1 00:00:05,137 --> 00:00:07,038 Have I ever read Snow Crash? Yeah. 2 00:00:07,106 --> 00:00:08,473 Yeah, like for the tenth time 3 00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:09,474 As I was waiting for 4 00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,009 Neal Stephenson to sign my copy. 5 00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:12,177 Okay so then you know the character, 6 00:00:12,244 --> 00:00:13,912 Vitaly Chernobyl? 7 00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:16,414 Um, front man for 8 00:00:16,482 --> 00:00:18,550 Vitaly Chernobyl and the meltdowns, 9 00:00:18,617 --> 00:00:21,419 Pioneer of the Ukrainian nuclear fuzz-grunge movement. 10 00:00:21,487 --> 00:00:22,454 All-around badass. 11 00:00:22,521 --> 00:00:25,056 Yes I know Vitaly Chernobyl. 12 00:00:25,124 --> 00:00:27,025 All right well, they're making it a movie. 13 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,693 That's the part I'm going out for. 14 00:00:28,761 --> 00:00:29,694 No. 15 00:00:29,762 --> 00:00:31,096 Hell yeah. 16 00:00:31,163 --> 00:00:32,464 So you gotta help me with like a take on the character. 17 00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:34,399 Fuck no. Why not? 18 00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:36,267 Vitaly Chernobyl is fucking awesome. 19 00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:38,036 You're so wrong. 20 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:39,070 That'd be like if in "Aliens" 21 00:00:39,138 --> 00:00:41,506 They had cast Kate Hudson to play Ripley. 22 00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:43,208 I would root for the fucking aliens. 23 00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:44,509 Okay, you know what, you wanna be turtle 24 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:47,011 Of my entourage, you gotta start being nicer to me. 25 00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:49,614 Fuck that, fuck Entourage, 26 00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:52,117 And I'd be e, you'd be turtle-- 27 00:00:52,184 --> 00:00:53,218 I'm the Vince man. 28 00:00:53,285 --> 00:00:54,385 Now get my car, 29 00:00:54,453 --> 00:00:55,320 And I'll let you fuck my leftovers. 30 00:00:55,387 --> 00:00:56,721 Henry. 31 00:00:56,789 --> 00:01:00,492 Would you like me to put this stemware in the prep tent? 32 00:01:03,195 --> 00:01:04,929 (loud music) 33 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,366 Ah, 20 minutes late. 34 00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:09,767 You gonna write him up, boss man? 35 00:01:09,835 --> 00:01:10,869 Don't think I won't. 36 00:01:10,936 --> 00:01:12,704 I have a very complex demerit system. 37 00:01:15,541 --> 00:01:18,676 Does the new guy have a daughter, too? 38 00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:20,812 Yeah. 39 00:01:22,781 --> 00:01:23,848 Oh. 40 00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:26,251 Yeah, they're very close. 41 00:01:27,686 --> 00:01:37,954 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 42 00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:41,366 Okay Kyle, you take the South lawn bar; 43 00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:42,567 I'll take the North. 44 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,869 Okay Ron, you and Casey will serve. 45 00:01:44,937 --> 00:01:46,037 And Lydia, you and Roman 46 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,438 Will handle the prep work, okay? 47 00:01:47,506 --> 00:01:48,640 But, Henry... 48 00:01:48,707 --> 00:01:49,707 Oh, Captain, my Captain. 49 00:01:49,775 --> 00:01:50,642 That's gross. 50 00:01:50,709 --> 00:01:52,377 Ron what do you need? 51 00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:53,945 We gonna put out the tip jar today? 52 00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:55,146 There's a tip jar? 53 00:01:55,214 --> 00:01:56,181 We get tips? 54 00:01:56,248 --> 00:01:57,248 Not since Henry took over. 55 00:01:57,316 --> 00:01:58,550 (Ron) I'm just saying-- 56 00:01:58,617 --> 00:01:59,751 I've worked a bunch of these school auctions. 57 00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:01,519 And people just want to show off. 58 00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:02,921 You know, so they wave around their Lincolns 59 00:02:02,988 --> 00:02:03,922 And their Hamilton's. 60 00:02:03,989 --> 00:02:04,989 Like, "look at me! Look at me! 61 00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:07,358 I own a hotel on park place!" 62 00:02:07,426 --> 00:02:08,893 Yeah Ron, you're right, tip jar! 63 00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,828 You know, tip jar! 64 00:02:10,896 --> 00:02:13,131 Tip jar! Tip jar! 65 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:14,199 Tip jar! 66 00:02:14,266 --> 00:02:16,601 No, we are not putting out the tijar. 67 00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:17,535 We're just gonna go with the guarantee. 68 00:02:17,603 --> 00:02:18,536 Is there anything else? 69 00:02:18,604 --> 00:02:19,537 Tip jar. 70 00:02:19,605 --> 00:02:20,905 Yeah, what do I know? 71 00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:22,240 I've only been doing this for like eight years. 72 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,675 What do I know? 73 00:02:24,476 --> 00:02:25,510 What's that? 74 00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,645 I can't hear you. 75 00:02:27,713 --> 00:02:29,013 Can I see you outside for a second? 76 00:02:29,081 --> 00:02:30,148 Sure. 77 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:33,518 What's up Ron? 78 00:02:35,621 --> 00:02:36,554 See what I just did? 79 00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:37,822 What? 80 00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:39,390 I'm modeling managerial behavior. 81 00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:42,126 I removed the actor from the audience Henry. 82 00:02:42,194 --> 00:02:43,728 Okay, see when people are acting up, 83 00:02:43,796 --> 00:02:46,798 You deprive them of the oxygen that fuels the fire-- 84 00:02:46,865 --> 00:02:47,966 Yeah, but Ron, 85 00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:51,302 You were the "actor" in this scenario so-- 86 00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:53,438 Okay take my advice, or don't. 87 00:02:53,505 --> 00:02:54,372 Put out the tip jar, or don't. 88 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,373 Your call Henry. 89 00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:56,774 Okay. Really, I mean-- 90 00:02:56,842 --> 00:02:57,842 But you're gonna be killing yourself 91 00:02:57,910 --> 00:02:58,977 Trying to be their friend. 