Previously on Desperate Housewives.
- Gaby discovered a secret... - Oh! Your stomach just kicked me.
- I want you to run the Miami office. - So Carlos played hardball.
- You can't fire me for being pregnant. - I'm offering you a promotion.
If you choose to turn it down and quit instead,
- I can't stop you. - Katherine broke down.
The man I love chose you. It's over.
- Why has this been so hard on me? - You loved him.
- I found a way to spring you from this marriage. - Karl made a plan.
If he violates parole by associating with a known felon,
they can revoke it.
All we need to do is get some ex-con in a room with Orson,
take some pictures, and it's bye-bye, Orson.
That's perfect! And then he'll have to let me go.
Nick made a call.
Agent Padilla? I'm thinking about coming in.
- And evil... - Did you forget something?
- returned to the neighborhood. - What are you doing?
Her name was Emily Portsmith,
and word of her death
spread quickly.
You see, everyone in town knew Emily.
Her family was well known and respected.
She'd been popular in school...
And her customers at the coffee shop adored her.
People were shocked to hear she'd been murdered,
mostly because another young woman
had been attacked just a few weeks before.
Yes, everyone in Fairview now knew
a killer was walking among them,
and they would soon learn...
he wasn't finished.
The next day,
the women of Wisteria Lane got together
for their weekly poker game.
But as it turned out, no one was in the mood to gamble.
The girl at the coffee shop was strangled,
and Julie was attacked the same way.
- There is obviously a madman on the loose. - I'm afraid to leave my house at night.
At least now you have a boyfriend to protect you.
Roy? The man threw out his back peeling an orange.
- I'm on my own here. - So what do we do to protect ourselves?
Down at the hospital where I work,
they offer a self-defense class.
- Maybe we should consider taking that. - That's a good idea.
I guess we could, but you know my motto...
0.38 special is a girl's best friend.
Ooh, I love the pearl handle.
It would look so good with my white suit.
Susan, you should feel it. It's so light.
I don't touch guns anymore,
not since I accidentally grazed Katherine.
Oh, still going with "accidentally," are we?
Oh, hey, honey. We're all gonna take a self-defense class.
You wanna come with us?
Yeah. It might make you feel safer.
Well... I was taking out the trash when I was attacked.
He came out of nowhere,
and I blacked out before I knew what was happening.
If someone really wants to get you, they can get you.
I'm off. Oh, you're sewing Penny's costume?
Yeah, but I'm reading the sports page while doing it,
so they kinda cancel each other out.
Oh... Ahem, I got you this...
a pricey bourbon.
It's 8:45 in the morning, and I'm pregnant.
I think I'll pass.
For Carlos.
It's a "sorry I lied about being pregnant" gift.
I don't need that. I know Carlos.
He loses his temper,
then he calms down and thinks rationally.
- Good-bye. Mwah. - I'd still bring the booze.
I'm telling you, I am too valuable right where I am.
There's no way he's gonna try and send me to Florida.
Bon voyage!
What's going on?
Carlos told us about the promotion in Florida.
Congratulations.
You are going to be so missed around here!
Lynette, where're you going? Rita wrote you a good-bye poem.
Can I see you in my office, please?
What do you think you're doing?
You know I'm not moving to Florida.
Okay, so then we just, uh, change the banner to read,
- "good luck and so long." - No, it needs to read,
- "I told you I'm not leaving. Someone get me a bagel." - Lynette, what can I tell you?
We have an opening for you in our Florida branch.
But here, your job's already been given to Tim.
- Well, tell Tim you made a mistake. - I can't do that.
So I guess this leaves you no choice but to quit.
Look, I know what you are doing, and I am not going for it.
You want me gone, you're gonna have to fire me.
And open myself up to a lawsuit by firing a pregnant woman?
I don't think so.
Then if you don't mind, I have work to do.
Hey.
These aren't my kids.
No. Those... are Tim's kids.
This is his office now.
So...
What office will I be using?
Are you kidding me?
These twins have a bigger office.
Enjoy.
How're you doing?
I'm okay.
Everybody seems to think whoever killed Emily
was probably the same person who attacked me.
Yeah, that's what the police are saying.
And I think that we should do everything we can to help them.
Meaning what?
