1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:02,910 it was saturday night in new york city, 2 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,980 and the young metropolitan set was out on the town, 3 00:00:05,990 --> 00:00:07,350 living the kind of crazy lifestyle 4 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,220 you can only find in the big apple. 5 00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:18,250 a hundred 6 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,110 we only got 82 on our honeymoon. 7 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,680 so, robin 8 00:00:21,690 --> 00:00:23,510 mm? i've got a guy for you. 9 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,280 oh? 10 00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,250 he's cute. 11 00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:26,480 he's funny. he's smart. 12 00:00:26,490 --> 00:00:28,180 what's his "but"? what do you mean? 13 00:00:28,190 --> 00:00:29,680 when someone wants to set you up, 14 00:00:29,690 --> 00:00:31,410 they always tell you their good qualities first, but 15 00:00:31,420 --> 00:00:33,150 but then they leave out their huge flaw. 16 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,780 she's totally hot and really fun. 17 00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:37,610 but she has a dead tooth. 18 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:40,680 she's super-hot, and she's so successful. 19 00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:42,250 but she has a pug 20 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:44,150 that she pushes around in a stroller. 21 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:47,050 she's so cute, and she's so smart. 22 00:00:47,060 --> 00:00:48,450 but her last boyfriend had 23 00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:50,110 get a restraining order against her, 24 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,750 and then his cat and new vacuum cleaner both went missing. 25 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,110 wow set her up 26 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,280 i'm still convinced 27 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,880 she killed my turtle. 28 00:00:57,890 --> 00:01:00,310 hey you know what? not every setup has a "but." 29 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,780 what about, um, jamie, that girl 30 00:01:01,790 --> 00:01:03,510 that lily set you up with? yeah. 31 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,510 she was really nice. if memory serves me, she had a huge "but. 32 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:06,680 her huge butt. 33 00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:08,010 nailed it! 34 00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:09,580 yeah. 35 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:11,310 well, there's nothing wrong with this guy. 36 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,050 he's really nice, and he's really cute... 37 00:01:13,060 --> 00:01:14,080 but 38 00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:15,610 fine. 39 00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:17,220 but he has a kid. 40 00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:18,620 aha! there it is! 41 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,750 robin's not going out with a guy with a kid. 42 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,150 but the guy is really great, and his kid's sweet. 43 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,480 he's in my class. 44 00:01:24,490 --> 00:01:26,210 it doesn't matter robin hates kids. 45 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,380 i don't hate kids. 46 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:28,650 you told me 47 00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:30,850 even when you were a kid, you hated kids. 48 00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:32,250 robin,will you watch 49 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,850 cartool with me? 50 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,510 i go to school all week. 51 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,510 can't i just have 52 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:37,910 five minutes to myself 53 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:41,660 to read highlights and drink my juice? 54 00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:43,850 okay, yes, kids are not my favorite thing 55 00:01:43,860 --> 00:01:45,580 in the world,but i like them 56 00:01:45,590 --> 00:01:47,510 well, you don't want to have them. 57 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,780 i like sports cars, but it doesn't mean 58 00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:52,280 i want to push a ferrari through my vagina. 59 00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:53,910 shotgun. 60 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,650 you can't blame us for thinking that the kid would be a problem. 61 00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:58,410 i mean, if we were friends with garfield, 62 00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:00,650 we wouldn't set him up on a date with mondays. 63 00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:03,710 nice. 64 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:04,810 you know what the kid is not a problem i want to meet this guy. 65 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,210 okay. that's awesome! yeah. 66 00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:08,480 hey, what's my "but"? 67 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:12,550 u know i'm a... i am really nice but... 68 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,580 but she's afraid of commitments. 69 00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:15,980 but she's a gun nut. 70 00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,710 but she'scanadian. 71 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,310 but she didn't like field of dreams. 72 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,850 i can't think of... 73 00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:23,860 you don't have a but. 74 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,660 i've got it. here. put on this eye patch. 75 00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:42,960 why? 76 00:02:42,970 --> 00:02:46,400 the ultimate ice-breaker. 77 00:02:46,410 --> 00:02:49,370 a bunch of cobras got loose in central park. 78 00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:51,600 you and i are jogging.. 