92 00:02:59,044 --> 00:03:00,812 It's better that they respect you-- 93 00:03:00,879 --> 00:03:02,046 Okay, let's see here, um-- 94 00:03:02,114 --> 00:03:05,049 Hey Ron, those are some pretty vile 95 00:03:05,117 --> 00:03:06,384 Pit stains you've got there, 96 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,186 Why don't you put on a wind-breaker from the van 97 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,488 So the guests don't puke. 98 00:03:10,556 --> 00:03:13,057 Oh and also, if you're fucking 20 minutes late again, 99 00:03:13,125 --> 00:03:14,726 Don't bother showing up. 100 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:22,667 Um, something like that? 101 00:03:36,248 --> 00:03:38,683 Uncanny X-MEN number four. 102 00:03:40,419 --> 00:03:41,953 Holy shit! 103 00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:54,432 So was there like an exact moment 104 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,668 When you knew that you were gonna quit acting? 105 00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:58,636 Yeah I guess when I saw my picture 106 00:03:58,704 --> 00:04:00,972 Next to Joe Isuzu in a TV guide 107 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,607 "where are they now" thing, 108 00:04:02,675 --> 00:04:04,742 I was pretty sure it was the only honorable path. 109 00:04:05,544 --> 00:04:06,778 Why? 110 00:04:06,845 --> 00:04:09,914 I auditioned for this Apatow movie today. 111 00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:10,848 That's great. 112 00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,083 Why do you sound like 113 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,385 You're considering early retirement? 114 00:04:14,453 --> 00:04:16,187 I'm just like, sitting there in the waiting room 115 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:18,356 And there's all these girls 116 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:20,758 And they all look exactly like me, 117 00:04:20,826 --> 00:04:22,193 And I know that they're thinking 118 00:04:22,261 --> 00:04:23,628 The exact same thing that I'm thinking, 119 00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,196 It was crazy, 120 00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:28,966 It was like this flash of insignificance. 121 00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:30,268 So how'd it go? 122 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,803 They laughed, so-- 123 00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:33,671 Well that's good. 124 00:04:33,739 --> 00:04:36,574 It's just this one scene, but it's so good. 125 00:04:36,642 --> 00:04:38,109 I don't want to put too much stock in it, 126 00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,611 But I sort of feel like if I get this, 127 00:04:40,679 --> 00:04:42,480 It'll pretty much validate 128 00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:44,482 Every single decision I've ever made 129 00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:47,285 In my entire life that led me to this very moment. 130 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,321 Wow, well, it's good to put all of your eggs in one place 131 00:04:50,389 --> 00:04:51,689 Where you can really keep your eye on them-- 132 00:04:51,757 --> 00:04:53,791 (phone rings) 133 00:04:53,859 --> 00:04:55,426 Maybe you could keep that on silent? 134 00:04:55,494 --> 00:04:56,861 These are my thick pants. 135 00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:57,895 So I can't feel the vibration-- 136 00:04:57,963 --> 00:04:58,896 Right. 137 00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,031 Hello? 138 00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:02,967 Well what's the audition for? 139 00:05:03,035 --> 00:05:04,836 No, I can't go to Anaheim 140 00:05:04,903 --> 00:05:07,772 Because I have the Sunday groundlings show. 141 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,374 Yeah, fine. 142 00:05:10,509 --> 00:05:13,044 Okay just-- will you send me the breakdown-- 143 00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,946 Okay thanks. 144 00:05:16,248 --> 00:05:17,682 If you're finished with your phone call, 145 00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,817 I was hoping I could bother you for a glass of wine. 146 00:05:19,885 --> 00:05:22,320 Is that a chardonnay or a Riesling you have there? 147 00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:24,989 White wine. 148 00:05:25,057 --> 00:05:27,425 Didn't I say, go with Valhalla? 149 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,394 You did Mrs. Doyle. 150 00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:31,629 You get what you pay for, Ms. Legros. 151 00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:34,031 You're right as usual, Mrs. Doyle-- 152 00:05:34,099 --> 00:05:35,299 I apologize. 153 00:05:37,436 --> 00:05:39,070 I am so sorry, she can be a little-- 154 00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:40,972 Cunty? 155 00:05:41,039 --> 00:05:43,908 Yeah, that's the word, cunty. 156 00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:45,777 Unfortunately, she is the one who's gonna write 157 00:05:45,844 --> 00:05:47,278 A letter of recommendation for my son, 158 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:49,847 So I have to kiss her ass until it's done. 159 00:05:49,915 --> 00:05:51,649 So, groundlings--? 160 00:05:51,717 --> 00:05:52,784 I used to be in groundlings-- 161 00:05:52,851 --> 00:05:54,252 No way. 162 00:05:54,319 --> 00:05:55,286 Let me get nice levels for you, 163 00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:56,287 So everybody can hear you. 164 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:57,555 I need that higher. 165 00:05:57,623 --> 00:05:58,623 How's that? 166 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:01,626 My God. 167 00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:05,930 I can bring it lower. 168 00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,331 (Annie) all right, this is all you need to know 169 00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:08,800 About Los Angeles schools all right? 170 00:06:08,867 --> 00:06:11,869 There are 300 kindergarten slots in top quality schools. 171 00:06:11,937 --> 00:06:14,906 50,000 parents battling it out 172 00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:16,040 To get their kids in. 173 00:06:16,108 --> 00:06:17,909 But your kid gets into a top elementary, 174 00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:20,077 Then they go to Harvard-Westlake or Brentwood, 175 00:06:20,145 --> 00:06:22,013 Straight shot to Yale or Stanford. 176 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,849 How do you get into one of these top quality schools? 