1 00:00:03,049 --> 00:00:05,083 - So, Hank. - Meredith. 2 00:00:05,343 --> 00:00:07,111 - You're a writer. - A great writer. 3 00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:09,438 You know what the worst thing is? You're not writing. 4 00:00:09,585 --> 00:00:12,663 - Are you familiar with Hell-A Magazine? - Hell, no. 5 00:00:12,803 --> 00:00:15,302 They would like you to blog for them. 6 00:00:15,523 --> 00:00:16,635 Do you have a gun? 7 00:00:16,796 --> 00:00:19,653 You're out there sticking your dick in anything that moves. 8 00:00:20,775 --> 00:00:22,772 - My name is Hank. - I know. 9 00:00:27,591 --> 00:00:29,435 - Who did she go with? - Bill's daughter. 10 00:00:29,566 --> 00:00:30,777 I didn't know he had one. 11 00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:32,198 - How old is she? - 16. 12 00:00:32,370 --> 00:00:33,887 This is Mia, Bill's daughter. 13 00:00:34,027 --> 00:00:35,578 And this is Hank. 14 00:00:35,979 --> 00:00:38,232 - You two know each other? - No. 15 00:00:38,585 --> 00:00:39,785 - I need you, baby. - No. 16 00:00:40,705 --> 00:00:42,329 Hank, I'm getting married. 17 00:00:44,173 --> 00:00:46,286 Don't marry him. Marry me. 18 00:00:52,570 --> 00:00:53,688 I hate you. 19 00:00:55,035 --> 00:00:59,805 Subtitles : swsub.com (1.00) 20 00:01:11,626 --> 00:01:13,382 What are you thinking about? 21 00:01:14,512 --> 00:01:17,489 I'm thinking about how much I absolutely fucking loathe this city. 22 00:01:19,373 --> 00:01:23,078 Just as I was thinking about how much I absolutely love it. 23 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,915 Meanwhile, I haven't written a goddamn word since we got here. 24 00:01:27,475 --> 00:01:28,708 You need to relax. 25 00:01:29,953 --> 00:01:31,711 I just miss New York, honey. 26 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:36,508 You know, and I miss you, because you're still there, 27 00:01:36,768 --> 00:01:38,733 in that big, thick head of yours. 28 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:40,994 Come back to us, Hank. 29 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,239 Your girls miss you. 30 00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:54,901 Who are you talking to? 31 00:01:56,296 --> 00:01:57,362 Nobody. 32 00:01:57,622 --> 00:01:59,614 - Professional hazard. - What do you do? 33 00:02:01,143 --> 00:02:02,242 I'm a writer. 34 00:02:03,105 --> 00:02:04,411 Non practicing. 35 00:02:05,763 --> 00:02:07,205 I've got something you could read. 36 00:02:18,374 --> 00:02:20,177 I think you have potential. 37 00:03:24,853 --> 00:03:26,493 - Hank. - Bob. 38 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,160 - Bill. - Really? 39 00:03:28,630 --> 00:03:31,191 - Becca doesn't want to see you. - You looking for a cock punch? 40 00:03:31,349 --> 00:03:33,370 - Let me talk to her. - Trust me, as the father 41 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:34,634 of a teenage daughter, 42 00:03:34,775 --> 00:03:36,843 just give her some space. She'll come around. 43 00:03:37,844 --> 00:03:40,750 - You know something, Bill, is it? - Yep. Still Bill. 44 00:03:40,890 --> 00:03:43,226 Well, I appreciate the parenting advice, but maybe, 45 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,165 just maybe, giving them too much space is not such a good idea. 46 00:03:46,306 --> 00:03:48,853 Maybe too much space is actually the root of the problem. 47 00:03:48,993 --> 00:03:50,934 Hank, please... My daughter is 16, 48 00:03:51,194 --> 00:03:54,020 and she's an angel. Clearly I'm doing something right. 49 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,981 - You poor bastard. - Excuse me? 50 00:03:56,241 --> 00:03:57,490 - Homo says what? - What? 51 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:58,756 Gotcha. 52 00:04:00,993 --> 00:04:02,503 What the fuck is that? 53 00:04:03,321 --> 00:04:05,298 You like it? I could've bought a car instead. 54 00:04:05,438 --> 00:04:07,031 I think you should still buy the car 55 00:04:07,195 --> 00:04:09,035 and then run over whoever created that turd. 56 00:04:09,728 --> 00:04:11,654 Everything okay here, boys? 57 00:04:12,131 --> 00:04:14,091 - It's all good. - It's all good? 58 00:04:14,279 --> 00:04:15,533 That's kind of a hip lingo. 