1
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Previously on Californication...

2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,079
Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Carr...

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who took my precious little novel,
wiped his ass,

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and transformed it
into this Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

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Ugh!

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- Holy fucknuts!
- Oh, shit!

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What, don't you fuckin' knock?

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You used to be all about the morning sex.
What's going on with you?

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- Anybody home?
- Hey, baby!

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00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,679
Good afternoon, Mrs Runkle.

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What do you want me to do?

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Maybe you want me to make
you wear a ball gag in your mouth.

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- (Mia) You have to come get me.
- I'm a little busy right now.

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Asshole, my teacher...
he's coked out of his mind.

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and he's trying to get me into a threesome.

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You want to go to the movies
with us, Dad?

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It turns out that was
bald old Uncle Charlie,

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- and he's going through a rough patch.
- Uncle Charlie, huh?

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- You cried wolf.
- Maybe I just wanted to see you.

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You're not in love with me, Hank.
You're in love with the idea of love.

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You're running for the hills.

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Oh...

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(Hank) OK, this is exciting.

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I'm ready. I'm all ears.

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"Nothing gold can stay.

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"Nature's first green..."

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Stop. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

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You had 20 centuries of halfway
decent verse to choose from

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and you're going
with some minor Frosty?

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I like it. It's short.

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- And?
- Bleak.

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Hm. And?

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- I saw it in a movie once.
- (Chuckles) Oh.

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Well, then, it must be good. Continue.

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Well, basically it's about
how nothing good ever lasts,

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how, no matter what you do,
it all just turns to shit in the end...

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You know, like you and Mom.

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Ah. Trenchant, if profane, literary criticism.
It's an interesting take.

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I will put that one on your tab, by the way.

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But don't ever think that, honey.

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Just because something is bleak
doesn't necessarily make it true.

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Hair.

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Happy endings may get a bad rap,
but they do happen.

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And when they do,
they're just as true as the unhappy ones.

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So you're saying it is possible maybe one
day you and Mom could get back together?

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Of course. Anything's possible.

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Yes, but is it realistic?

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Who says we have to be realistic?

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- Mom.
- Oh.

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(Clears throat)

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Well, not to contradict your dear old mom,

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who is both wicked smart
and wicked wonderful,

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but, no, we don't have to be...
realistic, that is.

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Not when it comes to love.

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- (Dog farts)
- Oh, jeez.

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- Is that Yusuf? Oh.
- (Knocking at door)

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- Guess that's her.
- Oh!

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Got to change
what I'm feeding that dog...or you.

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- Hello, sunshine.
- I'm double-parked, so I just got to grab her.

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Then, by all means, skip the pleasantries.
But can you do me a favour

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and stop telling our daughter
not to believe in happy endings?

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What's next...no Santa Claus?

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You gonna shit all over
the Easter Bunny, too?

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I think she figured out
the Santa Claus thing already,

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and I do believe in happy endings,

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just not when it comes
to the Ballad Of Hank And Karen.

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Bullshit. We practically made out last week.
That's nothing if not progress.

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I hope to get to second base this week.

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Oh, please. That was an accident.

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- It was an accident?
- Yeah.

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- Your tongue just slipped into my mouth?
- No, other way around.

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The fact that you're making
these lame excuses up

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can only mean one thing...
you're totally into me still.

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- Oh, really?
- Totally.

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(Yusuf barks)

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- Come on, honey.
- (Hank) Goodbye, sweetie.

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(Becca) Bye.

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Hey. Stay gold, Ponyboy.

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There is no fucking soy milk!

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(Sighs) Will you nut up
and learn to digest dairy?

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What the fuck is wrong with you?

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Nothing a brand-new
gastrointestinal tract wouldn't fix.

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Bullshit. Here.

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It's not vanilla, but you
can punish me for that later.

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I'll dust off the whips and chains.

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Ha ha ha. Very funny.

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Seriously. I've been
a very naughty hausfrau.

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You almost died from malnutrition.

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These jokes are never
gonna get old, are they?

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What is a marriage, if not an opportunity

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to mock someone through thick and thin

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while simultaneously exploring
your deepest, darkest sexual desires?

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Yeah, well, let's say one day soon

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we lay off mine and start discussing yours?

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Yeah, like you could handle that.

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Oh, oh, you want to try me?