177 00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:25,850 Three ways. 178 00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,318 You can be absurdly wealthy, 179 00:06:27,386 --> 00:06:28,319 You can be famous, 180 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:29,687 Or, you can take my path, 181 00:06:29,755 --> 00:06:31,956 Where you volunteer to run the pre-school silent auction 182 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:34,459 Which is why I have officially retired 183 00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:35,760 From the comedy community. 184 00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:37,028 And here I am: 185 00:06:37,095 --> 00:06:41,899 Taking seriously the shit I used to make fun of. 186 00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:44,535 I have spent a year of my life 187 00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,571 Busting my ass mom-wrangling, 188 00:06:46,638 --> 00:06:48,873 And today, the director says if we don't meet our goal, 189 00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:50,575 There's no letter of recommendation. 190 00:06:50,642 --> 00:06:51,909 No. 191 00:06:51,977 --> 00:06:53,511 Janice Werkhoven. 192 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,880 What is that? 193 00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:57,982 It is a wine and cheese basket from Greenblatt's. 194 00:06:58,050 --> 00:06:59,250 Some top-flight bottles in here. 195 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:00,284 A couple 92s-- 196 00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:01,385 Yeah I thought you were putting up 197 00:07:01,453 --> 00:07:03,754 Cooking lessons with Wolfgang puck! 198 00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:06,224 Yeah, that kinda fell through. 199 00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:09,227 At least look me in the eye when you're fucking me-- 200 00:07:09,294 --> 00:07:11,128 Oh but why would you worry right? 201 00:07:11,196 --> 00:07:12,430 Of course those starfuckers 202 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,866 At Penhall academy are gonna take your kid, right? 203 00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:16,834 'cause your husband's movie opened huge. 204 00:07:18,537 --> 00:07:21,739 You don't carpool with her, do you? 205 00:07:21,807 --> 00:07:23,574 Hello and welcome 206 00:07:23,642 --> 00:07:26,077 To the precious lights silent auction! 207 00:07:27,546 --> 00:07:29,714 I'm Mrs. Doyle, 208 00:07:29,781 --> 00:07:32,416 The director of precious lights. 209 00:07:33,485 --> 00:07:36,854 The auction closes at six P.M. Sharp 210 00:07:36,922 --> 00:07:40,825 At which time I expect to see our total 211 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:44,495 Above the 250,000 dollar-- 212 00:07:44,563 --> 00:07:45,663 (phone ringing) 213 00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:58,409 Mark. 214 00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:06,551 (chatter) 215 00:08:06,618 --> 00:08:07,852 Yeah yeah, super tough right? 216 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,853 And then the guy has the-- 217 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,555 Hey so I thought about it, 218 00:08:10,622 --> 00:08:15,526 And um, you might not totally suck as Vitaly Chernobyl, 219 00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:18,195 So if you want me to help you work 220 00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:20,331 On character development-- 221 00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:21,566 Oh you know what, I got it taken care of. 222 00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:24,201 See lane here, is a huge snow crash fan, 223 00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:26,170 Yeah, yeah we've been breaking it down a little bit. 224 00:08:26,238 --> 00:08:28,306 I think I'm gonna play it kinda like Pitt in "12 monkeys". 225 00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:29,907 Unhinged, you know-- 226 00:08:29,975 --> 00:08:31,342 Touch of magnolia cruise. 227 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,344 All testosterone. 228 00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:35,580 Great big balls just dragging in the dirt. 229 00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:36,714 Love it. 230 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,016 Sounds like you guys got it covered. 231 00:08:39,084 --> 00:08:40,751 We got it, it's good. 232 00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:42,320 Can I talk to you for a second? 233 00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:45,556 Thanks buddy. Thank you. 234 00:08:47,492 --> 00:08:48,459 What's up. 235 00:08:48,527 --> 00:08:50,494 Lend me 80 bucks. 236 00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:51,896 Why? 237 00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:54,765 Some dipshit is auctioning off uncanny X-MEN #4. 238 00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:55,900 Right now the bid's at 75 dollars. 239 00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:57,935 It's worth at least four times that. 240 00:08:58,003 --> 00:08:59,637 Oh okay, so that's why all-of-a-sudden 241 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,939 I'm an awesoue Vitaly Chernobyl-- 242 00:09:02,007 --> 00:09:04,308 I said you might not totally suck-- 243 00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:05,309 That's all you got? 244 00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:06,510 Really, to sweet talk me out of the stack 245 00:09:06,578 --> 00:09:08,779 Of 20s in my wallet, that's it? 246 00:09:08,847 --> 00:09:10,915 Dude, you are a terrible actor. 247 00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,049 That's horrible. 248 00:09:12,117 --> 00:09:13,651 Look who's fucking talking. 249 00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:14,719 What? 250 00:09:14,786 --> 00:09:16,153 You're not even an actor. 251 00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:18,689 You're a haircut okay? What does that even mean? 252 00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:19,857 You know the difference between 253 00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:21,626 You and James Vanderbeek" parrot? 254 00:09:21,693 --> 00:09:24,562 The parrot can deliver a line. 255 00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,097 Whatever High School drama coach 256 00:09:26,164 --> 00:09:28,566 Filled the void between your ears with big ideas 257 00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:32,303 Probably just wanted to give little Kyle a couple tugs. 258 00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:34,639 He had no idea he was creating a monster. 259 00:09:34,706 --> 00:09:38,509 Fucking can't act creature from the no talent lagoon. 260 00:09:43,248 --> 00:09:44,915 I'm sorry. 