59 00:04:16,009 --> 00:04:17,043 "It's all good. 60 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:18,423 "It's all good." 61 00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:20,913 Yeah, that's what they say, the kids. 62 00:04:21,063 --> 00:04:22,132 I still hate you. 63 00:04:22,549 --> 00:04:23,582 Naturally. 64 00:04:23,735 --> 00:04:25,302 But I do want to see your movie. 65 00:04:26,688 --> 00:04:28,573 It's my book. It's not my movie. 66 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:29,848 Not my problem. 67 00:04:30,108 --> 00:04:31,372 I like your movie. 68 00:04:31,534 --> 00:04:33,473 How is that even possible, honey? 69 00:04:33,901 --> 00:04:36,479 Because it proves you're not the asshole they say you are. 70 00:04:40,159 --> 00:04:41,610 Cursing will cost you. 71 00:04:46,961 --> 00:04:48,575 Now who says I'm an asshole? 72 00:04:48,782 --> 00:04:50,236 Can we swap nights this weekend? 73 00:04:50,395 --> 00:04:52,126 We're having some people over on Saturday, 74 00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:53,612 and I want Becca to be there. 75 00:04:53,798 --> 00:04:56,624 - Uncle Charlie and aunt Marcy. - Thank you, sweetie. 76 00:04:56,884 --> 00:04:58,918 - Dad should come. - They're his friends, too. 77 00:05:00,003 --> 00:05:03,340 And uncle Charlie's his agent. Maybe he has an offer for him. 78 00:05:04,383 --> 00:05:06,176 You're welcome to come, Hank. 79 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,262 Absolutely. Bring a date. 80 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,400 Ear buds. 81 00:05:16,288 --> 00:05:17,312 First of all, 82 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,660 you could not handle me hitting it off with somebody right in front of you. 83 00:05:20,865 --> 00:05:23,443 You're right. It could be very painful. 84 00:05:23,613 --> 00:05:26,279 - But I think I'll get through it. - Okay, so I take this 85 00:05:26,539 --> 00:05:28,883 to mean the answer is no, you're not going to marry me. 86 00:05:29,023 --> 00:05:30,331 Hank, I'm standing right here. 87 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,774 Did you ever stop and think that it might be nice 88 00:05:32,914 --> 00:05:34,797 for Becca to see us all get along for a change? 89 00:05:34,964 --> 00:05:36,306 Yes, and it might be nice 90 00:05:36,465 --> 00:05:39,013 if I could fellate myself while farting the white album, 91 00:05:39,169 --> 00:05:41,144 but I haven't been able to quite master that yet. 92 00:05:41,304 --> 00:05:43,023 - So... - Is he coming? 93 00:05:43,163 --> 00:05:44,313 Absolutely. 94 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,549 What can I bring, Bob? Bill. 95 00:05:47,159 --> 00:05:48,843 Whatever the fuck; 96 00:05:49,103 --> 00:05:50,422 that's not a "fuck," Becca. 97 00:05:58,268 --> 00:06:01,903 Your assistant makes me want to touch myself in a bad place. 98 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,861 That's nice. My assistant makes me want to hang myself. 99 00:06:07,121 --> 00:06:08,373 While masturbating? 100 00:06:08,706 --> 00:06:10,213 Are you retarded or something? 101 00:06:10,398 --> 00:06:14,198 Funky back tat on the small of the back. You know what that means. 102 00:06:14,629 --> 00:06:15,995 She likes it in the pooper. 103 00:06:17,573 --> 00:06:18,573 Really? 104 00:06:18,774 --> 00:06:21,076 I have no idea. I just wanted to say "pooper". I've found 105 00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:24,033 that the back tat is a watermark of the promiscuous, though. 106 00:06:24,324 --> 00:06:26,560 Still, she's the world's worst assistant. 107 00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:28,909 She drops calls, she loses manuscripts, 108 00:06:29,049 --> 00:06:31,094 she can't even get my fucking macchiato right. 109 00:06:31,837 --> 00:06:34,243 But she does seem to have a nipple ring. 110 00:06:34,383 --> 00:06:37,308 Quite possibly two. There is something very cool going on in that area. 111 00:06:39,293 --> 00:06:42,272 Enough about my assistant's nipples. You want to talk some business? 112 00:06:42,623 --> 00:06:46,016 - How's the new book coming? - Now, that's a hostile question. 