...french toast.
One time when I was eating
French toast at a restaurant,
I started laughing,
And then I started choking.
So the lady who ran
The restaurant made me leave.
So let's hear your horn.
Yeah, play that funky music,
White girl.
You know, I'm halalf latina.
Then hit it, moochacha.
I think it's broken.
Here, let me fix it.
It's not broken.
Beck, Beck, hey, you guys!
Leave him alone!
Oh, get off...
What are you doing?
Get off of me!
Who is this chick?!
Relax, relax, relax.
Yo, yo, come on!
What are you doing?
That guy was beating up Beck.
Oh, you poor thing.
We were practicing.
This is Russ.
I'm Russ.
He's a professional stuntman.
I invited him here
To teach the class
About stage fighting.
And now, Tori says,
"What's stage fighting?"
I wasn't gonna say that.
What is it?
Fake fighting
That looks real,
Like for a play or a movie.
I took a class
With him last summer.
Well, it looked
Like he was hurting you.
Why do you care?
'Cause I figure, he already
Suffers enough pain dating you.
You wanna see pain?
Hey, why don't we go
Sit over there?
Why does she hate me?
Maybe she heard you play
The french horn.
Now, if I throw a punch
At Cat, like this...
...it's easy to see
That my fist didn't connect
With her face.
Thank you.
But if we stage it
From a different angle, then...
Like I showed you?
Sound effect, ready?
All set.
To the audience or camera,
It'll look like this.
I'm okay, everyone.
All right, I'm gonna pair
You guys up,
And each team will work
With Russ this week
To prepare a fight scene.
I thought his name was Steve.
He does look like a Steve.
My name is Russ.
Okay, and on friday,
You will all perform
Your fight scenes here
In front of the class.
Now, the pairs will be:
Beck and Cat, Andre and Gwen,
Darren and Jess, Tori and Jade.
Tori and who?
Uh, wait,
I'm not comfortable
With my partner.
Just a sec.
Hey, partner.
I can't wait
For our fight...scene.
Gulp.
Status report!
Will you please read
The next line?
I don't wanna help
You rehearse.
I made you oatmeal
This morning.
I wanted a steak sandwich.
Okay, auditioning next
Are Trina Vega
And robbie shapiro.
Oh, no, no, no!
The puppet guy?
Excuse me.
Could I please audition
With someone else?
You know,
You can whisper that.
It's just an audition.
But...
Leave the puppet.
Hey, it's cool.
Just set me down
Next to the hot blonde.
Wait up.
Walk faster.
I'll walk faster.
All right.
It's World War II, 1944.
You're in a submarine,
1,700 feet down
In the atlantic ocean,
And you're probably gonna die.
Action.
Oh, my God, lieutenant,
Status report.
We've been hit
On the port side, captain,
Our engines are failing.
Torpedoes?
None left.
Oye.
How deep are we?
1,700 feet.
We're gonna have
To go deeper.
But we'll,
I'm-plode!
Implode.
But we'll implode!
Listen, I'd rather die
Down here than live up there,
Captured by the enemy.
I don't know
If you are brave or insane.
Hey, stop it.
You're a soldier.
I'm also a woman
Who loves you.
That was fantastic!
Ah, that's not your line.
It's not my line.
Actually, that was great,
You guys.
Really?
'Cause if you thought
I was great with him,
Just imagine me
With a good actor.
Huh, I'll do that.
Bring in the next two.
Robbie.
Scene.
Look at her.
Who?
Jade, I guarantee you
She's telling Beck
All about how
She's gonna punch me
When we do our scene.
I wonder
If mirrors work in outer space.
I mean, what am I gonna do
If she really hits me?
Bleed, burst into tears.
I'm serious.
It's stage fighting.
No one really hits anybody.
Yeah, but accidents happen,
And what if she makes
An accident happen on purpose?
You know, the word mirror
Has only six letters
And half of them are rs?
Haven't you and Jade
Been rehearsing?
Yeah, yesterday, after school
And this morning,
During study hall.
