1
00:00:00,918 --> 00:00:03,286
( door opens, closes)

2
00:00:08,792 --> 00:00:09,926
Hey!

3
00:00:12,196 --> 00:00:13,463
Everything okay?

4
00:00:13,530 --> 00:00:16,933
Yeah, deet sheet calls
for 500 16 ounce cups.

5
00:00:17,001 --> 00:00:18,368
So I'm just...

6
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,103
So you're counting them?

7
00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,804
Ron, they come
100 to a sleeve.

8
00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:23,039
Here, here's 200.

9
00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:24,507
You got 200 there,

10
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:25,608
You got 100 in your hand,
you're all set.

11
00:00:25,676 --> 00:00:26,676
Oh right, Henry?

12
00:00:26,744 --> 00:00:27,944
Yes?

13
00:00:28,012 --> 00:00:31,314
When you have an orgasm,
how much stuff comes out?

14
00:00:33,317 --> 00:00:34,784
Of your penis?

15
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:44,000
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com

16
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,263
(Henry)
well, why come to me with this?

17
00:00:47,331 --> 00:00:48,565
I mean why not a doctor,

18
00:00:48,666 --> 00:00:51,568
Or close personal friend...

19
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:52,602
You've watched porn,
right?

20
00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:54,871
I'm not a connoisseur
or anything...

21
00:00:54,939 --> 00:00:57,440
I mean, is that normal?

22
00:00:57,508 --> 00:00:58,475
I mean, in bartending terms,

23
00:00:58,542 --> 00:01:00,210
You know, these guys
ejaculate like,

24
00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:02,178
A jigger full.

25
00:01:02,246 --> 00:01:03,947
I used to think
it was trick photography,

26
00:01:04,015 --> 00:01:07,150
Like some guy off-camera with
a super-soaker or something,

27
00:01:07,218 --> 00:01:08,351
But I've studied it,

28
00:01:08,419 --> 00:01:10,286
You know on dvd you can
slow it down frame by frame,

29
00:01:10,354 --> 00:01:12,288
And unless it's CGI,

30
00:01:12,356 --> 00:01:14,757
Which I can't imagine
that they have the budget for,

31
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,259
That's a lot of ejaculate.

32
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,427
Or is it?

33
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,728
I don't know...

34
00:01:18,796 --> 00:01:20,229
I don't known Ron,
I mean I wouldn't sweat it.

35
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:21,764
I never did.

36
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,066
I mean Sandy Jarrett
used to give me handies

37
00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:24,434
In the skateland parking lot

38
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,169
And my stuff would

39
00:01:26,236 --> 00:01:28,905
Hang right off the visor
of my cordoba.

40
00:01:28,973 --> 00:01:30,940
Lately I've been
dating this girl,

41
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,142
And the last time,
afterwards,

42
00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:34,610
She says to me,

43
00:01:35,779 --> 00:01:37,246
"is that all?"

44
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,883
Well maybe she was having
an existential crisis.

45
00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:42,785
She says I must
jerk off all the time,

46
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,253
Because I am
completely depleted.

47
00:01:44,321 --> 00:01:46,990
I mean Henry,
can you fill up a thimble?

48
00:01:47,057 --> 00:01:48,691
Because, I have tried,
and I cannot.

49
00:01:48,759 --> 00:01:49,993
I can't do it.

50
00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:52,562
Oh God, I don't need
to know this information Ron.

51
00:01:52,629 --> 00:01:54,263
Is there something
wrong with me?

52
00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:57,100
I think so, yes.

53
00:01:57,167 --> 00:01:58,501
Quite possibly...

54
00:01:58,569 --> 00:02:00,103
(phone ringing)

55
00:02:00,938 --> 00:02:02,071
Kyle, what're...

56
00:02:02,139 --> 00:02:04,440
Hey, oh man it was such
a long night last night.

57
00:02:04,508 --> 00:02:06,676
I must've dozed off
for a second.

58
00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,778
Um, I'm gonna go to the van,
if you guys need anything.

59
00:02:08,846 --> 00:02:11,814
You better not be going outside
to take that call.

60
00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,083
Okay because I made it
specifically clear in my e-mail

61
00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:15,785
That we've been dinged
for the last time

62
00:02:15,853 --> 00:02:17,620
On the comment cards
about cell phone use.

63
00:02:17,688 --> 00:02:19,288
No, I was actually
gonna go out

64
00:02:19,423 --> 00:02:22,125
And see if I could find
a garden gnome for you to fuck.

65
00:02:22,192 --> 00:02:23,593
Get it?
Cuz a gnome'd be like,

66
00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:26,729
"ah Ron, you're drowning me
in jizz..."

67
00:02:27,431 --> 00:02:28,631
That's pretty funny.

68
00:02:28,699 --> 00:02:30,366
Hey, Henry, here's
a riddle for you...

69
00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:31,968
How many rons would it take
to make a bukkake film?

70
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,504
Oh you know what,
that's enough.

71
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,872
Both of you, outside okay?

72
00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:37,740
That's it,
and that's one for you pal.

73
00:02:37,808 --> 00:02:40,243
(Roman)
corn chips, bean dip.

74
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,344
Chili dogs.

75
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,545
Jell-o shots.

76
00:02:42,613 --> 00:02:44,313
Is this a white trash
theme party

77
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,082
Or are we in arkansas?

78
00:02:46,150 --> 00:02:47,817
Don't be a snob, Roman.

79
00:02:47,885 --> 00:02:49,352
Don't swim, fish.

80
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,187
I have nothing
against simple folk.

81
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:52,555
This is just need-to-know
information.

82
00:02:52,623 --> 00:02:56,125
Am I supposed to enjoy
the irony or pity the sincerity.

83
00:02:56,193 --> 00:02:57,593
Well it's making me
homesick.

84
00:02:57,661 --> 00:02:59,862
This is what a party
back home looked like.

85
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,998
With food people
actually enjoy.

86
00:03:02,066 --> 00:03:03,733
You don't think I have
to bite my tongue

87
00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:05,268
Every time I carry a tray

88
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:08,237
With Santa Barbara
grilled eel beaks

89
00:03:08,305 --> 00:03:10,606
In a baby pinecone sauce...

90
00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:12,075
All right,
listen up people.