79 00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:54,170 training for the death valley iron man. 80 00:02:54,180 --> 00:02:55,900 no big deal. we do it every year. 81 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:57,170 mm-hmm suddenly, 82 00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,570 we see these snake bastards 83 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,170 sneaking towards a little baby. 84 00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:03,900 not on our watch. 85 00:03:03,910 --> 00:03:04,800 you grab the kid 86 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,330 i strangle six cobras 87 00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:10,060 with my bare hands. 88 00:03:10,070 --> 00:03:14,860 women of new york, one at a time, please. 89 00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:16,530 so what the the eye patches for? 90 00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:18,340 i got bit. 91 00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:19,240 on the eye? 92 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,130 yes. 93 00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,500 both of us? 94 00:03:22,510 --> 00:03:24,000 they're different eyes. 95 00:03:24,010 --> 00:03:26,060 i don't know see why this bumps you! 96 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:29,060 patch up! 97 00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:31,370 so robin went on a date with george, 98 00:03:31,380 --> 00:03:33,470 the guy with the kid, and afterwards... 99 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,730 okay here's the thing. 100 00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:35,900 george is 101 00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:37,060 a great guy. 102 00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:39,700 we had a wonderful date. but.... 103 00:03:39,710 --> 00:03:42,330 great i can't wait to meet him. 104 00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:43,830 "can't wait to meet him"? 105 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,230 why did i say that? 106 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,200 i don't want to meet his kid. well, you knew 107 00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:48,830 you'd meet him sooner or later. 108 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,660 oh. i was just hoping for later, 109 00:03:50,670 --> 00:03:52,060 like in 20 years 110 00:03:52,070 --> 00:03:54,100 when i'm a cougar and he's as hot as his dad. 111 00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:55,430 robin, what's the big deal? 112 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:56,530 he's just a kid 113 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,470 he's not going to bite. 114 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,660 he may bite. 115 00:03:59,670 --> 00:04:01,400 we're working on biting. 116 00:04:01,410 --> 00:04:02,860 why is this kid around anyway? 117 00:04:02,870 --> 00:04:04,300 shouldn't he be with his mom? 118 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,700 i mean, what kind of lawyer does this guy have 119 00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:09,570 if he has to take care of the kid all the time 120 00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:10,860 a good one. 121 00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:12,230 he won full custody. 122 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,730 he won?! he won? 123 00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:18,730 oh god, getting the kid is winning, isn't it? 124 00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:21,200 don't tell anyone i said that. 125 00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:22,530 mm. no. 126 00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:24,800 i'm going out buying eye patches. 127 00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:26,730 what are you doing to help score chicks? 128 00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:29,030 okay, i'm going to let you in on a little secret. 129 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,700 people with real game don't need eye patches. 130 00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:33,570 oh. theodore. 131 00:04:33,580 --> 00:04:34,900 no no no 132 00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:37,470 you can't spell "game" without me, 133 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,030 and me has the best game. 134 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,530 yeah, well, 135 00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:44,700 i got so much game, i'm cornish game hen. 136 00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:47,860 oh, yeah? i'm the new york state gaming commissioner. 137 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,170 well, i'm the game. 138 00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:50,660 well-crafted, keep-you-guessing thriller 139 00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:52,330 starring michael douglas and sean pen 140 00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:53,760 wow. 141 00:04:53,770 --> 00:04:56,500 wow. you're here 142 00:04:56,510 --> 00:04:58,840 and not in stall two. 143 00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,930 yeah. so 144 00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:02,570 i may have made some 145 00:05:02,580 --> 00:05:05,030 wildly inappropriate homoerotic comments 146 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:08,740 to a gentleman wearing your shoes. 147 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,430 okay, marshall? yes. 148 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,800 which one of us has more game? 149 00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:16,130 neither of you guys has any game, right? 150 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,730 or else you'd be married like me. 151 00:05:18,740 --> 00:05:19,600 what? 152 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:20,960 if dating is the game, 153 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:23,330 then marriage is winning the game. 154 00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:26,100 yeah. if you're playing in the women's league. 155 00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:27,100 you're joking. 156 00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:29,000 i have mad game, brah. 157 00:05:29,010 --> 00:05:31,100 okay one 158 00:05:31,110 --> 00:05:33,400 we agreed not ever to say " brah" any more 159 00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:36,300 it was a good week, we had a lot of fun, 160 00:05:36,310 --> 00:05:37,760 but it's over. 161 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,060 two 162 00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:41,100 you've been with lily for 11 years. 163 00:05:41,110 --> 00:05:42,300 your idea of good game 164 00:05:42,310 --> 00:05:44,300 is slapping on a dr. seuce's hat 165 00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,660 and flashing two tickets to a spin doctors concert. 