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I want to do it with a girl.

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(Coughing)

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So, uh, what, this is something you,
um, feel you might enjoy?

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Yeah, sure. I hear it's nice, you know?

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Getting a little work done
by someone who owns her own set of tools.

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But I wouldn't want to leave you out.

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It seems more, I don't know,
honest that way.

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Honest...Right.

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Don't you see what this means?
This is a gift from on high.

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This is a cosmic Get Out Of Jail Free card.

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The whole thing was her idea.

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I'm trying to mentally masturbate about it,

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but an image of you keeps popping
into my head, and that's a problem.

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No, see, if I do this... if we do this thing,

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then all this guilt I've been
carrying around for weeks...

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the massive, crushing guilt...
poof, that is gone.

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I am absolved.

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I know you Hebrews do things
a little differently,

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but last I checked, a ménage à trois
was not a pit stop

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on the road to redemption.

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This could save the marriage.

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So can buying a beach house.

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Or you could try adopting
an incredibly good-looking African baby.

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I hear good things about that.

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Speaking of...

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Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me.
That cocksucker?

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That cocksucker has the good taste

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to want to option your blog
for a nice chunk of change.

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- So play nice.
- How the fuck do you option a blog?

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What is there to option? The title? The font?

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Todd! Good to see you, man.
Glad you could make it.

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- Moody.
- Carr.

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I would stand, but that would expose
my nether-regions to attack.

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I got no beef with you, Moody.
I'm here on business.

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So I'm told by the Fredo Corleone of agents.

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Although I can't for the life of me
imagine what that business might be,

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unless it's to discuss custody
of our retarded love child.

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Let the man talk, will you?

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Todd here has a three-picture
deal at Paramount.

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He's looking to get his sack back
with some seriously edgy material.

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Well, I'm sorry, but my testicles
are not available for time-share.

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It told you this was
a waste of my fucking time.

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Do you know how much shit
a guy like me had to take

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for directing a frothy little romcom?

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You think Antoine Fuqua returns my calls?

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But I did it. I knocked that motherfucker
into the cheap seats.

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And I'm glad I did it. Do you know why?

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Because it keeps the baby mamas
in Juicy Couture?

145
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No, hey, I'm not hating. I'm not judging.

146
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- I got a little baby mama all my own. I do.
- It's true. He does.

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Hey, I'm sensing some common ground
here. Do you remember Karen?

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Yeah, she was way
too fucking hot for this mope.

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That's true. She is.

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She also happens to be
one fan-fucking-tastic architect.

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Is someone looking to pimp out
the McMansion in Baldwin Hills?

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- I own a Ray fucking Kappe house.
- Ray fucking Kappe, huh?

153
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No shit. Guy has a hard-on for architecture
bigger than Brad Pitt's.

154
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Oh, colour me impressed.

155
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What, a brother can't love modernism?

156
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I like this. We're free-associating here.

157
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This is nice. Lines
of communication...wide open. Excellent.

158
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Do you know why I wanted
to work with you again, Moody?

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When you're not wallowing
in narcissistic despair,

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you're the rarest thing
this town has to offer...

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Someone with some goddamn vision.

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I thought it was cos you liked
the feel of my balls on your knuckles.

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Later, Runkle.

164
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Well done, my friend.

165
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I don't know. I feel like we bonded.

166
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Who the fuck is answering
my fucking phones if there's...oh.

167
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- Oh.
- Baby, where have you been?

168
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I had a burst of inspiration.

169
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- Come here, you.
- Hello.

170
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,119
So I was talking to Dani here
about our sexual problem.

171
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- Our what?
- She's totally in.

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- Excuse me?
- Her, me, you.

173
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We had a little girl-to-girl
chat on the subject,

174
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and she agrees with me
about the toolbox thing.

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Oh, shit. I said "tool".

176
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And "box".

177
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OK, uh, Dani, could you
give us just a second, please?

178
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I believe my wife forgot to take
her Librium this morning.

179
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No problem, sir. So, um, hold all your calls?

180
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Yes, Dani, hold all my calls.

181
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Very good, sir.

182
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Wife, have you lost your fucking mind?

183
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This is perfect.
It's exactly what we talked about.

184
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Yeah, talked... as in
hypothetical conversation.

185
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,510
- That's my fucking secretary!
- So?