91
00:03:12,142 --> 00:03:13,142
Hand over your
cell phones.

92
00:03:13,210 --> 00:03:14,644
I tried to be nice,

93
00:03:14,711 --> 00:03:18,047
But it clearly isn't effective
management strategy.

94
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:19,649
So I'll hand them over
after the event.

95
00:03:19,716 --> 00:03:20,850
Chop suey, let's go.

96
00:03:20,918 --> 00:03:22,185
Ron you can have my phone
when you pry it

97
00:03:22,252 --> 00:03:24,187
From my cold
dead fingers.

98
00:03:24,254 --> 00:03:25,688
Yeah Ron, why don't
we just have everyone

99
00:03:25,756 --> 00:03:27,457
Promise not
to use them so much?

100
00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:29,725
He... okay, as long

101
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:30,793
As I get everybody's word.

102
00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:32,161
Okay because
today could be

103
00:03:32,229 --> 00:03:33,362
A really big day for us.

104
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,431
We could be
on national television.

105
00:03:35,499 --> 00:03:36,632
What?

106
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:37,600
Oh that's awesome.

107
00:03:37,668 --> 00:03:38,935
Explain that.

108
00:03:39,002 --> 00:03:40,837
Uh, this is the home
of Cole Landry

109
00:03:40,904 --> 00:03:42,405
And it's draft day,

110
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,307
When all his dreams
come true.

111
00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:47,176
Wait, what dude's dream
is to get sent to Afghanistan?

112
00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:49,445
Cole Landry?

113
00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:52,014
Holds every pac
10 passing record.

114
00:03:52,683 --> 00:03:54,283
He's a quarterback.

115
00:03:55,219 --> 00:03:56,586
In football.

116
00:03:57,855 --> 00:04:00,389
They get drafted,
and then play professionally.

117
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:05,094
Do any of you even
live in America?

118
00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:08,264
Am I the only one here
who's ever been in a champs?

119
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,600
Good gravy!

120
00:04:12,736 --> 00:04:14,003
All right,
so here's the deal.

121
00:04:14,071 --> 00:04:17,607
Cole's family and his
teammates will be here,

122
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,275
Okay, there's going to be
a tv film crew providing

123
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,777
"live feed" for the minute
he gets picked,

124
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:22,778
Okay, so...

125
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,313
Let's leave
a good impression.

126
00:04:24,381 --> 00:04:26,449
Yes, Kyle.

127
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:29,318
Oh great, a house full
of neck-less mutants.

128
00:04:29,386 --> 00:04:31,587
Uh-oh, high school
flashbacks?

129
00:04:31,655 --> 00:04:32,755
Are these the guys
who gave you wedgies?

130
00:04:32,823 --> 00:04:33,789
No.
Swirlies?

131
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,691
Fuck off.
Noogies?

132
00:04:35,792 --> 00:04:36,692
Pantsed?

133
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,960
Fart-faced?

134
00:04:40,230 --> 00:04:43,032
No, I don't fear these morons,
I pity them.

135
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,534
I mean in the real world,

136
00:04:44,668 --> 00:04:46,636
The only thing thirty-six
inch thighs gets you

137
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:50,072
Is specially made gym teacher
shorts and 30 grand a year-

138
00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:51,841
And really hot chicks-

139
00:04:51,942 --> 00:04:53,609
Uh no, Casey when
you're looking to mate,

140
00:04:53,677 --> 00:04:55,511
Are you looking for
a giant, bulging idiot

141
00:04:55,579 --> 00:04:56,913
Or someone with some
intelligence?

142
00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,881
Giant bulging idiot.
Boom.

143
00:04:58,949 --> 00:05:00,416
Right so you want a guy
that's gonna keel over

144
00:05:00,484 --> 00:05:02,251
And crush you from
a heart attack at 50

145
00:05:02,319 --> 00:05:03,252
From eating
all this shit.

146
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,987
I do, I wanna be
crushed beneath him,

147
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,489
My huge, fat husband.

148
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:07,690
'course you want that

149
00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:09,825
'cause you're dating
a whopping 90 pounder.

150
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,027
Hey.

151
00:05:11,862 --> 00:05:13,696
You are a runty little puppy.

152
00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:15,364
Thanks.

153
00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:19,135
Ow, dammit.

154
00:05:20,170 --> 00:05:21,537
Let me help you
with that, sir.

155
00:05:21,605 --> 00:05:23,573
Oh this damn hand.

156
00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:26,542
You should see
the table saw though.

157
00:05:27,945 --> 00:05:29,779
Good one.

158
00:05:29,846 --> 00:05:32,048
Okay what you wanna do
is line it up-

159
00:05:33,951 --> 00:05:36,018
That's the sexiest thing
I've ever seen.

160
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,888
Hey now, don't you go
and speak too soon.

161
00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,961
Okay, I stand corrected there.

162
00:05:45,696 --> 00:05:46,696
Hi I'm Bill.

163
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:47,630
I'm Lydia.

164
00:05:47,698 --> 00:05:49,031
Well, oh...

165
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:50,800
Hey dad!

166
00:05:50,867 --> 00:05:53,302
Which one of these
should I wear on tv?

167
00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:56,906
Man, I...
Rianna would know.

168
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:58,608
She's gone, dad.

169
00:05:58,675 --> 00:05:59,609
You need to move on.

170
00:05:59,676 --> 00:06:00,710
We talked about this.

171
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,144
Hey, now!

172
00:06:02,212 --> 00:06:04,080
Who wants to be
a millionaire!?

173
00:06:04,147 --> 00:06:05,014
There's my favorite agent!

174
00:06:05,082 --> 00:06:06,349
All right, ce.

175
00:06:06,416 --> 00:06:07,950
Say it loud,
and say it proud.

176
00:06:08,018 --> 00:06:09,919
"I wanna play
in sunny tampa bay."

177
00:06:09,987 --> 00:06:11,020
Tampa bay!

178
00:06:11,088 --> 00:06:13,322
Yeah, let's do this!
Come on.

179
00:06:13,390 --> 00:06:15,524
(sportscaster) but I have to
say, there is not a lot of drama

180
00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:16,959
In the fourth pick.