And did she hit you for real?
No, 'cause she probably wants
To wait and do it
In front of the whole class
To humiliate me.
Well, if she does,
She loses half a letter grade.
Oh, great!
So she gets an "a minus"
And I get a broken eye
And a black nose.
I think you meant...
I know what I meant.
My dog has a black nose.
It's so cute.
It's like a baby meatball.
Meatballs are brown.
You're so mean to me!
You want half a sandwich?
Hey, baby sister.
Andy.
Andre.
Wanna sit with us?
No.
What's up, a-listers?
What's up?
No, no, man,
They're gonna take my pants!
Hey, hey, Trina!
Excuse me, move, please, go now.
Wait, wait, wait, don't...go.
I'm not with...
Why are you sitting here?
I don't know, just hanging.
I hope that was soy milk.
What's the matter with you?
If I drink regular milk,
Then the gas builds up
And up and up, and I...
Why did you kiss me?!
Oh, because we
Like each other.
We what?
The audition scene,
That kiss.
Robbie, I was playing a part.
The script said
That my character
Kisses your character.
So that's what happened.
That's all that happened.
Would you be willing
To convert to judaism?
Wow, you've got problems.
It's not a deal breaker,
But...
Rex!
All right, who took his pants?!
I'll call you.
Yes, don't.
I'm not in love
With your mother.
Don't!
And scene.
Next up, we have
Tori and Jade.
Okay, for our scene,
I'm gonna be playing an old lady
Who's walking home
From a bingo game.
And I play a brutal mugger.
Yes, a brutal mugger
Who mugs me
Without actually hurting me.
Okay, as always, be careful,
And if anything goes wrong,
Just yell the safe word,
Which is...butternut.
Okay, guys, ready?
And...
Butternut.
What.
Tori, what's the problem?
I was testing the safe word.
It works.
Okay, I'm ready.
And...action.
Oh, I certainly did
Enjoy the bingo,
Although I do miss bob hope.
Give me your money.
What?!
I ain't playing?
Give me your money
And your watch.
Oh, wouldn't you rather
Have this?
Butternut!
She's bleeding.
Cut.
Let me see, let me see.
Are you okay?
No, Tori hit me
In the face for real.
No, I didn't.
Tell that to my bloody eye.
All right,
You better sit down.
Somebody grab a chair.
Yeah quickly, get a chair.
Beck, get a chair.
Here, here, here.
Yeah, there we go.
Just sit down.
That was a breakaway chair.
Aw, butternut!
It hurts?
Why did you hit Jade
In the face with a cane?
I didn't!
Okay, I believe you.
Don't hit me.
Will you back me up here?
Okay, look, I'm sure Tori
Didn't mean to whack Jade
In the face with the cane.
Oh, why does everyone
Think I hit her?
Well, we were watching
You guys do a scene.
You hit her across the face
With your cane.
She fell down.
And now, her eye's
All bloody.
Well, that doesn't mean
I hit her?
I kinda think it does.
Jade, you know
I didn't hit you.
I swung, but I missed.
Look, Tori...
Hey, we gotta get her
To the nurse.
But I didn't hit her.
Can someone call my mom?
I'll call your mom.
She doesn't need her mom.
Don't bother her mom!
I gotta call her mom.
And I thought we were just
Starting to be friends.
But I didn't...
No, no,
I didn't get the role.
I don't know.
Probably 'cause I'm too pretty
To be on a submarine.
Yes, I am.
Shut up.
One sec.
Oh, my God!
Do you like stuffed cabbage?
My mom made this,
And if you have
A couple of extra forks,
I thought maybe...
I don't like you.
Yeah, you can say that
But I know how I felt.
There is no way
That you can kiss me like that
And not feel the...
So you're just gonna
Close the door...and lock it.
And then turn off
The porch light?
Oh, hey, Tori!
Have a seat.
You look a little worried?
Yeaeah, well, it's not fun
Getting called into
The guidance counselor's office?
You're not in trouble.
I'm here to help you
With your violence issues.