166 00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:50,210 yeah, i hate to say it, buddy, 167 00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:51,710 -but, uh, you're kind of irrelevant 168 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:52,570 -what? i am not irrelevant. 169 00:05:52,580 --> 00:05:53,900 i know tons of stuff. 170 00:05:53,910 --> 00:05:55,330 i can help you guy 171 00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:57,530 i don't want to be left out. 172 00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:59,630 ted you do not have more game than me. 173 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:00,800 by sheer numbers 174 00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:02,060 along i win. 175 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,860 come on, dude. you've seen my list. 176 00:06:03,870 --> 00:06:05,270 you guys want to hear one of my lines? 177 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,900 first of all, i did not ask to see that list, 178 00:06:06,910 --> 00:06:08,470 and i am still horrified. 179 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:09,530 and true game 180 00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:11,940 is about quality, not quantity, 181 00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:14,800 and a quality girl would pick me over you any day. 182 00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:16,130 are you a model? 183 00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:18,170 that one's good because it's flattering. 184 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:19,530 to the girl. 185 00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:21,500 ted 186 00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:25,800 i challenge you to a picking up girls olympiad. 187 00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:27,570 fine there will be 26 events 188 00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:28,860 spread out over 11 weeks. 189 00:06:28,870 --> 00:06:30,630 we will travel to a neutral city 190 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,130 where a panel of internationa 191 00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:35,960 or we could just choose a girl at first to seal the deal who wins 192 00:06:35,970 --> 00:06:37,030 and that's good, too.mm-hmm. 193 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,270 how about her? 194 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,230 you're on. 195 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,430 before we start, 196 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,530 why don't we jot down a few basic ground rules? 197 00:06:45,540 --> 00:06:47,570 okay, great. rule #1: no eye patches 198 00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:50,370 or props of any... 199 00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,130 one time 200 00:06:52,140 --> 00:06:54,860 i was with this girl, and i tried that model line, 201 00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:57,370 and i totally got some over-the-shirt boob action 202 00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:59,060 in the "just say no" assembly. 203 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:00,270 man, just stop. 204 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,270 you're bumming everybody out. 205 00:07:04,410 --> 00:07:06,400 rule number two 206 00:07:06,410 --> 00:07:09,540 the bet is for one million dollars. 207 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,170 i win. 208 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,070 how? 209 00:07:12,070 --> 00:07:13,230 oh, i slept with her. 210 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,400 about a year ago. 211 00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:15,500 i just forgot. 212 00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:17,530 oh, well, that doesn't count. 213 00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:19,500 the bet started the moment we shook. 214 00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:22,230 but i can't sleep with her again,she hates me. 215 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:23,570 oh interesting. 216 00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:25,160 look who just took a commanding lead. 217 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:28,630 -now with you out of the picture i can take -ted, she's leaving. 218 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,960 get out of my way. 219 00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:32,300 by the look 220 00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:36,240 of those shoes here comes your bathroom buddy. 221 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:45,080 look who's got game. 222 00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:48,330 so, you're a big kids person, huh? 223 00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:49,460 only the biggest ever 224 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,960 i think kids are so great, 225 00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:57,130 especially uh the ones, you know, uh... pudgy, 226 00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:59,270 can't sit up, don't have teeth yet. 227 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:00,170 you mean babies? 228 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,800 yeah, i like that kind. 229 00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:03,930 well, doug's almost six, 230 00:08:03,940 --> 00:08:05,230 oh, six is great. 231 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,000 oh, you are going to love six. 232 00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:10,660 six is when they, uh, they really start to, um... 233 00:08:10,670 --> 00:08:13,300 i hate kids. 234 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:14,630 excuse me. what? 235 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,300 i mean, i don't hate kids. 236 00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,060 i'm-i'm just not a kid person. 237 00:08:18,070 --> 00:08:20,760 i mean, yeah, it's cute that their shoes are real little, 238 00:08:20,770 --> 00:08:23,730 but beyond that, what's the drawl? 