"Carry You Home" by James Blunt
Cath!
Well done.
Shame Mr Bond isn't here today.
- Whey hey! - Who's this Mr Bond, then?
He's the new consultant. He's arriving tomorrow.
We know what consultants are like, shovelling work onto you.
Calling you the names of last year's doctors.
Having lunch while you sort out their patients.
Playing golf, scuba diving, snorkelling!
So what's different about this one?
Well, there is the competition.
You know what was the prize last year, Gilmore got it.
He'll be a professor soon, unless he dies of a terrible disease.
And there's a competition this year?
Yeah, there's one every year. It's a tradition.
Whoever impresses Mr Bond the most on his first day back,
♪ Baw baw baw ♪ Wins the prize!
- So, what is it this time? - I'm not sure.
Oh my God! It's being held in Paris!
- We could walk through the catacombs. - I could shop in the Champs-Elysees.
Watching the sunset from the Eiffel Tower with Dylan.
What?
- The hotel is five star! - With a spa!
- And a golf course! - Look at the guest list.
It's like a who's who of medicine.
I would kill for a chance to go on something like that.
- Not literally. - I would.
Who's to say I'll pick you?
- Who's bothered, anyway? - Yeah. It's just a silly competition.
- Actually, I think I'll turn in. - Yeah, me too.
See ya.
See ya, later.
- Has Cath's alarm gone off? - Doesn't look like it.
- We have to tell her. - Right. - Ams.
- I can't open it. - We're locked in.
- It's double locked. - She wouldn't. - Wouldn't she?
Do you seriously think our friend would lock us in?
The keys are gone.
I'll kill her!
- Oops. - You can't bring that in here.
- What? - It's not patriotic. - What isn't?
- American rubbish. - You're on about my mocha.
What's wrong with a cup of tea,
especially when the profits go to the hospital and the patients?
What the patients really need is their doctor.
For Heaven's sake.
I don't believe this.
OK.
- Dilys, how lovely to see you again. - Mr Bond.
- Mr Bond. - Have you lost weight since I was here last?
Come on, just a clue. One little tip.
His likes, dislikes.
- He's mad about martial arts. - About what?
Karate, Tai Chi. He loves a doctor that works out.
Healthy body, healthy mind.
- And he hates dirt. - Dirt?
Personal hygiene. It's another one of his really big things.
Ladies was full.
- One protein shake too many? - And the patient?
She's obviously in quite a bit of pain.
Trouble is, she won't talk to anyone and she won't let us examine her.
Why not?
She's a moody little madam, that's why.
- Miss Chesterton? - Melissa.
Melissa.
We need to know where it's hurting.
There's no need to suffer in silence. We have morphine.
It is a standard opiate for any severe pain.
Then, there's pethidine. It has weaker properties than morphine.
But it is still used as pain prophylaxis.
Talk to the man.
Melissa! I've drawn a diagram of a girl with the same problem as you.
Is that where yours is hurting? Ohh, painful...
Just turn around and look at me. Hello?
Could you have a word with her?
No-one's going to be angry with you.
Maybe it's on the other side.
Look who it is.
Melissa! Molly has come to say hello. "Hello, Melissa. "
"Maybe you can help me. " Look at her face, isn't she grumpy!
- Now what? - You're the doctor.
I've done everything by the book.
Try a kids book.
Ta-da!
I've already taken the morning off work.
Who will pay for your swimming?
Is there a Mr Chesterton to come in and take the strain?
He's long gone.
Not surprised.
How long have you felt like this?
- It's much worse in the last few hours. - Yeah, I know exactly what it is.
I can't treat you here. It's the early stages of labour.
Transfer to maternity, please.
My boyfriend, Sam, is not with me anymore. Can you call him?
- I just can't do this. - You'll be OK. - Not on my own.
- You'll be amazed how the cervix softens and dilates... - Please.
Please.
Yes, that's right. She's in labour.
It was a bit of a shock to her, too.
From what I can gather, you're the only one she's got. She needs you.
You're gonna be a Dad.
Sometimes I wish I was back at Med School.
All I had to do was learn stuff and pass exams.
- It's days like today that make me miss Eddie. - Eddie?
Mmm. Dissection twice a week for two years.
- Always there. Good old Eddie. - Was Eddie your cadaver?
