I got a credit card! I got a credit card! I got a credit card!
Mwah! Thank you!
Are you mental? Oh, my God, you shocked me.
Me? That's rich after last night. Yeah, sorry, I was a bit drunk.
Never(!) Well, you could have come with me, instead of sitting in front of Masterchef all night.
Oh, John! I do not fancy John Torode.
Doable, you said. Of the two! Admit it!
Why haven't you got a hangover? You're crazy with sex starvation.
How can you blame me? I was in the canteen yesterday, thinking, "There's not one bloke here I fancy. "
Not one. Cheer up, babes. One day your prince will come. Or we could become lesbians.
Oh, can I watch?
Oh, this is Thor, as in Swedish.
Norwegian. It's a god, or something.
Isn't Thor also a name for a...?
A rocky protrusion. Yeah.
OK. I'm going back to bed. Oh, no, come shopping with me.
My treat. We'll go and get some new gear and, you know, maybe next week go clubbing.
What, me, you and the Viking? I don't think so. You guys actually live off condiments.
No, not with him. Me and you. A girls' night out (on the pull.)
I am just trying to help.
It's been 18 months, babes.
In Merthyr, that would classify you as a born-again virgin.
Too picky, you are.
Why? Because I want an actual relationship, not a quick wrestle with some Norse sex god?
Hey! Don't knock the wrestling.
Wrestling's good. Just get back in the game is all I'm saying.
OK. I'm not going clubbing, though.
Just do something. I will. All right, now you get lost. I'm going to get some sleep.
We do have our first night shift today, remember?
Well, whatever it is you planning, you're still going to need new clothes.
Yeah, yeah. Shut the door, will you?
Simon?
Are you awake? No.
Good.
I just need to ask...
What it is...
I'm kind of tired of being single - sitting around, waiting to be asked out. All right, OK.
So, I've decided to be proactive, which is why I wanted ask you... Yeah?
.. if you'll take some photos of me. Yeah, of course. You will?
Great. You've got a good camera, haven't you? Lots of mega pixels and stuff.
Yeah. Photos, like...?
Head shots to put on the internet for dating.
Yeah. Yeah, that's fine.
How about Bala Babe?
I'm not from Bala, am I? What about Gogeous - like gorgeous gog?
Gogeous. Cheers, but I'm not calling myself that.
Come on, Ameer, it was your idea. His idea? Why was it my idea?
You were talking about the other day, internet dating is the equivalent of a DIY arranged marriage.
Did I say that exactly? It sounds like you, exactly.
You put the thought in my head is what I mean. What's wrong with using your own name?
Do you think that good idea? Why not? He's full of them.
See you. Why don't you come with us? No, you know, early bird.
Gets to lick the consultant's bottom.
Thank you. I can't believe he double-bogeyed from there.
I know. It was a stone-cold birdie. Clearly 24 isn't his only handicap.
My handicap is pretty decent, actually - 16- so I could give you guys are a useful game if you want.
What would be useful, Dr Mowad, this transfer from the Trinity,
Mrs Patel, her MRI scan results have gone AWOL.
If you could hunt them down by the morning,
it'd be nice to know if she has colon cancer, diverticulitis or indigestion.
If anyone is going to look stupid on ward round,
I'm sure we'd all prefer it not to be me, eh?
So, bed three, Danny Quinn. 37, patient of Mr Jacobs.
Having paricentesis to drain acidic fluid due to pancreatic tumour.
About six litres. Now, he's going to needs an infusion in case of hypotension.
We don't have a vacuum, so we have to let good old gravity do the job.
Dr Matthews.
Have you got wind? What? Either go out and fart or join the meeting, will you?
I quite like that one. Really? Looks a bit flatulent.
Talking of, I'd better go and do that PR on Mrs Phillips.
What do you reckon I should say for ideal first date?
Um... turn up naked, bring beer, put out.
Seriously! Where would you go?
What? Around here? Tinkins Wood. That's the burial chamber.
So? Fresh-air, Neolithic bones, what's not to like? You are deeply weird, Simon Strettle.
It must be here. It's not. From the Trinity?