239 00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:25,830 you must think i'm nuts. 240 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,000 what? no, no, no. i... 241 00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:28,370 so you don't like kids, so what? 242 00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:29,370 and i'm not looking 243 00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,030 for a mother for doug. 244 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,500 uh, why don't we just hold off on you meeting him? 245 00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:34,730 yeah. 246 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,630 let's take things slow. 247 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,040 and kids, that's exactly what she did. 248 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,130 then, on a totally different date 249 00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:43,830 that was definitely not the next morning, 250 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:48,170 aunt robin had to face her worst fear. 251 00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:51,600 hey, what's up? 252 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:52,860 it's here, lily. 253 00:08:52,870 --> 00:08:54,100 it's looking at me. 254 00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:55,370 what? 255 00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:57,400 the kid. what do i do? 256 00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:59,030 just talk to him. you can do this, robin. 257 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:00,170 who are you? 258 00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:03,330 um, i'm robin. 259 00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:04,370 that's a bird's name. 260 00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:05,530 ah, no, it's not 261 00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:06,930 it's actually a type of bird. 262 00:09:06,940 --> 00:09:10,730 my friend patrick has a parakeet named robin, so there. 263 00:09:10,740 --> 00:09:11,980 do you want to talk in morse code? 264 00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:15,550 dude, i'm-i'm just reading my paper, so... 265 00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:24,230 i'm starving. will you make me cereal? 266 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,900 sure. 267 00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:28,200 what are you doing? you're supposed 268 00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:29,400 to pour the milk first. 269 00:09:29,410 --> 00:09:30,860 what?! no, you pour the cereal first 270 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,530 so you know how much milk you need. 271 00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:34,200 it tastes better milk first! 272 00:09:34,210 --> 00:09:36,860 it all tastes the same once it's in the bowl. 273 00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:38,660 why are you wearing my dad's pants? 274 00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:41,980 milk first it is. 275 00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:43,660 what are you reading? 276 00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,760 the business section. 277 00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:47,600 the fed's going to lower rates again 278 00:09:47,610 --> 00:09:49,200 to bail out these sub-prime lenders. 279 00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:50,800 bunch of idiots. 280 00:09:50,810 --> 00:09:53,630 ms. aldrin says it's not nice to call people names. 281 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,470 well, maybe if they weren't such idiots, 282 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,370 i wouldn't have to call them that. 283 00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:59,630 that's what i said. 284 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,960 you're pretty cool. 285 00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:04,210 you too. 286 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,630 meanwhile stacey and i had start 287 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,630 oh, stacey was the girl from the bar. 288 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,800 anyway, i was close to winning the bet 289 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,060 when something unexpected happened. 290 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,860 i started to really like her. 291 00:10:14,870 --> 00:10:16,100 well, have fun in yoga. 292 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:17,270 she's strengthening her core. 293 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,100 i think that's going to be good. 294 00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,800 yeah? all right. 295 00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:24,310 after a while, crocodile. 296 00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:25,900 you see this? 297 00:10:25,910 --> 00:10:27,010 game face. 298 00:10:27,020 --> 00:10:29,550 whatever, ted get this. 299 00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:31,350 she play bass 300 00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,370 in a reggae band. 301 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:35,370 they're having a show this friday. 302 00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:36,630 how cool is that? 303 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,910 oh, does she know that one song? 304 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,330 what's that song called? 305 00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:45,930 oh, right. it's called every reggae song. 306 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:47,500 i am not irrelevant. what? 307 00:10:47,510 --> 00:10:48,730 i ran the numbers. 308 00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:51,600 if lily and i have sex twice a week, 309 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,630 which let's be honest, we all know is being conservative, 310 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,110 and we've been together 311 00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:56,530 for ten years, 312 00:10:56,540 --> 00:10:59,800 plus 17 more times on the honeymoon, 313 00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:02,430 minus the two-week drought when i said the checker 314 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,710 at the grocery store might have met me and the young lily 315 00:11:04,710 --> 00:11:07,630 then we have had sex a total of 316 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,930 -wait for it -nice. 317 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:13,160 1,053-1/2 times. 318 00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:15,130 my mom called once. 319 00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:16,700 but that's more times than barney 320 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,130 has ever had sex, and to your point, ted 321 00:11:19,140 --> 00:11:20,600 lily is a quality girl. 322 00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:21,800 i win. 323 00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:24,680 lawyered. 