113 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,713 You have owed your publisher a book since Becca was breast-feeding. 114 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,360 I remember because I used to like to watch Karen do that. 115 00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,117 Kiss my black ass. 116 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,633 You need a fucking job. 117 00:06:58,289 --> 00:07:00,345 What? Okay. What do you got? 118 00:07:01,997 --> 00:07:03,023 Listen. 119 00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:04,693 - You hear that? - What? 120 00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:07,255 That's the sound of my phone not ringing for you. 121 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,507 You have burned every bridge 122 00:07:09,767 --> 00:07:11,392 I built for you with my bare hands. 123 00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:13,932 - Except, of course Hell-A Magazine. - No, don't say it.... 124 00:07:14,105 --> 00:07:17,682 They want you to blog for them. Just take the fucking meeting already! 125 00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:20,268 Let's ask Dani California. 126 00:07:21,286 --> 00:07:23,192 Hell-A Magazine. Thoughts? 127 00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:25,933 You'd be perfect for them. 128 00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:28,955 Nipple ring? Two? 129 00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:32,089 Anywhere else? 130 00:07:33,894 --> 00:07:35,022 She's got a nose ring, too. 131 00:07:35,162 --> 00:07:37,379 - You know what that means. - She likes it in the nose? 132 00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:38,587 That is sick. 133 00:07:38,796 --> 00:07:42,078 Look around. L.A. needs you. 134 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,708 Now more than ever. 135 00:07:44,294 --> 00:07:48,446 Your voice is a shotgun blast to all the pretentious fucks 136 00:07:48,645 --> 00:07:50,798 who pollute this once-great city of yours. 137 00:07:51,058 --> 00:07:54,219 Just so you know, it's not and never will be my city. 138 00:07:54,688 --> 00:07:56,963 Use the blog, Hank. 139 00:07:57,205 --> 00:07:58,773 Channel your rage. 140 00:08:01,756 --> 00:08:05,483 You're a dying breed. You're a real writer, a real man. 141 00:08:06,074 --> 00:08:08,663 You've got heart, balls, and swagger. 142 00:08:09,082 --> 00:08:10,983 Either way. 143 00:08:11,745 --> 00:08:14,033 Come over to the dark side, Hank. 144 00:08:14,532 --> 00:08:17,265 Join us at Hell-A Magazine. 145 00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:19,979 I appreciate the enthusiasm. I do. 146 00:08:20,119 --> 00:08:22,908 - But I don't have much to say. - Think about it. 147 00:08:24,342 --> 00:08:26,349 Where you going? I thought I was the real deal. 148 00:08:26,870 --> 00:08:28,753 It's a shame I'm in a relationship. 149 00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:31,930 Write me something, Hank. 150 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,229 - Good night. - Good night. 151 00:08:48,491 --> 00:08:49,558 The airplane. 152 00:09:04,206 --> 00:09:06,737 - So, what do you think? - Very little of substance. 153 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,379 My tits. 154 00:09:11,914 --> 00:09:12,922 Seriously. 155 00:09:15,516 --> 00:09:18,219 They seem pretty fucking groovy to me. 156 00:09:18,530 --> 00:09:20,847 - Think they're too small? - Too small for what? 157 00:09:21,024 --> 00:09:22,721 I want to make them bigger. 158 00:09:22,884 --> 00:09:26,622 They're absolutely almost perfect, in every conceivable titty way. 159 00:09:27,547 --> 00:09:28,951 What about my lips? 160 00:09:31,163 --> 00:09:32,503 Highly kissable. 161 00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:36,415 Not those lips. 162 00:09:37,772 --> 00:09:38,804 These. 163 00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:47,450 What about them? 164 00:09:47,823 --> 00:09:49,459 Do you think they're too floppy? 165 00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,628 - What? - Floppy? 166 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,376 I think of getting them fixed. 