181
00:06:17,027 --> 00:06:18,461
Tampa bay needs
a quarterback,

182
00:06:18,528 --> 00:06:20,529
And there's no signal
caller higher

183
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,231
On the draft board
than Cole Landry.

184
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,667
In Landry, you get not just
a starting quarterback,

185
00:06:24,735 --> 00:06:26,269
They get the face
of the franchise too.

186
00:06:26,336 --> 00:06:29,005
All right, when Cole is picked,
we're cutting in live.

187
00:06:29,072 --> 00:06:30,640
Hey.
Hey.

188
00:06:30,707 --> 00:06:33,009
Row of jaeger shots
please, barkeep.

189
00:06:33,076 --> 00:06:34,977
So I think
I totally get it now.

190
00:06:35,045 --> 00:06:36,545
Finally you get it.

191
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,147
What, what do you get?

192
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:39,882
Your big apatow movie premiere.

193
00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:41,751
Uh-huh.
Coming up.

194
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,286
There're gonna be a
lot of heavy hitters there-

195
00:06:43,353 --> 00:06:44,820
Yeah, I'll say.

196
00:06:44,888 --> 00:06:46,155
A who's who
of the comedy world,

197
00:06:46,223 --> 00:06:47,323
Uh-huh.

198
00:06:47,391 --> 00:06:48,824
And you're gonna be
mingling with them.

199
00:06:48,892 --> 00:06:51,661
I might do a little
mingling, sure.

200
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:52,928
Sure.
Okay.

201
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:53,929
So good,
you get it then.

202
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:55,064
I totally get it.

203
00:06:55,132 --> 00:06:56,532
Well I do not get it,
even a little bit.

204
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,200
What are we talking about?

205
00:06:58,268 --> 00:07:01,237
I mean, I get why
I'm not your plus-one.

206
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,340
I see.

207
00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:05,808
Uh-huh.
I see.

208
00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:07,310
See if I had
the opportunity

209
00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:09,745
To really get in there
and do some networking,

210
00:07:09,813 --> 00:07:11,514
I probably wouldn't
want to bring

211
00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:13,115
With a cautionary tale
on my arm either.

212
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,518
Man well,
this is a huge relief for me.

213
00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:17,219
Oh good, good.

214
00:07:17,287 --> 00:07:20,456
'cause honestly, I've rehearsed
the you-embarrass-me speech

215
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,859
Like a hundred times
in my head probably,

216
00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:25,594
But I don't even need to do it,
'cause you get it.

217
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:26,629
I get it.

218
00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,064
That's what makes
you such a cool guy.

219
00:07:28,131 --> 00:07:30,900
Thanks. I mean not
arm-candy cool obviously,

220
00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:32,768
But fuck buddy cool.

221
00:07:32,836 --> 00:07:33,969
Okay.

222
00:07:35,739 --> 00:07:37,640
Nobody puts baby
in a corner.

223
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:41,010
Yeah, buddy.

224
00:07:41,078 --> 00:07:42,011
I been there.

225
00:07:42,079 --> 00:07:43,312
Been where?

226
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,680
There.

227
00:07:44,748 --> 00:07:46,682
That place where
the person you wanna be with

228
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:49,418
Night and day only
wants to be with you

229
00:07:49,486 --> 00:07:51,053
When there's
no one else around.

230
00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:54,023
All right yeah, well
that's not our situation-

231
00:07:55,092 --> 00:07:56,459
Don't fool yourself,
brother.

232
00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:58,761
(groans)

233
00:07:58,829 --> 00:08:00,896
So tampa passes
on Cole Landry.

234
00:08:00,964 --> 00:08:02,031
Are you surprised?

235
00:08:02,099 --> 00:08:03,299
(draft expert)
I'm shocked.

236
00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:04,200
I mean what do you think
is going through

237
00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:05,468
Landry's head right now?

238
00:08:05,535 --> 00:08:07,303
He probably falls
to philly at eight

239
00:08:07,371 --> 00:08:10,039
And ten million dollars
flies out the window.

240
00:08:23,954 --> 00:08:25,454
Ron.
Hey.

241
00:08:25,522 --> 00:08:28,290
Okay so my band got a slot
on an industry showcase tonight.

242
00:08:28,358 --> 00:08:29,425
Oh!
Yeah.

243
00:08:29,493 --> 00:08:30,593
So is it cool
if I just like leave

244
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:31,660
A little bit early
or whatever?

245
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:32,962
Oh, shoot.

246
00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:34,029
Not chance to get back up.

247
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,164
You should've
asked me earlier.

248
00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:36,265
I didn't know earlier.

249
00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:37,266
Oh really?

250
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:38,801
How'd you find out then?

251
00:08:40,537 --> 00:08:42,104
Carrier pigeon, Ron.

252
00:08:42,172 --> 00:08:44,540
Yeah, yeah a carrier pigeon
landed in the back yard.

253
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:45,775
You know, with the little
note on his foot

254
00:08:45,842 --> 00:08:47,510
With all the information.

255
00:08:47,577 --> 00:08:48,778
It was great,
can you believe he found me?

256
00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:49,979
Wow, no you were
on the phone!

257
00:08:50,046 --> 00:08:51,313
I saw it, so...

258
00:08:51,381 --> 00:08:52,581
Okay, yeah I was
on the phone.

259
00:08:52,649 --> 00:08:54,417
Right so sorry, Kyle,
only employees

260
00:08:54,484 --> 00:08:55,818
Who follow the rules
get rewarded.

261
00:08:55,886 --> 00:08:56,819
What?

262
00:08:56,887 --> 00:08:58,053
You heard me.

263
00:08:59,523 --> 00:09:00,923
What the fuck?

264
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,727
Yeah I put
everything into this.

265
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,496
I turned down work
so I could coach my son.

266
00:09:07,564 --> 00:09:08,597
And you know what?

267
00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:10,533
Cole's mother
never understood it,

268
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,068
She... she wanted
a bigger house.

269
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,336
Come on.

270
00:09:14,404 --> 00:09:17,006
She called me a piss-poor
provider and walked out.

271
00:09:17,073 --> 00:09:18,674
Oh you poor guy.

272
00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:19,842
Eh.

273
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:23,679
So Cole's mom,
that's Rianna?

274
00:09:23,747 --> 00:09:25,881
No, no, no Rianna
is my ex- girlfriend.