261 00:09:44,983 --> 00:09:46,784 I'm sorry that was-- 262 00:09:46,852 --> 00:09:48,619 I was just-- I was just fucking with you. 263 00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:50,187 Shut the fuck up man. 264 00:09:50,255 --> 00:09:51,422 I'm probably just jealous 265 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:54,959 You know, that you might get a part in that movie-- 266 00:09:56,628 --> 00:09:58,329 I didn't mean it. 267 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,833 Just a haircut, huh? 268 00:10:02,901 --> 00:10:04,201 Fuck you, bitch. 269 00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:05,903 You just took the master class. 270 00:10:05,971 --> 00:10:07,071 Foo! 271 00:10:08,206 --> 00:10:09,807 Good one. 272 00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:12,009 Can I get that 80 bucks? 273 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,947 What is wrong with your people? 274 00:10:17,015 --> 00:10:18,683 They're vulgar. 275 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,584 They're drinking on the job. 276 00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:21,752 Taking personal phone calls. 277 00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:22,987 And you've got one out there 278 00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:25,022 With whom I think you need to have a Frank talk 279 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:27,224 About personal hygiene. 280 00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:29,293 Do you know which one I'm talking about? 281 00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:30,895 I do. 282 00:10:30,962 --> 00:10:32,396 Good. 283 00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,764 Then handle it. 284 00:10:33,832 --> 00:10:34,899 Okay. 285 00:10:36,501 --> 00:10:37,635 My lady. 286 00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,070 You have a very nice day. 287 00:10:40,739 --> 00:10:43,307 Thanks Roman, that was helpful. 288 00:10:43,375 --> 00:10:44,742 Word up. 289 00:10:58,924 --> 00:10:59,990 Oh hey, boss. 290 00:11:00,058 --> 00:11:01,192 Hey-- 291 00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,628 Okay what is this, what're you doing? 292 00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:05,963 I'm you Henry. 293 00:11:06,031 --> 00:11:06,997 You're me? 294 00:11:07,065 --> 00:11:08,799 This job is beneath me so I mope around 295 00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:10,401 And I pop pills and I drink 296 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:11,802 And I have sex with my co-workers-- 297 00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:13,471 Okay so you stole my Vicodin? 298 00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:15,039 Was it stealing at all those parties 299 00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:16,907 When you'd drink the host's booze? 300 00:11:16,975 --> 00:11:18,075 Probably. 301 00:11:18,143 --> 00:11:20,611 Was it stealing when you used to smoke my weed? 302 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,113 Oh you mean when you'd pass me a joint 303 00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:23,547 And tell me not to be a pussy? 304 00:11:23,615 --> 00:11:24,482 I don't think that qualifies. 305 00:11:24,549 --> 00:11:26,050 Now look Ron-- 306 00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,852 You didn't make it easy for me when I was top banana Henry. 307 00:11:27,919 --> 00:11:29,186 Okay so what's good for the goose 308 00:11:29,254 --> 00:11:31,021 Is good for the gander. 309 00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:33,057 Um, that actually means that the same rules 310 00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:34,692 Should apply for men and women. 311 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,026 I'm a man, Henry-- 312 00:11:36,094 --> 00:11:38,262 Ron, you asked me for this job, right? 313 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:39,196 Yeah, and who'da thunk? 314 00:11:39,264 --> 00:11:40,231 You, on top of the world. 315 00:11:40,298 --> 00:11:41,232 And me, working for you. 316 00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:42,333 Huh? 317 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,034 That's like "trading places", 318 00:11:44,102 --> 00:11:45,469 And I'm Dan Aykroyd and you're Eddie money. 319 00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:46,504 Eddie money? 320 00:11:46,571 --> 00:11:48,706 And Mandy is my Jamie Lee Curtis, 321 00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:50,708 She saved me from being a bum. 322 00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:51,909 And Uda-- 323 00:11:51,977 --> 00:11:53,711 Uda is your black lady in the bikini, yeah. 324 00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:54,612 Doesn't matter-- 325 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:55,613 At the end of the movie 326 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:56,781 With Billy Ray Valentine, 327 00:11:56,848 --> 00:11:57,782 He's in a hot tub 328 00:11:57,849 --> 00:11:58,883 And the black lady with the bikini. 329 00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:00,918 Ron it's not "trading places". 330 00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:02,586 You're not Dan Aykroyd, I'm not Eddie Murphy. 331 00:12:02,654 --> 00:12:04,221 I'm definitely not Eddie money, 332 00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:06,323 Just take the wind-breaker, 333 00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:07,892 And put it on this time, okay? 334 00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:09,960 We're getting complaints. 335 00:12:10,028 --> 00:12:12,563 I'm Dan Aykroyd. 336 00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:14,131 You're not Dan Aykroyd. 337 00:12:14,199 --> 00:12:15,766 Says Eddie Murphy. 338 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:17,635 Tell that fucking prick two hit shows in five years 339 00:12:17,702 --> 00:12:20,004 Is enough to get most guys fired. 340 00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:21,205 He must really be sucking the shit out of Mickey's 341 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:23,707 Little rodent cock over there at Mouschwitz. 342 00:12:23,775 --> 00:12:25,576 Scotch rocks. 343 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,211 If he wants the TV rights, 344 00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:29,647 He's gonna have to work some of that magic on my ball sack. 345 00:12:29,714 --> 00:12:31,582 Yeah, tell him to bring knee pads 346 00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:34,451 And an appetite for man juice. 347 00:12:34,519 --> 00:12:35,986 Let's go, it's not a fuckin' souffle. 348 00:12:36,054 --> 00:12:37,488 It's you know, ice and scotch. 