167 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,643 Vaginal rejuvenation. You heard about it? 168 00:09:57,823 --> 00:09:59,553 Get them trimmed up a little. 169 00:09:59,741 --> 00:10:02,210 That way they don't look like day-old deli meat. 170 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:08,109 I think I just lost my manhood. And got hungry at the same time. 171 00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:11,016 I can help you find that. 172 00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:13,073 You can try. 173 00:10:26,631 --> 00:10:29,508 - Hey, this is you. - I thought you recognized me. 174 00:10:29,649 --> 00:10:31,292 I'm not a big porn guy, actually. 175 00:10:32,073 --> 00:10:33,342 And who might that be? 176 00:10:34,138 --> 00:10:35,138 My daughter. 177 00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:38,049 Do you need to go... see to her? 178 00:10:38,309 --> 00:10:40,402 It's okay. She'll quiet down. Don't worry about it. 179 00:10:45,381 --> 00:10:46,492 Go be with your daughter. 180 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,543 I'm gonna have to confiscate this thing for further study. 181 00:11:11,012 --> 00:11:12,012 Piece of shit! 182 00:11:17,163 --> 00:11:19,465 Hell-A Magazine blog number one. 183 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,100 Hank hates you all. 184 00:11:22,369 --> 00:11:24,009 A few things I've learned in my travels 185 00:11:24,172 --> 00:11:26,547 through this crazy little thing called life. 186 00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:31,060 One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. 187 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,980 Two: I probably won't go down in history, 188 00:11:35,234 --> 00:11:36,783 but I will go down on your sister. 189 00:11:37,423 --> 00:11:39,109 And three: while I'm down there, 190 00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:42,033 it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. 191 00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:45,558 I'm not talking about a huge'70s playboy bush or anything, 192 00:11:45,678 --> 00:11:47,500 just something that reminds me 193 00:11:47,647 --> 00:11:49,828 that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult. 194 00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:53,175 But I guess the larger question is, 195 00:11:53,384 --> 00:11:56,127 why is the city of angels so hell-bent 196 00:11:56,387 --> 00:11:58,338 on destroying its female population? 197 00:12:20,451 --> 00:12:22,195 Jesus H. Christ. 198 00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:26,696 Nope. 199 00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:28,493 Just little old me. 200 00:12:29,263 --> 00:12:30,328 Are you okay? 201 00:12:30,663 --> 00:12:31,996 You look a little pale. 202 00:12:32,643 --> 00:12:34,335 Are you gonna have a heart attack? 203 00:12:34,663 --> 00:12:35,875 You are getting on in years. 204 00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:39,420 Just because I'm older than you doesn't necessarily make me old. 205 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,506 Well, I am 16, you know. 206 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,897 - So I've been told. - What's the word for that again? 207 00:12:46,354 --> 00:12:48,096 It's statutory rape. 208 00:12:48,465 --> 00:12:49,722 That's two words. 209 00:12:50,253 --> 00:12:51,557 Hi, daddy. 210 00:12:52,394 --> 00:12:55,413 Honey, put some clothes on, okay? We have company. 211 00:12:56,113 --> 00:12:58,189 I'm sure it's nothing he hasn't seen before. 212 00:13:02,770 --> 00:13:04,793 - Thanks for coming. - Thanks for having me. 213 00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:05,988 It's my pleasure. 214 00:13:06,443 --> 00:13:07,990 The pleasure is all mine. 215 00:13:08,545 --> 00:13:09,860 I think this is... 216 00:13:11,417 --> 00:13:13,803 an important first step we're taking here. 217 00:13:14,511 --> 00:13:15,790 Really? What step is that? 218 00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:17,834 The one where I sit back and watch 219 00:13:18,094 --> 00:13:20,219 as you try to steal my family out from under me? 220 00:13:20,929 --> 00:13:22,215 It's not gonna happen. 