Come on Miley, the sooner we get to Traci's party,
the sooner we can, you know, leave Traci's party.
If you hate her so much, why are you going?
[beeps]
Because her food is fantastic and I lined my purse with plastic.
That is so tacky.
And get me anything wrapped in bacon.
Ow! There's glitter in my eye, glitter in my eye!
Well, at least this time your wig isn't itching.
You had to go there!
Well, now you're not thinking about the glitter in your eye.
Ah!
[groaning]
- [crash] - Ow!
Hey, Dad, we're off to Traci's. See you in a little bit.
- Hey, bring me back... - Anything wrapped in bacon.
Got it.
So this is pretty much your Saturday night?
Heck no. After this,
I'm gonna write the account numbers on the rolls.
Edgar down at the bank appreciates my thoroughness.
Good for you.
Come on! I wanna get there before Lady Gaga
turns the dessert table into a hat.
Come on now, you gotta get in there.
[high-pitched] No, no, the other quarters hate me 'cause I'm shiny.
We have got to get my dad a girlfriend.
[Miley] Whoo!
Here we go, everybody!
♪ Come on ♪
♪ You get the limo out front ♪
♪ Oooh ♪
♪ Hottest styles Every shoe, every color ♪
♪ Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun ♪
♪ It's really you but no one ever discovers ♪
♪ Who would have thought that a girl like me ♪
♪ Would double as a superstar ♪
Whooo!
♪ You get the best of both worlds ♪
♪ Chill it out Take it slow ♪
♪ Then you rock out the show ♪
â™ª You get the best of both worlds â™ª
â™ª Mix it all together and you know â™ª
♪ That it's the best of both worlds ♪
Synced By YesCool wWw.Addic7ed.Com wWw.iSubs.Coil.us.To
Stupid dumb party. Big empty purse, wasted use of plastic.
Oh, will you stop muttering?
You drag me to Traci's dumb party,
and then make me leave before I can load up on cream puffs.
Huh? Empty. Empty.
Oh, I'm sorry. I think you meant to say,
"Gee, Miley, I'm really worried about your dad, too.
Maybe we should go home and hang out
with the sweet and desperately lonely man
that gives me my food and shelter."
Or something like that.
Yeah, OK.
But I'm a lot more compassionate after a cream puff!
Lilly!
- Uh, Dad? - Shh! For goodness sakes, this is important!
[woman on TV] And my last rose goes to...
Pick Michael, pick Michael, pick Michael!
- [woman] Michael. - Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Tell you what. I didn't like him at first,
but after he read that kitty cat poem,
I was Team Michael all the way.
Dad, you can't live like this.
When was the last time you had a date?
Oh, for Pete's sake, darlin'.
You don't have to worry about my love life.
Translation: a long time ago.
I'll tell you what. Ol' Robby Ray will date somebody
when he meets somebody he wants to date.
That's the way Robby Ray rolls.
Well, unless her name is Day Old Pizza,
I don't see it happening.
- [sighs] - What are you getting so freaked out about?
You heard the guy. He'll date someone when he's ready.
Yeah, but what if he never is?
Dangflammit!
Hold still, you little son of a pepperoni!
- Miley? - Sorry.
I'm not gonna let my dad end up alone.
[sighs] When you say "I," you mean "we," don't you?
Share the bedroom, share the life.
♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Hey, Mamaw, just called to see how you're doing.
You broke your leg skiing?
I'm sorry.
You know who doesn't have a broken leg?
The supermodel I'm dating.
That's right, I'm dating a supermodel!
- [doorbell rings] - Gotta go. Hope your arm's feeling better.
Yeah, yeah, leg, whatever.
OK, I want an answer and I want it right now!
How can a girl like... this
be with a guy like... this?
That's not fair. Anybody can look stupid
if you catch them at the wrong time.
Well...
It was a really cheesy pizza!
It was a really muggy day!
That is not me!
Now, I can see her going out with you once.
She lost a bet, pity date
or the whole "I'm trying to punish my parents" thing.
But three weeks?!
It makes no sense.
You're not good-looking, you're not smart
and you pick your nose behind the menu.
I do not!
I don't need to see the pictures!
So, what are you, the world's greatest kisser or something?
Well, yeah, that's me.
Mr. World's Greatest Kisser... Guy.
Well, OK. Thanks for coming by.
We should do this again real soon. Bye-bye.
You haven't kissed her yet!
[scoffs] Yes, I have.
No, you haven't! That's why she hasn't broken up with you.
This is a girl who's kissed football players, rock stars,
Australians! You know, real men.
And once she kisses you,
you can kiss her goodbye!
Finally, my world makes sense again.
No, no, no!
Hi, there. Are those for the bake sale?
Those look delish. My single daddy would love those.
- What's your recipe? - Wedding ring.
Move along.
Hi.
Those for the bake sale? They look delicious.
- Dating anyone special? - Why, yes, I am.
- My husband. - Would it kill you to wear a ring?
Are there no divorced mothers in this school?
It's California, for cryin' out loud.
