477
00:25:29,340 --> 00:25:34,095
♪ It'll always be someone else's way ♪

478
00:25:34,140 --> 00:25:36,640
Always a pleasure.

479
00:25:37,340 --> 00:25:40,093
♪ Closer to the edge

480
00:25:40,140 --> 00:25:46,010
♪ It's so much further
than we get without a car

481
00:25:46,060 --> 00:25:51,737
♪ And everyone's looking for someplace

482
00:25:51,780 --> 00:25:58,128
♪ They're just killing more time
within the space

483
00:25:58,180 --> 00:26:04,176
♪ Some nights I wish that sun would

484
00:26:04,220 --> 00:26:07,656
♪ Never show its face

485
00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:14,657
♪ You're so beautiful and nice ♪

486
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:17,200
(Engines roaring)

487
00:26:18,820 --> 00:26:22,176
♪ No picture's ever going to

488
00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:27,977
♪ And everyone's looking for some space

489
00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:34,459
♪ They're just killing time
all over this place

490
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:40,609
♪ Some nights I wish
that the sun would

491
00:26:40,660 --> 00:26:44,573
♪ Never show its face

492
00:26:44,620 --> 00:26:51,696
♪ Come on to face the light of day

493
00:26:51,740 --> 00:26:56,131
♪ To face the light of day

494
00:26:56,180 --> 00:27:02,733
♪ With anyone,
would it face the light of day? ♪