349 00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:39,290 The Eastons are auctioning their Sun Valley cabin 350 00:12:39,357 --> 00:12:40,624 For a week this summer. 351 00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:42,993 The summer? 352 00:12:43,061 --> 00:12:45,129 What do people do in Idaho in the summer? 353 00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:47,231 What do they wait for the rapture? 354 00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:48,699 Hoard food? 355 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,067 Practice goose-stepping? 356 00:12:50,135 --> 00:12:51,602 What the hell are we auctioning? 357 00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:53,337 Lunch with Tom Hanks. 358 00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:56,373 Don't die Leonard. 359 00:12:56,441 --> 00:12:58,142 We're in the final year of my pre-nup. 360 00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,512 When we met you said you and Tom are close-- 361 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,180 I was trying to get into your pants. 362 00:13:03,248 --> 00:13:04,215 Hanks hasn't talked to me since 363 00:13:04,282 --> 00:13:05,683 I put him in Turner and fucking Hooch. 364 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:06,884 I can't make a lunch happen. 365 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,419 Fine. 366 00:13:08,486 --> 00:13:09,520 So win the auction. 367 00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:12,389 It'll impress the school director. 368 00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:13,824 Oh hey, Stilskin, 369 00:13:13,892 --> 00:13:16,727 Your Edgar Allen Poe movie sucked ass. 370 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:19,763 350 million dollars World-Wide there four eyes. 371 00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:21,298 Why don't you get me a little fucking umbrella 372 00:13:21,366 --> 00:13:22,633 For my cocktail before they call you back 373 00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,602 To the set of the big bang theory. 374 00:13:24,669 --> 00:13:27,938 I mean come on, Channing Tatum as young Lincoln? 375 00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:29,240 Are you shitting me? 376 00:13:29,307 --> 00:13:31,809 You could have had Henry here at scale. 377 00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,944 Taylor's sweet 16? 378 00:13:34,012 --> 00:13:36,247 The fucking are-we-having-fun-yet guy. 379 00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:37,181 All right, I'll tell you what Henry, 380 00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,649 Take off your shirt. 381 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:39,750 If you've got abs like Channing Tatum, 382 00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:40,951 I'll make you a big fucking star. 383 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,221 See this is a business, 384 00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:46,123 Fucking idiots. 385 00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:47,157 Check out my wife here. 386 00:13:47,225 --> 00:13:48,259 Her nipples got hard 387 00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:49,493 Just at the combination of the two words: 388 00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,128 Channing and Tatum. 389 00:13:51,196 --> 00:13:52,663 Fuck you, Leonard. 390 00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:56,267 Goddamn honey, it's a compliment. 391 00:13:56,334 --> 00:13:58,535 I trust those nips of yours more than any focus group. 392 00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:01,772 Casey! Yeah. 393 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,073 Casey. 394 00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:07,177 How much you think I can get for a 1998 grand marquis? 395 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,381 Why are you asking me that? 396 00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:13,350 Rag top, fully loaded, it has air, power windows, 397 00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:21,625 Every Saturday was the Uncle fuzzy show. 398 00:14:21,693 --> 00:14:22,927 All the birthday kids 399 00:14:22,994 --> 00:14:26,697 Got to reach into the fun tub and pick out their present. 400 00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:29,800 And then Uncle fuzzy himself would give them a tickle. 401 00:14:30,936 --> 00:14:31,869 Creepy. 402 00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:34,171 So when my birthday was coming around 403 00:14:34,239 --> 00:14:36,674 I took a Polaroid of myself, I put it in an envelope, 404 00:14:36,741 --> 00:14:38,876 And gave it to my mom to mail. 405 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:41,345 Six months later I opened up 406 00:14:41,413 --> 00:14:42,980 The glove compartment in my mom's car, 407 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,114 Guess what I found? 408 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,216 My envelope 409 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:48,519 For Uncle fuzzy. 410 00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:51,088 And when I asked my mom why she had never mailed it to him, 411 00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:53,791 She said, "why waste a perfectly good stamp?" 412 00:14:53,858 --> 00:14:56,360 Uh sorry, don't mean to be a buzz-kill, 413 00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:57,561 But we're kinda getting the evil eye 414 00:14:57,629 --> 00:14:58,562 From the people running the party-- 415 00:14:58,630 --> 00:14:59,930 Hey listen, comrade Stalin. 416 00:14:59,998 --> 00:15:02,066 We're kinda in the middle of a big decision here. 417 00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:03,133 Mm-hmm. 418 00:15:03,201 --> 00:15:04,868 I made a promise to myself 419 00:15:04,936 --> 00:15:09,373 That I would support my daughter escapade's dreams, 420 00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:14,845 And Tom Hanks would love escapade. 421 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:16,547 I'm gonna do it. 422 00:15:16,614 --> 00:15:17,815 And I'm sell that grand marquis 423 00:15:17,882 --> 00:15:19,450 To pay off the bill-- 424 00:15:19,517 --> 00:15:21,185 You're not gonna get a grand for that shitbox. 425 00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:23,954 I think you need to set the bar a little bit lower. 426 00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:25,089 You're never gonna get Hanks, 427 00:15:25,156 --> 00:15:27,324 R Kelly maybe, if he's available-- 428 00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:29,393 Oh get away from my X-MEN, old man. 429 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:30,661 Okay wait a second, 430 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,396 Bidding on the Hanks lunch? 