Maybe now is the time
to tell them about the married man you were seeing.
- He had nothing to do with it. - You don't know that.
Men who cheat sometimes have more than one girlfriend.
Mom, listen. There is no way he could ever hurt someone,
much less kill them.
Okay.
If you're sure.
I am. I mean...
Why would he attack me and then wanna get back together?
Wait. Have you started seeing him again?
No.
- Julie... - Even if I did,
it is my life, right?
That's right. It is your life.
Is it just me,
or was life much less complicated when you were 7?
Sorry I grew up.
Me, too.
Police are concerned
that the strangling of Portsmith
is connected to a similar attack
on a Fairview woman earlier this year.
Anyone with information is being asked to call...
Just think...
If the cops hadn't wasted so much time on Danny,
they might've caught this guy before he did this again, right?
What?
I was there.
You were where?
At the coffee shop.
I got there right when that girl was closing up.
- Oh, please be kidding. - Nah, I wish I was.
And I'm pretty sure I was her last customer.
But did anybody see you?
No, I don't think so, but that doesn't mean
The cops won't figure out that I was there. And if they do...
Yeah, they're gonna wanna come and talk to you again
A... and maybe run your prints.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
I was also thinking
that maybe we shouldn't wait around for that to happen.
No. I'm not moving again. N... not this time.
Look, Angie... Angie... Angie, will you just let me finish?
No, no, no, Nick, I like this place!
I have friends. I have a job.
I... I... I... I feel like a real person here again.
After 18 years of being a ghost, I... I don't wanna give that up.
Fine.
All right, maybe we'll get lucky,
and the cops just won't come.
But honestly,
I don't know how much more luck we got left.
Hey.
Hello.
Are you Lamar Benjamin?
You got a warrant?
Oh, no, I'm not with the police. My name is Bree Hodge.
You know my husband Orson from the State Penitentiary.
Do you have a moment?
I got nothing but moments.
So you're Mrs. Hodge?
Damn.
Flossy did okay for hisself.
Uh, "flossy"?
That's what we called Orson
'Cause he got us all dental floss
and then nagged us to use it after every meal.
- I see. - Pain in the ass.
I was glad when somebody used it to strangle a guard,
and they took it all away.
So how's Orson doing?
Well, uh, to be honest, Lamar,
life on the outside's been a little hard for him.
People can be so judgmental about men who have served time.
And if you're a repeat offender, you can forget it.
Yes.
Well...
I've heard Orson speak very fondly of his prison friends,
especially you.
Really?
'Cause he seemed kind of mad
after I used him as a shield in that yard fight.
Lamar, he just tells that story now and laughs and laughs.
Anyway, he's been feeling a little blue,
and I was hoping you would pay him a visit and cheer him up.
Sorry. I'd be breaking my parole.
They catch me hanging out with other ex-cons,
they can send me back to jail.
Really? Well, that's a silly rule.
Don't worry, though.
Our house is on the end of a very quiet cul-de-sac.
No one would even know you stopped by.
And, of course, I would compensate you...
For your time.
And another 3 when you come.
What the hell?
No harm in a little social call.
But you can't tell anybody I came.
When you get to know me better, Lamar,
you'll find I have no trouble...
keeping secrets.
Hey. What are you doing here?
Your mom told me you were upset.
I told her I knew how to make you feel better.
Mint chocolate chip?
Thanks, daddy.
I know this one's gonna take a lot more than ice cream.
I keep thinking about him.
He's out there, and...
Maybe he's thinking about me.
Honey, honey, he's not.
He knows where I live. He knows what kind of car I drive.
I've been wanting to go to the library,
- but I'm afraid he's gonna follow me. - Look, if you're worried about your car,
- Why don't we switch for a while? - Seriously? I'd drive your fancy car,
and you'd drive my tiny, little compact?
Hey, there's nothing I would not do for my little...
You have air conditioning, right?
Yeah, there's nothing I wouldn't do for my little girl.
You okay?
I'm just having a bad day.
My life has gotten sort of...
complicated.
Why?
Oh, it's... grown-up relationship stuff.
You wouldn't understand.
Okay.
But...
Since you asked...
So I think you're really gonna have fun at Brandon's party.
I heard there's gonna be a pony.