186
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,679
So, if it goes badly, I'll have to fire her.

187
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Shit, if it goes well, I'd have to fire her.

188
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,399
Either way, I'm out one fucking secretary
and up a giant lawsuit.

189
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I thought you said she was God-awful?

190
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,559
They're all God-awful
until you train them.

191
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,719
- Then they improve.
- What, like dogs?

192
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,639
Come on. You're not gonna do this for me?

193
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,799
- I helped you out with your fantasy.
- Yeah, badly.

194
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,599
Look, just...(Chuckles)

195
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,639
Just pick someone else, that's all.

196
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:51,359
- Like who?
- I don't know...somebody, anybody.

197
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:55,780
Someone from the salon or l...
what about Karen?

198
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,519
The prim reaper?

199
00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,796
She's so tall...and Presbyterian.

200
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,599
The woman's a goddess. She's gorgeous.

201
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,279
I don't want to go where Hank has been.

202
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,759
He probably left booby traps
up there like the Viet Cong.

203
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:10,958
Come on, baby...Please?

204
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,919
I want the little one.

205
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,830
She looks like she knows things.

206
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,473
- Oh, my God.
- You like?

207
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,559
Well, yeah, of course I like.
It's a Ray Kappe house.

208
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,359
Ray fucking Kappe.

209
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,759
That's one of those guys
from architecture school

210
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,319
that used to get you all juiced up.

211
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,999
I thought you'd like to see one
all up close and personal.

212
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,039
Hank, can you get back
in the car?

213
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,439
We're gonna get Tasered
by the Bel Air patrol.

214
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:39,999
My lady.

215
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,560
W-what are you doing?

216
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,599
Just made a little deal
with the caramel-coated devil.

217
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,319
Tasering... you like that?

218
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,279
Is that something you're into now?

219
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,679
(Karen) Oh, my God.
(Todd) It's fucking gorgeous, huh?

220
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,959
Not a lot of closet space, though.

221
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,199
Hank never really got
architecture as an art form.

222
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,639
Too much compromise involved,
too many practicalities.

223
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:05,039
Dude would rather hang out all alone
in his ivory tower, right?

224
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,359
Massaging those precious
little words of his.

225
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,959
Like anyone gives a fuck
if it's an "and" instead of "or".

226
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,399
You got me all wrong.
I try to live in an ivory tower,

227
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,119
but a tide of shit is
constantly beating at its walls.

228
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,199
Don't be impressed.
He stole that from Flaubert.

229
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,679
Hey, Carr, if you don't mind my asking,
how much a place like this set you back?

230
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,959
The feeling of real architecture...
you can't put a price tag on that.

231
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,079
So you do mind.

232
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,439
Makes your heart soar, lifts your soul.

233
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,519
You know what I mean.

234
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,599
It's just incredible.

235
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,199
I think it was Ruskin that once said...

236
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,959
- "Oh, it was Ruskin".
- Shut up.

237
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,839
"Without architecture,
there would be no remembering".

238
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,319
- I like that.
- Yeah.

239
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,799
- That's nice.
- About four, five mill?

240
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,879
I'm so sorry.

241
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,555
Can I just say thank you so much?

242
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,319
It's always been a dream of mine
to see inside this house.

243
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,239
I really appreciate your time.

244
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,519
It's gonna be even more slick

245
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,839
when I have a pool out here,
a little guesthouse,

246
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,239
maybe a screening room.

247
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,759
Plus, I want the whole thing
to be all eco-friendly.

248
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,479
Hank says you're some kind
of genius at that.

249
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,959
No, l...

250
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,839
That's why I was really hoping
you would take the job.

251
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:10,879
What job?

252
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,959
Did I forget to mention
that Carr here is looking for an architect?

253
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,680
I think my work here is done.

254
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:17,719
Me?

255
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,799
What do you think?

256
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,719
Oh, my God!

257
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,220
Oh. I like that.

258
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,879
Want to jump my bones now

259
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,079
or hold out for a situation
with a little more back support?

260
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,159
(Laughs) I did good, didn't l?

261
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,519
You did. Thank you so much.

262
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,479
I'm so excited.

263
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,599
Will you take me home so I can celebrate?

264
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:43,839
- I'm up for that. Let's hit El Pollo Loco.
- No, no, no. I mean with Becca.