431 00:15:32,464 --> 00:15:34,999 No don't do that Lydia, that's a waste of time-- 432 00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:36,500 "waste of time," yeah. 433 00:15:36,568 --> 00:15:38,702 "waste of a stamp." I don't know-- 434 00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:39,737 Pack on 50 pounds, 435 00:15:39,804 --> 00:15:41,472 And work a Virginia slim in each hand, 436 00:15:41,539 --> 00:15:42,706 And you could be my mom. 437 00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:43,774 No, Lydia. 438 00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:45,242 I heard Stiltskin say 439 00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:47,177 That he can't make the Hanks lunch happen, 440 00:15:47,245 --> 00:15:50,180 So he's gonna outbid anyone who tries to win it. 441 00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:51,548 Do you even remember 442 00:15:51,616 --> 00:15:54,218 What it was like to have a dream? 443 00:15:54,285 --> 00:15:55,853 I'm gonna be in the tent. 444 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,221 Melon-balling. 445 00:15:58,156 --> 00:15:59,890 With one hand. 446 00:16:02,527 --> 00:16:03,660 Hey, I wanted to ask you if-- 447 00:16:03,728 --> 00:16:05,763 If you could maybe stay off your phone 448 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,297 For the remainder of the event, 449 00:16:07,365 --> 00:16:08,899 That'd be terrific. 450 00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:10,601 Listen, didn't we always used to say 451 00:16:10,668 --> 00:16:11,668 That they don't pay us enough 452 00:16:11,736 --> 00:16:13,837 To give a shit about any of this? 453 00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:16,907 But as a team leader, they kinda do, 454 00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:19,510 And I'm kinda used to the health insurance Casey, 455 00:16:19,577 --> 00:16:21,245 You know, and I was able to move out 456 00:16:21,312 --> 00:16:23,247 Of my studio apartment into a one bedroom. 457 00:16:23,314 --> 00:16:24,248 With a view. 458 00:16:24,315 --> 00:16:25,716 Wow. Okay? 459 00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:27,317 It's a view of a taco bell, but still, it's a view. 460 00:16:27,385 --> 00:16:28,318 Fine. 461 00:16:28,386 --> 00:16:29,553 I will stay off the phone. 462 00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,555 Thanks. Mmm-hmm. Thank you. 463 00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:34,425 Hey Bruce, I just got the breakdown that you sent me 464 00:16:34,492 --> 00:16:38,862 For the "perky suburban mom?" minivan commercial thing? 465 00:16:38,930 --> 00:16:40,764 That's a joke right? 466 00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:44,334 Because I'm not "mom" material, 467 00:16:44,402 --> 00:16:47,504 Man, I'm acerbic 20-something. 468 00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:50,040 You know, I'm funny but fuckable waitress-- 469 00:16:50,108 --> 00:16:51,408 No-- 470 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:55,946 God, fuckity-fuck fuck fuck. 471 00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,415 Hey there, sport. 472 00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:00,084 Hey. Hi. 473 00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:01,552 Need help? 474 00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:03,821 I just-- I haven't done that in a while. 475 00:17:03,888 --> 00:17:05,289 Great, yeah. 476 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:06,990 Oh, you know what, no. 477 00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:08,158 I can't do that. 478 00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:09,259 Every time I steal a cigarette 479 00:17:09,327 --> 00:17:11,962 My son tells me I smell like grandpa. 480 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,430 My son, who's gonna have to put himself 481 00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:15,666 Through trade school sucking off truck drivers 482 00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:18,368 Because we're 30,000 dollars short 483 00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:20,003 And there's 40 minutes left. 484 00:17:21,072 --> 00:17:22,873 Why are you staring at me? 485 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,109 Actually just having this crazy revelation. 486 00:17:25,176 --> 00:17:29,346 I just told my Agent that I can't play a suburban mom, 487 00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:31,014 But then I look at you, 488 00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:33,817 And this whole "verge of hysteria" thing, 489 00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:36,086 That's-- I can do that, I can totally do that. 490 00:17:36,154 --> 00:17:39,189 Yeah wow, auditions. 491 00:17:39,257 --> 00:17:40,624 I do not miss that. 492 00:17:40,692 --> 00:17:41,859 They're awful. 493 00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:43,393 Sitting in a casting room 494 00:17:43,461 --> 00:17:45,863 With a dozen women that look exactly like you. 495 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,331 Who would murder each other 496 00:17:47,398 --> 00:17:49,533 To get a couple lines on Becker. 497 00:17:49,601 --> 00:17:50,934 Waiting around, oh you didn't get the part. 498 00:17:51,002 --> 00:17:52,236 You were too funny. 499 00:17:52,303 --> 00:17:53,270 You're not funny enough. 500 00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:54,371 Oh you're too tall. 501 00:17:54,439 --> 00:17:55,739 You're too cold, you're too-- 502 00:17:55,807 --> 00:17:57,841 I've gotten "too Jew-y" before. 503 00:17:57,909 --> 00:17:59,476 Really. Yeah, 504 00:17:59,544 --> 00:18:02,546 And I was reading for "diary of Anne Frank." so-- 505 00:18:04,182 --> 00:18:06,183 Mysterious, yeah. 506 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,317 You know what, seriously 507 00:18:07,385 --> 00:18:09,052 Would much rather just be shooting hoops 508 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,621 In the driveway with Sam. 509 00:18:10,688 --> 00:18:12,089 I don't know how you do it. 510 00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:15,392 (Mrs. Doyle) auction ends in 30 minutes. 511 00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:17,861 I am so fucked. 512 00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:20,497 Hey, how much money did you you say you needed 513 00:18:20,565 --> 00:18:21,765 To reach your goal? 514 00:18:23,701 --> 00:18:24,835 No, listen to me. 515 00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:25,936 Third wife-- no kids. 516 00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,104 You put your foot down on that. 517 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,439 Okay well my plan only calls for two wives. 