Mmm. Yeah, the best ever. He's the reason I want to be a pathologist.
I just wish I could have said... something.
Comforted her. Done the whole bedside manner thing, you know?
So why didn't you?
What was I gonna say?
"It'll be OK." And it won't.
"You'll be fine. " Will she?
I even phoned her boyfriend. He turned out to be a jerk.
I always try and find something in common.
What?
If I have a patient I really want to help, I try to find a common bond.
Did you steal my scrubs?
I did not steal your scrubs.
I was going to and then Simon came in.
- Did you steal my scrubs? - No.
Did you?
Yes.
This is so wrong. You can't do this to friends, to flatmates,
just to win a competition.
Whoever wins should win because everyone's got an equal chance,
on a totally level playing field,
not because you're all playing sneaky tricks on each other.
Why haven't you played any tricks on me?
- We just haven't got round to it. - And we like you.
And you don't like Cath or Ams?
You don't see me as a threat, do you?
- What? - You don't think I can win. - Of course we do.
Rhian!
One of the nurses asked me to pick something up from orthopaedics.
I haven't had time. Bit snowed under.
Erm, would you go for me and ask them for a long weight, please?
A long wait?
Yes.
And that's the best you can do?
- Rhi's right. - We're mates.
We should help each other out, not do each other down.
- Just for some crazy competition. - Which we probably wouldn't win.
- To impress some dumb consultant. - Just stuff Mr Bond.
- Stuff the competition. - Stuff Mr Bond and his competition.
With knobs on.
You look like a clown.
Do you like clowns?
- Lipstick! - What? - Can I borrow your lipstick?
I thought we said no more games.
This isn't a game. Well, it is, kind of.
Just give me your lipstick.
- Purple or pink? - Both.
I suppose he drinks mocha too.
Stupid place to leave a foot.
- Ams? - Mmmh?
What have I in common with a pregnant girl who doesn't know she's due?
I don't know, what do you have in common?
Sorry, was that not a joke?
The pregnant woman is about to take on this huge responsibility
for a total stranger.
That is what you kind of do as a doctor.
Yes.
Sorry.
I'm just going to have to tickle you until I find out where the pain is.
Is it here?
Or is it here?
- Speak or suffer the tickle stick forever. -My tummy.
Have you been to the toilet today?
Whenever I don't go to the toilet, I always do a...
- She's constipated. - Yes.
A spoonful of lactulose and plenty of water will sort it out.
You're the worst clown ever.
You're a bad patient. Soon, you will be better. Then who will I tickle?
- Tickle her. - I might just.
Or him.
- It's not the full story. - No. - She will need a full examination.
- Yes. - Still. - Is she talking to us?
Erin Phillips. I sent her up to maternity earlier.
Just come back.
We do it day after day, care for patients.
It's not the same, but it's taking responsibility for someone else.
I just wanted to say...
...you're not alone.
Did you call Sam?
- Why don't I call your parents? - They wouldn't want to know.
About their own grandson?
They didn't approve of me and Sam.
They told me not to come running back when it all went wrong.
I told them I loved him.
Really loved him.
- Make no difference? - They're not very good when it comes to love.
I can't remember them ever giving me a hug.
I know how you feel.
- How do you? You have all these nurses to call on. - I do.
- And all the other doctors. - I just do. - How?
I know how it feels to be in love with someone who doesn't love you.
Do you?
Yes.
Another doctor?
And a flatmate.
Does she know?
Horrible, isn't it?
Yeah.
What's your name?
Simon.
Do you know what name I've always liked? Eddie.
Eddie.
Sam!
Sam.
You can go in now. It's fine. Everything's over.
No.
Your baby is in there. He's a boy.
- He would be... - That's not why I came. Just... give her this.
Tell her it's the last of it. I told her it was over and it is.
She should know I'm back with my girlfriend.
Can't screw that up again.
She needs you, both of you. Only, she's too scared to call.
No, you listen to me. You are going to come down here.
You're going to come down now and give your daughter a hug.
Maybe, if you'd done it years ago, she wouldn't have taken up
with the first loser that showed her any signs of affection.
Yeah. Right, OK.
'First floor. '
I said, "Doctor, 20 cups a day I drink and it's never done any harm. "
Stupid door.