265
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,079
Her too. The crazy chicken
does not discriminate.

266
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,959
- Oh, right, it's Wednesday night.
- Yeah.

267
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,319
OK, well, I can celebrate some other time.

268
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,879
You will not stay home alone
on the night of your big victory.

269
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,919
You'd swap nights with me?

270
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,239
Sadly, no, but I will repeat
my original offer

271
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,599
that all three of us
throw down the carbs together...

272
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,359
- man, woman, and child.
- Hank, that's...

273
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,359
You wanted to celebrate. Come on.

274
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,759
- Not with you.
- I want to celebrate with you.

275
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,399
- Invite me over.
- No.

276
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,770
Invite me over. I will cook for you.

277
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,399
- Cook? You?
- Yes.

278
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,479
I have my one dish.

279
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,359
- Not the cheese sensation.
- Cheese sensation!

280
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,879
Yes, five different kinds of cheeses,

281
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,719
including cream cheese,
the people's cheese.

282
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,959
(Laughs)

283
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,559
Don't knock the haute cuisine
of Long lsland.

284
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:30,079
- It'll be like old times.
- Yeah, but which ones?

285
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,839
The good ones, like when we lived
on Charles Street, amongst the gays.

286
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,679
- You hated that place.
- Yeah, but you loved it.

287
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,079
Just like you love
fucked-up architecture like this

288
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,999
and David Hockney
and gigantic fucking earrings

289
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,919
and the complete and utter cliché
of driving west on Mulholland at sunset.

290
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:50,200
You think I don't know these things, but I do.

291
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,919
I'm in, aren't l?

292
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,919
(Chuckles)

293
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,420
Oh, I'm in.

294
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,079
(Footsteps approaching)

295
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,519
(Marcy sighs)

296
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,592
(Clears throat) How do I look?

297
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,234
Good. You look good.

298
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,519
(Sighs)

299
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,559
You think she likes nuts?

300
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,519
Maybe we should offer her
some mixed nuts?

301
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,239
I don't know.

302
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,279
What? You think she's allergic?

303
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,839
How the fuck should I know
something like that? I don't know.

304
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,439
You work with people, these things
come up in casual conversation.

305
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,719
"None for me, thanks.
I have a nut allergy".

306
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,279
I'm sorry. We don't have
that kind of relationship.

307
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,959
Really, I don't know very much
about this girl.

308
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,639
Other than you think
that she's fucking hot.

309
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,559
How am I supposed
to respond to that?

310
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:45,079
What do you want me to say?

311
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,839
You want me to say, "l love you.
This is fucking crazy. Let's not do this"?

312
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,479
Don't yell at me, asswipe!
I am nervous enough as it is!

313
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,719
- Yeah, and isn't that a sign?
- A sign of what?

314
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,799
That we shouldn't go through with this.

315
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,639
I mean, look what we have here.

316
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,559
This...this is pretty great, right?

317
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,799
How do we know we're gonna
be the same afterwards?

318
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,039
The same?
I thought the same was the problem.

319
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,430
What problem? There's no problem.

320
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,980
(Doorbell)

321
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,239
Do you want to get that, or should l?

322
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,740
(Smoke alarm beeping)

323
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,300
Aah!

324
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,820
(Phone)

325
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,479
Yeah? I'm gonna be there in like five...

326
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,278
Oh. Hello, Mia.

327
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,959
Yes. Oh, wow.

328
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,799
Wow. No, I'm sure you're in trouble.

329
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,359
That just...it sounds...

330
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,359
It sounds pretty tragic, actually.

331
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,279
Quite a story. Very familiar, too.

332
00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,079
Oh, that's right. I heard it last week.

333
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,639
Ciao.

334
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,279
Ahh.

335
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,319
Where did you get that bra? That is so cute!

336
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,679
(Clears throat)

337
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,717
Sorry. My bad. Mood killer.

338
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,519
You're not gonna fist me
or anything, are you?

339
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,599
Because I'm not sure
if I'm ready for that.

340
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,433
- Marce!
- What?

341
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,999
Uh, a little less talk might be nice.

342
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,639
Everybody's a fucking critic.

343
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:11,820
Hey, hey. Put me in, coach.
I'll bring it home for you.

344
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,919
Do you think we should...I don't know...

345
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,039
include him somehow?

346
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,540
It's your fantasy.