Come on. We'll find somebody. Stop wigging out.
And the phantom wig itch returns.
Are there no good single men left in this city?
He had no manners, wasn't into music,
and when I complimented him on his hair,
he took it off to show me where he bought it.
I'll never get that sound of ripping Velcro out of my head.
[imitates ripping] Ew!
Well, Daddy did say bring him back
something from the bake sale.
No, Mother, I will not go out with your butcher
so you can get free meat.
Fifty percent off king crab?
No, Mom, no. I'm not gonna do it. I have my pride.
Mom, you know what? I gotta go.
There's a sick kid in my office. Listen. [fake coughing]
Hear that, Mom? Oh, so sorry. Gotta go. Bye.
- Is this a bad time? - [groans] No.
- My mom's just wiggin' out. - Again with that word.
I need to talk to you about something a little awkward
- and potentially embarrassing. - Miley, relax.
I'm a nurse. I've seen it all.
Uh, not that kind of awkward and embarrassing.
Miley, it's OK. You're not the first senior to get head lice.
- Um, I don't have head lice. - Let's hope not. Just sit still.
- But... - Miley!
Fine.
Well, I sure hope I don't have head lice,
because then my single and very attractive daddy
would have to come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure you'd be able to drive yourself home.
Yeah, you're right.
Besides, I bet he's really busy working on his music
and brushing his incredibly beautiful and real hair
or, you know, perhaps practicing opening doors
for a future girlfriend he hopes to have one day.
All right. Miley. What's going on?
Well, I kinda heard your conversation in the cafeteria,
- and my dad's single... - Oh! Whoa, whoa.
Hold it right there. That's very sweet of you,
but I'm through with fix-ups. From now on,
I will date someone when I meet someone I wanna date.
That's exactly what my dad said! You have got to meet him!
She won't meet him.
Well, I guess there is just nothing else we can do,
- she said hopefully. - She was wrong.
I know they'd like each other if I could just get them in the same room.
All right, but don't drag me into it.
- Fine. - [dials phone]
Hey, Dad, you gotta get down to the nurse's office.
Lilly's got the cold sweats and shakes.
What're you talking about? [gasps] No!
Sorry, involuntary muscle spasm.
Don't wanna have lunch with me, You know?
No, this one does not sound better than Velcro Head.
Mother, I'm not playing hard to get. First, he's 73.
And second, he's 73. I gotta go
- OK... Let's see. - [coughing]
Well, no fever and your sweats are gone.
Are you sure there's nothing else making you sick?
Maybe like your mother?
Maybe it was something I ate. Ooh!
Um, you know, I can feel those shakes coming back.
[stammering] Can I please get a blanket?
Hm... OK.
[gasping]
Here's your blanket.
Hm...
And your sweats are back, too.
And they smell like mango iced tea.
Must be one of those, uh, tropical viruses.
The nurse is busy. It's a stomachache. Man up!
- [retching] - Oh, no! Watch the boots, buddy!
- How's Lilly doing? - Not very good.
You should go talk to the nurse.
Wait, wait, wait.
Go talk to her.
Hi, I'm here for, uh...
- Uh... - Lilly Truscott.
Right, her.
Look at that. I'm just feeling so much...
See you later.
- Hi, I'm Lori. - I'm, uh...
- Robby! - Robby. That guy.
- [laughing] Hi. - Robby.
Prepare to be kissed
as you've never been kissed before.
I bet an Australian never kissed you like that before.
Blech! Yuck! Seriously?! Ugh!
No, wait, I can do better!
I'm... I'm...
Begging the piggy for a second chance?
[laughing hysterically]
[grunting]
[doorbell rings]
Siena! Hey!
Hey, hey. Um...
What are you doing here?
Well, it's just, we had such a good time the other night,
and you haven't called, so...
- Is everything OK? - OK? Everything's great.
In fact, I was just getting ready to call you.
So maybe you should go home, and I'll call you right now.
- [laughs]- Better hurry, os just gonna be a message.
Uh...
So who wants to watch TV?
I'm gonna make some popcorn.
You like popcorn, I like popcorn. I'll make some popcorn.
It's gonna give us something to do with our mouths.
It's not really my first choice, but OK.
Ooh!
Who's this? My competition?
[laughs] Who's the funny one now?
[music plays on TV]
I can't wait to see this. I've heard it's so romantic.
Well, alrighty then.
[laughs]
Ooh! I'm kinda chilly, aren't you?
- Now that you mention it, I am. - Yeah?
Thanks.
Ah! It's toasty.
Well, righty then.
Wow! The bass sounds great down here.
I feel so stupid. You just wan be friends,
and I'm throwing myself at you.
This is so embarrassing!
Siena, wait!
No, wait!
Wait, I do. I wanna...
I wanna be
more than just friends.
Then why won't you kiss me?
'Cause I'm not like the guys you usually go out with.
They're all...
[growls]
And I'm... eh...
They're all... Ho, ho!
And I'm... hey...
You're right.
You're not like the guys I date.
You are...