275
00:09:25,949 --> 00:09:26,882
Oh.

276
00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:28,284
She was just bad news.

277
00:09:28,351 --> 00:09:30,786
Big spoiled brat.

278
00:09:30,854 --> 00:09:33,589
She was too young
and pretty for me, anyway.

279
00:09:35,525 --> 00:09:36,792
Fuck.

280
00:09:37,761 --> 00:09:40,396
Man, Ron is being
such a dick, again.

281
00:09:40,464 --> 00:09:41,697
Oh next you're gonna
tell me there are bears

282
00:09:41,765 --> 00:09:43,165
Defecating
in the woods.

283
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:44,233
No check this out,

284
00:09:44,301 --> 00:09:45,901
My band just got a
last-minute industry slot

285
00:09:45,969 --> 00:09:46,936
At the rainbow room,

286
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:47,937
And he won't let me leave

287
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:48,938
Like just a little bit
early to make it.

288
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,673
Oh, no!
This was the big night

289
00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:51,941
You guys were gonna
get your record deal!

290
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,075
Yeah, maybe.

291
00:09:53,143 --> 00:09:55,744
Fuck, do they
super-glue this bitch on?

292
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,380
Let me help you with that,
little buddy.

293
00:09:58,448 --> 00:10:00,049
It's not easy.

294
00:10:01,585 --> 00:10:03,018
Whoa, looks like he really
struggled with that,

295
00:10:03,086 --> 00:10:04,119
Little buddy.

296
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,021
Well I loosened it,
you dick.

297
00:10:06,089 --> 00:10:07,590
Hey we all have
our talents, right?

298
00:10:07,657 --> 00:10:08,591
I guess.

299
00:10:08,658 --> 00:10:09,725
Yeah, while you were busy

300
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:13,596
Opening jars and pushing
a blocking sled around,

301
00:10:13,663 --> 00:10:15,531
I was reading literature.

302
00:10:15,599 --> 00:10:17,299
Ah, a man of letters!

303
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:18,634
I'm a bit of a
book buff myself.

304
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:19,635
Who are you into?

305
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:20,636
Heinlein.

306
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:21,804
Asimov.

307
00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:22,705
Clarke, you probably
haven't heard of them.

308
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:24,106
Sci-fi man.

309
00:10:24,174 --> 00:10:25,107
No, I love heinlein.

310
00:10:25,175 --> 00:10:27,243
Stranger in a strange land.

311
00:10:27,310 --> 00:10:28,677
What about bradbury?

312
00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:30,546
I'm a little lukewarm
on fahrenheit 451,

313
00:10:30,614 --> 00:10:32,548
But martian chronicles,
come on?

314
00:10:32,616 --> 00:10:34,083
Are the best!

315
00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:37,253
I haven't gotten to it yet-

316
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,188
I'm busy,
I'm really busy though.

317
00:10:39,256 --> 00:10:40,956
Yeah, not really
a big asimov guy;

318
00:10:41,024 --> 00:10:43,659
I mean, I'll give him
the three laws of robotics but,

319
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,160
He's mid-list.

320
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,930
Which is ironic,
because I love the russians.

321
00:10:47,998 --> 00:10:49,131
Dostoevsky.

322
00:10:49,199 --> 00:10:50,132
Gogol.

323
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,133
Checkov-

324
00:10:51,201 --> 00:10:52,835
Oh Roman's super into checkov.

325
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,103
Yeah and sulu-

326
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:55,337
Moron.

327
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,006
And that's not irony.

328
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,340
Lot of people
make that mistake...

329
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,409
You, alanis morissette...

330
00:11:00,477 --> 00:11:04,280
You say "ironic" when
you really mean happenstance.

331
00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:05,347
For instance-
thanks.

332
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,882
I could really use
a lesson on irony.

333
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:09,151
Perfect, here you go.

334
00:11:09,219 --> 00:11:11,587
Irony is when
you say one thing,

335
00:11:11,655 --> 00:11:13,756
But you mean
the opposite.

336
00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:15,324
For example-

337
00:11:15,392 --> 00:11:17,493
I could stand here all night
and soak up this knowledge.

338
00:11:17,561 --> 00:11:19,128
You interrupted me.

339
00:11:19,195 --> 00:11:20,796
I was in the middle
of telling you what irony is.

340
00:11:20,864 --> 00:11:24,333
And then if...
oh okay, I gotcha.

341
00:11:24,401 --> 00:11:25,334
What just happened?

342
00:11:25,402 --> 00:11:26,602
Very good.

343
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:29,939
You must be the only
football-playing lit major ever.

344
00:11:30,006 --> 00:11:30,806
No.

345
00:11:30,874 --> 00:11:31,807
I'm pre-med.

346
00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:33,409
You're pre-med?

347
00:11:33,476 --> 00:11:34,843
Yeah.

348
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,114
I don't like
the term "stage mom."

349
00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:40,849
Escapade is my teammate.

350
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:43,018
Yeah people used to
yell at me all the time.

351
00:11:43,086 --> 00:11:46,589
"Bill, let the kid
have a childhood."

352
00:11:46,656 --> 00:11:50,593
"no five-year-old needs to run
tire drills in July."

353
00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:52,061
No seven-year-old needs

354
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:54,530
To have permanent
eye-liner tattooed on, either.

355
00:11:54,598 --> 00:11:55,898
That doesn't mean
it's a bad idea.

356
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,566
Exactly, exactly.

357
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,001
Oh hey, time out,
come on.

358
00:11:59,069 --> 00:12:00,436
Hey, hey it's philly's pick.

359
00:12:00,503 --> 00:12:01,837
(sportscaster)
with the eighth pick,

360
00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:04,573
Philadelphia selects
offensive lineman jake kupp

361
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:05,975
Out of washington.

362
00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:08,377
We turn our attention now
to a star of detroit

363
00:12:08,445 --> 00:12:10,613
And for them defense
is the name of the game.

364
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,615
Here's how
it's really gonna go phil.

365
00:12:12,682 --> 00:12:14,216
Vodka.

366
00:12:14,284 --> 00:12:16,051
He's gonna play you
twice a year in division,

367
00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:17,286
He's gonna whip
your sorry ass,

368
00:12:17,354 --> 00:12:18,887
And then when they
carve your tombstone,

369
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,522
It's gonnna read
"here lies the dumbfuck

370
00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:24,293
Who passed on hall-of-fame
quarterback Cole Landry..."