347
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,159
(Charlie) Uh, hello?

348
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,639
I'm thinking.

349
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,919
I mean, shit, I can sleep
with you any night of the week.

350
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,359
This is not how this is supposed to be.

351
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:38,850
It's a fantasy.
It's not supposed to be at all.

352
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,319
- Hey. Thank God you're here.
- Hey.

353
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,239
- OK, sweetie. I got to go.
- Where you going?

354
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,439
Mia's in some fucked-up
situation with her teacher.

355
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,399
She's kind of drunk or drugs...
I don't even know.

356
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,159
Look, hey, I'm gonna come with you.

357
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,319
- It's not your problem. Stay with Becca.
- I know, but you...

358
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,679
You don't know this guy.
He's like a sex crime waiting to happen.

359
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,039
25 minutes at 300, OK?
Throw that in the oven.

360
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,879
- Why are you going?
- Because I have to.

361
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,279
No, you don't. It's just Mia.

362
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,479
Last I checked,
you guys weren't blood-related.

363
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,599
- Right.
- Your mother needs backup.

364
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,039
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.

365
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,919
Can you stay with Becca?
She's been waiting for you.

366
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,359
You can't handle this guy alone.

367
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,919
He doesn't look it, but he's dangerous.

368
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,959
I think he's dan--Just let me drive.

369
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,719
I'll drive you there.
We'll go. We'll go together.

370
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,280
(Engine turns over)

371
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,949
Here. Do with it what you will.

372
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,949
Or maybe you can dish it out
but can't take it.

373
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,759
Is this gonna hurt?
Cos this looks like it might hurt.

374
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,919
That's kind of the point, isn't it?

375
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,879
I mean, he's done some
pretty bad things, this guy.

376
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,039
He deserves to be punished for them.

377
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,439
(Gasps) Ahh!

378
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:28,831
- Things like what?
- You know, the usual.

379
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,119
Haah!

380
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,599
(Laughing)

381
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,119
Oh, man. I got to get my camera.

382
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,719
Aah! Motherfucker!

383
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,079
- Cocksucker! Shit! Fuck!
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

384
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,479
- You're attached to the fucking chain!
- OK! OK!

385
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,039
- I know!
- Just don't move! Get it off your underwear!

386
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,430
Aaaah!

387
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:50,959
Finally.

388
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,399
You guys got to get this fucking
jailbait out of my house.

389
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,159
Mia, honey, it's me. It's Karen.

390
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,839
Hey, hey, wake up.

391
00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,919
You know what? This isn't just alcohol.
She's taken something.

392
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,879
- Come on, baby.
- Mia. Mia. Hey. Mia, wake up.

393
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,319
- Mia.
- Hank, you came.

394
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,279
- Yes.
- What the fuck's she talking about?

395
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:08,599
You came?

396
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,599
I don't know. She's confused.
Keep your eyes open.

397
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,359
Shit, look at me. Keep your eyes open.

398
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,359
- Sit up.
- Animal, what'd you give her?

399
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:16,719
Do I look like I need
some fucking date-rape drug?

400
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:17,839
It's Valium, for Christ's sakes.

401
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,519
The girl's got a goddamn
Rite Aid in her purse.

402
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,439
(Karen) What?
(Hank) How many did you take?

403
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,759
What? Five, four?

404
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,839
45? Four or five?

405
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,159
See? Nobody's gonna
off themselves with four.

406
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,519
- OK. All right.
- It's all an act.

407
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,239
You know how fucking popular
this shit is with the young ladies?

408
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,599
- We're gonna take you home.
- Do you think it's funny?

409
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,639
This is someone's child here,
you asshole!

410
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,399
They trusted you!
You are meant to be her teacher!

411
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,359
You think I wanted Sylvia Plath
to come over here

412
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,919
and go all fucking Bell Jar on me?

413
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,999
- I'm the one getting manipulated here.
- What?

414
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,239
She comes up to me
after fucking debate practice...

415
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,479
Do you want me to smack you? Do you?

416
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,599
- Oh!
- Oh, shit.

417
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,479
- I bet she feels a lot better now.
- Oh, she did not just..

418
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,199
- Come on, honey.
- Oh, I see two.

419
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,519
- Two what?
- Two pills. Is that a third one there?

420
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,359
- I see sushi. Is that a pill?
- What...