221 00:13:22,949 --> 00:13:24,382 Game on, broheme. 222 00:13:25,393 --> 00:13:26,707 Hey. You didn't have to do that. 223 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,535 Well, I didn't. It's for me. 224 00:13:29,468 --> 00:13:30,693 Sorry about that. 225 00:13:31,487 --> 00:13:33,717 Hank, Sonja. 226 00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:36,326 - Sonja, Hank. - Hi. 227 00:13:36,466 --> 00:13:37,774 Uh, I love your writing. 228 00:13:37,914 --> 00:13:39,504 And I love you. 229 00:13:40,366 --> 00:13:43,423 I read your adaptation way back when Soderbergh was gonna do it. 230 00:13:43,563 --> 00:13:45,972 - I fucking loved it. - Hey, my salad days. 231 00:13:46,623 --> 00:13:48,440 You and I are gonna get along just fine. 232 00:13:48,707 --> 00:13:49,748 I'm sorry. Honey? 233 00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:52,203 - Can I borrow the missus for a moment? - Yeah. 234 00:13:52,346 --> 00:13:54,158 Can I talk to you? 235 00:13:54,428 --> 00:13:55,745 What the fuck are you doing? 236 00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:57,578 What do you mean? 237 00:13:57,718 --> 00:13:59,478 You're trying to set me up with this woman. 238 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:04,250 I thought it'd be nice for you to have a play date with someone your own age. 239 00:14:04,390 --> 00:14:05,803 And if we get along swimmingly? 240 00:14:06,998 --> 00:14:08,097 Hankie. 241 00:14:08,275 --> 00:14:10,561 I had to leave you, remember? 242 00:14:10,852 --> 00:14:12,543 I'm not holding a torch here. 243 00:14:12,683 --> 00:14:14,842 And you need to get on with your life. 244 00:14:15,263 --> 00:14:18,311 And you need to get in touch with your emotions, woman. 245 00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,112 He says he's not used to dating. 246 00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:36,408 Nobody likes you. 247 00:14:36,548 --> 00:14:39,229 You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. 248 00:14:39,689 --> 00:14:41,971 Now smile, you fucking douche. 249 00:15:10,523 --> 00:15:11,530 Dad? 250 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:13,851 - Dad? - Yes. 251 00:15:14,127 --> 00:15:15,909 - Can I get a dog? - Absolutely. 252 00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:18,078 Yes. As long as it poops here. 253 00:15:18,547 --> 00:15:19,685 We'll talk about it. 254 00:15:21,986 --> 00:15:22,986 I'm sorry, Hank. 255 00:15:23,177 --> 00:15:24,712 - My apologies. - That's fine, Bill. 256 00:15:24,906 --> 00:15:25,957 She's very sweet. 257 00:15:26,222 --> 00:15:27,772 Well, I'd like to propose a toast. 258 00:15:29,044 --> 00:15:30,048 To friends... 259 00:15:32,102 --> 00:15:33,102 family... 260 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:34,814 a new beginning... 261 00:15:35,606 --> 00:15:36,606 And a happy ending! 262 00:15:36,987 --> 00:15:37,995 Well said, honey. 263 00:15:38,135 --> 00:15:40,216 - I'll drink to that. - Cheers, cheers! 264 00:15:44,355 --> 00:15:45,982 So, how did you and Bill meet? 265 00:15:47,483 --> 00:15:49,577 I don't think this is the right setting for that... 266 00:15:49,717 --> 00:15:52,954 I think this is the perfect setting for that story. 267 00:15:53,802 --> 00:15:56,562 Bill hired Karen to redo his place... This place. 268 00:15:56,791 --> 00:15:59,843 And along the way, they talked Zen and the art of the mid-life crisis 269 00:15:59,983 --> 00:16:02,414 and... eventually 270 00:16:02,676 --> 00:16:04,362 fell head over heels in love. 271 00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:06,244 In Karen's case, heels over head. 272 00:16:06,983 --> 00:16:09,713 And Bill got another trophy for his mantel, and... 273 00:16:09,974 --> 00:16:12,717 Karen got to move into her own Barbie dream house. 274 00:16:14,513 --> 00:16:16,682 Talk about being the architect of your very own... 275 00:16:16,824 --> 00:16:18,073 Happy ending! 276 00:16:18,512 --> 00:16:21,387 - Got it. - That's a bit of an oversimplification. 