...way better.
- Whoa! - [crashing]
♪ La-di-da-da-da ♪
Again, you don't have enough for the big tiger, OK?
It's the dragon stickers, the eraser or the ice cube with the fly in it.
Thank you!
Oh, hey.
I thought you'd be spying on your dad and his date.
It's not like I'm 12 anymore.
Like I'm gonna follow them to some restaurant,
hide behind a potted plant, then get underneath a dessert cart
when I can't hear them anymore. Please!
- Did you get me a cream puff?e brÃÂ»lÃÂ©e and a chocolate mousse.
- Yeah! - The good thing is
they're having an awesome time and they didn't see me.
Yeah.
- Well, they're gonna see you now. - Yoinks!
- Whoo! - Hey, guys!
What are ya'll doing here? Oh, that's right.
You two kids are on a date.
I completely forgot, slipped my mind.
Yeah, we went to that really nice fish place down at the end of the pier.
You know the one. The one with the dessert carts
big enough for a girl to hide under.
Except her feet kind of poke out the back.
Nope, doesn't ring a bell.
Well, then, maybe this might jog your memory.
You owe me for a crÃÂ¨me brÃÂ»lÃÂ©e,
a chocolate mousse and a cream puff.
- Cream puff? You said... - I was hungry!
Miley, relax, we're having a good time.
- A great time. - A great time.
See, the old man's still got a little giddy-up in his git along.
I cannot believe you lied about the cream puff.
- Who cares about the cream puff? - Me!
Look, they're having a great time.
Do I have a gift of knowing when people are right for each other or what?
You never thought me and Oliver were right for each other.
- The jury's still out on that one. - I'm sorry, what?
Fine.
I give you permission to say one bad thing about Jake.
He looks like Ellen DeGeneres.
That is so... freakishly true.
Get that out of your head, Miley. Get that out of your head!
Think about your dad and how happy he is.
He's laughing, they're holding hands in line for a roller coaster!
Oh, my gosh!
- Why am I saying, "Oh, my gosh?" - Two years ago, Fourth of July.
Remember?
- I don't see it. Oh. - Right here.
[all] Whoo!
Oh, Lord! Ah!
[shouting]
Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!
If she hears that crazy coaster cackle,
she's gonna dump him quicker than I dump Jake
if I can't get that dang Ellen DeGeneres thing out of my head, thank you so much!
♪ Oh, oh Hey, yeah ♪
You know what I hate? People who scream on roller coasters.
I mean, it's not like you don't know what's gonna happen. You're up, down,
you're around, you're done. That's it.
So let's just not scream, OK? Sh!
I thought you said Miley was your normal kid.
- Sadly, that's true. - [laughs]
OK, here we go! Remember, it's cool to be quiet.
- Let's all try it. - Let's.
[screaming]
Get off, Mile!
Sorry, Dad! Giving you a hug from behind!
- Love you! - [muffled scream]
[screaming]
- Oh, Lord! - I changed my mind! Let's all scream!
[all screaming]
Whoo! That was so much fun! You know what?
That is the kind of fun you cannot duplicate, so let's make a pact right now
that we will not get on that roller coaster ever again
because that would only cheapen the fun we've shared.
Who's with me?
Put your hands in!
I can't hear anything you say, but I wanna ride it again!
Me, too! And without you this time.
- And without her this time! - No, no, no. You can't. Excuse us.
Why don't you save us a spot in line?
I'll go save us a spot in line!
Mile, what in the Sam Hill is going on with you, girl?
- I just don't want you to blow it. - What?
I've been trying hard to get your quarter rollin' rump out of the house,
and now your crazy coaster cackle is gonna blow it!
- Crazy coaster what? - Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord!
- [grunting] - Stop that. People are lookin' at you
like you're one apple shy of a fritter.
And that's exactly how Lori's gonna look at you
if you go on that coaster again.
I just don't want you to die alone, Dad!
Do you know something I don't?
Daddy, before you know it,
Jackson and I are gonna be out of the house
- and you're gonna be... - Just fine.
Mile, one of the hardest things a parent has to do
is watch their child go off on their own and trust that they'll be OK.
You're just gonna have to trust that I'll be OK, too.
- I know, Dad, but... - Hey, honey.
If your mama could accept me, cackle and all,
somebody else will, too.
Maybe it's Lori, maybe it's not.
I'm gonna have to get on that coaster and go find out.
And you're just gonna have to let me.
Go get 'em, cowboy.
Oh, wait.
Wait.
OK, go.
They grow up so fast.
I'll see you girls later.
Lori and I are gonna go catch a movie.
Don't wait up. [clicks tongue]
Who would've thought Lori'd get over your dad's coaster cackle?
Yeah, and who thought Siena'd get over Jackson's...
Well, everything.
Hey, we have the house to ourselves.
You're right, no dad, no annoying brother.
We can do anything.
Pick Stiven, pick Stiven, pick Stiven!
Synced By max_pain89
Uploaded missing lines: Hale wWw.iSubs.Coil.Us.To