They said Mrs Patel's MRI scan was definitely sent with her paperwork, so where the hell could it be?
If I knew that, we wouldn't be having this conversation, Colombo!
What is she...? Why is she...?
You just made the shortlist.
Huh? Mrs Patel is auditioning husbands for her granddaughter.
I'd say you're in the front running.
Clever, young, Asian, doctor.
Three out of four's not bad.
Have you any idea where else that scan could be? Been to Radiology? Yes. Medical records? Yes.
Reception? Yes. Mr Hill's office?
Ooh! Sorry! Watch yourself. Mr Jacobs, Gastroenterology. Ralph, this is Dr Cath Llewelyn.
< So, you're off to another Trust do?
You make it sound like consultants do nothing, but go to champagne receptions, Cath.
If only. No, the patient always comes first, no matter what grade.
What are you doing? Mary has been looking for you.
I hoped she wouldn't notice. Kind of did. Where have you been?
It's a match day. I couldn't get a taxi. Anyway, I'm here now.
Quality not quantity, they say. Good luck saying that to her. Where were you when you saw her?
Going to MRI. Then you found me there.
Oh, please. Back me up and maybe I'll get away with it.
Or maybe not.
He looks quite nice. What's wrong with him?
Oh, nothing, for a pimp.
OK.
What about him?
A werewolf? He's got a mono-brow. You're not helping. I am helping.
I'm helping you not end up with some freak. Unless you're attracted to freaks, are you?
You'll be the first to know, Mr Neolithic Burial Chamber.
Cath says I'm too picky as it is. What? No way. Not picky enough.
You need to be way more selective. Aim higher. Way higher.
How is that higher?
He's a vet. He's called himself Dave The Groove Slave. Come on.
Simon? Bed six needs... Oh!
What you got there? Hmm.
He's not bad. Who? Dave The Groove Slave? Obviously into music.
Obviously up himself. It's hard coming up with a good user name. Took me ages.
Psycho Bunny Boiler already taken, was it?
Analgesia for bed six and the stuff for bed three's paracentesis. All right, well, what do we need?
Did it work, then? Did you get any dates? Yeah, loads.
One was this international rugby player. Bloody hell, that's massive!
That's what I said to him. I'm in a Carry On film.
You'll feel a lot better with all this fluid out of you.
And hopefully I won't wheeze over my vows. Are you getting married?
Tomorrow, yeah.
Oh, we will have to do what we call our platinum care package.
Oh, no, it's fine, thanks. We don't want any fuss.
We're just doing their legal bit now, none of the proper wedding stuff -
cake or dress. We'll do all that later. When he gets home.
Can you pass the, um...? Oh, my God!
It's a bit of a monster. It's nothing to worry about.
Have you any idea yet when Danny's biopsy results will come back?
Well, as far as I know, Mr Jacobs is still waiting on cytology.
And I think there's some sort of experimental drug.
Simon, can you chase that up?
OK. Are you happy for Dr Strettle to do this under my supervision?
Yeah.
Cerys, why don't you get some coffee, hun?
Go on. It'll be fine.
Something Ameer said. It's not an arranged marriage, is it?
Yes, Ameer is selling me to his cousin for a pair of camels.
Just tell me it's not speed dating. No, it's not speed dating.
Internet.
See, this is why I didn't tell you. No, no, no. It's just...
this is a sweet shop and we are behind the counter.
Visitors.
I bet you the washing up I can get his number.
Pleased to meet you.
Just did my first lumbar puncture.
My first paracentesis.
Found the MRI scan yet? Oh, yeah, it's just...
What's with the penguin suits? Some Trust dinner thing. Oh!
Simon. Make it quick, mate, I've got a hot date with a chicken tikka ready meal.
I've been chasing that trial drug for Danny Quinn. Mary said you might know where I could find it.
Yeah, Germany. Germany? Yes. Wouldn't it be easier to administer if it was here?
What's the point? It's not going to do him any good, mate.
He'll be dead in a fortnight or so. Hey, you don't know that. This drug may work. Ah.