277 00:16:21,694 --> 00:16:23,958 - But I'm not surprised. - Floor is all yours, Bill. 278 00:16:24,238 --> 00:16:26,184 - I'll pass. - That doesn't surprise me. 279 00:16:27,079 --> 00:16:28,495 How did you and Karen meet? 280 00:16:28,758 --> 00:16:31,002 - Some other time, sweetie. - Mia, I don't think... 281 00:16:31,195 --> 00:16:33,153 What? I'm curious. Come on! 282 00:16:33,415 --> 00:16:35,021 Karen's not a big fan of memory lane. 283 00:16:35,292 --> 00:16:36,532 - I'll tell it. - Rebecca. 284 00:16:37,627 --> 00:16:40,544 Mom was going to art school and playing bass in this downtown noise band. 285 00:16:41,561 --> 00:16:43,655 Dad had just published his first novel. 286 00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,219 They met cute at... What was it called again? 287 00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:48,189 - CBGB's. - Right. 288 00:16:48,329 --> 00:16:50,037 He thought she was pretentious, 289 00:16:50,187 --> 00:16:52,863 and she thought he was way too pleased with himself. 290 00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,628 But they had sex anyway. 291 00:16:55,436 --> 00:16:57,445 In the morning, he made her breakfast, 292 00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:59,829 and she talked about her plan to move to Seattle 293 00:16:59,969 --> 00:17:01,306 so she could stalk and marry... 294 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:02,930 Chris Cornell. 295 00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:04,320 Right. 296 00:17:04,743 --> 00:17:06,367 But then she read dad's writing. 297 00:17:07,263 --> 00:17:08,370 And that was it. 298 00:17:09,749 --> 00:17:11,514 Nine months later, I was born. 299 00:17:12,570 --> 00:17:14,458 They never got married, of course. 300 00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:17,303 But they stayed together a long time. 301 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,032 A lot longer than most people do. 302 00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:30,195 Oh, my boyfriend's here. I got to go. Bye, daddy. 303 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,256 Good night! 304 00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:37,586 - Bye, honey. So long. - I wish I could tell 305 00:17:37,726 --> 00:17:39,968 an interesting story about me and my ex, 306 00:17:40,108 --> 00:17:43,231 but it's really just L.A. cliché number 4b. 307 00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:44,893 He was sleeping with his assistant. 308 00:17:45,070 --> 00:17:47,310 Oh, shit. That happens. 309 00:17:47,572 --> 00:17:49,419 - His name was Ted. - Your husband? 310 00:17:49,685 --> 00:17:50,764 His assistant. 311 00:17:53,154 --> 00:17:54,818 - Could be worse. - Really? How so? 312 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,475 Well, instead of finding out that your husband was gay, 313 00:17:57,615 --> 00:18:00,232 you could've found out that he was a... 314 00:18:02,301 --> 00:18:04,649 scientologist or something like that. 315 00:18:05,874 --> 00:18:07,635 I'm a scientologist, Hank. 316 00:18:10,772 --> 00:18:11,936 Or a Nazi. 317 00:18:13,806 --> 00:18:15,113 Or Al Qaeda. 318 00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:18,008 - Keep trying. - See, this is what I love 319 00:18:18,309 --> 00:18:21,136 - about L.A. is the diversity. - My bet you do. 320 00:18:22,999 --> 00:18:24,192 The Eagles! 321 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,511 Eagles of Death Metal. 322 00:18:27,737 --> 00:18:29,567 Cool. Right on. 323 00:18:30,049 --> 00:18:31,984 I liked having you here tonight. 324 00:18:32,171 --> 00:18:34,650 Well, I liked being here tonight. 325 00:18:35,117 --> 00:18:36,129 Bullshit. 326 00:18:36,318 --> 00:18:38,696 Oh, it's a pleasure doing business with you. 327 00:18:41,174 --> 00:18:43,116 I hate to burst your bubble, sweetie, but... 328 00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,627 that movie has nothing to do with your old man. 329 00:18:45,939 --> 00:18:49,731 Of course it does. Your novel, while very much an exercise in nihilism, 330 00:18:50,142 --> 00:18:51,898 is firmly rooted in romanticism. 331 00:18:52,568 --> 00:18:53,807 You read the novel? 