518 00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:31,208 Yeah see, first one-- crazy Vegas wedding 519 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,843 With someone more famous than me. 520 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:34,411 You know, gets me in the tabloids. 521 00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:35,412 I dunno, a Lohan. 522 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:37,114 Maybe an Olsen twin. 523 00:18:38,216 --> 00:18:39,583 Shit, I'm gonna-- 524 00:18:40,451 --> 00:18:42,186 Someone outbid you, Leonard. 525 00:18:42,253 --> 00:18:44,221 Jesus Christ on a fuck-stick! 526 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,923 I bid 20-cum-sucking-grand! 527 00:18:45,990 --> 00:18:48,625 What kind of retarded starfucker outbid me? 528 00:18:48,693 --> 00:18:49,560 Tom's an icon, 529 00:18:49,627 --> 00:18:50,594 This is L.A. 530 00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,696 People have disposable income. 531 00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:54,064 You once told me you'd drink two pints 532 00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:56,433 Of ape sperm to play pebble beach with Tiger Woods. 533 00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:57,367 Yeah but that's sports. 534 00:18:57,435 --> 00:18:58,368 Sports are cool. 535 00:18:58,436 --> 00:18:59,803 Tom Hanks is a grown man 536 00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:02,039 Who wears eyeliner and plays make believe. 537 00:19:02,106 --> 00:19:03,473 It's faggy. 538 00:19:03,541 --> 00:19:05,275 Fuck, what's the new bid? 539 00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:06,343 40. 540 00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:08,645 40 grand-- another fucking 20 grand? 541 00:19:08,713 --> 00:19:09,947 Jesus. 542 00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:11,848 Would you prefer eight years of driving to the valley 543 00:19:11,916 --> 00:19:13,417 For every school function? 544 00:19:13,484 --> 00:19:16,253 Maybe you could just call Tom and beg. 545 00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:17,721 Hey this is your fault 546 00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:19,489 And I'm firing your fucking tennis coach. 547 00:19:19,557 --> 00:19:20,824 Okay, you can find somebody 548 00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:21,959 Who'll fuck you for free. 549 00:19:23,728 --> 00:19:25,229 He's a pilates instructor. 550 00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:27,364 Dick. 551 00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:29,266 Vodka red bull. 552 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,369 Oh shit, that was awkward. 553 00:19:32,870 --> 00:19:34,705 What was? 554 00:19:34,772 --> 00:19:37,341 You know-- if he remembered us hooking up. 555 00:19:37,408 --> 00:19:39,476 I don't remember us hooking up. 556 00:19:39,544 --> 00:19:43,680 Oh uh, well we did... 557 00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:47,217 Sounds like it was awesome. 558 00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:49,453 (Mrs. Doyle) hello moms and dads! 559 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,389 This is your last chance to put in your bids. 560 00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:54,625 I'm telling you, I have inside information, 561 00:19:54,692 --> 00:19:55,626 This is definitely gonna work. 562 00:19:55,693 --> 00:19:56,760 The auction ends in... 563 00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:58,228 This is so dumb. 564 00:19:58,296 --> 00:20:00,297 Not only won't I get a letter of recommendation, 565 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,899 But now I'm on the hook for 40,000 dollars. 566 00:20:02,967 --> 00:20:04,568 I'm so fucked. 567 00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:07,437 (crowd) 18, 17, 16... 568 00:20:07,505 --> 00:20:08,939 Oh my God. 569 00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:14,111 Hey look, look. 570 00:20:14,178 --> 00:20:15,145 (crowd) 11... 571 00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:19,383 Ten, nine, eight... 572 00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:23,186 Oh, I think Sammy maybe just got into Stanford. 573 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:25,222 Here we go! 574 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:29,359 Four, three, two, one! 575 00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:31,461 (Mrs. Doyle) moms and dads! 576 00:20:31,529 --> 00:20:33,363 I have some very good news. 577 00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:36,900 We have just reached our fund raising total. 578 00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:42,606 I would like to say a very special thank you 579 00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:45,175 To our auction chairwoman, 580 00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:46,843 Ms. Annie Legros. 581 00:20:47,545 --> 00:20:48,879 Come on up here. 582 00:20:48,946 --> 00:20:50,380 Oooh, see? 583 00:20:50,448 --> 00:20:51,381 Suburban mom! 584 00:20:51,449 --> 00:20:52,683 Not such a bad gig. 585 00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,217 (Mrs. Doyle) and don't forget everyone, 586 00:20:54,285 --> 00:20:55,352 I want you to stick around 587 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,954 For our precious lights singers-- 588 00:20:58,022 --> 00:20:59,990 (phone beeps) 589 00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:06,863 And then he says, "don't do it; 590 00:21:06,931 --> 00:21:08,899 It's a waste of time." 591 00:21:08,966 --> 00:21:10,467 And I was like, 592 00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,570 Uh yeah, well we know you've given up on your dreams, Henry, 593 00:21:13,638 --> 00:21:15,138 But does that mean that you have poop 594 00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:16,373 On everybody else's pound cake? 595 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:18,875 It's gone to his head-- being team leader. 596 00:21:18,943 --> 00:21:19,843 Now, he's rubbed my nose in it 597 00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:21,812 Ever since I got here today. 598 00:21:21,879 --> 00:21:22,846 See that's why I'm trying to give him 599 00:21:22,914 --> 00:21:23,847 A taste of his own medicine. 600 00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:24,848 Popping pills 601 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,049 And sulking. 