324 00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:26,960 doesn't count. 325 00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,860 it totally counts. 326 00:11:28,870 --> 00:11:30,030 you're right. it does count. 327 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,100 it counts as one. 328 00:11:31,110 --> 00:11:32,500 you've had sex once. 329 00:11:32,510 --> 00:11:35,170 how was it? 330 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:39,610 i still matter. 331 00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:42,370 okay ted go win the bet. 332 00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:45,330 you have my blessing she's a wonderful girl. 333 00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:46,800 i should know. 334 00:11:46,810 --> 00:11:48,170 oh, okay. 335 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:49,960 okay i see what you're doing. 336 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:52,830 we've never shared a woman, have we ted? 337 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,060 isn't that funny? 338 00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:55,100 you're with her now. 339 00:11:55,110 --> 00:11:56,630 i was with her a year ago 340 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,570 you figure, for her, that's like 200 showers ago. 341 00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:01,270 you've got to ask yourself ted 342 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,960 "is 200 enough?" 343 00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:04,860 you know what? 344 00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,170 i don't mind. 345 00:12:06,180 --> 00:12:07,800 no, of course you don't mind. 346 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,470 just lik the second guy to climb 347 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,730 mount everest didn't mind getting all the way to the top 348 00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:14,400 only to find sir edmund hillary flat pole 349 00:12:14,410 --> 00:12:16,730 thrust into its supple peak. 350 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:18,860 no, i'm sure when you're with her, 351 00:12:18,870 --> 00:12:20,700 i'll be the furthest thing from your mind 352 00:12:20,710 --> 00:12:22,960 kissing what i've already kissed, 353 00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:25,800 nuzzling what i've already nuzzled, 354 00:12:25,810 --> 00:12:27,570 going... 355 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:31,170 on what i've already gone on. 356 00:12:31,180 --> 00:12:33,600 barney, i'm not afraid 357 00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:35,830 of catching your cooties, 'kay? 358 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,170 really? ted's not afraid of cooties? 359 00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:40,200 no okay well then i guess you'd have no problem 360 00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:41,500 having a sip of my g.d tonic. 361 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,710 fine 362 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:52,270 and i only stirred that with my pinky 363 00:12:53,210 --> 00:12:56,000 guess who loves robin. 364 00:12:56,010 --> 00:12:59,860 kids. kids love ted. 365 00:12:59,870 --> 00:13:01,570 doug thinks i'm pretty cool. 366 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,760 really, that's great! 367 00:13:02,770 --> 00:13:05,730 you and george, all thanks to me. 368 00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:07,600 ah'i'm gonna have to break up with him. 369 00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:08,760 what? 370 00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:10,400 well, it's just. 371 00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:12,330 it's getting a little bit too serious with the kid. 372 00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:13,660 you know, it's just not 373 00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:15,370 what i'm looking for. 374 00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:16,380 better i break it off now 375 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:19,230 before he gets too attached. 376 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,230 what? 377 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,730 i hate to tell you this, but.. 378 00:13:22,740 --> 00:13:25,740 too late. 379 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,910 he drew it in class today. 380 00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:38,960 there is no way that's a picture of me. 381 00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:40,430 that woman has on hoop earrings. 382 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,130 i don't even own hoop earrings. 383 00:13:42,140 --> 00:13:43,590 i have one pair and they're gold. 384 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:44,890 those are fruit loops. 385 00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,930 you are so in denial right now 386 00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:49,860 and you're doing what you always do in relationships: 387 00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:53,690 the second you get close to a guy, you want to bail. 388 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,730 okay, granted, he's six, 389 00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:56,190 but the point stands. 390 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,860 well, we'll ask the guys. 391 00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:00,630 they'll tell you that's not me. 392 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,960 that's totally you. 393 00:14:01,970 --> 00:14:03,860 what... you guys are crazy. 394 00:14:03,870 --> 00:14:05,530 hey, who drew the picture of robin? 395 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:06,530 it's not me. 396 00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:07,590 you're joking right? 397 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,830 -it's not me! -"my new mommy." 398 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,160 kind of has a nice ring to it. 399 00:14:12,170 --> 00:14:13,860 hey, now that you're a mom are you going to start wearing 400 00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:15,370 those totally awesome jeans 401 00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:16,430 that go right up to your boobs? 402 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,560 do you guys really think this is me? 403 00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:19,990 honey, it's you. 404 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,860 and if you're going to break up with george, 405 00:14:21,870 --> 00:14:23,530 you have to break up with his kid, too. 406 00:14:23,540 --> 00:14:24,730 really? 