'Have you lost weight since I was here last? '
'Stupid place to leave a foot. '
Dilys...
Mrs Button to you.
Fuss about nothing.
- You've got blurred vision. - Rubbish. - Which is why you bang into things.
- And you drink way too much tea. - Tea is good for you.
- And you've lost a lot of weight. - It's nearly off the scale.
- What is? - Nurse Penny is going to take you down to Casualty.
- You've got very high blood sugar. - Rubbish!
I'll give up my mocha.
If you go down to Casualty, I'll give up my mocha.
You're still a rotten doctor!
And you're a miserable, po faced, evil old bat!
- I know we said it didn't matter... - Paris. - Conference. - Golf course.
But?
- What are you talking about? - Oh, the new consultant.
Mr Bond!
What?
- It's a tradition, alright? - Every year, always the same.
Don't tell me... Gilmore got it last year.
Professor Gilmore, he'll be, by the time he's 30.
You mean there's no competition?
- But there's a Mr Bond? - There's a Mr Bond, alright.
- Well, who is is then? - The time and motion man.
- Time and what? - Management send him over every year with his clipboard,
see where we can be made more efficient.
You know, walk a bit faster...
Kill the patients that bit quicker...
And you all fell for it.
I love it!
I've been talking to Alun, told me a great way to impress the consultant.
No sneaky tricks either. Come on.
- You go on. - We'll catch up with you. - Just gotta finish something first.
- We should have told her. - We will. Just not yet. - I feel awful. - Me too!
- I couldn't help it. - I love her and everything,
in a manner of speaking, but...
Hey, did Rhian tell you about the new consultant?
- I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction. - We know.
- Know what? - Penny told us all about Mr Bond. - Yeah, the competition?
The mythical new consultant.
- That bit's true. There is a new consultant. - Dr Mowad, it's Melissa.
Her temperature's way too high and her stomach was tender.
- Are you thinking appendix? - We need to examine Melissa properly.
- Go on then. Get on with it. - Can't you speak to her?
- I was meant to be out of here ages ago. - This is really important.
And what I do isn't?
Not as much as what happens to your daughter in the next few hours.
I mean, surely you care about that.
Go after her. Go after her!
Everything's going to be alright. Alright? Good girl.
Everybody thought I'd fall apart.
I could see it in their eyes.
"Poor cow," they're thinking.
"Her husband's walked out on her, she has no chance now. "
But I didn't. I got myself a job. And another one in the evening.
So whatever she wants, wherever she wants to go, she can do it.
It doesn't leave you much time to enjoy each other.
What I care about is providing for her.
Food on her table, clothes on her back, school books, sport stuff.
Don't you get it? I'm doing all this so she won't go without.
- But she is going without... - My daughter wants for nothing!
She's going without her Mum. She thinks you don't like her.
I love her.
She's all I've got.
What else can I do?
Have you ever told her that you love her?
I start sometimes.
I think you should show her instead.
Sweetheart.
Sweetheart?
Don't say it!
I look stupid, I know!
Dr Mowad...
...the new consultant's here.
- This isn't another wind up, is it? - There really is a new consultant.
Would you call me "new"?
The number of times you've left and come back, you're like a yo-yo.
Like a yo-yo, eh?
I always said this place was a madhouse. No wonder I can't keep away.
Careful, Dr Strettle. You'll catch flies like that!
- So there isn't a new consultant. - The old one's coming back.
- And there wasn't a competition. - Just Alun winding us up.
- So today's been a complete waste of time. - Complete and total.
Might as well just stayed in bed.
One step, two steps, tickle under there!
I still would have won though.
Sorry.
In your dreams.
So what was it?
- What? - You said you had this great way of impressing Mr Bond.
Ha-yah!
I never got round to it.
Yes!
- True love. - What is that?
- The baby's going to be OK, isn't she? - I don't know. - You promised me.
- Mitzy always goes everywhere with me. - Dr Mowad...
- Do you have any experience on maternity? - None at all.
You know, if something goes wrong, you've got two lives hanging in the balance.
You're the biggest brain. What do you think?
You better not give me sarcoptic mange!
This is serious. They've got a manager and a recording contract.
You're brilliant, I'm a rock star's girlfriend!
Corrected by Lauta