371
00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:27,029
Could you please tell my wife
if she loved me,

372
00:12:27,097 --> 00:12:29,398
She wouldn't call me
on this day.

373
00:12:29,466 --> 00:12:31,533
He's gonna pop out your eyeball
and skull fuck you, phil.

374
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:33,602
How about that?

375
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,804
No, no sweetie, get your daddy
on the phone, no...

376
00:12:35,872 --> 00:12:36,839
Excuse me, sorry.

377
00:12:36,906 --> 00:12:38,907
A hamster bit
one of your kids

378
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:39,908
And your wife wants
to know if she should

379
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:40,909
Bring him
to the hospital.

380
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:41,910
Which one?

381
00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,245
Which one,
he wants...

382
00:12:43,313 --> 00:12:44,246
Fuddrucker.

383
00:12:44,314 --> 00:12:45,881
Jesus fuck...which kid?

384
00:12:45,949 --> 00:12:47,149
Hold on.

385
00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:49,885
Honey, I love you but fuck you
for calling on draft day.

386
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:51,854
Hi.

387
00:12:51,921 --> 00:12:53,589
Refill?

388
00:12:53,657 --> 00:12:55,024
Why the fuck not?

389
00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:58,794
All right,
here's something I don't get.

390
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,731
You are like this big
college football player, right?

391
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:05,067
So what girl wouldn't want
to be seen with you?

392
00:13:05,135 --> 00:13:06,402
How would
your parents react

393
00:13:06,469 --> 00:13:08,470
If they found out you were
sport fucking a large black man?

394
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,606
They'd say it
explains a lot.

395
00:13:12,809 --> 00:13:15,511
Look all I am is some
sort of sexual carnival ride,

396
00:13:15,578 --> 00:13:16,645
You know?

397
00:13:17,814 --> 00:13:19,381
So, you and your lady...

398
00:13:19,449 --> 00:13:21,150
I saw how
she's icing you out.

399
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:23,919
Do you love her?

400
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,824
The... what?

401
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:31,894
Hey buddy.

402
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,162
You gotta moment?

403
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,396
Ah, yes of course.

404
00:13:34,464 --> 00:13:36,131
What can help you with?

405
00:13:36,199 --> 00:13:38,434
Um actually,
I just started residency,

406
00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:39,501
Wonderful.

407
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,569
And I was talking
to your friend over there

408
00:13:40,637 --> 00:13:43,305
About your health concerns,

409
00:13:43,373 --> 00:13:44,573
And it reminded me
of this patient-

410
00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:45,908
Wait a minute.

411
00:13:45,975 --> 00:13:47,176
What friend?

412
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,844
Oh uh, that guy.

413
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:51,313
Oh, Henry.

414
00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:54,049
So he told you about
the amount of my...

415
00:13:54,117 --> 00:13:55,017
Ejaculate.

416
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,218
Yes.
Yes.

417
00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:58,087
And it reminded me of this
patient who came in,

418
00:13:58,154 --> 00:14:01,623
And said that he was producing
limited reproductive material.

419
00:14:01,691 --> 00:14:03,125
We brought him
in the office,

420
00:14:03,193 --> 00:14:04,426
Took down his pants
for an exam,

421
00:14:04,494 --> 00:14:07,830
And he had testicles
the size of christmas hams.

422
00:14:07,897 --> 00:14:09,565
Christmas hams?

423
00:14:09,632 --> 00:14:13,202
My concern is you're presenting
acute bacterial prostatitis:

424
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,404
It's an infection
of the prostate

425
00:14:15,472 --> 00:14:16,772
That causes inflammation

426
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,141
And can lead to cystitis,

427
00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:21,443
And in some instances,
prostate cancer.

428
00:14:22,679 --> 00:14:24,980
Ball cancer.

429
00:14:25,048 --> 00:14:26,682
Prostate cancer.

430
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,484
Right, which is
the medical term for balls?

431
00:14:28,551 --> 00:14:29,585
Like in latin?

432
00:14:29,652 --> 00:14:31,253
Different gland entirely.

433
00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:33,789
But what I suggestou do
is when you go home,

434
00:14:33,857 --> 00:14:35,390
Have a good night's rest,

435
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,892
Shave your testicular area,

436
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,161
Call your physician
first thing

437
00:14:39,229 --> 00:14:40,496
And tell him
that you urgently

438
00:14:40,563 --> 00:14:42,865
Need your balls
pulled and palpated.

439
00:14:42,932 --> 00:14:44,500
Pulled and palpated-

440
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:45,534
I don't know
what that means.

441
00:14:45,602 --> 00:14:47,236
It's technical procedure,
he'll know.

442
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,771
But go.

443
00:14:48,838 --> 00:14:50,405
'cause my concern is that this
could lead to something

444
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,174
Deadly serious.

445
00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:54,042
Thank you.

446
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,744
No problem.

447
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:58,680
Oh um, I'm sorry, sorry.

448
00:15:00,183 --> 00:15:01,450
When you said
your patient produced

449
00:15:01,518 --> 00:15:03,352
"limited reproductive
material."

450
00:15:03,419 --> 00:15:04,820
So, how much is limited?

451
00:15:05,855 --> 00:15:06,922
Ball park?

452
00:15:08,258 --> 00:15:10,225
So the big mystery
of the day

453
00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:13,729
Is why Cole Landry
continues to slide.

454
00:15:13,797 --> 00:15:15,197
I've just spoken
to someone high up

455
00:15:15,265 --> 00:15:17,766
In one of the organizations
that passed on Landry,

456
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,402
And they have confirmed
that this is the reason

457
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:21,870
They chose not to draft him.

458
00:15:21,938 --> 00:15:23,806
What we're hearing
is that many organizations

459
00:15:23,873 --> 00:15:27,376
Have become convinced
that Cole Landry is gay.

460
00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:29,178
That's fucking bullshit!

461
00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:31,647
Oh my God, what the fuck
kind of reporting is this?

462
00:15:31,714 --> 00:15:33,115
My source tells me that
if it was any other position,

463
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:34,483
They wouldn't care.