332 00:18:55,025 --> 00:18:56,467 Jesus fuck. 333 00:19:03,341 --> 00:19:05,434 You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain. 334 00:19:05,763 --> 00:19:08,101 - Where'd you get that old chestnut? - Bill. 335 00:19:08,559 --> 00:19:10,311 I was wearing my Cradle of Filth t-shirt. 336 00:19:10,961 --> 00:19:12,913 The one with "Jesus was a C-word" on the back. 337 00:19:13,484 --> 00:19:14,877 That's my girl. 338 00:19:16,539 --> 00:19:18,060 But I do pray sometimes. 339 00:19:18,774 --> 00:19:19,777 Sort of. 340 00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:21,485 What do you pray for? 341 00:19:22,323 --> 00:19:25,384 That you and mom work out your shit and we move back to New York. 342 00:19:28,427 --> 00:19:31,253 No, honey. You don't owe me anything for that one. 343 00:19:33,628 --> 00:19:35,346 Dad? 344 00:19:35,534 --> 00:19:36,858 Are you okay? 345 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,369 But I'm working on it. 346 00:19:47,847 --> 00:19:49,152 Can I get a dog? 347 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,427 Oh, you're good. 348 00:19:53,069 --> 00:19:54,370 You're good. 349 00:20:03,010 --> 00:20:04,250 Son-ja. 350 00:20:04,732 --> 00:20:06,551 Hey, look, I'm sorry about before... 351 00:20:06,776 --> 00:20:09,728 What I said. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about half the time. 352 00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:12,429 - Ask anybody. They'll tell you. - No worries. No worries. 353 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,794 You want to... You want to get fucked up? 354 00:20:24,982 --> 00:20:26,400 Why are you so smiley? 355 00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:29,510 There's nothing quite like getting stoned on the very bed 356 00:20:29,775 --> 00:20:32,559 that your ex-domestic partner shares with her fiancé? 357 00:20:34,155 --> 00:20:35,731 It's the little things. 358 00:20:38,422 --> 00:20:39,749 Could you do me a favor? 359 00:20:40,144 --> 00:20:41,299 Absolutely. 360 00:20:47,582 --> 00:20:48,624 Tell me what you think. 361 00:20:53,931 --> 00:20:54,940 Honestly? 362 00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:57,250 Yeah. Honestly. 363 00:20:57,919 --> 00:20:59,962 I'm, forty-something years old. 364 00:21:00,689 --> 00:21:03,254 I don't have time to play games. I need to know the truth. 365 00:21:08,605 --> 00:21:10,539 Your breasts are obviously real. 366 00:21:12,296 --> 00:21:14,502 And, um, you have... 367 00:21:14,878 --> 00:21:16,624 an abundance of pubic hair, 368 00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:18,396 which is really nice. 369 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:21,128 And, um... 370 00:21:21,452 --> 00:21:23,712 there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. 371 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,269 I'd say aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, 372 00:21:28,409 --> 00:21:32,419 you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long long time... 373 00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:35,884 Thank you. 374 00:21:36,842 --> 00:21:38,081 It's my pleasure. 375 00:21:41,058 --> 00:21:42,645 Would you do mean other favor? 376 00:21:44,551 --> 00:21:45,688 Would you fuck me? 377 00:21:46,624 --> 00:21:49,248 My husband recently left me for a guy named Ted, 378 00:21:49,751 --> 00:21:51,744 and right now all I wanna do is get fucked stupid 379 00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:53,377 by a guy who actually likes women. 380 00:21:54,282 --> 00:21:55,438 If that's okay with you. 381 00:21:56,692 --> 00:21:58,502 I'd be lying if I said I never wondered 382 00:21:58,822 --> 00:22:00,886 what it might be like to violate a scientologist. 383 00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:06,654 You must be looking like Art Garfunkel down there lately. 384 00:22:08,151 --> 00:22:09,903 Oh, my god. You're obsessed. 385 00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,452 You haven't been in for a wax in months. 386 00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:16,369 So either you're taking your lady business elsewhere 387 00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:18,750 or you're sporting a ginormous hippie bush. 388 00:22:18,890 --> 00:22:21,803 You know what? I hate that shit. I just came to keep you in business. 