602 00:21:26,117 --> 00:21:28,385 Now, all I gotta do is try to convince Casey 603 00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:31,722 To sneak off with me, have sex. 604 00:21:31,789 --> 00:21:33,256 Uh-oh, I don't think your little girlfriend's 605 00:21:33,324 --> 00:21:34,591 Gonna like that too much. 606 00:21:34,659 --> 00:21:36,493 No not really have sex with me. 607 00:21:36,561 --> 00:21:38,061 See, this is what Henry and Casey used to do 608 00:21:38,129 --> 00:21:39,763 When I was team leader. 609 00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:41,598 You know, and I just want him to acknowledge 610 00:21:41,666 --> 00:21:44,468 The fact that he put me through some shit. 611 00:21:44,535 --> 00:21:48,071 But I don't think Casey's gonna for it. 612 00:21:49,273 --> 00:21:51,074 Well. 613 00:21:51,142 --> 00:21:52,709 Would any co-worker do? 614 00:22:07,458 --> 00:22:10,660 Hey, I've decided to make a list 615 00:22:10,728 --> 00:22:12,562 Of reasons why you shouldn't quit. 616 00:22:14,098 --> 00:22:16,600 Um, I'm actually only thinking of two, 617 00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:18,635 But still, I think that qualifies as a "list"-- 618 00:22:18,703 --> 00:22:20,704 I got the part. 619 00:22:20,772 --> 00:22:22,005 The Apatow movie. 620 00:22:22,073 --> 00:22:23,306 What? 621 00:22:23,374 --> 00:22:24,608 Holy shit, really? 622 00:22:24,675 --> 00:22:26,676 I have a wardrobe fitting on Monday. 623 00:22:26,744 --> 00:22:28,378 That's great! 624 00:22:29,347 --> 00:22:30,414 Oh, okay. 625 00:22:30,481 --> 00:22:32,582 Wow, that's great. 626 00:22:32,650 --> 00:22:35,252 Thank you for making a list though! 627 00:22:35,319 --> 00:22:37,421 Sure, no problem. 628 00:22:37,488 --> 00:22:39,656 Hey can I uh, buy you a drink? 629 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:41,558 Yes, 630 00:22:41,626 --> 00:22:44,161 Yes you can-- you can buy me a drink. 631 00:22:44,228 --> 00:22:45,495 So Henry, 632 00:22:45,563 --> 00:22:47,431 You were like a big deal at one point. Yeah. 633 00:22:47,498 --> 00:22:48,965 You gotta tell me what to do. 634 00:22:49,033 --> 00:22:51,268 Like who do I-- how do I know which of the little people 635 00:22:51,335 --> 00:22:52,869 To like, totally crush? 636 00:22:52,937 --> 00:22:54,137 Oh it's just totally random. 637 00:22:54,205 --> 00:22:56,573 You just start arbitrarily fucking people over. 638 00:22:56,641 --> 00:22:58,208 Cool, I can do that. 639 00:22:59,777 --> 00:23:01,778 (groaning) 640 00:23:01,846 --> 00:23:05,015 Is somebody slaughtering a water Buffalo in there? 641 00:23:05,082 --> 00:23:07,617 Well, I'm pretty sure this is for my benefit. 642 00:23:08,519 --> 00:23:09,820 (Lydia) I feel daddy Dick. 643 00:23:09,887 --> 00:23:11,188 (Ron) oh you love daddy Dick don't you? 644 00:23:11,255 --> 00:23:12,389 (Lydia) I love daddy Dick. 645 00:23:12,457 --> 00:23:14,558 Well Ron certainly sounds like a world class lover. 646 00:23:14,625 --> 00:23:16,259 Yeah, he has real staying power. 647 00:23:16,327 --> 00:23:18,028 Sir! 648 00:23:18,095 --> 00:23:20,197 I would like you and your crew 649 00:23:20,264 --> 00:23:22,332 Off this property immediately! 650 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,167 Come along children. 651 00:23:24,235 --> 00:23:26,069 Your supervisor will be hearing from me. 652 00:23:26,137 --> 00:23:28,538 Hippity hop everybody, hippity hop. 653 00:23:28,606 --> 00:23:30,507 (Ron) you can't handle the truth! 654 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:32,309 "the truth" being the name I gave my penis. 655 00:23:32,376 --> 00:23:33,810 Henry? 656 00:23:33,878 --> 00:23:35,479 Yeah. 657 00:23:35,546 --> 00:23:39,516 Is it too late for me to apologize 658 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:42,619 For being an asshole about you being the boss? 659 00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:45,055 'cause I can kinda see now 660 00:23:45,122 --> 00:23:47,791 How much of a suck-ass job it is. 661 00:23:48,526 --> 00:23:50,093 Ron? 662 00:23:50,161 --> 00:23:51,828 Is that Ron? 663 00:23:52,497 --> 00:23:53,997 Shit! 664 00:23:54,866 --> 00:23:56,566 Take my big fat Dick. 665 00:23:56,634 --> 00:23:58,368 Take my big fat Dick. 666 00:23:58,436 --> 00:24:00,504 Can you take it? Oh yeah baby! 667 00:24:01,806 --> 00:24:04,374 Yeah cock master, yeah! 668 00:24:04,442 --> 00:24:07,010 Get in, balls too, there's room. 669 00:24:07,078 --> 00:24:08,311 Yeah, now! 670 00:24:08,379 --> 00:24:09,813 Now that you have everything in there-- 671 00:24:09,881 --> 00:24:11,381 Hey guys. 672 00:24:17,121 --> 00:24:20,090 Did it really sound like we were having sex? 673 00:24:20,157 --> 00:24:21,625 I'm sorry Henry, I'm sorry. 674 00:24:21,692 --> 00:24:23,226 Was it something we said? 675 00:24:23,294 --> 00:24:25,128 That's very funny. 676 00:24:25,196 --> 00:24:28,131 Ron, Mandy just took off in your car. 677 00:24:28,199 --> 00:24:30,267 She was outside the tent for that last bit. 678 00:24:31,302 --> 00:24:32,235 Mandy! 679 00:24:32,303 --> 00:24:33,670 Mandy! 680 00:24:42,547 --> 00:24:43,613 Well there's a lesson in there somewhere right? 681 00:24:43,681 --> 00:24:44,948 (Leonard) hey, fuck face. 682 00:24:45,016 --> 00:24:46,850 I just found that that bitch who was bidding against me 683 00:24:46,918 --> 00:24:48,919 Is some flat broke divorcee. 684 00:24:48,986 --> 00:24:50,153 You fucked me, didn't you? 685 00:24:50,221 --> 00:24:52,422 You, you cost me 20 grand. 686 00:24:52,490 --> 00:24:56,593 All right, here's a promise, you fucking has-been never-was. 687 00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:58,662 You'll never work in this town again. 688 00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:02,966 I know. 689 00:25:04,135 --> 00:25:06,069 ♪ 690 00:25:20,084 --> 00:25:21,451 Lydia, what happened to your arm? 691 00:25:21,519 --> 00:25:23,219 Oh, Henry. 692 00:25:23,287 --> 00:25:24,988 It's so sweet of you to notice. 693 00:25:25,056 --> 00:25:26,489 It's escapade. 694 00:25:26,557 --> 00:25:28,158 We were working on our trust falls 695 00:25:28,225 --> 00:25:29,693 And I guess it was kinda silly of me 696 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,061 To expect at 14 year old 697 00:25:31,128 --> 00:25:33,229 To be able to catch my dead weight. 698 00:25:33,297 --> 00:25:35,198 Trust falls? 699 00:25:35,266 --> 00:25:36,533 You live and learn. 700 00:25:37,668 --> 00:25:39,135 Hey, so did you get it? 701 00:25:39,203 --> 00:25:41,805 Oh yeah man, right here. 702 00:25:41,872 --> 00:25:44,407 Uncanny X-MEN numero quatro. 703 00:25:44,475 --> 00:25:45,942 300, right? Yeah. 704 00:25:47,411 --> 00:25:50,280 Oh, nice. 705 00:25:50,348 --> 00:25:51,281 Okay so uh-- 706 00:25:51,349 --> 00:25:53,683 20, 30-- 707 00:25:53,751 --> 00:25:55,518 Told you so. 708 00:25:55,586 --> 00:25:57,754 50-- 709 00:25:57,822 --> 00:25:59,356 I'm gonna make a pile here. 710 00:26:00,091 --> 00:26:10,225 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 711 00:26:57,748 --> 00:26:59,482 Tree!