464
00:15:34,551 --> 00:15:37,052
But we're talking about
the face of the franchise.

465
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,887
Fucking shit.

466
00:15:38,955 --> 00:15:40,022
You know me.

467
00:15:40,089 --> 00:15:41,390
I get so much pussy,
it's not even funny.

468
00:15:41,457 --> 00:15:42,524
Not even a joke.

469
00:15:42,592 --> 00:15:44,359
You're the king of pussy,
I know okay!

470
00:15:44,427 --> 00:15:46,762
This is fucking
rosenhaus okay?

471
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:48,664
He wanted his kid to be
the first qb drafted

472
00:15:48,731 --> 00:15:49,832
You know what,

473
00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:51,767
That gel-haired scum-fucker
is fucking us.

474
00:15:51,835 --> 00:15:53,502
Maybe we should've gone
with rosenhaus, Cole.

475
00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:54,770
We're family.

476
00:15:55,905 --> 00:15:57,506
Ask the booster girls
how gay I am.

477
00:15:57,574 --> 00:15:59,775
Hey, hey gentlemen,
gentlemen, gentlemen!

478
00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:01,844
Hey time out!

479
00:16:01,911 --> 00:16:02,878
Pull yourselves together!

480
00:16:02,946 --> 00:16:04,012
Cole, you're a quarterback.

481
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,080
Show some poise.

482
00:16:05,148 --> 00:16:06,448
Now you listen to me.

483
00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:08,417
Every round we're losing
a half million dollars.

484
00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:10,719
So let's stop talking about
how much pussy we're getting

485
00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:12,387
Of course
you're getting a lot of pus,

486
00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:14,957
Let's get our shit together
and come up with a plan!

487
00:16:16,459 --> 00:16:19,862
Well, the celebration has
officially turned into a wake.

488
00:16:19,929 --> 00:16:21,296
Hey, so how come you're not
taking your boy here

489
00:16:21,364 --> 00:16:22,931
To your big movie premiere?

490
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:25,734
Cuz he ain't
pretty enough?

491
00:16:25,802 --> 00:16:26,935
Cuz he ain't tall?

492
00:16:28,037 --> 00:16:29,538
Cuz he's workin'
some shit job, is that it?

493
00:16:29,606 --> 00:16:32,407
Wow, that is an
impressive list of reasons.

494
00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:34,543
He has feelings
for you, girl.

495
00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:36,378
Deep feelings.

496
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,481
Maybe he's not
sure it's love,

497
00:16:39,549 --> 00:16:41,283
But his shit runs deep.

498
00:16:41,351 --> 00:16:43,051
Uh well Jerome, Casey.

499
00:16:43,119 --> 00:16:44,653
Casey, Jerome.

500
00:16:44,721 --> 00:16:45,754
Is that true Henry?

501
00:16:45,822 --> 00:16:47,189
Does your shit run deep?

502
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,992
Well isn't it enough to know
that my shit runs at all?

503
00:16:51,294 --> 00:16:53,629
Well Jerome, I am not
taking Henry to my premiere

504
00:16:53,696 --> 00:16:55,163
Because I'm taking my mother.

505
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:57,165
But you don't even
like your mother.

506
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:58,600
I know that I don't
like my mother,

507
00:16:58,668 --> 00:17:01,036
But she always refers
to my career

508
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,005
As "that little
thing that you do"

509
00:17:03,072 --> 00:17:05,007
So this is like
my only chance

510
00:17:05,074 --> 00:17:08,677
To rub her nose in whatever
tiny bit of success I have.

511
00:17:08,745 --> 00:17:10,445
So why you not taking Henry
to your comedy shows?

512
00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:11,446
Oh jesus dude.

513
00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:12,781
Wow, that was...

514
00:17:12,849 --> 00:17:15,183
Okay uh, I don't take Henry
to my comedy shows

515
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:18,987
Because I do a skit
where I get kind of friendly

516
00:17:19,055 --> 00:17:23,425
With another guy, and Henry
gets kinda jealous sometimes.

517
00:17:23,493 --> 00:17:25,427
Well come on, I mean,
I know the difference between

518
00:17:25,495 --> 00:17:27,696
Stage kissing
and real life.

519
00:17:27,764 --> 00:17:28,764
I mean I was an actor.

520
00:17:28,831 --> 00:17:30,966
Actually I play
an animatronic love doll

521
00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:33,535
And the audience has to
like shout out suggestions

522
00:17:33,603 --> 00:17:36,939
For my quadriplegic inventor
to order me to do.

523
00:17:37,006 --> 00:17:38,240
Well...

524
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,474
You all right?

525
00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:40,809
You look a little
bothered by that.

526
00:17:40,877 --> 00:17:42,010
Not at all.

527
00:17:42,078 --> 00:17:44,179
I mean maybe
by the logic I'm bothered.

528
00:17:44,247 --> 00:17:46,014
I mean,
how did he build you?

529
00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:47,616
I mean obviously
not your inventor

530
00:17:47,684 --> 00:17:48,517
'cause he's quadriplegic

531
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:49,584
And don't say
by another robot

532
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:50,419
'cause that's ridiculous.

533
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,486
Yeah, not bothered at all.

534
00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:52,988
See, he's fine with it.

535
00:17:53,056 --> 00:17:54,289
I am... I mean I get it,
'cause it's a job

536
00:17:54,357 --> 00:17:55,290
So I understand.

537
00:17:55,358 --> 00:17:57,392
Casey, Casey,
exciting opportunity.

538
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,528
They're just about
to cut to a live feed

539
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:02,998
From right here in this
living room in like ten minutes.

540
00:18:03,066 --> 00:18:04,766
Now, with that information,

541
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,002
And knowing how much
the camera loves you,

542
00:18:07,070 --> 00:18:11,006
How would you feel
about snuggling up

543
00:18:11,074 --> 00:18:13,942
To cwle Landry
and pretending

544
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,310
That you're
his girlfriend?

545
00:18:16,412 --> 00:18:19,014
I would feel like
an idiot, probably.

546
00:18:19,082 --> 00:18:22,217
Would you feel like an idiot
for 500 schmackers.

547
00:18:22,285 --> 00:18:24,486
Oh, well then I would
feel like a whore.