Hey, you okay?
I'm worried about Mrs. Mayfair
Why?
She's not getting any younger,
and it's really hard to meet guys in this town.
Where did you hear that?
She told me.
She also said
mommy stole you from her,
and that makes mommy a bad person.
Buddy...
Your mommy is a great person.
Now why you, uh, sign Brandon's card, okay?
And, uh, I'll be right back.
Mike, watch it.
Did you actually tell my 6-year-old son
that his mother's a bad person?
Well, I would've used more colorful language,
but like you said, he's only 6.
You've never really seen me get angry.
But if you want to,
just talk to my son one more time.
Then you'll know what I'm capable of.
Mike.
I love M.J... I... I... I would never do anything to hurt him.
One more time.
Oh, Julie.
No!
Hello?
Hi. It's your mother.
Am I interrupting anything?
Nope. I'm just at the library.
Oh, really. The library.
Yeah. I thought I'd dive into an old favorite.
And vice versa, I'm sure.
- Huh? - Honey, I don't blame you.
You've gone back to that place because it seems...
Safe and comforting. Am I right?
I guess.
But trust me, it's a bad idea.
Can we talk about this later?
I only have an hour, and I really wanna finish.
Okay, I want you out of there right now!
Mom, I'll see you soon.
You bet you will.
You've been a busy girl.
You got the ex-con booked,
hidden cameras all set up.
Come Friday night...
Showtime.
So what's the matter?
We should be celebrating.
I just hope we're both clear
that these photos are strictly for blackmail.
Of course. We're not actually gonna send him to prison.
- Unless, I mean, we have to. - No, Karl.
Even if he calls our bluff, we are not gonna turn him in.
Excuse me. Um, I'm looking for the person
that belongs to the little blue car.
- She's a redhead. - With a man?
Yeah, she's with a man. The redhead's my daughter.
Your daughter? Damn.
- You look good. - Thank you.
So can you tell me what room they're in?
I may not love him anymore,
but I'm not gonna win my freedom by taking away his.
Now you're angry.
Bree, when you tell me
you could never hurt a man you used to love,
it doesn't make me angry.
It just reminds me why I love you so much.
Don't you worry.
No one's gonna get hurt.
Oh, my god!
Hey, Eric. Can you tell Carlos I'm here for lunch?
I'm gonna run to the ladies' room.
I'll tell him.
Hi, Lynette.
Hi, Gaby.
I'd ask you in, but I don't think
there's enough oxygen in here for the both of us.
No, it's, uh... Comfy.
Hey.
I get that Carlos is trying to punish me.
But enough is enough. You gotta talk to him.
Lynette, you never even came to me to tell me you were pregnant.
- I think this is between you and Carlos. - Okay, I know you're upset,
- But me keeping my pregnancy secret wasn't personal. - Wasn't it?
No. Listen to me. Tom and I are still in debt.
I needed this promotion, and Carlos had already
passed over a coworker because she was pregnant.
I couldn't risk your telling him.
Oh, because you thought I'd tell Carlos, and he'd fire you.
Yes.
So clearly I wasn't enough of a friend for you to trust me.
- N... no. - But now I'm such a good friend.
I'm the only one who can fix it for you?
I'm guessing you're not gonna talk to Carlos.
Good guess.
I can't believe she's dead.
I know. I just saw her a few days ago.
We talked about going to the mall.
Who found her?
The assistant manager.
I was late yesterday. I mean, thank god.
It would've freaked me out.
- Hey. - Hi.
We were just talking about Emily.
Yeah, I didn't really know her,
But I guess we're sort of connected now.
You would've liked her. She was super nice.
I gotta go home.
My mom's so freaked out that this could've been me,
- she wants me around. - I'll give you a ride.
- We should go, too, Danny. - Uh, no, you go ahead.
But... Don't you need a ride?
Uh, nah, I'll walk.
I just wanna talk to Julie.
So you wanna get something to eat?
Thanks, but I'm not hungry.
Well, maybe you wanna go to Emily's funeral together?
Everybody's going.
Danny...
I know you like me,
but I can't hang out with you.
Why not?
I just can't.
It's complicated.
It's 'cause you slept with my dad, isn't it?
Who told you that?