389 00:22:24,459 --> 00:22:27,383 And I just want you to be happy and hair-free. 390 00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:30,073 Well, I am happy. 391 00:22:30,580 --> 00:22:32,199 Thank you very much. 392 00:22:34,671 --> 00:22:36,265 Are you sure you're not making 393 00:22:36,527 --> 00:22:39,017 a deal with the devil that your ass can't cash? 394 00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:41,058 What does that even mean? 395 00:22:43,647 --> 00:22:44,699 What? 396 00:22:47,303 --> 00:22:48,449 What? 397 00:22:48,759 --> 00:22:51,256 Are you totally serious about marrying this guy? 398 00:22:51,561 --> 00:22:53,449 Yes. Why? 399 00:22:54,107 --> 00:22:56,135 I love him. He loves me. 400 00:22:56,295 --> 00:22:57,619 He's great with Becca. 401 00:22:57,970 --> 00:22:59,248 I mean, what else is there? 402 00:22:59,718 --> 00:23:00,864 What about Hank? 403 00:23:01,606 --> 00:23:02,967 What about him? 404 00:23:03,574 --> 00:23:06,522 He loves you. He's trying to get his shit together. 405 00:23:06,891 --> 00:23:09,110 He has been trying to get his shit together 406 00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:10,975 since the day we first met. 407 00:23:12,764 --> 00:23:16,390 And the sex with Bill? Is it good? 408 00:23:19,104 --> 00:23:20,991 Yeah. It's different, you know? 409 00:23:23,202 --> 00:23:24,254 Come on. 410 00:23:26,508 --> 00:23:27,922 I want to show you my house. 411 00:23:28,062 --> 00:23:29,494 Oh, my God. 412 00:23:30,938 --> 00:23:32,816 My house is my art. 413 00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:38,906 I don't think Tom and Katie would approve of what we're doing right now. 414 00:23:39,046 --> 00:23:40,591 Oh, God. Shut up and fuck me already. 415 00:23:40,731 --> 00:23:41,920 Are you clear yet? 416 00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:44,173 Shut up and fuck me. 417 00:23:44,907 --> 00:23:47,019 You are one kinky thetan. 418 00:23:57,074 --> 00:23:58,079 Are you okay? 419 00:24:09,888 --> 00:24:10,893 Right. 420 00:24:24,261 --> 00:24:25,289 Oh, god. 421 00:24:35,297 --> 00:24:37,527 - My painting. - It's all good. 422 00:24:38,075 --> 00:24:39,263 We got it under control. 423 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,642 It's all good. 424 00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:49,350 Okay. We're so high! 425 00:24:49,490 --> 00:24:50,946 I don't know what happened. 426 00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:06,296 You look like ass. 427 00:25:08,279 --> 00:25:09,670 Did we just have sex? 428 00:25:14,472 --> 00:25:15,711 What do you want from me? 429 00:25:16,519 --> 00:25:17,777 Isn't it obvious? 430 00:25:21,084 --> 00:25:24,577 What happened the other night will never, ever happen again. 431 00:25:26,523 --> 00:25:27,838 And why is that? 432 00:25:28,201 --> 00:25:30,136 Because it's sick and wrong. 433 00:25:31,315 --> 00:25:33,892 Well, maybe I'm in the minority here, 434 00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:36,564 but I just don't think there's anything sick 435 00:25:36,704 --> 00:25:40,173 and wrong about a little fucking and punching between consenting adults. 436 00:25:40,512 --> 00:25:42,522 You're not an adult, for one. 437 00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:45,588 You dirty old man. 438 00:25:48,173 --> 00:25:49,919 Well, I guess I'll just have to... 439 00:25:50,154 --> 00:25:52,717 get out my vibrator and read your blog. 440 00:25:53,115 --> 00:25:55,233 That's cool. Then it won't be a total waste of time. 441 00:25:57,070 --> 00:25:58,422 I thought it was cool. 442 00:25:59,070 --> 00:26:00,359 I was like, "Hey... 443 00:26:01,039 --> 00:26:02,457 "I totally fucked that guy." 444 00:26:06,968 --> 00:26:09,296 - Must be weird, though. - What? 445 00:26:09,801 --> 00:26:12,487 Becoming the employee of a man you so clearly hate. 446 00:26:13,509 --> 00:26:14,918 What are you talking about? 447 00:26:16,860 --> 00:26:18,006 My father... 448 00:26:18,418 --> 00:26:20,043 He owns Hell-A Magazine. 449 00:26:21,045 --> 00:26:22,153 Mia, is that you? 450 00:26:23,718 --> 00:26:25,007 Coming, daddy. 451 00:26:39,751 --> 00:26:41,241 Always a pleasure.