548
00:18:24,554 --> 00:18:25,854
Hey, language Casey.

549
00:18:25,922 --> 00:18:26,922
You're a girl.

550
00:18:26,990 --> 00:18:29,458
Now listen to me,
Cole Landry is losing

551
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,826
Half million dollars

552
00:18:30,893 --> 00:18:32,127
With every pick
of the draft

553
00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:35,030
And all because
of some horrible rumor.

554
00:18:35,098 --> 00:18:37,366
Could you find it in your heart
to help this kid out?

555
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:38,433
So that's a job.

556
00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:39,568
That's income.
Yes.

557
00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:41,803
Henry, how would
you feel about that?

558
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,005
If I get paid?
Yeah, that's great.

559
00:18:43,072 --> 00:18:44,373
Great?
Yeah, terrific.

560
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,308
Awesome. Hey let's get
you into a push up bra.

561
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,409
Okay.
Come on.

562
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:48,410
That's great?

563
00:18:48,478 --> 00:18:52,547
Come on man,
grow some balls please.

564
00:18:58,654 --> 00:19:01,323
Jesus, you light a match?

565
00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:03,625
Oh, oh!

566
00:19:03,693 --> 00:19:05,060
This could be good.

567
00:19:05,128 --> 00:19:07,095
Oh God,
who used to live here?

568
00:19:07,163 --> 00:19:08,096
Tanya tucker?

569
00:19:08,164 --> 00:19:10,098
Tanya tucker,
I wish.

570
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:12,567
No, Bill's ex Rianna.

571
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,338
Casey, you've got such
a darling little figure.

572
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:17,272
Why don't you show it off?

573
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:18,540
I do show it off,

574
00:19:18,608 --> 00:19:21,777
I wear pasties and tassels
like all the time

575
00:19:21,844 --> 00:19:22,711
When I'm not at work.

576
00:19:22,779 --> 00:19:23,979
He look, I found it.

577
00:19:24,047 --> 00:19:25,013
This is the winner!

578
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,014
Are you crazy?

579
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,816
Think of it as
an acting assignment.

580
00:19:27,884 --> 00:19:28,817
You're playing a bimbo.

581
00:19:28,885 --> 00:19:30,018
Oh, cha cha!

582
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,653
Yeah, bimbo
with a heart of gold.

583
00:19:31,721 --> 00:19:33,255
Dating the captain
of the football team.

584
00:19:33,322 --> 00:19:34,790
Okay, why are you doing this?

585
00:19:34,857 --> 00:19:36,858
Seriously, do you have a thing
for the kid's dad?

586
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,160
It's pretty obvious.

587
00:19:39,362 --> 00:19:41,596
Oh Casey, I think the dad
might have a thing for me.

588
00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:42,831
Uh-huh.

589
00:19:42,899 --> 00:19:45,333
And you know, the rest of it
will take care of itself.

590
00:19:46,636 --> 00:19:50,739
You tell me to express myself
and demand respect,

591
00:19:50,807 --> 00:19:55,077
When right here man,
with me watching you,

592
00:19:55,144 --> 00:19:57,212
You just roll over
when your woman-

593
00:19:58,514 --> 00:20:00,982
Well, look at her...

594
00:20:02,752 --> 00:20:04,052
Oh my God, you're right.

595
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,787
I am a pussy-

596
00:20:05,855 --> 00:20:07,656
No, no, no, no
you're cut off.

597
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:08,790
I mean whenever
anybody has success

598
00:20:08,858 --> 00:20:09,791
They always have
something to say...

599
00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:10,826
Excuse me.

600
00:20:10,893 --> 00:20:12,127
Can I talk to you
for one second?

601
00:20:12,195 --> 00:20:14,463
Yeah excuse me,
what can I do for you buddy?

602
00:20:15,765 --> 00:20:18,166
I was hoping maybe you could
take a look at this.

603
00:20:20,937 --> 00:20:22,771
What exactly
am I looking at here?

604
00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:24,973
(sportscaster) you've heard the
rumors, what is it you wanna say?

605
00:20:25,041 --> 00:20:26,541
I don't know who
laughed harder

606
00:20:26,609 --> 00:20:28,076
When I heard people
thought I was gay,

607
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,011
Me or my girlfriend, Casey.

608
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:35,016
Me, oh my God,
I get so mad at this guy,

609
00:20:35,084 --> 00:20:37,819
Because every time a pretty girl
walks by, he's like-

610
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,822
And just looks at her.

611
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:42,991
All the time,
I'm like what the f?

612
00:20:43,059 --> 00:20:45,293
Cody, you horn dog,
I'm right here.

613
00:20:45,361 --> 00:20:47,162
I'm sorry,
who's cody?

614
00:20:47,230 --> 00:20:49,164
(ziggy)
is this your sperm in my hand?

615
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:52,234
It's just a nickname.

616
00:20:52,301 --> 00:20:53,568
(ziggy)
did you just jack off?

617
00:20:54,804 --> 00:20:57,339
She thinks I throw
like cody carlson.

618
00:20:57,406 --> 00:20:58,340
Yeah, he does.

619
00:20:58,407 --> 00:20:59,608
You do.
I do.

620
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,310
Warren moon's backup
with the oilers in the 90s?

621
00:21:02,378 --> 00:21:05,580
Yeah. Yeah, that's the
guy I throw like, for sure.

622
00:21:05,648 --> 00:21:07,182
Yeah, look at the tape.

623
00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:08,450
She's quite a student
of the game.

624
00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:09,451
Yeah.

625
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:10,685
(ziggy)
I don't care!

626
00:21:10,753 --> 00:21:13,488
You just put your jizz
in my hand bro!

627
00:21:13,556 --> 00:21:14,956
Something going on there?

628
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:16,925
Ah well, it's a party.

629
00:21:16,993 --> 00:21:18,193
You know,
parties get rowdy-

630
00:21:18,261 --> 00:21:20,061
Yeah, party!

631
00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:22,898
(ziggy)
it's fuckin' jizz, is why!

632
00:21:22,965 --> 00:21:24,432
Cole, I'm wondering
if you can comment

633
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,501
On this photo
that's been circulating.

634
00:21:26,569 --> 00:21:28,837
It's now posted
on deadspin.