- I figured out a while ago. - If you know that,
- then why in the world would you still... - Because I like you!
A lot.
Do you not see how weird that is?
No, it's... It's okay cause I've forgiven you.
That's... That's nice,
but it's still weird.
Julie, p...
Please, I wanna be with you.
Danny, I am so sorry,
but that is never going to happen.
Come on, if they're gonna come, they're gonna come.
I feel like I spent my entire life looking out windows.
Yeah.
Maybe it's time we stop.
What are you saying?
I'm saying maybe it's time we thought about coming in.
Please tell me you didn't talk to them.
- Oh, my god! - All right. Calm down, all right? I'm not an idiot.
I used a prepaid, and the call lasted less than a minute.
- There's no way they're ever gonna find us. - But still, they know we're alive!
- Don't you wanna know if they're ready to make a deal? - I killed a man.
They'll be ready to make a deal when I got a needle in my arm
- and my eyes are rolled back in my head! - Come on, you don't know that.
You are never talking to them again! Do you hear me?
I still can't get that image of Lynette out of my head.
The only thing missing in that cramped little office
was a hamster wheel and wood chips.
Yeah, I figure a couple more days of this,
She'll be ready to pack her things.
She does deserve this, right?
She lied when she took the promotion.
What... What if her doctor had put her on bed rest?
What if... What if I needed her to fly somewhere?
She could've put the whole company in jeopardy.
Yeah, but that never happened.
And you said she was doing a good job,
and now you're doing all these mean things to her.
Me? This was your idea.
You wanted to put snakes in her office.
Rubber snakes.
We are completely justified here.
You're right.
You're right, which is why we have the opportunity
to do something we never do, Carlos...
Forgive.
Seriously?
Tom and Lynette have been our friends for 15 years.
They gave us sausage of the month last Christmas.
Those were good sausages.
I know Lynette.
She would never set out to intentionally hurt us.
I gotta admit, I do sort of miss those guys.
You should've seen her when I was leaving her office.
She had this look in her eyes. She was so defeated.
You should've seen this look in her eyes.
It was like, "Screw you, Lynette. I win!"
- So that's when you called the lawyer? - Hell, yes. They're not getting away with this.
They are not gonna harass me. I am gonna sue their ass!
And Carlos is being served papers tomorrow.
Wow. You're really getting worked up here.
We are not having angry sex.
Just thought I'd ask.
What did I tell you about putting away those clothes?
I'm serious.
Nap time's over!
Danny?
Danny? No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no! Nick!
Any woman can be the victim of a violent crime.
That is why it's necessary to learn how to defend yourself.
A parking lot, a park, your own driveway.
An attack can happen anywhere. It only takes a few seconds.
Sorry I'm late. I had three parties to prep for.
How tiring that must be for you, juggling all those affairs.
Okay, everyone, team up. I want an attacker and a victim.
Hey, Gaby, you wanna attack me?
Oh, Mrs. McCluskey, I don't wanna hurt you.
Oh, please. I've eaten burgers bigger than you.
- All right, bring it on. - All right, granny. Prepare to break a hip.
So, uh...
Looks like we're partners. Do you wanna attack me?
I could be persuaded.
Now, attackers, I want you to approach your victim.
Oh!
Hey!
Freakishly strong old lady here!
I credit the bran.
Oh, that's very impressive. But the rest of you,
approach your victim from behind.
Place her in a chokehold.
Now, victims, your impulse will be to pull away. Wrong.
You'll just choke harder.
Instead, I want you to push back on your attacker,
using your weight to push him off balance.
- Susan, a little tight. - Oh, I'm sorry.
Ouch.
This feels bad, huh?
Being betrayed by someone you trusted not to hurt you?
- What are you talking about? - I know about you and Karl.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah. Traitor!
Oh! Stop it!
Uh, you can't talk your way out of an attack.
- Jab with your elbows. - I am trying to! Uhh!
Aah!
How could you?! You know how Karl treated me.
Susan, I am sorry. If you will l... Let me explain...
Okay, now, attacker and victim, switch.
- You heard him! Switch! - I am not letting you get behind me!
You've already stabbed me in the back!
Mrs. Delfino, release your victim.
Oh! She is not the victim here!
What about Orson? How could you do this to him?!
