Hold.
What?
Explain your sneeze.
I'm sorry?
Do you have allergies? No.
Is there too much pepper on your salad?
I don't put pepper on salads.
I've heard enough. Sit over there.
Oh, come on.
I don't want to sit by myself.
That's what Typhoid Mary said,
and clearly, her friends buckled.
Guys, help me.
Sheldon, come on.
Yeah, it's just one sneeze. (sneezes)
You're on your own. See you, buddy.
Oh, Leonard, I have something for you.
Per our roommate agreement, this is
your 24-hour notice that I will be having
a non-related female spending two nights in our apartment.
When you say "non-related female,"
you still mean human, right?
Of course.
Pets are banned under the roommate agreement,
with the exception of service animals, such as seeing eye dogs
and, one day, cybernetically- enhanced helper monkeys.
Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sarcasm?
Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.
For your information, I'll be playing host
to Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton.
The cosmological physicist from Princeton?
Yes.
And until you acquire a surgical mask,
please address your comments to me through a napkin.
We've been corresponding for years about
our mutual interest in
gravitational wave signatures
of inflatons in the early universe.
And now she's under consideration
for a position at our university.
Why didn't you tell me you knew Elizabeth Plimpton?
I am a huge fan of hers!
I didn't realize I was obligated to share my connection
with things you're a fan of, but very well.
You enjoy Canadian bacon.
I've been to Toronto.
Okay, fine.
Where is she going to sleep?
My room, of course.
Holy crap!
Yeah, um, I have a two-part question.
Go ahead.
A) Are you kidding me?
And B) seriously, are you freaking kidding me?
A) I rarely kid.
And B) when I do kid, you will know it
by my use of the word "bazinga."
So you're saying the two of you
are going to be sleeping in the same bed?
Yes.
Bazinga.
Leonard?
Thank you.
Why is a world- renowned scientist
staying in our apartment instead of a hotel?
Well, she doesn't care for hotels.
And who can blame her?
Windows that don't open,
multi-user linens,
keys shaped like credit cards-- as if one walks around
with unassigned slots in one's wallet.
All right, I believe I have time
for one more question.
(clears throat)
Yes, Raj?
When can I sit with you again?
When I've seen
two consecutive negative throat cultures
spaced 12 hours apart. You know the drill.
All right,
if you'll excuse me, I am off to start
a prophylactic course of antibiotics.
I can't believe he's friends with Elizabeth Plimpton.
I can't believe they let him into Canada.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You heard the man.
Where's your throat cultures?
Kidding. Sit down. (chuckles)
(sneezes)
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪
The Big Bang Theory 3x21 The Plimpton Stimulation Original Air Date on May 10, 2010
-- Sync, corrected by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --
Hey, Sheldon.
Oh, Penny, excellent.
I have a question about these maxi pads.
Are the wings truly functional
or have I fallen victim to marketing hype?
What?
Why are you doing with-- what?
The stock boy at Walgreens
was frustratingly uninformed on the subject.
Sheldon, what are you doing with maxi pads?
I have a lady friend
who will be staying with me for a few days.
Oh.
What?
I want her to feel at home.
I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol,
calcium chews and what is apparently a yogurt
specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.
Wait, wait, hold on, back up.
You're having a woman stay with you?
Yes.
Why does that seem to flabbergast everybody?
Oh... no, no, no, no.
I'm not flabbergasted.
I'm... puzzled.
Yeah, let's go with puzzled.
A word of warning.
My guest is a noted physicist
and the leading expert on quantum cosmology,
so please try to avoid wasting her time
with female jibber jabber.
Female jibber jabber?
Shoe sales, hair styles,
mud masks, gossip about your friends Brad and Angelina.
Oh, they're not my friends.
I'm not surprised, considering the way
you talk about them behind their backs.
(knocking)
She's here, she's here.
How do I look? Do I look smart?
Oh, good grief.
This isn't about you.
Coming!
Now, listen.
One of the great minds
of the 21st century is about to play host
to one of the other great minds of the 21st century.
So pay attention.
Years from now,
my biographer might ask you about this event.
Oh, I have so many things to tell your biographer.
(sighs)
Dr. Cooper, thank goodness.
I completely forgot your address.
But then I remembered that I'd written it on my hand.
Lucky for me,
I didn't confuse it with what I'd written
on my other hand, which are the coordinates
for a newly discovered neutron star.
'Cause if I tried to go there, I'd be crushed by hypergravity.
Anyway, hello. Hello.
Nice to finally meet you in person.
I would imagine it is.
This is my friend and roommate, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
Hi-lo.
(chuckles) Oops.
I-I started to say "hi,"
and then I switched to "hello" in the middle.
It came out "hi-lo."
Duh. (chuckles)
Uh, it's nice to meet you.
I-I've read both your books and most of your papers.
I-I'm Leonard, I live here, you're brilliant.
I apologize.
He's only an experimental physicist.
No need to apologize.
Some of my best friends are experimental physicists.
Well, not
my best friends, but I know them.
My best friend is
a molecular chemist named Wendy.
I'm sorry, I'm rambling.
Hi-lo.