407 00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,490 yeah, you can't just abandon him. 408 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,990 you have to talk to him. 409 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,130 come on, you know 410 00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:31,360 it's the right thing to do. 411 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,330 oh, man. 412 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:37,140 doug was right you are a pa 413 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,830 so i had a really nice time tonight. 414 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,930 me, too. 415 00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:44,200 yeah? 416 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,460 hey, ted, pucker up all you want, 417 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,970 but i was here first 418 00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:00,560 from this spot, i also launched 419 00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:03,860 an expedition those two large ridges 420 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:07,570 down there. 421 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,660 ted? 422 00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:23,100 something wrong? 423 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,730 hey, doug. 424 00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:27,160 are you here to see my dad? 425 00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:28,560 he's taking a shower. 426 00:15:28,570 --> 00:15:30,830 actually, i came to see you. 427 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:31,930 i wrote a poem. 428 00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:33,390 do you want to hear it 429 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,490 sure. why not? 430 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,870 "to my new mommy" 431 00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:39,660 "you are pretty" 432 00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:41,490 "you are nice" 433 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,490 "and you smell like daisies" 434 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:45,090 aw, that is so sweet. 435 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,090 even though it doesn't right 436 00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:50,020 look, uh, doug. 437 00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,360 there's no good way to say this 438 00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:54,790 aunt robin didn't know to what to say. 439 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,190 this kid has never been dumped before. 440 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,990 but then she realized... 441 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,790 this kid had never been dumped before. 442 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,790 she could use every cliche in the book. 443 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,030 we need to talk. 444 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,130 i just think, hum 445 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:09,460 we both could use some space right now. 446 00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:11,460 it's not you. it's me. 447 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:14,490 i know this hurts, but you deserts someone better 448 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:18,060 i'm just really trying to focus on my career right now. 449 00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:19,630 you know? 450 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,040 i just hope we can still be friends. 451 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,830 hi, i'm brooke. 452 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,240 i'm here for my date with george. 453 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,570 you must be 454 00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:35,600 the babysitter. 455 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:40,860 i had so much coffee earlier. 456 00:16:40,870 --> 00:16:44,140 i need to run to the loo, but hey, dougie. 457 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,290 what the hell was that? 458 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,630 that was my new mom. 459 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,360 so... this picture is not of me? 460 00:16:54,370 --> 00:16:56,430 why would i draw a picture of you? 461 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,360 wha...? 462 00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:00,190 how many dates has she been on with your dad? 463 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,330 two. 464 00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:02,440 i've been on five 465 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,530 and you like her better? 466 00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:05,660 we just really connected. 467 00:17:05,670 --> 00:17:07,030 and what about me? 468 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,360 you think i just go around pouring cereal 469 00:17:09,370 --> 00:17:10,930 for every boy in town? 470 00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:13,660 why are you getting so upset, roberta? 471 00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:16,140 robin my name is robin. 472 00:17:16,140 --> 00:17:17,990 like the bird, remember? 473 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,930 whatever. 474 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:23,090 so that's it, huh? 475 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:25,930 look, you're great, but... 476 00:17:25,940 --> 00:17:29,430 yeah. there's always a "but." 477 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,860 well, i couldn't do it. 478 00:17:30,870 --> 00:17:32,290 i broke up with her. 479 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,790 thanks a lot, by the way. 480 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,360 a beautiful, sexy girl 481 00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:37,790 and all i could think about you being there first. 482 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,930 you were stuck in my head like chumbawamba song. 483 00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:44,990 which chumbawamba song? 484 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,990 well, what an interesting turn of events 485 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,290 it looks like i'm going to win. 486 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:52,130 what do you mean "win"? you couldn't even talk to her. 487 00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:53,760 you tried and you got slapped. mm-hmm 488 00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:55,060 that's what you think happened. 