635
00:21:28,905 --> 00:21:32,908
It appears to show you outside
a west hollywood club called

636
00:21:32,975 --> 00:21:35,243
The manhole.

637
00:21:38,581 --> 00:21:39,681
(Jerome)
who's that, Cole?

638
00:21:40,082 --> 00:21:41,283
Who.

639
00:21:41,350 --> 00:21:42,250
The fuck.

640
00:21:42,318 --> 00:21:43,552
Is that!?

641
00:21:43,619 --> 00:21:46,721
That's the last straw,
motherfucker.

642
00:21:46,789 --> 00:21:50,025
This camel's back
is officially broken.

643
00:21:50,092 --> 00:21:51,760
What am I to you anyway,
your plaything?

644
00:21:51,827 --> 00:21:53,328
A piece of tissue
you can just use up

645
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:54,863
And throw away?

646
00:21:54,931 --> 00:21:56,331
Well fuck that!

647
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:58,333
Nobody puts baby in a corner!

648
00:22:01,971 --> 00:22:03,305
Jerome baby...

649
00:22:03,372 --> 00:22:05,173
No, no, no, no,
you're my chocolate drop!

650
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:06,474
(Rianna)
Billy?

651
00:22:08,511 --> 00:22:09,711
Rianna?

652
00:22:10,713 --> 00:22:12,314
I came as soon
as I heard the news.

653
00:22:12,381 --> 00:22:14,616
Oh, it's bad,
it's really bad.

654
00:22:14,684 --> 00:22:16,718
We're not entirely sure
what's happening here.

655
00:22:16,786 --> 00:22:18,220
Yo, bitch.

656
00:22:18,287 --> 00:22:20,622
Get the fuck
out of my clothes-

657
00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:23,024
You can't say fuck on tv.

658
00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:39,474
(newscaster) well the first
round has certainly given us

659
00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:41,443
A day of surprises,

660
00:22:41,510 --> 00:22:43,545
(draft expert) some dreams
have come true today.

661
00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:45,714
Some have crashed and burned.

662
00:22:48,884 --> 00:22:52,187
Hey um, I'm sorry
to put you through that.

663
00:22:52,255 --> 00:22:53,622
No, listen man.

664
00:22:53,723 --> 00:22:57,292
I wasn't the one who just
lost millions of dollars

665
00:22:57,393 --> 00:22:58,827
And my boyfriend,

666
00:22:58,894 --> 00:23:02,564
And got outted
on national tv, so...

667
00:23:02,632 --> 00:23:04,766
It's all good, really.

668
00:23:04,834 --> 00:23:05,800
Guess that was
the easiest

669
00:23:05,868 --> 00:23:07,302
Thousand bucks
you ever made, huh?

670
00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:09,771
Uh, a thousand dollars?

671
00:23:09,839 --> 00:23:11,273
Cole, Cole!

672
00:23:11,340 --> 00:23:13,074
I got fucking
san francisco here!

673
00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:14,276
They're about to pick you

674
00:23:14,343 --> 00:23:16,544
With the final pick
of the first round bro!

675
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,413
And I got the world's
largest ad agency.

676
00:23:18,481 --> 00:23:19,814
How'd you like
to be the new face

677
00:23:19,882 --> 00:23:21,816
Of fucking
abercrombie and fitch?

678
00:23:21,884 --> 00:23:22,817
You serious?

679
00:23:22,885 --> 00:23:24,686
Yeah!

680
00:23:24,754 --> 00:23:27,822
I'm gonna get so much ass!

681
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:33,495
So you had your fun, huh?

682
00:23:33,562 --> 00:23:35,830
Little bit of a laugh
at good ol' Ron's expense.

683
00:23:35,898 --> 00:23:39,000
I have no idea what
good ol' Ron's talking about.

684
00:23:39,068 --> 00:23:41,836
You told that doctor
about my problem.

685
00:23:41,904 --> 00:23:43,738
My wad problem.

686
00:23:43,806 --> 00:23:45,373
You're what problem?

687
00:23:45,441 --> 00:23:46,374
Ron I assure you,

688
00:23:46,442 --> 00:23:48,677
I spoke to no one
about your wad.

689
00:23:48,778 --> 00:23:51,413
Why would I talk
to anyone about your wad?

690
00:23:54,317 --> 00:23:55,884
Kyle!

691
00:23:55,951 --> 00:23:56,851
I'm going to kill him.

692
00:23:56,952 --> 00:23:57,786
Where is he?

693
00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:58,820
I sent him home early.

694
00:23:58,888 --> 00:24:00,689
His band had a gig.

695
00:24:00,756 --> 00:24:01,823
Henry, what the fuck?

696
00:24:01,891 --> 00:24:03,258
Who's in charge here?

697
00:24:03,326 --> 00:24:05,060
Yeah, who is
in charge here?

698
00:24:05,127 --> 00:24:07,429
'cause I'm trying to figure out
if an employee jerking off

699
00:24:07,496 --> 00:24:09,130
And handing out
semen samples

700
00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:12,200
Falls under "needs work"
or "completely unsatisfactory."

701
00:24:12,268 --> 00:24:13,468
Is there any way
I can convince you

702
00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:15,804
He was
"going the extra mile?"

703
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:16,771
This is Cole's house,

704
00:24:16,839 --> 00:24:18,173
Why does he have
the comment card?

705
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,041
'cause Cole is currently
busier than I.

706
00:24:20,109 --> 00:24:21,643
Don't you mean me?

707
00:24:21,711 --> 00:24:23,111
Cole is busier than me.

708
00:24:23,179 --> 00:24:24,179
Or was an away game the week

709
00:24:24,246 --> 00:24:25,947
Subject-verb
agreement was taught.

710
00:24:26,015 --> 00:24:26,948
Roman.

711
00:24:27,016 --> 00:24:28,216
Pretty sure it's I.

712
00:24:28,284 --> 00:24:29,951
Maybe that was
the week of ComiCon.

713
00:24:31,387 --> 00:24:33,021
Irony, I was being ironic!

714
00:24:33,089 --> 00:24:34,189
Henry.
What?

715
00:24:34,256 --> 00:24:35,890
I thought I had
testicular cancer.

716
00:24:35,958 --> 00:24:37,659
Oh, Jesus Christ!

717
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:44,000
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