I'm not violent.
I believe you.
Then why is he here?
Tori, I know that Jade
Probably isn't
Your favorite person.
So?
So in life, just because
We may not like someone,
That doesn't mean
It's okay to beat 'em
With a cane.
Oh, relax, Derrick.
I did not hit Jade
With that cane.
Then how do you explain
Her black eye?
I don't know.
I'm just getting water.
Listen, you were under
A lot of stress
And you were worried
That Jade was gonna hit you,
Right?
Well, yeah.
So you were afraid.
Your adrenaline was pumping,
And maybe in the heat
Of the moment, you swung on Jade
With that cane for real.
Maybe...
Maybe.
I guess it's possible.
Derrick!
Now, don't you feel better
Admitting that you hit Jade?
If I say, yes, can I go?
Sure.
Okay, fine, then, yes.
Wait, aren't you gonna
Punish her?
Don't hit him.
I wasn't gonna.
Can you just tell me
My punishment?
Two weeks of detention.
And...
And?
On friday night,
The middle school's doing a play
Here in the black box theatre.
It ends with a big
Food fight scene.
So, you have to clean
The theatre after the show.
You know, scrape the food
Off the walls.
I'd have said
Three weeks detention.
I'll pull it.
Hey, how ya feeling?
My eye hurts.
Oh, yeah, which one?
Cute.
I want coffee.
What's the magic word?
Get me some coffee...
Please.
Actually, the magic word
Was lotion.
But I'll accept your "please,"
'Cause you got a boo-Boo eye.
Two sugars.
I know what to do.
Come on.
Go out with me
On saturday night.
I've already got plans.
Sunday night?
You make me sick.
Monday?
Wednesday?
Oh, she's getting up.
Trina, hey, wait,
Baby!
What's the matter?
Trina's in denial.
Ah, you're still on that?
Trina loves me.
It was a stage kiss.
She was acting.
You didn't feel the kiss.
A girl can't fake
That kind of heat.
I don't care if she tells me
A thousand times
That it didn't mean anything...
See.
I want you to meet
My parents.
There she is.
You guys,
You're so dead.
Oh, my God, Jade!
I'm so sorry, please don't
Destroy me socially,
I didn't mean to.
Just forget it.
Oh hey, Jade!
Can't... no.
Jade, wait up, wait up.
Jade, what?!
Oh, what's wrong
With your eye?
Tori hit me with a cane,
Remember?
Yeah, but never seen
A black eye drip before.
This is make-up.
Tori never hit you, did she?
Fake black eye, fake blood.
Look, you cannot tell
Anyone about this,
Especially Tori.
I won't.
Tori!
Shut up, Andre!
Tori, where are you?
Will you please stop?
Anybody seen Tori?
Nobody bother Tori.
False alarm. He ate a bad taco.
Is that mac 'n' cheese?
Who cares!
Just wanted to know
If it was mac 'n' cheese.
I don't get it.
What?
I know Andre told you
That I faked everything:
The blood, the black eye.
What is that, mac 'n' cheese?
Looks like it, right?
Why are you here?
Why didn't you tell on me?
'Cause we both
Go to school here
And it's not gonna be much fun
For either one of us
If we're fighting all the time.
So, you're just gonna let
Me get away with it.
You took detention
And a lower grade
And you're scraping
Crusty pudding off the wall
On a friday night,
Just so I won't get in trouble?
Pretty much.
Well, you can't be
Nice to me
When I've been mean to you.
That's not how it works.
Well, then,
Try being nice to me sometime.
Maybe that will work.
Now, go play.
I gotta scrape this
Onion dip off the wall
Or onion pus...
This might be more fun
With some tunes.
Hey, D,
Come scrape with us.
This is fun.
Here, try it with two.
Have you gone to theslap.com?
T-H-E-S-L-A-P.
You can find out
Who's doing things!
Everyone at hollywood arts
Puts up there pics and videos
On theslap.
TheSlap...
DotCom.
Imagine taking a warm shower,
But the water is apple juice.
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