You know nothing about my marriage to Orson.
- Orson has put me through hell this year! - Bree, too tight!
Susan, I know you're angry...
But Karl means more to me than just a fling,
and I am not giving him up.
So if that means our friendship is over,
- then that's your decision, not mine. - Uhh!
You're going? We just, uh, got started.
I know,
but I think I've defended myself enough for one day.
Hey.
I just got a call from the lawyer.
They're gonna be serving Carlos any minute.
Wow. You're really going through with this, huh?
Yeah. We're not bad people, are we, Tom?
Look, what Carlos is doing to you
is totally unfair and illegal.
- No, we're good people. - Right, he started it. Screw him.
Yoo-hoo!
Hey!
What's all this?
Uh, candy, flowers, baby gift.
Sort of my way of saying,
"I'm sorry, and here's some crap to prove it."
- Really? - Yeah.
I don't want to fight anymore, and neither does Carlos.
I was hoping we could talk.
Oh, Gaby! I am so happy!
Aw! Here, take it. It's getting heavy.
Aw!
I missed you!
Aw! Um, Lynette?
Honey, we're having a moment here. Please don't spoil it.
I'm not what's gonna spoil it.
Oh. Could you hold on a second?
I'm just... I'm gonna make a quick phone call.
You know what, guys? I don't care what happens.
Let's not let anything interfere with our friendship ever again.
Remember you said that.
Answer the phone. Answer the phone.
What?!
Oh! It's Carlos. I wonder what he wants.
Gaby, you know what you said about our friendship before?
Let's just make a pact that we should...
Hey, babe, what's up?
I will never forgive you for this.
Gaby, please. What about our pact?
We never made a pact! Here, M.J., catch.
You have to understand. I was just protecting myself.
Hello, ladies. What's new?
Lynette's suing Carlos. Here.
Once you apologized, I tried to call the guy off.
Lynette, you wanted to sue us!
That proves that you are not my friend!
- Hey, Karen! Here's some candy. - Trying to cut down.
Really? At your age, why bother?
Please, I need to talk to you.
No, you need to talk to my lawyer.
Hey, Lynette. Got a project for you.
Okay. Who's this?
Steve Matthews from legal.
You know, since we all seem to be lawyering up around here.
Look, I was just trying to protect myself.
No, it's just business.
This is the department's purchases and expenses
from the last fiscal year.
- I'm gonna need all of that itemized... - Done.
by tomorrow morning, 9:00 a.m.
I... hate it when I'm the only one laughing.
This, uh, this is at least two days' work.
Not if you work tonight.
Penny's Christmas pageant is tonight.
You know that. You go every year.
Lynette, are you telling me that you're unable to...
- What was it again? - Unable to perform the assigned task
in a timely manner. - Yeah, that's it.
No.
Tell your undertaker friend
that I will get the assignment done...
in a timely manner.
Great. And will you tell Penny
Gaby and I are gonna have to miss her pageant this year?
And we are so sorry.
Thank you both for coming.
Before we get started, can I get you anything?
Given what you're about to do to us,
- I'll take a cigarette and a blindfold. - No, no. No, no.
I have decided to put aside my rage and sense of betrayal.
I'm here to help you.
- Really? - Not you.
If you are actually considering
having a serious relationship with this man,
then I wanna make sure that you have all the facts.
What kind of facts?
Karl facts.
Karl, tell Bree what you got me for my 30th birthday.
Who can remember? It was so long ago.
Nothing! He got me nothing because he forgot my birthday.
- And it wasn't that long ago. - I don't see the point of...
Now tell her where you spent our tenth anniversary.
- I'm sorry. What was that? - A strip club.
Oh, Karl!
That's nothing.
Now tell her what you wanted for your 35th birthday.
Aw, come on.
He wanted me to ask a friend to join us in the bedroom.
You kept saying I was hard to shop for.
There he is, Bree.
That is the man you say you wanna be with.
Susan, I went into this with my eyes wide open.
I know who Karl was and who he sometimes still is.
But I believe him when he says he wants to change.
And isn't that what you're supposed to do
when you love someone?
Did you say... "love"?
I think I did.
Bree, I have to ask you one question.
Are you drinking again?
No!
Okay, okay, I was just checking.