(chuckles)
Are you hungry, thirsty?
Can I offer you anything?
No, she's my guest. If anyone should
offer her anything, it should be me.
Elizabeth, can I get you something?
Perhaps a feminine hygiene product
or a bowel-regulating yogurt?
Interesting choices.
Based on my current needs, I guess I'd pick the yogurt.
Excellent.
If the yogurt works,
I bought some delightful scented candles.
Look, it's you.
Thank you so much for opening up your home to me.
Well, who wants to stay in a hotel?
Windows that don't open, those crazy card-shaped keys.
I'm so glad you understand.
No, he doesn't understand.
I understand.
Well, I understand, too.
You're just misappropriating my understanding.
Oh... (blows raspberries)
I think any university would want you.
Except, of course,
any university that had already had you.
Because they would've already wanted you
before they, you know, got you.
From the mind that brought you "hi-lo."
Let me show you to your room.
All right.
I guess I am tired. Good night, Leonard.
Uh, sleep night.
I mean, obously, good night.
I started to say "sleep tight,"
then I changed my mind in the middle.
I swear to God, I'm smart.
Get it together, man.
All right, let me show you
some of the features of the room.
First, windows.
Conventional.
Open, closed.
Halfway open.
Or halfway closed, depending on your philosophical bent.
Over here is my comic book collection.
Feel free to browse.
There's a box of disposable reading gloves
on the night stand.
Good to know.
In here, you'll find
emergency provisions.
An eight-day supply of food and water, a crossbow,
season two of Star Trek: The Original Series
on a high-density flash drive.
What if there's a disaster
that destroys all the USB ports?
Then there's really no reason to live, is there?
Can I ask a question about your roommate?
He's an odd duck, isn't he?
What's his relationship status?
Well, there was a misbegotten adventure
with a waitress who lives across the hall.
It ended as inexplicably as it began.
They had very little in common,
except for carnal activity.
That's why I acquired
these noise-canceling headphones.
If you decide to use them,
please clean the ear pieces afterwards
with the Wet Wipes you'll find in the bathroom.
They're in the drawer labeled "Wet Wipes."
Okay.
Good. I'll leave you
to your nighttime ablutions.
I've e-mailed you the morning bathroom schedule.
You'll also find a laminated copy in your welcome packet.
It's on the back of the emergency escape route diagram.
How thoughtful.
Sleep well, my friend. You, too.
Oh, let me just get one thing.
It's my backup emergency supply kit.
The living room escape route doesn't pass through here.
Now, good night.
And if there's an apocalypse, good luck.
(knocking)
Yes?
I saw your light on.
Is everything all right?
Yeah, I just couldn't sleep.
Me neither.
Oh, look what I'm reading.
It's you.
I thought you already read it.
I did, but it's been a while,
and I wanted to sound smart over breakfast.
Aw, you're smart.
Oh, good.
Wasn't sure it was coming across.
What chapter are you on?
Uh, six.
Oh, the extragalactic distance ladder.
Want to know a little secret?
Sure.
I wrote the section on the Wilson-Bappu Effect
completely naked.
Really?
Uh, sure doesn't read that way.
Here, let me show yo
(clears throat)
When we consider the brightness of pulsating variable stars,
we start to see
a possible explanation for some of the discrepancies
found in Hubble's constant.
Wow.
You really make science come alive.
(alarm buzzing)
(buzzing stops)
Vocal test. Morning vocal test.
(clearing throat)
Second vocal test.
(deep voice): Second morning vocal test.
Morning, Sheldon.
Morning.
Morning, Sheldon.
Morning.
I trust you had a pleasant night.
More than pleasant.
(both giggling)
(giggling)
Excuse me, I'm going to relieve myself.
How do you take your coffee?
Black. Okeydoke.
(urinating in bathroom)
SHELDON: Pee for Houston, pee for Austin,
pee for the state my heart got lost in.
And shake twice for Texas.
Something his mother taught him.
All right, Elizabeth,
the bathroom is yours.
The seat is down, and has been sanitized for your protection.
That's very thoughtful, but I think I'll finish my coffee first.
(knocking)
Ah, so the yogurt didn't work.
I'll fire off
a critical e-mail to the manufacturer.
Oh, good, you're up.
Look, my car won't start.
I need a ride to work.
Did you once again ignore your "check engine" light?
No, Mr. smarty-pants.
I ignored the "fill gas tank" light.
Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any residual feelings you have for her
in order to get a ride to work.
Oh, yeah, sure, let me just put this in a travel mug.
Hello.
Hi.
Oh, Penny, this is Dr. Plimpton--
a leading expert on quantum cosmology.
Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress
who doesn't understand the role gasoline plays
in the internal combustion engine.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
Are you enjoying your stay?
Yes, very much.
Good.
Wonderful. Meaningless pleasantries accomplished.
Elizabeth, Leonard's bathroom time is coming up,
and believe me, you do not want to follow him.
Excuse me.
Okay, well, I guess I should get dressed
so I can take everyone to work.
You and Sheldon
and Sheldon's friend,
Dr. Plimpton, who you just met.
Gonna be fun.
Like a clown car.
Hang on. Hmm?