Believe in miracles, do you? Fine. Organise air freight if you're so keen. Sprechen sie Deutsch?
Ein Bisschen, ja. Sure!
Schweinhund!
Right, so it is your turn. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, yes.
Oh, God, look at him. Now, quick, go, he's leaving. Go.
Tomorrow.
It's a flight from Germany.
I've tried that. The trains...
Look, never mind.
No. OK, thanks...
for nothing.
Try and drink it.
It's good for shock.
Is it true? What have you been told?
The CAT scan showed a mass, the consultant said.
A tumour on the pancreas, but it could be benign, operable. They were doing some tests.
I didn't think they'd come back - the registrar said they hadn't come back yet, so...
Then what you overheard may not necessarily be the case.
The stupid GP had him on antacids for ages.
Indigestion, he said.
Indigestion, God!
A few months ago we were planning our wedding, like we had all the time in the world.
It's in three weeks.
Danny said we should just get the legal bit sorted now,
in case anything went wrong with the operation,
but we're still going to have the proper wedding.
Mum and Dad are coming over from New Zealand...
I can't...
Oh, God, I don't want him to die!
Of course you don't.
I have to know.
Please.
Help me.
Would your motorbike courier be able to pick the package up at the airport
and deliver it straight here?
Brilliant.
Yeah, I'll send the e-mail now.
OK.
Thanks, you're a life saver.
"Looking for a mature man, bearded, folky and into cider. "
Cath? Can I have a word? Did you get his number?
Who? Oh, him, no. Listen, did you say you met Jacobs earlier?
Here you are. Hi.
Cerys, this is Dr Llewellyn.
Hi. Pleased to meet you. She has arranged for Mr Jacobs to talk to you.
It's giving me quite a lot of gyp.
We can't have gyp, can we? Don't worry. Dr Mowad will be here soon.
See.
Looking brighter already.
You didn't tell me it was her.
That's because I wanted you to come.
It was my belief you hadn't had Danny's biopsy results back yet.
Had one lot, waiting on the second. Cytology didn't find any malignant cells in the first batch.
So doesn't that mean it's benign, operable?
No. We were hoping to operate, but once patients have reached this stage, it's mostly too late.
What about the trial drugs? Dr Strettle has arranged for them to be air-freighted from Germany.
It's a long shot.
It might buy us some time. It won't hurt, at any rate.
Look, I am going to make an appointment for your partner to talk about chemotherapy,
but I wouldn't hold out much hope. Why didn't you tell Danny?
He knows.
I thought you were getting married here tomorrow.
To get married in hospital, the marriage registrar needs a letter
from the attending doctor to confirm that the patient is terminally ill.
I wrote the letter a short while ago at your partner's request.
I'm sorry, I really have to go, I'm in the middle of a... thing.
And they bang on at us about our bedside manner.
It's OK. Relax now.
This will cheer you up.
Ta-da!
Suits you. I think it suits you more, which is handy...
because it's yours. What?
Cath, I can't afford this. Well, you don't have to, it's a present.
Thanks, but I'm not a charity case. I never said you were, babes.
I know you'd never shell out for something like that for yourself.
So not only do I dress like Wurzel Gummidge, I'm tight now as well?
Um... No, but you are quite careful...
Ooh!
I know what you need. What else do I need, Simon? A cup of coffee. Come on.
There.
What Cath does not realise is that all her helping
makes me feel like some sort of loser,
who doesn't dress right, doesn't go out enough, doesn't...
sleep with enough guys.
I think you do.
Wha...? Um, dress right, not...
I've got to check on those cancer drugs.
I'm quite happy with who I am.
I'm happy staying in and watching MasterChef, you know.
Well, cooking doesn't get any tougher than this.
Yeah. And if a bloke doesn't appreciate me for who I am,
then he's not right for me anyway, is he?
They're on the flight from Hamburg.
Hang on.
Can I see if there's anyone out there who actually wants me as I am?
COUGHING AND RETCHING
Hey, Penny, there is no need to call Simon. I'll write him up for some cyclozine.
It must be nerves. Big day.
Yes, so I've heard.
They all look like Gandalf.