Well...
If that's really the way you feel,
then you should be with him.
And you have... my blessing.
Really? You can forgive me just like that?
You know, I was doing a lot of thinking
since, you know, yesterday,
and I realized that, uh...
it's hard to find... love.
And when you do, you should grab it.
And who cares what anybody thinks?
And I really do want you to be as happy as I am with Mike.
Oh.
Thank you, Susan.
Don't worry, Susie Q.
I'm going to do right by her.
You really think you can change?
Well, it's easy
when you've found a woman worth changing for.
Oh, I... I... I didn't mean...
Oh! Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Learned that in self-defense class.
- Bye, mom. - Bye, mom.
- Bye... bye! - Hey, we're taking off.
- Okay. - Wish your little angel luck.
Oh, good luck, sweetie.
Now remember, your dad's gonna videotape your pageant,
and we're all gonna watch it tomorrow.
Sweetie, I'm sorry. You know I'd be there, but...
You have to work. It's okay.
Hey, guys! Wait up!
The doctor's putting him under observation for 72 hours.
It's standard procedure for...
A suicide attempt.
It's okay, Mona.
Thanks for everything.
My baby...
What were you thinking, huh?
I'm sorry I called the Feds.
I was trying to make your life easier
after all the things I'd done to make it harder.
Oh, look what I've done to this kid.
November 10th, 1991.
It rained all day. Remember?
Mm... hmm.
You went to the diner
before we went to meet up with the others.
I had pumpkin pancakes.
You didn't have anything.
- I had coffee. - Hmm.
I forget my umbrella in the booth.
And then eight hours later, neither of us existed anymore.
I had to run, but you didn't.
You gave up a hell of a lot just so I wouldn't be alone.
I'd do it again.
I'd do anything for you guys.
I hope you know that.
I do.
Good morning, Lynette. It's 9:00.
Got my reports?
Almost.
So are you telling me you're not done?
I just need one more hour.
Oh, Lynette. If only I needed them by 10:00.
Unfortunately, I told you that I needed them by 9:00.
- Was I not clear? - You were crystal clear.
It was impossible
to get all this work done in a night, Carlos.
You knew that when you gave it to me.
Well, it wouldn't have been impossible
if you'd skipped your daughter's pageant.
I know you went.
Anyway, this is very painful for me,
but I have no other choice
but to terminate your employment.
You're really going to do this?
I believe I'm within my legal rights.
You need to clear out your personal belongings
within the hour, Mrs. Scavo.
I was up all night on this.
That's a shame.
So Mr. Matthews has some paperwork for you to sign.
You're gonna regret this. I'm not gonna go quietly.
I don't care how you go.
I just want you gone.
Oh, good. You're up. I'm Mona Clarke.
I live down the street from you and your folks.
I told them I would take real good care of you.
- Would you like some juice, Danny? - Tyler.
What?
It's not Danny.
My name's Tyler.
Bye, girls. Thanks for coming.
Mike, what are you doing here?
- I'm here to pick up M.J. - But she said you couldn't make it.
- She was picking him up for you. - Who? Susan?
No, your neighbor Katherine.
What?!
Did I do something wrong?
M.J.!
Hi, daddy.
I drove by Eileen's,
And I... I saw my little buddy standing out there.
He looked so forlorn.
M.J., go home.
I figured you were late at some job,
- so I thought I'd do you a favor. - Now.
What did I tell you?
I needed to talk to him, Mike.
He deserves to know the truth.
His mother lies to him.
He needs to know that what you and I had was real.
You and I had nothing.
How can you say that?
It's true.
The whole time I was with you,
all I thought about was Susan.
Every time I held you,
every time I kissed you,
all I was thinking was,
God, I wish you were Susan.
If you mean it,
then please kill me.
It would be less painful.
I don't care enough about you to kill you.
The world is a dangerous place,
and we must learn to defend ourselves
from those who want to hurt us...
That stranger without a name...
an employer who holds a grudge...
the husband who won't let go.
Yes, we all try to defend ourselves,
so we won't get hurt.
Yes, I need an ambulance right away,
4356 Wisteria Lane.
Please hurry. I'm losing a lot of blood.
Until the moment we realize our pain...
can hurt someone else.