Yeah? What? Huh?
We just broke up.
Wha-- uh, you and me? Yeah, we did.
Not too long ago.
How are you doing with it?
Not as good as you apparently.
I, um, I don't follow.
You know what? It's, it's none of my business.
If you want to sleep with Sheldon's doctor buddy
right after we stopped seeing each other, go for it.
Well, now... SHELDON: Excuse me.
I'm uncomfortable with you recommending
that Leonard pursue having intercourse with Dr. Plimpton,
who I assure you has better things to do.
I'm not recommending it.
I'm saying it already happened.
That's preposterous.
Tell her, Leonard.
Well...
No.
Come on. It wasn't my fault.
The implication being that you sow tripped
and fell into her lady parts?
You know what?
I'm just gonna take the bus to work.
Penny, I can still drive you.
Oh, no, no, it's okay.
You might slip on a banana peel
and get me pregnant.
I must say,
I'm ocked by this betrayal.
I didn't betray Penny.
Not Penny, me!
How am I betraying you?
izabeth's my friend, and you're playingith her!
Yeah, I guess I did.
What the hell are you doing?
Relax, it's Nyquil.
You still have a cold?
Maybe, but I don't care.
That's the great thing
about Nyquil, it's like ten-percent booze.
I call it the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing
so you can talk to girls medicine.
Are you having trouble sleeping?
'Cause, boy, I was up all night.
Did you get a cold, too?
No, but I was awake all night.
If you want,
I can give you some of my mom's sleeping pills.
She won't notice they're missing?
She doesn't kn she takes them.
No, that's okay.
It was something else keeping me up last night.
And again this morning.
And... I didn't mind.
I was up last night.
I was up this morning.
I didn't mind.
Those are your clues.
Ooh, ooh.
Did the pigeon on your windowsill have more babies?
No.
Were you up mang another stop-motion Legoovie?
No.
'Cause let me tell you,
it's not enough to make the Legos move,
they also have to capture your heart.
Okay, I'll give you one more clue.
It involved another person.
did you get a Japanese love pillow?
How is a Japanese love pillow another person?
It is if you love her and give her a name.
Dr. Plimpton, I'd like you to meet my colleagues--
Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali
Hi. and not-a-doctor Howard Wolowitz.
Hi.
I'm a big fan of your work. Thank you.
And of course, you've already introduced yourself
to Dr. Hofstadter.
Hey, you.
Boy, I'm kind of tuckered out.
How are you feeling, Elizabeth?
You know what?
I am a little tired.
Would you be a dear and get me a cup of coffee?
Sure.
Black, right?
Actually, now I think I want it hot, brown and sweet.
Coming right up.
What?
What do you mean "what?" It's Halo night.
I can't. I'm too sick.
(coughs) Go away.
That's why we moved Halo night here.
Look, I brought my mom's chicken soup.
I'm not hungry.
ELIZABETH: Don't send him away.
Let him in. Who's that
I bought a parrot.
Yeah, right.
Dr. Plimpton?
Hi. Howard, right?
Uh, yeah.
Can I ask you a question, Howard?
Do you like role-playing games?
Yeah, sure.
In fact, I'm a dungeon master.
Not tonight.
Tonight you are a delivery man.
You brought soup,
but uh-oh, Raj and I don't have enough money to pay you.
So we'll have to come to some other kind of arrangement.
Beg your pardon?
You two figure out the details,
I'm going to go change into something
I don't mind getting ripped off my milky flesh.
(door closes)
What the frak?
Go away.
She wants New Delhi, not Kosher deli.
Besides, you have a girlfriend.
We broke up weeks ago.
Why didn't you say anything?
I was waiting for the right time.
This is the right time.
Hey, who's ready for Halo?
Oh, this is like a nightmare.
Get lost!
He's right. The numbers are shaky enough as it is.
I don't understand.
(gasps) Oh, good.
Leonard's here.
Good?!
Elizabeth?
What's going on?
What's going on is you and Howard are my moving men
and Raj is my new landlord
and I don't have enough money to pay any of you.
Is she suggesting what I think she's suggesting?
Yep.
Welcome to the Penthouse Forum.
Okay, show of hands. Who's up for this?
We'll all be naked in front of each other.
I'm out.
Everybody ready?
(whispering): Follow my lead.
Almost.
We're, we're going to go out
into the hallway and, uh,
make a dramatic entrance.
Oh, good. It's so much better when everyone commits.
Run. Run, run, run. Don't look back.
I thought we had something special.
So, you say you can't pay your rent...
Oh, Leonard?
Hey.
I found these in the dryer.
I'm assuming they belong to Sheldon.
Thanks.
It's really hard to find these in his size.
So, listen.
I've been meaning to talk to you about the other morning.
You mean you and Dr. Slutbunny?
Yeah, I wanted to explain
Well, you don't owe me an explanation.
I don't?
No, you don't.
So you're not judging me?
Oh, I'm judging you nine ways to Sunday,
but you don't owe me an explanation.
Nevertheless, I'd like to get one on the record
so you can understand why I did what I did.
I'm listening.
-- Sync, corrected by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --
She let me.