489 00:17:55,070 --> 00:17:56,190 okay, great, rule no.1: 490 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,560 no eye patch or props of any... 491 00:17:58,570 --> 00:18:00,560 here's the deal: my friend just got dumped, so he's a little shy, 492 00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:02,590 but i'd love to buy you a drink and get to know you. 493 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,790 the problem is, she this a pretty girl like you won't go for a guy like him. 494 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,260 so would you slap me across the face so he can see 495 00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,530 you're not into guys who'd feed you lines? 496 00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:08,630 what do you say? for my friend? 497 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,430 you are so sweet. 498 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,330 so now, whatever nice things 499 00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:14,790 ted does for her, in her mind, 500 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,630 i'm the guy who's even nicer than him. 501 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,890 so you never slept with her? 502 00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,730 not even at all. 503 00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:21,890 wow, that's good. 504 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:23,190 it gets better. 505 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,590 remember ted's phone conversation? 506 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,160 we have fun in yoga. 507 00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:28,800 well.. 508 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,290 i am... sorry. 509 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:31,890 stacey, right? 510 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:34,790 yeah... oh, you're ted's friend fro||the bar, right? 511 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,990 yeah. wait, don't tell me you go to yoga here, too. 512 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,190 i do. 513 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,260 she plays bass in a reggae band. 514 00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:43,430 and then i'm going to head out to a reggae concert. 515 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:44,490 i'm a huge an of reggae. 516 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,760 oh my gosh! 517 00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:47,430 i play in a reggae band. 518 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,860 no way. 519 00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:50,160 i wonder why ted didn't tell me about that. 520 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:52,590 like i said, i'm a huge reggae fan. 521 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,990 well... i should go inside. 522 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,490 after a while, crocodile. 523 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,930 see you later, allig... see you later, allig.. 524 00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:01,160 we are two ears. 525 00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:02,930 wow, well, take care. 526 00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:06,970 um, namaste. 527 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,090 you are a sociopath. 528 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,990 and that was my yoga mat. 529 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,390 so now with ted out of the picture, 530 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,530 i'm going to swoop in and win the whole thing. 531 00:19:19,540 --> 00:19:22,900 why? parce que j'ai le jeu, mes iennes. 532 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,690 translation: 533 00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:27,460 "cause i got game, bitches" 534 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,060 no no this doen't prove anything because... 535 00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,460 hold on a second. 536 00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:32,960 it's stace . 537 00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:34,790 hey, stace? 538 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,960 what happened? 539 00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:39,630 he did not! 540 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,630 stay there. 541 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,700 i'll be right over. 542 00:19:44,540 --> 00:19:49,170 i should've just rn that stupid eye patch. 543 00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:52,330 oh, i can't believe you got dumped by a six years old. 544 00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:55,330 whatever he's a stupid-head. 545 00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:57,330 i'm just... i'm done with kids. 546 00:19:57,340 --> 00:20:00,330 of course, ted eventually made her peace with kids. 547 00:20:00,340 --> 00:20:02,390 and as you guy know she went on to appear 548 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,480 in some very important works of art: yours. 549 00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:09,790 US And Aunt Robin 550 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,380 US and Aunt Robin At THE ZOO 551 00:20:13,390 --> 00:20:16,840 US AND AUNT ROBIN AT THE BEACH 552 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:23,210 one month later 553 00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:25,080 hey 554 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:26,710 you know, i really appreciate 555 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,850 how cool you've been about us taking things slow. 556 00:20:29,860 --> 00:20:31,350 since ted, you know, i... 557 00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,950 i don't really want to get physical too fast. 558 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,280 that's what makes you so special, baby. 559 00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:38,250 anyway, i am so psyched 560 00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:39,880 to be playing sunsplash tomorrow. 561 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,080 we go on sometime between 11:00 and 6:00, 562 00:20:42,090 --> 00:20:46,610 so you probably want to get there before 9:00 just to be safe. 563 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,990 oh, and it's gonna be muddy.