Gandalf the child molester.
I don't get it. Why is that only freaks, geeks and Hobbits have added me to their favourites?
It's me, it must be.
It's not you. It is.
It is the story of my life. Love-life, anyway No, listen...
That's why I've decided to forget about dating for now and just concentrate on work.
Easier all round, isn't it?
Well, yes, but I'd...
Can you hear a beeping sound?
When did they change the number?
They haven't. Oh, man, I'm tired!
Cerys told Rhian they've decided to do the legal stuff now,
just in case anything goes wrong with Danny's operation.
So their wedding in three weeks, could be...? A funeral. They needn't worry about catering the wake.
Simon! What? So all they're going to get for a ceremony is here. Blimey,
that's hardly a dream wedding.
We should do something. I could order a few things from the supermarket online.
Brilliant. If they can't get confetti, get rice. Rice is good. How are we going to pay for it?
I've maxed out my credit card. Me too. I'm boracic. So are you.
What's the point in it, except to buy a bit of happiness?
Sorry about earlier.
I'm sorry too. I overreacted.
Oh, crap! Her again!
Mrs Patel, will you just tell me where it is hurting now?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Look, I found that photograph I was looking for.
What photograph? Of my granddaughter.
I'm telling you, she'd be perfect. Here.
Hmm?!
That's not her! That's her mother.
Now, where is it?
Sister? Doctor? Hypothetically...
Can't find Mrs Patel's scan, can you? No, and yes I did. What?
Looked in Mr Hill's office and, yes, even behind the radiator. OK.
If you really want to know... I don't.
I've been traipsing around the hospital half the night looking for the damn thing.
Oh, well, at least you're in comfy shoes.
Sexy.
(Oh yes!)
(No!)
Doctor, don't worry, she won't be giving you any more grief.
I told her you're a tranny.
You did what?!
You're welcome.
Mr Hill? Mrs Patel's scan results. I found them.
Ah! I don't need them any more.
Excuse me.
Nana!
It's good to see you, darling.
You can't just give up after one day. Yes, she can.
What did you expect, George Clooney at the first click of your mouse?
You've got to kiss a shed load of frogs first.
Hi. Someone order a package?
Vorsprung durch technik, as they say in Germany.
Thanks for...
Oh, thank me if they work.
How are you feeling today?
Lighter.
Six litres lighter. At least you won't be wheezing over your vows.
How long have you guys been together?
Ten years. Eh?
We knew each other for two before I asked her out.
With somebody else, was she?
No. It's a stupid thing. I just faffed around,
too scared she'd say no.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Might want to check your own.
What?
Oh!
Is she the one you...?
Forget it. Let's get you spruced up, ready for the big day. Come on.
At least you and Cerys got it together in the end.
I mean, ten years is just amazing. Don't kid yourself.
Seriously, find someone who makes your pulse race, and 100 years isn't enough.
It's just all so complicated.
No, it isn't. Seize the day while it's there to be seized. I tell you,
I'd give anything now to have had those two extra years with her.
Ta-da!
What's this? Platinum care package.
Compulsory for every hospital wedding. No exceptions.
My God, look at you.
I wanted you to see me in it at least once.
Sorry.
Rhi!
Hiya!
Hi. What's up with you? I've been looking for you all over.
Wedding is not till ten. No, no, it's not that.
Well?
I'm going to need that dress.
What's that?
I've got a date.
With who?
With him.
Oh, wow.
PAOLO NUTINI: # Sitting beside you in school
♪ While we'd paint I'd make you laugh
♪ Mine was never very good
♪ Yours looked exactly like your photograph
♪ Looks like I'm growing I'm growing up beside you... ♪
Do you fancy Rhian? No.
We won't tell anyone. Cross our hearts. Hill is leaving.
Who the hell do you think you are? What's this about? Is it really that obvious?
You have to tell her. What?!
Smug! Want to see how we sort this out in Merthyr?
Um... no, but I can tell you how we sort things out in my hospital.
Mary wants you to come in. Well, Ameer gave me the impression...
I'm sorry, Cath, this is about your father.
It's only chocolate.