421
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:05,519
- (Squelch)
- Aah!

422
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,479
Let's get the fuck out of here.

423
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,519
Ah, shit, Moody!

424
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,919
Now I'm gonna fucking hurl.

425
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,839
(Groaning)

426
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:15,119
Fuck!

427
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,620
(Groans)

428
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,239
Uh, who's your primary care guy again?

429
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,919
How should I fucking know?

430
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,719
Jesus Christ,
you think these people

431
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,799
are ever gonna get around
to sewing me up?

432
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,119
I'm in considerable fucking pain here!

433
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,479
I'm sorry, OK?
I said it a thousand times.

434
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,599
You know I'm bad
with mechanical things.

435
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,279
Tell that to my missing nipple.

436
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,599
You took off, like, 1 2 layers of skin.

437
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,319
I'm sorry, nipple.

438
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:43,119
Now that I've maimed you,
where am I gonna rest my head?

439
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:46,119
That was, like, my favourite spot.

440
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,620
(Exhales sharply)

441
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,919
Some fantasy, huh?

442
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,639
How the fuck did we end up here?

443
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,119
On some level,
I think you wanted to punish me.

444
00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,759
- I think you both wanted to punish me.
- For what?

445
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,039
Shit, you know...everything.
Husband stuff.

446
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,399
Not me, dickwad. Her.
Why the fuck would she want to punish you?

447
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,519
She barely knows you.
What the fuck does she care?

448
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,119
I'm her boss, OK?
I make her do humiliating things all day.

449
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:13,359
You think she likes that?

450
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,272
- Ow!
- What?

451
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,559
You leaned wrong.

452
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,060
I'm sorry.

453
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:28,039
She's an interesting girl, though, that one.

454
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,952
Fantastic ass.

455
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,260
How is she?

456
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:41,199
Oh, she's fine, she's gonna feel
like seven different kinds of shit tomorrow.

457
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,159
You gonna tell Bill?

458
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,719
Well, yeah. I mean, I have to, right?

459
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,199
Wouldn't you want to know
if your 1 6-year-old daughter

460
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,439
was hanging out with some creepy perv
who's, like, twice her age?

461
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,119
The situation may not be
exactly as it seems.

462
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:55,759
Oh, you've got to be kidding.

463
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,359
- You're on the side of the pervert, right?
- Always.

464
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,839
Somebody's got to stand up
for the creepy common man.

465
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,079
You know, that should be
a lesson to you, Hank Moody.

466
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,709
To me? A lesson to me? Why?

467
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,679
Why did you point your finger at me?

468
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,799
I'm just kidding. It's OK.

469
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,799
You're a great dad.
You have nothing to worry about.

470
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:19,316
I mean, that's the sexiest thing about you.

471
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,759
You want to say good night to Becca?

472
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,919
Mm-hm. Please.

473
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,799
Go, then.

474
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,039
You know, you did need
my backup tonight.

475
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:32,640
You might have killed that guy
if I wasn't there.

476
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,399
- Dad?
- Hey.

477
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,199
What are you listening to, there?

478
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,919
A little falling-asleep music?

479
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,720
Little Joni Mitchell, Blood On The Tracks?

480
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,679
Death Cab For Cutie.

481
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,559
Wow. You really know how to hurt a guy.

482
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,994
Hey, um, I know tonight

483
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,077
kind of got a little ruined.

484
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,953
It's OK. I'm used to it.

485
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,399
Yeah, well, I'll make it up to you, I swear.

486
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,154
- I know.
- Do you?

487
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,039
Sure.

488
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,873
You never mean to let me down.

489
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,798
But you do.

490
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,435
Yeah, I guess I do.

491
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,239
You know, it's all well and good

492
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,119
to talk about happy endings...

493
00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:38,719
But if a person can't deliver,

494
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,792
if he keeps screwing up,

495
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,879
well, eventually,

496
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:48,480
I guess you kind of
just have to say, "fuck you".

497
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,553
Or words to that effect.

498
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,278
♪ When you feel embarrassed ♪

499
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,279
You can keep the change.

500
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,432
♪ I'll be your pride

501
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,473
♪ When you need directions

502
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:19,196
♪ Then I'll be the guide

503
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:24,553
♪ For all time

504
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:33,712
♪ For all time ♪